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STYLE
By Bess Fox
Though much of a student’s time will be spent developing an argument (researching, discovering a
relevant and arguable theme, synthesizing evidence), the importance of style should not be neglected.
What goes on at the sentence level has important implications for the argument as a whole. For example,
subordination is a sentence –level strategy (and organizational strategy) necessary for readers to know
which ideas are most important. While style should not be a concern during the drafting stage, it should
be an essential part of revision. Working on style is time-consuming; attention must be given to every
word. However, this work will often make the difference between writing that meets the assignment
criteria and writing that is exceptional (in other words, between “C” and “A” writing).
Native speakers can often “hear” when style principles are broken. Students should read their work
aloud, listening for what “sounds funny.” When writing “sounds funny,” style is usually at fault. Style is
different than grammar, but, luckily, many grammar problems disappear when the modern principles of
style are followed.
STYLE PRINCIPLES I
 Strong verbs
Use linking verbs (is, are, were, be, was, seems, etc.) to define terms, but when not needed, avoid these
verbs because they often result in wordy sentence structures and “weak,” unexciting prose. Linking verbs
often come to mind first, and thus they appear frequently in early drafts but should be exchanged for more
apt word choices in revision.
Notice the difference actions verbs can make in writing.
a. There are thirty women who are registered for the door prize.
b. Thirty women registered for the door prize.
Revise the following sentences with strong verbs. Note that you can’t simply replace the weak verb with
the strong verb, you’ll need to revise the entire sentence.
1. There is one more store I have to go to before I drive home.
2. There were only two delegates representing the student body at the meeting to nominate a new college
president.
3. One crucial scene that appears in both films is Joan of Arc’s burning at the stake

Conciseness
Eliminate unnecessary words and phrases in revision. Revise sentences that repeat information, that
contain vague adjectives (good, nice) or adverbs (really, very), or that contain unnecessary expressions
(the fact of the matter).
Notice the difference revising for conciseness can make in writing.
a. The kind of apartment we are looking to rent is the kind that has hardwood floors and laundry
facilities.
b. We are looking to rent an apartment with hardwood floors and laundry facilities.
Revise the following sentences for conciseness.
1. The skirt is a muted brownish color with buttons that are black.
2. The University of Kentucky is known as a flagship university. It is known as a flagship university
because of the research and teaching that occurs there.
3. I have a very nice dog due to the fact that I have been sure to make a lot of time to train her.
 Clear pronoun reference
A pronoun replaces a specific noun, and you need to make sure 1) there is a specific preceding noun that
the pronoun replaces 2) it is clear to you readers which noun the pronoun replaces. Vague pronouns such
as this, that, it, you, and we should be avoided unless they replace a preceding noun. The most common
vague pronoun is this (see example below). Placing a noun after this (this policy or this comedy of
errors) solves the problem; if you can’t find a noun phrase to place after this, you’ve got a vague pronoun.
Notice the difference in the following sentences
a. In Ireland, the Protestants and the Catholics have been fighting since the 1600’s. This is why
peace is so illusive today.
b. In Ireland, the Protestants and the Catholics have been fighting since the 1600’s. This century old
animosity is why peace is so illusive today.
Revise the following sentences, eliminating vague pronouns. Supply the noun when necessary.
1. When I lost my visa card, they immediately cancelled my account and issued me a new one.
2. She routinely relays constituent complaints to the congressman. It is an important part of her job.
3. In Shirley Jackson’s novel, she presents reality as more absurd than insanity. Thia is why Jenna, my
weird roommate, loves her work. (Note: two vague pronouns in this example)
 Transitions between sentences
Sentences must be connected to the sentences surrounding them so that readers are carried smoothly from
one idea to the next and so that readers know how the idea in each sentence relates to the larger purpose
of the paragraph and of the essay. Therefore, a sentence should contain something “old” (a pronoun,
noun, or transitional expression) that links it with the previous sentence.
Notice the difference in the following sentences.
a. Finding food and shelter is the main concern of most homeless children. Regular schooling is often
neglected.
b. Finding food and shelter is the main concern of most homeless children. For this reason, regular
schooling is often neglected.
Revise the following passage, adding transitional devices. You may have to recast sentences and even
combine sentences.
1. Police brutality is a growing problem in many towns and cities. Police officers are underpaid, undertrained, under-respected, and overworked. They often are frustrated. Suspects arrested feel the brunt of
police frustration. These people are often overtly hostile towards the police while having little power to
complain. In Austin, Texas, a woman was beaten after spitting at an officer arresting her for drug
possession (Hailey 25). No charges were filed against the officer because “it came down to the word of a
drug addict and a police officer” (25). Incidences of police brutality make the community more hostile
towards police. Hostility creates more police resentment that results in more brutality. It is a vicious
cycle.
Stylistic revision checklist
1. Underline each verb with a double line. Whenever you have a weak, linking verb (is, are,
were, was, be, seems), see if you can revise the sentence with an action verb. Note that you can’t
simply replace the weak verb with an action verb, you’ll have to recast the entire sentence.
2. Read through your paper aloud slowly, writing an “x” in the margin next to each sentence that
sounds “wordy.” Then work with each “x” sentence to eliminate any repeated ideas and any
unnecessary words (vague adjectives or adverbs, unnecessary expressions) and to rearrange the
sentence so that it gets the same idea(s) across in fewer words. You may need to combine
sentences.
3.a. Draw a circle around each this in your paper. Make sure that you haven’t used this word as
a pronoun. You can keep it if is an adjectives (this century); otherwise revise the sentence.
Often, combining the sentence that begins with this with the sentence preceding it works to
eliminate the vague pronoun.
3.b. Draw a circle around each pronoun. Then, to check your pronoun/antecedent agreement,
draw a line from the pronoun back to the noun that it replaces. If you don’t have a noun to draw
a line back to, you can’t use a pronoun. Also make sure that the correct pronoun replaces the
noun. Plural pronouns should refer back to plural nouns and singular pronouns should refer to
singular nouns.
4. Is each sentence within the paragraph connected to the sentence before it (in other words, are
there transitions between your sentences)? If not, add a transition. Sometimes creating
transitions is as simple as adding a transitional expression; sometimes you’ll need to revise the
entire sentence and/or combine sentences.
STYLE PRINCIPLES II
 Coordination
By coordinating short choppy sentences you can eliminate redundancy, unnecessary words, and tiresome
prose. Coordination equates ideas, which means that the two ideas on either side of the conjunction are
equally important. Ideas within sentences can be clearly related through the coordinating conjunctions:
and, but, for, or, nor, yet, so. Remember not all ideas are equal; use coordination sparingly.
Notice the difference coordinating ideas in sentences can make.
a. The woman was exonerated on all charges. She was allowed to return to her own country.
b. The woman was exonerated on all charges and allowed to return to her own country.
Combine the following three sentences using the principals of coordination
1. One of the spectators was the daughter of former president Jimmy Carter.
2. Other spectators included a well-known TV actress, a state senator, and a famed chef.
3. The governor did not attend the event.

Subordination
By subordinating short choppy sentences you can eliminate redundancy, unnecessary words, and tiresome
prose. You can also help your reader identify the most important ideas in your prose. Subordination
minimizes one idea in a sentence while emphasizing another. In other words, the idea on one side of the
subordinating conjunction is not given the same weight as the idea on the other side of the conjunction,
making clear the relationship between the two ideas.
Notice the difference subordinating ideas in sentences can make.
a. The woman was exonerated of all charges. She was allowed to return to her own country.
b. After being exonerated on all charges, the woman was allowed to return to her own country.
Combine the following sets of sentences into one using the principals of subordination.
1. Lexington, Kentucky is usually a fairly sleepy town.
2. The town’s Fourth of July celebration is wild.
1. Many states are implementing seat belt laws.
2. These laws are proven to lower fatality rates.
 A variety of sentence lengths and structures
A variety of sentence lengths and structures are easier on a reader than a string of all short or all long
sentences and a string of sentences with the same basic structure. Note that short sentences should be
used strategically to emphasize central ideas. You should hear sentence variety when you read your prose
aloud.
Notice the difference a variety of sentences lengths and structures can make (example from a student
essay)
a. Midnight madness is becoming very popular. It used to be the first to arrive was the first to get in.
Now tickets are given out in a lottery draw. Memorial Coliseum is really small. It can only hold
8,700
fans. There is a need for more seats. Thus Midnight Madness should be moved to Rupp Arena.
b. Midnight madness is becoming so popular that a lottery has replaced the first come first serve method
of ticket distribution. However, this popularity is causing a problem. Memorial Coliseum, with its
8700 seats, is simply too small to accommodate the number of fans interested in this event. Rupp
Arena is the obvious answer.
Revise the following passage creating a variety of sentence structures (example from a student essay)
1. Pictures go along with the activities included in the brochure. A picture shows a man popping a
wheelie on a mountain bike. The picture appeals to all those mountain bikers who aren’t that
experienced but are up to a challenge. The picture for kayaking shows a man fishing out on the
water. This picture depicts kayaking as easy. The bungy jumping picture also portrays this
sometimes
dangerous sport as fun. The pictures that the author use look like fun but exclude the dangers of these
activities.
 Abstract vs. Concrete
Nouns should be as specific as possible without getting your reader bogged down in details. Imagine that
every noun has an abstraction ladder, the higher you climb the more abstract. So “home” would be near
the top of the ladder, while “dilapidated double-wide with dirty baby-blue aluminum siding” would be
near the bottom. For each noun, you’ll need to choose the appropriate level of specificity. You’ll also
want to be wary of abstract words, like “freedom,” “love,” “courage,” etc, since they will mean different
things to every reader. If you must use these words, be sure to define and/or modify them accordingly.
Conversely, make sure specific detail is relevant and not distracting.
Notice the difference concrete words can make.
a. Despite working 40 hours a week at a fast food restaurant, Cheryl cannot afford a decent sized home
for her and her children.
b. Despite working 40 hours a week at McDonalds, Cheryl cannot afford anything but a government
subsidized, one-bedroom apartment for her and her three teenaged children.
Revise following sentences for an appropriate level of specificity.
1. It was then that a red-faced Jim, visibly enraged, threw the newly shined, ten-pound, dark blue
bowling ball at the four remaining scuffed and slightly dented pins.
2. Americans needs to remember that the military is here to protect their freedom.
3. The road, which has very bad driving conditions, has a speed limit of 55 miles an hour.
 Emphasizing the important idea(s) in each sentence and paragraph
In addition to something “old” (a pronoun or noun or transitional expression that links it with the previous
sentence), each sentence should contain something “new.” This new idea needs to be adequately
emphasized by the structure of the sentence or your reader may get sidetracked from your argument.
Emphasis within a sentence can be attained by the ordering of ideas, by the use of strategic repetition or
transitions like most importantly, and by the subordination of non-important ideas. Emphasis within a
paragraph can be attained by the order of the sentences, by the use of strategic repetition or transitions,
and by short sentences amidst longer ones.
Notice the difference emphasizing an idea within a sentence can make in writing. Notice too this
emphasis is achieved both through relegating the less important idea to a dependent clause and by
repeating “is.”
a. Violence in adult society is increasing along with violence in American elementary schools.
b. Not only is violence increasing in adult society, it is increasing in American elementary schools.
Revise the following passage, emphasizing the important ideas when appropriate. You may have to
shuffle ideas between sentences. Begin by deciding which ideas deserve emphasis.
1. College should be free because a college degree is so important to the success of a person in our
society. Without a college degree, a person has a lower social standing, worse prospects for
employment, and more of a chance of committing crimes. All of society will benefit from the money
spent making a college education available to every citizen if crime rates did fall.
 Parallel sentence structures
When you have compound sentences or lists, you’ll want each part of the sentence to be in equivalent
form. Parallel sentence structures make it easy for your readers to see the relationships between various
ideas in the sentence. Besides, unparallel sentences “sound funny.”
Notice the difference parallel sentences can make in writing.
1. Jamie was angry and in a defiant mood when she learned that her brother would stand trial for
murder.
2. Jamie was angry and defiant when she learned that her brother would stand trial for murder.
Revise the following sentences into parallel sentence structures.
1. To read a book about India is different from actually traveling to the country.
2. To be successful in school, a student needs not only to go to class but also must spend two hours a
night studying.
3. She could swim a mile in the morning, run five miles in the afternoon, and could still be ready
to play a game of pick-up basketball that night.
Stylistic revision checklist II
Revise your paper using the style checklist I. Then print a clean copy of your revised draft.
1-2. Read your essay aloud slowly, marking an “x” in the margin next to each place the paper
feels “bogged down.” Usually when your writing sounds like it is spinning its wheels, you need
to combine sentences, which will both eliminate repetition and show the relationship between
various ideas more clearly. Examine the sentences near where you marked an “x.” Does each
sentence have an important “new” idea. Is this new idea small enough to combine into a
surrounding sentence? If so, use coordination (and, but, for, or, nor, yet, so) to combine
equivalent ideas in the same sentence or use subordination to combine unequivalent ideas in the
same sentence
3. Read each paragraph aloud slowly, listening to the sound of the sentences. You’ll want a
variety of sentence lengths and structures. Revise the sentences in each paragraph to create
variety. Remember short sentences should be used strategically to emphasize important ideas.
4. Highlight each noun. Is each noun concrete enough? In other words, does each important
noun present a clear image for your reader? If not, add adjectives or replace with a more specific
noun. Remember not to err too far in the other direction. You don’t want your reader bogged
down in unnecessary details. Also remember to define or modify abstract nouns, like freedom
and love.
5. Work with each paragraph separately to make sure that the important ideas get emphasized by
the structure of the paragraph and of the sentences themselves. The most important ideas in a
paragraph should usually be in shorter sentences located near the beginning or the end of the
paragraph (though not always). Important ideas within sentences should be found in the main
clauses of the sentence and/or should be located near the beginning or end of the sentence. You
can further emphasize important ideas by strategic repetition and with transitions like most
importantly. If you don’t emphasize important ideas, your readers won’t know which
information they need to pay attention to, and they will get sidetracked.
6. Look at each compound and complex sentence in your paper (each sentence that connects
ideas with a coordinating conjunction,) and/or each sentence that presents ideas in a series or list.
Are the phrases on either side of the conjunction/subordinating conjunction in similar
grammatical form? Are items in a list in similar grammatical form? If not, you need to revise
the sentence so that it has a parallel structure, so that each phrase or item is similar in form.