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Expanded Performance Summary Report
Student Name:
1310pu028 1310pu028
Class Name:
201310PUFLCBusiness
Essay Assignment: Advertising and Obesity (bus.)
Submitted:
November 01, 2013, 09:06:14 PM CST
Time Taken:
1 minute 17 seconds
Score:
5 out of 6
Question:
A recent study in the Journal of Pediatric Obesity reports that if current trends continue, almost half the children
in North and South America and 38 percent of those in the European Union will be obese by 2010. Physicians
studying the trend place much of the blame on the advertising and marketing industry, which, they say, pushes
junk food on kids relentlessly. Some physicians argue that, given the massive human and financial toll this
potential epidemic could take, all advertising of junk food to children should be banned. Do you agree or
disagree? Explain your position with reasons and examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.
You have solid writing skills and something interesting to say.
Your essay:
Responds more effectively to some parts of the topic or task than to other parts
Shows some depth and complexity in your thinking
Organizes and develops your ideas with reasons and examples that are appropriate
Uses the range of language and syntax available to you
Uses grammar, mechanics, or sentence structure with hardly any error
Holistic Score:
5 out of 6
Trait Feedback Analysis
Grammar:
0 errors
Usage:
0 errors
Mechanics:
0 errors
Style:
0 comments
Essay:
Nowadays, when you walk on the street, you can see a number of people who are stricken with obesity. In addition to
irregular exercise, do you know the other reasons for causing this situation? As far as I’m concerned, it’s intensely
related to advertising. There are some reasons as follows:
The occasion when advertising shows is the first reason. According to the study, the unhealthy advertisements’ show
time is always designed at certain times on purpose. Such as McDonald, Coca-Cola, KFC, and so on; this kind of
advertising usually shows when the time after children’s favorite cartoons end. It then will expose children to getting
used to the unhealthy food on TV. With time elapsing, junk food and sugar drinks will be understood that the junk food
can serve as daily food by children. What’s more, there is another factor why advertising is more influential on children.
Because the fast food advertising usually said, ‘‘Buy one Happy Meal, get a toy.’’ So that, children will ask their parents
to purchase meals, just in order to receive those toys.
Moreover, how often does the unhealthy advertisements show on TV is the second reason. Based on the government’s
statistics, this kind of advertisements shows much time than the other’s on TV, especially at our dinner time. On account
of this, people will be riveted to purchase the food which is rich in calories as their meals or desserts.
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Finally, since the commercial usually create a blissful atmosphere, together with a fashionable illusion, it misleads
some people to consider the food which is harmful to human’s body is great, pleasure and popular.
In the light of my points of view above, the ads indeed can lead some influence on obesity problems. Therefore, many
countries have laid down some laws to restrict the unhealthy ads and also push a series of video to appeal to publicity
not to purchase those kinds of food or drinks too often. For example, in 2013, the New York government makes a film
that shows what people drink resemble fat. “Drinking 1 can of soda a day can make you 10 pounds fatter a year” which
is a famous sentence from the New York’s advocacy advertising. To sum up, advertisements have truly become a new
“Accomplice” that makes people obese.
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