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The English Corner at Richland College
Clarity and Conciseness
Ideal writing in an academic setting achieves both clarity and conciseness. In academic writing,
you need to say what you mean to say clearly and in as few words as necessary. This handout
explores some of the common mistakes students make when their writing becomes too wordy or
unclear.
Nominalization
Nominalization occurs when writers use potential verbs in their noun forms and use less
interesting verbs (the being verb, e.g. is, are, was) instead. To correct nominalization errors,
change words from their noun forms into their verb forms and make these the primary verbs in
your sentences.
Example: The cause of the team’s winning was the fantastic play of its goalkeeper.
Corrected: The team won because the goalkeeper played fantastically.
In the above example, the words winning and play act as nouns while the main verb was, a being
verb, lacks the punch that the active verb forms won and play provide in the corrected version.
Thesaurusizing
While it might be tempting to use bigger words in an academic paper, this can be a bad move. A
better move is to use words that most accurately convey what you wish to communicate.
Communicating a complex idea in words that your audience will readily understand is the most
effective move.
Example: Once one has eliminated excessive byproducts from one’s system, it is
incumbent that one engages in thorough ablutions of one’s most utilitarian extremities.
Corrected: Wash your hands after you use the bathroom.
Stacking Prepositional Phrases
Another poor habit that promotes wordiness and a lack of clarity is the use of one prepositional
phrase followed by another and another after that. When you string together numerous
prepositional phrases, your readers can easily forget the main point of the sentence before they
ever finish reading the sentence.
Example: The effect of Heisenberg’s principle of uncertainty shows the loss of
information of velocity when pinpointing the exact position of a particle.
Corrected: The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle shows that a particle’s velocity cannot
be identified when pinpointing its exact position.
In this example, changing prepositional phrases into possessives helps to shorten and clarify the
sentence.
Handout created by Topher Garay
www.richlandcollege.edu/englishcorner
Pronoun Clarity
Pronouns refer to other nouns, called antecedents, in a sentence. However, using pronouns can
become confusing when the sentence includes numerous nouns and pronouns. If a pronoun could
refer to more than one noun in a sentence, make sure that the pronoun refers back to the noun
closest to it or replace the pronoun with the noun it refers to. Another way to reduce confusion is
to reword the entire sentence to eliminate any pronoun ambiguity.
Example: Jane told Emily to give her back her cellphone.
Corrected: Jane told Emily to give back Jane’s cellphone.
Corrected: Jane said to Emily, “Give me back my cellphone.”
Expletive Constructions
Not to be confused with the other type of expletive, these constructions begin sentences and
clauses with the following forms: there is, there are, there were, it is, it was. When you use an
expletive construction, make sure the subject, which is usually the first noun after the
construction, agrees with the verb.
Example: There is three things wrong with your paper.
Corrected: There are three things wrong with your paper.
In the above example, the noun things is plural; therefore, the verb in the expletive construction
must also be the plural form, are. Additionally, revising the sentence to eliminate the expletive
construction altogether is often the best move to ensure that your paper is more concise.
Example: There are three things wrong with your paper.
More Concise: Three things are wrong with your paper.
Example: There are many sounds that terrify me in the middle of the night.
More Concise: Many sounds terrify me in the middle of the night.
Notice how in this second example the verb terrify comes right after the word that. When you
edit for conciseness, you may notice the word that following the expletive construction.
Typically, the word that comes after that will either be a verb that you can make into the main
verb of the sentence.
Exclusive Language
Since the ultimate goal of writing is to communicate ideas clearly to an audience, you should
either omit or explain in-group language such as slang, acronyms, or jargon.
Example: In addition to being a fun show with a comic-book sensibility, BTVS engages
with feminist ideology, offering a bridge between second and third wave feminism.
More Clear: In addition to being a fun show with a comic-book sensibility, Buffy the
Vampire Slayer engages with feminist ideology, offering a bridge between second and
third wave feminism.
Handout created by Topher Garay
www.richlandcollege.edu/englishcorner
In the above example, using the full title of the television show rather than an acronym helps
clarify which show the author is referring to for readers unfamiliar with the show. In a paper
where you frequently have to refer to a long title, you may use the acronym after you have
initially given the full title. In this example, another move that can further clarify your meaning
would be to define the differences between second and third wave feminism, which are forms of
jargon as well.
Unnecessary Words
Be sure to avoid repetitive words and phrases in your writing.
Example: The birthday party came as a complete and unexpected surprise.
More Concise: The birthday party came as a surprise.
In the above example, the word surprise already conveys the idea of being unexpected, so this
word is unnecessary. The word complete is also unnecessary because using the word surprise
without any modifiers such as partial or incomplete already conveys the idea of completeness.
Appropriate Voice
Be sure to only use passive voice when you intend to emphasize the receiver of action.
Inappropriate use of passive voice can make your writing wordy and unclear.
Example: The girl was abused by her babysitter every afternoon by her babysitter
locking her in a closet.
Corrected: The babysitter abused the girl every afternoon by locking the girl in the
closet.
In the above example, changing the passive voice into active voice not only shortens the sentence
but also makes the writing more clear.
Revise Your Work
Writing more clearly and concisely is a continuous process, but if you focus on clarity as you
compose your rough draft, you can give yourself writer’s block. A better approach is to not
worry as much about the quality of your writing during your initial draft but rather focus on
improving clarity and conciseness issues when you proofread and revise your work. As you read
over your rough draft, here are some steps you can take to revise your work for clarity and
conciseness:
1. Underline all actions including verbs (they won) and nominalizations (the team’s
winning).
2. Circle all prepositions and determine if the prepositions point to nominalizations that you
can change into active verbs.
3. Look for passive voice in your paper and determine if you should place emphasis on the
actor (active voice) or the one being acted upon (passive voice).
4. Place a box around expletive constructions and redundant words in order to reduce or
remove them.
Handout created by Topher Garay
www.richlandcollege.edu/englishcorner