Download Chapter 3 Hormones and Sexuality

Addendum to Chapter 13
Talking With Your Partner About Sexual
Differences and Problems
Why is it difficult to talk about sex?
How many apply to you?
 Intercourse means “communication”
 Most people have talked about sex with their samesex friends but not their partners
 Women do more self-disclose than men, but not by
much
 All people need to express emotions and be able to
communicate them
 Gender differences in communication styles
 Power differences affect communication
How can my partner and I get used to
talking about sex?
Discuss why it is
difficult to talk
about sex
Discuss sexual
topics that come
up in the news
Start with general
sexual topics
before moving
toward talking
about your sexual
differences
What if I am uncomfortable with the
language of sex?
What words should I use?
When (and where) should I try to talk
to my partner?
Try:
Emotionally neutral time vs. during or right after
sex
Sexually neutral place vs. place where sex
usually happens
How should I approach my partner with
concerns about our sexual
relationship?
•
Accentuate positive rather than negative
•
Make use of positive reinforcement to
encourage enjoyed behaviors
Personal Reflections
Suppose that you are unsure of your partner’s
sexual desires and preferences, and you are
unsure whether he or she is totally aware of
yours.
How might you communicate with one another?
Suppose your desires and preferences are not
exactly the same?
What if I think that my partner is to
blame?
Can I ever complain?
How should I express my needs and
desires?
Use “I Language”
Be as specific as possible
How can I find out about my partner’s
desires and needs?
Is listening important? If so, how can I
become a better listener?
Show attentiveness with
body language
Use comments or
paraphrase
Try massage
Personal Reflections
Suppose you are in a long-term monogamous
relationship that includes sexual relations.
Your partner often does not take as much
time during foreplay as you would like and
does not spend much time holding and
touching you afterwards.
This often leaves you feeling frustrated.
How would you go about correcting this
situation? Be as specific as possible.
Is it possible to communicate
nonverbally?
What do you think?
Dealing with Anger and Conflict
How would you complete the sentence?
One of best predictors of long-term
success in a relationship is manner in
which couples ________.
Dealing with Anger and Conflict
Three common patterns:
Mutual
constructive
communication
Avoidance of
communication
Demand/
withdraw
When a partner bleeds…
Flesh wounds vs. emotional wounds
Best predictor of whether a relationship will
survive is the ratio of 5 positive interactions
for every 1 negative interaction!
Why do you think this works?
Personal Reflections
What communication style do you use when
you are angry with your partner?
Is it the best style for clearly conveying your
emotions to your partner?
What if we cannot agree?
It is often
helpful to
agree to
disagree
Good
communication
leads to
understanding
People have
differences of
opinion and
different
preferences