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Mercedes Riggs
[email protected]
Interpersonal Theme Paper
No matter where you are or what you’re doing, communication will always be one of the
most important things humans must use effectively. It is absolutely essential for people to
communicate well at work, school, or in personal relationships in order to get the job done and
maintain a good status between friends or co-workers. Although many people affiliate
communication as the way we say things verbally, words are not the only factor that plays into
communication. In fact, according to a recent study, only 7 percent of communication comes
from the actual words we use—only 7 percent. Thirty-Eight percent comes from the tonality we
use or the tone of voice. And the other 55 percent comes from our nonverbal communication or
body language. So even by not saying something you are still communicating some sort of
message by your body language.
Unfortunately, too many people in this world have problems with their communication
skills whether they know it or not. And then there are the times where it won’t necessarily be the
actual communication skills per se, but rather the message being received gets misinterpreted or
misunderstood. There are many factors that play a role in having good communication with those
around you, but I will just touch up on a few that I feel are very important and ones that I could
personally work on to improve my own communication skills. First, what the advantages of faceto-face communication over written words are. Second, the value of nonverbal communication
and the important role that it takes. Third, how much nonverbal communication is actually
culturally bound. Lastly, the differences between mindful listening and mindless listening.
Hopefully, I can broaden your view of each of these topics and help you understand their
importance in communicating well by applying them to my own life and showing in what ways I
can improve.
First, what the advantages of face-to-face communication over written words are. In the
Communications 1010 textbook, Communicating at Work: Principles and Practices for Business
and the Professions, we learn that the channel in which we choose to use to communicate to
others has a major impact on the result of how well a message was communicated. We can either
convey a message orally or by using written words. One way might work better than the other in
certain situations. “Sometimes a written message succeeds where an oral one fails; at other times,
talking to the recipient will produce results that the printed word can’t match” (Adler—Elmhorst,
pg. 23). There are many advantages and disadvantages of using face-to-face communication vs.
written communication depending upon your circumstance and the message that needs to be
given. However, the following are the advantages of face-to-face communication and why it is
known to be one of the best ways to communicate to those you associate with.
There are three apparent reasons why face-to-face communication can be very effective:
richness, speed, and control. “Richness refers to the number of channels available” (Adler—
Elmhorst, pg. 23). For example: the facial expressions given, tone of voice, eye contact, and
body movement; nonverbal cues in which you wouldn’t not be able to experience over a written
message. Speed raises the idea that you can get an almost immediate response if you are talking
to someone face-to-face; there are no time laps between when you give the message and when
you receive the answer. Where in a written message, the recipient can take days to even read the
email or letter and take even more days to finally sit down and write the response. If you need an
immediate answer to something, like the amount of money in an business account to be released
right now, then the best way to get what you need is to ask find this out in person. Control: when
you have personal contact with someone you have much more command over that person’s
attention than if you had written a letter to him. For example: “You might spend hours drafting a
memo, letter, or report only to have the recipient scan it superficially or not read it at all”
(Alder—Elmhorst, pg. 23). If you need instantaneous feedback, then face-to-face communication
is the way to go. Also, if the message is you can quickly rephrase yourself, elaborate more, and
answer any questions.
On various occasions, I have, indeed, chosen the wrong channel to convey a message.
One experience in particular is when I sent a text message to one of my friends about a
something serious I was going through. I pretty much said everything that was bad going on in
my life and how it was making me feel at the time. This person’s response was laughter, because
this person thought I was kidding and that it wasn’t that big of a deal. If I would have talked
about these things face-to-face, this person would have received all of those nonverbal cues.
Realizing that this was a very serious matter and would not have responded the way they did.
This is not always the case, as I said earlier. Although face-to-face communication can be very
effective in most circumstances, it does sometimes have its disadvantages and may not be the
best approach in certain situations.
Second: the value of nonverbal communication and the important role that it takes. Even
if you are not intending to send a nonverbal message you still are sending one. Everything you
do conveys a meaning: every facial expressions, every movement; your appearance. In the
Communications 1010 textbook gives an outstanding example of this: “You can demonstrate this
fact by imagining that your boss has ‘called you on the carpet,’ claiming that you haven’t been
working hard enough…Nodding gravely would be a response; so would blushing, avoiding or
making direct eye contact, or shaking your head affirmatively or negatively” (Adler—Elmhorst,
pg. 103). It later goes on to say that even though you cannot use our “linguistic channels” of
communication, you cannot turn off the nonverbal communication that comes naturally.
Another important key point to nonverbal communication is to remember that it can
sometimes be very ambiguous or unclear. This is where misunderstandings come in. Most of the
nonverbal messages in this world today can have multiple meanings. We don’t always know
what a certain action might mean when someone is talking or when someone is listening to the
message you are trying to give them. We need to make sure we do not assume that we can decide
what a certain nonverbal behavior means in any given circumstance. An example from my own
life is when I had made a ridiculously stupid joke in front of some people I didn’t know very
well; they all laughed. I thought they were laughing at the joke I had made, but come to find out
later they were actually making fun of me and my fatal attempt to be humorous. I thought I knew
what that nonverbal action meant when they started to laugh, but it ended up being the exact
opposite.
Third, how much nonverbal communication is actually culturally bound. Most types of
nonverbal behavior can assumingly be universal. There are, however, many nonverbal behaviors
that can vary depending on the culture that you are in. The reason why it is important to know
the differences in meaning when it comes to nonverbal behaviors is because you do not want to
do something that can portray a message you are not trying to portray. For an example in my
own life: I have a friend who is from England. I was talking to her the other day and found out
that I had been “flipping her off” this entire time. You see, turns out doing the “peace sign” with
the back of the hand facing away from you is actually another way to flip someone off. She said
that she just thought everyone in America was going around flipping each other off like it was no
big deal. It was quite comical. This is just a silly example of this, but there are also very serious
situations out there where it’s essential you know the culture differences when it comes to
nonverbal behavior especially when working with international communication in business.
Lastly: the differences between mindful listening and mindless listening. Mindless
listening “occurs when we react to others’ messages automatically and routinely, without much
mental investment” (Adler—Elmhost, pg. 81). I have been guilty of this myself on multiple
occasions. This is when your mind is somewhere else whether that is thinking about what you
need to get done next, what you’re going to say in response to that person, or my personal
favorite, when you are texting someone on your cellphone and pretending to listen to what
someone is telling you. That is definitely one of my pet peeves: when you’re talking to someone
and them on their phones texting. This has happened to me multiple times throughout my
lifetime and I’m sure it will never cease. Mindful listening “involves giving careful and
thoughtful attention and responses to the messages we receive” (Adler—Elmhost, pg. 81).
Another way to put this is when you are listening to understand. Ways we can avoid mindless
listening and acquire mindful listening is to talk and interrupt less. Sometimes the best way to
listen to someone is to “stay out of the way and encourage the other person to talk” (Adler—
Elmhorst, pg. 81). In some ways, silence can be even more effective than talking. We should also
ask questions to learn more about the message being given, but not just any question; sincere
questions that show you are actually interested in what is being said. One last good thing we
could all do to improve our listening skills is to paraphrase what the speaker has stated. This is a
good way to show that you were interested in their message and that you correctly understood
everything that was said.