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Effective
Parent Communication:
Exploring basic concepts of
effective communication aimed at
enhancing the parent-child
relationship
The family is the first school in
emotional efficiency…
- Dr Rina De Klerk; Dr R Le Roux
emotional intelligence: a practical guide for teachers and parents
a healthy family ethos is thus
deeply embedded in learning to
recognise the value of emotions
by showing empathy and
listening carefully…
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Why Is Effective Communication
Important?

We love our children & want them to grow up happy
healthy & responsible
 Our children love us & want our guidance, approval
& support
 How, what & when we communicate helps determine
how our children will communicate with others
 Children learn values from our words, our tones, our
postures – through these we send messages to our
children about our own beliefs & values
 Our children need sound communication skills in
order to problem-solve in a positive, healthy &
affirming manner
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Healthy parent-child
communication is
pivotal to the
development of a
positive sense of
self…
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4 Critical Developmental
Frequencies…

Competency: developing skills, abilities &
strengths to function independently…
 Normality: learning to feel comfortable & at ease
with his/her body, thoughts & feelings…

Self-extension: learning to contribute to family &
society, developing values such as responsibility,
respect (boundaries) & honesty; developing skills of
intimacy for healthy relationships…
 Self-worth: learning to trust & be trust-worthy;
learning to communicate needs, feelings & desires
appropriately; learning to listen to, value &
understand the needs of others…
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Am I
competent?
What do I do
well?
Am I loving?
Am I capable
of loving
others?
Am I normal?
Am I like
everyone
else?
Am I lovable?
Am I loved by
others?
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Road-Blocks
Building-Blocks
VS.

Judging

 Rejecting

 Blaming/Criticizing

 Labeling

 Transferring

 Ordering

 Threatening/Bribing

 Waffling

 Nagging

 Acting
SOA_Psychology Dept_2006
Listening
Praising
Feeling
Respecting
Trusting
Affirming
Reflecting
Clarifying
Acting
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ACTIVE LISTENING
5.
SUMMARISING
1. ENCOURAGING
4. REFLECTING
2. FACT
FINDING
3. RESTATING
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First seek to understand
and then
seek to be understood…
- Anonymous
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The Parent as
“Emotional Coach”
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
Become aware of your child’s emotions. Listen empathically,
validate feelings. (Want to tell me about it?)
Recognize the emotion as an opportunity for intimacy &
teach new skills, accept their feelings as feelings. (Don’t say,
“ Of course you don’t hate your teacher! What a terrible thing
to say!)
Help your child find words to label the emotion he/she is
experiencing. (Tell me the name of the feeling)
Help your child to talk about & test their perceptions. (Why
do you think he doesn’t like you?)
Encourage your child not to act on initial feelings, but to
allow time to think through the larger picture. (Write down
what you want to say, but hang onto to it & see how you feel
about it in the morning, parking-lot technique)
Set limits to solve the problem at hand – not all behaviour is
acceptable. (Time-out, blowing-off, journal-entry etc)
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Emotional Coaching Strategies…
Avoid criticism/
humiliation
Patience is a
virtue
Praise, praise
& praise some
more
All feelings are
permissible, not
all behaviour
Enable behaviour
through choice
Focus on solutions
but
don’t impose them
Use the word ‘feel’
more & more
SOA_Psychology Dept_2006
Invite your child
to talk
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Always Remember…
Your power base is the emotional
bond you share with your child…
Talk, listen, encourage intimacy, don’t
forget to dream, be patient,
mind the post-box
and sometimes… just hug!
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