Download From Fear to Intimacy - Sexuality Part 1 Feb

Ice Breaker
Vagina
Penis
Semen
Orgasm
Vulva
Oral Sex
Shaft
Clitoris
Breast
Testicles
Labia
Nipple
Scrotum
Pubic Hair
Sex
Head
It’s Hard to Talk About Sex
Copyright 2012 Jennifer Konzen
So how does God want us to
View and Talk about Sex?
Copyright 2012 Jennifer Konzen
“The language and imagery of sexuality are the most
graphic and most powerful that the bible uses to
describe the relationship between God and his
people – both positively (when we are faithful)
and negatively (when we are not).”
Piper and Taylor, Sex and the Supremacy of Christ
Spiritual View of Sex
Sexuality is designed by God as a way to know
God more fully
 God and the Nation of Israel
• Ez 16:4-10, 13-16, 32-33, 33-37, 59-60, 62-63
• Ez 23 – Faithless Israel
• God’s description of his relationship with us (live, flourish,
married, “you are mine”)
 Sexuality as a language between us and God
 God Uses the Physical to explain the Spiritual.
 God Uses the Sexual to explain the Spiritual.
 God Uses the Spiritual to explain the Sexual
 The Bible: A Book on Marriage: Jesus and the church
– the husband and wife
“Know” God
Greek (Epiginosko):
 Matt 1:25 – Joseph “did not know her (Mary) till she brought forth her son.”
– Gr. Ginosko
 John 10:15 – “as the Father knows Me, and I know the Father” – Gr. Ginosko
 John 17:3 – “This is eternal life, that you may know God.” Knowing God is the
definition of eternal life.
Hebrew (Yada):
 Gen 4:1 – “Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain” –
Heb. yada
 Jer 31:34 – “No longer will they teach their neighbor, or say to one another,
‘Know the LORD,’ because they will all know me, from the least of them to
the greatest,” declares the LORD.” – Heb. yada
Knowing God
 Knowing God guards and guides our sexuality
• Rom 1:23-24, 28 – they didn’t retain the knowledge of
God which led to a disordering of their sexual life
• 1 Thes 4:3-5 – the heathen who did not know God gave
their bodies to to sexual immorality
• Knowing God
• Brings the powerful passion of the body under the sway
of truth
• All misuse of sexuality distorts the knowledge of God
(2 Pet 1:3-4)
• Staggered by the Supremacy of Christ vs. Banal
entertainment
Stewardship
 1 Cor 7:3-5 – marital duty
 Delegated or Conferred Power/Stewardship: who delegated or
conferred this authority onto the spouse?
 Eksousía: refers to the authority God gives to His saints
 Medical ethics: for the good of the patient; to the glory of God
 1 Cor 7:3-4 – concerned with pleasing your husband
 Gen 24:67 – comforted
 We are made stewards of our spouse’s body, and are called to
return them to God in better condition than when we received
them.
Injuries from the Past
 Your own painful memories – setting your mind on
what God has done and how he heals
 Is 61 - He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives and release
from darkness for the prisoners
 Instead of your shame you will receive a double
portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in
your inheritance.
To those for whom sexual experience has resulted in
unholy pain Christ says, “I understand well your
experience. I hear the cry of the needy, afflicted, and
broken. Come to me. I am your refuge. I am safe. I will
remake what is broken. I will give you reason to trust, and
then to love. I will remake your joy.”
(Ps 10, 147, Jer 33, Amos 9)
Challenges
• Personal Background
• Sin in the Marriage
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The Wider War: Non-sexual sins cluttering the bedroom
Relational patterns
Fantasy partners
Satan making sexual immorality look good (movies;
soft porn i.e., sexual novels)
– Titanic, Pretty Woman, Bond movies, Game of Thrones
– Workplace
– Sexual Sin
Challenges, cont.
• Embarrassment
• Your spouse is in sin
• Physical
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Time
Body
Health, Menopause, Medications
Disorders
• Societies view of sex; Culture
• Differences in Arousal
• Your husband is a clod
How men Ruin Romance…..
Warning
Copyright 2012 Jennifer Konzen
Disorders
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Genital and Pelvic Pain; Penetration Pain
Vestibulodynia
Sexual Desire and Arousal Disorder
Premature Ejaculation
Delayed Ejaculation
Erectile Disorder
Orgasmic Disorder
Myths:
Typical length of time to ejaculation
Desire
Pleasure without orgasm
Male Hypoactive Sexual Desire
Disorder (MHSDD)
Premature Ejaculation
ED
Copyright 2012 Jennifer Konzen
Desire and Arousal Disorder
Copyright 2012 Jennifer Konzen
Female Orgasmic Disorder
Copyright 2012 Jennifer Konzen
Vaginal Pain
Copyright 2012 Jennifer Konzen
Vestibulodynia: Vaginal Pain
Copyright 2012 Jennifer Konzen
Dryness and Lost Elasticity
of Vaginal Tissues
Copyright 2012 Jennifer Konzen
Sexual Functioning
Copyright 2012 Jennifer Konzen
101
WHAT TURNS YOUR SPOUSE ON?
Sexual Differences in Arousal
For Men and Women
Anatomy Lesson 101
http://www.3dvulva.com/
Anatomy Lesson 102
Female Arousal
 Master’s and Johnson model of sexual response:
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Excitement
Plateau
Orgasm
Resolution
 Women’s desire is often RESPONSIVE
 Vaginal Orgasm, Clitoral Orgasm, Multiple Orgasms
Female Erectile Tissue
 Shaft
 Vestibular bulbs
 Therefore, indirect arousal to the clitoris by caressing
labia
 Perineum
 Urethral sponge (G-spot)
 Indirect pleasuring to the Clitoris
Female Arousal
 Master’s and Johnson model of sexual response:
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


Excitement
Plateau
Orgasm
Resolution
 Women’s desire is often RESPONSIVE
 Vaginal Orgasm, Clitoral Orgasm, Multiple Orgasms
 AXE Anarchy video
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0avReuIACcs
Copyright 2012 Jennifer Konzen
Basson’s Model
Willingness to be
receptive
Sexual stimuli
with appropriate
context
Psychological
and biological
processing
MOTIVATION
Multiple reasons and
incentives for
instigating or agreeing
to sex
Sexual satisfaction
with or without
Orgasm(s)
Nonsexual rewards: emotional
intimacy, well-being, lack of
negative effects from sexual avoidance
Subjective
Arousal
Arousal and
RESPONSIVE
SEXUAL DESIRE
Anatomy Lesson 103
Male Arousal
 Blend of physical friction in erogenous zones and
mental (visual) and emotional arousal
 Desire, excitement, plateau, orgasm, resolution
 Arousal is reflexive – it is an automatic,
physiological reaction to arousal
 Direct and immediate touch
Male Arousal, cont.
 Difficulties: fatigue, alcohol, anger, medications,
anxiety, chronic illness
 Performance Anxiety
 For older men - more direct, longer, firmer
stimulation needed to produce and sustain erection.
Willingness to adjust key factor.
Copyright 2012 Jennifer Konzen
Viagra
 Viagra Commercial
Age and Menopause
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Menopause
 Hormones (progesterone, estrogen, testosterone), vasomotor
symptoms (hot flashes/night sweats), dry tissues (loss of estrogen)
and loss of elasticity
 HRT and research; positive self-concept and experience best predictor
 Rancho Bernardo study
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Testosterone
 Change in Libido; motivation
 Impact on image/sexual self-esteem
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Medications
 Impact on Sexual desire, erection
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Illness
 Fatigue, pain, surgery, change in desire
Sexual Response Cycle
 Excitement: The Brain = the Largest Sex Organ
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Muscle Tension
Heart rate quickens, breathing accelerated
Skin becomes flushed
Nipples become hardened and erect
Blood flow to the genitals increases, resulting in engorged
clitoris and labia or penis
 Vaginal lubrication begins
 Breasts become fuller, testicles swell and scrotum
tightens
Sexual Response Cycle,
cont.
 Plateau
 Changes intensify (breathing rate, heart rate, blood
pressure)
 Vagina swells and turns purple
 Clitoris becomes highly sensitive to touch and retracts
under the clitoral hood
 Men’s testicles withdraw into the scrotum
 Muscle spasms in face, feet, hands
Sexual Response Cycle,
cont.
 Orgasm
 Involuntary muscle contractions begin
 Blood pressure, heart rate, breathing at highest; rapid
intake of oxygen
 Muscle spasms
 Sudden forceful release of sexual tension
 For women, muscles of vagina contract, uterus
rhythmically contracts; For men, contracts at the base
of the penis result in ejaculation
 Sex flush
Sexual Response Cycle,
cont.
 Resolution
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Sense of well being
Body response returns to normal
Male refractory period
Women – multiple orgasms
Thanksgiving Feast – cuddling/caressing after
 Holding each other
 Complimenting each other
 Intimate Connection
God’s View of
our Sex Lives
 “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife
of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her
breasts fill you at all times with delight; be
intoxicated always in her love” (Prov 5:18-19)
 “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For
your love is better than wine…. The king has
brought me into his chambers.” (SS 1:2)
So…… How do we get there?
Copyright 2012 Jennifer Konzen
Mutually Fulfilling Sexual Activity