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PSY 321 Dr. Sanchez Interpersonal Attraction & Close Relationships The Need to Belong The need to belong is a basic human motive. We care deeply about what others think of us. Those with a network of close social ties tend to be …………………………………more satisfied with life than those who are more isolated. The Thrill of Affiliation Need for Affiliation: The desire to establish social contact with others. We are motivated to establish and maintain an optimum balance of social contact. Stress arouses our need for affiliation. “Fearful misery loves company” But, “…………………. misery seeks solitude” “Misery loves the company of those in the same miserable situation” Shyness: A Pervasive Problem 60 50 40 Percentage Describe Self 30 as Shy 20 10 0 United States Israel Germany Taiwan Japan The Agony of Loneliness A feeling of deprivation about social relations. Most likely to occur during times of transition or disruption. Loneliest group in American society are those ………………………. Getting Together: The Psychology of Attraction Proximity: Liking People who are Nearby “If you can’t be with the one love, honey, love the one you’re with.” Proximity: Liking People who are Nearby Westgate West: Housing at MIT ~1949 (Festinger, 1950) Proximity: Liking People who are Nearby Westgate West: Housing at MIT ~1950 Close friends: Next door neighbors: 41% Two doors down: 22% Opposite ends of hallway: 10% “Contrary to popular belief, I do not believe that friends are necessarily the people you like best; they are merely the people who got there first.” (Sir Peter Ustinov, 1977) Becoming Friends By Chance Proximity Continued The single best predictor of attraction is physical proximity, or nearness. Where we live influences the friends we make. College students tend to date those who live either nearby or in the same type of housing as they do. Why does it work? Availability Mere exposure The more often people are exposed to an object, the more positively they evaluate that object Mere Exposure Example (Moreland & Beach, 1992) Procedure Four women and a classroom 4 women attended class 1 women 0 times 1 woman 5 classes 1 woman 10 classes 1 woman 15 classes Students rate women on traits at end of semester Mere Exposure Example (Moreland & Beach, 1992) Procedure Four women and a classroom 4 women attended class 1 women 0 times 1 woman 5 classes 1 woman 10 classes 1 woman 15 classes Students rate women on traits at end of semester Results: the more classes the woman attended, the more favorable her ratings became Physical Attractiveness: Getting Drawn In “What’s beautiful is good” (Dion et al., 1972) Teachers judge attractive students as more intelligent than unattractive students (Clifford & Walster, 1973), Adults, and nurses in pediatric wards, punish unattractive children more harshly than attractive children (Dion, 1974) Texas judges set lower bail and smaller fines for attractive suspects (Downs & Lyons, 1991) Attractive people make more money (Hamermesh & Biddle, 1994) and get better job ratings from bosses (Hosoda et al., 2003) Parents spend more time looking at attractive babies!!! Physical Attractiveness: Getting Drawn In Physical attractiveness is a powerful predictor of being liked “Beauty is a greater recommendation than any letter of introduction” (Aristotle) Why? Stereotype beautiful is good People are rewarded intrinsically and extrinsically for associating with beautiful others. But….Limitations of Beautiful is Good Stereotype Is the Physical Attractiveness Stereotype Accurate? Good-looking people do have……. But beauty is not related to objective measures of intelligence, personality, adjustment, or self-esteem. The specific nature of the stereotype also depends on …………. When Being Seen Leads to Disbelief Self-Fulfilling Prophecy of Physical Attractiveness (Snyder, Tanke, Berscheid, 1977) Procedure: Unacquainted males & females P set up as partners Males get a photo of female partner ½ get photo of attractive female ½ get photo of unattractive female In reality, the photo was not the woman on the phone Partners have conversation via headphones “observers” listened only to female side of the conversation Self-Fulfilling Prophecy of Physical Attractiveness (Snyder, Tanke, Berscheid, 1977) Dependent variables Judges’ ratings of females Males’ impressions of females Results: When men thought she was attractive, she actually became more likeable (i.e., more animated, more confident, warmer) M’s expectations based on attractiveness Ms act in line w/ expectations F’s behavior & M’s impressions are expectancy consistent What is Physically Attractive? What is Physically Attractive? Cross-cultural consistency (Cunningham, 1995) Certain body features Waste-hip ratio For women, hourglass Asian, Latino, White, & Black students rating people from all four groups on attractiveness Very high consistency For men, “V”-shape Tall men preferred What is Physically Attractive? Facial features Wide-set eyes Small, straight nose Well-proportioned features Babies prefer faces considered attractive by adults. Computerized “averaged” faces Averaged are attractive 4 Faces 4 Faces 8 Faces 8 Faces 16 Faces 16 Faces 32 Faces 32 Faces Averageness: Why? People also find other averaged objects more attractive (Halberstadt & Rhodes, 2002): Dogs, birds, fish, cars, and wristwatches Average faces are more prototypical, and therefore, more familiar People prefer “symmetry,” and averaged faces are more symmetrical Symmetry might be associated with health, fitness, and fertility Is Beauty a Subjective Quality? People from different cultures enhance their beauty in very different ways. Ideal body shapes vary across cultures, as well as among racial groups within a culture. Standards of beauty change over time. Situational factors can influence judgments of beauty. …… Romantic Red: The Color of Attraction? Similarity: Liking People Who Are Just Like Us Birds of a feather flock together Opposites attract Similarity: Liking People Who Are Just Like Us Procedure Pairs selected based on attitudes Birds of a feather flock together ½ similar attitudes ½ dissimilar attitudes Pairs went on a date Results Highly similar pairs were more attracted to each other than dissimilar pairs Similarity: Liking People Who Are Just Like Us The matching hypothesis: People tend to date and marry others of similar attractiveness Why does it happen? People want to date attractive people, but rejection hurts Possibility of rejection makes people more realistic Most attractive people pair off and are “off the market” People seek the best but settle for what they can get! I-sharing We also like people who respond similarly to external events, even if dissimilar backgrounds. Why? Reciprocity: Liking Others Who Like Us Reciprocity: We like people who like us An enormously powerful effect How to win friends and influence people (Dale Carnegie, 1937) Sold 15 million copies If you want others to like you, make sure they know you like them! Reciprocity: Liking Others Who Like Us Procedure Female pairs met several times to discuss topics P overheard follow-up conversation btw her partner and experimenter ¼ constantly positive comments about her ¼ constantly negative comments about her ¼ negative to positive comments about her (gain) ¼ positive to negative comments about her (loss) Results: P liked partner …………… Playing Hard to Get Playing Hard to Get Problem with playing hard to get We prefer people who are moderately selective compared to those who are too selective (and nonselective) We’re turned off by those who reject us Playing Hard to Get: Do “the girls get prettier at closing time?” Attraction toward those who are hard to get because of external factors Study 1 (Pennebaker et al, 1979): Bar patrons rated attractiveness of same and opposite sex Ratings taken at different time periods People of opposite sex were seen as more attractive as the night wore on Alcohol? Study 2 (Madey et al, 1996): Bar patrons rate attractiveness of same and opposite sex Bar patrons’ level of commitment to a relationship People of opposite sex were seen as more attractive as the night wore on BUT ONLY for those on the lookout for a “late-night” date Conclusion: Closing time poses threat of losing chance with person, so it might not be alcohol Scarcity, not inebriation Mate Selection: The Evolution of Desire Men and women by nature believed to differ in their optimal mating behaviors. Women must be highly selective because they are biologically limited in the number of children they can bear and raise in a lifetime. Men can father an unlimited number of children and ensure their reproductive success by inseminating many women. Sex Differences in Mate Preference Supporting Evidence for the Evolutionary Perspective Universal tendency in desired age for potential mate. Men tend to seek younger women. Women tend to desire older men. Men and women become jealous for different reasons. Men become most upset by sexual infidelity. Women feel more threatened by emotional infidelity. Mate Selection: Sociocultural Perspectives Women trade youth and beauty for money because they often lack direct access to economic power. Men are fearful of sexual infidelity because it represents a threat to the relationship, not fatherhood issues. The differences typically found between the sexes are small compared to the similarities. Conspicuous Consumption If women are drawn to men who have wealth or the ability to obtain it, then it stands to reason that men would flaunt their resources the way the male peacock displays his brilliantly colored tail. Sex Ration Effects on Conspicuous Consumption Expressions of Love Male and female stereotypes would suggest that while men are more likely to chase sex, women to seek love Who’s The First To Say “I Love You”? Staying Together: The Psychology of Close Relationships Secure and Insecure Attachment Styles Attachment Style: The way a person typically interacts with significant others. Is the attachment style we had with our parents related to the attachment style we exhibit in our romantic relationships? Attachment Style Intimate/Romantic Relationships Often involve three basic components: Feelings of attachment, affection, and love. The fulfillment of psychological needs. ……………….. Murstein’s (1986) Stimulus-Value-Role Theory 3 Stages of Romantic Relationships: Stimulus Stage: Attraction is sparked by external attributes such as physical appearance. Value Stage:……………………. Role Stage: Commitment is based on the performance of such roles as husband and wife. Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love I have a comfortable relationship with______ Just seeing______is exciting to me I will always feel a strong love for______ Types of Love (cont.) Hatfield et al. (1988) Passionate Love: Romantic love characterized by high arousal, intense attraction, and fear of rejection. Companionate Love: A secure, trusting, stable partnership. Romantic Love: The Thrill of It Romantic love requires: A heightened state of physiological arousal; and The belief that this arousal was triggered by the beloved person. Sometimes can misattribute physiological arousal to romantic love. Process known as excitation transfer. Romantic Love: Arousal and Attribution Love on a bridge (Dutton & Aron, 1974) Capilano Canyon Suspension Bridge: ...a tendency to tilt, sway, and wobble, creating the impression that one is about to fall over the side... ...230-foot drop to rocks and shallow rapids below the bridge... Control Bridge: Constructed of heavy cedar 10 feet above a small, shallow rivulet high handrails and did not tilt or sway Romantic Love: Arousal and Attribution Love on a bridge (Dutton & Aron, 1974) -Participants were approached on bridge by attractive female experimenter -Asked to tell story about a relationship -Told they could call experimenter for results in a few weeks, given number Romantic Love: Arousal and Attribution Results of Love on a bridge (Dutton & Aron, 1974) In suspension bridge condition: In safe bridge condition: Wrote significantly more sexual stories 50% called experimenter Wrote significantly less sexual stories 13% called experimenter _________________________ Would You Marry Someone if You Were Not in Love? 80 70 60 50 Percentage 40 Saying Yes 30 Men Women 20 10 0 1967 1986 American Students Surveyed Love over time Romantic love has a limited life-span 18 - 30 months (Hazan, 1999) When relationships last, companionate love appears to be what lasts... Most common responses among couples married over 15 years when asked why their marriages had lasted (Lauer & Lauer, 1985): “My spouse is my best friend.” “I like my spouse as a person.” Why does the romance fade? Fantasy turns to reality Novelty disappears Arousal fades with time; Developing tolerance to the effects of love hormones Sexuality Issues Relationship Issues: Sexuality Problems with studying sexual activities: Limitations of self-reports What does it mean to “have sex”? Men view the world in more “sexualized” terms. Gender similarities in various behaviors (e.g., safe sex, types of sexual activities) except with regard to pornography, casual sex and masturbation. What is sex and when are people having it? Relationship Issues: Sexual Orientation Sexual orientation is one’s sexual preference for members of the same sex, opposite sex, or both sexes. Large scale surveys suggest that 3-4% of men are exclusively homosexual. 1-2% of women are exclusively homosexual. Erotic Plasticity- ………………..