Download Chapter 13

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Describe this person.
What is your
impression of this
person?
What kind of a
person do you think
he/she is?
What do you think
are his
characteristics?
How do you feel
about this person?
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Little
informationJudged
the qualities of the
person
Impression
developed quickly,
almost immediately
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Made inferences
based on physical
features, expression
Possible bias?
Chapter 16
SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGY
Social Psychology
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The discipline that seeks to understand and explain how
the thoughts, feelings and behavior of individuals are
influenced by the actual, imagined, or implied presence of
others (Allport, 1985)
The Social Self
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Self
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Selfhood  always in a social context
Self is vital for interactions/relationships
“Selfhood is almost unthinkable outside of social context”
(Baumeister, 1998)
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Self-Concept:
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the belief and feeling we have about ourselves
a product of social interaction
The Social Self
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Self-Concept:
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Cooley’s Symbolic Interactionist Theory of Self (Cooley, 1902)
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We create “selves”  emerges from our interactions with others and
our own reflection as to how others see us
We reflect about ourselves based on how we think other people see
us
Object of own reflection
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Example:
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A child is told he/she is “a good kid” ... Treated as a “good kid” by parents
and relatives ...
The child then believes that he/she is a “good kid”
The Social Self
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Self-Concept:
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Other influences:
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Gender
Social roles
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Being a son, daughter, student, doctor etc.
Self-perceptions
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Observations of what we like, dislike, find interesting etc.
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Social comparisons
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reveals our attitudes, emotions etc.
Our abilities and attitudes compared with others (peers, friends)
Collectivist or Individualistic society
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What characteristics are expected? What are emphasized by the culture?
The Social Self
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Self-Schema (Markus, 1977)
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System of beliefs about our self is organized
“Schematic” includes extreme characteristics; repeatedly
observed
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“I am good at _____”
We easily make judgments about ourselves based on info that
fit our self-schemas
We predict our future behavior based on our self-schemas
Filter info based on it
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The reason why people with poor or negative self-schema have
such difficulty changing their self-concept  filter out “the good
stuff” ... Believe “the bad stuff”
Example: If you believe you are not good at ...
The Social Self
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Self-Esteem
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How we evaluate ourselves: either positively or negatively
Self-worth
Tends to be stable over time; temporary fluctuations (Baumeister,
1998)
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Those with good self-esteem: Tend to be happy, healthy,
successful, productive (Brehm, Kassin & Fein, 2006)
One important source of self –worth is ...
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Parenting (Teh,
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2005)
Parents who love and accept unconditionally; but still place well-defined
limits
Provide warmth, caring, security, availability, support
The Social Self
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Self-Discrepancies
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Actual self – how we see ourselves
Ought self – consists of the characteristics we believe we
should have
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Ideal self – characteristics we aspire for
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Responsibility, duty (ex. to be studious)
(ex. being sociable)
Self-discrepancy theory (Higgins, 1987)
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Greater discrepancy between ACTUAL & OUGHT SELVES
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 greater feelings of guilt, self-contempt
Greater discrepancy between ACTUAL & IDEAL SELVES
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 greater feelings of frustration, disappointment, and dissatisfaction
Social Perception: Understanding Others
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Social Perception:
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Process by which we try to understand other people & social
situations
Includes
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Impression Formation
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How we form impressions of other people
We integrate info  judgment of the person’s qualities
Occur quite rapidly, even with little info
Attribution
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Our attempt to explain why a person behaved the way they did
Social Perception: Understanding Others
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Impression Formation
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Physical features
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Non-verbal behavior
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Most easily accessible info
gender, face, age, build, clothes
And, whatever is striking or unusual
 Ex. Pretty?
Facial expression
 Reliable basis for judging emotional states; facial expressions are universal
across cultures (Ekman & Freisen,1971)
Eye contact
 Ex. Attentive, intimacy, submissive
From physical, non-verbal & verbal info
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initial judgements  Kind? Sincere? Friendly? Flirt? Mayabang?
Positive vs. Negative impression
Like vs. Dislike for the person
Social Perception: Understanding Others
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Impression Formation
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We “average” not “add” info (Anderson, 1965)
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Traits differ in importance
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Average positive info with negative
Example: Sincere and kind, but, shy and not too intelligent lowered positive
overall impression
Weighted average based on what perceiver considers as important
Biases in Impression Formation
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Implicit Personality Theory (Anderson & Sedikides, 1991; Schneider, 1973)
 What personality traits are expected to go together
Example: Shy & ___________
Outgoing & ____________
Stereotyping
 We categorize
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based on a need to conserve mental energy
May result in erroneous perceptions
Social Perception: Understanding Others
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Attribution
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Our attempt to explain why a person behaved the way they did
Taking into account the traits of the person & the situation in which the
behavior occurs
It helps us predict future behavior
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To form a coherent understanding of the world
To control the environment
Particularly when something unexpected or unpleasant happens
 Ex. Your boyfriend/girlfriend is quiet.
Is she upset?
With you?
Social Thinking
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Attribution
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The Dimensions of Causality
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Internal/External Causes
Stable/Unstable Causes
Controllable/Uncontrollable Cause
16-18
Social Perception: Understanding Others
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Attribution
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Internal Attribution
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We attribute according to their internal characteristics
Emotional state, beliefs, attitudes, personality etc.
 Ex. He argued with the stranger ‘coz he’s a jerk.
External attribution
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Attribute behavior to external factors
Situation or social context
 Ex. He argued with the stranger ‘coz that stranger was being rude.
Social Perception: Understanding Others
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Biases in Attribution
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Fundamental Attribution error (Ross, 1977)
 Tendency to overestimate internal causes and underestimate situational
causes for other people’s behavior
 This can be due to our focus on the person more than their situation, about
which we may know very little.
 When we are playing the role of observer, which is largely when we look at
others, we make this fundamental attribution error.
Social Perception: Understanding
Others
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Reasons for Fundamental Attribution Error
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Actor-observer effect (Jones & Nisbett, 1972)
 We tend to see other people’s behaviors as being caused by their personal
disposition, while perceiving our own actions as due to situational factors.
 Ex. When other people are rude  They aren’t nice.
 When we are rude  because we had a bad day
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Perceptual salience
 We tend to over-estimate the causal role (salience) of information we have
available to us.
 From the observer’s point of view: actor stands out
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Therefore, observer makes internal attribution
From the actor’s point of view: the situation stands out
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Therefore, actor makes external attribution (situational)
Social Perception: Understanding Others
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Biases in Attribution
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Self-serving Bias
 This is our tendency to take credit for success (attribute to internal factors)
and deny any responsibility for failure (attribute to external factors).
 This helps to protect our ego.
 Example
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I am proud of my good exam results except for the failure in one subject where I was
unfortunately rather ill on the day of the examination.
Social Perception: Understanding Others
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Explanatory Style and Life Perspective
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How we approach life is shaped by the attributions we make
The difference between optimists & pessimists 
Explanatory style – how they habitually make attributions
Optimists:
explain good experiences due to permanent, universal, & internal causes.
Pessimists:
explain good experiences as being due to external, temporary, or specific causes.
the opposite for pessimists/optimists concerning bad experiences
Origins of explanatory style?
Childhood
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parent optimists or pessimists? How would they explain things?
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Type of criticism received
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bad experiences (leads to pessimism)
Attitudes: Understanding How We React to
Our Social World
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Attitudes:
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Predispositions towards action.
About or towards people and things. (like/dislike;
favorable/unfavorable)
Evaluative of people, objects and ideas.
3 components: Made up of emotional reactions (affective),
thoughts and beliefs (cognitive), and actions (behavioral)
components
Three components may not always be consistent (Affective
usually more powerful)
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Ex. Smoke cigarettes even though cognitively one is aware of the facts
about smoking
Attitudes: Understanding How We React to
Our Social World
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Forming Attitudes
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Direct experience with object
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Was it a positive or negative experience?
Observations of own behavior (Self-Perception Theory)
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If unaware of our attitude, we make conclusions based on our own
behavior
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Ex. “I spend a lot of time with Juan  I must like Juan.”
“My best friend and I don’t talk as much  maybe I’ve outgrown her”
Influence of media
Classical and operant conditioning
Social Thinking
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Attitudes
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Can Behavior Predict Attitudes?
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Cognitive Dissonance Theory
 A concept developed by Festinger that refers to an
individual's motivation to reduce the discomfort
(dissonance) caused by two inconsistent thoughts.
Self-Perception Theory
 Bem's theory about the connection between
attitudes and behavior; it stresses that individuals
make inferences about their attitudes by perceiving
their behavior.
16-30
Cognitive Dissonance Theory
16-31
Social Perception Theory
16-32

... What is your reaction to the following ads?
Attitudes: Understanding How We React to
Our Social World
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Attitudes & Behavior
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A person’s behavior does not always correspond with their
attitude
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Do you care about the environment?
Do you believe in honesty? In not stealing?
Some factors
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Is there freedom of choice?
Situational pressures
Attitudes: Understanding How We React to
Our Social World
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Attitude Change
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Variables
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Source (communicator)
Message (communication)
Channel (medium)
Receiver
Research reveals
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More credible the source  produces more attitude change.
The more attractive/likable  produces more attitude change.
Attitudes: Understanding How We React to
Our Social World
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Research reveals
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When a person is more motivated to and able to assess merits
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 central route of persuasion will be taken
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When person is not motivated or able to examine merits
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 peripheral route of persuasion (peripheral cues)
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Merits of the message
Attractiveness of communicator?
Number of arguments (regardless of quality)
Fear is more effective ...
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If consequences are likely;
And person is capable of taking the action recommended
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Contact with people, more effective than the mass media
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More likely to change attitudes, during adolescence & early adulthood
Social Influence
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Conformity and Obedience
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Conformity
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Involves a change in a person's behavior to coincide
more with a group standard.
Asch’s Conformity Experiment
 “choose the matching vertical line”
Factors that Contribute to Conformity
 Normative Influence
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The influence that other people have on us because we seek
their approval or avoid their disapproval.
Informational Influence
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The influence other people have on us because we want to be
right.
16-42
Social Influence
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Conformity and Obedience
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Conformity
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Factors that Contribute to Conformity
 Unanimity of the Group
 Prior Commitment
 Personal Characteristics
 Group Member’s Characteristics
 Cultural Values
16-43
Social Influence
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Conformity and Obedience
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Obedience
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Milgram’s Obedience Study
Resisting Social Influence
16-44
The Milgram Study:
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The experiment
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The experimenter
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The “teacher”
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The “learner” ... 50 year-old with a heart condition
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Told by the experimenter that they would be participating in an experiment helping his study of memory and learning in
different situations.
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The "teacher" was given a 45-volt electric shock from the electro-shock generator as a sample of the shock that the "learner"
would supposedly receive during the experiment. The "teacher" was then given a list of word pairs which he was to teach the
learner. The teacher began by reading the list of word pairs to the learner. The teacher would then read the first word of each
pair and read four possible answers. The learner would press a button to indicate his response. If the answer was incorrect,
the teacher would administer a shock to the learner, with the voltage increasing for each wrong answer.
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After a number of voltage level increases, the “learner” started to bang on the wall that separated him from the subject. After
several times banging on the wall and complaining about his heart condition, all responses by the learner would cease.
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At this point, many people indicated their desire to stop the experiment and check on the learner. Some test subjects paused
at 135 volts and began to question the purpose of the experiment. Most continued after being assured that they would not
be held responsible. A few subjects began to laugh nervously or exhibit other signs of extreme stress once they heard the
screams of pain coming from the learner.
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If at any time the subject indicated his desire to halt the experiment, he was given a succession of verbal prods by the
experimenter, in this order:[
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Please continue.
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The experiment requires that you continue.
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It is absolutely essential that you continue.
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You have no other choice, you must go on.
If the subject still wished to stop after all four successive verbal prods, the experiment was halted. Otherwise, it was halted
after the subject had given the maximum 450-volt shock three times in succession.
LO 13.4
Obedience
Menu
The Milgram Study:
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Results
The subjects believed that for each wrong answer, the learner was receiving
actual shocks. In reality, there were no shocks.
Before conducting the experiment, Milgram polled fourteen Yale University
senior-year psychology majors as to what they thought would be the
results.
All of the poll respondents believed that only a sadistic few (average 1.2%)
would be prepared to inflict the maximum voltage.
Milgram also informally polled his colleagues and found that they, too,
believed very few subjects would progress beyond a very strong shock.
In Milgram's first set of experiments, 65 percent (26 of 40) of experiment
participants administered the experiment's final 450-volt shock
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though many were very uncomfortable doing so; at some point, every participant
paused and questioned the experiment, some said they would refund the money
they were paid for participating in the experiment. No participant steadfastly
refused to administer shocks before the 300-volt level.
Later, Prof. Milgram and other psychologists performed variations of the
experiment throughout the world, with similar results
The Milgram Study:
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Professor Milgram elaborated two theories explaining his
results:
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A subject who has neither ability nor expertise to make
decisions, especially in a crisis, will leave decision making to the
group and its hierarchy. The group is the person's behavioral
model.
the essence of obedience consists in the fact that a person comes to
view himself as the instrument for carrying out another person's
wishes, and he therefore no longer sees himself as responsible for
his actions. Once this critical shift of viewpoint has occurred in the
person, all of the essential features of obedience follow.
Milgram Obedience Study
16-49
The Tragedy of the Commons
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The Tragedy of the Commons is a type of social trap, often
economic, that involves a conflict over finite resources
between individual interests and the common good.
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The term derives originally from William Forster Lloyd – observed a
medieval village land holding for his 1833 book on population
Current problems
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Uncontrolled human population
Water over-extraction of groundwater and wasting water
Forests - slash and burn
Energy resources and climate - Burning of fossil fuels and consequential
global warming
Animals - Habitat destruction and poaching
Oceans – Overfishing
The Tragedy of the Commons
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Preventing the Tragedy of the Commons
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The individualistic solution
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Making the collectivist interest profitable to people acting to promote
their own short –term interests
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Taxes
Fines
The collectivistic solution
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Inducing individuals to accept values which serve the group’s interest
or to act explicitly with the group’s interest in mind
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Social norms
Learning to line up? To wait your turn?
Learning to follow traffic rules?
Group Behavior
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Group Structure
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Roles
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Norms
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Leader
Member
rules
Culture
How do groups make decisions?
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Informational influence (intellective tasks)
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Normative influence (judgemental tasks)
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Who has the best factual info and arguments
Conformity that leads to consensus
Group Polarization effect
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Tendency of groups to arrive at decisions that are more extreme than the initial
opinions of the members
If already cautious .. After group discussion, more cautious
If already a risk-taker ... After group discussion, more risk-taking
All arguments in one direction  leads to extreme position
Group Behavior
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Groupthink
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Faulty decision-making that happens when a group fails to
examine alternative courses of action leading to defective
decisions
Why? To achieve consensus
... And a pleasant social atmosphere
Lead to the explosion of the Space shuttle
Invasion of Iraq?
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How to avoid?
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Leader should first take impartial position, be open to criticism
Should encourage members to question, criticize
Assign devil’s advocate
Outside experts
2nd round of discussion
Group Behavior
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Leadership
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Tries to achieve “constructive or adaptive change”
3 interrelated processes
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Leader establishes direction
Aligns people to the vision
Motivates and inspires
Individual Decision Making vs. Group Consensus
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1.
The Problem: Your spaceship has just crash-landed on the “dark side” of the moon.You are scheduled to
rendezvous with the mother ship 200 miles away on the lighted side of the moon, but the crash-landing has ruined your
spaceship and destroyed all the equipment on board, except for the 15 items listed below. Your crew’s survival on the moon
depends upon reaching the mother ship, so you must choose the most critical items available to take with you on the 200mile trip to reach the mother ship.
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2.
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15 ITEMS
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Box of matches
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Food concentrate
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Fifty feet of nylon rope
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Parachute silk
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Solar-powered portable heating unit
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Two .45 caliber pistols
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One case of dehydrated milk
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Two 100-pound tanks of oxygen
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Stellar map of the moon’s constellation
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Self-inflated life raft
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Magnetic compass
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Five gallons of water
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Signal flares
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First aid kit containing injection needles
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Solar-powered FM receiver-transmitter
Your task is to rank order the 15 items below in terms of their importance for your survival.
YOUR RANKINGS
YOUR GROUP’S RANKINGS
NASA’s rankings of the 15 items
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Box of matches
No oxygen on the moon to sustain flame; virtually useless
15
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Food concentrate
Efficient means of supplying energy requirements
4
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Fifty feet of nylon rope
Useful in scaling cliffs, tying injured together
6
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Parachute silk
Protection from sun’s rays
8
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Solar-powered portable heating unit
Not needed on dark side
13
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Two .45 caliber pistols
Possible means of self-propulsion
11
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One case of dehydrated milk
Bulkier duplication of food concentrate
12
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Two 100-pound tanks of oxygen
Most pressing survival need
1
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Stellar map of the moon’s constellation Primary means of navigation
3
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Self-inflated life raft
CO2 bottle in military raft may be used for propulsion
9
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Magnetic compass
Magnetic field on moon is not polarized; worthless for navigation
14
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Five gallons of water
Replacement for tremendous liquid loss on lighted side
2
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Signal flares
Distress signal when mother ship is sighted
10
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First aid kit containing injection needles Needles for vitamins, medicines, etc.
7
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Solar-powered FM receiver-transmitter For communication with mother ship;
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but FM requires line-of-sight transmission and short ranges
5
Individual Decision Making vs. Group
Consensus
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Were two heads better than one?
Do groups make better decisions than individuals? If so,
what goes on in the group decision-making process that
makes this possible?
If not, why not?
Answers to these questions are important because
throughout life you will have many opportunities to make
decisions alone or in groups.
The activity was to help you develop effective group
decision-making skills.
Interpersonal Attraction:
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Go to the board and make a list of qualities you would
want in the opposite sex/romantic partner
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Everyone!
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Write at least one each
Top-Ten Attributes:
Robin Gilmore (1988) found that men and women, when asked to list and
rank desirable attributes in the other gender, produced dramatically
different lists.
Women Find Attractive in a Man Men Find Attractive in a Woman
a. a record of achievement
a. physical attractiveness
b. leadership qualities
b. ability in bed
c. skill at his job
c. warmth and affection
d. earning potential
d. social skill
e. a sense of humor
e. homemaking ability
f. intellectual ability
f. dress sense
g. attentiveness
g. sensitivity to others’ needs
h. common sense
h. good taste
i. athletic ability
i. moral perception
j. good abstract reasoningj. artistic creativity
Interpersonal Attraction:
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2 loves (Hatfield)
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Passionate love
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Companionate love
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Physiological arousal
Affection
Sternberg triangular theory of love
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3 basic components:
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Intimacy (connection/closeness)
Passion (romantic/sexual)
Commitment (the decision to love & maintain the relationship)
Interpersonal Attraction: Understanding the
Psychology of Love

Sternberg’s Triangle of Love
Liking
Empty Love
Romantic
--Passion
Intimacy
-Intimacy
-Commitment
--
Interpersonal Attraction: Understanding the
Psychology of Love
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Lee
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Six Love Styles
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Eros
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Storge
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Obsessive/jealous
Pragma
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Love is a game/no commitment
Mania
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affection/deep friendship
Ludus
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erotic/physical
Pragmatic (ex. Arranged marriages)
Agape
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Selfless and altruistic
Interpersonal Attraction: Understanding the
Psychology of Love
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What makes loving relationships last?
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Sternberg
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We each have a schema of love: a love story with a plot, theme &
characters
We are guided by this love story
We subconsciously write these stories beginning in childhood
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Garden story
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Sacrifice story
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Like a business partnership
Government story
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Giving and sacrificing is central to the story
Business story
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Loving relationships are nurtured and cared for by partners
Power is a concern
Teacher-student story
Travel story
Fantasy story etc.
Interpersonal Attraction: Understanding the
Psychology of Love
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What makes loving relationships last?
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Sternberg
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We fall in love with those whose stories are similar, but whose roles
are complementary
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Ex. Fantasy story
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Incompatible stories lead to difficulties
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Different expectations and role enactments
You should know your love story!
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The knight in shining armor
Princess
Seek out a compatible partner based on the story
Or, change story
We can write a happy ending!
What is your Love Story?
What is your Love Story?

Rate each statement on a scale from 1 to 9, 1meaning
that it doesn't characterize your romantic relationships at
all, 9 meaning that It describes them extremely well. Then
average your scores for each story. In general, averaged
scores of 7 to 9 are high, Indicating a strong attraction to
a story, and 1 to 3 are low, indicating little or no interest
in the story. Moderate scores of 4 to 6 indicate some
Interest, but probably not enough to generate or keep a
romantic interest. Next, evaluate your own love story.
(There are 12 listed here; see Sternberg’s book “Love is a
Story” for more.)
What is your Love Story?
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STORY #1
1. I enjoy making sacrifices for the sake of my partner.
2. I believe sacrifice is a key part of true love.
3. I often compromise my own comfort to satisfy my partner's
needs.
Score: -----.
The sacrifice story can lead to happy relationships when both
partners are content in the roles they are playing, particularly
when they both make sacrifices. It is likely to cause friction
when partners feel compelled to make sacrifices. Research
suggests that relationships of all kinds are happiest when they
are roughly equitable. The greatest risk in a sacrifice story is
that the give-and-take will become too out of balance, with
one partner always being the giver or receiver.
What is your Love Story?
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STORY #2
Officer:
1. I believe that you need to keep a close eye on your partner.
2. I believe it is foolish to trust your partner completely.
3. I would never trust my partner to work closely with a person of the opposite
sex.
Score: -----.
Suspect:
1. My partner often calls me several times a day to ask exactly what I am doing.
2. My partner needs to know everything that I do.
3. My partner gets very upset if I don't let him or her know exactly where I have
been.
Score: -----.
Police stories do not have very favorable prognoses because they can completely
detach from reality. The police story may offer some people the feeling of being
cared for. People who are very insecure relish the attention that they get as a
"suspect," that they are unable to receive in any other way. But they can end up
paying a steep price. As the plot thickens, the suspect first begins to lose freedom,
then dignity, and then any kind of self-respect. Eventually, the person's mental and
even physical well-being may be threatened.
What is your Love Story?
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STORY #3
1. I believe that, in a good relationship, partners change and grow together.
2. I believe love is a constant process of discovery and growth.
3. I believe that beginning a relationship is like starting a new journey that
promises to be both exciting and challenging.
Score: -----.
Travel stories that last beyond a very short period of time generally have a
favorable prognosis, because if the travelers can agree on a destination and
path, they are already a long way toward success. If they can't, they often
find out quite quickly that they want different things from the relationship
and split up. Travel relationships tend to be dynamic and focus on the future.
The greatest risk is that over time one or both partners will change the
destination or path they desire. When people speak of growing apart, they
often mean that the paths they wish to take are no longer the same. In such
cases, the relationship is likely to become increasingly unhappy, or even
dissolve completely.
What is your Love Story?
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STORY #4
Object:
1. The truth is that I don't mind being treated as a sex toy by my partner.
2. It is very important to me to gratify my partner's sexual desires and whims, even if people
might view them as debasing.
3. I like it when my partner wants me to try new and unusual, and even painful, sexual
techniques.
Score: -----.
Subject:
1. The most important thing to me in my relationship is for my partner to be an excellent sex
toy, doing anything I desire.
2. I can never be happy with a partner who is not very adventurous in sex.
3. The truth is that I like a partner who feels like a sex object.
Score: -----.
There are no obvious advantages to the pornography story. The disadvantages are quite dear,
however. First, the excitement people attain is through degradation of themselves and others.
Second, the need to debase and be debased is likely to keep escalating. Third, once one adopts
the story, it may be difficult to adopt another story. Fourth, the story can become physically as
well as psychologically dangerous. And finally, no matter how one tries, it is difficult to turn the
story into one that's good for psychological or physical well-being.
What is your Love Story?
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STORY #5
Terrorizer:
1. I often make sure that my partner knows that I am in charge, even if it makes him
or her scared of me.
2. I actually find it exciting when I feel my partner is somewhat frightened of me.
3. I sometimes do things that scare my partner, because I think it is actually good for
a relationship to have one partner slightly frightened of the other. Score: -----.
Victim:
1. I believe it is somewhat exciting to be slightly scared of your partner.
2. I find it arousing when my partner creates a sense of fear in me.
3. I tend to end up with people who sometimes frighten me.
Score: -----.
The horror story probably is the least advantageous of the stories. To some, it may
be exciting. But the forms of terror needed to sustain the excitement tend to get
out of control and to put their participants, and even sometimes those around
them, at both psychological and physical risk. Those who discover that they have this
story or are in a relationship that is enacting it would be well-advised to seek
counseling, and perhaps even police protection.
What is your Love Story?
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STORY #6
Co-dependent:
1. I often end up with people who are facing a specific problem, and I find myself helping them
get their life back in order.
2. I enjoy being involved in relationships in which my partner needs my help to get over some
problem.
3. I often find myself with partners who need my help to recover from their past. Score: -----.
Person in recovery:
1. I need someone who will help me recover from my painful past.
2. I believe that a relationship can save me from a life that is crumbling around me.
3. I need help getting over my past.
Score: -----.
The main advantage to the recovery story is that the co-dependent may really help the other
partner to recover, so long as the other partner has genuinely made the decision to recover.
Many of us know individuals who sought to reform their partners, only to experience total
frustration when their partners made little or no effort to reform. At the same time, the codependent is someone who needs to feel he or she is helping someone, and gains this feeling
of making a difference to someone through the relationship. The problem: Others can assist in
recovery, but the decision to recover can only be made by the person in need of recovery. As
a result, recovery stories can assist in, but not produce, actual recovery.
What is your Love Story?
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STORY #7
1. I believe a good relationship is attainable only if you spend time and energy to
care for it, just as you tend a garden.
2. I believe relationships need to be nourished constantly to help weather the ups
and downs of life.
3. I believe the secret to a successful relationship is the care that partners take of
each other and of their love.
Score: -----.
The biggest advantage of a garden story is its recognition of the importance of
nurture. No other story involves, this amount of care and attention. The biggest
potential disadvantage is that a lack of spontaneity or boredom may develop. People
in garden stories are not immune to the lure of extramarital relationships, for
example, and may get involved in them to generate excitement, even if they still
highly value their primary relationship. In getting involved in other relationships,
however, they are putting the primary relationship at rise Another potential
disadvantage is that of smothering--that the attention becomes too much. Just as
one can overwater a flower, one can overattend a relationship. Sometimes it's best
to let things be and allow nature to take its course.
What is your Love Story?
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STORY #8
1. I believe that close relationships are partnerships.
2. I believe that in a romantic relationship, just as in a job, both partners should
perform their duties and responsibilities according to their "job description."
3. Whenever I consider having a relationship with someone, I always consider the
financial implications of the relation ship as well.
Score: -----.
A business story has several potential advantages, not the least of which is that the
bills are more likely to get paid than in other types of relationships. That's because
someone is always minding the store. Another potential advantage is that the roles
tend to be more dearly defined than in other relationships. The partners are also in
a good position to "get ahead" in terms of whatever it is that they want. One
potential disadvantage occurs if only one of the two partners sees their relationship
as a business story. The other partner may quickly become bored and look for
interest and excitement outside the marriage. The story can also turn sour if the
distribution of authority does not satisfy one or both partners. If the partners
cannot work out mutually compatible roles, they may find themselves spending a lot
of time fighting for position. It is important to maintain the option of flexibility.
What is your Love Story?
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STORY #9
1. I think fairy tales about relationships can come true.
2. I do believe that there is someone out there for me who is my perfect match.
3. I like my relationships to be ones in which I view my partner as something like a
prince or princess in days of yore.
Score: -----.
The fantasy story can be a powerful one. The individual may feel swept up in the
emotion of the search for the perfect partner or of developing the perfect
relationship with an existing partner. It is probably no coincidence that in literature
most fantasy stories take place before or outside of marriage: Fantasies are hard to
maintain when one has to pay the bills, pack the children off to school and resolve
marital fights. To maintain the happy feeling of the fantasy, therefore, one has to
ignore, to some extent, the mundane aspects of life. The potential disadvantages of
the fantasy relationship are quite plain. The greatest is the possibility for
disillusionment when one partner discovers that no one could fulfill the fantastic
expectations that have been created. This can lead partners to feel dissatisfied with
relationships that most others would view as quite successful If a couple can create
a fantasy story based on realistic rather than idealistic ideals, they have the potential
for success; if they want to be characters in a myth, chances are that's exactly what
they'll get: a myth.
What is your Love Story?
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STORY #10
1. I think it is more interesting to argue than to compromise.
2. I think frequent arguments help bring conflictive issues into the open and
keep the relationship healthy.
3. I actually like to fight with my partner.
Score: -----.
The war story is advantageous in a relationship only when both partners
clearly share it and want the same thing. In these cases, threats of divorce
and worse may be common, but neither partner would seriously dream of
leaving: They're both having too much fun, in their own way. The major
disadvantage, of course, is that the story often isn't shared, leading to
intense and sustained conflict that can leave the partner without the war
story feeling devastated much of the time. People can find themselves in a
warring relationship without either of them having war as a preferred story.
In such cases, the constant fighting may make both partners miserable. If
the war continues in such a context, there is no joy in it for either partner.
What is your Love Story?
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STORY #11
Audience:
1. I like a partner who is willing to think about the funny side of our conflicts.
2. I think taking a relationship too seriously can spoil it; that's why I like partners who have a sense of
humor.
3. I like a partner who makes me laugh whenever we are facing a tense situation in our relationship.
Score: -----.
Comedian:
1. I admit that I sometimes try to use humor to avoid facing a problem in my relationship.
2. I like to use humor when I have a conflict with my partner because I believe there is a humorous side to
any conflict.
3. When I disagree with my partner, I often try to make a joke out of it. Score: -----.
The humor story can have one enormous advantage: Most situations do have a lighter side, and people with
this story are likely to see it. When things in a relationship become tense, sometimes nothing works better
than a little humor, especially if it comes from within the relationship. Humor stories also allow
relationships to be creative and dynamic. But the humor story also has some potential disadvantages.
Probably the greatest one is the risk of using humor to deflect important issues: A serious conversation that
needs to take place keeps getting put off with jokes. Humor can also be used to be cruel in a passiveaggressive way. When humor is used as a means of demeaning a person to protect the comedian from
responsibility ("I was only joking"), a relationship is bound to be imperiled. Thus, moderate amounts are
good for a relationship, but excessive amounts can be deleterious.
What is your Love Story?
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STORY #12
1. I think it is okay to have multiple partners who fulfill my different needs.
2. I sometimes like to think about how many people I could potentially date all at the same
time.
3. I tend and like to have multiple intimate partners at once, each fulfilling somewhat different
roles.
Score: -----.
There are a few advantages to a collection story. For one thing, the collector generally cares
about the collectible's physical well-being, as appearance is much of what makes a collection
shine. The collector also finds a way of meeting multiple needs. Usually those needs will be
met in parallel--by having several intimate relationships at the same time--but a collector may
also enter into serial monogamous relationships, where each successive relationship meets
needs that the last relationship did not meet. In a society that values monogamy, collection
stories work best if they do not become serious or if individuals in the collection are each
viewed in different lights, such as friendship or intellectual stimulation. The disadvantages of
this story become most obvious when people are trying to form serious relationships. The
collector may find it difficult to establish intimacy, or anything approaching a complete
relationship and commitment toward a single individual. Collections can also become
expensive, time-consuming, and in some cases illegal (as when an individual enters into
multiple marriages simultaneously).
Interpersonal Attraction: Understanding the
Psychology of Love
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What makes loving relationships last?
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The Michelangelo Phenomenon
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A pattern of relationship interdependence in which close partners
influence each other's dispositions, values, and behavioural patterns in
such a manner as to bring both people closer to their ideal selves.
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Sculpture: as a process of bringing out figures already hidden in stone by
chipping away the excess
“You make me a better person ...You bring out the best in me”
Interpersonal Attraction: Understanding the
Psychology of Love
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What makes loving relationships last?
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Branden
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Important behaviors that characterize “happy” couples with longlasting relationships
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Express love verbally
Physical affection
Appreciation and admiration
Share thoughts, feelings, dreams etc.
Hurts
Emotional support for each other
Put up with the shortcomings (“virtues outweigh the shortcomings”)
Enjoy the positives and not dwell on the negatives
Interpersonal Attraction: Understanding the
Psychology of Love
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What makes loving relationships last?
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Clarke and Grote
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Promote each other’s well-being (good physical and mental health &
achieve personal/mutual goals)
Trust each other
Feel secure with each other
Understand, validate, care for each other etc.
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” the relationship is a safe haven”
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Aggression: Understanding Why We Hurt
Others
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Is aggression part of human nature?
Frustration & Aggression
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Frustration-aggression hypothesis
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When a person is blocked from attaining an expectation/outcome 
frustration 
primes them for aggression
expression of aggression results in catharsis
Findings:
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Frustration does not always lead to aggression. There are other factors.
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Social norms
Threat of punishment
Learning other ways to respond
Etc.
Research shows the opposite effect
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Catharsis (thru aggression) doesn’t lead to less aggression, but to more. Person becomes
“deserving of aggression.
Aggression: Understanding Why We Hurt
Others
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The Learning of Aggression
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Social learning:
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acquisition of responses through observation and maintenance of
behavior through reinforcement.
Watching violence
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Early exposure to TV violence is a predictor of later life aggression
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Men: 3x more likely of being convicted of a crime
Women: more likely later in life: thrown something at a spouse; shoving,
punching, choking others
Aggression cues
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“Guns not only stimulate violence, they can stimulate it as well. The finger
pulls the trigger, but the trigger may also be pulling the finger”
Aggression: Understanding Why We Hurt
Others
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Reducing Aggression & Violence
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Parents as role models for children
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Show disapproval of violence
Show how to control anger and rechannel
Reduce viewing of violent TV
Help develop empathy for others
Society
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Strengthen norms/values and structural mechanisms (police/justice
system) against violence
Gun control
Redirection of media away from violence
The powerful as role models
The economy