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Chapter 11
Attraction
Interpersonal
Attraction
Attraction
Friendship
Love
Coping with Loneliness
Attraction
• Attraction: A force that draws people
together.
• Attraction is broader than simple sexual
attraction. Attraction also encompasses
the feeling of liking towards friends, and
having positive thoughts towards others.
• Two forms of interpersonal attraction are
friendship and love.
Physical Attractiveness
• Physical attraction is the key factor
determining romantic attraction.
• Physical attraction includes such
attributes as facial structure, tallness,
figure, breasts, etc.
United States
• In our society, tallness is an asset for men, although college
women prefer dates who are medium in height. Tall women tend
to be viewed less positively.
• Tallness is associated with social dominance and many men are
uncomfortable when they must “look up” to a woman.
• College women prefer their dates to be about 6 inches taller
than they are, whereas college men, on average, prefer women
to be 4.5 inches shorter.
• Shortness is perceived to be a liability for both men and women.
• Did you Know? In our society, greater height = greater income?
Breasts
• There is a stereotype in our society that men
prefer larger breasts. In essence, the bigger
the better.
• While there is some support for this, one
study found that people seem to have an
exaggerated idea of the sizes the other
gender actually prefers.
Beauty
• Some aspects of beauty appear to be
cross-cultural.
• Both British and Japanese men
consider women with large eyes, high
cheekbones, and narrow jaws to be
most attractive.
What about weight?
• This tends to be a cultural phenomena. While some
cultures value “plumpness”, there is great pressure in
our society to be slender.
• In today’s society, most college aged men believe
that their build is close to what women are seeking,
while women feel that they (women) are heavier than
what men find attractive.
• In studies…men actually prefer women to be heavier
than women expect, and women expect men to be
somewhat thinner than men assume.
Gender Differences in
Attraction.
• Women place greater emphasis than men on
traits like vocational status, earning potential,
expressiveness, kindness, consideration,
dependability and fondness for children.
• Men give more consideration to youth,
physical attractiveness, cooking ability and
frugality.
• Cross-cultural studies have discovered similar
attitudes.
Stereotypes of Attractive People
• Attractive adults and children tend to be
judged and treated more positively by their
peers.
• We judge attractive people as popular,
intelligent, mentally healthy and fulfilled.
• We expect attractive people to be persuasive
and hold prestigious jobs. We even expect
them to be good parents and have stable
marriages.
Culture and Attractiveness.
• Culture differences exist in attractiveness
preferences.
• For example, in some African cultures,
plumpness is attractive, whilst in American
culture, super-thin is viewed as the “ideal”.
• However, there are many similarities. For
example, in terms of feminine beauty, a small
nose, thin cheeks and full lower lip are seen
as attractive across many cultures.
The Matching Hypothesis
• Matching Hypothesis: The view that people
generally seek to develop relationships with
people who are similar to themselves in
attractiveness and other attributes, such as
attitudes.
• Researchers have found that people who are
dating steadily, engaged or married tend to be
matched in physical attractiveness. Young
married couples even tend to be matched in
weight.
Attraction and Similarity
• Similarity in attitudes and tastes is a key
contributor to initial attraction, friendships, and
love relationships. However, women appear
to place a greater emphasis than men do on
attitude similarity as a determinant of
attraction.
• Men seem to value attitude similarity in terms
of sexuality rather than religious attitudes
whereas women find religious attitudinal
similarity to be more important.
Proximity and Reciprocity
• We tend to develop relationships with
individuals in close proximity to us. This
makes sense as we are more likely to interact
with individuals in closer proximity.
• People who live closer together also tend to
have similar attitudes.
• Reciprocity: The tendency to return feelings
and attitudes that are expressed about us.
Sexual Orientation
• Sexual Orientation: The directionality of one’s romantic or
erotic interests—that is, whether one is sexually attracted
to, and interested in forming romantic relationships with,
people of the other or the same gender.
• Heterosexual: Referring to people who are sexually
aroused by, and interested in forming romantic
relationships with, people of the other gender.
• Homosexual: Referring to people who are sexually
aroused by, and interested in forming romantic
relationships with, people of the same gender.
• Bisexual: A person who is sexually aroused by, and
interested in forming romantic relationships with, people of
either gender.
Origins of Sexual Orientation
• Psychodynamic: Unresolved oedipal or electra complexes
lead to identification with the opposite gender parent.
• Learning theory: Early reinforcement of sexual behavior
can influence one’s sexual orientation.
• Genetic factors: Researchers have found evidence for
possible genetic factors.
• Sex Hormones: Sex hormones may play a role in sexual
orientation via both activating and organizing effects.
• Ultimately, sexual orientation may be explained by a
combination of factors (genetic, hormonal and
environmental).
Attitudes, Coming Out and
Adjustment
• Although most people in the United States believe
that gay people should have equal access to jobs,
some would bar them from certain professions.
• Due to the social environment in our society, gay
males and lesbians often struggle to come to terms
with their sexual orientation. The first challenge is to
“come out.” This can be a difficult process given
expectations that family and friends may react
negatively.
• Gay males and lesbians are more likely to experience
feelings of anxiety and depression, and that they are
more prone to suicide.
Friends
• Clique: A small group of close friends who
share confidences.
• Crowd: A large number of loosely knit friends
who share activities.
• Friends play a major role throughout our lives.
In late adulthood, for example, the quality of
friendliness is associated with psychological
well-being.
What Qualities are Important?
• Psychology Today magazine survey of
40,000 readers found the following
characteristics to be the 6 most
important for friends: Ability to keep
confidences, loyalty, warmth and
affection, supportiveness, honesty and
frankness, humor.
Styles of Love
• Eros: Romantic love. Love at first site. “We are
perfect for each other.” “I am turned on by you!”
• Storge: Friendship-love. Storge is loving
attachment, deep friendship, or nonsexual affection.
• Pragma: Pragmatic, or logical love. “I consider a
lover’s potential in life before committing myself.”
• Mania: Possessive, excited love. “I get so excited
about my love that I cannot sleep.”
• Agape: Selfless love. “I would do anything I can to
help my lover.”
Romantic Love in Today’s Society
• When we speak of falling in love, we are
referring to romantic love (not the type
of love a parent has a child).
• Romantic Love: a passionate form of
love involving strong erotic attraction to
another combined with desires for
intimacy.
Sternberg
• Intimacy: Based on the sharing of intimate
(deeply personal) information and feelings of
mutual acceptance (this is the emotional
aspect of love).
• Passion: Involves sexual attraction and the
desire for sexual intimacy (this is the
motivational force of love).
• Commitment: The cognitive, or decisional
component of love.
Romantic Versus Companionate
Love
• Does Romantic love provide a sound basis
for marriage?
• Hill (1976) followed 200 couples in college
over a two year period during which over half
broke up.
• People are more likely to maintain
relationships if they have developed
companionate love.
Loneliness
• People who are lonely, as compared to those who are
not, tend to show the following behavior patterns:
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They spend more time by themselves
They are more likely to eat dinner alone
They are more likely to spend weekends alone
They engage in fewer social activities
They are unlikely to be dating
• Loneliness tends to peak during adolescence and older
adulthood.
Causes of Loneliness
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Lack of social skills
Lack of interest in other people
Lack of empathy
High self-criticism
Failure to disclose information about
themselves
Cynicism about human nature
Demanding too much too soon
General pessimism
An external locus of control
Lack of sense of community
What To Do?
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Make frequent social contacts
Combat shyness
Be assertive
Become a good listener
Let people get to know you
Fight fair
Tell yourself that you’re worthy of friends
Find an on-campus job
Make use of college counseling center
services