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Mircea VLADU - Considerations regarding techniques for building interpersonal relation in communication
Considerations regarding techniques for building interpersonal relation in
communication
Mircea VLADU
Faculty of Economics, Alma Mater University of Sibiu, 57 Somesului St., 550003 Sbiu, Romania
Phone/Fax: +40755058840, [email protected]
Abstract
Life brings us in hypostases of communicating with both known and unknown persons, who we meet on different
occasions. We know the way the meeting with known persons will go on because we know their way of life,
communication, and also the barriers affecting our communication. A problem appears when we have to
communicate with persons we never met before. The surprise is even bigger when we cannot communicate freely
due to the fact that we do not know each ones habits, attitude etc. The results of communication provide us the
guarantee of a good contact with that person. These connections define the notion of interpersonal relation.
Keywords: communication, interpersonal relation, interpersonal distance, personal zone, social zone.
Abstract
Viața ne aduce în ipostaze de a comunica atât cu persoane cunoscute, cât și cu persoane necunoscute, pe care le-am
întâlnit cu diferite ocazii. Știm modul în care întâlnirea cu persoane cunoscute va decurge pe pentru că știm modul
lor de viață, de comunicare, și, de asemenea, barierele care afectează comunicarea noastră. O problemă apare atunci
când avem de comunicat cu persoanele pe care nu le-am mai întâlnit niciodată înainte. Surpriza este chiar mai mare
atunci când nu putem comunica în mod liber din cauza faptului că nu știm obiceiurile, atitudinea persoanei etc
Rezultatele comunicării ne oferă garanția unui bun contact cu persoana respectivă. Aceste conexiuni defineasc
noțiunea de relație interpersonală.
Cuvinte cheie: comunicare, relaţii interpersonale, distanţa interpersonală, zona personală, zona socială.
Interpersonal relation in communication
shows that environment of trust and
confidence between partners situated on the
same level, who share the same sentiments, in
the same verbal and nonverbal expression.
salutation, handshaking, embracing, kissing,
name, and separation.
Interpersonal distance
We appreciate that an interpersonal relation
cannot be established chaotically, but in an
organized manner. In other words, an
interpersonal relation can be built only if
appropriate techniques are used. We will
briefly present these techniques in the
following paragraphs.
During
interpersonal
relation
in
communication the parts involved speak
directly, usually without intermediates; thus
we may consider this type of communication
close to proximity, because the distance
between organization and target-public is very
short.
A simple technique which contributes to
building an interpersonal relation and can
support communication is the interpersonal
distance. Stefan Prutianu, talking about the
interpersonal distance, compares peoples to
magnets: when two magnets are situated too
close to reject each other, and if situated too
far away do not interact to each other. From
this perspective, we can say that peoples, like
Interpersonal relation in communication can
be realized face-to-face, in small-size reunions
and in large-size reunions.
The specialists suggest the use of the
following techniques for building interpersonal
relation in communication: interpersonal
distance, appropriate moment, visual contact,
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Sibiu Alma Mater University Journals – Series C. Social Sciences – Volume 7, no. 1 / 2014
animals, perceive a vital space where they feel
safe. This perception can be more or less
conscious. This space is different from person
to person, according to his mode of perception,
which is determined by his profession, culture,
knowledge etc. “Peoples behave as they have
invisible concentric covers around their body,
whose invasion is not allowed anytime,
anyway and to any intruder perceived as
unpleasant or dangerous”.
look to each other and will not communicate,
and they will try to protect their intimate zone
by using the luggage, knees, elbows etc. There
is no mentally contact between the two
individuals.
The studies emphasize the variation of
intimate zone in concordance with the
individuals’ social status. The higher the social
status, the larger the recognized intimate zone
is. This can be an explanation for the
emplacement of an organization’s leader’s
chair when directing an administrative council
board.
Depending on interpersonal distance, the
specialists identified the following safety
zones:
a) Intimate zone (0-0.45m) – represents an
invisible cover around the body, whose
thickness is about half of an arm. The
individual feels protected only when the
intruders are outside this imaginary cover.
Penetration of one person’s intimate zone is
allowed, according to Vera Binkenbihl, only
after the intruder has earned the trust of that
person and emanates a security feeling to him.
However, there are situations when intruders
penetrate one person’s intimate zone, without
his permission. This particular situation is
encountered especially in the relations
between chief and subordinate, the first one
being the intruder in all cases.
Stefan Prutianu invites us to reflect on the
problems regarding the intimate zone: self
touching has good effects when we are sad and
we are looking for support; moving off from
dangerous peoples when we are scared;
keeping the distance from someone, to hide
our negative gestures, to escape indiscrete
sights, or to attack him when we are nervous,
is necessary.
b) Personal zone (0.46-1.22m) – represents the
second invisible cover around the body. The
size of this zone can be compared to the length
of a horizontal arm with the clinched fist.
Inside this zone the tactile communication
stops, the olfactory one diminishes
substantially, and the oral communication
becomes more pronounced.
Vera Binkenbihl considers that anyone
penetrating someone else’s intimate zone,
without his will, is disregarding that person.
This zone has an important mental
signification. For example, a boy can reproach
his girlfriend that she danced too close to
another boy who is not belonging to their
circle of friends. A general manager will react
inadequately when he sees someone else
sitting on his chair at a press conference
organized by his institution.
Tactile
and
olfactory
communication
predominates inside the intimate zone. Oral
communication is almost totally absent here.
In a bus, a sweat traveller’s bad smell makes
the others go away at a safe distance. If the bus
is really crowded and there is not enough
space, the body starts to produce stress
hormones which affect his comfort.
There are no problems if the personal zone is
invaded by agreeable persons. But when this
personal zone is invaded by unpleasant
persons, he will have negative mental
reactions, like state of nerves etc.
The intimate zone is divided into close (sex
and fight) and remote sub zones. There are
situations in which two persons have to get
near each other physically, but not mentally.
For example, when waiting at a cash register
inside a supermarket, the situation imposes
that an individual enter the intimate zone of
other individual. Although there is a specific
degree of discomfort, the two persons will not
The specialists affirm that the size of personal
zone is determined also by temperament, or
demographic and cultural factors. For
example, the Japanese are used to crowded
places and thus their personal zone is smaller
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Mircea VLADU - Considerations regarding techniques for building interpersonal relation in communication
in size. It is not the case of Anglo-Saxons,
whom personal zone is larger than the
Japanese’s.
superior that he was late, he risks falling into
disgrace. Instead of auto-criticize himself for
being late, the superior becomes irritated,
excited and even threatening. The subordinate
will not dare to criticize again his superior
anymore.
The conclusion, up to this point, is that
personal zone’s limit is the same with
interpersonal communication’s limit. In other
words, inside this zone there are all the
necessary conditions for interlocutors to
address each other as from person to person.
After studying the expert literature, we affirm
that punctuality has not the same value for
Latin peoples, Arabs and Balkan peoples.
While the Balkan peoples are very punctual,
the Latin peoples are not bothered by being
late, and even more, the Arabs consider being
late as a normal thing. Punctuality is one of the
factors for appreciating and assessing the
behaviour.
For
example,
inside
an
organization, the person who comes early in
the morning gets more appreciation than the
one who remains after hours but is late in the
morning. Good communication between two
individuals is not possible if one of them is
nervous and watches repeatedly his watch.
Entering a personal zone is not possible
without the person’s accord, and is allowed
only if the two interlocutors know each other.
c) Social zone (1.23-3.5m) – represents the
distance at which a person can address
prudently to a stranger, even during the night.
The specialists appreciate that the social
distance characterizes social meetings and
communications.
Inside
this
zone
communication becomes impersonal. This
means the interlocutor continues to be a
stranger because his identity, needs and
aspirations remain unknown.
Visual contact
Nature endowed man with eyes to see good
things, but also not so good things. The
doctors consider the eyes as a mirror of a
healthy body. Bright, wet, shiny eyes show the
person is in a good state of health. On the
other hand, firmly, mourning eyes indicate
sufferance. Life proved that communication
can take place between peoples who like each
other, as well as between peoples disliking
each other. When communication takes place
between two individuals liking each other,
they look in the eyes most of the time. When
communication is between two individuals
disliking each other, they do not meet their
sights. Two or more individuals can
communicate using their sights. For example,
an individual whose eye pupils dilate during a
conversation expresses agreement, happiness,
or satisfaction. Smaller eye pupils, almost
hided by the eyelid expresses mistrust,
dissatisfaction, provocation, defiance etc.
d) Public zone (3.5m and above) – is the
largest zone and therefore any communication
act has no interpersonal or social character. In
this situation, we do not face an interlocutor,
but a public presence. The visual contact is
less intense, the voice is louder, and the
olfactory sense cannot perform its duty
anymore. The public distance allows the use of
polite structures and emphasizes the power
rapports of the elites. In accordance with these
elements, the judges are placed at great
distances from the accused, in the court room.
Appropriate moment
Lack of punctuality may be considered lack of
respect. From this perspective we appreciate
that individual’s status and cultural
background determines a certain position
about punctuality. For example, a subordinate
will arrive at a meeting with his superior a few
minutes before the scheduled time. Likewise,
an individual suffering an inferiority complex
will arrive at a meeting before the scheduled
time. At the opposite pole there is the superior
who has no respect for punctuality and is
frequently late. If someone dares to say to the
The communication using the eyes can be
official, in an entourage, or intimate. The type
of sight is determined by the internal angle of
the eye ball. In official sight, the eye ball’s
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internal angle is visible, showing the interest
for communication. When the eye ball’s
internal angle is covered, the interest for
communication is very low. Individuals hiding
their sight behind locks of hair or dark glasses
during communication are distant and selfish.
These elements are not characteristic to
official communication; they are specific to
intimate, or in an entourage communication.
vendor salutes the customer; the office worker
salutes the taxpayer; the student salutes the
teacher; the parishioner salutes the priest; the
moving person salutes the standing one; the
subordinate salutes the superior.
Handshaking
According to our opinion, handshaking
expresses a sentiment of friendship, trust and
good intentions. This gesture has been used
since ancient times, because handshaking
creates a solidarity connexion. Allen
Konopacki made an experiment to emphasize
the importance of handshaking: after using a
public telephone, leave the telephone card
inside the telephone and wait outside the
telephone booth. You will see that the peoples
entering the telephone booth remove the card
and put it into their pocket; if you ask them
about the telephone card, they would say they
had not seen it. But if you gat close to those
peoples, introduce yourself and shake their
hand, and ask about the telephone card, you
will find out that most of them give you back
your card.
Stand-offish and selfishness are tolerated up to
a point when communicating intimately or in
an entourage. Beyond this point, the entourage
or friendship disappears.
Salutation
The salute is the first ritual, and voluntary and
visible manifestation of attitude and
sentiments which two partners share.
The salute fulfils three important functions:
a)
Providing the opportunity for peoples to
recognize and communicate with each
other;
b)
Providing the possibility for individual to
prove that he can rely on himself when
respecting social conventions;
c)
Allowing
the
reaffirmation
construction of the relation’s
between participants.
What happened in fact? When you got close to
peoples smiling and shaking their hand, your
request generated a solidarity connection
which determined them to recognize that they
had found the card inside the telephone. The
handshaking is not only a salute. This gesture
occurs also when a person meets someone for
the first time. There is a rule for handshaking
that must always be obeyed by educated, wellmannered persons. For instance, a man should
not stretch out his hand to a woman, but wait
for the woman to stretch out her hand. The
younger person should wait for the older one
to stretch out his hand.
or
type
There is a culture of salute and, at the same
time, an informal, familiar, collegial salute, or
an official, respectful salute.
The most accepted form of salutation in a
communication is: Good morning (afternoon,
evening) madam / miss / mister. During
official meetings, we have to add the function,
rank or title after the form of salutation (Good
afternoon Minister). The abbreviated forms of
salute are not suitable in official
communication (‘morning, hello); they should
be avoided even in the familiar salute.
Also, when we shake the hand we have to take
off our hat, slightly bow the head and look
towards the other’s eyes. It is always
recommended that the men should stand up
when shaking someone’s hand. The women do
not have to stand up, but it is preferably to do
so when they shake the hand of an older
person.
We have to respect the conventional manner
when we communicate using the salute: the
gentleman salutes the lady; the accompanied
lady salutes the single lady; the younger
person salutes the older person; the person
arriving in a room salutes the others already
there; the single person salutes the group; the
The expert literature presents nine types of
handshaking:
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Mircea VLADU - Considerations regarding techniques for building interpersonal relation in communication
a) Vice – although is not recommended, it is
used by individuals willing to prove they are
not as weak as they look like; we consider the
pressure should be neither weak, nor strong.
The pressure should be adjusted according to
the partner’s.
pulling, the interlocutor is brought into the
individual’s space and by invading, the salute
is produced in the interlocutor’s personal
space;
h) Dominant salute – is characteristic to
individuals who consciously or involuntarily
rotate their arm to bring the hand above the
interlocutor’s hand. They gain an advantage
because this posture induces a sentiment of
control and domination;
b) Weak hand – is characteristic to the arrogant
persons and to those who have to shake hands
with many peoples; we consider that this kind
of handshaking is not recommended because
the gesture shows lack of respect for the
interlocutor; from daily practice we found out
that very strong individuals, like Mike Tyson,
shake hands very calmly, although their deadly
punches have nothing to do with weak hand.
i) Relocation of handshaking gesture –
designates the rapid stretching of the arm in
the interlocutor’s space; this is a domination
sign. We found out, by studying the
documents that Hrusciov skilfully used this
technique at the meeting with Kennedy in
1961, and Mao Tze Dun did the same with
Nixon in 1972; the gesture made by Hrusciov
and Mao Tze Dun intimidated Kennedy and
Nixon, who became even more precautious
and reserved.
c) Firm hand – is characteristic to persons
looking for new experiences and also to
extroverted individuals; the pressure is neither
too strong, nor too weak, and the fingers are
drawn together around the interlocutor’s hand.
d) Leach hand – characterizes those who try to
hold the other’s hand as long as possible in
order to fulfil their goal for that meeting; the
“aggressed” one does not have the courage to
pull his hand back, and accepts the situation,
until the partner releases it. If the gesture lasts
too long, the person tries to find an excuse to
free his hand; the situation can also be solved
by a third person who will become the “new
victim”;
Embracing
Outside the political arena, the embracing
happens between very close persons who have
not seen each other for a long time, or when
they want to encourage or comfort each other.
We noted, after analyzing some archive
footages, that the embracing took place on the
political arena between East-Europeans
political leaders, before 1989. They even used
to kiss each other on the cheeks. It was a
standard type of salutation. After 1989, this
type of salutation has pretty much disappeared.
e) Wet hand – characterizes anxious persons;
they know very well the cause of their hands’
sweating and try to conceal it by wiping it on
clothes, or slightly arching it to reduce the
contact surface between hands. However, there
are few persons whose sweat is not generated
by anxiety, but because of a disease called
hyper-hydrous;
The specialists identified the following types
of embracing: lateral embracing – is due to
some persons’ exaggerated care of not being
misunderstood
(homosexuality,
sexual
advances etc.); frontal embracing – is adopted
by the persons who want to show their direct
affection and who are not afraid of a possible
misinterpretation of their gesture; half-moon
embracing – is adopted by those who want
their bodies to partially overlap, to avoid
discussions about sexual aspects, which are
inherent in a complete frontal embracing;
straight embracing – implies total or very
close contact between the two communication
f) Meeting-again – is specific to the individual
who grabs the interlocutor’s hand using his
both hands, or only his right hand while the
left hand is put on the interlocutor’s arm, back
or shoulder; by doing so, that person adopts a
more enthusiastic or intimate attitude;
g) Invasive salute – is specific to individuals
willing to place this gesture in the personal
space, by “pulling” or by “invading” it; by
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Sibiu Alma Mater University Journals – Series C. Social Sciences – Volume 7, no. 1 / 2014
partners; concave embracing – implies lack of
contact between the bodies of the two
communication partners, and it is adopted
especially by persons who hesitate to embrace
someone, pulling back the pelvis and
straddling out the legs; convex embracing – is
adopted by the persons who want to show their
affection for the other one, approaching the
feet and pushing the pelvis towards the other
one; tapping on the shoulder – represents a
warning sign, that is about the time to finish
the embracing; although it may looks like an
affective gesture, the specialists affirm that it
represent in fact a way of announcing the other
one to finish the embracing.
done by those persons, or by another one
present there. When a person introduces
himself, he does it directly, at the beginning of
the meeting, or after a short time. When a
person is introduced by another person, he
must say the name and something about him
(for instance, she is Maria, the greatest
volleyball player of Oltchim-Rm.Valcea
team). It is important to know that when we
introduce someone, we have to say the name
(for instance, Mircea, I want to present you
Mihai, Mihai he is Mircea). If someone does
not remember a person’s name, he can resort
to a trick, not to embarrass himself:
a)
Ask from the beginning that person’s
name, saying that he has a slip of the
tongue;
b)
Say his own name, hoping that the
interlocutor will do the same;
c)
Act as on a stage, a situation which offers
him the possibility not to say the name.
Kissing
Generally, the kiss represents a way of
salutation. There are some nations which have
strict rules regarding the kissing. As we know
the facts, the British were champions at lipskissing, while the French were scandalized by
this habit. Starting from 1660 (when the
Restoration began), the British abandoned this
gesture. In the lasts decades, they resumed this
method of salutation.
Separation
There is a certain skill of separation, which
consists of transmitting the message by:
justification – the person argues his leaving
due to a very important problem occurred,
although in reality he just wants to leave;
continuity – the separation is done using
expressions like “see you soon”, or “we will
keep in touch”; estimation – the person who
leaves first tries to protect the relation by
expressing his gratitude, for example “I spent a
wonderful time with you”, or “the evening was
great therefore I thank you”.
There are many types of kissing: kissing on the
cheek – is a social kissing used when the
interlocutor arrives and leaves; kissing on the
mouth – is generally used in a romantic or
sexual context, but in some cultures it may be
considered a ritual of kissing; kissing of the
hand – appeared before the Second World War
(men used to kiss women’s hand), and
nowadays only the older persons are still using
it; kissing on the forehead – expresses a
parental, protective, special care for someone;
kissing in the air – is a form of kissing without
touching the partner; false kissing – is specific
to those persons who prefer to be kissed rather
than to kiss, and they only touch the partner’s
cheek, without mimic the kiss; loud kissing –
is based on a perceptible noise like the
sonorous vocalize “mua”, but it is not
recommended because it slights this type of
salutation.
Conclusions
The key for an efficient personalized
communication is the fact that the
communicator and the interlocutor knows and
applies
the
techniques
for
building
interpersonal relation. The one who does not
understand that an interpersonal relation
cannot be established in a chaotic manner will
create barriers in communication, and
therefore he will extend disorder inside the
family, working place, society etc.
Name
When two persons meet for the first time, they
have to introduce to each other. This can be
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Mircea VLADU - Considerations regarding techniques for building interpersonal relation in communication
Bernanrd Dagenais, 2003, Campania de relaţii publice,
Editura Polirom, p.209;
References
Ştefan Prutianu, 2005, Antrenamentul abilităţilor de
comunicare, limbaje ascunse, Editura Polirom,
p.330;
Peter Collet, 2005, Cartea gesturilor, Editura Trei,
p.138.
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