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COMMUNICATION
The three most important words
for a successful relationship are:
communication, communication,
and communication.
- Anonymous
Once a human being has arrived on this
earth, communication is the largest single
factor determining what kinds of relationships
she or he makes with others and what
happens to each in the world. How we
manage survival, how we develop intimacy,
how productive we are, how we make sense,
how we connect with out own divinity – all
depend largely on our communication skills.
--Virginia Satir
Communication Defined:
“A process by which messages of meaning are shared by
senders and receivers. Communication takes place at multiple
levels: interpersonally, in groups and via mass media .”
“Communication is any form of human expression –
written, verbal, or even body language” (Davis, 1994).
“Communication is the transference and
understanding of meaning” (Robbins, 1980).
Conversational Styles
Regional
 Gender
 Dominant, interruptive, manipulative,
polite, creative, sarcastic, passive
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Metamessages
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Meaning of the message is clear to the
speaker, but masked by vernacular and style.
Underlying intent of communication is
masked by indirectness.
Verbal communication
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Verbal language is a series of expressive
thoughts and perceptions described through
word symbols.
Linguistic experts divide verbal
communication into two components:
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encoding
decoding
Verbal communication
Encoding is the process wherein a
speaker attempts to frame thoughts and
perceptions into words (e.g., someone
saying to the person next to her, “Boy,
it’s stuffy in here”).
Verbal communication
Decoding is the process wherein the message is
translated, dissected, analyzed, and interpreted by
the listener (e.g., the person hearing this thinks,
“Yeah, the room does smell rather gamey”).
During the encoding and decoding process, some
thoughts can get lost in translation.
Misunderstanding, confusion, and stress can arise
anywhere in this process.
The Communication Process
• Communications: managing the relationship over time
– Communications flow in both directions
– The fields of experience need to overlap to ensure that meanings
attached to the symbols used to communicate are similar
– Senders need to
know and
understand who they
want to reach
– Need feedback
channels to be able
to assess
effectiveness of the
message sent
Figure 15.2
“The first step in good
communication is to stop
assuming that the other person
understands what you are saying,
because you understand.”
Bryson,
1991
Interpersonal communication

Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
Be direct.

Sapir-Whorf hypothesis
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Suggests that perception of reality is largely
based on the depth (or limits) of vocabulary.
Nonverbal communication
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Nonverbal communication is described as
any communication that does not
involve words. It may include:
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postures,
facial expressions,
touch, and
even style of clothing.
Nonverbal communication
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Nonverbal communication differs from verbal
communication in that it is multichanneled addressing all senses –not merely stimuli
received through the sense of hearing.
Nonverbal communication is not only
indirect, but often unconscious.
Nonverbal physical styles
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Touch
Emblems and Illustrators
Affect displays
Regulators
Adaptors
Paralanguage
Listening, attending, and
responding skills
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Hearing is the reception of auditory
sensations.
Listening is the understanding of these
auditory sensations.
Primary reason for NOT listening

Busy preparing next statement after only hearing
the first part of a response.
Listening, attending, and
responding skills
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assume the role of listener
maintain eye contact
avoid word prejudice
use “minimal encouragers”
paraphrase what was said to ensure
understanding
Listening, attending, and
responding skills
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ask questions to improve clarity of
statements
use empathy to reflect and share feelings
provide feedback
summarize the content of what was said
Points to remember about
communication
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Some of the most effective
communication efforts are also the
simplest
Body language is a powerful form of
communication
The absence of communication can
be a form of communication
Know your audience before you
communicate a message
Points to remember about
communication (continued)

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People tend to accept facts,
information and opinions from those
whom they have confidence in and
in whom they trust
Timing is an essential component of
effective communication
Feedback is vital to good
communication
of a person’s day is
spent listening
 45%

30% of a person’s day is spent talking

16% of a person’s day is spent reading

9% of a person’s day is spent writing
Suggestions to Increase Your
Listening Capability
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Listen without making value judgments.
(e.g. sender expressing views on
abortion, legalization of drugs)
Allow sender to fully express his or her
point of view
Make eye contact and make facial
expressions
Expect to learn something
Suggestions to Increase Your
Listening Capability (continued)
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Listen without trying to second guess the
sender
Use feedback to restate the sender’s
meaning as you understand it…’sensitive
listening’
Listen and use idle brain time to
understand what is being stated
Steps to enhance
communication skills
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speak with precision and directness
enhance your vocabulary
use appropriate language
attack issues, not people
avoid making people defensive
Steps to enhance
communication skills
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talk to people yourself, not through others
avoid information overload
validate your assumptions
resolve problems when they arise
Communication is all
about establishing
good relationships!
Communicating Effectively
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Be aware
Be congruent
Value straight talk
Be personal
Listen for what is not being said
Be an active listener
Be a sensitive listener
Deception

Typology
 Self-centered lies
 Designed
to maintain a positive
impression or get our way

Other-oriented lies
 Motivated
by a concern to maintain
pleasant interactions or enhance social
relationships
Cues associated with lying
and deception
Cues associated with lying
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Lack of spontaneity
Negative verbal statements
Less smiling
Dilation of pupils
Hesitation in speech
Self-touching
Body movement
Blinking
High vocal pitch
Cues interpreted by others as
indicating deception
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Less sustained eye contact
Less smiling
More postural shifts
Longer response times
Slower rate of speech
More speech errors
More speech hesitations
Higher pitch
Unusual nonverbal
behaviors
Skill at lying
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Socially skilled better
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Men better than women
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Easier to manipulate facial cues than bodily
cues
Communication Styles
Between Genders
“Men may be from Mars and women may be
from Venus, but right now both sexes are
living on earth so we better learn to speak the
same language.”
-Lily Tomlin
Communication Mishaps:
Ignoring the feedback loop
 Ignoring selective perception
 Overestimating or underestimating
the capabilities of your audience
 Making assumptions of audience
interest
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