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JCU Celebrating Research
Writing Research Workshop
13 September 2011
Endeavour Room, JCU Halls of Residence
[Slide 1] It is my great pleasure to welcome you all here for today’s Writing
Research workshop. My aim is to assist, in particular, early career researchers
with some of the challenges of writing for publication. Just after lunch we
will be joined briefly by Dr Soheil Ahmed who would like to gauge interest in
a two-week intensive writing for publication session. This is quite a big
commitment, and Soheil will be attempting to find out when those who are
interested may be in a position to undertake this workshop. The idea will be
to produce publishable papers by the end of the process.
For now, though, I would like to provide some generic guidance on academic
writing. Writing is a great adventure but it presents obstacles as well. We
don’t have a lot of time today, so I will attempt to direct our attention to the
most fundamental issues. I will provide a range of information on the topics
listed in the schedule, and will also be asking you to do some exercises, both
individually and in small groups. We will begin with the basic elements of
writing, including grammar and punctuation, and will work our way from
there through editing, critical thinking and structuring. Hopefully by the end
you will have gained or honed some foundational academic writing skills.
[Slide 2] I would like to begin with a quote from the American writer Gloria
Steinem: “I do not like to write - I like to have written.” The writing
process, even for people who do it for a living, can seem arduous. Even that
great and prolific writer George Orwell described writing as “a horrible,
exhausting struggle, like a long bout of some painful illness.” Certainly the
blank page or blank screen can provoke anxiety. Strategies and basic skills do
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help you get over these empty moments. Overcoming them and becoming
confident writers is crucial to work as researchers.
[Slide 3] Bad writing can and does slow down or prevent the publication of
good research. Researchers can gather excellent data but unless that it can be
turned into good (or at least serviceable) writing, its importance can be lost.
[Slide 4] But as Charles Darwin said, “a naturalist’s life would be a happy
one if he only had to observe and never to write.” Writing does not
necessarily come easily to someone who was drawn to their field for quite
different reasons. So much of the research apprenticeship that is the PhD
process is committed to designing experiments and gathering and analysing
data to find out facts about the topics that most capture your interest, but not
enough to expressing the outcomes of that data. My observations suggest that
the “write-up:” is often left to the end of the process, whereupon the hapless
scholar races against the clock to carry out the unnatural process of writing a
whole book with few of the skills or aptitudes that authors of books normally
possess. Upon completion of the PhD, regular publication becomes essential
for all who choose the academic path, even though the production of the PhD
did not necessarily impart foundational writing skills. Some principles will
help to cut a path through this.
[Slide 5] My guiding principle in teaching academic writing is always the
need for clarity. This principle has a number of consequences. First and most
importantly, clarity relies upon a robust – indeed, ingrained – understanding of
the rules and conventions of good English expression. Ideally academic
writers do need to know the basics of traditional grammar. If you know how
to write a clear, grammatical and well-punctuated sentence, chances are you
can transmit your original thinking to the audience without confusion. Every
single sentence you write carries the possibility both of clear communication
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and of serious misunderstanding. There is no let-up in a piece of writing.
Therefore I advocate not only strong writing skills but strong editing skills as
well. Editing in essence is holding each word, phrase, clause, sentence and
paragraph to the flame. Each of these elements must, individually and
collectively, pass the test of clarity.
[Slide 6] Another consequence of the iron rule of clarity is that you have to be
exactly clear in your head what you want to say, and the best way to ensure
this inner understanding is to begin writing earlier rather than later in the
process. The reason for this is simply that writing is part of thinking. Drafting
and redrafting deepens understanding. Clarity comes from moving words
around both in your head and on the page. [Slide 7] Yet another consequence
of adopting clarity as a guiding principle is that you have to question lazy but
pervasive habits, such as overuse of jargon and hackneyed expressions, in
your work. Nothing wakes a reader up faster than encountering fresh
expression. New ideas demand fresh writing, and fresh writing aids clarity.
[Slide 8] Here are a few real examples of sentences from academic papers.
These sentences are ungrammatical and therefore fail the most basic tests of
academic clarity. You will see that they are also quite ridiculous:
“A large mass of literature has accumulated on the cell walls of
staphylococci.”
“The resulting disease has been described in detail in salmon.”
“This book includes discussion of shock and renal failure in separate
chapters.”
“[Professor Colin Woolf] presented evidence that women who smoke are
likely to have pulmonary abnormalities and impaired lung function at the
annual meeting of the American Lung Association.”
(Examples from Robert A Day, How to Write and Publish a Scientific Paper, fifth edition, Oryx Press, Westport, 1998,
p. 203.)
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I am going to ask you a bit later to correct these sentences, among other things.
Before considering how to ensure that you don’t commit such solecisms in
your own work, I want to instil a primary principle: the reader-centred
approach. [Slide 9] To write a good paper, you need to think about what the
reader needs to know. The readers will be the editorial staff of the journal
plus the peer reviewers, and ultimately the journal’s audience. You must
detach yourself from your work and empathise with the all of these readers –
indeed, I think it helps to imagine one individual and write for that person. It
is your job as the writer to make the meaning clear. It is not the reader’s job to
interpret the meaning. Making people do work that they weren’t expecting to
have to do will not endear you to them. All writing, whether academic or
otherwise, must consider the reader as the most important person in this
communication transaction. Keep in mind the quote from the great English
dictionary writer Samuel Johnson: “What is written without effort is in
general read without pleasure.” Take pains with your writing.
What academic readers want [slide 10]
 A clear summary at the beginning (the abstract)
 An introduction and conclusion to match
 Clear definitions of terms
 Clearly presented evidence and reasoning
 Concise writing
 Concrete, not abstract, writing
 No jargon, circumlocution, tautology or clichés
 Good use of English: grammar, spelling, punctuation and style
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[Slide 11] I would now like to show you some principles of grammar and
punctuation. I will not linger too long, but as I have mentioned, good English
usage is essential for good research writing. Skilful writing is grammatical
writing, but you can’t be fully in control of your writing without
understanding the basic logic and technicalities of language.
[Slide 12] Traditional grammar identifies eight parts of speech: noun,
adjective, verb, adverb, preposition, pronoun, conjunction and interjection
[like hmmm, oh]; together with their equivalents: adjectival phrase, adverbial
clause, etc. Each of these parts has a conceptually different role to play, even
if some individual words can move between roles. There is some flow
between the content words – essentially some nouns can become verbs and
vice versa, adjectives can morph into adverbs, nouns are used as adjectives
and so on. Even when the words cross over to new roles, they must still
behave in the accepted ways for nouns, verbs and so on to behave.
[Slide 13] Traditional grammar also specifies two “numbers”: singular and
plural; five “cases”: of which the most important for our purposes are subject
(nominative), object (accusative) and possessive (genitive); three “persons”:
first, second and third; two “voices”: active and passive; and either four or
five “moods” (depending on how you define them): indicative (or declarative),
subjunctive (or optative), imperative, interrogative and infinitive. In academic
writing the most useful mood is the indicative or declarative sentence – the
sentence that sets out factual information, so that will be the main focus.
[Slide 14] English verbs have 15 “tenses”. The large number of available
verbal tenses is important in ensuring that nuanced action can be reported in
sentences. It is enough for our purposes today to understand the basics of past,
present and future.
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[Slide 15] All the cases relate to nouns and their relative position in a sentence.
When a noun is in the nominative case it is the subject of the sentence. This is
also known as the grammatical topic of the sentence. Knowing this is helpful
in constructing informative sentences, because placing the grammatical
subject at the start of a sentence ensures the most efficient delivery system for
written information in English. Sentences exist to show the interrelationship
of nouns, what those nouns do and what happens to those nouns. Highlighting
the dominant noun in the sentence by placing it first helps in this process.
This is one of the reasons why your sentences should begin with strong key
words and not strings of dead words. If you rejig a sentence to place the
subject up front, sometimes you can eliminate half the comprehension
problems in an instant.
[Slide 16] Nouns have an associate that can carry some of their workload pronouns. These are words such as “I”, “we”, “it”, “him”, “her”, “their”,
“this” and many others. They are useful for making the language flow more
smoothly. When you use a pronoun, the noun to which it refers is known as
its antecedent. [Slide 17] Problems arise when pronouns float around without
an obvious antecedent, which is why – particularly in academic writing – it
may be unwise to use them to start a sentence. A floating pronoun can cause
real problems for the reader, who may either have to do extra work to figure
out the pronoun antecedent, or may make an incorrect judgement on the
antecedent. Consider this example:
The rise in the dollar has been marked by reduced exports in the
cattle industry. This has worried some economists.
Does this say that the rise in the dollar or the reduced exports have worried
economists? As writer or editor, you must not hand important decisions like
this over to the possibly distracted reader.
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[Slide 18] Continuing now with the parts of speech we come to the verb.
Whereas the concept of “case” relates to nouns, the concept of “tense” relates
to verbs. It is through the verb, specifically through a particular kind called a
finite verb, that you know whether the action is taking place in the past,
present or future. Sentences can only be animated by finite verbs. No English
sentence, at least in three of the four moods, can properly exist without at least
one noun and one verb, in direct relationship to each other.
[Slide 19] Simple finite verbs may be in the past, present or future tense. For
example, consider:
•
wrote [past]
•
writes [present]
•
will write [future]
Verbs take different forms depending on their function in the sentence and the
subtleties of meaning they are supposed to convey. That is why there are so
many tenses, including some less familiar ones:
•
he had written (past perfect)
•
he is writing (present continuous)
•
he will be writing (future continuous)
[Slide 20] One of the most common self-editing tasks you will face will be
making the tenses of a piece of writing consistent. Changing tenses randomly
through a piece of writing is annoying for the reader and may be outright
confusing. Sometimes tenses can change several times within one sentence.
This is where you must be strict and have a firm of idea of what the dominant
tense in the piece of writing should be. Some academic papers are all in the
past tense, some are in the present and some dabble in the future tense (for
example, this paper will examine, will analyse, will find). As a general rule,
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keeping to either the past or the present, and being consistent, is a good plan.
Steer clear of the future tense.
[Slide 21] The classical declarative sentence construction in English is the
“subject-verb-object” sentence, often shortened to SVO. An example might
be: “Annette writes the paper.” In this form, the verb connects the topic of
sentence, Annette, to the thing being acted upon, the object, also known as the
predicate, or the comment, or (in classical terms) the “accusative case”. In this
sentence, the object is “the paper”.
[Slide 22] The SVO sentence is the essential information delivery system in
English. The logical simplicity of the SVO sentence assists both writers and
editors. Understanding the dynamics of this sentence structure will help you
simplify prose and give it greater explanatory power. The basic SVO
construction provides a simple sentence that fulfils the requirements of
sentences in English, to convey meaning via a linear progression. Most
sentences in reality are more complex than this, and I will deal with complex
and compound sentences in a moment, but they still have this underlying
structure.
[Slide 23] To be correct, sentences have to be powered by the right verb. In
the SVO formulation, only what is known as a “finite verb” is correct. In our
SVO example, the finite verb is “writes”. It is recognisable by the fact that it
can be changed to indicate past, present or future tense: wrote, writes, will
write. [Slide 24] A common error is attempting to use the word “being” as the
driving force of the sentence. This construction, clearly a sentence that
follows and refers back to earlier information, is wrong [please do not
consider the truth or otherwise of the content – just consider the grammar]:
This being the ideal environment for coral.
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[Slide 25] This is not a complete sentence because the verb is wrong. The
verb that has been used here is “being”, which will not be able to create an
SVO sentence. This string of words does not have a finite verb to power it
and it can only be grammatical if it is part of a bigger sentence:
The seawater around the reef is pristine, this being the ideal
environment for coral.
The operating verb in this construction is now the word “is”, a suitable finite
verb. In this case you could quite comfortably say “was” for past tense or even
“will be” for future tense and the sentence will still hold. You cannot do this
with the word “being”. [Slide 26] Another way to fix this sentence would be
to change the verb to something suitable. This may lead to a new sentence
such as:
This is the ideal environment for coral.
Even better, considering the need to emphasise the grammatical subject, to
avoid a floating pronoun and to perhaps provide the extra information that the
longer sentence offers, would be:
Coral grows best in pristine seawater.
More complicated sentences
[Slide 27] While the simple SVO construction is useful and often very
powerful, there are other ways to construct sentences, including using a
grammatically more complicated structure that has more than one clause. A
clause is a group of words containing a subject and verb that forms part of a
sentence; it is joined with another clause or clauses to form the complete
sentence. Without getting too technical, these kinds of sentences are known
either as complex sentences (a main clause and attached sub-ordinate clause/s)
or compound sentences (containing clauses of equal grammatical status). I
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generally recommend limiting your sentences to no more than two or three
clauses. If you find your sentence has six clauses, you really will have to
restructure it.
[Slide 28] Here is an example of a complex sentence containing a main clause
and a subordinate clause. Note that subordinate clauses are joined to the main
clause either by a conjunction or, in certain cases, by a semi-colon [again,
disregard the meaning of the sentence and concentrate on the grammar]:
“The Prime Minister yesterday announced a sweeping review of the
1992 Broadcasting Act, though it was unlikely to reform the sector.”
Here the conjunction is the word “though”. There are many other kinds of
conjunctions. [Slide 29] The most common, which often though not always
joins clauses of equal status (co-ordinating clauses) is “and”, followed by
“but” and “or”. Consider this sentence:
“The Prime Minister yesterday announced a sweeping review of the
1992 Broadcasting Act and the Communications Minister established an
enquiry into the commercial radio sector.”
In this case both clauses can stand alone grammatically, once you remove the
“and”. This can’t happen with the subordinate clause, earlier, where the
second clause was dependent on the first.
Subject-verb agreement
[Slide 30] The subject of a sentence must “agree” with the finite verb of the
sentence; if the subject is singular then the verb must be singular too. If it is
plural, then the verb must be plural. This means that we write:
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The lawyer discusses her strategy.
…and not:
The lawyer discuss her strategy.
Most people with a reasonable grasp of English will have no problem
understanding SV agreement here. But what happens when the sentence is a
little less clear-cut? Consider these sentences [slide 31]:
The bittersweet flavour of youth – its trials, its joys, its adventures, its
challenges – are not soon forgotten.
OR
The bittersweet flavour of youth – its trials, its joys, its adventures, its
challenges – is not soon forgotten.
The correct sentence here has to be the second example, even if it doesn’t
immediately seem right. Words that intervene between subject and verb do
not affect the number (i.e. singular or plural) of the verb.
Active and passive voice
[Slide 32] In English, unlike various other languages, word order is crucial. It
is not okay to say “Annette the paper writes”. But there is another way to
convey the message in a different word order. “Annette writes the paper” is in
active voice, because it follows the SVO construction. But you can also say
“The paper is written by Annette”, and suddenly what was the object now
starts the sentence instead of appearing at the end, thus making this part of the
sentence more prominent. It has swapped positions and the subject (Annette)
is now called the agent – “by Annette”. Note also that the verb has undergone
a change. You must add in a new word, in this case “is”, to preserve the
original meaning. The original verb also changes, from writes to written.
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[Slide 33] You will often hear people saying you should not use passive voice,
and some are quite dogmatic about it. One reason for this is because this
voice always guarantees a more wordy sentence: passive voice verbs are
always at least two words. But you can’t always avoid passive voice. It may
be necessary, for example, if the active subject is unknown or not easily stated.
This might lead to a sentence like “Walter’s father was killed in the Second
World War”, which is in the passive form and where we don’t know who or
what actually killed Walter’s father. In this case, there can be no “agent”
because we don’t have enough information to be able to say who carried out
the action of the sentence.
[Slide 34] Sometimes, even when the “agent” is known, it is not stated. This
is because it is common for passive voice to be used to distance the writer
from the reader and from responsibility for the action in the sentence, to lend
the appearance of objectivity. This is why academic journal articles,
government papers and other official documents are filled with sentences in
the passive voice. Consider for example the passive voice sentence:
“The hospital beds have been shut down.”
Again, there is no agent in this sentence, which has the effect of holding noone responsible for the action. It may well be that the sentence could correctly
be rendered as:
“The hospital beds have been shut down by the Health Department.”
…in which case it could be rewritten in active voice as:
“The Health Department shut down the hospital beds.”
I suggest being sparing with the passive voice, because it can remove
responsibility for actions as well as being difficult or confusing to read. You
can't always eliminate it but you can minimise it, or at least have a healthy
combination of active and passive in the final piece of writing.
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[Slide 35] You can usually tell if a sentence is in the passive voice if, firstly, it
has a compound verb like “was written” and also if the word “by” is used to
indicate the passive agent. Note, however, that in those sentences where the
subject is not known (like “Walter’s father was killed in the Second World
War”) or where the agent is being concealed (“The hospital beds have been
shut down.”), there is no agent indicated and therefore no use of the word “by”.
Passive voice comes in several varieties, and so far I have just mentioned the
most common. I want to draw your attention to a particular variety that should
always be edited out when you find it. The distorted passive occurs when the
true verb – the word that actually indicates the action of the sentence – is
hidden in a form of noun. [Slide 36]
1. Acid-etching removed the rust.
Active voice - acceptable
2. The rust was removed by acid etching.
Passive voice- acceptable
3. Removal of the rust was facilitated by acid-etching.
DP - unacceptable
The problem with sentence 3 is that the real verb that shows the action
(remove) is lost in a weak noun (removal), and so another verb must be
supplied to activate the sentence. The various suggestions for filling in this
gap are invariably the same tired, weak verbs: in this example, facilitated, but
you can also imagine achieved, accomplished, carried out, performed,
undertaken, effected. None of these tell the reader what precisely was done.
Only the precise verb, to remove, tells the reader what happened. “Removal
was carried out” sounds pompous, and it is inevitably much more wordy.
Rewriting Distorted Passive [Slide 37]:
 Check for a weak verb such as facilitated, undertaken etc.
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 Find the hidden verb earlier in the sentence (in the sentence above it
was “remove” from the noun removal).
 Use this hidden verb as a direct verb in the sentence.
I would now like to turn to some aspects of punctuation, specifically
apostrophes, commas, semi-colons, colons and inverted commas. The rules
for the use of apostrophes are simple and straightforward. [Slide 38]
Apostrophes are used:
To indicate contraction: “It’s [It is] a pity that people don’t [do not] care
about apostrophes.”
To show possession (in nouns, not pronouns): “The editor’s lament” for
singular; “The editors’ lament” for plural.
The most common pair of errors is to leave out an apostrophe where it is
needed but put one in where it isn’t. [Slide 39] For example, the famous
greengrocers’ apostrophe leads to this kind of thing:
Apple’s, pear’s, avocado’s
[Slide 40] The iron rule, easy to remember, is that simple plurals never need
an apostrophe. You need to look at a word and see whether it is a contraction
or a possessive and then apply the apostrophe accordingly. If the word is
neither of these things, do not use an apostrophe.
[Slide 41] Also common is leaving out apostrophes when they are clearly
needed, such as:
The prawns whiskers
The projects results
The managers decisions.
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They must be edited to the correct versions:
The prawn’s whiskers/The prawns’ whiskers
The project’s results/The projects’ results
The manager’s decisions/The managers’ decisions
Note that in their original, unpunctuated, form it is not always possible to
determine whether what is being referred to is singular or plural. Correctly
applied apostrophes will tell you.
[Slide 42] Modern Australian style dictates that you do not use an apostrophe
in, for example, the 1970s or to show the plural of acronyms such as QCs or
MPs. Here, just a lower case “s” is sufficient and I think this is a good thing –
it keeps it simple and elegant.
[Slide 43] Possessive pronouns such as its, his, hers, ours, theirs, yours have a
different rule to nouns. These words never have an apostrophe. They exist as
words only to show possession, and no further symbol is needed for this
function. Consider for example “The cat chased its tail” in which the
possessive pronoun “its” does not require an apostrophe. When you see the
word “its” ask yourself if it is a contraction, in which case it must have an
apostrophe, or whether it is simply possessive, in which case there is no
apostrophe.
Commas [Slide 44]
There is perhaps more reason for confusion over commas than there is over
apostrophes. The rules for apostrophes are clear-cut, but the rules for commas
are not. Commas are used to separate ideas in a sentence and to otherwise
make meaning clear. They are intended to provide natural pauses within a
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sentence, to regulate the rhythm of the sentence in ways that assist meaning. I
have always found good comma use quite helpful for spoken scripts because
they assist the person delivering the speech or paper to follow the sense of the
prose in the heat of the moment, while speaking to an audience or into a
recording device.
[Slide 45] The trend in standard Australian English is to cut down on the use
of commas where possible. That’s fine to a certain extent, but you must keep
in mind that commas can change the meaning of a sentence:
The politicians, who liked to talk, were appointed to the committee.
The politicians who liked to talk were appointed to the committee.
Here are some rules that may help comma use [slide 46]:
1. To avoid ambiguity:
“When the father finished washing, the children went to the beach.” Without
a comma here, ambiguity may arise over joining “washing” and “the children”
together.
2. Between adjectives before a noun:
A large, black van.
Note that the use of commas here is only when the adjectives modify the noun separately. If the modifying
adjectives are working more closely together, such as “The grand old duke of York”, a comma is not required.
3. In a list to separate the elements:
The basic stages of writing an article are: outlining, researching, drafting,
checking and confirming facts, redrafting and editing.
4. To distinguish parenthetical words and phrases:
My view, therefore, is that editors should always be consistent.
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[Slide 47] Pay special attention to the point about parenthetical words and
phrases. Commas must always be used in pairs in this case. You cannot open
such a phrase with a comma and not close it. In the sentence “My view,
therefore, is that editors should always be consistent”, to not place the second
comma after the word “therefore” would be grammatically incorrect. [Slide
48] An easy way to determine if you need a pair of commas is to see if the
word or phrase could be taken out without damaging the grammatical integrity
of the sentence. If it can be taken out, then you must use two commas.
[Slide 49] No stray comma between subject and verb
I would like to make a strong declaration of where you don’t use a comma,
even though it is a common error. You must not let a comma stand between a
grammatical subject and its verb. I will come to a complicating factor in this
in a moment, but let me show you the general principle first:
“A grammatical subject links strongly to its verb.”
Do not write:
“A grammatical subject, links strongly to its verb.”
[Slide 50] The complication comes in when you are inserting a descriptive
phrase:
“The woman, who was increasingly impatient, waited in line.”
You will see that the grammatical subject, “the woman” does have a comma
after it, and it takes a while to get to the verb, “waited”. The key point here is
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that the commas enclose a parenthetical phrase that could be taken out,
commas and all, without disrupting the grammar of the sentence.
[Slide 51] Linking words or phrases at the start of sentences should, I believe,
have a comma between them and the main part of the sentence. For example,
these words and phrases should have commas:
Similarly
More importantly
On the other hand
Namely
In conclusion
Of course
Therefore
Furthermore
In fact
Put simply
That is
I would like to move on to the semi-colon and the colon. [Slide 52] The
semi-colon serves a useful function, I believe: to substitute for a
conjunction. That is almost its only function, apart from separating
elements of a list. It is not interchangeable with commas. Here is an
example of it being used to stand in for a conjunction:
“Mary Shelley’s works are entertaining; they are full of engaging ideas.”
Here the semi-colon is taking the place of a conjunction such as “because”.
[Slide 53] In a related function, they are used to separate two thoughts in a
compound sentence. The thoughts need to be together in the same sentence
but they also need some distance from each other. An example of this
might be:
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“They failed to convince the jury; however, the judge issued a suspended
sentence.”
Another way of expressing this information would be in two separate
sentences. However, wanting the two facts to be placed together is
completely legitimate but you want to indicate a slight pause between them
as well. A semi-colon is the way to go and a comma is not.
[Slide 54] Semi-colons and colons are also not interchangeable. They have
different functions. A colon informs the reader that what follows proves
and explains, or simply provides elements of, what is referred to before.
Here is an example of correct colon use:
“The system is designed to be foolproof: a user cannot access the system
without three different user names and five passwords.”
In this sentence, the material after the colon explains how the system is
foolproof. Therefore, it provides back-up to the first part of the sentence.
[Slide 55] I would like to turn now to quotation marks. There are some
rules around their use and there are also some stylistic considerations.
Style first – consistency is important and if you are going to stick with, say,
single quotation marks throughout your academic paper then make sure
that is what you use. But you should also familiarise yourself with the style
guides of the journals you write for. Some insist on single quote marks,
others on double quote marks. I do often see a mixture of the two,
sometimes randomly in the same sentence. I am used to double quote
marks throughout a piece of writing. [Slide 56] The exception, of course,
is the quote within a quote. For example:
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She said, “I think Lynne Truss is right when she says ‘It’s tough being a
stickler for punctuation these days’.”
Note that the quote within a quote is completed inside the sentence, so you
close that quote before you close the larger quote.
[Slide 57] I would now like to turn to some principles of editing. These
apply to editing your own work as well as editing the work of others. I
would like you to consider cultivating editing mindstates, varied forms of
focus that enable you to do effective edits. Editing mindstates involve, to
begin with, a dispassionate and lofty view of the big picture: the whole
meaning, the logic and structure of the piece. You will switch to a different
state later to investigate the fine detail, looking at each word individually.
These are different brain states from the detective work, deductive and
inductive reasoning, information synthesis, intellectual inventiveness and
much more of the research writer. As a writer you will have read through
your work with a writer’s eye, adding to the substance as required and
making sure you are saying all that you need to say. When you return as
editor I suggest that you consciously read for different kinds of things.
[Slide 58] The first stage involves going through the whole document to
examine the substance, making sure that the work conveys the meaning
that it is supposed to contain. You will read through as a reader new to the
topic and ask yourself at the end what you have obtained from the piece of
writing. You will ensure that the concept is correctly and logically in place
and that the piece of writing works to honour its intentions. You may find
that there are inconsistencies in the message that need to be corrected.
Small lapses in logic are to be expected in difficult pieces of writing and
you need to consciously seek them out.
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[Slide 59] Your aims in this part of your edit are to look for cohesion,
context and depth. Does the whole document actually make sense? Do
the individual sections make sense? Does the reader know more at the end
of the document than at the start? Have the stated intentions of the piece
been fulfilled? Were you left with nagging unanswered questions at the
end? This is a form of active reading – questioning the substance of the
document at every stage and noting any inconsistencies and ambiguities.
[Slide 60] The structure edit, my next proposed editing state of mind,
examines logical flow. You will be ensuring that, for instance, the
introduction actually provides a roadmap to the whole document that is to
follow. You will ensure that the sections exhibit a logical structure that
aids the argument and that the reader can follow easily. Again, we are
thinking about what the reader needs to know and indeed what that reader
expects from the document. Jumping about may be how the writer’s mind
works, but it is not helpful to the reader. [Slide 61] An effectively written
piece has coherency, an internal logic and argument, and can be readily
understood by others. Logic and intellectual sophistication come from
good editing. Reorganisation, insertion of information so that the reader
does not have to second-guess the writer and more effective use of sentence
structure can force the writer to see new patterns of information. The
reader needs to be presented with a pattern of argument in order to
understand it, in which connections are made between ideas and the reader
is shown these connections. Redrafting and editing help the writer and
editor find new and more subtle patterns. You will be looking for the broad
statements of theme set firmly at the beginning, after which the document
will embark on an elaboration of these themes in a sensible order, moving
from the general to the particular to the synthesis at the end.
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[Slide 62] The structure edit will also involve tracking down and
eliminating needless repetition. The editor brings a fresh mind to the
document, one primed to notice if a point has been made again and again
for no good reason. While there is a place for repeating points, perhaps to
refocus or amplify, just absently saying the same thing again has to go and
you as editor will be the one to do the eliminating. A good structure is
streamlined and lean.
[Slide 63] The next editing state of mind is the word-by-word read. You
are thinking about each word, each phrase, each clause and each sentence.
These are the units of traditional grammar so it does help to employ the
technical knowledge we discussed earlier. You will be ensuring that each
word is fulfilling its function as a subject or verb or object – whatever it
needs to be to ensure meaning. Some of this read will involve correcting
grammar, punctuation, spelling and terminology. You will also examine
each word for its usefulness to the collection of words in which it appears
and eliminating, for example, redundancies.
[Slide 64] The main things you will be looking for will be:
 Subject-verb agreement
 Correct use of pronouns, including care with pronoun antecedents
and ensuring there are no “floating” pronouns
 Correct use of prepositions
 Correct use of verbs
 Elimination of dangling or hanging modifiers
[Slide 65] Some sentence structures in which nouns are used instead of
verbs are unnecessarily long-winded. For example: “The factory will
begin production of more engines next year.” You can easily make this
22
stronger and simpler by editing it to: “The factory will produce more
engines from next year.” Here are some more examples [slide 66]:
X: Territory size was found to vary with population density.
√: Territory size varied with population density.
X: The typhoon had the effect of a destructive force on the manufacturing
industry.
√: The typhoon destroyed the manufacturing industry.
X: The data provided supporting evidence for the results of Jones et al.
√: The data supported Jones et al.’s results.
Eliminating redundancies and tautologies should be a priority. Both
redundancies and tautologies are forms of repetition and they clog up
sentences. Have a look at these [slide 67]:
all of
past history
at this moment in time
4pm in the afternoon
both shared
blue in colour
completely full
four hectares of land
completely destroyed
new innovation
consensus of opinion
early pioneer
first origins
future plans
general consensus
in actual fact
including for example
estimated at about
final outcome
essential condition
integrated together
join together
long period of time
original source
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Just plain flabby wording can go the same way as redundancies and tautologies.
Consider these examples [slide 68]:
Flabby
Slim
a large portion
much
a number of
many, several
behind schedule
late
filled to capacity
full
gained entrance to
got in
in addition to
also, too, and, besides, as well
in close proximity
near
in excess of
more than
in order to
to
in short supply
scarce
in spite of the fact
though/although
in the near future
soon
made an approach to
approached
owing to the fact that
since or because
previous to
before
the majority of
most
You will find that the text starts to lift when you replace abstract with concrete
language where possible. Here is an example of an abstract sentence and its
concrete alternative:
Abstract: Prosthetics have advanced beyond mere substitution to the
ability to restore function.
Concrete: Prosthetics have advanced beyond wooden legs and glass eyes
to new devices, such as cochlea implants for the ears, which restore the
patient’s use of the missing or defective body part.
While completely accepting the need for sometimes quite advanced and arcane
technical vocabularies, I urge you not to let technical language descend into jargon.
Technical vocabularies provide a special language for experts in that field to share
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information and these vocabularies are necessary and useful in their contexts.
Jargon, according to my favoured definition, is nonsensical, incoherent or
meaningless talk, quite often “weasel words”. I urge you to consider the vocabulary
of the piece of work you are editing and ensure that it is suitable for the task and not
unnecessarily obscure or abstract.
As we start some brief grammar, writing and editing exercises, here’s a thought
from the American writer Marianne Moore: “A writer is unfair to himself when he
is unable to be hard on himself.”
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[Slide 1] Session 2 1.20pm-2.35pm: Effective paragraphing, critical thinking,
concise writing.
[Slide 2] I would like to start with a quote from the eminently quotable Mark Twain:
“To get the right word in the right place is a rare achievement. To condense the
diffused light of a page of thought into the luminous flash of a single sentence is
worthy to rank as a prize composition just by itself...Anybody can have ideas-the difficulty is to express them without squandering a quire of paper on an
idea that ought to be reduced to one glittering paragraph.”
[Slide 3] A paragraph is a unit of thought. It discusses and elaborates a particular
point that you need to make for your overall argument. Although there are problems
with being too formulaic, in practice you will find that most effective academic
paragraphs will contain between around four to eight sentences. An academic
paragraph will not contain just one sentence. You will know if a paragraph has gone
on too long if the point you are making morphs into a new point in the same
paragraph.
[Slide 4] Academic paragraphs work best if they have a theme (or topic) sentence.
This is the sentence that indicates what the entire paragraph is about, and is a very
useful tool for both the writer and the reader. It helps the writer to work within a
logical and clear framework and it helps the reader to follow the argument without
being lost or confused at any time. The theme sentence is a signpost for the reader
to let them know what is coming, and so it helps the reader accompany the writer
through the argument. Some people even write the theme sentences at the outlining
stage and then it is a simple matter of moving them from the outline into the
document and begin filling in the rest of the paragraph. I will talk more about that in
our final session today.
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[Slide 5] A theme sentence is used:
 To state the main point of a paragraph;
 To give the reader a sense of direction (indicate what information will follow);
and
 To summarise the paragraph's main point
[Slide 6] Because a paragraph is simply a developed unit of thought or argument, it
must not have more than one main idea in it – but that idea must be fully explained.
Do not leave the reader with questions. Note that every other sentence in the
paragraph apart from the theme sentence describes, illustrates, exemplifies the point
of the theme sentence. Please refer to your handout part A. [Slide 7]
THEME SENTENCE: Throughout history there have been efforts to distinguish
the guilty from the innocent and to tell the liars from the truthful. SUPPORT 1: For
example, a method of lie detection practised in Asia involved giving those suspected
of a crime a handful of rice to chew. After chewing for some time, the persons were
instructed to spit out the rice. The guilty person was expected to have grains of rice
sticking to the roof of the mouth and tongue. This technique relied on the increased
sympathetic nervous system activity in the presumably fearful and guilty person.
This activity would result in the drying up of saliva that, in turn, would cause grains
of rice to stick in the mouth. SUPPORT 2: A similar but more frightening technique
involved placing a heated knife blade briefly against the tongue, another method
used for criminal detection. An innocent person would not be burned while the
guilty party would immediately feel pain, again because of the relative dryness of
the mouth. CONCLUDING SENTENCE: Many of these methods relied
(unknowingly) on the basic physiological principles that also guided the creation of
the polygraph.
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THEME SENTENCE: The teeth of carnivorous and herbivorous vertebrates are
specialised for different ways of life. SUPPORT 1: Those of carnivores are adapted
for capturing and subduing prey and for feeding largely on meat. Dogs and cats, for
example, have long, sharp canines used for piercing and molars and premolars
equipped for cutting and tearing. SUPPORT 2: By contrast, herbivores such as
cows and horses have teeth specialized for feeding on tough plant material and
breaking down the indigestible cellulose in plant cell walls. Their molars and
premolars have large, ridged surfaces useful for chewing, gnawing and grinding.
[Slide 8] The academic paragraph we have just examined has the following:
 Theme sentence;
 Examples following the order established in theme sentence (carnivores first
and then herbivores)
 Links to indicate shift of argument to reader (“by contrast”)
 Emphasis of key words (carnivore, herbivore, teeth) to help continuity (but do
not over use words and bore the reader)
[Slide 9] Theme sentence: carries the central idea to which everything else in the
paragraph is subordinated. It contains the underlying idea that unifies the paragraph.
Support: The support is the evidence or reasoning by which a theme sentence is
developed. Concluding sentence: note that not every paragraph will have a
concluding sentence. The point of the concluding sentence is to clarify explicitly in
words what the point of the information in the preceding examples has been.
Linking
Use links to let reader know what is connected to what. As always, you are guiding
your reader around your argument. Do not leave them stranded.
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[Slide 10] From your handout part B, compare these two paragraphs:
Each of the US manned space exploration projects had specific major goals. The Mercury project
was designed to test whether or not human beings could survive and function in outer space. The
Mercury project tested rockets with the new Mercury space capsule, which could hold one person.
The Gemini project was intended to find out whether two people could work in the weightless
environment of space. Gemini astronauts took “spacewalks”. They floated outside their spacecraft in
a spacesuit, connected to it by a tether. Gemini astronauts tried out new flying skills. Some
astronauts flew two spacecraft extremely close together; this procedure was called “rendezvous”. On
some Gemini flights, astronauts physically linked two spacecraft together. Linking, or “space
docking”, was a major goal of the Gemini program. The Apollo project, with three astronauts, was
intended to test spacecraft and skills so that people could actually fly to the Moon and land on it.
Performing scientific experiments on the lunar surface and collecting rocks for study on Earth were
goals.
(From: http://lrs.ed.uiuc.edu/students/fwalters/cohere.htm)
The paragraph above is difficult to read and understand because the reader has to
work hard to try and see how all the bits of information are connected. There is
nothing wrong grammatically with any of the sentences or with the information, but
it has to be grouped so that the reader can see the why the writer has chosen those
bits of information. Linking words show the reader what connects to what.
Contrast the first version with this version:
Each of the US manned space exploration projects had specific major goals. For example, the
Mercury project was designed to test whether or not human beings could survive and function in
outer space. In addition, the Mercury project tested rockets with the new Mercury space capsule,
which could hold one person. As another example, the Gemini project was intended to find out
whether two people could work in the weightless environment of space. One way of doing this was
by having Gemini astronauts take “spacewalks”. That is, they floated outside their spacecraft in a
spacesuit, connected to it by a tether. Gemini astronauts also tried out new flying skills. For instance,
some astronauts flew two spacecraft extremely close together; this procedure was called
“rendezvous”. On some Gemini flights, astronauts physically linked two spacecraft together. This
linking, or “space docking”, was a major goal of the Gemini program. Finally, the Apollo project,
with three astronauts, had the goal of testing spacecraft and skills so that people could actually fly to
the Moon and land on it. Other goals included performing scientific experiments on the lunar surface
and collecting rocks for study on Earth.
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[Slide 11] Other linking words:
For adding things on
again… also… in addition… as well as… moreover… furthermore… still… next…
what is more… and
To give examples
for example… for instance… one example is… to illustrate… namely… as an
illustration… in this case
To contrast
however… but… although… despite… nevertheless… on the contrary… yet… even
so… even though… on the other hand
[Slide 12] To repeat
as I have said… as has been said… as has been noted… moreover… furthermore
To show argument
therefore… thus… because… evidently… although… meanwhile… in conclusion…
however
as a result… moreover… at this point… consequently… since… hence
To emphasise
indeed… in fact… certainly… especially… particularly… unquestionably… without
any doubt… definitely
[Slide 13] To make a concession
while… although… even though… however
To put things in sequence
first… firstly… second… secondly (etc)… then… after that… following… again…
and… and so forth… and so on… subsequently… later… finally… thereafter… to
conclude… lastly
To sum up or conclude
finally… to conclude… all in all… in other words… in short… in brief… to sum
up… as I have said… as has been stated… on the whole… in general
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[Slide 14] To edit paragraphs for logic and flow:
 Read the paragraph.
 Ask: What is the point of this paragraph?
 If there are more than one point, put the other points into their own paragraph.
 Ensure that the main point is indicated in the theme sentence.
 Ensure every sentence refers to the point in the theme sentence and illustrates
and develops that point.
 Ensure that key words are at the front of the sentence (not authors’ names).
[Slide 15] The final point in this list is an important tip. If you start your sentences
with a strong key word as the grammatical subject, you will grab your reader
immediately. Beginning with the name of a source is far less compelling and critical.
Work your sources into the paragraph in a supporting role.
[Slide 16] Perhaps the best way to describe what we have talked about so far
regarding what makes an effective academic paragraph are the following three
concepts:
 Unity means that only one idea is discussed in each paragraph: all the
information in the paragraph supports the theme established in the theme
sentence, which is usually the first sentence.
 Coherence means that the paragraph’s sentences are arranged logically and
are connected by the use of linking devices and the judicious repetition of key
words.
 Development means that enough specific information is given so that the idea
is completely understandable and the reader can evaluate the unit of argument
presented because all relevant evidence is provided. Remember that a
paragraph should not be too short to be complete.
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Redrafting a paragraph for focus [Slide 17]
Sometimes the point of the paragraph gets hazy and needs to be brought back into
focus. Here’s an example (see handout part C).
Original:
Many different articles were read about the molecular genetics of human
growth hormone. This paper will focus especially on hGH deficiencies.
Human growth hormone (hGH) is a polypeptide hormone, produced from
within a gene cluster on chromosome 17, that controls much of the
physical growth of the infant and child (1, 2). Since time is limited, this
paper cannot cover all possible aspects of hGH, so a narrower approach
has been taken.
This paragraph leaves unanswered questions. Edit to insert answers to those
questions. For example, in sentence 1 there is no information about the hormone,
but irrelevant information about what the writer read. Sentence 2 gives no
information on what the deficiencies are. Sentence 3 needs to show how the
hormone controls growth – does it retard or accelerate growth? The final sentence
plants ideas in the reader’s mind that the paper is inadequate. Don’t draw attention
to deficiencies, unless they are relevant to methodology. The fact that time is limited
is redundant. All papers take a specific focus, so the final sentence is unnecessary.
The writer should instead state precisely and positively what the focus is.
Rewritten:
Human growth hormone (hGH), a polypeptide hormone produced within a gene cluster on
chromosome 17, controls much of the physical growth of the infant and child (I,2). Deficiency
of hGH, a heritable disorder, can result in infantile dwarfism and retardation (3, 4, 5). New
research methods, including recombinant DNA technology, have made it possible to determine
the molecular basis of such deficiencies. This paper summarises current knowledge of the
molecular genetics of hGH and suggests ways that continued research may help physicians
treat infants with a deficiency of this hormone.
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[Slide 18] Hopefully you can see that effective academic paragraphs impart lots of
information that is useful to the reader, and leave out anything that is irrelevant or
distracting. The information needs to be grouped logically and properly linked.
Remember that critical paragraphs provide everything the reader needs to evaluate
the material covered, so you must ensure that there is enough information available
for this purpose. You must also ensure that you do not provide too much
information to the point that the paragraph becomes repetitive and redundant.
[Slide 19] I would like to move now to a brief section on critical thinking and will
start with a thought:
“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without
accepting it.” Aristotle, Ancient Greek philosopher.
[Slide 20] Critical thinking is fundamental to academic writing because it essential
for the analysis of texts and data, and also underpins all effective writing. There is
really nothing to separate critical thinking and critical writing, certainly in this
context. Good writing is presented in a logical way so that the reader can follow the
arguments and the reasoning of the writer. Journal articles must be well argued, and
critical writing is one way to ensure that the reader can easily see the analytical
skills of the writer. Good writing needs good thinking; and good thinking is
developed and made explicit through writing. The two, writing and thinking, are
intimately related.
[Slide 21] Here’s a concise quote by the prominent American academic of
philosophy and critical thinking, John Chaffee. He defines critical thinking as: “An
active, purposeful, organised cognitive process we use to carefully examine our
thinking and the thinking of others, in order to clarify and improve our
understanding.” (From Thinking Critically.)
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[Slide 22] Critical thinking includes such “higher-order” thinking tasks as reasoning,
problem-solving, analysis, synthesis and evaluation. The skills or tasks involved in
critical thinking will vary, but may include:
 Developing a logical argument;
 Identifying the flaws or weaknesses in an argument;
 Making relevant connections or links across disciplines, or from theory to
practice;
 Analysing the material in a range of sources and synthesising it; and
 Applying theory to particular cases
[Slide 23] An academic argument is frequently distinguished by being expansive
enough to embrace counter-arguments, so that your work acknowledges and
attempts to deal with arguments and assertions that run contrary to yours. Academic
arguments are constructed rationally and systematically to persuade, and therefore
are not made up simply of strings of facts or data – or of just assertions of opinion.
An academic argument uses specific, well explained and carefully chosen evidence
to support its claims; it rarely uses generalisations. While you may use as a starting
point a personal opinion, this will not be enough to sustain an academic argument.
[Slide 24] We are thinking critically when we are:
 being precise, meticulous, comprehensive and exhaustive;
 resisting manipulation and irrational appeals, and
 avoiding snap judgments.
[Slide 25] To examine what exactly arguments are, I would like to paraphrase from
the University of Colorado’s summary of academic arguments. These elements are
common to all academic arguments:
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 The claim must be arguable: A disagreement or a number of legitimate
points of view must exist regarding the claim you are making, or there must
be significant gaps in understanding about it.
 The argument must be rational: An argument must be based in fact not
emotion. The claim must be meticulously considered, the evidence thoroughly
researched and carefully selected; the audience/readership correctly assessed.
 The logic must be cohesive: A claim must be argued in a linear, step-by-step
fashion, with transitions revealing the logic that ties one point to the next. If a
minor point doesn't add to the main point, it doesn't belong.
 Credit must be given where it is due: All outside sources must be
documented (e.g., footnotes, endnotes, and in-text citations) using a citation
format approved by the academic discipline into which the argument falls.
Syllogisms
[Slide 26] To break arguments down to their fundamentals, it may be helpful to
consider the concept of syllogisms. An argument (a conclusion with supporting
evidence/premises) may be more readily understood when placed into the syllogism
framework. Syllogisms, a form of deductive reasoning dating back to ancient times,
are not without their problems, but they are still helpful for understanding arguments
and even for identifying false arguments. In effect, syllogisms draw logical links
between general and specific facts about the world to reach a rational consequence,
known as a conclusion.
[Slide 27] Premise 1:
All plants in which sap solidifies at the joint between leaf
and stem in autumn are deciduous.
Premise 2: All oak trees have sap that solidifies at the joint between leaf and stem
in autumn.
Conclusion: Therefore, all oak trees are deciduous.
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[Slide 28] You will see that syllogisms tend to depend on a universal statement as
the first premise, then a specific example as the second premise, with the conclusion
flowing as a logical consequence from the interaction between these two elements.
[Slide 29] A good argument has reasons (premises or evidence) to support its
conclusion. This is really what a clearly written academic paragraph contains – the
recommended structure of a theme sentence and supporting evidence is an inversion
of the syllogistic framework, with the conclusion placed at the beginning for the
convenience and ready reference of the reader.
[Slide 30] Just because an argument appears to be in a valid syllogistic form, it does
not mean that it is a valid argument. But when we use a syllogistic form, we can
more easily see where the argument has gone wrong, as the philosopher Immanuel
Kant suggested:
Premise:
All birds fly
Premise:
The emu is a bird
Conclusion: Therefore emus fly.
[Slide 31] To find the syllogistic form of an argument that you are either making or
assessing, ask these questions:
 What is the main point – the conclusion?
 Where are the premises/reasons/evidence to support that point?
[Slide 32] Distinctions between an assertion and an argument
To persuade your reader of the logic of your argument, show the reader your
reasoning processes by providing an argument, not just an assertion. An assertion is
a truth claim and may indeed be perfectly factual, but it carries the same weight as
36
an opinion until it is turned into an argument with the addition of evidence. For
example [slide 33]:
Assertion
Between 1945 and 1980, the Australian Senate prevented the Labor Party from
governing effectively by persistently failing to pass important legislation.
Supported Statement
Between 1945 and 1980, the Australian Senate prevented the Labor Party from
governing effectively by persistently failing to pass important legislation (Brown, 28;
Smith 36-6).
Argument
Between 1945 and 1980, the Australian Senate prevented the Labor Party from
governing effectively by persistently failing to pass important legislation. For
instance, in 1974 the Senate blocked 80 pieces of important legislation (Smith, 23).
Brown’s analysis of Senate voting between 1950 and 1980 showed that the Senate
blocked 850 Labor bills but only five of the non-Labor party bills (41).
The final paragraph allows the reader to see how the writer has argued, on what
basis the writer has drawn the conclusion, and also provides the reader with some
“meat”, something substantial and concrete to keep in mind. If readers do not have
this sort of substance, they cannot form pictures in the mind, and follow the
argument.
Opinions
[Slide 34] Opinions are not arguments, and in fact they are often not even assertions.
They are statements of belief, without supporting evidence.
For instance:
 Pride and Prejudice is a great piece of literature.
 Coral reefs are valuable ecosystems.
 Business has a responsibility only to its shareholders.
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These opinions may form part of an argument, if evidence and reasoning is supplied.
Check that there is always evidence for your opinions. Many alleged arguments are,
in fact, just the exchange of opinions: two people talking about a topic, but not
actually refuting each other. [Slide 35] Refuting an argument in academia is of
course different and more rigorous than refuting an argument in everyday life. It
involves engaging with the premises of an argument. Refuting an argument does not
mean rejecting it. It means showing the reasons why the premises are false, or why
the premises in the argument cannot support the conclusion. In academic writing
and reading, always look to see what the whole argument is, and how it is formed.
Do not argue just with the conclusion, but show how the conclusion is invalid.
Keeping the argument in plain view
[Slide 36] One of the problems with academic writing is that writers do not state
clearly the inferences in their arguments. The writer may wrongly assume that the
reader will follow the logic. Providing the logical pathway for the reader is your job.
Some arguments are not convincing or persuasive because the full argument is not
on the page. The reader has to guess at the conclusion (an implied conclusion) or
the premises (implied premise). The reader should never have to guess what the
writer intended. Here is a well-known example of implied premises.
Implied premises [Slide 37]
This is also known as “enthymeme”. An enthymeme is a syllogism with an unstated
assumption that must be true for the premises to lead to the conclusion. In an
enthymeme, part of the argument is missing because it is assumed or implied. For
example, Mark Twain is credited with an enthymeme. He said:
“There is no law against composing music when one has no ideas whatsoever.
The music of Wagner, therefore, is perfectly legal.”
This witty syllogism has three parts:
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 There is no law against composing music when one has no ideas whatsoever.
Premise
 The music of Wagner, therefore, is perfectly legal. Conclusion
 Wagner has no ideas. Implied premise
In making his argument against the music of Wagner, Twain has inserted an implied
premise that must be correct for the syllogism to be valid. There are many other
examples where premises are assumed but not stated. Sometimes they are
deliberately concealed but other times assumptions are just made that the receiver of
the information will fill in the blanks. In academic writing, the premises of one’s
argument always need to be spelled out.
Hidden assumptions
[Slide 38] Hidden assumptions are those positions held by the writer/speaker, which
underline and influence the opinions evident in a piece of writing. To analyse an
opinion and find whether it can stand as a valid argument, we have to make explicit
what is implicit in the words. That is, we must look for hidden assumptions.
Ronald Reagan’s response when he heard there were 12 million Americans
unemployed was “If you women would stay at home, maybe we could solve
America’s unemployment problems”. Consider some of the hidden assumptions in
Reagan’s response.
1. All women could have men to support them.
2. Women are taking jobs away from men.
3. Women do not really need jobs since they can stay at home.
4. Men want and will take women’s jobs (and pay).
5. Work for all women is a kind of indulgence allowed by their men.
39
What other hidden assumptions can you think of? How could you rebut these
assumptions?
Until the hidden assumptions are made explicit, the statement cannot be refuted. It
can be rejected, but not refuted. In this example, a simple examination of census/tax
information would show that not all women are financially supported by men. A
certain amount of qualitative enquiry would probably help as well.
How to check for hidden assumptions [Slide 39]
 Are there reasons/facts/evidence to support each claim?
 Does the piece of writing depend upon emotive words or is the language
neutral?
Checklist for good arguments [Slide 40]
1. Are the reasons adequate to support the conclusion?
2. Are there any hidden assumptions in this argument?
3. Are any central words ambiguous or slanted to incite prejudice?
4. Are there fallacies in the reasoning?
5. Is any important information or evidence omitted?
6. Is any information false, contradictory, irrelevant or irreconcilable?
Concise writing
I would now like to look specifically at the efficiency of your writing – ensuring that
you use exactly the words you need to use to ensure understanding, but no more than
are necessary. We are considering conciseness, also known as concision. One of
the reasons rigorous and vigorous editing is so important in any form of academic
writing is that it leads to more concise prose. Excess verbiage, redundant
expressions and tediously long and convoluted sentences obscure the ideas and the
reader must struggle to understand the writer. We do not want to cause the reader to
struggle. We do want to cause them to think about the original ideas you are
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presenting. You will therefore do what you can to remove the communication
barriers that inevitably exist between two human minds by attempting to build the
most streamlined and well engineered bridge between them.
[Slide 41] Our opening thought for this section:
“The skill of writing is to create a context in which other people can think.”
Edwin Schlossberg, designer, author and artist.
People can’t think in a fog, so clarity and concision are exceptionally important if
you want to carry an argument. Critical reading is important in this process, and
again this is an editing skill that is strongly connected to the reader-centred approach.
Assume that you are writing the first draft of an academic paper. When you think
you have captured all the substantive information you want to cover, read through
and ask these questions.
At the end of every sentence ask [slide 42]:
 What is the point of this sentence?
 Is the key word at the front of the sentence?
 Is every word in this sentence adding information? If not, eliminate.
 Can I express any phrases in a single word?
When you are happy with the sentences, go back and read every paragraph. At the
end of each paragraph, ask [slide 43]:
 What is the main point of this paragraph?
 Is this point clearly stated in the theme sentence?
 Does every sentence support and provide evidence for this theme sentence? If
not, then remove the sentence.
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[Slide 44] Read the following passage from your handout part D. Consider what
improvements you would make for concision, precision and clarity by adopting the
critical reading approach. Everyone will have a different way of doing this, but I
have provided a possible edit for your considerations.
Original:
I am presenting the famous seventeenth century quarrel of Ancients and Moderns as, at least in part,
a birth pang of the Scientific Revolution, and a way of understanding an inevitable suspicion that
arose in this time between nascent scientists and entrenched humanists. The mistrust between
scientists and humanists should have dissipated long ago, but it has unfortunately persisted as our
legacy today. I wish to show the complexity and multifaceted character of this founding debate, so
that we do not conceptualize the birth and later history of modern science as a war with two
unambiguous sides. We do not want to think of a clean dichotomy that sees, on one side, dogmatic
and hidebound humanities holding the fort of Antiquity, and, on the other side, a progressive assault
and inevitable break by defenders of free inquiry and the power of new discovery. First of all, no
mutual hatred ever existed; nearly all founders of the Scientific Revolution revered (and liberally
quoted) the great sources of Antiquity. They also believed (and proved) that knowledge could
progress by building upon those admirable foundations. For example, both Bacon’s paradox and
particularly Newton’s admirable image of Antiquity have a firm foundation anchored by intellectual
giants. Second, insofar as we may specify sides in the quarrel between Ancients and Moderns, the
scorecard of disciplinary affiliations does not identify the players of this particular game. In
particular, the ranks of modernists did not include only the new scientific scholars but also
encompassed many prominent intellectuals from literary and other humanistic callings, including the
theologian Hakewill. (260 words)
A proposed more concise version:
The seventeenth-century quarrel between Ancients and Moderns seen at the start of the scientific
revolution was thought to have given birth to the continuing conflict between humanism and science.
However, examining that complex period shows no mutual hatred ever existed: nearly all founders of
the scientific revolution revered their humanist heritage. The founders also believed (and proved)
that knowledge could progress by building upon those foundations. For example, both Bacon’s
paradox and particularly Newton’s image of Antiquity have firm intellectual bases in the past.
Furthermore, modernist intellectuals at that time were not just scientists. Many came from the
humanities and associated fields; indeed leading scientists such as Hakewill were often theologians.
(111 words)
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Editing paragraphs for conciseness and critical argument
You may wish to employ the underlining technique. [Slide 45] If your sentence or
paragraph seems wordy, underline the actual information present and then reassess
what you really want to say. When you are sure that you have underlined the real
information only, see if any of the non-underlined parts are really needed at all, or
whether they can be made more streamlined.
Editing sentences for conciseness [slide 46]
Consider where the real information is (underline it if you find it useful), then
rearrange the information into a clear, direct SVO flow.
Wordy: Scepticism is an attitude that is very healthy for a student to possess [13
words]
Better: Scepticism is a healthy attitude for students [7 words].
Wordy: Of all the assessment measures used to assess students’ academic abilities,
aptitude tests and grade point averages are the most common. [21 words]
Better: Aptitude tests and grade point averages are the most common means to
assess students’ academic abilities. [16 words]
Eliminate dead wood:
[Slide 47] Seek to eliminate these words where possible: regarding, concerning, in
relation to, with regards to, to be and being.
X: The issue in regards to the globalisation debate is whether globalisation benefits
the poor.
√: The issue is whether globalisation benefits the poor.
X: Regarding the electron microscope, it must be run at X biomoles per second.
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√: The electron microscope must be run at X biomoles per second
[Slide 48] Minimise dead words such as impact/impacted and dead phrases such as:
 It has been concluded that…..
 It is also worth pointing out that...
 Before concluding, another point is that...
 It is interesting to note that...
 In order to...
Omit It is/There is/There was/It was [slide 49]
X It was William Harvey who first wrote about the circulation of the blood.
√ William Harvey first wrote about the circulation of the blood
X: It was in Colorado Springs that we went up the highest mountain in the western
United States.
√: In Colorado Springs we went up the highest mountain in the western United
States.
√: Better: In Colorado Springs we climbed the highest mountain in the western
United States. (use the more precise, descriptive verb to show action).
Sentences tend to be more graceful if you avoid beginning them with prepositions
such as by, from, in, through, etc. For example [slide 50]:
X: From field observations it was shown that virtually all tagged individuals
remained in their original home ranges.
√: Field observations showed that virtually all tagged individuals remained in their
home ranges. (Note the removal of the tautological word “original”)
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Just generally tidy things up [slide 51]
X: The mode of action of anti-lymphocytic serum has not yet been determined by
research workers in this country or abroad.
√: How anti-lymphocytic serum works is unknown.
X: However, toward the end at around 100 minutes, antidiuretic hormone has been
released from the posterior pituitary gland due to hypothalamic control and opens
channels in the distal tubule therefore increasing its permeability to water and
therefore greater reabsorption of water.
√: At around 100 minutes, antidiuretic hormone was released from the posterior
pituitary gland due to hypothalamic control.
[Slide 52] And our thought before we do some exercises is:
“The more you say, the less people remember. The fewer the words, the greater
the profit.” Francois de Salignac Fenelon, French theologian, poet and writer.
Now let’s do some more exercises.
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[Slide 1] Session 3: Organising an academic paper + logical structure.
We are in the final straight now and just need to spend a little time considering some
generic principles and methods for organising papers.
[Slide 2] Our thought to begin with: “He did not arrive at this conclusion by the
decent process of quiet, logical deduction, nor yet by the blinding flash of
glorious intuition, but by the shoddy, untidy process halfway between the two
by which one usually gets to know things.” English writer Margery Allingham.
[Slide 3] The best known formula for organising an academic paper is known as
IMRAD (that is, Introduction, Methods, Research And Discussion). While used
primarily in the hard sciences, like physics and biology, it is also widely used in the
social and behavioural sciences. The IMRAD format is also known as the APA
format, as the American Psychological Association employs the IMRAD headings
in its APA stylesheet. IMRAD is a more “defined” version of the “IBC”
(Introduction, Body, Conclusion) format often recommended to students beginning
to undertake academic writing.
Research in the Humanities normally uses a style which is similar to IMRAD, in the
sense that academic research in all fields follows common principles of explication.
However, the focus in Humanities research is more on readability and the
clarification of nuances within the topic, with a less-distinct separation of topic
explication and “exact” data collection procedures than would are required for
research in the hard sciences. Some writers (see Day 11) say that the standard
formula has been evolving and some now adopt the IRDAM formula where the
methodology section appears last rather than second. [Slide 4] According to Day,
the logic of the IMRAD structure can be defined in question form: “What question
(problem) was studied? The answer is in the Introduction. How was the problem
studied? The answer is in the Methods. What were the findings? The answer is in
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the Results. What do these findings mean? The answer is in the Discussion.” This
simple logic does help set a robust structure for a paper. With that over-arching
structure, a number of structural decisions still need to be made. We will examine
the finer detail of that now.
Note that I do not intend being prescriptive here, since all of you will have
disciplinary conventions to which you must adhere. The journals you write for will
also provide highly specific information for authors and these instructions can differ
quite widely depending upon the journal and the discipline. I would instead like to
concentrate on more basic organising principles and practical ways of achieving
logical structure.
Logical structure
[Slide 5] One easy way to achieve a truly logical structure is to write an abstract
early in the write-up process. An abstract is as much a planning document as it is a
summary of your work, and in many ways it simply echoes the IMRAD format but
in denser, more summarised form. It will help you stay on track and ensure that
your entire paper relates back to its foundational principles. Consult it often while
drafting the whole paper. An abstract should have:
[Slide 6] Reason for Writing: Why do the study?
What is the importance of the research? Why would a reader be interested?
Problem: What was the study?
What problem does this work attempt to solve? What is the scope of the project?
What is the main argument?
[Slide 7] Methodology: How did I do the study?
An abstract of a scientific work may include specific models or approaches used.
Abstracts in other fields may describe the types of evidence used in the research.
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Results: What did I find?
Again, an abstract of a scientific work may include specific data that indicates the
results of the project. Abstracts in humanities disciplines may discuss the findings in
a more general way.
[Slide 8] Implications: Why are these findings important?
What changes should be implemented as a result of the findings of the work? How
does this work add to the body of knowledge on the topic?
[Slide 9] The strategies and protocols for structuring academic papers are intimately
related to communicating your ideas to another person in such a way that the
information is useful and (in many cases) that the methodology is reproducible.
[Slide 10] Logical presentation of material is only possible with this reader-centred
approach. The problem with some academic papers is that they have a writercentred approach. The writer pours out a mass of results, or distracting information
about why he or she has undertaken the project. The writer-centred approach tends
to present information as a disordered “grab-bag”, because the writer knows in his or
her own mind what has happened, and forgets that the reader cannot see inside his or
her head. A reader-centred approach steps back from the data to see strong patterns
that lead to forceful conclusions, then ensures that these elements are made explicit
for the reader.
[Slide 11] Think about the overall argument, and the logical way to describe the
results. The best way is not necessarily the chronological way, in which you just
describe the data gathering process in sequence. A better and more sophisticated
way is to detach yourself from your data and deepen your understanding of it against
the context that you establish in your introduction and literature review:
[Slide 12]
 How do your findings fit with what is already known?
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 How do they differ?
 What conclusions can justifiably be drawn from your results when they are
read in concert with existing knowledge?
[Slide 13] You should then be able to fashion your findings into an intellectually
coherent account that provides the most important results at the start, followed by a
logical approach that leads the reader through your processes and reasoning towards
a powerful and inescapable conclusion or set of conclusions. [Slide 14] The key is
stepping back to examine what exactly you have found and how it fits with the
existing scholarship and understandings. This is the essence of academic writing –
demonstrating your capacity to think deeply about conceptually difficult ideas and
find a logical and straightforward way to explain your reasoning.
Organising the structure of a paper
[Slide 15] Let’s consider how you might go about setting up a logically structured
academic paper. There are potentially many ways you can divide your piece of
work. The challenge is to find the structure that best enables you to tell the story of
your data. It really helps to prepare a detailed outline before attempting to write the
whole paper. By a detailed outline, I mean one that doesn’t just provide dot-point
key words. Instead, you should show exactly what evidence you are using and
where, and show inter-relationships between data. Your handout (part E) contains
an example that may illustrate the point, for you to consider in your own time.
[Slide 16] The most useful kind of outline involves working out exactly how many
paragraphs will be contained in the paper and what each one will be about. In this
kind of outline, you will write the theme sentence for each paragraph and then note
the exact backing evidence you will present in the paragraph.
Brainstorming a paper
(adapted from Dr Sato Juniper, www.uwa.edu.au)
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[Slide 17] Exactly how you come up with this outline is up to you, and everyone
develops their own technique. One effective way to work out the detail of the
outline is the brainstorming method. In the middle of a large piece of paper spread
across the floor or an accommodating table, write the main purpose of your paper,
the new idea you are trying to convey. Then, wherever you like on the paper,
brainstorm the entire document. What are the ideas/concepts/information that
must/could be included? Start anywhere and do not attempt to put the ideas in order.
Use abbreviations and notes, ignore spelling and grammar and do not filter ideas at
this stage. Avoid cop-outs such as “introduce x”
[Slide 18] Now, review your brainstorm. Circle the points that represent main
headings or subsections. Mark subsidiary points. Cross out any points that do not
relate to the main point you first wrote (save them for later). Transfer your main
headings or subsections to Post-it notes, one per Post-it.
[Slide 19] On a second large piece of paper, experiment with the order of the Post-it
notes until you arrive at a logical sequence of ideas. Add more Post-it notes as you
think of new points. Delete some if necessary (save them for later). When you are
happy with the logic, record the main points and use them as topic headings or
theme sentences. You will now have a useful outline for your paper. Then go ahead
and write your paragraphs, which theoretically should come together quite smoothly
now because you will know exactly what you want to convey in each. Some people
even find that it is possible to write paragraphs out of sequence using this method,
because they are to a certain extent self-contained units.
[Slide 20] Once you have completed this process, check for fluency (Sato Juniper)
Read each paragraph carefully.
1. In the margin alongside each one, write a brief note encapsulating the main
point. This should be a matter of writing a brief version of the theme sentence.
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2. When you have done this for the whole paper, these margin notes should be a
coherent summary of the ideas in the paper. Read them one after another and
see if they do actually flow logically. This is a good test for fluency.
3. If you are not able to identify the main point of a paragraph, you may have
two or more paragraphs mixed together. Separate them so that each
paragraph contains only one main point. This means that all the sentences in
that paragraph relate to that point.
[Slide 21] Fulfil your reader’s expectations
 Use informative titles/headings: for example, not Section A, but
Marsupials: Biology and Evolution.
 Signpost with link words or phrases: The three key factors are X, Y and
Z. First…..
 Link words: use a variety of terms: however, nevertheless, in contrast
etc
 Repeat keywords so that the reader knows you are still on the one
continuing subject
 Describe at the start what you are about to do in each section.
Take special care with the Introduction and with the Discussion/Conclusion. Apart
from the abstract, these are sections that are most widely read. [Slide 22] The key
point about the introduction is the need to create an effective context for the paper.
You must place your work into the continuum of research in your discipline and
make its connections to this continuum explicit. Introductions tend to begin with
general statements before moving to specific statements. [Slide 23] In general terms,
you will include:
 A statement of the problem you are addressing;
 Background of the problem, possibly in the form of a brief literature review;
 The research objective and how you achieve it in this work; and
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 A brief description of the conclusions you have reached.
Note that you do not conceal the conclusions – they need to be stated at the start of
the paper, since this is not a detective novel.
[Slide 24] According to Moriaty*, the Discussion/Conclusion continues the theme
of the introduction by way of identifying and discussing patterns. It interprets
results but does not rehash them. The overall flow of the discussion is from the
particular to the general, which is the opposite of the introduction. [Slide 25]
Therefore the paper has a kind of hourglass shape: general to specific in the intro,
very specific information in the body of the paper, then specific back out to general
at the end, releasing your reader back into the wild with an improved understanding
of the topic. It is good practice to ensure that the order with which you deal with
material in the conclusion matches the order of the introduction. This helps ensure a
satisfying consistency for the reader.
I would like now to turn to some exercises before we wrap up today’s session with a
discussion. To take us to the final part of the workshop, here is a thought:
“[S]cience is simply common sense at its best; that is, rigidly accurate in
observation, and merciless to fallacy in logic.” Thomas Henry Huxley, English
scientist.
*Marilyn Moriaty, Writing Science through Critical Thinking, Jones and Bartlett Publishers, Sudbury, 1997.
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