Survey
* Your assessment is very important for improving the workof artificial intelligence, which forms the content of this project
* Your assessment is very important for improving the workof artificial intelligence, which forms the content of this project
Intimate relationship wikipedia , lookup
Social tuning wikipedia , lookup
Group dynamics wikipedia , lookup
Haptic communication wikipedia , lookup
Internet relationship wikipedia , lookup
Impression formation wikipedia , lookup
Impression management wikipedia , lookup
Personal identity wikipedia , lookup
Interpersonal attraction wikipedia , lookup
Interpersonal relationship wikipedia , lookup
Social perception wikipedia , lookup
Personalism wikipedia , lookup
Mircea VLADU - Considerations regarding techniques for building interpersonal relation in communication Considerations regarding techniques for building interpersonal relation in communication Mircea VLADU Faculty of Economics, Alma Mater University of Sibiu, 57 Somesului St., 550003 Sbiu, Romania Phone/Fax: +40755058840, [email protected] Abstract Life brings us in hypostases of communicating with both known and unknown persons, who we meet on different occasions. We know the way the meeting with known persons will go on because we know their way of life, communication, and also the barriers affecting our communication. A problem appears when we have to communicate with persons we never met before. The surprise is even bigger when we cannot communicate freely due to the fact that we do not know each ones habits, attitude etc. The results of communication provide us the guarantee of a good contact with that person. These connections define the notion of interpersonal relation. Keywords: communication, interpersonal relation, interpersonal distance, personal zone, social zone. Abstract Viața ne aduce în ipostaze de a comunica atât cu persoane cunoscute, cât și cu persoane necunoscute, pe care le-am întâlnit cu diferite ocazii. Știm modul în care întâlnirea cu persoane cunoscute va decurge pe pentru că știm modul lor de viață, de comunicare, și, de asemenea, barierele care afectează comunicarea noastră. O problemă apare atunci când avem de comunicat cu persoanele pe care nu le-am mai întâlnit niciodată înainte. Surpriza este chiar mai mare atunci când nu putem comunica în mod liber din cauza faptului că nu știm obiceiurile, atitudinea persoanei etc Rezultatele comunicării ne oferă garanția unui bun contact cu persoana respectivă. Aceste conexiuni defineasc noțiunea de relație interpersonală. Cuvinte cheie: comunicare, relaţii interpersonale, distanţa interpersonală, zona personală, zona socială. Interpersonal relation in communication shows that environment of trust and confidence between partners situated on the same level, who share the same sentiments, in the same verbal and nonverbal expression. salutation, handshaking, embracing, kissing, name, and separation. Interpersonal distance We appreciate that an interpersonal relation cannot be established chaotically, but in an organized manner. In other words, an interpersonal relation can be built only if appropriate techniques are used. We will briefly present these techniques in the following paragraphs. During interpersonal relation in communication the parts involved speak directly, usually without intermediates; thus we may consider this type of communication close to proximity, because the distance between organization and target-public is very short. A simple technique which contributes to building an interpersonal relation and can support communication is the interpersonal distance. Stefan Prutianu, talking about the interpersonal distance, compares peoples to magnets: when two magnets are situated too close to reject each other, and if situated too far away do not interact to each other. From this perspective, we can say that peoples, like Interpersonal relation in communication can be realized face-to-face, in small-size reunions and in large-size reunions. The specialists suggest the use of the following techniques for building interpersonal relation in communication: interpersonal distance, appropriate moment, visual contact, 19 Sibiu Alma Mater University Journals – Series C. Social Sciences – Volume 7, no. 1 / 2014 animals, perceive a vital space where they feel safe. This perception can be more or less conscious. This space is different from person to person, according to his mode of perception, which is determined by his profession, culture, knowledge etc. “Peoples behave as they have invisible concentric covers around their body, whose invasion is not allowed anytime, anyway and to any intruder perceived as unpleasant or dangerous”. look to each other and will not communicate, and they will try to protect their intimate zone by using the luggage, knees, elbows etc. There is no mentally contact between the two individuals. The studies emphasize the variation of intimate zone in concordance with the individuals’ social status. The higher the social status, the larger the recognized intimate zone is. This can be an explanation for the emplacement of an organization’s leader’s chair when directing an administrative council board. Depending on interpersonal distance, the specialists identified the following safety zones: a) Intimate zone (0-0.45m) – represents an invisible cover around the body, whose thickness is about half of an arm. The individual feels protected only when the intruders are outside this imaginary cover. Penetration of one person’s intimate zone is allowed, according to Vera Binkenbihl, only after the intruder has earned the trust of that person and emanates a security feeling to him. However, there are situations when intruders penetrate one person’s intimate zone, without his permission. This particular situation is encountered especially in the relations between chief and subordinate, the first one being the intruder in all cases. Stefan Prutianu invites us to reflect on the problems regarding the intimate zone: self touching has good effects when we are sad and we are looking for support; moving off from dangerous peoples when we are scared; keeping the distance from someone, to hide our negative gestures, to escape indiscrete sights, or to attack him when we are nervous, is necessary. b) Personal zone (0.46-1.22m) – represents the second invisible cover around the body. The size of this zone can be compared to the length of a horizontal arm with the clinched fist. Inside this zone the tactile communication stops, the olfactory one diminishes substantially, and the oral communication becomes more pronounced. Vera Binkenbihl considers that anyone penetrating someone else’s intimate zone, without his will, is disregarding that person. This zone has an important mental signification. For example, a boy can reproach his girlfriend that she danced too close to another boy who is not belonging to their circle of friends. A general manager will react inadequately when he sees someone else sitting on his chair at a press conference organized by his institution. Tactile and olfactory communication predominates inside the intimate zone. Oral communication is almost totally absent here. In a bus, a sweat traveller’s bad smell makes the others go away at a safe distance. If the bus is really crowded and there is not enough space, the body starts to produce stress hormones which affect his comfort. There are no problems if the personal zone is invaded by agreeable persons. But when this personal zone is invaded by unpleasant persons, he will have negative mental reactions, like state of nerves etc. The intimate zone is divided into close (sex and fight) and remote sub zones. There are situations in which two persons have to get near each other physically, but not mentally. For example, when waiting at a cash register inside a supermarket, the situation imposes that an individual enter the intimate zone of other individual. Although there is a specific degree of discomfort, the two persons will not The specialists affirm that the size of personal zone is determined also by temperament, or demographic and cultural factors. For example, the Japanese are used to crowded places and thus their personal zone is smaller 20 Mircea VLADU - Considerations regarding techniques for building interpersonal relation in communication in size. It is not the case of Anglo-Saxons, whom personal zone is larger than the Japanese’s. superior that he was late, he risks falling into disgrace. Instead of auto-criticize himself for being late, the superior becomes irritated, excited and even threatening. The subordinate will not dare to criticize again his superior anymore. The conclusion, up to this point, is that personal zone’s limit is the same with interpersonal communication’s limit. In other words, inside this zone there are all the necessary conditions for interlocutors to address each other as from person to person. After studying the expert literature, we affirm that punctuality has not the same value for Latin peoples, Arabs and Balkan peoples. While the Balkan peoples are very punctual, the Latin peoples are not bothered by being late, and even more, the Arabs consider being late as a normal thing. Punctuality is one of the factors for appreciating and assessing the behaviour. For example, inside an organization, the person who comes early in the morning gets more appreciation than the one who remains after hours but is late in the morning. Good communication between two individuals is not possible if one of them is nervous and watches repeatedly his watch. Entering a personal zone is not possible without the person’s accord, and is allowed only if the two interlocutors know each other. c) Social zone (1.23-3.5m) – represents the distance at which a person can address prudently to a stranger, even during the night. The specialists appreciate that the social distance characterizes social meetings and communications. Inside this zone communication becomes impersonal. This means the interlocutor continues to be a stranger because his identity, needs and aspirations remain unknown. Visual contact Nature endowed man with eyes to see good things, but also not so good things. The doctors consider the eyes as a mirror of a healthy body. Bright, wet, shiny eyes show the person is in a good state of health. On the other hand, firmly, mourning eyes indicate sufferance. Life proved that communication can take place between peoples who like each other, as well as between peoples disliking each other. When communication takes place between two individuals liking each other, they look in the eyes most of the time. When communication is between two individuals disliking each other, they do not meet their sights. Two or more individuals can communicate using their sights. For example, an individual whose eye pupils dilate during a conversation expresses agreement, happiness, or satisfaction. Smaller eye pupils, almost hided by the eyelid expresses mistrust, dissatisfaction, provocation, defiance etc. d) Public zone (3.5m and above) – is the largest zone and therefore any communication act has no interpersonal or social character. In this situation, we do not face an interlocutor, but a public presence. The visual contact is less intense, the voice is louder, and the olfactory sense cannot perform its duty anymore. The public distance allows the use of polite structures and emphasizes the power rapports of the elites. In accordance with these elements, the judges are placed at great distances from the accused, in the court room. Appropriate moment Lack of punctuality may be considered lack of respect. From this perspective we appreciate that individual’s status and cultural background determines a certain position about punctuality. For example, a subordinate will arrive at a meeting with his superior a few minutes before the scheduled time. Likewise, an individual suffering an inferiority complex will arrive at a meeting before the scheduled time. At the opposite pole there is the superior who has no respect for punctuality and is frequently late. If someone dares to say to the The communication using the eyes can be official, in an entourage, or intimate. The type of sight is determined by the internal angle of the eye ball. In official sight, the eye ball’s 21 Sibiu Alma Mater University Journals – Series C. Social Sciences – Volume 7, no. 1 / 2014 internal angle is visible, showing the interest for communication. When the eye ball’s internal angle is covered, the interest for communication is very low. Individuals hiding their sight behind locks of hair or dark glasses during communication are distant and selfish. These elements are not characteristic to official communication; they are specific to intimate, or in an entourage communication. vendor salutes the customer; the office worker salutes the taxpayer; the student salutes the teacher; the parishioner salutes the priest; the moving person salutes the standing one; the subordinate salutes the superior. Handshaking According to our opinion, handshaking expresses a sentiment of friendship, trust and good intentions. This gesture has been used since ancient times, because handshaking creates a solidarity connexion. Allen Konopacki made an experiment to emphasize the importance of handshaking: after using a public telephone, leave the telephone card inside the telephone and wait outside the telephone booth. You will see that the peoples entering the telephone booth remove the card and put it into their pocket; if you ask them about the telephone card, they would say they had not seen it. But if you gat close to those peoples, introduce yourself and shake their hand, and ask about the telephone card, you will find out that most of them give you back your card. Stand-offish and selfishness are tolerated up to a point when communicating intimately or in an entourage. Beyond this point, the entourage or friendship disappears. Salutation The salute is the first ritual, and voluntary and visible manifestation of attitude and sentiments which two partners share. The salute fulfils three important functions: a) Providing the opportunity for peoples to recognize and communicate with each other; b) Providing the possibility for individual to prove that he can rely on himself when respecting social conventions; c) Allowing the reaffirmation construction of the relation’s between participants. What happened in fact? When you got close to peoples smiling and shaking their hand, your request generated a solidarity connection which determined them to recognize that they had found the card inside the telephone. The handshaking is not only a salute. This gesture occurs also when a person meets someone for the first time. There is a rule for handshaking that must always be obeyed by educated, wellmannered persons. For instance, a man should not stretch out his hand to a woman, but wait for the woman to stretch out her hand. The younger person should wait for the older one to stretch out his hand. or type There is a culture of salute and, at the same time, an informal, familiar, collegial salute, or an official, respectful salute. The most accepted form of salutation in a communication is: Good morning (afternoon, evening) madam / miss / mister. During official meetings, we have to add the function, rank or title after the form of salutation (Good afternoon Minister). The abbreviated forms of salute are not suitable in official communication (‘morning, hello); they should be avoided even in the familiar salute. Also, when we shake the hand we have to take off our hat, slightly bow the head and look towards the other’s eyes. It is always recommended that the men should stand up when shaking someone’s hand. The women do not have to stand up, but it is preferably to do so when they shake the hand of an older person. We have to respect the conventional manner when we communicate using the salute: the gentleman salutes the lady; the accompanied lady salutes the single lady; the younger person salutes the older person; the person arriving in a room salutes the others already there; the single person salutes the group; the The expert literature presents nine types of handshaking: 22 Mircea VLADU - Considerations regarding techniques for building interpersonal relation in communication a) Vice – although is not recommended, it is used by individuals willing to prove they are not as weak as they look like; we consider the pressure should be neither weak, nor strong. The pressure should be adjusted according to the partner’s. pulling, the interlocutor is brought into the individual’s space and by invading, the salute is produced in the interlocutor’s personal space; h) Dominant salute – is characteristic to individuals who consciously or involuntarily rotate their arm to bring the hand above the interlocutor’s hand. They gain an advantage because this posture induces a sentiment of control and domination; b) Weak hand – is characteristic to the arrogant persons and to those who have to shake hands with many peoples; we consider that this kind of handshaking is not recommended because the gesture shows lack of respect for the interlocutor; from daily practice we found out that very strong individuals, like Mike Tyson, shake hands very calmly, although their deadly punches have nothing to do with weak hand. i) Relocation of handshaking gesture – designates the rapid stretching of the arm in the interlocutor’s space; this is a domination sign. We found out, by studying the documents that Hrusciov skilfully used this technique at the meeting with Kennedy in 1961, and Mao Tze Dun did the same with Nixon in 1972; the gesture made by Hrusciov and Mao Tze Dun intimidated Kennedy and Nixon, who became even more precautious and reserved. c) Firm hand – is characteristic to persons looking for new experiences and also to extroverted individuals; the pressure is neither too strong, nor too weak, and the fingers are drawn together around the interlocutor’s hand. d) Leach hand – characterizes those who try to hold the other’s hand as long as possible in order to fulfil their goal for that meeting; the “aggressed” one does not have the courage to pull his hand back, and accepts the situation, until the partner releases it. If the gesture lasts too long, the person tries to find an excuse to free his hand; the situation can also be solved by a third person who will become the “new victim”; Embracing Outside the political arena, the embracing happens between very close persons who have not seen each other for a long time, or when they want to encourage or comfort each other. We noted, after analyzing some archive footages, that the embracing took place on the political arena between East-Europeans political leaders, before 1989. They even used to kiss each other on the cheeks. It was a standard type of salutation. After 1989, this type of salutation has pretty much disappeared. e) Wet hand – characterizes anxious persons; they know very well the cause of their hands’ sweating and try to conceal it by wiping it on clothes, or slightly arching it to reduce the contact surface between hands. However, there are few persons whose sweat is not generated by anxiety, but because of a disease called hyper-hydrous; The specialists identified the following types of embracing: lateral embracing – is due to some persons’ exaggerated care of not being misunderstood (homosexuality, sexual advances etc.); frontal embracing – is adopted by the persons who want to show their direct affection and who are not afraid of a possible misinterpretation of their gesture; half-moon embracing – is adopted by those who want their bodies to partially overlap, to avoid discussions about sexual aspects, which are inherent in a complete frontal embracing; straight embracing – implies total or very close contact between the two communication f) Meeting-again – is specific to the individual who grabs the interlocutor’s hand using his both hands, or only his right hand while the left hand is put on the interlocutor’s arm, back or shoulder; by doing so, that person adopts a more enthusiastic or intimate attitude; g) Invasive salute – is specific to individuals willing to place this gesture in the personal space, by “pulling” or by “invading” it; by 23 Sibiu Alma Mater University Journals – Series C. Social Sciences – Volume 7, no. 1 / 2014 partners; concave embracing – implies lack of contact between the bodies of the two communication partners, and it is adopted especially by persons who hesitate to embrace someone, pulling back the pelvis and straddling out the legs; convex embracing – is adopted by the persons who want to show their affection for the other one, approaching the feet and pushing the pelvis towards the other one; tapping on the shoulder – represents a warning sign, that is about the time to finish the embracing; although it may looks like an affective gesture, the specialists affirm that it represent in fact a way of announcing the other one to finish the embracing. done by those persons, or by another one present there. When a person introduces himself, he does it directly, at the beginning of the meeting, or after a short time. When a person is introduced by another person, he must say the name and something about him (for instance, she is Maria, the greatest volleyball player of Oltchim-Rm.Valcea team). It is important to know that when we introduce someone, we have to say the name (for instance, Mircea, I want to present you Mihai, Mihai he is Mircea). If someone does not remember a person’s name, he can resort to a trick, not to embarrass himself: a) Ask from the beginning that person’s name, saying that he has a slip of the tongue; b) Say his own name, hoping that the interlocutor will do the same; c) Act as on a stage, a situation which offers him the possibility not to say the name. Kissing Generally, the kiss represents a way of salutation. There are some nations which have strict rules regarding the kissing. As we know the facts, the British were champions at lipskissing, while the French were scandalized by this habit. Starting from 1660 (when the Restoration began), the British abandoned this gesture. In the lasts decades, they resumed this method of salutation. Separation There is a certain skill of separation, which consists of transmitting the message by: justification – the person argues his leaving due to a very important problem occurred, although in reality he just wants to leave; continuity – the separation is done using expressions like “see you soon”, or “we will keep in touch”; estimation – the person who leaves first tries to protect the relation by expressing his gratitude, for example “I spent a wonderful time with you”, or “the evening was great therefore I thank you”. There are many types of kissing: kissing on the cheek – is a social kissing used when the interlocutor arrives and leaves; kissing on the mouth – is generally used in a romantic or sexual context, but in some cultures it may be considered a ritual of kissing; kissing of the hand – appeared before the Second World War (men used to kiss women’s hand), and nowadays only the older persons are still using it; kissing on the forehead – expresses a parental, protective, special care for someone; kissing in the air – is a form of kissing without touching the partner; false kissing – is specific to those persons who prefer to be kissed rather than to kiss, and they only touch the partner’s cheek, without mimic the kiss; loud kissing – is based on a perceptible noise like the sonorous vocalize “mua”, but it is not recommended because it slights this type of salutation. Conclusions The key for an efficient personalized communication is the fact that the communicator and the interlocutor knows and applies the techniques for building interpersonal relation. The one who does not understand that an interpersonal relation cannot be established in a chaotic manner will create barriers in communication, and therefore he will extend disorder inside the family, working place, society etc. Name When two persons meet for the first time, they have to introduce to each other. This can be 24 Mircea VLADU - Considerations regarding techniques for building interpersonal relation in communication Bernanrd Dagenais, 2003, Campania de relaţii publice, Editura Polirom, p.209; References Ştefan Prutianu, 2005, Antrenamentul abilităţilor de comunicare, limbaje ascunse, Editura Polirom, p.330; Peter Collet, 2005, Cartea gesturilor, Editura Trei, p.138. 25