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Porterbrook Clinic
Sheffield Care Trust
Getting the Most out of
Psychosexual Therapy
Understanding Sexual Response
Information for Users of our service
Dr Kevan Wylie
Clinical Lead
Porterbrook Clinic
75 Osborne Road
Nether Edge
Sheffield S11 9BF
Telephone: 0114 271 6671
Fax: 0114 271 8693
Email: [email protected]
www.porterbrookclinic.org.uk
Sexologists have researched human
being intoxicated by an appealing
sexuality over the last fifty years and
scent;
have come up with a number of
being kissed, hugged or caressed.
definitions of the sexual response cycle
(for example, Masters and Johnson in
Desire can also well up from emotional
1966; Kaplan in 1979; Basson in 2000).
sources, such as feeling loved, wanting
This leaflet summarises some of their
to
findings.
emotional closeness, wanting to feel
show
commitment,
needing
attractive, or to share pleasure or fun.
Sexual responses can be enjoyed for
their own sake (for example, during a
Arousal or excitement
fantasy or daydream) or may lead to
sexual activity such as self-pleasuring,
Arousal in this sense means physical
foreplay, oral sex and intercourse.
sexual excitement.
It’s what happens
when your body prepares itself for, and
Sexual response is often seen as having
responds to, sexual activity.
four different phases – desire, arousal,
climax and resolution - but in real
Men
situations, it doesn’t always work quite
like that, as we shall see.
In a man, the first sign is often an
erection.
This is produced when the
brain sends messages to release nitric
Desire
oxide from nerve endings in the penis.
This is the experience of having sexual
The chemical dilates the blood vessels,
thoughts or fantasies, or wanting to be
allowing the penis to fill with blood.
involved in sexual activity, either alone
This in turn constricts the veins that
or with a partner.
Desire is often
allow blood to leave the area, leading to
triggered by stimulation of the senses,
the enlargement and hardening of the
such as:
penis.
seeing a good-looking person;
hearing music with a sexy rhythm;
Other signs of arousal for a man may
tasting a sensual food, such as a
be:
luscious, juicy fruit;
Getting the most out of Psychosexual Therapy
flushing of the skin
breathing more heavily and
point to note for men who worry that
feeling tense and sweaty.
their penis is too small).
For men and women, arousal often
As arousal builds, the testicles swell
comes in waves, with increasing and
slightly, the scrotum tightens and drops
decreasing erections and vulval/vaginal
of liquid (pre-cum) start to seep from the
responses. This is perfectly normal – the
end of the penis.
sexual response cycle involves momentby-moment feedback between the body,
Women
the mind and the emotions, which
means the levels of arousal will wax and
Arousal in women is not so obvious, and
wane. The secret is to enjoy this, instead
some women may not be aware of the
of worrying about it!
changes that are taking place, especially
if they are not very tuned into their
It is also important for men to remember
bodies. Signs are:
that having an erection does NOT mean
flushing of the skin;
that either he or his partner is necessarily
increased genital and breast
ready for sex.
sensitivity;
phase goes on, the more likely a woman
nipples hardening;
is to be ready for penetration, and the
the clitoris (the small organ at the
more intense a man's orgasm will be
front of the vulva most similar to a
when
man’s penis) swelling and becoming
intercourse too early can often lead to
erect;
dissatisfaction, discomfort and a less
wetness or lubrication (often hidden
enjoyable experience.
he
The longer the arousal
comes.
Rushing
into
inside the vagina);
a sense of swelling, warmth or
Climax or orgasm
tingling in the vulva and vagina.
In addition, the uterus and cervix are
If arousal continues and increases, men
pulled upwards and the innermost part
and women may reach the point of
of the vagina balloons as arousal
climax or orgasm.
increases.
This means that only the
lower part is actually in contact with the
penis during intercourse (an important
Understanding Sexual Response
Usually, as the man ejaculates, he also
Men
experiences an orgasm - an intensely
For a man, seminal fluid builds up in the
pleasurable build up and release of
prostate gland until the prostate, seminal
tension, usually followed by a feeling of
vesicles and vas deferens begin to
well-being and calm.
contract and expel the seminal fluid.
physiological or psychological reasons,
This is called emission and may be felt as
ejaculate but experience no sensation of
warmth
Some men, for
intensely
orgasm. Some men have an orgasm but
pleasurable contractions involving the
do not ejaculate, or ejaculate inwardly
pelvic floor muscles, anal sphincter,
into the bladder (called ‘retrograde
rectum, perineum and genitals.
ejaculation’), resulting in cloudy urine
or
as
sharp,
Once
this has happened, the man has reached
following sexual climax.
a point of no return (or ‘ejaculatory
inevitability’)
after
which
he
will
Women
ejaculate, whatever happens. Once he
has
man
Contrary to popular belief, women do
experiences a warm rush of fluid or a
reached
this
point,
a
not ejaculate, but they will usually
shooting sensation as the semen travels
experience the same increase in tension,
through the urethra and is expelled.
followed
by
an
irresistible
and
compelling release, lasting approximately
The amount of fluid ejaculated can vary
5-15 seconds. This may be experienced
in quantity but is usually about a
as waves rushing throughout the body,
teaspoonful.
but especially in the genital area. Some
If a man has not had a
vasectomy, the fluid contains millions of
women
sperms (not visible to the naked eye),
contractions of the muscles surrounding
together with good things like sugar to
the vagina. Climax is often followed by
feed the sperm.
a feeling of well-being and tranquillity, as
If he has had a
vasectomy, he will still ejaculate seminal
will
also
be
aware
of
it is for men.
fluid, but it will not contain the sperm.
Either way, the fluid is perfectly clean and
Not all women experience orgasms, and
hygienic.
most will do so only if the sexual activity
has included caressing of the clitoris (by
their partner’s finger or tongue, their
Getting the most out of Psychosexual Therapy
own finger, a vibrator or, in a few sexual
Men in particular have a tendency to
positions, indirectly by the penis during
want to sleep at this time; although it is
thrusting). Some (but by no means all)
important he is sensitive to his partner
women can experience more than one
and considers her or his wishes, at least
orgasm (often called ‘multiple orgasm’),
some of the time.
if stimulation continues.
Women and sexual desire
Orgasm may be experienced by both
men and women as:
Often desire paves the way for arousal,
a flow of energy;
but sometimes the opposite is true.
deeply pleasurable muscular
Research suggests that it is perfectly
contractions;
normal for many women in established
an overall feeling of well-being;
relationships rarely, if ever, to experience
an intensely spiritual experience.
desire in the sense of an instinctive
Remember, however, that not all
sexual hunger - but that it is still perfectly
orgasms are earth-moving events!
possible for them to enjoy good sex lives.
Orgasms do involve the whole body, and
therefore simple things like how tired
This is because many women find that
you are and your mood, as well as how
they are able to be receptive to sexual
aroused you were feeling beforehand,
stimuli, despite starting from a position
will all have an impact on the intensity of
of sexual neutrality.
the experience. It’s important not to get
might be a desire for emotional intimacy,
hung up on this.
bonding or to make their partner feel
The motivation
good. The good news is that, for these
Resolution
women, the response cycle is still
activated, because desire kicks in at a
This is the ‘lull after the storm’, when the
later stage, after they have become
body settles down, and both partners
physiologically aroused.
often feel pleasantly relaxed and calm.
The blood flows out of the penis, which
In practice, for many women, if they
returns to its usual size and shape. For a
initiate sexual activity, or accept a sexual
woman, the feeling of fullness and
approach from their partner, even
congestion in her pelvis slowly subsides.
though they don’t feel ‘in the mood’,
Understanding Sexual Response
they will often surprise themselves by
Finally, it’s important to remember that
getting in touch with a desire to
desire and arousal do not need to lead to
continue.
climax.
It
can
therefore
be
Neither men nor women are
misunderstanding of the way their
harmed in any way by stopping at the
response cycle works that leads many
arousal phase; all that happens is that
women to think they should wait to feel
‘resolution’ phase takes longer.
sexual hunger before engaging in sexual
women, and some men, can enjoy sex
activity – and sometimes, it can mean a
without climaxing: the sexual encounter
very long wait!
may still have provided pleasure and
Many
emotional closeness for both of you.
This can give hope to those women who
perceive that there is something wrong
with them because they never seem to
“feel horny”, as it means they can still
enjoy entirely satisfactory sex lives by
being able and willing to respond to
sexual advances from their partners.
Written by ROSE WHITELEY for the Porterbrook Clinic, Sheffield
© Porterbrook Clinic 2006
Getting the most out of Psychosexual Therapy
NOTES
Understanding Sexual Response
A4
© Porterbrook Clinic 2006