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Should you be
staring at your
phone right now
looking at a
muskrat - instead
of watching this
cool
presentation?
NO!
To produce a child is simply a matter of biology.
To “parent” a child is a difficult role to fulfill.
Psychologist Abraham Maslow developed a Pyramid of
Human Needs, an hierarchy of needs critical to survival.
It is the parent’s job to help meet these needs
of their child:
1. The child has physical needs of food,
water, shelter
2. The child must feel and be safe from harm
3. The child must feel love, a sense of
belonging; acceptance
4. The child must feel a sense of self-worth
5. The child must strive to be “all that they
can be” (fulfillment/ self-actualization))
In order to help the child satisfactorily meet these needs throughout their
lifetime, the parent must provide guidelines for behavior…discipline.
One of the most challenging aspect’s of the
parent’s job is discipline. Discipline is “the
task of helping children learn to behave in
acceptable ways…within the family and within
society”.
The term discipline does not mean
punishment; it means “guidance”
or “direction”. Punishment is only
one small part of guidance.
The ultimate goal of discipline is to
help children achieve self-discipline…
the ability to control one’s own
behavior.
With excellent guidance,
children gradually begin to
understand why certain
actions are right or
wrong…developing a
conscience!
Human beings possess the ability to use logic. They “choose” to behave
in certain ways, and with every choice comes a consequence. The role of
the parent is not to shield children from bad consequences, but to guide
children in learning to make good choices that have good consequences.
An adult can discipline a child without having an “attachment” to that child,
but a strong bond between the parent and child is very effective… making the
process of disciplining easier.
1. Communicate your respect to your child in word and deed each day.
2. Listen and respond to your child’s feelings as well as their words.
3. Model and teach courtesy, patience, kindness, thoughtfulness, honesty, loyalty,
responsibility, fairness, and forgiveness.
4. Give your child age-appropriate responsibilities at home. This solidifies their
sense of worth in a measurable way.
5. Recognize, acknowledge, and praise your child when s/he makes an effort to
do something good. Make a big deal out of it!
6. Avoid destructive expressions of anger such as insulting, sarcasm, shaming.
Try to discipline with dignity.
While parents can be friendly, they should not
be a friend. Children have lots of friends who
tell them what they want to hear. They don't
need you to be another friend. They need you to
be an authority figure who lets them know
where the boundaries of acceptable behavior
are. Trying to be his or her friend will only
undermine your authority as a parent. Friends
often come and go; friends do not love
unconditionally.
A child might tell you that he/she
wants you to be their friend. Are
parents that try this doing an
injustice to their child? (Children
cannot always assess or verbally
define their needs)
Burrhus Frederic Skinner was born March 20, 1904, in a
small Pennsylvania town.
-Originally studied English.
-Masters in psychology in 1930. (Harvard)
-Doctorate in 1931.
(Harvard)
-In 1945, he became the chairman of the
psychology
department at Indiana University.
He was renowned for his theories on human behavior...
the basis of many of today’s discipline methods.
B. F. Skinner
1904-1990
B. F. Skinner’s entire system is based on operant conditioning. The organism
is in the process of “operating” on the environment, which in ordinary terms
means it is doing what it does (behaving normally). During this “operating,”
the organism encounters a special kind of stimulus, called a reinforcing
stimulus, or simply a reinforcer. This special stimulus has the effect of
increasing the operant -- that is, the behavior occurring just before the
reinforcer. This is operant conditioning:
“the behavior is followed by a consequence, and the nature of the
consequence modifies the organisms tendency to repeat the behavior in the
future.”
Imagine a rat in a cage. This is a special cage (called, in fact, a “Skinner box”)
that has a bar or pedal on one wall that, when pressed, causes a little
mechanism to release a food pellet into the cage. The rat is wandering
around the cage, doing whatever it is rats do, when it accidentally presses the
bar and -- presto! -- a food pellet falls into the cage! The operant is the
behavior (pressing the bar) just prior to the reinforcer (the food pellet). In no
time at all, the rat is furiously peddling away at the bar, hoarding a pile of
pellets in the corner of the cage.
A behavior followed by a reinforcing stimulus results in an increased
probability of that behavior occurring in the future.
What if you don’t give
the rat any more
pellets? Apparently,
he’s no fool, and after
a few futile attempts,
he stops his barpressing
behavior. This is
called extinction of the
operant behavior.
A behavior no longer
followed by the
reinforcing stimulus
results in a decreased
probability of that
behavior occurring in
the future.
Skinner discovered, however, that if you
re-introduced the reinforcer again, the
operant behavior resumed more quickly
than it had originally been developed.
At one point in his experiments, Skinner decided to reduce the number of
reinforcements he gave his rats for whatever behavior he was trying to
condition (in other words, he didn’t always give the rat a food pellet even
when they did the desired behavior). The rats kept up their operant
behaviors, and at a stable rate. This is how Skinner discovered
schedules of reinforcement!
To encourage or produce a specific behavior,
continuous reinforcement must be used
initially. Once the pattern of behaviorfollowed-by-reinforcement appears quite well
established, the reinforcement does not
always have to be used. The desired behavior
will continue with only intermittent or variable
reinforcements.
Can you explain how schedules of
reinforcement are used by teachers when
they use gold stars, grades, or comments on
student’s papers?
If you shock a rat for touching
the wooden cube placed in the
Skinner box, then the rat will
stop touching the wooden
cube (maybe). If you spank
Johnny for throwing his toys
he will throw his toys less and
less (maybe).
Statistics show that
behaviors change more
quickly with the use of
punishment than with the
use of reinforcers, BUT
more permanently with
the use of reinforcers
rather than punishment.
An aversive stimulus is the opposite of a
reinforcing stimulus, something we might
find unpleasant or painful. An aversive
stimulus is commonly referred to as
punishment.
A behavior followed by an
aversive stimulus results in
a decreased probability of
the behavior occurring in the
future.
The reinforcements we have referred to in previous slides are “positive
reinforcements”… in rats this might be a food pellet; in children it
might be a desired stimulus such as praise, a gold star, a special candy
treat, rewarded with a special activity such as a picnic, getting a longer
recess, a hug.
There are also “negative reinforcements”. These are not necessarily the
same as punishment. The child’s behavior changes in order to stop an
existing punishment or aversive stimulus.
Example:
1. The child does not like the
parent to nag them about
taking out the garbage.
2. The child takes out the
garbage.
3. The parent stops nagging.
Example: A little boy is afraid to
go down a slide. He gets picked
up, put at the end of the slide,
asked if he is okay and if he can
jump down. He does, and is
showered with praise. He is then
picked up and put a foot or so up
the slide, asked if he is okay, and
asked to slide down and jump
off. He does. This is repeated
again and again, each time
moving him a little up the slide,
and backing off if he gets
nervous. Eventually, he can be
put at the top of the slide and slide
all the way down and jump
off. His behavior has been
“shaped”.
Shaping is a method of
successive approximations.
Basically, it involves first
reinforcing a behavior only
vaguely similar to the one
desired. Once that is
established, you look out for
variations that come a little
closer to what you want, and
so on, until you have the child
performing a behavior that
would never show up in
ordinary life.
Application:
I want my child to help
put away groceries when
they are brought home
every friday. What steps
might I take to “shape
this behavior”?
Behavior modification is the therapy technique. Simply, you extinguish
an undesirable behavior by removing the reinforcer, and replace it with a
desirable behavior by using a reinforcer. It has been used on all sorts of
psychological problems such as addictions, neuroses, shyness, autism,
schizophrenia, obsessive/compulsive tendencies -- and works
particularly well with children.
Example:
1. Undesirable behavior – Susy bites her nails
2. Remove the reinforcer – cover her hands with
gloves or paint the nails with bad-tasting
liquid
3. Catch Susy in the act of NOT BITING her nails
4. Offer Susy praise or a gold star or her choice
of polish color for not biting her nails
Token economy is a method of
discipline used primarily in
institutions such as psychiatric
hospitals, juvenile halls, and
prisons. Certain rules are made
explicit in the institution, and behaving
yourself appropriately is rewarded
with tokens -- poker chips, tickets,
funny money, recorded notes,
etc. Certain poor behavior is also
often followed by a withdrawal of
these tokens. The tokens can be
traded in for desirable things such as
candy, cigarettes, games, movies, time
out of the institution, and so on. This
has been found to be very effective in
maintaining order in these often
difficult institutions. In normal
situations, is it like buying good
behavior?
Example:
1. Get a smiley face beside your
name for every day that goes
by without a physical fight
2. A grumpy face sticker gets
pasted over a smiley face when
you start or join in a fight
3. When you get 5 smiley face
stickers showing, I’ll rent the
movie of your choice for you
Also known as “respondent learning” or “Pavlovian conditioning”. A
behavior occurs that is a learned response to a stimulus that was not
originally capable of producing the response.
Based on the theory of
Russian scientist Ivan
Pavlov (1849-1946)…
1. A bell rings, and
means nothing to the dog
2. The bell rings and food
becomes visible; the dog
starts salivating
3. Upon salivating, the dog
gets the food
4. Repeated often enough, the
dog will start salivating at
the sound of the bell
Application:
1. The teacher flicks the light switch
in the room on and off; it means
nothing to the noisy students
2. The light flickers, and the teacher
says “shhhh” and gets very quiet;
the children get quiet
3. When the children get quiet, the
teacher smiles, praises them, and
continues with the lesson
4. Repeated often enough, the
children will get very quiet as soon
as they see the lights flicker
STEP 1: Be committed and consistent.
It's crucial that your child knows that you're going to do
what you say you will. If you explain what a punishment
will be, and then don't act on it, you will have less
credibility the next time. Make a commitment to your
child's discipline, and be consistent in your behavior
toward them.
Don’t say “no” unless you
mean “no”. Don’t give in to
begging. It’s better to be
wrong than to be wishywashy in your decision.
Don’t offer children a
choice unless you can live
with their decision.
(Example: “Would you pick
up your toys now, please?”)
STEP 2: Be realistic in your expectations of the child.
Don't ask your child to do anything he/she cannot do. Make
sure that what you are asking of your child is a behavior
within his or her reach — if it's not, your child will get
frustrated and be less likely to listen to you in the future.
Expectations will change over time as the child ages.
“I am your mother, and
I told you to pick up all
those blocks and sort
them by size and put
them back on the shelf
in the right spot!”
Would this request be a
realistic expectation for
the child at the right?
STEP 3: Find out what the child values.
Identify the things your child likes or values.
it could be a toy, a particular activity, or
even a privilege like getting to stay awake to
a particular hour. If you control these things,
then you control the behavior those things
depend on. Once you understand what your
child values, you can withdraw positive
things (taking away the toy) or introduce
negative things (making them take a timeout from an activity) as a form of discipline.
What your child values will change over
time, as they age. While taking away a toy
might work for a 3 year old, taking away TV
might work for an 8 year old, and taking
away the car keys might work for a 17 year
old.
STEP 4: Give the children
predictable consequences.
It's important for your child to
understand that the same result
will come from the same
behavior. Make your child feel like
he/she has control over their life:
If your child behaves in "Way A,"
they need to be sure that they will
always get "Consequence B." If
he/she can count on the rules
staying the same, they're more
likely to abide by them.
I’m sorry you’re mad, but you heard your teacher. Every time you try
to cheat while playing this game, you’re going to have to spend
another timeout on the bleachers!
When I broke my truck, Dad said “toys
cost a lot of money” and I should “take
good care of them”. I think he meant this
toy tractor, too!
STEP 5: Use child-level
logic.
Explain your values in
terms your child can
understand. Take the
time to explain the
reasons behind why you
are asking he/she to
behave in certain ways —
if your child understands
the kinds of behavior
you'd like them to avoid,
they're more likely to
apply that reasoning to
different situations,
instead of learning to
stop one behavior at a
time.
By definition, punishment in
the form of physical contact
is called corporal
punishment. This would
include punching, shaking,
striking (with hand or object),
biting, pinching, and/or
spanking.
The debate: Is
corporal punishment a
form of discipline or a
form of abuse? What
does corporal
punishment
teach…improved
behavior or violence?
Licensed caregivers and
public school teachers in the
state of Nebraska are
prohibited from using
corporal punishment.
Much of the world—including Asia, the
Middle East, the U.S., the U.K., Canada
and New Zealand—leaves the spanking
issue up to parents. But 11 nations—
Austria, Croatia, Cyprus, Denmark,
Finland, Germany, Israel, Iceland, Latvia,
Norway and Sweden—have laws
prohibiting corporal punishment of
children by caregivers or parents.
Sanctions range from fines to possible
imprisonment. Parents traveling with
children should be aware of these laws
regarding corporal punishment.
PROS:
Spanking can be immediately
effective on a short-term basis in
getting children to change the
negative behaviors that prompted
the spanking.
Spanking has been shown to be
most effective in 2- to 6-year-olds
when used in conjunction with
milder disciplinary methods, such
as reasoning and time-outs.
In a study, parents who combined
reasoning with negative
consequences such as spanking
had the most success in
changing negative
behaviors…more so than other
forms of discipline such as time
outs.
CONS:
Long-term consequences of spanking
can include increased aggressiveness,
antisocial behavior, and delinquency.
Spanking without reasoning may fail to
teach the child right from wrong. The
child may simply avoid the undesirable
behaviors in the presence of the parent.
Physical punishment can send mixed
messages to a child and reinforce
aggressive behavior. When parents
model aggressive behaviors by
spanking, they reinforce the idea that
physical aggression is the way to get
what you want.
It is suggested that frequently spanking
children weakens the closeness of the
parent/child relationship.
If you decide that spanking is an appropriate
form of punishment for your child, and you
have already given a warning, then proceed
by following these rules:
1. The two places you can spank a child are
on the hands, or on his/her bottom.
2. If spanking on the child’s bottom, their
bottom should be clothed.
3. Use your hand to spank…NEVER use an
object.
4. You may be angry, but you MUST be in
control enough to explain exactly HOW
you’re going to spank them and WHY...
BEFORE YOU START TO SPANK! If you
are too angry to do that…you are too
angry to spank a child, because you are
“out of control”.
5. Follow through with the spanking exactly
as you have explained.
“I told you not to throw that
toy in the house or you’d get
a spanking. Throwing toys in
the house is dangerous. You
threw the toy anyway, so now
I am going to spank you. I’m
going to bend you over my
knee and spank you 3 times.”
If you decide that time out is an appropriate
form of punishment for your child between
the ages of 2 and 12, follow these rules for
best effectiveness:
1. The time-out area should be easily accessible, and in such a location that
the child can be easily monitored while in time-out.
2. Place the child in time out; tell them why they are being placed on time
out; have no further discussion.
3. Set a timer with an audible bell to signal the end of timeout; the timeout
period should last 1 minute for each year of age
4. While in time-out, the child should not be permitted to talk, and the parent
should not communicate with the child in any way. The child also should
not make noises, or be allowed to play with any toy, listen to the radio or
stereo, watch television, or bang on the furniture. Any violation of time-out
should result in automatic resetting of the clock for another time-out
period.
5. Timeout only works if the child is willing to serve the time out period.
Select an activity or object you can take away until the child serves the
timeout.
Sometimes children display temper tantrums in an
attempt to get what they want, but in fact, these
tantrums cannot work unless there is an audience.
Kicking, screaming, pounding fists, stomping feet,
disruptions to a group activity, and even holding their
breath to the point of passing out may be typical of a
child’s tantrum behaviors. In these events, the best
form of discipline may actually be no discipline at all.
The tantrum is “performed” for attention (good or
bad), and when absolutely no attention is given the
tantrum is no longer effective. In other words, you
might choose to ignore misbehavior.
Indulgence means “over-gratification”, “yielding to a
wish”, “a tolerant attitude”. To “spoil” a child means
over-indulgence.
Spoiled children have a very difficult time growing up and living life
successfully. As a parent, you must adhere to some difficult rules and
some form of discipline in order to keep from spoiling your child:
Your primary job as a parent is to prepare your child for
how the world really works.
In the real world, you don't always get what you want. You will be better able
to deal with that as an adult if you've experienced it as a child.
Children, like adults, do not need to be happy all of the time.
It is not a parent’s job to make their child “happy”.
If your parent/child relationship is based on material goods, your child won't
have the chance to experience unconditional love.
Be a good role model. A parent is not the only influence in their child’s life,
so they’d better be the best one!
Redefine what taking care of your children means. Are you providing for them
emotionally and spiritually? You
need not buy them material
goods in order to create a bond. Instead of tangible gifts, how
about spending some time together? Be careful that you aren't teaching them
that emotions can be healed by buying material things.
Make sure your children aren't defining their happiness
and their status in the world as a function of what they
wear or drive. Sit down with them and have a one-on-one conversation
about what really defines their worth — their intelligence, their creativity, their
caring, their giving, their work ethic, etc. If you spent equal time sitting down
and talking to them about what really mattered as you do shopping, you might
be able counterbalance the countless images they see telling them otherwise.
Understand "intrinsic" versus "extrinsic" motivation. If you
are always rewarding your child with material things, he/she will never learn
how to motivate themselves with internal rewards like pride.
Make sure your child understands the value of hard work.
In order to succeed, you have to do things you don’t
really want to do; things other people don’t want to, but
things that need to be done.
Who does your child idolize? Who is their hero? Discuss this with your
child…is this idol truly worthy of this hero status? Is this a good role
model for your child?
Help your child set goals. Teach her that striving to own nice things is fine
if she understands how much hard work it takes to afford that, and then
doesn't base her self-worth around what she buys.
Your child does not have to like you every minute of
every day. He'll get over the disappointment of having been told "no."
But he won't get over the effects of being spoiled.
Child care providers must operate under entirely different
restrictions than the parent.
The center shall ensure that no child
is left alone, pinched, punched,
shaken, struck with any object,
bitten, or spanked by staff…no
corporal punishment!
A brief,
supervised
separation
from the
group may
be used…
time out.
The staff cannot discipline:
By denial of food
By forced napping
For toileting accidents
By making any sort of
derogatory remarks about
them or their family
By using abusive or profane
language, yelling or
screaming, or threats of
physical punishment