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Used by permission of THE ACADEMY OF NURSING 2355 E. 3900 S. S.L.C., UT 84124 801-506-0064 BECOMING A PARENT MOTHERS FEELINGS • Needs to share fears • Needs support from others • Feelings about sex change FATHERS FEELINGS • New feelings about sex • Dreams change • Many anxieties • Involvement in pregnancy and birth affects, parenting SHIFTS IN ROLES • • • • • Identity & inner life changes (values & goals) Marital roles & relationships Intergenerational relationships Roles outside family (work) New parent roles & relationships (division of child care) PARENTHOOD • Irreversibility • Lack of preparation • Idealization and romanticization • Suddenness • Role conflict MOTHERHOOD Intensive Mothering Ideology What mothers ought to provide: • Full-time attention • Self-sacrificing devotion • Expert guided • Labor-intensive involvement with the child • Child’s needs are more pressing than those of mothers WHAT MOTHER COULD LIVE UP TO THIS EVEN IF SHE STAYED AT HOME. WHAT IF SHE WORKED? WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A FATHER Some Facts: • ½ of all children will spend part of their childhood in a father absent home. • 32% of all children are born to unmarried women. Among African American it is 68%. • Children raised in two-parent families rarely experience poverty. • Data has linked growing up without a father to: – – – – – – Under achievement in school Mental illness Drug abuse Youth suicide Delinquency Crime INVOLVE MEN EARLY IN CHILDREN’S LIVES • • • • • How many male preschool teachers are there? How many male teachers teach grade K-3? How many male religious teachers teach ages 3-6? How about a male cub scout leader? When was the last time you had a male nurse care for you? FATHERHOOD • Changes in sexual relations. • Anxiety about abilities, baby, money. • Witnessing birth is a positive bonding experience with child. • “Nurturing father” is able to participate in all parenting practices – child benefits. • Fatherhood is changing fast. THEORIES OF CHILD DEVELOPMENT PSYCHOANALYTIC THEORY: Freud • ID (pleasure seeking) • Super ego (Controlling) • Ego (Rational) Age 4-6 child identifies with parent of same sex THEORIES OF CHILD DEVELOPMENT cont’d PSYCHOSOCIAL THEORY: Erickson (8 stages) THEORIES OF CHILD DEVELOPMENT cont’d • BEHAVIORISM: Watson and Skinner (reinforcement & operant conditioning) THEORIES OF CHILD DEVELOPMENT cont’d SOCIAL LEARNING THEORY: Rotter & Bandura (interactions of culture, society and family) COGNITIVE DEVELOPMENT THEORY: Piaget (assimilation/accommodation) Genetic epistemologist (genetic = inborn traits, epistemologist = how you learn about world) Written in 1930’s translated in 1950-60 Based on brain Foundation for Headstart Specific ages develop progressively THEORIES OF CHILD DEVELOPMENT cont’d THEORIES OF CHILD DEVELOPMENT continued DEVELOPMENTAL SYSTEMS APPROACH: Covey • Development takes place within changing family system. • Interdependence, birth order and sibling interaction THEORIES OF CHILD DEVELOPMENT continued • SYMBOLIC INTERACTION THEORY: looking How others see us glass self • (we see self as others see us) How others treat us How we see ourselves BASIC NEEDS: List basic need of a child and what you want for your child on board. STYLES OF PARENTING AUTHORITARIAN • Control • Punishment/Reward • Order without freedom • Outcome: Rebel, Resent, Revenge, Retreat People are fired in childcare if they spank, slap, hit, shake, pull or pinch. They are not to use loud or harsh words. No teasing humiliating, insulting. blaming, threatening, frightening or laughing at a child. “THIS POLICY SHOULD ALSO BE USED IN EVERY HOME” Agree*-----------------------------------------------------------*Disagree PERMISSIVE • Laissez Faire • Anarchy • Freedom without order • Outcome: Demanding children, no inner control AUTHORITATIVE • Respect • Consistency & clarity • Logical consequences • “I” messages, family meetings • No physical violence • Behavior modification – rewards, time out • Outcome: Self reliant, self controlled, happy Role play 3 parenting styles with the following situations: • It’s bedtime and the children will not go to bed. • Your child’s room is a mess. • It is time for your child to come home but they are in the middle of a school project. • Your child came home from the store with a candy bar that she had not paid for. CONTEMPORARY CHILDRAISING STRATEGIES Respect • MAKE SURE THE MESSAGE OF LOVE GETS THROUGH Consistency and clarity • DETERMINE THE RULES AND CONSEQUENCES BEFOREHAND Logical consequences • THE 3 “R’s”: RESPECTFUL, RELATED, REASONABLE continued Open communication • “The key to good discipline is the relationship” • Children will listen to you after they feel listened to No physical punishment • Where do we ever get the crazy idea that in order to get to do better, first we have to make them feel worse? • Impossible to solve problems at time of conflict children Behavior modification • Spend special time • Mistakes are wunderful oppertuniteez to lern Solve problem behavior situations CHILD CARE: What effect does it have? Public policy: • Need for time enhancing policies (paid leaves & flexible) • Provide economic security • Give parents right to vote on behalf of their children • Legal policies (paid leave for fathers, increased adoption, less divorce) • Improved environment (safer communities, media, better schools, medical care) • More value & authority to parental role RATIOS FOR LICENSING IN UTAH Do these ratios seem reasonable and beneficial to children in Utah? DAY CARE NEEDS • need low ratios • check references and observe • sensitive, stimulating environments Infants – 0 to 12 months 1 teacher to 4 children Toddlers – 13 1 teacher to 4 to 23 months children Two Year Olds 1 teacher to 7 children Three Year Olds Four Year Olds Five Year Olds 1 teacher to 12 children 1 teacher to 15 children 1 teacher to 20 children ADOPTION Problems faced by adoptive families: • Choosing open or closed adoption • Dealing with feelings about biological parent • Dealing with insensitivity and prejudices of society • Should you tell a child they are adopted? 2% ARE ADOPTED – fewer today due to birth control & keeping of babies COST = $6,000 – $20,000 Read “Letter from a birth mother” SELF ESTEEM “An Optimal sense of identity” by Erikson What do we base self esteem on? • Extrinsic Values • Intrinsic Values Self esteem has been shown to be more significant than intelligence in predicting scholastic success. “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye”. The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupery LOW SELF ESTEEM Powerless, poor ability to cope, low tolerance for differences, inability to accept responsibility, impaired emotional responsiveness. • Girls found to have lower self esteem than boys: Age 9 most girls felt positive, but by high school only 29% felt good about self. Boys less also, but not as much. • Ethnicity: African American much higher due to strong role models. – Taught there is nothing wrong with them, only the way the world treats them. NEED FOR FOSTERING HIGH SELF ESTEEM: • Sense of connectedness • Sense of uniqueness • Sense of power (responsibilities & rules) • Sense of models of values & goals Feedback = timely, honest, specific VOCABULARY • 1. Child-free Marriage: Marriage partners have chosen not to have children. • 2. Couvade: The psychological or ritualistic assumption of symptoms of pregnancy & childbirth by a male. • 3. Deferred Parenting: Intentional postponement of child-bearing until after certain goals have been fulfilled. • 4. Infant Mortality: Babies that die close to birth. • 5. Postpartum Period: Three months following childbirth. A time of physical & emotional adjustments. VOCABULARY cont’d • 6. Spontaneous Abortion: The natural but fatal expulsion of the embryo or fetus from the uterus, miscarriage. • 7. Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS): Death of an apparently healthy infant during it's sleep for unknown reasons. • SECTION 2 (Pages 333-336) • 1. Accommodation: How a child makes adjustments to his or her framework in order to incorporate new experiences. • 2. Assimilation: How a child makes new information compatible with his or her world understanding. VOCABULARY cont’d • 3. Behaviorism: Explains behavior solely on the basis of that which can be observed. • 4. Developmental Systems Approach: Recognizes the importance of an individual's interactions within a complex and changing family & societal system. • 5. Ego: Part of the personality that is rational and mediates between the demands of the id and the constraints imposed by society. • 6. Id: Part of the personality that seeks to gratify pleasurable needs, especially sexual ones. • 7. Looking glass stage: The influence of others perception of us on how we come to perceive ourselves VOCABULARY cont’d • 8. Operant conditioning: A behavioral technique that uses a reinforcing stimulus to increase the frequency of a desired behavior. • 9. Play Stage: Children play at being specific other people, taking on one role or viewpoint at a time. • 10. Reinforcement: The process of influencing a behavior by adding or withholding a stimulus. • 11. Superego: Part of the personality that has internalized societies demands and acts as a sort of conscience to control the id. VOCABULARY cont’d • SECTION 3 & 4 (Pages 337-351) • 1. Attachment: The degree and quality of an infant’s attachment to his or her primary caregiver is reflected in his or her love relationships as an adult. • 2. Parent’s Bill of Rights: Recommended policy initiatives and reforms to improve the conditions under which parents attempt to raise children.