Download A Text-based Grammar for Expository Writing

A Text-based Grammar for
Expository Writing
Teaching Grammar in the CSU Expository
Reading and Writing Course
DRAFT
Roberta Ching
Expository Reading and Writing Task Force
The California State University
August 2007
DRAFT 8/07
A Text-based Grammar for Expository Writing
Contents
Introduction
1
Guidelines for Teachers
6
Chapter 1: Sentence Fundamentals for Expressing Ideas
Based on “Fast Food”
Chapter Focus: Sentence Fundamentals
Exercise 1: Guided composition activity
1.1 Finding Verbs in Sentences
Exercise 2: Identifying verbs and verb phrases
Based on David Zinczenko, “Don’t Blame the Eater”
Exercise 3: Identifying compound verbs and verb phrases
Based on David Barboza, “If You Pitch It, They Will Eat”
1.2. Finding Subjects of Sentences
Pronouns as Subjects
Exercise 4: Identifying subjects of sentences
Based on David Zinczenko, “Don’t Blame the Eater”
Compound Subjects
Exercise 5: Identifying compound subjects
Based on David Barboza,”If You Pitch It, They Will Eat”
Eliminating nouns that are not subjects
Exercise 6: Identifying verbs, subjects, and prepositional phrases
Based on David Barboza,”If You Pitch It, They Will Eat”
Exercise 7: More practice identifying subjects and verbs
Based on guided composition in Exercise 1
1.3 Recognizing Complete Ideas—Sentences and Clauses
Clauses
Exercise 8: Identifying complete and incomplete ideas
Based on Shannon Brownlee, “It’s portion distortion that makes
America fat”
Exercise 9: Identifying Main and Subordinate Clauses
Based on David Barboza, “If You Pitch It, They Will Eat”
Exercise 10: Identifying Clauses, Subjects, and Verbs in Text
Based on Shannon Brownlee, “It’s portion distortion that
makes America fat”
1.4 Student Writing
Exercise 11: Editing sentences for missing subjects,
verbs and connecting words
Based on a Student Essay on Fast Food
Exercise 12: Editing your guided composition
Exercise 13: Editing your own writing
Answer Key
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Contents
Chapter 2: Sentence Problems: Run-ons and Fragments
Based on Steven Greenhouse, “Going for the Look”
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Chapter Focus: Common Sentence Problems
Exercise 1: Guided composition Activity
2.1 Run-on Sentences
Exercise 2: Correcting run-on Sentences
Pronoun Subjects and Run-on Sentences
Exercise 3: Correcting run-on sentences with pronoun subjects
2.2 Student Writing
Exercise 4: Editing run-on sentences in student writing
Based on student essay on “Going for the Look”
2.3 Correcting Sentence Fragments
Subordinate Clause Fragments
Exercise 5: Correcting subordinate clause fragments
“-ing” Fragments and “to” Fragments
Exercise 6: Correcting “-ing” fragments and “to” fragments
Added Detail Fragments
Exercise 7: Correcting added detail fragments
Missing Subject Fragments
Exercise 8: Correcting missing subject fragments
2.4 Student Writing
Exercise 9: Correcting run-ons and fragments in student writing
Based on student essay on “Going for the Look”
Exercise 10: Editing your guided composition
Exercise 11: Editing your own writing
Answer Key
Chapter 3: Noun Forms and Subject—Verb Agreement
Based on “The Rhetoric of the Op-Ed Page”
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Chapter Focus: Forming Nouns and Making them Agree with Verbs
Exercise 1: Guided composition activity
Based on John Edlund, “Three Ways to Persuade”
3.1 Nouns
Singular and Plural Forms of Nouns
Exercise 2: Identifying singular and plural nouns
Based on John Edlund, “Three Ways to Persuade”
Exercise 3: Identifying count and non-count nouns
Based on John Edlund, “Three Ways to Persuade”
Nouns and Determiners
Exercise 4: Words that go with singular and plural nouns
Based on Jeremy Rifkin, “A Change of Heart about Animals”
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3.2 Subject—Verb Agreement
Exercise 5: Correcting subject-verb agreement errors
Based on John Edlund, “Three Ways to Persuade”
Exercise 6: Completing sentence with verbs that agree
Based on Jeremy Rifkin, “A Change of Heart about Animals”
Exercise 7: Making verbs agree with subjects in authentic text
Based on “A Change of Heart about Animals: Letters to
the Editor”
3.3 Student Writing
Exercise 8: Editing your guided composition
Exercise 9: Editing your own writing
Answer Key
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Chapter 4: Verbs for Expository Writing
Based on “The Value of Life”
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Chapter Focus: Verbs in Expository Writing
Exercise 1: Guided composition activity
Based on Amanda Ripley, “What is a Life Worth?”
4.1 Identifying Complete Verb Phrases
Complete Verb Phrases
Main Verb Forms
4.2 Time and Tense
The Past Time Frame
The Present Time Frame
Times Frames and Time Markers
Exercise 2: Identifying verbs + subjects and time frames
Based on Amanda Ripley, “What is a Life Worth?”
4.3 Verb Use in Basic Time
Exercise 3: Using basic verb tenses in expository writing
Based on Amanda Ripley, “What is a Life Worth?”
4.4 Use of Perfect Tense Verbs
Exercise 4: Using basic and perfect verb tenses in expository
writing
Based on Lance Armstrong and Sally Jenkins,” It’s Not
About the Bike: My Journey Back to Life”
4.5 Progressive Tenses
Exercise 5: Using verb tenses to express time relationships
4.6 Student Writing
Exercise 6: Editing student writing
Based on a student essay on “The Value of Life”
Exercise 7: Editing your guided composition
Exercise 8: Editing your own writing
Answer Key
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Contents
Chapter 5: Sentence Focus and Defensible Assertions
Based on Bob Herbert, “Racial Profiling”
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Chapter Focus: Using Academic Language to Construct Arguments
Exercise 1: Guided composition activity
5.1 The Passive
Forming the Passive
Exercise 2: Identifying passive verbs
Using Passive Verbs Effectively
Exercise 3: Changing active verbs to passive verbs
5.2 Modals
Forming Verb Phrases with Modals
Phrasal modals
Exercise 4: Identifying modals and their meanings
Exercise 5: Using modals
5.3 Making Assertions that Can Be Supported
Strategies for Making Assertions Defensible
Exercise 6: Revising sentences to make assertions defensible
5.4 Student Writing
Exercise 7: Editing student writing
Based on a student essay on “Racial Profiling”
Exercise 8: Editing your guided composition
Exercise 9: Editing your own writing
Answer Key
Chapter 6: Connecting Ideas in Expository Writing
Based on “Juvenile Justice”
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Chapter Focus: Connecting Ideas in Expository Writing
Exercise 1: Guided composition activity
Based on Adam Liptak, “Supreme Court to Rule on
Executing Young Killers”
6.1 Connecting Ideas Using Coordination
Exercise 2: Identifying coordinating words and logical
relationships
Based on Adam Liptak, “Supreme Court to Rule on
Executing Young Killers”
6.2 Connecting Ideas Using Subordination
Exercise 3: Identifying subordinating words and logical
relationships
Based on Adam Liptak, “Supreme Court to Rule on
Executing Young Killers”
Problems with Subordination
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6.3 Correcting Ideas Using Transitions
Exercise 4: Identifying transitions and logical relationships
Based on Marjie Lundstrom, “Kids are kids—until they
commit crimes”
Exercise 5: Using connecting words to join clauses
Based on Marjie Lundstrom, “Kids are kids—until they
commit crimes”
Exercise 6: Writing sentences using connecting words
Based on Greg Krikorian, “Many kids called unfit for
adult trial”
6.4 Student Writing
Exercise 7: Editing student writing to make logical connections
clear
Based on a student essay on “Juvenile Justice”
Exercise 8: Editing your guided composition
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6.5 Connecting Ideas Using Parallel Structure
Exercise 9: Identifying parallel elements
Based on Paul Thompson, “Startling Finds on Teenage
Brains”
Exercise 10: Editing sentences for parallel structure
Based on Marjie Lundstrom, “Kids are kids—until they
commit crimes”
Exercise 11: Completing sentences with parallel elements
Based on Marjie Lundstrom, “Kids are kids—until they
commit crimes”
6.6 Editing Student Writing
Exercise 12: Editing student writing
Based on a student essay on “Juvenile Justice”
Exercise 13: Editing your own writing
Answer Key
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Chapter 7: Adding Information to Sentences: Adjective Clauses, Participial
Modifiers, Appositives, and Special Punctuation
Based on “The Last Meow”
Chapter Focus: Adding Information to Sentences
Exercise 1: Guided composition activity
Based on “The Last Meow,” Parts 2, 5, and 6
7.1 Adjective Clauses
Exercise 2: Identifying adjective clauses
Based on “The Last Meow,” paragraph 11
Exercise 3: Combining sentences using adjective clauses
Based on “The Last Meow,” paragraphs 21 and 22
7.2 Participial Modifiers
Exercise 4: Identifying participial modifiers
Based on “The Last Meow,” 16 - 25
Exercise 5: Combining sentences using participial modifiers
Based on “The Last Meow,” paragraphs 44 – 46
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7.3 Appositives
Exercise 6: Identifying appositives
Based on “The Last Meow”
Exercise 7: Combining sentences using appositives
Based on “The Last Meow,” paragraphs 16 – 28
7.4 Special Punctuation for Adding Information
Exercise 8: Combining sentences using dashes or colons
Based on “The Last Meow,” paragraphs 16 – 28
7.5 Editing Student Writing
Exercise 9: Editing student writing
Based on a student essay on “The Last Meow”
Exercise 10: Editing your guided composition
Exercise 11: Editing your own writing
Answer Key
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Chapter 8: Writing About What Others Say
Based on Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild
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Chapter Focus: Adding Information to Sentences
Exercise 1: Guided composition activity
Based on Chapter One, “The Alaska Interior,”
pp. 1 -7
8.1 Summary
Identifying the source and the author
Choosing the time frame
Exercise 2: Using the past time frame to summarize Into
the Wild
Exercise 3: Using the present time frame (historical present)
to summarize Into the Wild
Exercise 4: Summarizing part of a chapter
Based on Chapter Eight, “Alaska”
8.2 Paraphrase
Guidelines for paraphrasing
Exercise 5: Paraphrasing a paragraph
Based on the last paragraph of Chapter Eight, “Alaska”
8.3 Quotation
Guidelines for quoting
Exercise 6: Incorporating quotations
Based on Chapter Eight, “Alaska”
8.4 Introducing Quotations
Exercise 7: Verbs to introduce the words of others
Based on Chapter Seventeen, “The Stampede Trail”
8.5 Making the Speaker and the Context Clear
Exercise 8: Making the Speaker and the Context Clear
Based on Chapter 9, “Davis Gulch”
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8.6 Punctuating Quotations
Exercise 9: Punctuating quotations
Based on Chapter Eighteen, “The Stampede Trail”
8.7 Editing Student Writing
Exercise 10: Editing a student essay
Based on a student essay on “Into the Wild”
Exercise 11: Editing your guided composition
Exercise 12: Editing your own writing
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Answer Key
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Appendix—Responding to Student Writing for Editing
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Introduction: Teaching Grammar in the CSU Expository Reading
and Writing Course
In a palazzo in Rome, a painting from the 17th century of seven beautiful women
hangs on the wall. The women represent the elements of a classical education.
Standing side by side are Rhetoric and Grammar. At least since Cicero, rhetoricians
have recognized that the ability to craft effective sentences is a critical part of convincing
an audience of the truth of an argument. The same is true for our students today.
Forming sentences correctly is part of the writer’s ethos. A reader is much less likely to
accept an argument that is filled with run-on sentences, subjects that don’t agree with
their verbs, and spelling and punctuation errors. Even more important is logos. The
logic of an argument is based on the logic of its sentences, and that logic depends to an
important extent on its grammar. The sequence of events is conveyed through the verb
tense system. The nuances of a writer’s position are presented through the use of
active and passive verbs, modals, and qualifying words and phrases. The logical
relationships among ideas are expressed through coordination, subordination, and the
use of transitions and parallel structures. The logic of an argument can be strengthened
by supplying additional information and appeals can be made to pathos through the use
of adjective clauses, participials, appositives, dashes, and colons. Effectively and
accurately integrating the texts of others can strengthen one’s argument using all three
of the rhetorical appeals.
Despite the consensus among classical rhetoricians of the importance of
grammar, the question of whether grammar can be taught has been vigorously debated
over the last two decades. Influential researchers have argued that direct instruction is
misguided at best and that all students need to master the intricacies of a language is
exposure to that language in its written and oral forms. Other research has suggested
that the countless hours that teachers invest in marking student papers for error are
wasted and that student writing does not improve as a consequence. Both positions
have elements of truth, but a consensus is emerging that the acquisition process is not
sufficient to acquire written academic language, particularly for students coming from
homes where English is not spoken and communities where non-standard forms of
English predominate. The high rates of remediation at the university level are testimony
that simply waiting for language acquisition to provide students with proficiency is doing
them a grave disservice. At the same time, practitioners have demonstrated that
addressing sentence level grammar and mechanics in a contextualized and systematic
way does result in students’ gaining greater control over the crucial systems of written
language.
We can view academic English as having three essential components: words,
sentences, and discourse. Students will benefit from instruction in academic vocabulary
and in the writing of paragraphs and essays. Likewise, many will also benefit from
instruction in grammar, the rules by which words and phrases are combined to produce
sentences. This supplement to the Expository Reading and Writing Course (ERWC) is
designed to provide explicit instruction to high school students in these rules. It reflects
the view that students can best learn these rules in the context of the texts which they
themselves are reading and writing about. Each chapter begins with activities to help
students identify the structures in the context of the readings that they have done for the
particular assignment in the ERWC. Students then apply the rules in exercises based
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Introduction
on the texts and in an editing exercise based on student writing (except for Chapters 4,
7, and 8). Finally, they use the rules to edit the essay that they have written for the
assignment.
These chapters are designed to be taught in tandem with the first eight
chapters—the first semester—of the ERWC. Unlike many grammar texts, this
supplement begins with the clauses, the subjects, and the verbs with which they are
constructed. As the title, “Sentence Fundamentals for Expressing Ideas,” suggests,
teaching students to identify clauses, subjects, and verbs is the basis for everything else
that follows. By beginning there, students have a semester to master identifying these
crucial elements and will practice identifying and using these components throughout the
rest of the chapters. Chapters 2 and 3 focus on sentences that go wrong—fragments
and run-ons—and problems with subjects and verbs. They give students additional
practice in identification while addressing several vexing areas that most novice writers
struggle with. Chapter 4 on verbs assumes that students can identify verb phrases
correctly and focuses on the use of verbs in discourse. Chapter 5 builds on the use of
verbs in expository writing by looking at the purposes that writers have for using
passives and modals and provides practice with other ways in which writers qualify their
assertions. Chapter 6 returns to clauses and gives students practice in joining clauses
to communicate logical relationships. In the next chapter, students see how adjective
clauses can be reduced to participial modifiers and appositives to add information to
sentences. The final chapter provides students with practice in the grammatical forms
that enable them to report and integrate the ideas of others in their own writing. As
students practice grammatical forms in all these chapters, they learn and apply the
punctuation rules required by the context of the forms and the purposes for which they
are being used.
Teachers can integrate these chapters and their exercises into the ERWC
assignments. In that way, students will receive grammar instruction in small doses in the
context of the topics they are reading and discussing. They will conclude by applying
what they learned to editing their own writing, thus maintaining a close connection
between the rules they are learning and their own rhetorical purposes. The intention is
that students will do most of the exercises in class—individually, in pairs, or in small
groups—in order to reduce the teacher’s paper load and to ensure that feedback is
immediate. In order to maximize learning, teachers need to talk through the topics,
model the response to the example sentences in each exercise, and debrief students
after they have done the exercises. Because these chapters are completely based on
the readings in the ERWC assignments, they must be taught in conjunction with those
assignments. In other words, Chapter 2: Sentence Problems: Run-ons and Fragments
must be taught while students are doing the “Going for the Look” assignment because it
assumes that students have carefully read the reading for that assignment, are familiar
with the academic vocabulary, and are comfortable writing about the ideas.
Although the chapters must accompany the relevant ERWC assignments, not
every student will benefit equally from the topics in every chapter. California high
schools serve diverse populations, as anyone who has recently set foot in a high school
can testify. Classrooms can primarily serve high-performing students who have an
accomplished grasp of academic English. They can serve students who are fluent in
spoken English but who are poor readers and lack proficiency in written academic
English. They can serve students who come from communities where nearly everyone
uses a non-standard dialect of English. Many high school students these days began
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Introduction
school not speaking English at all. Most of these students, frequently identified as
Generation 1.5, learned English on the playground, picking it up with little if any formal
instruction in how the language works. Or if they received special language instruction,
it was in kindergarten and the primary grades. They often were mainstreamed before
literacy demands for the written language dramatically rose in the later grades of
elementary school and, thus, received no specialized instruction in academic English.
Their oral fluency often masked their lack of knowledge of how the written language
functioned. Other English learners arrived later in school and had to learn the language
at the same time they were trying to cope with the more advanced curriculum of the
higher grades. Often a single classroom holds students from all these groups. It is
essential that teachers using these materials select the topics for their particular
populations based on diagnosing their particular needs. For example, Chapter 4 deals
with verbs and is especially important for Asian students who have first languages that
do not use verb tenses to indicate time. Chapter 5, which deals with qualification, is
helpful for basic writers of all backgrounds who lack familiarity with written academic
language. Spanish speakers will benefit from Chapter 6 since Spanish joins clauses
differently than English does.
The focus of these materials is on the grammatical rules that students need to
edit their own writing. Unlike spoken language, written language allows time to apply
rules when students know they are accountable for identifying and correcting their
errors. However, trying to apply rules can tie the tongue when speaking, and it can do
the equivalent in writing if done too early in the writing process. Therefore, it’s essential
that students postpone the editing process until after they have created a draft that
expresses their ideas to the best of their ability. At that point, they need to know that
editing is an important way to clarify and refine those ideas further. Assigning a
separate draft for editing after students have revised their essay for meaning is helpful,
particularly for students who make lots of sentence-level errors.
An important assumption underlying these chapters is that students is that the
only grammatical rules that make sense to teach are ones that are “portable. The rules
governing English syntax are numerous and complex. However, students cannot
remember and need not know all those rules. Twenty-nine rules apply to the use of
articles in English. Expecting students to learn and apply those rules is unrealistic.
Mastering a handful of rules will enable students to edit the most serious and pervasive
errors in their writing. Learning more than that is a waste of their time and their teachers’
effort. Other aspects of English are not governed by rules at all, or the rules are so
complex that only linguists can understand them. Those aspects, such as idioms, word
choice, and the use of infinitives and participles following verbs, are best regarded as
vocabulary issues. Students need simply to keep lists and memorize the ones they use
most often. Rules won’t help.
Another consideration underlying these chapters is the need to address content
standards. The English-Language Arts Content Standards for California Public Schools:
Kindergarten Through Grade Twelve and the Composing Skills section of the California
State University English Placement Test both assess students’ knowledge of
grammatical rules and conventions and their ability to construct effective sentences.
The 11th and 12 grade standards under the rubric of Written and Oral English-Language
Conventions are very general:
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Introduction
1.1
1.2
Demonstrate control grammar, diction, and paragraph and sentence
structure and an understanding of English usage.
Produce legible work that shows accurate spelling and correct
punctuation and capitalization.
In other words, by 12th grades students should have mastery of written academic
language. However, when regularly admissible students in the upper one-third of their
graduating classes take the English Placement Test for the CSU, approximately half of
them demonstrate that they lack that mastery. These materials attempt to address the
prerequisite standards as early as 4th grade where two standards specify the following:
1.2
1.4
Combine short, related sentences with appositives, participial phrases,
adjectives, adverbs, and prepositional phrases.
Use parentheses, commas in direct quotations, and apostrophes in the
possessive case of nouns and in contractions.
Students often enroll in college writing classes apparently innocent of any knowledge of
these topics. It appears that in the efforts to meet other standards, these may have
been given short shrift. It’s also possible that lacking systematic, contextualized
instruction and accurate feedback, students simply did not learn these skills. Or they
learned them in the grade where the skills received focused attention, but without
consistent reinforcement in later grades, students quickly forgot what they had learned.
Whatever the cause, it is safe to assume that many 11th and 12th graders will benefit
from renewed instruction—in the most principled way possible—so that when they enter
college or go to jobs, these tools that writers depend upon are fresh in their minds.
The ultimate goal of using these materials to teach students key grammatical
concepts and conventions of written English is to make them independent editors of their
own writing. The classroom is a supportive environment where students can receive
help in identifying their errors and practice crafting sentences in safety. Once they leave
the classroom, employers and college faculty will be much less tolerant. Students need
explicit instruction in grammar and usage; the time for “picking up” the rules through
exposure to written texts has run out by 12th grade. The first semester of the ERWC is
the perfect time to do this. The second semester then becomes the place where
students can be held accountable for applying independently what they have learned but
with mini-lessons and feedback to guide them as needed. That way, when they leave
high school, they will not only be able to read critically and construct persuasive
arguments but also polish their writing at the sentence level so it communicates as
effectively as possible.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
All good teaching rests on the work of teachers who have come before.
However, in the case of this supplement to the Expository Reading and Writing
Curriculum, my debt to other teachers is especially large. I would first like to
acknowledge the contribution of the teachers in my own department, the Learning Skills
Center at California State University, Sacramento. They have tirelessly created
materials to meet the evolving needs of underprepared California students commencing
a university education. I would especially like to thank Darlene Jantz and Shelagh
Nugent for their generosity in sharing their ideas and materials. I would also like to
thank Patricia Porter and Deborah vanDommelen whose book, Read, Write, Edit:
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Grammar for College Writers exemplifies the philosophy of teaching grammar in the
service of writing and was a model and a resource for my efforts. I would like to thank
Nancy Brynelson of the CSU Chancellor’s Office who encouraged me to undertake this
project and likewise to thank my fellow members of the 12th Grade Expository Reading
and Writing Task Force for their support. I would particularly like to thank the high
school teachers who have used the ERWC assignments and who asked for materials
designed to help the students in their classes who are struggling to master the intricacies
of academic English. Their feedback and the many samples of student writing that they
gathered have formed the basis for my work. Finally, I would like to conclude by
admitting that although I have received inspiration and encouragement from many
sources, the errors that undoubtedly remain in these materials are entirely of my own
doing.
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Guidelines for Teachers
For grammar instruction to be worthwhile, you must make strategic decisions
about what to teach and how to teach it. The first decision is which grammar topics to
cover. Since students have to read the readings that accompany a particular
assignment before or during the time they are moving through the linked grammar
chapter, the sequence will be determined to some extent by the assignments the class is
doing. At the same time, not all classes will benefit from all the chapters. You will need
to make judgments about your students’ grammatical competence. A classroom of
students with less grammatical competence will benefit most from the early chapters that
focus on sentence structure, noun forms and subject-verb agreement, sentence
boundaries, and verbs. Students with higher levels of competence will benefit from the
later chapters which explore more deeply the interface between grammar and rhetoric:
ways in which writers qualify their assertions, ways in which they logically connect their
ideas, ways in which they add information to sentences, and ways in which they
incorporate the text of others into their writing.
Identifying Grammar Topics for a Class
Early in the semester ask students to write and analyze the types of errors that
are typical for the class as a whole. For example, the sample of student writing below is
characterized by a pattern of verb errors and run-on sentences.
Patterns of Error: verb endings (verb); run-on sentences (sent).
verb
sent.
Parents are the ones to be blamed for the obesity crisis that exist in the U.S. the
very popular saying “monkey see monkey do,” can be very helpful to understanding how
important it is for parents to be good roles models when it comes to a healthy lifestyle.
sent.
When children are born, they do not ask for a Happy Meal, they are exposed to the
noun
growing world of fast food industries* through their parents. Parents are the ones who
should be responsible for whether or not their children are healthy. Moreover, the eating
verb
habits that they children are accustom to are simply what the parents buy them. When
children are young, they cannot afford Happy Meals at McDonalds. The parents are the
punct.
verb
ones who buy fast food for their kids so why should the fast food industries be blame for
verb
punct.
their lack of personal responsibility when it come to their children’s health.
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Guidelines for Teachers
If these are typical errors for most of the the class, then you might choose to focus on
identifying subjects, verbs, and clauses (Chapter 1: Sentence Fundamental for
Expressing Ideas), repairing run-on sentences (Chapter 2: Sentence Problems: Runons and Fragments), and verbs (Chapter 4 (Verbs for Expository Writing). Even within a
chapter, some preliminary activities may be unnecessary for students with a good
foundation while the application activities may be beneficial even for fairly advanced
students.
General criteria for deciding which grammatical errors merit spending class time
on include deciding how frequent the errors are, how serious they are, and how
teachable the grammar points are. Preposition errors may occur through out a piece of
student writing, but prepositions are not teachable. They are lexical items that must be
learned in connection with the other words that regularly go with them. (We say, “I rode
in the car, but I flew on the plane.”) No rule explains why one form of transportation
requires the preposition “in” while a different one requires “on.” Furthermore,
dictionaries seldom provide a clue whether a student looks up the word “in” or the word
“ride.” The best strategy is to treat the whole cluster of words (“to ride in) as a
vocabulary item and ask students to keep of log to assist them in learning them. They
can also refer to the log when they are editing since a relatively small number of
preposition errors is likely to crop up in their writing repeatedly. On the other hand, if
students regularly have problems with run-ons and fragments, that is an area of
grammar that is controlled by a limited number of teachable rules. Teaching about
clause structure and how to join clauses so that they form complete sentences is both
practical and likely to result in concrete improvement in student writing.
Deciding How to Use the Materials
Once a teacher has determined what topics to focus on, the next decision is how
to use the grammar materials. The best way to keep grammar instruction from being
sterile and boring is to go over the explanations in class in the form of “mini-lessons,”
and then ask students to work on the activities in pairs or small groups. The most
important learning will occur as students articulate their understanding of the rules in
their own words and negotiate the answers among themselves and in consultation with
their teacher. In fact, some teachers ask students to keep notecards on which they write
their own versions of rules. They can then use the cards as their own reference guide.
Approaching grammar in this way has multiple benefits. “Mini-lessons” of
perhaps ten minutes are brief enough not to become boring. They also ensure that
instruction is spaced so students have time to process the new information. Following
up immediately with an activity enables students to cement what they have learned and
clarify any confusion immediately. At the end of the day you can walk out of the
classroom without a stack of grammar exercises to correct, and your students will learn
not to associate grammar with red check marks and grades in a grade book.
This is not to say that students should not be held accountable for learning, but
the accountability comes when they edit their own writing. To ensure that the learning
transfers to students’ writing, you will need to give focused feedback by identifying and
labeling students’ errors using labels such as the ones below:
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Guidelines for Teachers
Labels for Editing
noun
All errors in formation of nouns; plurals and singulars
verb
All errors of verb form (endings) and verb tense
s-v agree
Subject-verb agreement
run-on
Run-on sentence or comma splice
frag.
Sentence fragment
punct.
Punctuation error
sp.
Spelling error
sent.
Sentence error—error in the way clauses are formed and joined.
Students need to have their sentence-level errors labeled in order for them to learn to
identify their own errors. Using a minimum number of labels makes it easier for students
to remember what the lables mean and also speeds up your job of marking. Using labels
such as these consistently as you mark your students’ writing will help them locate their
errors and understand that individual errors are often part of a larger pattern of error that
they can and should master. Once a topic has been covered, you can continue to hold
your students responsible for correcting the error during the editing phase of writing.
The final grade on the paper, after revision and editing, should reflect not only global
issues such as content and organization but also control of grammar and conventions.
Over the semester, you goal is to gradually make students independent editors of their
own writing, perhaps first by marking in the text but not labeling, later by marking with a
check in the margin, and finally by requiring students themselves to identify and correct
the error without teacher assistance.
Separating the revision and editing processes is helpful for developing writers.
That way, they can focus on developing their argument, figuring out how best to support
it, and finding the best way to organize it without worrying about sentence-level grammar
and conventions, and you can respond to those concerns without stopping to label the
errors. Then on a second draft, you and the writer can focus on sentence-level
problems. This two-step process also sends a clear message to students that the first
and most important phase of writing is finding out what they want to say. Once the first
draft is written, then it is time to focus on the individual sentences to make sure they
express the writer’s ideas in the best possible way. That’s the time for editing.
Developing New Grammar Activities
If your students need instruction in sentence boundaries, but instead of teaching
“Going for the Look,” you want to teach an article from a recent news magazine or a
short story from your literature text, you create grammar activities that are modeled on
the ones I created. Not all texts, however, work equally well in every situation. For
example, a fairly informal opinion piece might lend itself to teaching modals and other
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Guidelines for Teachers
qualifying methods because the writer is likely to make assertions and
recommendations. A more literary reflective essay might be better suited to teaching
ways of incorporating information in sentences. A text written primarily in the present
tense works well to teach subject-verb agreement while a text that narrates an event in
the past and makes observations about that event can be used to give students practice
in choosing correct verb tenses and identifying time markers.
One of the richest sources of text for teachers to use to develop grammar
activities is the writing of their own students. Again, some advice. Once you have
decided on your focus, don’t look for texts that contain a lot of that type of error. Instead,
choose an essay that is particularly interesting or particularly well written so that it will be
a model for your students of good writing. Then create activities like a cloze passage
(where words are deleted and students need to fill in the correct form), or a sentence
boundary activity where you remove the end punctuation and ask students to fill it in. If
errors do occur in the text, correct them so that other students aren’t inadvertently
learning incorrect forms.
Sentence correction activities based on students’ own writing are useful also, but
choose ten sentences from ten different essays rather than ten from one essay, or select
short paragraphs from several essays. That way no students will feel singled out.
Again, correct any errors except for the error type you are teaching; this is not the place
to worry about student ownership of their own writing. Instead, your goal is for students
to focus on a particular kind of error and how it can best be edited, not to be distracted
by a variety of errors for which you may not have a ready explanation. Once you’ve
created the sentences, ask students to work in groups or as a class to edit them. You
will be delighted by the level of their engagement when they know that they are working
on their own and their classmates’ sentences.
Ends and Means
The goal of the grammar instruction provided in these materials is to demystify
how good writers create effective sentences to communicate ideas that matter to them.
But it’s important never to lose sight of the larger goal of the ERWC materials which is to
prepare students to be fluent readers and writers and critical thinkers. The ability to edit
is a component in this process, but it is not the most important component and should
never dominate the classroom. However, it is a tool that students need to have so that
their readers will take their ideas seriously, and we owe it to them to make sure they
leave our classes with that tool in their hands.
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Chapter 1: Sentence Fundamentals for Expressing Ideas
“Fast Food”
Chapter Focus: Sentence Fundamentals
In writing academic essays, the goal of writers is to construct sentences that
communicate their message clearly. They try to focus their readers’ attention on the
important ideas and convey information efficiently and effectively. The focus of this
chapter is on identifying the main elements of sentences: verbs, subjects, and clauses.
You will be looking for these sentence elements in the context of the readings that make
up the “Fast Food” assignment.
Exercise 1: Guided Composition Activity
Based on David Zinczenko, “Don’t Blame the Eater”
Teaching Focus: The purpose of this Guided Composition activity is to elicit a paragraph
of student writing on the topic of “Fast Food.” Using these paragraphs, teachers can
informally diagnose students’ strengths and weaknesses in the area of sentence
construction. At the end of the unit, students will edit their paragraphs, applying what
they have learned during the “Sentence Fundamentals” unit. They will then compare
their paragraphs with the original, paying particular attention to verbs, subjects, and
sentence structure.
Directions to the teacher:
(1) Ask students to take out a blank sheet of paper.
(2) Instruct students to listen as you read the following paragraph at a normal rate of
speed. Then ask students to take notes while you read the paragraph again;
emphasize that the notes will be essential when they go to write their paragraph.
Alternately, write a series of key words or phrases on the board to guide
students.
(3) Ask them to reconstruct what they heard using their notes or the key words.
Students should compare what they have written with each other and make
changes as necessary.
(4) Collect the paragraphs at the end of the activity and save them. You will return
them to your students to edit at the end of the chapter.
Kids are suing McDonald’s for making them fat. People should take personal
responsibility for their weight, but fast food restaurants are often the only available option
for an affordable meal. Because more children are obese, Type-2 diabetes has
increased in children by 25%. It’s hard to find someplace to buy a grapefruit although
McDonald’s is on every corner. We also lack information about what we are consuming.
Some fast-food restaurants provide calorie information, but even that information can be
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hard to understand. The fast food industry is vulnerable. It is marketing products that
are hazardous, yet no labels warn customers of the danger. If we don’t take action, we
are going to see more sick, obese kids and more angry parents.
1.1 Finding Complete Verbs in Sentences
Every sentence in English must have at least one verb and one subject. If you can
identify the verb of the sentence first, it will be much easier to find the subject of the
sentence. The verb in a sentence is always related to the subject. The subject usually
appears in front of the verb. Since the verb expresses what the subject does or is,
verbs either express:
•
ACTION (eat, stop, help, buy, make, do, gain, succeed)
or
•
STATE OF BEING (am/is/are/were, become, seem, look, appear, taste,
sound, remain, etc.)
•
MENTAL STATES (know, think, feel, remember, believe etc.)
If a verb consists of only one word, it automatically is the “main verb.” However,
sometimes the main verb has “helping verbs” that go along with it and, together with
the main verb, they make up the “complete verb phrase.” It is possible to have more
than one helping verb, so the verb phrase can be 4-5 words long.
Main verb (if alone) = the COMPLETE VERB
helping/modal verbs + Main Verb = the COMPLETE VERB PHRASE
Helping verbs are words like:
have/has
do/does/did
“be” = am, is, are, was, were
Modal verbs are words like:
will
could
may
would
might
should
can
be going to
ought to
have to
(See Chapter 5 for a more detailed discussion and practice with modals.)
Main verb: I exercise one hour every day.
(There is only one action verb in this sentence, so exercise is the complete verb.)
One helping/modal verb + main verb: I should exercise one hour every day.
(Should is a helping verb, and exercise is the main verb. Together they make up the
complete verb phrase.)
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Three helping/modal verbs + main verb: I should have been exercising one hour
every day.
(Should is a modal verb, have and been are helping verbs that go with the main verb,
exercising. Thus,“should have been exercising” is the complete verb phrase.)
The verb usually comes after the subject, but when the sentence is a question, the
subject follows the verb or is inside the verb phrase. When the sentence is a command,
the subject is understood to be “you,” but only the verb appears in the sentence.
Statement:
Kids are consuming too many calories.
(Are consuming is the verb phrase; kids is the subject and comes before the verb.)
Question:
Are kids consuming too many calories?
(The verb phrase is still are consuming, but now the subject comes after the first word of
the phrase).
Negative Question: Aren’t kids consuming too many calories?
(In this negative question, are consuming is still the verb phrase. The contraction -n’t
meaning “not” is attached to the verb but is not part of the verb phrase.)
Command:
Be responsible! Consume fewer calories.
(The subject is understood to be you, but it is not written. The writer is ordering you to be
responsible and to consume fewer calories. The verbs are be and consume.
Verbs that Act as Nouns and Verb Complements
In addition to the words that make up the main verb phrase, sentences can contain
verbs that act as nouns and verbs that follow the main verb and are its complement.
Verb complements have several different patterns. Different verbs are followed by
different patterns so you have to memorize them.
--ing form of verb as (1) subject or (2) object of a preposition:
(1) Eating often at fast food restaurants can lead to obesity.
(Eating functions as a noun and is the subject of the sentence. It answers the question,
“What can lead to obesity?” Words with –ing endings can also be part of a main verb
phrase: I have been eating in fast food restaurants for years.)
(2) The consequence (of eating) regularly at fast food restaurants can be
unwanted extra pounds.
(Eating functions as a noun and is the object of the preposition “of.”)
--verb patterns as complements to the main verb:
main verb + -ing verb
Americans continue eating hamburgers even though fast food is bad for them.
(In this sentence the gerund eating is the complement of the main verb continue.)
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main verb + to + simple verb
Americans need to eat fewer hamburgers and more grapefruit.
(To eat is an infinitive. It functions as a noun and is the object of the main verb need.
You can see that “to eat” is a noun by comparing it with the sentence “I need a
hamburger.” In both sentences, a noun answers the question, “What do I need?” The
pattern is main verb + to + simple verb.)
main verb + noun/pronoun + simple verb
Negative publicity is making the fast food industry change its ways.
(Change is the complement to the main verb is making. The pattern is main verb + noun
+ simple verb.)
Exercise 2: Identifying verbs and verb phrases
Based on David Zinczenko, “Don’t Blame the Eater”
Directions: Double underline the verbs and verb phrases in the following sentences.
Remember that a verb phrase can have several words.
1. Kids started suing McDonalds for making them fat.
2. I was a typical mid-1980’s latchkey kid.
3. My mom always worked long hours to make the monthly bills.
4. Fast food restaurants were the only options for an American kid to get an affordable
meal.
5. Then I got lucky.
6. But many kids have crossed under the golden arches to a lifetime of obesity.
7. Shouldn’t we know better than to eat everyday at fast-food restaurants?
8. There are no calorie charts on fast food wrappers.
9. The fast food industry needs to provide nutritional information to their customers.
10. Without these warnings, we’ll see more sick children and angry parents.
Exercise 3: Identifying compound verbs and verb phrases
Based on David Barboza, “If You Pitch It, They Will Eat”
Directions: Double underline the verbs and verb phrases in the following sentences and
circle the coordinating word. Each sentence has a compound verb which is two or more
verbs joined by a coordinating word such as “and,” “but,” or “or.”
1. Fast food corporations own thousands of restaurants and put their trademarks on
dolls, games, and even theme parks.
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2. Nutritionists call fast food advertising a blitzkrieg and fear its contribution to childhood
obesity.
3. Big food makers are finding every possible way to advertise and are spending more
on advertising than ever.
4. They have used television for years but now are using movies, video games, and the
Internet.
5. Lawyers do not think these marketing campaigns are harmless and are threatening
Lawsuits.
6. Legislators want to lock fast food out of school cafeterias and are even considering a
complete ban on advertising food to children.
1.2 Finding Subjects of Sentences
It is easier to recognize the subject/s of the sentence when you have found the verb first.
The subject of the sentence usually
• occurs before the verb.
• tells who or what does the action or expresses the state of being or state
of mind.
What are the subjects in the following sentences?
Examples:
Fast food marketing has existed for a long time.
(The complete verb phrase is has existed. What has existed? Marketing, so marketing is
the subject of the sentence.)
The use of electronic media has transformed fast food advertising.
(The complete verb phrase is has transformed. What has transformed advertising? The
use (of electronic media). Use is the subject of the sentence.)
Are fast food restaurants using the internet to attract customers?
(The complete verb phrase is are using. Because this sentence is a question, the subject
comes after the first word of the verb phrase. Who or what are using the internet?
Restaurants, so restaurants is the subject.)
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Pronouns as Subjects
Pronouns are words that replace nouns. Pronouns that can be subjects are: I, you, he,
she, it, we, and they.
Restaurants use marketing to increase their profits. They compete to make their
food appeal to customers.
(Restaurants is the subjects of the first sentence. They is a pronoun that replaces restaurants
in the second sentence. We already know that we are talking about restaurants, so we don’t
need to repeat the noun.)
Exercise 4: Identifying subjects of sentences
Based on David Zinczenko, “Don’t Blame the Eater”
Directions: Go back to Exercise 2. You have already identified the verbs and verb
phrases in the sentences. Now underline the nouns or pronouns that are the subjects of
those verbs.
1. Kids started suing McDonalds for making them fat.
Compound Subjects
Even a simple sentence can have more than one subject and more than one verb.
When two subjects are joined by a coordinating word (usually “and” or “or), we call them
a compound subject.
What are the subjects in the following sentences?
1. Legislators and other critics want to reduce food advertisements aimed at
children.
(Who wants to reduce food advertisements? Legislators and other critics, so legislators and
critics together make up the compound subject of this sentence.)
2. Movies, games, and school tie-ins are all used to market fast food.
(What are used? Movies, grades, and school tie-ins are the compound subject of this
sentence.)
Exercise 5: Identifying Compound Subjects
Based on David Barboza, “If You Pitch It, They Will Eat”
Directions: Double underline the verbs and verb phrases in the following sentences.
Then underline the subjects. Each sentence has a compound subject.
1. At one time a small hamburger and a bag of fries seemed like a full meal.
2. Oversized meals and oversized appetites are the result of consumer manipulation.
3. Fast food advertising and low prices induce many of us to overeat.
4. Young, single males and other people like them accounted for 70% of sales at fast
food restaurants.
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5. Twenty years ago, fast food executives and marketing experts decided to focus on
these “heavy users.”
6. More food and cheaper prices increased profits.
Eliminating Nouns that are Not Subjects
In some sentences nouns in prepositional phrases can be confused with subjects. For
this reason, it is easier to identify nouns that are subjects if you first identify the
prepositional phrases in sentences by putting parentheses ( ) around them. Remember
that a prepositional phrase may contain one or more nouns or pronouns.
School districts (in New York and Los Angeles) have banned the sale (of sugary
beverages and snacks) (in school vending machines).
(In and of are prepositions. The nouns that follow them cannot be subjects of the sentence.
Once these possibilities have been eliminated, it is easy to see that school districts is the
subject of this sentence.
CHART 1. 2
A LIST OF COMMON PREPOSITIONS
One Word Prepositions
about
before
down
off
above
behind
during
on
across
below
for
out
after
beneath
from
over
against
beside(s)
in
since
along
between
into
through
among
beyond
like
throughtout
around
by
near
till
at
despite
of
to
Two-word and Three-word Prepositions
according to
as many as
because of
in place of
across from
as much as
by means of
in spite of
along with
as well as
due to
on account of
apart from
aside from
in addition to
subsequent to
toward(s)
under
until
up
upon
with
within
without
such as
together with
instead of
on top of
(Note: When “to” is followed by a verb, it is an infinitive. Do not confuse infinitives with
prepositional phrases. For example, in the sentence, “The schools decided to ban
sodas.” the phrase “to ban” is an infinitive, not a prepositional phrase.)
Exercise 6: Identifying verbs, subjects, and prepositional phrases
Based on David Barboza, “If You Pitch It, They Will Eat”
Directions: Review the list of common prepositions in Chart 1.2. Then put parentheses
( ) around the prepositional phrases in the following sentences. Next double underline
the verbs and finally underline the subjects. Remember that –ing verbs can act as
nouns in prepositional phrases.
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1. Children are introduced early (in life) (to brand-name food) (in toy stores) and (at
school).
2. Soft drink companies have “pouring rights” in hundreds of schools throughout the
country.
3. In their defense, companies say they are not pouring their products down children’s
throats.
4. More than 30 bills before state legislatures around the country will ban certain snacks
and beverages from school vending machines.
5. Television, of course, remains the most powerful medium for selling to children.
6. The characters in children’s TV shows provide entertainment and promote products
at the same time.
7. The programs have become advertising for the food, and the food has become
advertising for the programs.
Tip for Writers:
The subject of a sentence is the focus of the sentence. Writers choose where they want their
readers to focus, in part, by choosing what noun or pronoun to use as the subject. When the
most important noun or pronoun in the sentence is not the subject, the writer is less able to
communicate the importance of the idea. Choosing a different noun or pronoun to be the subject
is one way that writers can improve a sentence and get their message across more effectively to
a reader.
Original sentence: Entertainment is provided and products are promoted at the same time by the
characters in children’s TV shows.
Improved sentence: The characters in children’s TV shows provide entertainment and promote
products at the same time.
(The focus is on the characters in TV shows and how they are used to sell products. That focus
is lost when entertainment and products are the subject and characters is placed in a
prepositional phrase. See Chapter 5 for more on passive verbs and sentence focus.)
Sometimes writers create incomplete sentences—fragments—because the most important noun
or pronoun is in a prepositional phrase, and there is no other noun that serves as the subject.
Make sure the word that is the focus of your sentence is also the subject.
Fragment: By the characters in children’s TV shows provide entertainment and promote
products.
Complete sentence: The characters in children’s TV shows provide entertainment and promote
products at the same time.
(See Chapter 2 for more on sentence fragments and complete sentences.)
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Exercise 7: More practice identifying subjects and verbs
Based on the guided composition in Exercise 1.
Directions: Double underline the verbs and underline the subjects in the following
sentences.
1. Kids are suing McDonald’s for making them fat.
2. People should take personal responsibility for their weight, but fast food restaurants
are often the only available option for an affordable meal.
3. Because more children are obese, Type-2 diabetes has increased in children by
25%.
4. It’s hard to find someplace to buy a grapefruit although McDonald’s is on every
corner.
5. We also lack information about what we are consuming.
6. Some fast-food restaurants provide calorie information, but even that information can
be hard to understand.
7. The fast food industry is vulnerable.
8. It is marketing products that are hazardous, yet no labels warn customers of the
danger.
9. If we don’t take action, we are going to see more sick, obese kids and more angry
parents.
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1.3 Recognizing Complete Ideas—Sentences and Clauses
The following sentences aren’t really sentences because they are missing an essential
element, either the subject or the verb. Therefore, they don’t express complete ideas.
What is wrong with each one?
Incomplete sentences
1. Filed lawsuits against fast food makers.
No subject
No verb
(Who filed the lawsuits?)
2. The folks in the fast food industry.
(What did the folks do?)
3. By a core group of heavy users.
(What was done?)
4. Having absolutely no interest in cooking for
themselves.
(Who had no interest? What did they do?)
5. Streamlining food production.
(Streamlining does what?)
Clauses
TWO TYPES OF CLAUSES: EACH has a subject and a verb
MAIN CLAUSE
SUBORDINATE CLAUSE
* can stand alone as a sentence
*is a fragment; cannot stand alone as a
sentence
*expresses a complete thought
*does NOT express a complete thought
(needs to be completed)
*must be attached to an main clause
*begins with a “subordinate word”
(words like when, although, since, etc.)
*does not need any additional clauses
*does NOT begin with a “subordinate word”
“Coordinating Words” are:
and
but
for
so
yet
or
nor
Clauses that are joined by a coordinating word are of equal importance. When two
people coordinate a project, they both work equally hard. When two main clauses are
coordinated, the two clauses work equally hard in the sentence.
main clause
main clause
[Fast food companies are focused on profits], and [they are continually trying to
find new ways to attract more customers.]
(Each of the clauses expresses a complete idea and could be a separate sentence, so
they are main clauses. They are joined by the coordinating word “and” to show that they
are of equal importance.)
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“Subordinating Words” are words like:
because
if
since
unless
when
while
whenever
before
even though
where
although
as . . . as
though
who
which
that
whose
whom
Subordinate means someone or something in a less important job or position. A clerk in
an office is a subordinate of the CEO of the company. A clause that is joined to a main
clause by a subordinate word is in a lesser position than the main clause because its
meaning is incomplete without the main clause.
main clause
[Some critics have recommended banning fast food from schools]
subordinate clause
[because it probably contributes to the obesity epidemic.]
(The first clause expresses a complete idea , but the idea in the second clause is
incomplete. It is introduced by a subordinating word “because,” so we call it a
subordinate clause.)
A sentence is the basic unit of written language. It has a subject and a verb. Sentences
are made up of clauses.
Main clause: Schools should stop selling sodas.
Two or more main clauses connected with a coordinating word: Schools should stop
selling sodas, but we should also teach children how to take responsibility for what they
eat.
One or more subordinate clauses may be connected to a main clause using
subordinating words: Although schools should stop selling sodas, parents have the
primary responsibility for making sure their children eat healthy food.
Parents have the primary responsibility to make sure that their children eat healthy food.
The ways in which writers combine clauses to form sentences enable them to express
the logical relationships between the ideas that the clauses express.
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Exercise 8: Identifying complete and incomplete ideas
Based on Shannon Brownlee, “It’s portion distortion that makes America fat”
Directions: Write “Main” if the clause is a sentence that expresses a complete idea.
Write "Sub" for “” for “Subordinate” if the clause is a fragment that is not a complete
sentence and does not express a complete idea. Refer to the list of words above and
circle the subordinate words.
_____1. Cheap food induced customers to eat more.
_____2. When fast food restaurants cut prices.
_____3. While they saw an increase in customers.
_____4. Where young men ate most of their meals.
_____5. Afterward, they discovered super-sizing.
_____6. But price competition had grown so fierce.
_____7. Soda costs less to produce than any drink except tap water.
_____8. Since a super-size meal provides 1,550 calories.
_____9. As much as an adult man should consume in a day.
_____10. If you put more food in front of people.
_____11. Where does it end?
_____12. The obvious direction is down.
Exercise 9: Identifying main and subordinate clauses
Based on David Barboza, “If You Pitch It, They Will Eat”
Directions: The following sentences have more than one clause. Put brackets[ ] around
the clauses and label each clause: Sub = subordinate clause; Main = main clause.
Circle the coordinating and subordinating words. Then underline the complete verb/s in
each clause twice and subjects once.
Sub
Main
1. [Because McDonald’s wants to be everywhere], it has plastered its golden arches on
Barbie dolls and video games.
(This is a complex sentence, made up of one subordinate clause and one main clause.
“Because” is a subordinating word.)
2. [McDonald’s calls this brand extension], but [nutritionists call it a blitzkrieg].
(This is a compound sentence. It is two main clauses joined by “but.” “But” is a
coordinating word.)
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3. While companies view product tie-ins as harmless, lawyers are threatening law suits.
4. The problem of obesity is so staggering that we have to do something.
5. The vast majority is junk, and you seldom see fruits and vegetables marketed.
6. Most big food companies deny that they are to blame although they have made some
promises to offer healthier food.
7. They say that their commercials don’t encourage overeating.
8. Companies take aim at children so energetically because it is so profitable.
9. Some schools have contracts to sell fast food, and others have special fast food
days.
Exercise 10: Identifying clauses, subjects, and verbs in text
Based on Shannon Brownlee, “It’s portion distortion that makes America fat”
Directions: Put brackets [ ] around each clause in the sentences in the following
paragraphs from the reading. Then label each clause: “Main” for main clause and “Sub”
for subordinate clause. Double underline the main verbs and underline the subjects.
Circle the subordinate word(s) in the subordinate clauses. Also circle the connecting
words like “and” and “but” when they join clauses, but leave them outside the brackets.
Where does it end? Marketers and restauranteurs may scoff at lawsuits like the
one brought this summer against fast food companies, and they have a point: Adults are
ultimately responsible for what they put in their own mouths.
But maybe there’s hope for us yet, because it looks as if fast-food companies’
“Omnipresence”—the McDonald’s strategy of beating out competitors by opening new
stores, sometimes as many as1,000 a year—“has proved costly and self-cannibalizing.” .
. . Now, fast food companies are killing each other in a new price war they can’t possibly
sustain, and McDonald’s just suffered its first quarterly loss since the company went
public 47 years ago. . . .
One way or another, as Americans wake up to the fact that obesity is killing
nearly as many citizens as cigarettes are, jumbo burgers and super-size fries will seem
like less of a bargain.
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Chapter 1
1.4 Student Writing
Exercise 11: Editing sentences for missing subjects, verbs and connecting words
Based on a student essay on “Fast Food”
Directions: Edit the following student writing to make sure sentences are complete (have
both subjects and verbs) and are correctly connected. You should find 3 missing
subjects, 3 missing verbs, and 3 missing coordinating and subordinating words.
are
Parents ^ the best teachers for their children. They are in the best position to be
role models, they spend so much time with them. Everyone should recognize this
simple fact, but many parents do not understand their responsibility and neglect to teach
their children healthy eating habits. Parents take the easy way out, so the media and
fast food restaurants to teach their children what and how much to eat. Children imitate
what their parents do. If children realize that their parents are constantly taking them to
fast food restaurants, will believe that eating fast food is a normal thing. They old
enough to buy their own food, will think first of going to fast food restaurants because
their parents took them there. This doesn’t mean that parents should never take their
children to fast food restaurants for a treat, they should explain that, although tastes
good, the food is very unhealthy. If parents don’t explain this to their children, who else
will do it?
Exercise 12: Editing your guided composition
Directions to the teacher:
(1) Use an overhead projector or computer to project the Guided Composition
paragraph and ask students to read along as you read it out loud.
(2) Then project a student paragraph and discuss with the class the differences
between the original and the student paragraph (both paragraphs need to be
projected simultaneously).
(3) Return the student paragraphs and ask them to edit based on what they’ve
learned by doing the activities in the chapter. Don’t give them access to the
original while they are doing this. Direct them to make sure their sentences are
complete (have both subjects and verbs), and to add any needed coordinating or
subordinating words so they are correctly connected.
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(4) Ask students to compare their edited version with the original.
(5) Debrief by asking students what they learned through the comparison and what
they can apply to their own writing.
Exercise 13: Editing your own writing
Directions: Pick a paragraph from your essay about Fast Food.
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Put brackets[ ] around each clause in the sentences in your paragraph. Then
label each clause: “Main for main clause and “Sub” for subordinate clause.
Double underline the main verbs and underline the subjects.
Circle the subordinating word(s) in the subordinating clauses. Also circle the
coordinating words, but leave them outside the brackets.
Make sure the sentences are complete (have both subjects and verbs), and add
any needed coordinating or subordinating words. Make sure you have used a
variety of connecting words.
Put a question mark (?) in the margin next to anything that you are unsure about.
Exchange your paragraph with a partner and discuss any questions you have
about you partner’s marking. Check with your teacher if you can’t agree on an
answer.
Now edit the rest of your essay for missing subjects and verbs. Add needed
coordinating and subordinating words that will improve and vary your sentences.
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Chapter 1: Sentence Fundamentals for Expressing Ideas
Answer Key
Exercise 2: Identifying verbs and verb phrases
1. started
2. was
3. worked
4. were
5. got
6. have crossed
7. should know
8. are
9. needs
10. ‘ll [will] see
(Action verbs like “start” usually have progressive forms—“he is starting.” “Being” verbs
like “is” and “got” (meaning “become”) do not. We can’t say, “He was getting lucky.”)
Exercise 3: Identifying compound verbs and verb phrases
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
own . . . and put
call . . . and fear
are finding . . . and are spending
have used . . . but . . . are using
do not think . . . are . . . and are threatening
(A subordinate “that” clause is inserted between the two compound verbs in the main
clause. “(That) these marketing campaigns are harmless” is a complement of the verb
“do think.”
6. want . . . and are considering
Exercise 4: Identifying subjects of sentences
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
Kids
I
mom
restaurants
I
kids
we
charts
(In “There is” and “There are” constructions, the subject follows the verb.)
9. industry
10. we
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Chapter 1-Answer Key
Exercise 5: Identifying compound subjects
1.
2.
3.
4.
hamburger and . . . bag . . . seemed
meals and . . . appetites are
advertising and . . . prices induce
males and . . . people . . . accounted for
(“accounted for” is a two word verb so for is considered part of the verb. A single word
like “compose” could replace the two words.)
5. executives and . . . . experts decided
6. food and . . . prices increased
Exercise 6: Identifying verbs, subjects, and prepositional phrases
1. Children are introduced early (in life) (to brand-name food) (in toy stores) and (at
school).
2. Soft drink companies have “pouring rights” (in hundreds) (of schools) (throughout the
country).
3. (In their defense), companies say that they are not pouring their products (down
children’s throats).
4. More than 30 bills (before state legislatures) (around the country) will ban certain
snacks and beverages (from school vending machines).
5. Television, (of course), remains the most powerful medium (for selling) (to children).
6. The characters (in children’s TV shows) provide entertainment and promote products
(at the same time).
7. The programs have become advertising (for the food), and the food has become
advertising (for the programs).
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Chapter 1-Answer Key
Exercise 7: More practice identifying subjects and verbs
1. Kids are suing McDonald’s for making them fat.
2. People should take personal responsibility for their weight, but fast food restaurants
are often the only available option for an affordable meal.
3. Because more children are obese, Type-2 diabetes has increased in children by
25%.
4. It’s hard to find someplace to buy a grapefruit although McDonald’s is on every
corner.
5. We also lack information about what we are consuming.
6. Some fast-food restaurants provide calorie information, but even that information can
be hard to understand.
7. The fast food industry is vulnerable.
8. It is marketing products that are hazardous, yet no labels warn customers of the
danger.
9. If we don’t take action, we are going to see more sick, obese kids and more angry
parents.
1. Kids are suing McDonald’s for making them fat.
2. People should take personal responsibility for their weight, but fast food restaurants
are often the only available option for an affordable meal.
3. Because more children are obese, Type-2 diabetes has increased in children by
25%.
4. It’s hard to find someplace to buy a grapefruit although McDonald’s is on every
corner.
(“To find” and “to buy” are infinitives, not prepositional phrases.)
5. We also lack information about what we are consuming.
6. Some fast-food restaurants provide calorie information, but even that information can
be hard to understand.
7. The fast food industry is vulnerable.
8. It is marketing products that are hazardous, yet no labels warn customers of the
danger.
9. If we don’t take action, we are going to see more sick, obese kids and more angry
parents.
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Chapter 1-Answer Key
Exercise 8: Identifying complete and incomplete ideas
1. Main
2. Subordinate
3. Subordinate
4. Subordinate
5. Main
6. Main
7. Main
8. Subordinate
9. Subordinate
10. Subordinate
11. Main
12. Main
Exercise 9: Identifying Main and Subordinate Clauses
Sub
Main
3. [While companies view product tie-ins as harmless], [lawyers are threatening law
suits].
Main
Sub
4. [The problem of obesity is so staggering] [that we have to do something].
Main
Main
5. [The vast majority is junk], and [you seldom see fruits and vegetables marketed].
Main
Sub
6. [Most big food companies deny the accusations] [although they have made some
promises to offer healthier food].
Main
Sub
7. [They say [that their commercials don’t encourage overeating]].
Main
Sub
8. [Companies take aim at children so energetically] [because it is so profitable].
Main
Main
9. [Some schools have contracts to sell fast food], and [others have special fast food
days].
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Chapter 1-Answer Key
Exercise 10: Identifying Clauses, Subjects, and Verbs in Text
Based on Shannon Brownlee, “It’s portion distortion that makes America fat”
.
Main
Main
[Where does it end?] [Marketers and restauranteurs may scoff at lawsuits] [like
Sub
the one brought this summer against fast food companies], and [they have a point]:
Main
Sub
[Adults are ultimately responsible for [what they put in their own mouths]].
Main
Sub
[But maybe there’s hope for us yet], [because it looks] [as if fast-food companies’
Sub
“Omnipresence”—the McDonald’s strategy of beating out competitors by opening new
stores, sometimes as many as 1,000 a year—“has proved costly and selfMain
cannibalizing].” . . . [Now, fast food companies are killing each other in a new price war
Sub
Main
[*they can’t possibly sustain]], and [McDonald’s just suffered its first quarterly loss] [since
Sub
the company went public 47 years ago]. . . .
Sub
Sub
[One way or another, [as Americans wake up to** the fact [that obesity is killing
Sub
Main
nearly [as many citizens as cigarettes are]], jumbo burgers and super-size fries will seem
like less of a bargain].
*The subordinating word “that” is understood; it introduces the clause: [that] they can’t possibly
sustain.
**”Wake up to” is a three word verb (it could be replaced by a single verb such as “recognize.”)
Exercise 11: Editing sentences for missing subjects, verbs and connecting words
Based on a Student Essay on Fast Food
Parents are the best teachers for their children. They are in the best position to
be role models because they spend so much time with them. Everyone should recognize
this simple fact, but many parents do not understand their responsibility and neglect to
teach their children healthy eating habits. Instead parents take the easy way out, so the
media and fast food restaurants get to teach their children what and how much to eat.
Children imitate what their parents do. If children realize that their parents are constantly
taking them to fast food restaurants, they will believe that eating fast food is a normal
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Chapter 1-Answer Key
thing. When they become old enough to buy their own food, they will think first of going
to fast food restaurants because their parents took them there. This doesn’t mean that
parents should never take their children to fast food restaurants for a treat, but they
should explain that, although it tastes good, the food is very unhealthy. If parents don’t
explain this to their children, who else will do it?
Exercise 12: Editing your guided composition
Sample student notes and guided composition
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Kids are suing McD
People take personal responsibility
FFR are only options
More obese children & increase 25% Type 2 diabetes
Hard to buy grapefruits McD at every corner
Some FF provide calories but hard to understand
Marketing not label form
Take no action we’ll see
Kids are suing McDonalds for making them fat. Perhaps people should take
personal responsibility for what they eat. Why would people eat healthy when fast food
restraunts are the only options where there are available affordable meals. Now there
are just more and more obese children with type 2 diabetes and overly increased 25%.
Fast food is bad, but it also provides calory labels, but it may still be hard to understand.
Unfortunately, if we don’t take action now we will see more obese kids and more angry
parents.
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Chapter 2: Sentence Problems: Run-ons and Fragments
“Going for the Look”
Chapter Focus: This chapter focuses on two common sentence problems: sentences
that run together and sentences that are incomplete. Both problems can be confusing
for readers. All activities in this chapter are based on Steven Greenhouse, “Going for
the Look”
Exercise 1: Guided composition
Teaching Focus: The purpose of this Guided Composition activity is to elicit a paragraph
of student writing on the topic of “Going for the Look” containing simple, compound, and
complex sentences. Using these paragraphs, teachers can informally diagnose
students’ ability to create complete sentences, avoiding run-ons and fragments. At the
end of the unit, students will edit their paragraphs, applying what they have learned
during the “Sentence Problems” unit. They will then compare their paragraphs with the
original, paying particular attention to sentence boundaries.
Directions to the teacher:
(1) Ask students to take out a blank sheet of paper.
(2) Instruct students to listen as you read the following paragraph at a normal rate of
speed. Then ask students to take notes while you read the paragraph again;
emphasize that the notes will be essential when they go to write their paragraph.
Alternately, write a series of key words or phrases on the board to guide
students.
(3) Ask them to reconstruct what they heard using their notes or the key words.
Students should compare what they have written with each other and make
changes as necessary.
(4) Collect the paragraphs at the end of the activity and save them. You will return
them to your students to edit at the end of the chapter.
Hiring a pretty and handsome sales force is a growing trend in American retailing.
Stores want to hire workers to project an image. Some stores have been sued for
discrimination. While it is not illegal to hire attractive people, it is illegal to discriminate
based on age, sex, or ethnicity. Some stores take pride in hiring for diversity. Others
seem to hire only blond, blue-eyed, and pretty clerks. They say that hiring trendy young
people is simply smart business. Whether it is legal and the right thing to do is a
different question.
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Chapter 2
2.1 Run-on Sentences
A sentence must have a main clause with a subject and a verb. It may have more than
one main clause (a compound sentence) or a main clause and one or more subordinate
clauses (a complex sentence). A run-on sentence occurs when you write two sentences
(two main clauses) and punctuate them as though they form a single sentence. There
are two types of run-on sentences:
• two sentences that are joined with no punctuation
• two sentences that are joined with only a comma.
The following sentences are examples:
Hiring attractive people isn’t illegal discriminating is.
(Two sentences are joined together without any punctuation between them).
Hiring attractive people isn’t illegal, discriminating is.
(Two sentences are joined together with only a comma between them.)
X BOTH of these situations produce an error: a “run-on sentence.”
Correcting run-on sentences
1. Make a separate sentence out of each main clause.
Hiring attractive people isn’t illegal. Discriminating is.
2. Combine the clauses with a comma and a coordinating conjunction. This method
is useful when you have two ideas of equal importance and you want to show the
relationship between them.
Coordinating conjunctions: and, for, yet, but, so, or, nor
Hiring attractive people isn’t illegal, but discriminating is.
3. Make one clause a subordinate clause. This is an effective way to solve the
problem if one of the clauses is less important than the other.
Common subordinating words: because, since, when, whenever, even though,
although, though, if, unless, while, before, where, as . . . as, who, which that,
whose, whom
Hiring attractive people isn’t illegal although discriminating is.
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4. Combine the clauses with a semicolon (;). This method is effective when the two
clauses are very closely related and you don’t want to break them up with another word.
Be careful to use semicolons only when the ideas are closely related; don’t use them
simply as an alternative to periods.
Hiring attractive people isn’t illegal; discriminating is.
5. Combine the clauses with a semicolon (;) and a transition word, followed by a
comma. This method is also useful when you have two equally important ideas.
Common transition words: therefore, thus, however, nevertheless,
furthermore, consequently, then
Hiring attractive people isn’t illegal; however, discriminating is.
(See Chapter 6, Chart 6.3A, for a more complete list of words that connect ideas.)
Exercise 2: Correcting run-on sentences
Directions: Fix the following run-on sentences using the methods outlined above.
Choose the most appropriate method to fix each error.
1. We have the best-looking college kids working in our store, everyone will want to
shop there.
Because we have the best-looking college kids working in our store, everyone
will want to shop there.
2. Company officials have an aggressive approach to building their sales force they
proudly acknowledge that they hire for looks.
3. Many companies have taken the approach to sophisticated new heights they hire
workers to project an image.
4. We want to appeal to college students we concentrate our hiring on certain colleges,
fraternities, and sororities.
5. A few managers have objected to hiring inexperienced workers they have been
forced to quit.
6. Brand representatives are ambassadors to the brand consumers see them and want
to buy the clothes they are wearing.
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7. The main focus needs to be on hiring someone who can get the job done projecting
an image should not be the focus.
Correcting run-on sentences with pronoun subjects
Sometimes run-on sentences occur because the writer does not recognize that
pronouns, especially the personal pronoun “it,” and demonstrative pronouns (such as
“that,” “these,” and “those”) can be subjects of sentences.
INCORRECT:
Lawsuits have been filed about Abercrombie and Fitch’s hiring practices, these
may cross over the line and discriminate against minority applicants.
(This sentence is a run-on because the second clause is also a main clause. Its subject
is the pronoun “these” which refers to “practices” in the first clause.)
CORRECT:
Lawsuits have been filed about Abercrombie and Fitch’s hiring practices; these
may cross over the line and discriminate against minority applicants.
(Join the two main clauses with a semicolon.)
Lawsuits have been filed about Abercrombie and Fitch’s hiring practices because
these may cross over the line and discriminate against minority applicants.
(Join them with “because” since the lawsuits are the result of the practices.)
Lawsuits have been filed about Abercrombie and Fitch’s hiring practices. These
may cross over the line and discriminate against minority applicants.
(Punctuated as separate sentences.)
Exercise 3: Correcting run-on sentences with pronoun subjects
Directions: Underline any pronoun that is a subject in these sentences. Then correct the
following run-on sentences using a different option for each sentence.
1. Elizabeth Nil has been offered jobs at Abercrombie’s three times, that’s what
happens because she looks like an Abercrombie model.
Elizabeth Nil has been offered jobs at Abercrombie’s three times. That’s what
happens because she looks like an Abercrombie model.
2. Abercrombie’s approach to hiring is aggressive, it’s a growing trend in retailing.
3. Companies are openly seeking workers who are good-looking, they are the ones who
can best promote the store’s clothing.
4. The companies have been skirting the edges of antidiscrimination laws these prohibit
discriminating based on race, national origin, gender, age, and disability.
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5. Abercrombie denies that it discriminates, it simply concentrates on hiring at certain
colleges, fraternities, and sororities.
2.2 Student Writing
Exercise 4: Editing run-on sentences in student writing
Based on student essay on “Going for the Look”
Directions: Identify the main and subordinate clauses in the following piece of student
writing by putting brackets around the clauses and labeling them with Main or
Subordinate (Sub)). Then edit by adding punctuation and capital letters or connecting
words where needed.
Today’s society, especially in the fashion sector, is driven by trends, what’s in
style today can be fashion suicide by next week. Everyone is concerned with being part
of the “in-crowd,” being hip, and being accepted. In high schools throughout the nation,
you can walk around and see the groups of kids, all dressed alike, wearing the same
clothes and even acting the same way then if you look hard enough, you will notice that
each of these groups has a leader that the rest can rely on to tell them what is cool, what
clothes and styles are in, and what is socially acceptable.
If a person sees a good looking, confident store attendant, the customer will want
to emulate them today’s store managers are insisting on hiring good-looking employees.
It has become necessary in today’s market to represent your product as socially
acceptable and even capable of raising the customer up a rung on the social ladder, the
evidence shows that this works Abercrombie and Fitch, who pride themselves on hiring
sales representatives who are fashionable and good looking, are now one of the leading
retailers in the nation.
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2.3 Correcting Sentence Fragments
Every sentence must have a subject and a verb and express a complete thought. A
sentence that lacks a subject or a verb or does not express a complete thought is a
fragment.
Common types of fragments:
• Subordinate clause fragments
• –ing fragments
• Added detail fragments
• Missing subject fragments
Example:
Because they want to project an image.
Hiring pretty and handsome sales associates.
Which can lead to discrimination.
In retail sales, can serve as a brand ambassador.
Subordinate Clause Fragments: A clause that begins with a subordinating word such
as when, because, although, while, or if cannot stand on its own as a sentence. It
must be attached to a main clause so it is part of a complete sentence.
INCORRECT: Even though hiring attractive people is not illegal. Discrimination
is.
(“Even though” is a subordinating phrase that introduces a subordinate
clause. The subordinate clause forms a fragment unless it is joined to a
main clause.)
CORRECT:
Even though hiring attractive people is not illegal, discrimination is.
Punctuation Note: If the subordinate clause comes at the beginning of the
sentence, use a comma before the main part of the sentence. You do not usually
need to use a comma if the subordinate clause comes after the main clause.
Exercise 5: Correcting subordinate clause fragments
Directions: Underline the subordinate clauses in each selection. Then correct the
fragments by attaching them to the appropriate sentence. Use correct punctuation and
capitals.
1. Although the company says it does not discriminate. Some of its Hispanic, Asian,
and black job applicants maintained otherwise. They said they were not allowed to work
on the sales floor.
Although the company says it does not discriminate, some of its Hispanic, Asian,
and black job applicants maintained otherwise.
2. Legal issues are involved. Businesses run the risk of discriminating. When they start
hiring based on looks or gender. They need to focus instead on hiring people who can
get the job done.
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3. But some people think that companies should be able to hire to promote their image.
If customers see an attractive person wearing the store’s brand. They want to buy it too.
4. Stores are businesses. When it comes to making a profit. Stores have to think about
the bottom line.
Correcting “-ing” and “to” Fragments: When an –ing word or a to phrase appears at
or near the start of a word group, a fragment may result. To correct these fragments,
you can sometimes add the fragment to a complete sentence.
INCORRECT:
Hiring people who can be “brand enhancers.” Is necessary and
smart.
(“Hiring” is noun formed from the verb “hire.” It is a subject and needs
to be connected to the fragment that follows which provides the verb
“is.”)
The human resources manager spent two weeks. Trying to find
the best person for the job.
(“Trying” is a verbal adjective formed from the verb “try.” It needs to be
joined to the sentence that comes before since it completes the verb
“spent.”)
CORRECT:
Hiring people who can be “brand enhancers” is necessary and
smart.
The human resources manager spent two weeks trying to find
the best person for the job.
INCORRECT:
Restaurants sometimes adopt a young, trendy look. To attract
customers.
(“To attract” is an infinitive. It must be connected to a sentence with a
subject and verb.)
CORRECT:
Restaurants sometimes adopt a young, trendy look to attract
customers.
Exercise 6: Correcting “-ing” and” to” fragments:
Directions: Underline the fragments in the following items. Rewrite the sentences to
eliminate any fragments.
1. Wanting to increase sales, store managers were told. To recruit people with pretty
faces.
Wanting to increase sales, store managers were told to recruit people with pretty faces.
OR: Store managers, wanting to increase sales, were told to recruit people with pretty
faces.
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2. Having the best-looking college kids working in the store. That would make everyone
want to shop there.
3. To try to sell more merchandise. Stores require attractive sales associates to project
their brand with energy and enthusiasm.
4. Experts say there is a growing trend. To hire workers who are sexy, sleek, or simply
good-looking.
5. Hiring for looks. That has caused some companies to end up facing law suits.
6. Hiring for looks is necessary and smart. At least according to retailers.
Correcting Added Information Fragments: Added information fragments lack a
subject and a verb. They usually add a detail to the preceding sentence and often begin
with one of the following words.
such as
especially
including
except
for example
You can correct an added detail fragment by using one of the following techniques:
•
•
•
Attach the fragment to the complete sentence preceding or following it.
INCORRECT:
The company uses an aggressive approach. For example,
recruiting attractive customers as they shop.
CORRECT:
The company uses an aggressive approach, for example,
recruiting attractive customers as they shop.
Embed the fragment in the preceding sentence, changing words as necessary.
INCORRECT:
They recruited employees based on looks, not on retail
experience. Including some of the most popular stores.
CORRECT:
Stores, including some of the most popular ones, recruited
employees based on looks, not on retail experience.
Add a subject and/or a verb to the fragment to make it a complete sentence.
INCORRECT:
Image seemed very much in evidence at Water Tower Place.
One of Chicago’s most upscale malls, attracting a trendy crowd.
CORRECT:
Image seemed very much in evidence at Water Tower Place.
It is one of Chicago’s most upscale malls, attracting a trendy
crowd.
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Sometimes a subordinate clause with a subject and verb follows a noun that is part of
the added information. A fragment is still the result:
INCORRECT:
The company uses an aggressive approach. An effort that
officials proudly acknowledge.
(The added information doesn’t have a subject or a verb. It needs to
be joined to the sentence that comes before.)
CORRECT:
The company uses an aggressive approach, an effort that
officials proudly acknowledge.
Punctuation Note: If the added information follows the main clause, you will
usually need to use a comma at the end of the main clause.
Exercise 7: Correcting added detail fragments:
Directions: Underline the fragment in each of the following items. Use one of the
techniques described above to eliminate the fragments. (You should be able to use one
of each.)
1. Some chain stores have been accused of discriminating. By race, by age, and by
gender. They have provoked a wave of lawsuits.
2. Some stores have hired employees to project their image. Especially high end
retailers. They believe they need to hire for looks in order to be competitive.
3. Some businesses have gone too far. For example, a hotel chain that ordered
managers to hire trendier workers.
Correcting Missing Subject Fragments: In this type of fragment, the sentence is
missing a subject. To correct the fragment you can do one of two things:
1. Attach the fragment to the preceding sentence when the verb goes with the
subject of the preceding sentence.
2. Add a subject to the fragment.
INCORRECT:
The director denied discriminating. But admitted that the
company liked to hire people who “looked great.”
CORRECT:
The director denied discriminating but admitted that the
company liked to hire people who “looked great.”
The director denied discriminating, but he admitted that the
company liked to hire people who “looked great.”
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Exercise 8: Correcting missing subject fragments:
Directions: Underline the fragment in each of the following items. Use one of the
techniques described above to make complete sentences. (You should be able to use
both.)
1. Employees who don’t fit “the look” have been assigned to back rooms. However, are
asserting their rights and filing lawsuits.
2. Some young men say that they like to go to stores that hire good looking gals. And
see nothing wrong with hiring for looks.
3. Stores are having to change their hiring practices. And are focusing on competence
instead of appearance.
2.4 Student Writing
Exercise 9: Correcting run-ons and fragments in student writing
Based on a student essay on “Going for the Look”
Directions: Underline the fragments and correct the run-on sentences and fragments in
the following student writing. If you wish to rewrite an entire sentence, put an asterisk *
at the beginning of the sentence, and then rewrite it at the end of the selection.
Hiring for looks is a very sad trend in society, in today’s world more than any
other time before, sex is pushed on youth. It is nearly impossible to watch a movie or
listen to a song. Without seeing or hearing some reference to sex. Casual sex is
portrayed as ok, appearing sexy is portrayed as necessary. This focus on sexiness has
led people to be very superficial. Too many people base their first impression, and often
their entire opinion of a person. On how they look. Few people have the drive anymore.
To get to know a person’s personality and the depths of their mind before making a
judgment.
This superficiality ties back to hiring policy people see a sexy person in a store.
And automatically make the assumption that they are perfect. Then because these
beautiful people work in the store. Customers leap to the conclusion that its products
must be the reason for their perfection. We need to erase this “fact of life.” If we decide
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that it isn’t necessary to look perfect to be accepted, then stores won’t have to hire
based on looks to make sales. The change begins with us, we need to care about the
real person inside. Not simply the skin-deep outer shell.
Exercise 10: Editing your guided composition
Directions to the teacher:
(1) Use an overhead projector or computer to project the Guided Composition
paragraph and ask students to read along as you read it out loud.
(2) Then project a student paragraph and discuss with the class the differences
between the original and the student paragraph (both paragraphs need to be
projected simultaneously).
(3) Return the student paragraphs and ask them to edit based on what they’ve
learned by doing the activities in the chapter. Don’t give them access to the
original while they are doing this. Direct them to make sure their sentences are
complete and correctly punctuated.
(4) Ask students to compare their edited version with the original.
(5) Debrief by asking students what they learned through the comparison and what
they can apply to their own writing.
Exercise 11: Editing your own writing
Directions: Pick a paragraph from your essay about “Going for the Look.” Underline the
fragments and correct the run-on sentences.
•
•
•
Put a question mark (?)in the margin next to any sentences that you are unsure
about.
Exchange your paragraph with a partner and discuss any questions you have
about your partner’s marking. Check with your teacher if you can’t agree on an
answer.
Now edit the rest of your essay for sentence run-ons and fragments.
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Chapter 2: Sentence Problems: Run-ons and Fragments
Answer Key
Exercise 2: Correcting Run-on Sentences
1. Because we have the best-looking college kids working in our store, everyone will
want to shop there.
2. Company officials have an aggressive approach to building their sales force, and
they proudly acknowledge that they hire for looks.
3. Many companies have taken the approach to sophisticated new heights when they
hire workers to project an image.
4. We want to appeal to college students; therefore, we concentrate our hiring on
certain colleges, fraternities, and sororities.
5. A few managers have objected to hiring inexperienced workers; however, they have
been forced to quit.
6. Brand representatives are ambassadors to the brand; consumers see them and want
to buy the clothes they are wearing.
7. The main focus needs to be on hiring someone who can get the job done, so
projecting an image should not be the focus.
Exercise 3: Correcting Run-on Sentences with Pronoun Subjects
1. Elizabeth Nil has been offered jobs at Abercrombie’s three times. That’s what
happens because she looks like an Abercrombie model.
2. Abercrombie’s approach to hiring is aggressive, and it’s a growing trend in retailing.
3. Companies are openly seeking workers who are good-looking since they are the
ones who can best promote the store’s clothing.
(The comma should be deleted since the subordinate clause follows the main clause.)
4. The companies have been skirting the edges of antidiscrimination laws which
prohibit discriminating based on race, national origin, gender, age, and disability.
5. Abercrombie denies that it discriminates; it simply concentrates on hiring at certain
colleges, fraternities, and sororities.
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Chapter 2-Answer Key
Exercise 4: Identifying run-on sentences in student writing
Main
Main
[Today’s society, especially in the fashion sector, is driven by trends;] [what’s in
Main
style today can be fashion suicide by next week.] [Everyone is concerned with being
part of the “in-crowd,” being hip, and being accepted.] [In high schools throughout the
Main
nation, you can walk around and see the groups of kids, all dressed alike, wearing the
Sub
same clothes and even acting the same way.] [Then if you look hard enough,] [you will
Main
Sub
notice that each of these groups has a leader] [that the rest can rely on to tell them
Sub
Sub
Sub
[what is cool], [what clothes and styles are in], and [what is socially acceptable]].
Sub
Main
[If a person sees a good-looking, confident store attendant], [the customer will
Main
want to emulate them;] [therefore, today’s store managers are insisting on hiring goodMain
looking employees]. [It has become necessary in today’s market to represent your
product as socially acceptable and even capable of raising the customer up a rung on
Main
Main
Sub
the social ladder.] [The evidence shows [that this works.]] [Abercrombie and Fitch, [who
Sub
pride themselves on hiring sales representatives [who are fashionable and good
looking]], are now one of the leading retailers in the nation].
Exercise 5: Subordinate clause fragments
1. Although the company says it does not discriminate, some of its Hispanic, Asian,
and black job applicants maintained otherwise. They said they were not allowed to work
on the sales floor.
2. Legal issues are involved. Businesses run the risk of discriminating when they start
hiring based on looks or gender. They need to focus instead on hiring people who can
get the job done.
(The comma needs to be deleted because the subordinate clause follows the main
clause.)
3. But some people think that companies should be able to hire to promote their image.
If customers see an attractive person wearing the store’s brand, they want to buy it too.
(A sentence can begin with a coordinating word like “but” in all but very formal writing.
Beginning a sentence with a coordinating word never creates a fragment.)
4. Stores are businesses when it comes to making a profit. Stores have to think about
the bottom line.
(The comma needs to be deleted because the subordinate clause follows the main
clause.)
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Chapter 2-Answer Key
or
Stores are businesses. When it comes to making a profit, stores have to think about the
bottom line.
Exercise 6: -ing” and” to” fragments:
1. Wanting to increase sales, store managers were told to recruit people with a pretty
face.
2. Having the best-looking college kids working in the store would make everyone want
to shop there.
3. To try to sell more merchandise stores require attractive sales associates to project
their brand with energy and enthusiasm.
4. Experts say there is a growing trend to hire workers who are sexy, sleek, or simply
good-looking.
5. Hiring for looks has caused some companies to end up facing law suits.
6. According to retailers, to make a profit, hiring for looks is necessary and smart.
Exercise 7: Added Detail Fragments:
1. Some chain stores have been accused of discrimininating by race, by age, and by
gender. They have provoked a wave of lawsuits.
(Attach the fragment. We simply connected the fragment to the sentence that came
before it.)
2. Some stores, especially high end retailers, have hired employees to project their
image. They believe they need to hire for looks in order to be competitive.
(Embed the fragment. The fragment has to be inserted next to the word that it modifies
to avoid a dangling modifier.)
3. Some businesses have gone too far. For example, a hotel chain ordered managers
to hire trendier workers. The president stepped over the line.
(Make a new sentence. In this case, we could make a new sentence by removing the
subordinate word, “that.”)
Exercise 8: Missing subject fragments
1. Employees who don’t fit “the look” have been assigned to back rooms; however, they
are asserting their rights and filing lawsuits.
2. Some young men say that they like to go to stores that hire good looking gals. They
see nothing wrong with hiring for looks.
3. Stores are having to change their hiring practices and are focusing on competence
instead of appearance.
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Chapter 2-Answer Key
Exercise 9: Correcting run-ons and fragments in student writing
Hiring for looks is a very sad trend in society. In today’s world more than any
other time before, sex is pushed on youth. It is nearly impossible to watch a movie or
listen to a song without seeing or hearing some reference to sex. Casual sex is
portrayed as ok; appearing sexy is portrayed as necessary. This focus on sexiness has
led people to be very superficial. Too many people base their first impression, and often
their entire opinion of a person on how they look. Few people have the drive anymore to
get to know a person’s personality and the depths of their mind before making a
judgment.
This superficiality ties back to hiring policy because people see a sexy person in
a store and automatically make the assumption that they are perfect. Then because
these beautiful people work in the store, customers leap to the conclusion that its
products must be the reason for their perfection. We need to erase this “fact of life.” If
we decide that it isn’t necessary to look perfect to be accepted, then stores won’t have to
hire based on looks to make sales. The change begins with us. We need to care about
the real person inside, not simply the skin-deep outer shell.
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Chapter 3: Noun Forms and Subject–Verb Agreement
“The Rhetoric of the Op-Ed Page”
Chapter Focus: Forming Nouns and Making them Agree with Verbs
Nouns refer to people, animals, places, or abstract ideas. They are the subjects and
objects of verbs, and together with verbs they make up sentences. They are also the
objects of prepositions and can be modified by adjectives and used with determiners.
Without nouns, we could not express our ideas. The more precise we are in choosing
the nouns we use, the clearer and more effective our writing will be.
When nouns or pronouns are used as subjects of sentences, they must agree with the
main verb of the sentence. In other words, if the subject is singular, the verb must be
singular; if the subject is plural the verb must be plural. This can be tricky if the subject
is separate from the verb, or if it is not obvious whether the subject is singular or plural.
This chapter based on “The Rhetoric of the Op-Ed Page” will help clarify how singular
and plural nouns are formed and how to make sure subjects and verbs agree.
Activity 1: Guided composition activity
Based on John Edlund, “Three Ways to Persuade”
Teaching Focus: The purpose of this Guided Composition activity is to elicit a paragraph
of student writing on the topic of “Three Ways to Persuade.” Using these paragraphs,
teachers can informally diagnose students’ strengths and weaknesses in the area of
noun formation and subject-verb agreement. At the end of the unit, students will edit
their paragraphs, applying what they have learned during the “Noun Forms and SubjectVerb Agreement” unit. They will then compare their paragraphs with the original, paying
particular attention to nouns and subject-verb agreement.
Directions to the teacher:
(1) Ask students to take out a blank sheet of paper.
(2) Instruct students to listen as you read the following paragraph at a normal rate of
speed. Then ask students to take notes while you read the paragraph again;
emphasize that the notes will be essential when they go to write their paragraph.
Alternately, write a series of key words or phrases on the board to guide
students.
(3) Ask them to reconstruct what they heard using their notes or the key words.
Students should compare what they have written with each other and make
changes as necessary.
(4) Collect the paragraphs at the end of the activity and save them. You will return
them to your students to edit at the end of the chapter.
Over 2,000 years ago, the Greek philosopher Aristotle argued that there were
three basic ways to persuade an audience. One way to convince an audience is through
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the character or image that the writer projects. Another way is through the use of logical
arguments. Writers can also appeal to our emotions. Advertisers and politicians still
use these appeals today. A politician often questions the character and values of an
opponent. Advertisers frequently appeal to our desire to be attractive to the opposite
sex. Recognizing these appeals helps us decide if we agree with an argument.
3.1 NOUNS
Singular / Plural Forms of Nouns
Nouns can be written to show whether they refer to a single thing and are singular or
whether they refer to more than one thing and are plural. Most plural nouns end with –
s, but some nouns are irregular—their plurals are formed in different ways:
ax
church
child
axes
churches
children
Proper nouns are the names of particular person, place, or thing. Proper nouns are
capitalized.
Jeremy Rifkin
Washington National Zoo
Koko
Pennsylvania
Burger King
U.S.
In conversation we can usually tell from context if a noun is singular or plural, so having
the correct ending is often not essential. In writing, however, correctly forming nouns to
indicate singular or plural is very important. You should make sure that the words you
use “agree” in number with the verb and with other elements of the sentence that they
are used with.
Some common SINGULAR words and phrases
Noun phrases
everyone
Possessives
his
everybody
no one
anyone
someone
one of the people
attacking
each student
rhetoric
The United States
a group of students
her
its
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Reflexive pronouns
himself
(never “hisself”)
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Some common SINGULAR words and phrases (continued)
Verbs
is
was
has
*runs, writes, uses (-s ending on verbs for singular subjects!)
Some common PLURAL words and phrases
Noun phrases
people
women
some of the scientists
most of the people
a lot of students
speaking and writing
Possessive adjectives
their
Reflexive pronouns
themselves
(never “theirselves” or
“theirself,” or “themself”)
Exercise 2: Identifying singular and plural nouns
Based on John Edlund, “Three Ways to Persuade”
Directions: Underline the nouns in the following sentences from the Guided
Composition. Label the nouns “sing.” for singular or “pl” for plural.
pl
sing
sing
1. Over 2,000 years ago, the Greek philosopher Aristotle argued that there were three
pl
basic ways to persuade an audience.
2. One way to convince an audience is through the character or image that the writer
projects.
3. Another way is through the use of logical arguments.
4. Writers can also appeal to our emotions.
5. Advertisers and politicians still use these appeals today.
6. A politician often questions the character and values of an opponent.
7. Advertisers frequently appeal to our desire to be attractive to the opposite sex.
8. Recognizing these appeals helps us decide if we agree with an argument.
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Count nouns and non-count nouns
Another category of nouns only occur in the singular. These are called non-count nouns
because they cannot be counted. They include mass nouns that can’t be separated into
parts and abstract nouns that refer to ideas.
sugar
milk
dirt
freedom
discrimination
knowledge
sugars
milks
dirts
freedoms
discriminations
knowledges
Abstract non-count nouns are very important in expository writing since abstract ideas
are at the heart of constructing arguments. All the words in bold below are non-count
nouns.
The way animals are raised for food can cause controversy.
The health and well-being of animals depend on their emotional state.
Politics is another arena where ethos is an important factor.
Logic and rationality are highly valued in our society.
Some nouns can be both count and non-count nouns depending on their meaning.
Artistotle argues that we will believe someone with good moral character.
(Character is non-count when it means someone’s moral qualities.)
The characters in the new James Bond movie are more complex than in the
earlier movies.
(Character is a count-noun when it refers to a role in a play or movie.)
Exercise 3: Identifying count and non-count nouns
Based on John Edlund, “Three Ways to Persuade”
Directions: Go to the section of “Three Ways to Persuade” called “Pathos: The
Emotions of the Audience. Find five examples of count nouns and five non-count nouns.
Put a question mark by any that you are not sure about. Now compare your list with a
partner.
COUNT NOUNS
NON-COUNT NOUNS
1.
1.
2.
2.
3.
3.
4.
4.
5.
5.
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Chapter 3
Nouns and Determiners
Determiners are used with nouns to limit the meaning in some way:
Articles: A quieter story has been unfolding behind the scenes around the world.
Demonstratives: These researchers are finding that animals are a lot like us.
Possessives: In studying pigs, scientists have found that their behavior is a lot like our
behavior.
Quantifiers: Some philosophers have argued that animals are non self-aware.
Numerals: Two New Caledonian crows were able to use tools and even create them.
“Number of” is used with count nouns: A large number of pigs were studied.
“Amount of” is used with non-count nouns: A large amount of time was used to study
them.
“Fewer” is used with count nouns: Fewer pigs will suffer if they have human contact.
“Less” is used with non-count nouns: Less human contact means more depressed
pigs.
“Little” is used before non-count nouns: People used to have little sympathy for
animals.
“Few” is used before count nouns: Few scientists studied animal feelings.
Exercise 4: Words that go with singular and plural nouns:
Based on Jeremy Rifkin, “A Change of Heart about Animals”
Directions: Circle the correct word (or words) by deciding if it/they should have a plural or
a singular form.
1. No one should assume their / his or her position on the treatment of animals is
shared by others.
2. One fast food company has funded their / its own research about animals’ emotions.
3. Farmers must spend 20 seconds with each of their / his or her pigs each day.
4. A large amount/number of advertisements try to make us feel insecure about our
appearance.
5. Some people haven’t considered their / his or her responsibility to animals.
6. We sometimes wish politicians would use less / fewer rhetoric and took more action
to solve problems.
7. Scientists used to believe that only people felt grief when their / his or her loved
ones died.
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Chapter 3
3.2 Subject and Verb Agreement
The basic rule of subject-verb agreement is that if the subject is singular, the verb should
be singular; if the subject is plural, the verb should also be plural. Although it is usually
natural to make subjects and verbs agree, if the subject is separated from the verb by
other words or if there is more than one subject, it is more difficult.
Verb forms that need to agree:
present tense :
Scientists study whether animals feel emotions.
present perfect tense:
Some people have argued that animals have rights.
helping verbs:
Does an elephant feel grief for a dead mate?
main verb “be”:
Daily play is essential for happy pigs.
Pay particular attention when you have the following situations:
If two or more subjects are joined by the conjunctions and, or, or nor, the conjunction
determines if you use a singular or a plural verb.
•
When the subject of a sentence is composed of two or more nouns or pronouns
connected by and, use a plural verb.
Correct:
Incorrect:
•
When the subject of a sentence is composed of two or more singular nouns or
pronouns connected by or or nor, use a singular verb.
Correct:
Incorrect:
•
Anger and pity are powerful emotions.
Anger and pity is powerful emotions.
Either anger or pity is an emotion that can cause us to take
action.
Either anger or pity are an emotion that can cause us to take
action.
When the subject of a sentence is composed of a singular and a plural noun
connected by or or nor, the noun closest to the verb determines whether it is
singular or plural.
Correct:
Incorrect:
In the commercial, neither the doctor nor the advertisers are
being completely honest.
In the commercial, neither the doctor nor the advertisers is
being completely honest.
If the subject and the verb are separated by a phrase or clause, make sure that the verb
still agrees with the true subject of the sentence—not with a noun or pronoun in the
phrase.
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Examples:
• one of the philosophers is
• the people who understand rhetoric are
• the farmer, as well as his neighbors, is
• the farmer with all the pigs is playing
(“philosophers” is not the subject)
(“rhetoric” is not the subject)
(“neighbors” is not the subject)
(“pigs” is not the subject)
Some words, that might sound plural, are actually singular and take a singular verb.
These words are: each, each one, either, neither, everyone, everybody, anybody,
anyone, nobody, somebody, someone, and no one
Examples:
• each of these animals is
• either of the philosophers is
• everyone is
(“Everyone” seems plural, but the verb agrees with “one,” which is singular.)
In sentences beginning with “there is” or “there are,” be aware that “there” is not the true
subject. Therefore, the verb has to agree with the noun that follows the verb.
Examples:
• There are many arguments
• There is an argument
Exercise 5: Correcting subject-verb agreement errors
Based on John Edlund, “Three Ways to Persuade”
Directions: Double underline the verb and underline the subject in these sentences.
Write “sing” for singular or “pl” for plural over the subject. Then correct the subject-verb
agreement problems. Note: All verbs should be in the present tense. When you are
finished, compare your answers with a partner. If you are not sure, ask your teacher for
help.
sing
1. For Aristotle, a speaker’s character contribute to whether the audience will believe
the speaker’s argument.
2. There is several other reasons why an audience might believe an argument.
3. Advertising, both for products and in politics, depend on ethos of the person in the
advertisement.
4. One of the advertisements use a slender movie star to sell a new diet drug.
5. Each of the advertisements that rely on celebrities are really a deceptive illusion.
6. Writers, consciously creating their images through word choice and style, has
occurred for years.
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7. Everyone, including student writers, want to communicate an image of authority.
8. Using difficult and unusual words seem like a good way to sound like expert, but this
strategy can backfire.
9. Sometimes a writer or a speaker attack the character of the opponent, a tactic called
an ad hominem argument.
Exercise 6: Making verbs agree with subjects in text
Based on Jeremy Rifkin, “A Change of Heart about Animals”
Directions: Underline the subject of the sentence. Then circle the verb in bold that
agrees with the subject. When you have finished, compare your version to the original.
Tool-making and the development of sophisticated language skills is/are just two
of the many attributes we thought was/were exclusive to our species. Self-awareness
is/are another.
Some philosophers and animal behaviorists has/have long argued that other
animals is/are not capable of self-awareness because they lacks/lack a sense of
individualism. Not so, according to new studies. At the Washington National Zoo,
orangutans given mirrors explores/explore parts of their bodies they can’t otherwise
see, showing a sense of self. An organgutan named Chantek who lives/live at the
Atlanta Zoo used a mirror to groom his teeth and adjust his sunglasses.
Of course, when it comes/come to the ultimate test of what
distinguishes/distinguish humans from the other creatures, scientists has/have long
believed that mourning for the dead represents/represent the real divide. It’s
commonly believed that other animals has/have no sense of their mortality and is/are
unable to comprehend the concept of their own death. Not necessarily so. Animals, it
appears, experiences/experience grief. Elephants will often stand next to their dead
kin for days, occasionally touching their bodies with their trunks.
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Exercise 7: Making verbs agree with subjects in authentic text
Based on “A Change of Heart about Animals: Letters to the Editor”
Directions: Fill in the blanks with the correct form of the verb in parentheses. When you
have finished, compare your version to the original.
Re “A Change of Heart About Animals,” Commentary, Sept. 1: Jeremy Rifkin
__________ (argue) that science __________ (have) shown that the differences
between animals and humans __________(be) less than we __________ (think) and
that we should extend more “empathy” to animals. I disagree. In nature, animals
naturally __________ (kill) each other. If the hawk __________ (do) not care about the
feelings of the rabbit that it __________ (eat), why should humans be any different?
__________ (be) Rifkin saying that nature __________ (be) wrong?
Rifkin __________ (go) so far as to say that pigs __________ (need) social
contact and should be provided with toys. There __________ (be) many real human
children in the world who __________ (do) not have these things. __________ (be)
animals more important than human children? Should our society spend scarce
resources on toys for pigs?
Anyone who __________ (have) owned a pet __________ (know) that animals
can feel pain, happiness, anger, and other simple emotions. Most people __________
(have) heard a parrot or a mynah bird __________ (talk), but this __________ (be) just
imitation and mimicry. We __________ (do) not need science to tell us that animals can
do these things. However, __________ (do) a parrot understand what it __________
(be) saying? Can an animal write a poem, or even a grocery list?
Rifkin __________ (be) simply an animal rights activist hiding behind a handful of
scientific studies. He __________ (want) to ignore human suffering and focus on animal
discomfort. He __________ (want) animals to have more rights than humans. Let’s not
be fooled.
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3.3 Student Writing
Exercise 8: Editing your guided composition
Directions to the teacher:
(1) Use an overhead projector or a computer to project the Guided Composition
paragraph and ask students to read along as you read it out loud.
(2) Then project a student paragraph and discuss with the class the differences
between the original and the student paragraph (both paragraphs need to be
projected simultaneously).
(3) Return the student paragraphs and ask them to edit based on what they’ve
learned by doing the activities in the chapter. Don’t give them access to the
original while they are doing this. Direct them to make sure they have formed
nouns correctly and that their subjects and verbs agree.
(4) Ask students to compare their edited version with the original.
(5) Debrief by asking students what they learned through the comparison and what
they can apply to their own writing.
Exercise 9: Editing your own writing
Directions: Pick a paragraph from your letter to the editor. Make sure the nouns are
formed correctly and that subjects and verbs agree. Put a question mark (?) in the
margin next to any subjects or verbs that you are unsure about.
•
•
Exchange your paragraph with a partner and discuss any questions you have
about you partner’s marking. Check with your teacher if you can’t agree on an
answer.
Now edit your whole letter for subject-verb agreement.
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Chapter 3: Nouns and Subject–Verb Agreement
Answer Key
Exercise 2: Identifying Singular and Plural Nouns
Based on Edlund, “Three Ways to Persuade”
sing
sing
sing
1. Over 2,000 years ago, the Greek philosopher Aristotle argued that there were three
pl
basic ways to persuade.
sing
sing
sing
sing
2. One way is through the character or image that the writer projects.
sing
sing
pl
3. Another way is through the use of logical arguments.
pl
pl
4. Writers can also appeal to our emotions.
pl
pl
pl
5. Advertisers and politicians still use these appeals today.
sing
sing
pl
sing
6. A politician often questions the character and values of an opponent.
pl
sing
sing
7. Advertisers frequently appeal to our desire to be attractive to the opposite sex.
sing
pl
sing
8. Recognizing these appeals can help us decide if we agree with an argument.
(Words like “appealing” and “recognizing” are verbal nouns. They are always singular.)
Exercise 3: Identifying Count and Non-Count Nouns
Based on Edlund, “Three Ways to Persuade”
COUNT NOUNS
emotion
judgment
country
minority
neighbor
NON-COUNT NOUNS
anger
pity
power
rhetoric
toothpaste
(When determining if a noun is count or non-count, see if you can pluralize it: one emotion, two
emotions but not two angers. Many nouns have a meaning that is a count noun and a meaning
that is non-count. In “the power of rhetoric,” power is non-count. We wouldn’t say “the powers of
rhetoric.” However, we can use “power” to mean “country” and then it’s a count noun: the
nuclear powers. Dictionaries meant for English learners identify the different meanings according
to whether they are count or non-count.)
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Chapter 3-Answer Key
Exercise 4: Words that Go with Singular and Plural Nouns:
1. No one should assume their / his or her position on the treatment of animals is
shared by others.
2. One fast food company has funded their / its own research about animals’ emotions.
3. Farmers must spend 20 seconds with each of their / his or her pigs each day.
4. A large amount/number of advertisements try to make us feel insecure about our
appearance.
5. Some people haven’t considered their / his or her responsibility to animals.
6. We sometimes wish politicians would use less / fewer rhetoric and took more action
to solve problems.
7. Scientists used to believe that only people felt grief when their / his or her loved
ones died.
Exercise 5: Correcting subject-verb agreement errors
sing
1. For Aristotle, a speaker’s character contributes to whether the audience will believe
the speaker’s argument.
pl
2. There are several other reasons why an audience might believe an argument.
sing
3. Advertising, both for products and in politics, depends on ethos of the person in the
advertisement.
sing
4. One of the advertisements uses a slender movie star to sell a new diet drug.
pl
5. Advertisements that rely on a celebrity to sell the product are really a deceptive
illusion.
pl
6. Writers, consciously creating their images through word choice and style, are
something that has occurred for years.
sing
7. Everyone, including student writers, wants to communicate an image of authority.
sing
8. Using difficult and unusual words seems like a good way to sound like expert, but this
strategy can backfire.
sing
9. Sometimes a writer or a speaker attacks the character of the opponent, a tactic called
an ad hominem argument.
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Chapter 3-Answer Key
Exercise 6: Making verbs agree with subjects in text
Based on Jeremy Rifkin, “A Change of Heart about Animals”
Directions: Underline the subject of the sentence. Then circle the verb in bold that
agrees with the subject. When you have finished, compare your version to the original.
Tool-making and the development of sophisticated language skills are just two of
the many attributes we thought were exclusive to our species. Self-awareness are
another.
Some philosophers and animal behaviorists have long argued that other animals
are not capable of self-awareness because they lack a sense of individualism. Not so,
according to new studies. At the Washington National Zoo, orangutans given mirrors
explore parts of their bodies they can’t otherwise see, showing a sense of self. An
organgutan named Chantek who lives at the Atlanta Zoo used a mirror to groom his
teeth and adjust his sunglasses.
Of course, when it comes to the ultimate test of what distinguishes humans
from the other creatures, scientists have long believed that mourning for the dead
represents the real divide. It’s commonly believed that other animals have no sense of
their mortality and are unable to comprehend the concept of their own death. Not
necessarily so. Animals, it appears, experience grief. Elephants will often stand next to
their dead kin for days, occasionally touching their bodies with their trunks.
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Chapter 3-Answer Key
Exercise 7: Making verbs agree with subjects in authentic text
Based on “A Change of Heart about Animals: Letters to the Editor”
Directions: Fill in the blanks with the correct form of the verb in parentheses. When you
have finished, compare your version to the original.
Re “A Change of Heart About Animals,” Commentary, Sept. 1: Jeremy Rifkin
argues (argue) that science has (have) shown that the differences between animals and
humans are (be) less than we thought (think) and that we should extend more “empathy”
to animals. I disagree. In nature, animals naturally kill (kill) each other. If the hawk
does (do) not care about the feelings of the rabbit that it eats (eat), why should humans
be any different? Is (be) Rifkin saying that nature is (be) wrong?
Rifkin goes (go) so far as to say that pigs need (need) social contact and should
be provided with toys. There are (be) many real human children in the world who do (do)
not have these things. Are (be) animals more important than human children? Should
our society spend scarce resources on toys for pigs?
Anyone who has (have) owned a pet knows (know) that animals can feel pain,
happiness, anger, and other simple emotions. Most people have (have) heard a parrot
or a mynah bird talk (talk), but this is (be) just imitation and mimicry. We do (do) not
need science to tell us that animals can do these things. However, does (do) a parrot
understand what it is (be) saying? Can an animal write a poem, or even a grocery list?
Rifkin is (be) simply an animal rights activist hiding behind a handful of scientific
studies. He wants (want) to ignore human suffering and focus on animal discomfort. He
wants (want) animals to have more rights than humans. Let’s not be fooled.
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Chapter 4: Verbs for Expository Writing
“The Value of Life”
Chapter Focus: Verbs in Expository Writing
Verbs express actions or states of being. They are best understood as part of a text rather
than simply as part of a sentence. Verbs express time and the relationships between
actions that take place at different points in time. They are used to make general
statements and give opinions, to make judgements and draw conclusions. Understanding
how verbs function is essential for both reading and writing expository texts. Activities in
this chapter are based on Amanda Ripley, “What is a Life Worth” and Lance Armstrong and
Sally Jenkins, “It’s Not About the Bike: My Journey Back to Life.”
Exercise 1: Guided composition activity
Based on Amanda Ripley, “What is a Life Worth?”
Teaching Focus: The purpose of this Guided Composition activity is to elicit a paragraph
of student writing on the topic of “The Value of Life” containing a variety of verb tenses
and time markers. Using these paragraphs, teachers can informally diagnose students’
strengths and weaknesses in the area of verbs. At the end of the unit, students will edit
their paragraphs, applying what they have learned during the “Verbs for Expository
Writing” unit. They will then compare their paragraphs with the original, paying particular
attention to verbs.
Directions to the teacher:
(1) Ask students to take out a blank sheet of paper.
(2) Instruct students to listen as you read the following paragraph at a normal rate of
speed. Then ask students to take notes while you read the paragraph again;
emphasize that the notes will be essential when they go to write their paragraph.
Alternately, write a series of key words or phrases on the board to guide
students.
(3) Ask them to reconstruct what they heard using their notes or the key words.
Students should compare what they have written with each other and make
changes as necessary.
(4) Collect the paragraphs at the end of the activity and save them. You will return
them to your students to edit at the end of the chapter.
In the 19th century, the widow of a man who died was unable to claim money for
his death. However, during the last 100 years, courts have begun to put a dollar value
on a life. The concept of assigning a price tag to a life has always made people
squeamish. After all, money does not make a family whole again. Also, is a poor man’s
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life worth less than a rich man’s? September 11 has again made clear that lives have
different economic values. The government is trying to help families maintain their
standard of living. But the families see the money as a measure of the value of their
loved one’s life.
4.1 Identifying Complete Verb Phrases
CHART 4.1A: The Complete Verb Phrase
• has a grammatical subject (I, you, it...)
Example: Americans believe in the value of life.
subj
• expresses a time (tense), completion (aspect), or duration
Example: I believed (past tense) a year ago the value of life could not be measured.
verb
• can have one, two, or three helping verbs
Example: We should not set a dollar value on life.
helping main
• always has a main verb (verb that carries meaning)
Example: Courts have begun to put a dollar value on life.
main
Helping Verbs:
“Be” verbs: is, am, are, was, were, been
“Have” verbs: have, has, had
“Do” verbs: do, does, did
Modals: can, will, must, should, ought to, may, might
Phrasal Modals: be going to, be able to, be supposed to, had better, ought to, have to
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Infinitive and –ing and –ed Forms of the Verb:
Verbs can also function like other parts of speech: nouns and adjectives. These forms are
not part of the verb phrase and should not be underlined when you are identifying verb
phrases.
Insurance companies need to measure the value of life.
infinitive
Assigning a price tag to life makes people squeamish.
Verbal noun
Diagnosed with cancer, Lance Armstrong never stopped fighting.
Verbal adjective
Main Verb Forms
CHART 1.1B: Main Verb Forms
Simple form
Present
3rd person
Present
Participle
Past
Tense
Past
Participle
(no-s)
-s
-ing
-ed
-ed
__________________________________________________________________________
Regular
walk
walks
walking
walked
walked
Irregular
make
makes
making
made
made
be
is
being
was
been
have
has
having
had
had
run
runs
running
ran
run
Each main verb has five forms.
Three of them can be used as complete main verbs
the simple form (present)
the - s form (present)
the past tense form
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she believes (now)
she believed (yesterday)
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The other two forms can never stand alone as complete main verbs in a clause (they are
incomplete without a helping verb)
Incomplete
Complete
She is walking (now)
the -ing form
walking
the participle form (-ed/-en form)
believed, taken
They have believed
He was taken
The simple form (without an ending) is used after modals and phrasal modals.
modal
phrasal modal
I can believe
He is going to walk
The simple form is also used to construct negative statements and questions:
negative
question
He did not believe
Did they walk?
4.2 Time and Tense: Verb tenses indicate the time period you are referring to in your
writing. So any discussion of verb tense starts with a discussion of time. Time has no
beginning and no end. You can arrange time on a time line like this:
yesterday
|
today
|
tomorrow
|
Sept. 9, 2001
Sept. 10, 2001
Sept. 11, 2001
If you think of time as a time line, then you can visualize verb tenses as sections of
the time line. The key to understanding and using verb tenses in English is to look at them
in the context of the passage that they are in rather than separately in individual sentences.
Within passages, they occur in two time frames, either the past time frame or the
present/future time frame.
The Past Time Frame
Verbs in the past time frame are used to express actions that took place and were
completed in the past. They do not overlap the present or future tenses.
Examples: The events of September 11 shocked Americans.
Before September 11, we had believed in our safety as a nation.
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The Present Time Frame
The present and future tenses are clustered together because their time segments
can overlap. Verbs that are formed with the present form of “have” (has/have) are part of
the present time frame. They are used for events that started in the past but are continuing
in the present or have some relevance to the present.
Examples: I have always believed that human life could not be measured in money.
We believe in the value of life.
The value of life will be measured differently in the future.
The simple present form of a verb is used for a general truth, something that everyone
probably agrees is true. We call these generic statements.
Example: Every human life is valuable.
Time Frames and Time Markers
In general, you cannot switch from the past time frame to the present/future time frame
without a reason and a time marker that is a signal to your reader that you are switching
time frames. For example, you would use a time marker like "two years ago" to switch from
the present/future time frame to the past time frame.
Example: September 11 changed everything. Now we know that every life has a price.
Another case where it is permissible to switch time frames without a time marker is when
using a direct quotation. A direct quotation must use the tense of the original passage. At
the end of the quotation, the writer must simply return to the time frame that preceded it or
indicate with a time marker that a shift is occurring.
Example: Lance Armstrong learned the value of life when he was diagnosed with cancer.
His fellow patients taught him the valuable lesson that “People live, and in the
most remarkable ways.”
Writers take care to make sure that the time frame they intend is clearly indicated to
their readers by time markers.
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Exercise 2: Identifying verbs + subjects and time frames
Based on Amanda Ripley, “What Is a Life Worth?”
Directions: Double underline the complete verb phrases and underline the subjects in the
following paragraph and list them in the table below. Circle the time markers. Mark the
places where the verb tense changes with an asterisk (*). Why do you think the author
switched to a different time frame? In the fourth column, label the time frame of the verbs:
past or present/future.
The concept of assigning a price tag to a life has always made people intensely
squeamish. After all, isn’t it degrading to presume that money can make a family whole
again? And what of the disparities? Is a poor man’s life worth less than a rich man’s?
Over the past 100 years, U.S. courts have crafted their answers to these questions.
Forensic economists testify on the value of a life every day. They can even tell you the
average valuation of an injured knee (about $200,000). But until now, the public at large
has not had to reckon with the process and its imperfections. Until the terrorist attacks of
Sept. 11 created a small city’s worth of grieving families and the government established an
unprecedented fund to compensate them, the mathematics of loss was a little-known
science. Now the process is on garish display, and it is tempting to avert the eyes.
Subject
Concept
Helping verb(s)
Main Verb
Verb Time Frame
has
made
(present/future)
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4.3 Verb Use in Basic Time
Basic Time means the time reference is the simple idea of past, present, or future.
There is no reference to progressive or perfect meaning. Look at the time line below.
PAST TIME FRAME
PRESENT/FUTURE TIME FRAME
simple past tense
simple present tense
simple future tense
________________________________________________________________________
paid
did pay
pay/pays
do/does pay
will pay
am/is/are going to pay
(timeline)
1
2
3
PAST
4
5
NOW
6
FUTURE
Simple Past
Tense:
The government paid the families of those who died on 9/11 in 2003.
(Paying the families is an action completed at a specific time in the past.)
Simple Present
Tense:
Insurance companies pay accident victims everyday.
(“Everyday” shows that this is a repeated or habitual action in present time.)
Simple Future
Tense:
Charities will also pay many families.
(This is the prediction of an action that will take place in the future.)
The Simple Present Tense is used:
•
to describe repeated, habitual or characteristic actions (usually used with an adverb
of frequency). Note: an adverb is a word that modifies a verb.
Adverbs of frequency:
always, every day, usually, often, sometimes,
frequently, rarely, never
Forensic economists frequently testify on the value of life.
(“Frequently” tells us that this happens repeatedly, so we use the simple present tense.)
•
to give general statements and expressions of opinion
They know the value of an injured knee.
(This is a general statement about the expertise of forensic economists.)
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•
to describe states of being, sensory perceptions, conditions, judgments,
conclusions, or emotional states.
A poor man’s life is worth less. That idea doesn’t seem fair.
(This first statement is a judgment; the second statement is a conclusion about that
judgment, so we use the simple present tense for both.)
•
with present time markers like:
now, today, these days, presently
Now the process of assigning value to life is on garish display.
(“Now” is a time marker that usually marks the present tense.)
•
for generic statements. No matter whether you are in the past or the present/future
time frame, you may switch to the generic without the use of a time marker:
PAST: Some of the families wanted to file lawsuits.
GENERIC: Lawsuits are a way of forcing answers about the cause of death.
PAST: The families sued the airlines in order to investigate what really happened.
(The first sentence describes an event that happened in the past and uses simple
past tense. The next sentence uses present tense. It can follow immediately
without a time marker because it makes a generic statement. The third sentence
returns to the past tense because it again describes an event in the past.)
The Simple Past Tense is used:
•
to show that an action occurred at a known moment in the past
The courts started to put a dollar value on human life.
(At a particular time—even though it isn’t stated—the courts made the first judgment
about the monetary value of a life.)
•
with past time markers like:
some time ago, two years ago, yesterday, before
A train barreled over Joseph Hewins’ body on a wintry evening in 1845.
(The simple past tense is used because the event occurred at a specific time.)
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Note: Adverbs such as the time markers above and the word “not” can occur within a verb
phrase but are not part of the phrase itself. Don’t underline them when you are identifying
verb phrases.
Did people before 9/11 have a different view of the value of life than now?
(To form a question use the helper “do” in the simple past plus the simple form of the verb.
The subject of the sentence occurs between the two parts of the verb phrase. Adverbs and
adverbial phrases such as “before 9/11” can occur there too.)
She did not know her husband was going to die when she left the note.
(Forming a negative requires using “did” (the past form of the helper “do”) followed by “not”
and the simple form of the verb.)
The Simple Future Tense is used:
•
to show an action that will take place in the future
Spouses and children of victims will receive compensation.
(They haven’t received compensation yet, but we can predict it will happen in the future.)
•
with future time markers like
tomorrow, next year, in the future
In the future we will value human life differently than we did in the past.
(The future time marker requires use of the future tense; note that in the second clause, the
past time marker, “in the past,” causes us to use the simple past tense.)
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Tips for Using Verbs in Academic Essays
* The simple present tense is often used for the thesis statement and for topic sentences in
an academic essay. The thesis statement and topic sentences generally express opinions,
beliefs, or ideas which require the simple present. The simple present tense can also be
used in body paragraphs to provide the writer’s commentary or analysis.
Sample thesis statement: The unpredictability of life means we need to stop caring about
material possessions and enjoy each moment of life.
* The simple past tense is most often used for the support in a paragraph. It is used to
describe past events or activities. These past events or activities can provide evidence for
the writer’s position. The simple past tense is also used to write about events and
information in a reading, another important source for supporting evidence.
Sample support: Two years ago, I was shocked when my doctor found a quarter-sized
mass on my thyroid gland. It turned out that I had Follicular Carcinoma. It hit me that I
could die.
Sample commentary: In It’s Not About the Bike, Lance Armstrong claimed, “People live,
and in the most remarkable ways.” When he had to undergo treatment for cancer, he said
that the experience helped him understand real heroism and courage more than all of his
bike races.
Exercise 3: Using basic verb tenses in expository writing
Based on Amanda Ripley, “What is a Life Worth”
Directions: Fill in the blanks in these paragraphs adapted from “What Is A Life Worth?” with
the correct basic tenses. Use the simple past, present or future. Circle the time markers.
Mark the places where the time frame changes with an asterisk (*). Why does the author
change? Check to make sure the verbs agree with the subjects.
The Victim Compensation Fund follows (follow) common legal practice as it
__________ (value) different lives differently. Courts always __________ (grant) money
on the basis of a person’s earning power in life. That ___________ (be) because courts
____________ (not attempt) to replace “souls.” However, the plan _____________ (call)
for deducting life insurance and pensions. Also, it __________ (allow) no flexibility in
determining non-economic damages. It __________ (place) the same value on the pain
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and suffering of all the victims. Each family __________ (receive) $250,000 and an extra
$50,000 for a spouse and for each child.
On Sept. 11, one of the victims on American Flight 11 __________ (be) Lisa
Gordenstein. Later, after the tragedy, her husband __________ (say) that losing her
__________ (tear) his heart out. But now he __________ (say) he __________ (want) to
devote his life to raising his two young daughters. He __________ (not want) to file a
lawsuit against the government or the airline. He __________ (plan) to accept money from
the Victim Compensation Fund. He __________ (say), “I __________ (be) proud of what
my country is trying to do. I __________ (think) the intention __________ (be) noble.” He
__________ (tell) the story of the night before Lisa __________ (die). She __________
(slip) a clipping under of door of David’s home office. It __________ (be) a saying from
theologian Charles Swindoll that __________ (read), “Attitude to me __________ (be)
more important than facts.” David __________ (read) it at her memorial.
4.4 Use of Perfect Tense Verbs
Perfect tense verbs are used to refer to activities or events that began before a
basic time in past, present or future or past events that are relevant to the present time.
Think of the perfect tenses as the "time before" tenses. They show the relationship
between one state or event and a later state or event.
PAST TIME FRAME
PRESENT/FUTURE TIME FRAME
simple past tense
simple present tense
simple future tense
past perfect
present perfect
future perfect
had decided
have/has decided
will have decided
PAST
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Present Perfect is used:
•
to describe an action that started in the past and continues into the present. (The
action is relevant to the present.)
Courts have assigned a dollar value to life for a hundred years.
(A hundred years ago courts began assigning a dollar value to life. They are still assigning it
now.)
Since 9/11, the public has become aware of the process of setting a dollar value on
a life.
(“Shortly after 9/11” is a date in the past. The public started to become aware at that time in
the past and is still aware now.)
•
to describe an action that has been completed at an indefinite or unspecified time in
the recent past and is relevant to the present.
The families have decided to accept compensation from the Victim Fund.
(At an unspecified time in the past the families decided to accept compensation, so we use
the present perfect tense. This action is relevant to the present because it means that now
the families cannot file lawsuits).
The families decided on January 18 to accept compensation from the Victim Fund.
(At a specific time—on January 18—the families decided to accept compensation, so we
use the simple past tense.)
Past Perfect is used:
•
to show that one past event happened before another past event. The past perfect
is used to describe the past event that occurred first (there must be two past times).
By the time Kenneth Feinberg met with the families on Jan. 18, 2002, most of them
had decided to accept the government settlement.
(The meeting was on January 18. “Most of the families” decided before they went to the
meeting. Both events occurred in the past, but the “deciding” occurred before the meeting.)
After Hewins had spent the day shoveling snow off the track, he was hit by a train
on his way back to town.
(Hewins shoveled snow; then he was hit by the train. Both events were in the past, but
shoveling snow happened before being hit by the train.)
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Future Perfect is Used:
•
to describe a future activity that will be completed by the time of another event or
time in the future (note: there must be two future times).
By 2011, all of the families will have received compensation.
(The families will have received compensation at sometime in the future before 2011.)
Note: Use of the future perfect tense is rare.
Exercise 4: Using basic and perfect verb tenses in expository writing
Based on Lance Armstrong and Sally Jenkins, “It’s Not About the Bike: My Journey
Back to Life”
Directions: Fill in the blanks in these paragraphs with the correct tenses. Use both basic
and perfect verb tense. Circle the time markers. Mark the places where the time frame
changes with an asterisk (*). Why does the author change the time frame? Then check the
verbs to make sure they agree with the subjects.
I __________ (spend) my life racing my bike, from the back roads of Austin, Texas
to the Champs-Elysees, and I always __________ (worry) about some rancher in his
Dodge 4x4 running me headfirst into a ditch. Believe me, it __________ (happen) all the
time. Cyclists __________ (fight) an ongoing war with guys in big trucks, and so many
vehicles __________ (hit) me, so many times, in so many countries, that I __________
(lose) count. I __________ (learn) how to take out my own stitches: all that you
__________ (need) __________ (be) a pair of fingernail clippers and a strong stomach.
If you saw my body underneath my racing jersey , you would know what I am
talking about. I __________ (have) marbled scars on both arms and discolored marks up
and down my legs, which I __________ (keep) clean-shaven. Maybe that ___________
(be) why trucks always __________ (try) to run me over; they __________ (see) my sissyboy calves and decide not to brake. But cyclists __________ (have) to shave, because
when the gravel __________ (get) into your skin, it __________ (be) easier to clean and
bandage if you have no hair.
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One minute you are pedaling along a highway, and the next minute, boom, you
__________ (be) face-down in the dirt. A blast of hot air __________ (hit) you, you
__________ (taste) the acrid, oily exhaust in the roof of your mouth, and all you can do
__________ (be) wave a fist at the disappearing taillights.
Cancer __________ (be) like that. I ___________ (not know) why I __________
(be) still alive. I ___________ (have) a tough constitution, and before I ___________
(have) cancer, my profession __________ (teach) me to compete against long odds and
big obstacles. That _________ (be) a good start, but I still __________ (think) my survival
__________ (be) more a matter of blind luck.
4.5 Progressive Tenses
Progressive tense are used to describe an event or action in progress or on going at a time
in the past, present or future. The emphasis is on the duration (length of time).
Progressive tenses are usually used with active verbs; they are much less frequent with
state of being verbs.
Past Progressive Tense:
Lance Armstrong was training for a race when his doctor told
him he had cancer.
(“Was training” describes an action that was happening at a time in
the past; that action was interrupted by another action in simple
past time, “his doctor told him.”)
Present Progressive Tense:
Armstrong is hoping to die at 100 years old.
(“Is hoping” describes a present action that is occurring at
thepresent moment.”
Armstrong is still riding his bike.
(“Is riding” describes a present action that is happening at the
present period of time & will continue into the future.)
Lance Armstrong is facing new challenges now.
(a temporary state)
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Armstrong has exceptional physical attributes.
(a permanent state)
(A present action or state that is temporary uses present
progressive. A present action or state that is permanent uses
simple present. Armstrong’s challenges are temporary; his physical
attributes are permanent. )
Future Progressive Tense:
Athletes will be studying Armstrong’s success for years to
come.
(“Will be studying” is an action that will be happening over a period
of time in the future.)
Exercise 5: Using verb tenses to express time relationships
Directions: The following timeline gives dates for the main events in Lance Armstrong’s
life. Using these dates and information from the reading, “It’s Not About the Bike: My
Journey Back to Life” and your own commentary, write a brief biography of Lance
Armstrong. Try to use a variety of verb tenses including the generic present and the future.
September 18, 1971
Born in Plano, Texas
1991
Won the US amateur cycling championship
1992
Turned professional but finished last in his first professional race
1993 & 1995
Won stages in the Tour de France with Team Motorola
October 2, 1996
Diagnosed with testicular cancer that had spread to his lungs
and brain; told he had a 40% chance of survival.
1999
Made a cycling comeback after surgery and chemotherapy for
cancer; won the Tour de France.
2004
Founded the Lance Armstrong Foundation which sold yellow
“Livestrong” wristbands to support cancer victims and survivors
and raise awareness about cancer.
2005
Won his 7th consecutive Tour de France title
2006
62 million “Livestrong” wristbands sold
2004-06
Allegations that Armstrong used performance-enhancing
steroids
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2006
An independent investigator for the world cycling organization,
UCI, criticized the drug testing process and recommended
against disciplinary action against Armstrong
2006
Plans to continue his work as an activist to change cancer
policies
Directions: Underline the subjects and double underline the verbs in your biography and
list them with the rules that explain their use in the chart below. Circle time markers.
Finally, add any needed time markers and edit the verbs so they express accurately the
relationship among events in Armstrong’s life. Check for subject-verb agreement. Then fill
in the chart below. When indicated, specify the time that goes with the rule.
Verb Phrase
Tense
1. is
simple present
2. was born
simple past
Rule
make a judgment/give an
opinion
event completed at a specific
time in the past (Sept. 12,
1972)
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.
16.
17.
18.
19.
20.
21.
22.
23.
24.
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4.6 Student Writing
Exercise 6: Editing student writing
Based on a student essay on “The Value of Life”
Directions: Underline the subjects and double-underline the verbs in the paragraphs below.
Circle the time markers and notice the places where the time frame changes. Why does
the author change? Then check for subject-verb agreement. (Note: The writer of this
student essay has used and cited an outside source, an article from the magazine
Newsweek to respond to the topic about the value of life.)
Life was a precious commodity like a diamond. But unlike a diamond, life have
no set monetary value. There is many arguments against putting a monetary value on
life, but one of the most impressive comes from Alephonsion Deng. He is one of the
26,000 Sudanese Lost Boys who forced to flee violence in their country in the 1980s. In
the essay “I Have Had to Learn to Live with Peace,” he describes his ordeal in the
Sudanese desert. “We are crossing a thousand miles of war ravaged country without the
hope of sanctuary. Bullets had replace food, medicine, shelter, and my loving parents. I
lived on wild vegetables, eat mud from Mother Earth, and drink urine from my own body
(Deng 16).” He had to walk across an entire country from refugee camp to refugee
camp, always with the thought of death before him. He does not have the luxury of
being able to go down to the grocery store when he ran out of food.
He have to
scavenge for whatever he could get his hands on. Today Mr. Deng would probably be
outraged by the ideas of the 9/11 victims’ fund, which have assign a monetary value to
the lives of the 9/11 victims. After what he go through, he would probably say that it was
impossible to give something as valuable as life a dollar value. Life is more valuable
than any gem on Earth. That is why it will not have a monetary value and never should.
Deng, Alephonsion. “I Have Had to Learn to Live With Peace.” Newsweek 31
October, 2005: 16
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Directions: For each correction you have made, fill in the following chart.
Verb Phrase
Tense
Rule
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12
Exercise 7: Editing your guided composition
Directions to the teacher:
(1) Use an overhead projector or computer to project the Guided Composition
paragraph and ask students to read along as you read it out loud.
(2) Then project a student paragraph and discuss with the class the differences
between the original and the student paragraph (both paragraphs need to be
projected simultaneously).
(3) Return the student paragraphs and ask them to edit based on what they’ve
learned by doing the activities in the chapter. Don’t give them access to the
original while they are doing this. Direct them to make sure they have used time
markers as needed and that their verb are correct.
(4) Ask students to compare their edited version with the original.
(5) Debrief by asking students what they learned through the comparison and what
they can apply to their own writing.
Exercise 8: Editing your own writing
Directions: Pick a paragraph from your essay on The Value of Life.
•
•
•
•
Edit the paragraph, making sure you have used time markers as needed and that
the verbs are correct.
Put a question mark (?) in the margin next to any verbs or time markers that you
are unsure about.
Exchange your paragraph with a partner and discuss any questions you have
about you partner’s editing. Check with your teacher if you can’t agree on an
answer.
Now edit the rest of your essay for verb errors.
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Chapter 4: Verbs for Expository Writing
Answer Key
Exercise 2: Identifying verbs + subjects and time frames
Based on Amanda Ripley, “What Is a Life Worth?”
The concept of assigning a price tag to a life has always made people intensely
squeamish. After all, isn’t it degrading to presume that money can make a family whole
again? And what of the disparities? Is a poor man’s life worth less than a rich man’s?
Over the past 100 years, U.S. courts have crafted their answers to these questions.
Forensic economists testify on the value of a life every day. They can even tell you the
average valuation of an injured knee (about $200,000). But until now, the public at large
has not had to reckon with the process and its imperfections. Until the terrorist attacks of
Sept. 11 created a small city’s worth of grieving families and the government established an
unprecedented fund to compensate them, the mathematics of loss was a little-known
science. Now the process is on garish display, and it is tempting to avert the eyes.
Subject
concept
it
money
life
courts
economists
they
public
attacks
government
mathematics
process
it
Auxiliary verb(s)
Main Verb
Verb Time Frame
has
made
is*
make
is
crafted
testify
tell
had
created
established
was
is
is*
present/future
present/future
present/future
present/future
present/future
present/future
present/future
present/future
past
past
past
present/future
present/future
can
have
can
has
* “degrading” and “tempting” are adjectives. They are not part of the main verb.
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Exercise 3: Using Basic Verb Tenses in Expository Writing
The Victim Compensation Fund follows (follow) common legal practice as it values
(value) different lives differently. Courts always grant (grant) money on the basis of a
person’s earning power in life. That is (be) because courts do not attempt (not attempt) to
replace “souls.” However, the plan calls (call) for deducting life insurance and pensions.
Also, it allows (allow) no flexibility in determining non-economic damages. It places (place)
the same value on the pain and suffering of all the victims. Each family will receive
(receive) $250,000 and an extra $50,000 for a spouse and for each child.
*On Sept. 11, one of the victims on American Flight 11 was (be) Lisa Gordenstein.
After the tragedy, her husband said (say) that losing her tore (tear) his heart out. But *now
he says (say) he wants (want) to devote his life to raising his two young daughters. He
does not want (not want) to file a lawsuit against the government or the airline. He plans
(plan) to accept money from the Victim Compensation Fund. He says (say), “I am (be)
proud of what my country is trying to do. I think (think) the intention is (be) noble.” He
tells (tell) the story of *the night before Lisa died (die). She slipped (slip) a clipping under of
door of David’s home office. It was (be) a saying from theologian Charles Swindoll that
read (read), “Attitude to me is (be) more important than facts.” David read (read) it at her
memorial.
(Sometimes context establishes the time frame rather than a specific time marker. Context tells us
that the first two verbs must be in the present tense to indicate habitual action since the Victim
Compensation Fund “follows common legal practice.” The present tense “is” in the saying from
Swindoll is a direct quotation that uses the tense of the original. No time marker is needed even
though the passage is in the past time frame.)
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Exercise 4: Using Basic and Perfect Verb Tenses in Expository Writing
Based on Lance Armstrong and Sally Jenkins, “It’s Not About the Bike: My Journey
Back to Life”
I have spent (spend) my life racing my bike, from the back roads of Austin, Texas to
the Champs-Elysees, and I always worry (worry) about some rancher in his Dodge 4x4
running me headfirst into a ditch. Believe me, it happens (happen) all the time. Cyclists
fight (fight) an ongoing war with guys in big trucks, and so many vehicles have hit (hit) me,
so many times, in so many countries, that I have lost (lose) count. I have learned (learn)
how to take out my own stitches: all that you need (need) is (be) a pair of fingernail clippers
and a strong stomach.
If you saw my body underneath my racing jersey, you would know what I am talking
about.* I have (have) marbled scars on both arms and discolored marks up and down my
legs, which I keep (keep) clean-shaven. Maybe that is (be) why trucks always try (try) to
run me over; they see (see) my sissy-boy calves and decide not to brake. But cyclists have
(have) to shave, because when the gravel gets (get) into your skin, it is (be) easier to clean
and bandage if you have no hair.
One minute you are pedaling along a highway, and the next minute, boom, you are
(be) face-down in the dirt. A blast of hot air hits (hit) you, you taste (taste) the acrid, oily
exhaust in the roof of your mouth, and all you can do is (be) wave a fist at the disappearing
taillights.
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Cancer is (be) like that. I do not know (not know) why I am (be) still alive. I have
(have) a tough constitution, and before I had (have) cancer, my profession taught (teach)
me to compete against long odds and big obstacles. That is (be) a good start, but I still
think (think) my survival is (be) more a matter of blind luck.
* This sentence expresses a hypothetical condition, so the overall time doesn’t change.
Exercise 5: Using verb tenses to express time relationships
(Sample response)
Lance Armstrong: Champion Cyclist and Cancer Survivor
Lance Armstrong is perhaps the greatest cyclist ever. He was born in Plano,
Texas on September 18, 1971. At the age of 20, he won the US amateur cycling
championship. He lost his first race as a professional. However, Armstrong’s greatest
strength is his perseverance. After this setback, he went on* to win the World Cycling
Championship in Norway.
He had already won stages of the Tour de France, cycling’s most important race,
in both 1993 and 1995 when his doctors diagnosed him with testicular cancer on October
2, 1996. The cancer had spread to his lungs and brain, and his doctors gave him a 40%
chance of survival. He had surgery and chemotherapy and returned to his training.
In 1999 he made his cycling comeback and won the Tour de France. He also
started the Lance Armstrong Foundation and started selling Livestrong wristbands to
raise money. The Foundation’s goal is to help cancer victims and survivors and raise
cancer awareness. Since that time he has won seven consecutive Tour de France races
and has sold 62 million wristbands. He has also faced allegations that he had used
performance-enhancing steroids. An independent investigation has recently cleared
him of these allegations. In the future, he will continue to work to increase awareness
about cancer and to promote policies that will help cancer victims and survivors.
* “went on” is a two word verb; you could substitute a single verb, “proceeded.”
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Chapter 4-Answer Key
Verb Phrase
Tense
is
was
simple present
simple past
won
simple past
lost
is
went on
simple past
simple present
simple past
had won
past perfect
diagnosed
simple past
had spread
past perfect
gave
simple past
had
simple past
returned
simple past
made
simple past
won
started
simple past
simple past
began
simple past
is
has faced
simple present
present perfect
had used
past perfect
has cleared
present perfect
will continue
will help
future
future
Expository Reading and Writing Course
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Rule
make a judgment/give an opinion
event completed at a specific time in the
past (Sept. 12, 1972)
event completed at a specific time in the
past (when he was 20)
event completed in the past
draw a conclusion
event completed at a specific time in the
past (after he lost his first professional
race)
event completed before another event in
the past (before he was diagnosed)
event completed at a specific time in the
past (Oct. 2, 1996)
event completed before another event in
the past (before he was diagnosed)
event completed at a specific time in the
past (after he was diagnosed)
event completed at a specific time in the
past (after he was diagnosed)
event completed at a specific time in the
past (after his diagnosis, before 1999)
event completed at a specific time in the
past (in 1999)
indefinite time in the past
event completed at a specific time in the
past (in 1999)
event completed at a specific time in the
past (in 1999)
general statement
event in the recent past that is relevant to
the present
event completed before another event in
the past (facing allegations in 2004-06)
event in the recent past that is relevant to
the present (means he can still compete
professionally)
prediction of future action
prediction of future action
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Exercise 6: Editing student writing
Based on a student essay on “The Value of Life”
1. is
2. has
Life was a precious commodity like a diamond. But unlike a diamond, life have
3. are
no set monetary value. There is many arguments against putting a monetary value on
life, but one of the most impressive arguments comes from Alephonsion Deng. He is
one of the 26,000 Sudanese Lost Boys who were forced to flee violence in their country
in the 1980s. In the essay “I Have Had to Learn to Live with Peace,” he describes his
4. crossed
ordeal in the Sudanese desert. “We are crossing a thousand miles of war ravaged
5. replaced
country without the hope of sanctuary. Bullets had replace food, medicine, shelter, and
6. ate
7. drank
my loving parents. I lived on wild vegetables, eat mud from Mother Earth, and drink
urine from my own body (Deng 16).” He had to walk* across an entire country from
refugee camp to refugee camp, always with the thought of death before him.
8. did
He does not have the luxury of being able to go down to the grocery store when he ran
9. had
out of **food. He have to scavenge for whatever he could get his hands on. Today Mr.
10. has assigned
Deng would probably be outraged by the idea of the 9/11 victims’ fund, which have
11. went
assign a monetary value to the lives of the 9/11 victims. After what he go through, he
12. is
would probably say that it was impossible to give something as valuable as life a dollar
13. does
value. Life is more valuable than any gem on Earth. That is why it will not have a
monetary value and never should.
Deng, Alephonsion. “I Have Had to Learn to Live With Peace.” Newsweek 31
October, 2005: 16.
* “had to walk” is a phrasal modal so the whole phrase is the main verb and should be
underlined.
** “ran out of” is a three word verb
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Chapter 4-Answer Key
Verb Phrase
Tense
8/07
Rule
1. is
simple present
judgment/opinion
2. has
simple present
agrees with singular subject
3. are
simple present
agrees with plural subject
4. crossed
simple past
5. replaced
simple past
event completed at a specific time in the
past (in 1980’s)
event completed at a specific time in the
past (in 1980’s)
6. ate
simple past
event completed at a specific time in the
past (in 1980’s)
7. drank
simple past
8. did
simple past
9. had
simple past
10. has assigned
present perfect
11. went
simple past
12. is
simple present
event completed at a specific event in
the past (in 1980’s)
event completed at a specific time in the
past (in 1980’s)
event completed at a specific time in the
past (in 1980’s)
event in the recent past that is relevant
to the present
event completed at a specific time in the
past (in 1980’s)
judgment/opinion
13. does have
simple present
judgment/opinion
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CHAPTER 5: Sentence Focus and Defensible Assertions
“Racial Profiling”
Chapter Focus: Using Academic Language to Construct Arguments
Writers often can make choices about how they direct a reader’s attention. In constructing
arguments, they want the reader to focus on the most important element in the sentence.
Making choices about using passive or active constructions gives them that control.
Writers also use qualifying language to make sure that their assertions can be defended.
All the activities in this chapter are based on Bob Herbert, “Hounding the Innocent.”
Exercise 1: Guided composition activity
Teaching Focus: The purpose of this Guided Composition activity is to elicit a paragraph
of student writing on the topic of “Racial Profiling.” Teachers can informally diagnose
students’ strengths and weaknesses in the area of use of the passive and qualifying
words and structures. At the end of the unit, students will edit their paragraphs, applying
what they have learned during the “Sentence Focus and Defensible Assertions” unit.
They will then compare their paragraphs with the original, paying particular attention the
use of the passive and qualifying words and structures.
Directions to the teacher:
(1) Ask students to take out a blank sheet of paper.
(2) Instruct students to listen as you read the following paragraph at a normal rate of
speed. Then ask students to take notes while you read the paragraph again;
emphasize that the notes will be essential when they go to write their paragraph.
Alternately, write a series of key words or phrases on the board to guide
students.
(3) Ask them to reconstruct what they heard using their notes or the key words.
Students should compare what they have written with each other and make
changes as necessary.
(4) Collect the paragraphs at the end of the activity and save them. You will return
them to your students to edit at the end of the chapter.
According to Bob Herbert, ethnic profiling is practiced by law-enforcement
personnel throughout the country. From 1992 to 1995, 42,000 mostly Black or Hispanic
people were arrested for loitering. In 1999 the loitering law was declared
unconstitutional. In many parts of the country in the 1990’s, black and Hispanic motorists
were also pulled over simply because of their race. In New York, 45,000 people were
stopped and frisked, but only 10,000 were arrested. The director of the ACLU claimed,
“Virtually everybody who was arrested is innocent, and virtually everybody is not white.”
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Loitering laws can help to curb gang activity, but these laws may also be used to harass
innocent people. Most Americans have no idea how much racial profiling is carried out
by the police. Bob Herbert believes that citizens, as a result, are often humiliated by the
police. A strong stand must be taken against the use of racial profiling.
5.1 Passive Verbs
Forming the Passive
•
A passive verb always includes a form of be plus the participle of the verb.
(A participle is the ed/-en form of the verb.)
Examples: is practiced, was arrested, have been taken
•
In general, only verbs that have a direct object (transitive verbs) can occur in the
passive.
active: The police stopped motorists based on their race.
passive: Motorists were stopped by the police based on their race.
•
Therefore, verbs like be, agree, die, seem, happen, appear do not have passive
forms because they never have direct objects. However, some verbs can be either
transitive or intransitive with a slight change in meaning.
Intransitive (no direct object after the verb)
Active: Racial profiling happened in all major cities.
Incorrect: Racial profiling was happened in all major cities.
Intransitive (no direct object after the verb)
Active: The attitude towards racial profiling has changed a lot.
Transitive (a direct object follows the verb)
Active: The legislature has changed the law on loitering.
Passive: The anti-loitering law has been changed.
The doer of the action in an active sentence is the subject. In a passive sentence, the doer
is called the agent and is expressed in a prepositional phrase with "by."
Often the agent is omitted.
doer = subject
Active: The officer stopped the motorist for speeding.
doer = agent
Passive: The motorist was stopped (by the officer) for speeding.
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CHART 5.1 Forming the Passive
Past
Present
Future
_______________________________________________________________________
Active
The officer stopped
The officer stops
The officer will stop
the motorist yesterday.
her everyday.
her next week.
_______________________________________________________________________
Passive
The motorist was stopped
She is stopped
She will be stopped
yesterday.
every day.
next week.
_______________________________________________________________________
Active
The officer was stopping
The officer is stop(Not in common use)
the motorist.
ping her now.
_______________________________________________________________________
Passive
The motorist was being
The motorist is being (Not in common use)
stopped.
stopped now.
_______________________________________________________________________
Active
The officer had stopped
The officer has
The officer will have
the motorist.
stopped her.
stopped her by
tomorrow.
_______________________________________________________________________
Passive
The motorist had been
The motorist has
The motorist will
stopped.
been stopped.
have been stopped
by tomorrow.
_______________________________________________________________________
Active
The motorist should
The motorist should
have stopped.
stop.
_______________________________________________________________________
Passive
The motorist should
The motorist should
have been stopped.
be stopped.
Note: -ing and –ed forms of the verb can also be active or passive:
Being stopped by a law enforcement officer is a scary experience.
No one expects to be stopped without a good reason.
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Chapter 5
Exercise 2: Identifying passive verbs
Directions: Underline the subjects and double underline the passive verbs in the guided
composition. Put parentheses ( ) around the “by” phrases that indicate the agent.
1. According to Bob Herbert, ethnic profiling is practiced by law-enforcement personnel
throughout the country.
2. From 1992 to 1995, 42,000 mostly Black or Hispanic people were arrested for
loitering.
3. In 1999 the loitering law was declared unconstitutional.
4. In many parts of the country in the 1990’s, black and Hispanic motorists were also
pulled over simply because of their race.
5. In New York, 45,000 people were stopped and frisked, but only 10,000 were arrested.
6. The director of the ACLU claimed, “Virtually everybody who was arrested is innocent,
and virtually everybody is not white.”
7. Loitering laws can help to curb gang activity, but these laws may also be used to
harass innocent people.
8. Most Americans have no idea how much racial profiling is carried out by the police.
9. Bob Herbert believes that citizens, as a result, are often humiliated by the police.
10. A strong stand must be taken against the use of racial profiling.
Using Passive Verbs Effectively
1.
You may use the passive when the agent or doer of the action is not known, not
important, is obvious, or you don’t want to mention the agent.
Passive: John was arrested for loitering.
(The agent is obvious—when someone is arrested it is generally by the
police— so the writer doesn’t choose to express the agent.)
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2.
You may use the passive when you want the receiver of the action rather than the
agent of the action to be the subject. As a result, the focus of the sentence will be
on the receiver of the action, not the agent.
Passive: Many African-Americans and Hispanics have been stopped simply
because of their race.
(The writer has put “African-Americans and Hispanics” in the foreground by making them the
subject of the sentence. The agent is not specified although we can infer it is “the police.”)
3.
You may use the passive when you want to avoid the informality of using the
impersonal you or they.
Active: You should not stop innocent motorists based on their race.
Passive: Innocent motorists should not be stopped based on their race.
Exercise 3: Changing active verbs to passive verbs
Directions: Rewrite the following sentences from active to passive and indicate how the
focus of the sentence changes. If you include the agent in your rewrite, put the “by”
phrase in parentheses ( ). Talk with a partner about why a writer might choose one
focus instead of the other for each sentence.
1. In many parts of the country, law enforcement personnel pulled over black and
Hispanic motorists simply because of their race.
In many parts of the country, black and Hispanic motorists were pulled over simply
because of their race.
Active sentence focus: law enforcement personnel
Passive sentence focus: black and Hispanic motorists
2. In New York, the police stopped and frisked 45,000 people, but they only arrested
10,000.
Active sentence focus:
Passive sentence focus:
3. The police only stopped people who were not innocent.
Active sentence focus:
Passive sentence focus:
4. The extent of race-based profiling is unknown by most Americans.
Active sentence focus:
Passive sentence focus:
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5 People were told to move on and were arrested if they failed to move.
Active sentence focus:
Passive sentence focus:
6. But the police are supposed to protect citizens, not humiliate them.
Active sentence focus:
Passive sentence focus:
5. 2 MODALS
One special kind of helping verb is called a modal. They are different from other helping
verbs like “have, “do,” and “be.” Unlike those verbs, modals don’t have endings like
regular verbs. You say, “The policeman has stopped the car,” but you don’t say “The
policeman cans stop the speeding car.”
Modals are a special category of verbs that are used to express ability, possibility,
permission, certainty, necessity, obligation, preference and prediction. The meaning of
the modal changes the logical meaning of the main verb so the reader must make an
inference or a prediction:
• “The policeman stopped the speeding cars.” is just a statement of fact. If you
say, “The policeman might stop the speeding cars,” you are suggesting that it is
possible he will stop the cars, but there’s an equal chance he won’t.
• If you say, “The policeman should stop the speeding cars,” you are making a
recommendation, but just because you believe the policeman should stop the
speeding car, it doesn’t mean that he actually will.
• If you say, “The policeman must stop the speeding cars,” you are communicating
that you think it is urgent that he stop the speeding cars.
Using modals appropriately is an important way to communicate these and other precise
meanings to your readers.
Forming Verb Phrases with Modals
CHART 5.2A: Modals and Their Meanings
Modal
Possible Meanings
can
could
may
might
must
shall
should
will
would
Expository Reading and Writing Course
ability or permission
possibility or permission
possibility or permission
possibility or permission
degree of certainty or necessity
necessity
obligation
prediction
possibility or preference
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Chapter 5
Modals:
•
•
•
always come first in the verb phrase
always occur with a subject
always are followed by the simple form of the verb (or by the auxiliaries have and
be)
Note: Never put an “-s” or an “-ed” on a modal.
Never follow a modal by an infinitive (to + simple verb).
Racial profiling can happen anywhere right now.
Not “cans happen”.
Not “can to happen”.
It could happen to someone you know in the future.
It might be difficult to prevent.
Present/Future time modals:
•
•
are followed by the simple form of the verb or an auxiliary.
may refer either to the present or the future
The policeman now should avoid using racial profiling.
The policeman may avoid using racial profiling in the future.
Racial profiling must be stopped.
Racial profiling will end when we all realize how unjust it is.
Note: English does not have a real future tense. We use the modal “will” to predict what
will happen in the future.
Past time modals (modal perfects):
•
•
are followed by have and the past participle
may refer to either the past or the past of a future point
The policeman may have avoided using racial profiling in the past.
(It’s possible that the policeman did not use racial profiling.)
Racial profiling should have ended by the time our children are adults.
(By the time in the future when our children are adults, racial profiling will no longer exist, but
it has not ended yet.)
Exceptions:
•
could plus the simple form of the verb is used to refer to a past time (ability)
From 1992 to 1995 law enforcement officials could arrest people based on their
ethnicity.
(In the past the officials had the ability to use racial profiling; nothing stopped them.)
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Phrasal Modals
Some verbs have the same meaning as modals but they are formed like regular verbs.
They have an -s in the third person singular, present tense, and are followed by an infinitive
CHART 5.2B: Phrasal Modals and Equivalent Modals
Phrasal Modals
be able to
be going to
are about to
have to
have got to
be supposed to
ought to
be allowed to
be likely to
to be about to
Modals
We are able to stop racial profiling.
We are going to stop racial profiling.
We are about to stop racial profiling.
We have to stop racial profiling
We have got to stop racial profiling
We are supposed to stop racial profiling.
We ought to stop racial profiling.
We are allowed to stop racial profiling.
We are likely to stop racial profiling.
We are about to stop racial profiling.
can
will
We can stop racial profiling.
We will stop racial profiling.
must
We must stop racial profiling
should We should stop racial profiling
may
We may stop racial profiling.
could We could stop racial profiling.
would We would stop racial profiling.
Note: Both phrasal modals and modals are followed by the simple form of the verb.
Exercise 4: Identifying modals and their meanings
Based on a student essay on Racial Profiling
Directions: Read the following paragraphs from a student essay about racial profiling.
Double underline the complete verb phrases in the passage; circle the modals and phrasal
modals.
Because of their position of authority, police may use their authority to shame
members of minority groups. Statistics show that a police officer is more likely to pull over a
black man for speeding than a white man. When someone is judged by skin color or
accent, it can be shameful and humiliating. It’s not fair; it’s not equal; it’s not just. Police
officers should protect and serve everyone, not just white people.
If people are judged daily by skin color and nationality, unity will cease to exist.
How can people unite if they cannot look past the surface? Racial profiling may be the
greatest cause of division among Americans. “United we stand, but divided we fall.” If
America cannot look past its differences, this problem could become worse. If that
happens, America, the land of the great, will fall.
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Directions: Fill in the chart below with the verb phrases that have modals or phrasal
modals. Indicate the meaning of the modal or phrase modal in the second column.
Verb Phrase with Modal/Phrasal Modal
Meaning
1. may use
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
ability
Exercise 5: Using modals
Directions: Complete the following sentences using a modal or functional modal.
1. After the antiloitering law was declared unconstitutional, Chicago police _____________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
2. Most Americans ________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
3. The safety of ordinary citizens _____________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
4. In the future, the color of someone’s skin _____________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
5. Being in the presence of suspected gang members ____________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
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5.3 MAKING ASSERTIONS THAT CAN BE SUPPORTED
Academic writers often make generalizations as they explain an issue and argue for their
position. However, they do not want to alienate their audience by being too direct or
assertive or by making claims that cannot be supported.
Too general: Law enforcement professionals use racial profiling.
More defensible: In the 1990’s law enforcement professionals in many major cities often
used racial profiling.
Defensible assertions often answer the following questions:
•
•
•
•
•
•
Who is doing something?
How often does it happen?
How likely is it?
Under what circumstances does it happen?
When does it happen?
Where does it happen?
Writers use a variety of strategies to answer these questions. Active verbs or passives with
agents indicate who is doing the action. Modals indicate that an assertion is possible or
probable but not a fact. Adverbs (words that modify verbs) or verbs themselves can
indicate how often something happens, or that a statement is not black-and-white but that
there is room for doubt, or that it is true under some circumstances but not true under
others.
Sometimes writers want to make the strongest assertion possible because they feel
strongly that their position is the only possible one. In that case, they will not qualify their
position, but they then must be careful to persuade their audience that their position is
correct.
Intentionally strong assertion: Racial profiling is morally wrong under all circumstances.
STRATEGIES FOR MAKING ASSERTIONS DEFENSIBLE
Indicate who: change passives to active or specify agent
The arrests were made in order to combat gang activity.
The police in Chicago made the arrests in order to combat gang
activity.
The arrests were made by the police in Chicago in order to
combat gang activity.
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Indicate frequency: use adverbs like sometimes, always, often, usually, generally,
rarely, occasionally
Too general:
More defensible;
The laws were aimed at curbing gang activity.
Sometimes laws were aimed at curbing gang activity.
Too general:
More defensible:
The stops resulted in arrests.
The stops rarely resulted in arrests.
Indicate probability: use modals like may, might, can, could, or use adverbs like
possibly, probably, generally, or use nouns like a possibility, a probability
Too general:
More defensible:
Too general:
More defensible:
Police stops are in no way connected to the commission of a
specific crime.
Police stops may not be connected to the commission of a specific
crime.
There is a possibility that police stops are not connected to the
commission of a specific crimes.
Innocent people are stopped, frisked, and harassed.
Innocent people can be stopped, frisked, and harassed.
Innocent people are possibly stopped, frisked, and harassed.
Indicate uncertainty: use verbs like seem, appear, tend, suggest
Too general:
More defensible:
The statistics show that police use racial profiling.
The statistics seem to show that police use racial profiling.
Too general:
More defensible;
Everybody is innocent.
Everybody appears to be innocent.
Indicate quantity: use quantifiers like few, some, many, most, virtually
Too general:
More defensible:
Arrests were made based on racial profiling.
Many arrests were made based on racial profiling.
Too general:
More defensible:
Everybody is innocent.
Virtually everybody is innocent
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Exercise 6: Revising Sentences to Make Assertions Defensible
Based on Sentences from Student Essays on Racial Profiling
Directions: Rewrite these sentences to answer the following questions:
•
•
•
•
•
•
Who is doing something?
How often does it happen?
How likely is it?
Under what circumstances does it happen?
When does it happen?
Where does it happen?
Then explain how you would be able to defend the assertions in your revised sentence.
1. These arrests are believed to be due to racial profiling.
Bob Herbert believed that these arrests in Chicago for loitering in the 1990s were due to
racial profiling.
I can defend my assertion because I have indicated where and when the arrests
took place and specified who believes the arrests were due to racial profiling.
2. Police use their authority to shame members of minority groups.
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
3. People are judged daily because of skin color and nationality.
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
4. If racial profiling continues, America, the land of the great, will fall.
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
5. Judging someone by the way he or she looks helps the search for terrorists.
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
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6. There are really not any benefits to racial profiling because racial profiling is
completely wrong no matter what.
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
7. Traffic stops based on racial profiling are in no way connected to the commission of a
specific crime.
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
8. Racial profiling has always been a negative affliction to society.
______________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
5.4 STUDENT WRITING
Exercise 7: Editing student writing
Based on a student essay on “Racial Profiling”
Directions: Revise assertions in the paragraph below that are too general, and make
passive verbs more precise by changing to active form. Use the following questions as a
guide:
•
•
•
•
•
•
Who is doing something?
How often does it happen?
How likely is it?
Under what circumstances does it happen?
When does it happen?
Where does it happen?
If you need to rewrite an entire sentence, asterisk* the sentence and write your new
version at the end of the paragraph.
Racial profiling helps officers determine likely suspects, but blindly accepting
stereotypes leads law enforcement in the wrong direction. After the Oklahoma City
bombing, people suspected the crime had been committed by Middle Eastern terrorists.
Instead, the bomber turned out to be a white male and U.S. Army veteran who had
earned a Bronze Star. He seemed like the least likely person to commit such a crime.
Similarly, the well-to-do John Walker Lindh was an unlikely candidate for a Taliban
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fighter, but he had left Marin County and traveled to Afghanistan to join the jihad.
Focusing on race or ethnicity diverts attention from the real perpetrators of crimes, and
profiling always stands in the way of effective law enforcement. However, the use of
profiling has actually grown since September 11. According to Amnesty International,
the human rights organization, not only does the practice of profiling by race, religion,
and national origin violate human rights, but it is also totally counter-productive.
Exercise 8: Editing your guided composition
Directions to the teacher:
(1) Use an overhead projector or computer to project the Guided Composition
paragraph and ask students to read along as you read it out loud.
(2) Then project a student paragraph and discuss with the class the differences
between the original and the student paragraph (both paragraphs need to be
projected simultaneously).
(3) Return the student paragraphs and ask them to edit based on what they’ve
learned by doing the activities in the chapter. Don’t give them access to the
original while they are doing this. Direct them to revise assertions in the
paragraph that are too general, and make passive verbs more precise by
changing to active form.
(4) Ask students to compare their edited version with the original.
(5) Debrief by asking students what they learned through the comparison and what
they can apply to their own writing.
Exercise 9: Editing your own writing
Directions: Pick a paragraph from your essay.
•
•
•
•
Revise assertions in the paragraph that are too general, and make passive verbs
more precise by changing to active form.
Put a question mark (?)in the margin next to any sentences that you are unsure
about.
Exchange your paragraph with a partner and discuss any questions you have
about your partner’s marking. Check with your teacher if you can’t agree on an
answer.
Now edit the rest of your essay by revising assertions that are too general and
making passive verbs more precise by changing to active form.
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CHAPTER 5: Sentence Focus and Defensible Assertions
Answer Key
Exercise 2: Identifying passive verbs
1. According to Bob Herbert, ethnic profiling is practiced (by law-enforcement
personnel) throughout the country.
2. From 1992 to 1995, 42,000 mostly Black or Hispanic people were arrested for
loitering.
3. In 1999 the loitering law was declared unconstitutional.
4. In many parts of the country, black and Hispanic motorists were pulled over* simply
because of their race.
5. In New York, 45,000 people were stopped and frisked, but only 10,000 were arrested.
6. The director of the ACLU claimed, “Virtually everybody who has been arrested is
innocent, and virtually everybody is not white.”
7. Most Americans have no idea of how much racial profiling is carried out* (by the
police.)
8. The laws were often designed to curb gang activity but have been used to harass
innocent people.
9. Bob Herbert believes that citizens, as a result, are often humiliated (by the police).
10. A strong stand must be taken against the use of racial profiling.
* two word verb
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Chapter 5-Answer Key
Exercise 3: Changing active verbs to passive verbs
1. In many parts of the country, law enforcement personnel pulled over black and
Hispanic motorists simply because of their race.
In many parts of the country, black and Hispanic motorists were pulled over simply
because of their race.
Active sentence focus: law enforcement personnel
Passive sentence focus: black and Hispanic motorists
2. In New York, the police stopped and frisked 45,000 people, but they only arrested
10,000.
In New York, 45,000 people were stopped and frisked, but only 10,000 were arrested.
Active sentence focus: the police
Passive sentence focus: 45,000 people
3. The police only stopped people who were not innocent.
Only people who were not innocent were stopped.
Active sentence focus: police
Passive sentence focus: people who were not innocent
4. Most Americans have no idea how much police carry out racial profiling.
Most Americans have no idea how much racial profiling is carried out (by police).
Active sentence focus: police
Passive sentence focus: racial profiling
5. Legislators designed the laws to curb gang activity.
The laws were designed to curb gang activity.
Active sentence focus: legislators
Passive sentence focus: laws
6. But the police are supposed to protect citizens, not humiliate them.
But citizens are supposed by be protected (by the police), not be humiliated by them.
Active sentence focus: the police
Passive sentence focus: citizens
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Exercise 4: Identifying modals and their meanings
Because of their position of authority, police may use their authority to shame
members of minority groups. Statistics show that a police officer is more likely to pull over
a black man for speeding than a white man. When someone is judged by skin color or
accent, it can be shameful and humiliating. It’s not fair; it’s not equal; it’s not just. Police
officers should protect and serve everyone, not just white people.
If people are judged daily by skin color and nationality, unity will cease to exist.
How can people unite if they cannot look past the surface? Racial profiling may be the
greatest cause of division among Americans. “United we stand, but divided we fall.” If
America cannot look past its differences, this problem could become worse. If that
happens, America, the land of the great, will fall.
Verb Phrase with Modal/Phrasal Modal
Meaning
1. may use
2. is likely to
3. can be
4. should protect and serve
5. will cease
6. can unite
7. can look
8. may be
9. can look
10. could become
11. will fall
ability
degree of certainty
ability
necessity
prediction
ability
ability
possibility
ability
possibility
prediction
Exercise 5: Using modals
(possible responses)
1. After the antiloitering law was declared unconstitutional, Chicago police could no longer
use the law to target African-Americans and Hispanics.
2. Most Americans would not want racial profiling to happen to them.
3. The safety of ordinary citizen ought to be the first concern of law enforcement.
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4. In the future, the color of someone’s skin should not be used as a cause to arrest them.
5. Being in the presence of suspected gang members sometimes can be a reason for police
surveillance.
Exercise 6: Revising sentences to make assertions defensible
Based on sentences from student essays on racial profiling
(possible responses)
1. These arrests are believed to be due to racial profiling.
Bob Herbert believed that these arrests in Chicago in the 1990s were due to racial
profiling.
I can defend my assertion because I have indicated where and when the arrests
took place and specified who believes the arrests were due to racial profiling.
2. Police use their authority to shame members of minority groups.
Some members of the police may use their authority to shame members of minority
groups.
I can defend my assertion because I have specified that only some members of
the police misuse their authority.
3. People are judged daily because of skin color and nationality.
Authorities may judge members of minority groups because of their skin color and
nationality.
I can defend my assertion because I've specified who might use racial profiling
and who they might use it against.
4. If racial profiling continues, America, the land of the great, will fall.
If racial profiling continues, it is likely to damage American society.
I could defend my assertion because I predict that racial profiling probably will be
harmful to society, but I don't absolutely say that it will.
5. Judging someone by the way he or she looks helps the search for terrorists.
Judging someone by the way he or she looks could possibly help the search for
terrorists.
I could defend my assertion because I acknowledge that racial profiling might
possibly be useful in fighting terrorism.
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6. There are really not any benefits to racial profiling because racial profiling is
completely wrong no matter what.
There are few benefits to racial profiling because it is generally counterproductive.
I could defend my assertion because I've indicated that there might be some
benefits and racial profiling might not be always counterproductive.
7. Harassing black and Hispanic motorists, who are perfectly innocent, on streets and
highways is just completely dumb.
Harassing black and Hispanic motorists, who may be innocent, on streets and
highways is unjustified.
I could defend my assertion because I've indicated that I recognize that not all
black and Hispanic motorists are perfectly innocent while I've still maintained that
harassing them Is not justified.
8. Traffic stops based on racial profiling are in no way connected to the commission of a
specific crime.
Traffic stops based on racial profiling are usually not connected to the commission of
a specific crime.
I can defend my assertion because I’ve suggested that the traffic stops are not
connected to a crime in most cases, but it’s possible that some cases may be.
9. Racial profiling has always been a negative affliction to society.
Since the 1990’s, racial profiling in the United States has been an affliction to
society.
I can defend my assertion because I’ve limited it to the time period for which I
have evidence and I’ve specified the United States because I don’t know about
racial profiling in other countries.
Exercise 7: Editing student writing
(Possible response)
In the area of law enforcement, racial profiling is designed to help officers
determine likely suspects, but blindly accepting stereotypes can lead law enforcement in
the wrong direction. After the Oklahoma City bombing, some officials suspected the
crime had been committed by Middle Eastern terrorists. Instead, the bomber turned out
to be a white male and U.S. Army veteran who had earned a Bronze Star. He seemed
like the least likely person to commit such a crime. Similarly, the well-to-do John Walker
Lindh seemed an unlikely candidate for a Taliban fighter, but he had left Marin County
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Chapter 5-Answer Key
and traveled to Afghanistan allegedly to join the jihad. In many cases, focusing on race
or ethnicity can divert attention from the real perpetrators of crimes, and some legal
experts believe that profiling may stand in the way of effective law enforcement.
However, statistics suggest that the use of profiling has actually grown since September
11. Amnesty International, the human rights organization, maintains that not only does
the practice of profiling by race, religion, and national origin violate human rights, but it is
also usually counter-productive.
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CHAPTER 6: Connecting Ideas in Expository Writing
“Juvenile Justice”
Chapter Focus: Writers use three main methods to show the logical relationships
between clauses and the ideas they express:
•
•
•
Coordination: and, nor, but, or, for, yet, and so
Subordination: words like because, after, and although.
Linking with transitions: words like therefore, thus, and however
These words can express logical relationships such as adding one idea to another,
suggesting alternative ideas, or showing that one idea is the result of another idea. In
expository writing, clear relationships between ideas are essential for making convincing
arguments and providing supporting information.
Exercise 1: Guided composition activity
Based on Adam Liptak, “Supreme Court to Rule on Executing Young Killers”
Teaching Focus: The purpose of this Guided Composition activity is to elicit a paragraph
of student writing on the topic of “Juvenile Justice.” Teachers can informally diagnose
students’ strengths and weaknesses in the area of sentence variety and the use of the
coordinaton, subordination, and transition words to show logical relationships. At the end
of the unit, students will edit their paragraphs, applying what they have learned during
the “Connecting Ideas in Expository Writing” unit. They will then compare their
paragraphs with the original, paying particular attention the use of the passive and
qualifying words and structures.
Directions to the teacher:
(1) Ask students to take out a blank sheet of paper.
(2) Instruct students to listen as you read the following paragraph at a normal rate of
speed. Then ask students to take notes while you read the paragraph again;
emphasize that the notes will be essential when they go to write their paragraph.
Alternately, write a series of key words or phrases on the board to guide
students.
(3) Ask them to reconstruct what they heard using their notes or the key words.
Students should compare what they have written with each other and make
changes as necessary.
(4) Collect the paragraphs at the end of the activity and save them. You will return
them to your students to edit at the end of the chapter.
After the Supreme Court agreed to review the juvenile death penalty, Robert
Acuna was put on trial for his life. He had killed two elderly neighbors. His youth should
have counted in his favor because he was only 17. Instead, his brooding adolescent
behavior may have hurt him, and the jury sentenced him to die. If the Supreme Court
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prohibits the execution of juveniles, 71 other juveniles on death row will be spared. The
Court will consider whether putting youths on death row is cruel and unusual
punishment, or if it is justified. Teenagers are more likely to confess, and they may not
fully understand the justice system. Also, jurors may mistakenly believe that the
adolescent brain is fully developed; therefore, they may not be the best judges of
whether juveniles should die for their crimes.
6.1: CONNECTING IDEAS USING COORDINATION
Coordination is used to connect two ideas that are equally important. Each idea
is expressed in a main clause, and the coordinating word comes before the second
clause. (A main clause has a subject and a verb. Review Chapters 1 and 2 if you are
unsure about what a clause is.)
main clause
comma + coordinating word
Example: Each idea is expressed in an main clause, and
main clause
the coordinating word comes before the second clause.
CHART 6.1: The Meaning of Coordinating Words
coordinating word
meaning
and
addition of equally important idea
but, yet
contrast of equally important ideas
or
choice between two equally important ideas
so
second clause is the result of the first
for
second clause is the cause of the first
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Exercise 2: Identifying coordinating words and logical relationships
Based on Adam Liptak, “Supreme Court to Rule on Executing Young Killers”
Directions: Circle the coordinating word, and identify the relationship it expresses in the
following sentences:
1. Robert Acuna was very nonchalant, and he laughed at inappropriate things.
Logical relationship:
2. His behavior alienated the jury, but he may not have understood what was
happening.
Logical relationship:
3. Does the small number of juveniles sentenced to death show that the system is
working, or does it show that the punishment is cruel and unusual?
Logical relationship:
4. Jurors may not believe research about teenage brains, so they may believe juveniles
should be sentenced like adults.
Logical relationship:
Circle the commas in the sentences above. Is the rule the same for all the sentences?
Punctuation rule: ________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
6.2: CONNECTINGING IDEAS USING SUBORDINATION
Every sentence must have a main clause; however, some sentences also have a
clause that depends on the main clause to form a complete sentence. This clause is
called a subordinate clause and begins with a subordinating word.
CHART 6.2A Expressing Logical Relationships with Subordination
______________________________________________________________________
Reason: because, since
Time: when, after, while, before, since, as soon as, once, until, whenever
Opposition/Contrast: although, though, even though, while
Condition: if, when(ever), unless, otherwise
Result/Purpose: so . . . that, so that, in order that
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Example:
main clause
The main clause can stand alone
subordinating word
subordinate clause
while the subordinate clause must be connected to another clause.
The logical relationship between these two clauses is contrast.
CHART 6.2B: Punctuation of Sentences with Subordinate Clauses
______________________________________________________________________
Subordinate Clause,
Because
S + V + (Object)
Since . . .
While . . .
When . . .
Although . . .
Main Clause
S + V + (Object).
,
,
,
,
,
Main Clause
S + V + (Object)
Subordinate Clause
because . . .
since. . .
while . . .
when . . .
although . . .
.
If the subordinate clause comes first, it is always followed by a comma. If the main
clause comes first, no comma is needed.
Exercise 3: Identifying subordinating words and logical relationships
Based on Adam Liptak, “Supreme Court to Rule on Executing Young Killers”
Directions: Highlight the subordinating word, and identify the relationship it expresses in
the following sentences:
1. Whenever a teenager commits a brutal crime, it often attracts great publicity.
Logical relationship:
2. Justice Scalia argued for leaving the decision to juries so that the worst of the worst
would receive the death penalty.
Logical relationship:
3. Since age can shape every aspect of a capital case, questions are raised about how
reliable and consistent jurors have been.
Logical relationship:
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4. Jurors observe juvenile offenders closely so that they can draw conclusions about
their guilt.
Logical relationship:
5. Although some jurors believe that adolescents have diminished responsibility, others
view them as a terrible danger to society.
Logical relationship:
6. When Acuna was in front of the jury, he was nonchalant and laughed at inappropriate
things.
Logical relationship:
Circle the commas in the sentences above. Why do some sentences have commas and
others do not?
Punctuation rule: ________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
Problems with subordination:
BECAUSE/BECAUSE OF
Because introduces a subordinate clause; because of introduces a noun phrase.
Subordinate Clause: Because Mr. Acuna looked tough, the jury thought he was
guilty.
Noun Phrase: He was convicted because of his age.
WHILE
While can refer to time and mean during; while can also express concession and mean
although.
Time: While Mr. Acuna was on trial, someone tried to make him look young.
Concession: While some jurors believe juveniles should be treated leniently,
others believe they should be sentenced like adults.
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SINCE
Since can refer to time from a particular point in the past; since can express a reason
and mean because.
Time: Two years had passed since Simmons had committed the crime.
Reason: The prosecutor said that Christopher Simmons should be sentenced
as an adult since he brutally murdered an elderly couple.
EVEN THOUGH/EVEN
Even though expresses concession and means the same as although. Even is a
modifier and is used to emphasize that something is surprising or unexpected. It is
followed by a noun phrase.
Concession: Even though Tate was not an adult, the prosecutor argued that he
should be sentenced as one.
Emphasis: Even the most liberal juror might be influenced by the brutality of the
crime.
ALTHOUGH/BUT
Although is a subordinating word that expresses concession. But is a coordinating word
that expresses opposition or contrast. They cannot both be used in the same sentence.
Concession: Although Nathaniel Brazill was only fourteen years old, he was
found guilty of second-degree murder.
Contrast: Nathaniel Brazill was only fourteen years old, but he was found guilty
of second-degree murder.
Incorrect: Although Nathaniel Brazill was only fourteen years old, but he was
found guilty of second-degree murder.
6.3: CONNECTING IDEAS USING TRANSITIONS
Transitions, like coordinating words, are used to connect ideas that are of equal
importance. They join two separate sentences; therefore, either a semicolon or a period
must be used at the end of the first sentence. Place the transition at the beginning of the
second sentence, and always place a comma after the transition.
Example:
sentence
semicolon
They join two separate sentences;
transition + comma
sentence
therefore, either a semicolon or a period must be used at the end of the first sentence.
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Chapter 6
Exercise 4: Identifying transitions and logical relationships
Based on Lundstrom, “Kids are kids—until they commit crimes”
Directions: Circle the transition, and identify the relationship it expresses in the following
sentences:
1. Lionel Tate is only 14; however, he might be sentenced to life in prison.
Logical relationship:
contrast
2. Teenagers under 18 aren’t allowed to smoke, drink, or vote; nevertheless, we are
eager to try and sentence them as adults when they commit crimes.
Logical relationship:
3. We don’t really believe that fourteen year olds are adults; otherwise, we would let
them vote.
Logical relationship:
4. We’ve created an image that teenagers should be feared; meanwhile, juvenile crime
is way down.
Logical relationship:
5. Statistics don’t bear out the hysteria; for example, the juvenile arrest rate for murder
fell 68% from 1993 to 1999.
Logical relationship:
Circle the semicolons and commas in the sentences above.
Punctuation rule:
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CHART 6.3: WORDS THAT CONNECT IDEAS
Logical
relationship
Addition
Coordinating
Subordinating
Words
Words/Phrases
and, not only . . . but
also, both . . . and
Concession or
Contrast
but, yet
Alternatives,
choice, or option
Cause or Reason
or, nor, either . . . or,
neither . . . nor
for
Result
so
Purpose
because, since, as,
in that
so that, such that
so that, in order
that, (in order) to*
if, even if, unless,
provided that, as
long as, when(ever),
wherever
when, after, before,
until, till, as, while,
since, once, now
that, whenever, as
soon as, by the time
that
where, wherever
Condition
Time or Sequence
Place
Comparison or
Contrast
Restatement
although, though,
while, even though,
in spite of the fact
that
but
whereas, if
Example,
Generalization, or
Conclusion
Transition
Words/Phrases
in addition,
furthermore,
moreover, also,
besides
however,
nevertheless, on the
other hand, still, in
contrast, instead, on
the contrary
alternatively, on the
other hand
therefore,
consequently, thus,
for that reason
as a result,
therefore, thus,
consequently, for
this reason
otherwise
then, first, second,
third, finally, next
afterwards, after
that, before that,
meanwhile, at first,
eventually
similarly, likewise, in
contrast
in other words, that
is
for example, for
instance, in general,
overall, in
conclusion
* “In order that” is followed by a subordinate clause: In order that juries can be impartial, they
have to understand juvenile psychology.
“in order to” is followed by a phrase: In order to win sympathy in juvenile trials, defense
lawyers try to demonstrate that their client is just an ordinary kid.
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Chapter 6
Exercise 5: Using connecting words to join clauses
Based on Lundstrom, “Kids are kids—until they commit crimes”
Directions: Rewrite the following sentences from the previous exercises using
alternative connecting words and phrases. Make sure the logical relationship stays the
same. Check that you have punctuated the sentences correctly. Underline the new
connecting word or phrase.
1. Since age can shape every aspect of a capital case, questions are raised about how
reliable and consistent jurors have been.
Rewrite with a transition:
2. Although some jurors believe that adolescents have diminished responsibility and
should be treated leniently, others view them as a terrible danger to society.
Rewrite with a coordinating word:
3. Despite the fact that he is only 14, Lionel Tate might be sentenced to life in prison.
Rewrite with a transition:
4. Teenagers under 18 aren’t allowed to smoke, drink, or vote; nevertheless, we are
eager to try and sentence them as adults when they commit crimes.
Rewrite with a subordinating word:
5. We don’t really believe that fourteen year olds are adults; otherwise, we would let
them vote.
Rewrite with a subordinating word:
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Chapter 6
Exercise 6: Writing sentences using connecting words
Based on Greg Krikorian, “Many kids called unfit for adult trial”
Using Greg Krikorian, “Many kids called unfit for adult trial,” in a small group write
original sentences using the three connecting methods. Highlight the connecting word
and circle commas and semicolons, if needed, and label the kind of connecting word you
used. Make sure that your sentences are accurate and that the connecting word or
phrase expresses the correct logical relationship between the ideas. Edit your
sentences to be sure they are correctly formed and punctuated.
1. Thousands of juveniles are tried as adults in the U.S; however, they may not be
competent to stand trial. (transition)
2. ____________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
3. ____________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
4. ____________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
5. ____________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
6. ____________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
6.4 STUDENT WRITING
Exercise 7: Editing student writing to make logical connections clear
Directions: Use the three ways to combine clauses to improve the following passage
from a student essay. Highlight the connecting words and circle the punctuation that you
use with them.
Some people would say that teenagers should know right from wrong. Teenagers are
very young. Do we, as teenagers, know right from wrong? We are prone to do things.
They are frowned on by adults. We are in a stage of life. We are most susceptible to
peer-pressure. During my own limited research, I have found something surprising.
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Chapter 6
Teenagers feel the death penalty should be strongly enforced. They believe teens
should be treated as adults. The teenagers I interviewed believed that we should face
the consequences of our actions like adults. Jurors should not accept excuses like,
“Well, I’m just a kid and it was a stupid mistake.” Adults were faced with the question of
whether adolescents should be tried as adults. They said they didn’t have the “power” or
“right” to judge whether someone should die or not. Teenagers should face up to their
actions. They should accept the consequences of their behavior. The death penalty
should not be applied to any person. No one has the right to judge that someone else
should die.
Exercise 8: Editing your guided composition
Directions to the teacher:
(1) Use an overhead projector or computer to project the Guided Composition
paragraph and ask students to read along as you read it out loud.
(2) Then project a student paragraph and discuss with the class the differences
between the original and the student paragraph (both paragraphs need to be
projected simultaneously).
(3) Return the student paragraphs and ask them to edit based on what they’ve
learned by doing the activities in the chapter. Don’t give them access to the original
while they are doing this. Direct them to revise assertions in the paragraph that are
too general, and make passive verbs more precise by changing to active form.
(4) Ask students to fill in the chart below for the original paragraph and for their
paragraph..
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Chapter 6
CONNECTING
WORD
CONNECTING METHOD
LOGICAL RELATIONSHIP
subordination
time
Original paragraph
1. after
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
Your paragraph
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
(5) Debrief by asking students what they learned through the comparison and what
they can apply to their own writing.
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Chapter 6
6.5 CONNECTING IDEAS USING PARALLEL STRUCTURE
Coordinating words are used not only to connect main clauses, but also to join other
elements in sentences: verb phrases, infinitives, –ing forms, nouns, noun phrases,
adjectives, adverbs, and subordinate clauses. When two matching grammatical
structures are joined by coordinating words, we call them parallel structures. Using
parallel structures shows that the elements are equal and enables writers to write more
varied and interesting sentences.
To make elements in a sentence parallel, use the same grammatical form (nouns,
adjectives, verbs, phrases, clauses, etc.) for each element in the series. Use a
conjunction (and, but, or, either . . . or, neither . . . nor) to join the elements.
Parallel Structures
Verb phrases
Example
Nathanial Brazil would be tried as an adult and (would)* face life
in prison.
Infinitives
His inability to give a reason or (to)* understand his sentence
indicated he was not really an adult.
--ing words
Studying the brain and showing how it changes as children grow
up may explain the behavior of teens.
Nouns/noun phrases Reporters and advocates for teens ask if new studies explain the
erratic behavior of teenagers.
Adjectives
I believe the behavior of teens is neither impulsive nor erratic.
Adverbs
I don’t believe teens behave either impulsively or erratically.
Subordinate Clauses
--that clauses
The jury ruled that Brazill would be tried as an adult and (that
he)* was guilty of second-degree murder.
--who clauses
Brazill, who looked dazed during his trial and (who)* could not
explain why he killed his teacher, was nevertheless tried as an
adult.
*Note: Words that are part of a parallel structure do not have to be repeated if they are
the same in the second structure. However, it is all right to repeat them to make the
parallel structure clear. A pronoun may replace a noun in the second parallel structure.
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Chapter 6
Exercise 9: Identifying Parallel Elements
Based on Paul Thompson, “Startling Finds on Teenage Brains”
Directions: Underline the parallel elements in the following sentences.
1. My research group has scanned the brains of kids from 3 to 20 and has pieced
together “movies” showing how brains develop.
2. Language systems and mathematical systems develop at different times.
3. In children brain growth and skill development occur together.
4. The loss of brain tissue in teenagers was massive and dramatic.
5. Brain cells and connections are lost during the teenage years in the areas controlling
impulses, risk-taking, and self-contrlol.
6. The frontal lobes of the brain regulate our emotions and are vastly immature
throughout the teenage years.
7. Prosecutors said that he brought a gun to school and that therefore he planned the
crime.
8. Scientists say that teenagers, who have lost brain cells and who have less selfcontrol, should not be treated like adults.
Exercise 10: Editing Sentences for parallel structure
Based on Marjie Lundstrom, “Kids are kids—until they commit crimes”
Directions: Rewrite the following sentences to make the relevant elements parallel.
Underline the parallel elements.
1. A judge will decide whether Lionel Tate is a child or should he be tried as an adult.
2. Kids under 18 can’t smoke, drink, or going to R movies without our permission.
3. The immaturity of juveniles is the reason why they don’t vote, having curfews, and
have their driving privileges restricted.
4. Charging children as adults is inconsistent and unfairly because of their immaturity.
5. Today we see criminal defendants who cannot shave, still playing with fire trucks, and
loved to act out scenes from video games.
6. Kids’ brains are different and still develop.
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Chapter 6
Exercise 11: Completing sentences with parallel elements
Based on Marjie Lundstrom, “Kids are kids—until they commit crimes”
Directions: Complete the following sentences by adding parallel elements so that the
sentences make sense in the context of the topic of juvenile justice. Underline the
parallel elements.
1. The kids’ crimes are heinous and ________________________________________.
2. The zeal to round up kids and ___________________________________________.
3. The two seemingly “good kids” brutally and ________________________________.
4. The nation’s juvenile arrest rate for murder fell and __________________________.
5. The media have perpetuated the image of violent children and _________________.
6. Research suggests that sentencing adolescents as adults creates career criminals
and __________________________________________________________________.
6.6 EDITING STUDENT WRITING
Exercise 12: Editing student writing for parallel structure
Based on a student essay on “Juvenile Justice”
Directions: Find the elements in this essay that should be parallel and correct them so
that they are parallel. Write the new version on a separate sheet of paper. Then
underline the parallel structures.
As a high school student I am up close and personally with teens every day of
my life. Some of these kids are bright and maturely, but there are others who are
obviously not. I have seen boys snort bleach to make their classmates laugh or drinking
liquid dish soap in order to win ten dollars. When they were doing these stunts, they
were not thinking that they could be injured or getting sick. All they were thinking was
that they could get a few kicks out of it and made their friends think they were cool.
Another thing I have seen is teenage emotion. Teenagers have strong emotions and
moody. I have seen brutal fights break out over name calling and insulting. I have seen
a kid breaking down and bawl their eyes out over a failed test. Emotions are not an
excuse for violent behavior, but if you mix emotions with poor decision making skills, you
are definitely in for a disaster.
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Chapter 6
Exercise 13: Editing your own writing
Directions: Pick a paragraph from your essay on juvenile justice.
•
•
•
Add any connecting words that would make the connections between your ideas
clearer.
Underline the parallel structures that you have used and make sure they are
correct.
Put a question mark (?) in the margin next to any connecting words or parallel
structures that you are unsure about.
Exchange your paragraph with a partner and discuss any questions you have about you
partner’s marking. Check with your teacher if you can’t agree on an answer. Now edit
the rest of your essay for connecting word and parallel structure errors. Add connecting
words or parallel elements as needed.
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CHAPTER 6: Connecting Ideas in Expository Writing
Answer Key
Exercise 2: Identifying coordinating words and logical relationships
1. Robert Acuna was very nonchalant, and he laughed at inappropriate things.
Logical relationship: adds one equally important idea to another
2. His behavior alienated the jury, but he may not have understood what was
happening.
Logical relationship: contrasts two equally important ideas
3. Does the small number of juveniles sentenced to death show that the system is
working, or does it show that the punishment is cruel and unusual?
Logical relationship: gives alternative between two equally important ideas
4. Jurors may not believe research about teenage brains, so they may believe juveniles
should be sentenced like adults.
Logical relationship: links an idea with its consequence
Punctuation rule: a comma comes after the first clause and before the coordinating
word
Exercise 3: Identifying subordinating words and logical relationships
1. Whenever a teenager commits a brutal crime, it attracts great publicity.
Logical relationship: the subordinating clause indicates a condition; the main clause
indicates the consequence.
(“Whenever” has the meaning of “if” and indicates that publicity is the consequence of a
teenager committing a crime. Contrast to #6 where “when” indicates time.)
2. Justice Scalia argued for leaving the decision to juries so that the worst of the worst
would receive the death penalty.
Logical relationship: the subordinating clause indicates the consequence of the main
clause.
(Scalia believed that the result of leaving the decision to juries would be that the worst of
the worst would receive the death penalty.)
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Chapter 6-Answer Key
3. Since age can shape every aspect of a capital case, questions are raised about how
reliable and consistent jurors have been.
Logical relationship: the subordinating clause indicates the cause of the event in the
main clause.
(Questions are raised because age shapes capital cases.)
4. Jurors examine juvenile offenders closely so that they can draw conclusions about
their guilt.
Logical relationship: the subordinating clause indicates the purpose of the event of the
main clause.
(The purpose of jurors examining juvenile offenders is to be able to draw conclusions.)
5. Although some jurors believe that adolescents have diminished responsibility, others
view them as a terrible danger to society.
Logical relationship: the subordinating clause concedes (admits) something that is
denied in the main clause.
(Many jurors believe adolescents are a terrible risk, but there are other jurors who believe
something different—that they have diminished responsibility.)
6. When Acuna was in front of the jury, he was nonchalant and laughed at inappropriate
things.
Logical relationship: the subordinating clause indicates that one event happened at the
same time as another event.
(While Acuna was on trial, his behavior was unworried and inappropriate.)
Circle the commas in the sentences above. Why do some sentences have commas and
others do not?
Punctuation rule: When the subordinating clause comes first in the sentence, it is
followed by a comma. When the main clause is first, there is no comma.
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Chapter 6-Answer Key
Exercise 4: Identifying transitions and logical relationships
1. Lionel Tate is only 14;however, he might be sentenced to life in prison.
Logical relationship: The first clause makes a contrast to the statement in the second
clause. (Both are main clauses.)
(Lionel Tate was only 14, but in spite of being only a teenager, he could still be sentenced
to life.)
2. We are eager to try and sentence teenagers as adults when they commit crimes;
nevertheless, they aren’t allowed to smoke, drink, or vote.
Logical relationship: The transition makes a contrast between the statement in the
first clause and the one in the second. (Both are main clauses).
(We treat teenagers as adults when they commit crimes, but in contrast, we treat them as
less than adults when it comes to adult privileges.)
3. We don’t really believe that fourteen year olds are adults; otherwise, we would let
them vote.
Logical relationship: The transition expresses a condition in the first clause that would
be necessary to make the second clause true.
(If we did believe that fourteen year olds were adults, we would let them vote.)
4. We’ve created an image that teenagers should be feared; meanwhile, juvenile crime
is way down.
Logical relationship: The transition expresses a time relationship between the two main
clauses.
(We’ve created a frightening image of teenagers, and at the same time juvenile crime is
down.)
5. Statistics don’t bear out the hysteria; for example, the juvenile arrest rate for murder
fell 68% from 1993 to 1999.
Logical relationship: The transition indicates that the second clause gives an example
of the statement in the first clause.
(Statistics don’t support the hysteria about juvenile crime. An examples of those statistics
is the 68% drop in the juvenile arrest rate for murder.)
Punctuation rule: A semicolon comes at the end of the first main clause. A comma
comes after the transition and is followed by the second main clause.
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Chapter 6-Answer Key
Exercise 5: Using connecting words to join clauses
(Possible responses; answers will vary.)
1. Since age can shape every aspect of a capital case, questions are raised about how
reliable and consistent jurors have been.
Rewrite with a transition: Age can shape every aspect of a capital case; consequently,
questions are raised about how reliable and consistent jurors have been.
2. Although some jurors believe that adolescents have diminished responsibility and
should be treated leniently, others view them as a terrible danger to society.
Rewrite with a coordinating word: Some jurors believe that adolescents have
diminished responsibility and should be treated leniently, but others view them as a
terrible danger to society.
3. Despite the fact that he is only 14, Lionel Tate might be sentenced to life in prison.
Rewrite with a transition: Lionel Tate is only 14; nevertheless, he might be sentenced to
life in prison.
4. Teenagers under 18 aren’t allowed to smoke, drink, or vote; nevertheless, we are
eager to try and sentence them as adults when they commit crimes.
Rewrite with a subordinating word: Even though teenagers under 18 aren’t allowed to
smoke, drink, or vote, we are eager to try and sentence them as adults when they
commit crimes.
5. We don’t really believe that fourteen year olds are adults; otherwise, we would let
them vote.
Rewrite with a subordinating word: If we really believed fourteen year olds were adults,
we would let them vote.
(Because rewriting this sentence results in a condition that is true—we don’t believe
fourteen year olds are adults—we have to change the verb tense in the main clause.)
Exercise 6: Writing sentences using connecting words
(Possible responses; answers will vary)
1. Thousands of juveniles are tried as adults in the U.S; however, they may not be
competent to stand trial. (transition)
2. Because 20% of 14 or 15 year olds had levels of reasoning comparable to mentally
ill adults, experts argue that they are not competent to stand trial. (subordinating
word)
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Chapter 6-Answer Key
3. Age was an important factor in understanding what was happening in court, but
previous experience with the law was not. (coordinating word)
4. It’s not clear if young people are wrongly convicted; nevertheless, everyone has a
right to understand what’s happening to them in court. (transition)
5. Eighteen-year-olds year olds appear to function like adults, so it is legal to try
them in adult courts. (coordinating word)
6. Sometimes young teenagers confessed to crimes rather than remain silent since
they had trouble understanding what would happen to them as a result.
(subordinating word)
Exercise 7: Editing student writing to make logical connections clear
(Possible responses; answers will vary.)
Some people would say that teenagers should know right from wrong; however,
teenagers are very young. Do we, as teenagers, know right from wrong? We are prone
to do things because they are frowned on by adults. We are in a stage of life when we
are most susceptible to peer-pressure. During my own limited research, I have found
something surprising. Teenagers feel the death penalty should be strongly enforced
because they believe teens should be treated as adults. The teenagers I interviewed
believed that we should face the consequences of our actions like adults, and jurors
should not accept excuses like, “Well, I’m just a kid and it was a stupid mistake.” When
adults were faced with the question of whether adolescents should be tried as adults,
they said they didn’t have the “power” or “right” to judge whether someone should die or
not. In sum, teenagers should face up to their actions, and They should accept the
consequences of their behavior. The death penalty should not be applied to any person
since no one has the right to judge that someone else should die.
(The sentence “Teenagers should face up to their actions, and they should accept . . .” can be
improved by eliminating “they should” in the second clause. This forms a compound verb so no
comma is needed.)
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Chapter 6-Answer Key
Exercise 8: Identifying connections in the Guided Composition
CONNECTING
WORD
Original Paragraph
CONNECTING METHOD
LOGICAL RELATIONSHIP
1. after
subordination
time
2. no connecting
word
3. because
_________
_________
subordination
cause
4. and
coordination
addition
5. if
subordination
condition
6. whether (or if’)
alternative
7. and
coordination (in a
complement structure)
coordination
addition
8. therefore
transition
result
Exercise 9. Identifying parallel elements
(Note: The grammatical forms of the parallel structures have been labeled for teacher reference;
students have been asked only to identify the parts of the sentence that are parallel.)
Verb phrase
Verb phrase
1. My research group has scanned the brains of kids from 3 to 20 and has pieced
together “movies” showing how brains develop.
Noun phrase
Noun phrase
2. Language systems and mathematical systems develop at different times.
Noun phrase
Noun phrase
3. In children brain growth and skill development occur together.
Adjective
Adjective
4. The loss of brain tissue in teenagers was massive and dramatic.
Noun phrase
Noun phrase
5. Brain cells and connections are lost during the teenage years in the areas controlling
Noun phrase Noun phrase Noun phrase
impulses, risk-taking, and self-control.
Verb
Verb
6. The frontal lobes of the brain regulate our emotions and are vastly immature
throughout the teenage years.
Subordinate clause (that clause)
Subordinate clause (that clause)
7. Prosecutors said that he brought a gun to school and that therefore he planned the
crime.
Subordinate clause (who clause) Subordinate clause (who clause)
8. Scientists say that teenagers, who have lost brain cells and who have less selfcontrol, should not be treated like adults.
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Chapter 6-Answer Key
Exercise 10: Editing sentences for parallel structure
1. A judge will decide whether Lionel Tate is a child or should he be tried as an adult.
A judge will decide whether Lionel Tate is a child or should be tried as an adult.
(The parallel elements are both verb phrases although one is a simple present tense and one is a
passive modal.)
2. Kids under 18 can’t smoke, drink, or going to R movies without our permission.
Kids under 18 can’t smoke, drink, or go to R movies without permission.
3. The immaturity of juveniles is the reason why they don’t vote or having curfews, and
have their driving privileges restricted.
The immaturity of juveniles is the reason why they don’t vote or have curfews, and
have their driving privileges restricted.
(The two negative verb phrases in this parallel structure are joined by “or”: do not vote or (do not)
have curfews. The third verb in the series is positive and joined by “and”—(do) have their driving
privileges restricted.
4. Charging children as adults is inconsistent and unfairly because of their immaturity.
Charging children as adults is inconsistent and unfair because of their immaturity.
5. Today we see criminal defendants who cannot shave, still playing with fire trucks, and
loved to act out scenes from video games.
Today we see criminal defendants who cannot shave, still play with fire trucks, and
love to act out scenes from video games.
(The parallel elements in this sentence are all “who” clauses: “who cannot shave,” (who) still play
with fire trucks, and (who) love to act out scenes from video games.)
6. Kids’ brains are different and still develop.
Kids’ brains are different and still developing.
(This parallel structure joins an adjective and a verbal adjective.)
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Chapter 6-Answer Key
Exercise 11: Completing sentences with parallel elements
(Possible responses; answers will vary.)
1. The kids’ crimes are heinous and terrifying.
2. The zeal to round up kids and sentence them as adults is misguided.
3. The two seemingly “good kids” brutally and intentionally committed murder.
4. The nation’s juvenile arrest rate for murder fell and has continued to fall.
5. The media have perpetuated the image of violent children and teenagers.
6. Research suggests that sentencing adolescents as adults creates career criminals
and fails to solve the problem of teenage crime.
Exercise 12: Editing student writing for parallel structure
(Possible responses; answers will vary.)
As a high school student I am up close and (am )personal with teens every day
of my life. Some of these kids are bright and (are) mature, but there are others who are
obviously not. I have seen boys snort bleach to make their classmates laugh or drink
liquid dish soap in order to win ten dollars. When they were doing these stunts, they
were not thinking that they could be injured or (could) get sick. All they were thinking
was that they could get a few kicks out of it and (could) make their friends think they
were cool.
Another thing I have seen is teenage emotion. Teenagers have strong emotions
and are moody. I have seen brutal fights break out over name calling* and insults. I
have seen a kid break down and bawl his eyes out over a failed test. Emotions are not
an excuse for violent behavior, but if you mix emotions with poor decision making skills,
you are definitely in for a disaster.
(Note: “Name calling” is a noun, not an –ing form of a verb; therefore, the parallel structure has to
be a noun.)
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CHAPTER 7: Adding Information to Sentences: Adjective
Clauses, Participial Modifiers, Appositives, and Special
Punctuation
“The Last Meow”
Chapter Focus: Adding Information to Sentences
Writers want to pack the most information possible into each sentence. This chapter
will look at several ways that writers add information to sentences to clarify and make
their meaning as precise as possible.
•
•
•
•
Subordinate clauses: adjective clauses and adverb clauses
Participial modifiers
Appositives
Special punctuation for adding information: colons and dashes
Learning to use these methods will enable you to express your ideas effectively and
convincingly.
Exercise 1: Guided composition activity
Based on “The Last Meow,” Parts 2, 3, 5, and 6
Teaching Focus: The purpose of this Guided Composition activity is to elicit a paragraph
of student writing on the topic of “The Last Meow.” Teachers can informally diagnose
students’ strengths and weaknesses in the area of adding information to sentences
using subordination, participial modifiers, appositives, and special punctuation. . At the
end of the unit, students will edit their paragraphs, applying what they have learned
during the “Adding Information to Sentences” unit. They will then compare their
paragraphs with the original, paying particular attention the ways in which information
has been added to the sentences.
Directions to the teacher:
(1) Ask students to take out a blank sheet of paper.
(2) Instruct students to listen as you read the following paragraph at a normal rate of
speed. Then ask students to take notes while you read the paragraph again;
emphasize that the notes will be essential when they go to write their paragraph.
Alternately, write a series of key words or phrases on the board to guide students.
(3) Ask them to reconstruct what they heard using their notes or the key words.
Students should compare what they have written with each other and make changes
as necessary.
(4) Collect the paragraphs at the end of the activity and save them. You will return
them to your students to edit at the end of the chapter.
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In 1962 veterinarians, mostly men, were a utilitarian breed, treating mainly farm
animals. But by 2000 nearly three-quarters of all students in vet schools were women—
and most of them wanted to treat pets. Hospitals sold vets their outdated CAT scan and
MRI machines, making high-tech medicine for pets more affordable. Today Americans
are enthusiastic owners of exotic pets: potbellied pigs, lizards, snakes, and sugargliders. Furthermore, sixty-three percent of pet owners say “I love you” to their pets
every day. Jane Goodall, who made a career studying chimpanzees, still believes a dog
can be a better friend than anyone else. Pets also provide therapy for people who are
sick, possibly speeding up recovery. For example, heart attack victims who had a dog or
cat were four times more likely to survive than patients without pets. However, when
pets are treated like surrogate children, it is hard to make wise decisions about their life
and death.
7.1 ADJECTIVE CLAUSES
Adjectives modify nouns, but clauses—groups of words with a subject and verb—can
modify nouns also. We call these adjective clauses, and they are a way to incorporate
additional information about nouns without writing a whole new sentence. They are also
called relative clauses.
Adjective:
The sick cat lay in Shawn Levering’s arms.
Two sentences:
The sick cat lay in Shawn Levering’s arms.
The cat was suffering from renal failure.
Adjective Clause:
The sick cat, who was suffering from renal failure, lay in Shawn
Levering’s arms.
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Words that introduce adjective clauses: who, whose, which, and that
Exercise 2: Identifying adjective clauses
Based on “The Last Meow,” paragraph 11
Directions: Underline the adjective clauses in the following paragraph. Notice that some
of the clauses are set off by commas and others are not. Circle the commas that set off
the adjective clauses. Then try reading each sentence without the adjective clause. Can
you tell why the punctuation is different?
Founded in 1910, The Animal Medical Center, which is the world’s largest private
animal hospital, is like the Mayo Clinic for pets. In those days, animal welfare was a
relative term. Officers for the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals
carried guns. They used them to kill horses which collapsed from heat and exhaustion
in New York every summer. Women, who could not bear firearms, founded the New
York Women’s League for Animals and opened a clinic for animals. The clinic, which
was located on the Lower East Side, was devoted to the city’s strays and to the pets of
poor immigrants. A cat, whose tail had been caught in a door, was its first patient. The
cat was carried across the Brooklyn Bridge by its owner, who was a young girl.
Punctuation note: If the information in an adjective clause is essential to identify the
noun that it modifies, the clause is not set off by commas. This is called a restrictive
clause. If the information in an adjective clause is not essential—you would still know
exactly what the noun refers to without the clause—the clause is set off with commas.
This is called a non-restrictive clause. “That” cannot introduce a non-restrictive clause.
Restrictive clause: They used to kill horses which (or that) collapsed from heat and
exhaustion in New York every summer.
(The SPCA officers didn’t kill all horses in New York; they killed a particular group
of horses—those that had collapsed from heat and exhaustion. You need the
information in the clause to understand which group of horses the writer meant.)
Non-restrictive clause: Founded in 1910, The Animal Medical Center, which is the
world’s largest private animal hospital, is like the Mayo Clinic for pets.
(The information that the clinic is the world’s largest private animal hospital is
extra and is not essential to the sentence; you can identify the clinic by its name.)
In 1910 the women opened a clinic for animals. The clinic, which was located on the
Lower East Side, was devoted to the city’s strays.
(The information about where the clinic was located is not essential because you
can identify the clinic from the information in the previous sentence.)
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Exercise 3: Combining sentences using adjective clauses
Based on “The Last Meow,” paragraphs 21 and 22
Directions: Use the information in the second sentence in each pair to modify a noun in
the first sentence. Punctuate the clauses that provide information that is not essential
(non-restrictive clauses) with commas.
1. Lady would jump on her bed at night.
She seemed to sense Karen’s moods and her pain.
Lady, who seemed to sense Karen’s moods and her pain, would jump on her bed at
night.
2. Karen knew that her feelings were partly misplaced mothering instinct.
She had studied psychology.
3. She knew the relationship was particularly intense.
The relationship that she had was with Lady.
4. Erika Friedman studied how heart-attack patients responded to social support.
She worked as a biologist at Brooklyn College.
5. Karen Allen studied two groups of hypertensive Wall Street stockbrokers.
She worked as a researcher at the State University of New York at Buffalo.
6. Six months later the group had lower blood pressure in a stressful situation.
The group had been given pets.
7.2 PARTICIPIAL MODIFIERS
Participles like “standing” and “situated” are forms of verbs that cannot be used alone in
sentences, but they can be added to sentences to provide additional information. They
perform a double job—they can modify a noun or pronoun, just as an adjective does, but
they also describe an action in the same way that a verb does.
Participial modifiers have two forms:
•
•
•
the present form which has an –ing ending (for example, standing)
the past form which has an –ed ending (for example, situated)
irregular past forms have various endings (for example, given)
Present participle: Standing in the middle of the room, he had the specific gravity of a
man who knows exactly where to reach for his tools.
“Standing in the middle of the room” describes the subject, “he.” “Standing” is the
participial and “in the middle of the room” completes the participial phrase. The
information in the phrase could be in a separate sentence: “He was standing in the middle
of the room.” However, combining it with the following sentence makes a single strong
sentence.
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Past participle:
Situated on the Lower East Side, the clinic was devoted to the city’s
strays.
“Situated on the Lower East Side,” describes the subject, “the clinic” by giving its
location. The information could be in a separate sentence: “The clinic was situated on the
Lower East Side.” However, it is more concise to combine it with the following sentence.
Exercise 4: Identifying participial modifiers
Based on “The Last Meow,” paragraphs 16 - 25
Directions: Circle the participle and underline the words that complete the participial
phrase in the following paragraph. Show which noun or pronoun the phrase modifies by
putting a box around it.
I had a cartoonish image of the people who would spend thousands of dollars to
keep their pet alive, but Lady’s owners were different. They could scarcely afford their
sympathies, having limited financial resources. Shawn Levering works with mentally
disabled adults, finding them jobs and visiting them at their workplaces. Recently turned
forty, he makes twenty-seven thousand dollars a year. His wife, Karen, who is thirtyfour, is the caregiver for a disabled teenager. Scheduled for transplant surgery in the
morning, Lady had made it through dialysis treatment. The Leverings, already facing
debts, will spend more than $15,000 to try to save Lady’s life. They don’t have any
question that it will be worth it.
Punctuation note: Participial modifiers always provide extra information that is not
essential to the main sentence; therefore, you must use commas to set them off from the
main clause.
Exercise 5: Combining sentences using participial modifiers
Based on “The Last Meow,” paragraphs 44 - 46
Directions: Combine each pair of sentences into a single sentence using participial
modifiers. Punctuate the participial phrases with commas. Notice the sentences can be
combined in several different ways.
1. The surgeon shuttled from one side of the surgical table to the other.
She was getting the best angle on her final stitches.
The surgeon, shuttling from one side of the surgical table to the other, was getting the
best angle on her final stitches.
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(Also possible: [1] The surgeon, getting the best angle on her final stitches, shuttled
from one side of the surgical table to the other. [2] The surgeon shuttled from one side
of the surgical table to the other, getting the best angle on her final stitches. )
2. The replacement kidney had been without blood for forty-five minutes
Could it survive that long and still function?
3. She gave her assistants a weak smile.
She said, “Pray to the urine gods.”
4. The renal artery and vein hung limply.
They looked like guy wires from a deflating blimp but then, little by little, they began
to stiffen, stretch, and expand.
5. The surgeon sliced open the bladder.
She flipped it inside out.
She cut a small hole in the side.
6. Her assistants crowded around.
They craned their necks.
7. She froze.
She said, “A new kidney making urine. There’s nothing better than that.”
7.3. APPOSITIVES
Appositives are an even more concise way to add information to sentences than
adjective clauses or participial modifiers. Appositives are formed when a noun or a noun
phrase adds information to another noun or noun phrase (or the pronoun that stands for
it). Either noun or noun phrase can be deleted and the sentence will still make sense.
You can think of an equal sign between the two appositives: each side means the same
as the other.
Appositives: Shawn Levering glanced down at his cat, Lady.
“Cat” and “Lady” are appositives; they are both referring to the same cat.
Cat = Lady
Two separate sentences:
The Animal Medical Center is one of the largest private animal hospitals.
When the A.M.C. was founded, animal welfare was a relative term.
Appositives: When the Animal Medical Center, one of the largest private animal
hospitals, was founded, animal welfare was a relative term.
Punctuation note: The second appositive in a sentence is not necessary to understand
the sentence; all the information you need is in the first appositive. Therefore, the
second appositive is set off by commas.
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Exercise 6: Identifying appositives
Based on “The Last Meow”
Directions: Underline the appositives in the following sentences. Find the two nouns or
pronouns that are equivalents and join them below with an equals sign (think of it as an
appositive equation.)
1. The veterinarian, Cathy Langston, nodded, her eyes on Lady.
the veterinarian = Cathy Langston
2. One patient at the hospital was a duck, Nip-Nip, who had swallowed a metal object.
3. The current director of the hospital, Guy Pidgeon, has lived through both halves of
the history of veterinary medicine.
4. Jimmy, a fat brown tabby cat with a cream belly, slinked* warily past Bogart, a scruffy
white tom lounging on the couch.
5. Jack, the failed kidney donor, was being adopted by a vet at the hospital.
(Note: The usual past form of the verb “slink” is “slunk.” However, Bilger has used the less
common form “slinked” in The Last Meow.)
Exercise 7: Combining sentences using appositives
Based on “The Last Meow,” paragraphs 16 - 28
Directions: Combine each pair of sentences into a single sentence using appositives.
Punctuate the appositives with commas.
1. J. Paul Getty was a billionaire oil magnate.
He wouldn’t fly home when his son died, but he spent three days weeping after his
dog’s death.
J. Paul Getty, a billionaire oil magnate, wouldn’t fly home when his son died, but
he spent three days weeping after his dog’s death.
2. The cats are kept to provide a supply of donated kidneys.
They are strays and lab animals.
3. Bogart was tone-deaf and deeply irritable.
The cat was found starving at a 7-Eleven by Karen.
4. Anthrozoos is a scholarly journal.
It publishes articles about using pets as therapy for the sick.
5. Lilian Aronson was the head surgeon.
She was filled with pleasurable dread of the surgery that lay ahead.
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7.4 SPECIAL PUNCTUATION FOR ADDING INFORMATION
Writers have other resources when they want to add information to sentences: they can
use special punctuation to show that they are adding information that is useful but not
essential to the meaning of the sentence.
Colon: The colon is used to introduce a list, example, or other information that explains
what comes before.
There were risks: clotting, internal bleeding, dangerous drops in blood pressure.
(“Clotting, internal bleeding, dangerous drops in blood pressure” all are examples
of the kinds of risks that would accompany a kidney transplant.)
The other [X-ray] showed a long, elegant spine strung with eight perfect ovals: a
corn snake with a clutch of eggs stuck in her birth canal.
(“A corn snake with a clutch of eggs stuck in her birth canal” explains why there
are the “eight perfect ovals” in the X-ray. Note that the phrase is not simply part of
an appositive. We can’t say “ovals = a corn snake.”)
Dash: Dashes are used in place of commas or parentheses because they are slightly
less formal. Dashes set off words that add information that is not essential to
understand the sentence. If the words are inserted in the middle of the sentence,
dashes have to be used on both sides of the added information.
Throughout the years, the city has been swept by vogues for pot-bellied pigs,
Day-Glo anole lizards, and sugar gliders—a nectar-eating Australian marsupial.
(“A nectar-eating Australian marsupial” explains what a sugar glider is, but it is not
essential for the sentence. It could have been punctuated with a comma because it
is an appositive.: sugar gliders = marsupials.)
Luckily, Jasper—Jack’s littermate—was available for surgery, and his blood type
was a match for Lady’s.
(“Jack’s littermate” tells us who Jasper is. It’s added information and it is an
appositive for Jasper. Because it comes in the middle of the sentence, dashes are
needed on both sides.)
Dogs, cats, and most other pets hovered somewhere in category three: just a
little too dim—or poorly understood—to earn our highest regard.
(This sentence uses a colon to introduce an explanation of why most pets fit into
category three. It uses dashes to insert an alternative explanation of why we don’t
believe pets are terribly intelligent. The sentence could also be correctly
punctuated with a comma instead of a colon and without the dashes).
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Exercise 8: Combining sentences using special punctuation--dashes and colons
Based on “The Last Meow,” paragraphs 16 - 28
Directions: Combine each pair of sentences into a single sentence using dashes or
colons. Make other needed changes such as changing nouns to pronouns or adding
connecting words to make the new sentence as concise as possible.
1. By 2000, nearly three-quarters of all vet school students were women.
And most of the women wanted to treat pets.
By 2000, nearly three-quarters of all vet school students were women—and most
of them wanted to treat pets.
2. Guy Pidgeon was born on a farm in western Nebraska in 1947.
You would never guess to look at Pidgeon that he was born on a farm.
3. The results of the stress tests were unequivocal.
Pets made people’s blood pressure drop; spouses made it shoot up.
4. Although the surgeon’s success rate is high, the procedure still fills her with
pleasurable dread.
Ninety-four percent of the surgeon’s patients leave the hospital alive.
5. The implicit value of pets goes up with all the new treatments.
Some of those treatments are radiation therapy, MRIs, and experimental cancer
vaccines.
6. Do animals feel enough pleasure to make surviving worthwhile?
Do animals feel enough joy in the sheer fact of existence?
7.5 EDITING STUDENT WRITING
Exercise 9: Editing student writing
Based on a student essay on “The Last Meow”
Directions: Combine the sentences in this student essay to make the sentences flow
more effectively. You may use the following techniques from this chapter and the
preceding chapters:
•
•
•
•
•
subordinate clauses (including who clauses and that clauses)
participial modifiers (-ing and –ed verb forms)
appositives
parallel structure
special punctuation: colons and dashes
Burkhard Bilger is the author of “The Last Meow.” “The Last Meow” is an article
from The New Yorker. He argues that pet owners spend excessive amounts of their
income on their animals. He says the pet owners are out of control. He cites
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extraordinary medical procedures. They cost thousands of dollars. He also cites
extravagant purchases to ensure the creatures’ comfort. Finally, he cites the cost of
caring for our pets. I, however, must ask, “Can you really assign a dollar-value to
companionship and unconditional love?” I disagree with Bilger’s argument. I disagree
because pets are an invaluable part of most Americans’ lives.
A local hospital has a pediatric cancer ward. A man visits weekly. He brings
happiness and joy with him to terminally ill children. No, he is not a clown. He does not
make balloon animals. He is a retiree with his dog. The dog is mutt he rescued as a
puppy. The pet owner has been able to introduce laughter into the hospital. The
hospital is a place more often filled with tears. He had to spend a lot of money to train
and raise the dog. Was the cost worth it or should he have left the dog in the animal
shelter?
Exercise 10: Editing your guided composition
Directions to the teacher:
(1) Use an overhead projector or computer to project the Guided Composition
paragraph and ask students to read along as you read it out loud. Underline the
added information in the paragraph.
(2) Then project a student paragraph and discuss with the class the differences
between the original and the student paragraph (both paragraphs need to be
projected simultaneously).
(3) Return the student paragraphs and ask them to revise by adding any information
they left out based on what they’ve learned by doing the activities in the chapter.
Don’t give them access to the original while they are doing this.
(4) Ask students to compare their edited version with the original.
(5) Debrief by asking them what they learned through the comparison and what they
can apply to their own writing.
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Exercise 11: Editing your own writing
Directions: Pick a paragraph from your essay on The Last Meow. Where could you add
information and specific details that would make your ideas clearer and more
interesting?
•
•
•
•
Edit the paragraph following the directions in Exercise 11.
Put a question mark (?) in the margin next to any connecting words or parallel
structures that you are unsure about.
Exchange your paragraph with a partner and discuss any questions you have
about you
Now edit the rest of your essay by adding information.
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Answer Key
Exercise 2: Identifying adjective clauses
Founded in 1910, The Animal Medical Center, which is the world’s largest private
animal hospital, is like the Mayo Clinic for pets. In those days, animal welfare was a
relative term. Officers for the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals
carried guns. They used them to kill horses which collapsed from heat and exhaustion
in New York every summer. Women, who could not bear firearms, founded the New
York Women’s League for Animals and opened a clinic for animals. The clinic, which
was located on the Lower East Side, was devoted to the city’s strays and to the pets of
poor immigrants. A cat, whose tail had been caught in a door, was its first patient. The
cat was carried across the Brooklyn Bridge by its owner, who was a young girl.
Exercise 3: Combining sentences using adjective clauses
1. Lady seemed to sense Karen’s moods and her pain.
She would jump on her bed at night.
Lady, who seemed to sense Karen’s moods and her pain, would jump on her bed at
night.
2. Karen knew that her feelings were partly misplaced mothering instinct.
She had studied psychology.
Karen, who had studied psychology, knew that her feelings were partly misplaced
mothering instinct.
3. She knew the relationship was particularly intense.
The relationship that she had was with Lady.
She knew that the relationship that she had with Lady was particularly intense.
4. Erika Friedman studied how heart-attack patients responded to social support.
She worked as a biologist at Brooklyn College.
Erika Friedman, who worked a biologist at Brooklyn College, studied how heartattack patients responded to social support.
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Chapter 7-Answer Key
5. Karen Allen studied two groups of hypertensive Wall Street stockbrokers.
She worked as a researcher at the State University of New York at Buffalo.
Karen Allen, who was a researcher at the State University of New York at Buffalo,
studied two groups of hypertensive Wall Street brokers.
6. Six months later the group had lower blood pressure in a stressful situation.
The group had been given pets.
Six months later the group that had been given pets had lower blood pressure in a
stressful situation.
Exercise 4: Identifying participial modifiers
I had a cartoonish image of the people who would spend thousands of dollars to
keep their pet alive, but Lady’s owners were different. They could scarcely afford their
sympathies, having limited financial resources. Shawn Levering works with mentally
disabled adults, finding them jobs and visiting them at their workplaces. Recently turned
forty, he makes twenty-seven thousand dollars a year. His wife, Karen, who is thirtyfour, is the caregiver for a disabled teenager. Scheduled for transplant surgery in the
morning, Lady had made it through dialysis treatment. The Leverings, already facing
debts, will spend more than $15,000 to try to save Lady’s life. They don’t have any
question that it will be worth it.
Exercise 5: Combining sentences using participial modifiers
1. The surgeon shuttled from one side of the surgical table to the other.
She was getting the best angle on her final stitches.
The surgeon, shuttling from one side of the surgical table to the other, was getting the
best angle on her final stitches.
(Also possible: The surgeon, getting the best angle on her final stitches, shuttled from
one side of the surgical table to the other.)
2. The replacement kidney had been without blood for forty-five minutes
Could it survive that long and still function?
Could the replacement kidney, having been without blood for forty-five minutes,
survive that long and still function?
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Chapter 7-Answer Key
3. She gave her assistants a weak smile.
She said, “Pray to the urine gods.”
Giving her assistants a weak smile, she said, “Pray to the urine gods.”
(Also possible: Saying, “Pray to the urine gods,” she gave her assistants a weak
smile.)
4. The renal artery and vein hung limply.
They looked like guy wires from a deflating blimp, but then, little by little, they began
to stiffen, stretch, and expand.
The renal artery and vein hung limply, looking like guy wires from a deflating
blimp, but then, little by little, they began to stiffen, stretch, and expand.
5. The surgeon sliced open the bladder.
She flipped it inside out.
She cut a small hole in the side.
The surgeon sliced open the bladder, flipping it inside out and cutting a small hole in
the side.
(Also possible: The surgeon, slicing open the bladder, flipped it inside out and cut a
small hole in the side.)
6. Her assistants crowded around.
They craned their necks.
Craning their necks, her assistants crowded around.
(Also possible: Crowding around, her assistants craned their necks.)
7. She froze.
She said, “A new kidney making urine. There’s nothing better than that.”
Freezing, she said, “A new kidney making urine. There’s nothing better than that.”
Exercise 6: Identifying appositives
1. The veterinarian, Cathy Langston, nodded, her eyes on Lady. Find the two nouns or
pronouns that are equivalents and join them with an equals sign.
The veterinarian = Cathy Langston
2. One patient at the hospital was a duck, Nip-Nip, who had swallowed a metal object.
a duck = Nip-Nip
3. The current director of the hospital, Guy Pidgeon, has lived through both halves of
the history of veterinary medicine.
The current director of the hospital = Guy Pidgeon
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4. Jimmy, a fat brown tabby cat with a cream belly, slinked warily past Bogart, a scruffy
white tom lounging on the couch.
Jimmy = a fat brown tabby cat with a cream belly
Bogart = a scruffy white tom lounging on the couch
5. Jack, the failed kidney donor, was being adopted by a vet at the hospital.
Jack = the failed kidney donor
Exercise 7: Combining sentences using appositives
1. J. Paul Getty was a billionaire oil magnate.
He wouldn’t fly home when his son died, but he spent three days weeping after his
dog’s death.
J. Paul Getty, a billionaire oil magnate, wouldn’t fly home when his son died, but he
spent three days weeping after his dog’s death.
2. The cats are kept to provide a supply of donated kidneys.
They are strays and lab animals.
The cats, strays and lab animals, are kept to provide a supply of donated kidneys.
3. Bogart was tone-deaf and deeply irritable.
The cat was found starving at a 7-Eleven by Karen.
Bogart, the cat found starving at a 7-Eleven by Karen, was tone-deaf and deeply
irritable.
4. Anthrozoos is a scholarly journal.
It publishes articles about using pets as therapy for the sick.
Anthrozoos, a scholarly journal, publishes articles about using pets as therapy for the
sick.
5. Lilian Aronson was the head surgeon.
She was filled with pleasurable dread of the surgery that lay ahead.
Lilian Aronson, the head surgeon, was filled with pleasurable dread of the surgery
that lay ahead.
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Chapter 7-Answer Key
Exercise 8: Combining sentences using dashes and colons
1. By 2000, nearly three-quarters of all vet school students were women.
And most of the women wanted to treat pets.
By 2000, nearly three-quarters of all vet school students were women—and most of
them wanted to treat pets. (para. 12)*
2. Guy Pidgeon was born on a farm in western Nebraska in 1947.
You would never guess to look at Pidgeon that he was born on a farm.
Guy Pidgeon was born on a farm in Western Nebraska in 1947--—although you
would never guess it to look at him. (para. 14)
3. The results of the stress tests were unequivocal.
Pets made people’s blood pressure drop; spouses made it shoot up.
The results of the stress tests were unequivocal: pets made people’s blood pressure drop;
spouses made it shoot up. (para. 22)
4. Although the surgeon’s success rate is high, the procedure still fills her with
pleasurable dread.
Ninety-four percent of the surgeon’s patients leave the hospital alive.
Although the surgeon’s success rate is high—ninety-four percent of her patients leave
the hospital alive—the procedure still fills her with pleasurable dread. (para. 28)
5. The implicit value of pets goes up with all the new treatments.
Those new treatments are radiation therapy, MRIs, and experimental cancer
vaccines.
The implicit value of pets goes up with all the new treatments: radiation therapy,
MRIs, and experimental cancer vaccines. (para. 35)
6. Do animals feel enough pleasure to make surviving worthwhile?
Do animals feel enough joy in the sheer fact of existence?
Do animals feel enough pleasure—enough joy in the sheer fact of existence—to make
surviving worthwhile? (para. 39)
(* Each original sentences has added information, but the some of the sentences in this exercise
have been modified.)
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Chapter 7-Answer Key
Exercise 9: Editing student writing
(Possible response; revisions will vary.)
Burkhard Bilger, the author of “The Last Meow,” an article from The New
Yorker, argues that pet owners spend excessive amounts of their income on their
animals. He says the pet owners are out of control, citing extraordinary medical
procedures that cost thousands of dollars, extravagant purchases to ensure the
creatures’ comfort, and the cost of caring for our pets. I, however, must ask, “Can you
really assign a dollar-value to companionship and unconditional love?” I disagree
with Bilger’s argument because pets are an invaluable part of most Americans’ lives.
A local hospital has a pediatric cancer ward where a man visits weekly,
bringing happiness and joy with him to terminally ill children. No, he is not a clown
making balloon animals. He is a retiree with his dog, a mutt he rescued as a puppy.
The pet owner, who had to spend a lot of money to train and raise the dog, has been
able to introduce laughter into the hospital, a place more often filled with tears. Was it
worth the cost, or should he have left the dog in the animal shelter?
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CHAPTER 8: Writing About What Others Say
Into the Wild
Chapter Focus: Adding Information to Sentences
Much of academic writing is based on analyzing and evaluating what others have said.
In creating arguments, you can incorporate the words and ideas of other writers into your
own writing using summary, paraphrase, and quotation. You may choose to use these
techniques for the following purposes:
•
•
•
•
•
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To enable a reader to understand the main ideas of a text that you are writing
about
To provide support or evidence for assertions in your argument
To place your own argument into the context of what others have said
To provide different points of view on the subject
To agree or disagree with a position
To use particularly effective language from an original source
This chapter based on Jon Krakauer’s book, Into the Wild, will look at the language that
you can use to write about what others say and the process that you need to go through
to incorporate their words into your own.
Exercise 1: Guided composition activity
Based on Chapter One, “The Alaska Interior,” pp. 1 - 7
Teaching Focus: The purpose of this Guided Composition activity is to elicit a paragraph
of student writing on the topic of Into the Wild. Teachers can informally diagnose
students’ strengths and weaknesses in the area of integrating the words of others into
their writing. . At the end of the unit, students will edit their paragraphs, applying what
they have learned during the “Writing about What Others Say” unit. They will then
compare their paragraphs with the original, paying particular attention the ways in which
the words of others have been added to the sentences.
Directions to the teacher:
(1) Ask students to take out a blank sheet of paper.
(2) Instruct students to listen as you read the following paragraph at a normal rate of
speed. Then ask students to take notes while you read the paragraph again;
emphasize that the notes will be essential when they go to write their paragraph.
Alternately, write a series of key words or phrases on the board to guide students.
(3) Ask them to reconstruct what they heard using their notes or the key words.
Students should compare what they have written with each other and make changes
as necessary.
(4) Collect the paragraphs at the end of the activity and save them. You will return
them to your students to edit at the end of the chapter.
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The last person to see Chris McCandless alive was a man named Jim Gallien.
Gallien asked the young man for his name. “Alex, just Alex,” he replied. He said that he
intended to live off the land for a few months. Gallien recalled, “He wasn’t carrying
anywhere near as much food as you’d expect for that kind of trip.” According to Gallien,
“Living in the bush is no picnic.” He added that “Alex admitted that the only food in his
pack was a ten-pound bag of rice.” He told Gallien that he didn’t need any other gear or
a hunting license. He said, “How I feed myself is none of the government’s business.”
When he said goodby, Alex gave Gallien his watch. He said, “I don’t want to know what
day it is or where I am. None of that matters.”
8.1 Summary
A summary is a shortened version of a fairly long piece of text: an article, a chapter of a
book, or a whole book. You cannot assume that your readers are familiar with the text
that you are writing about or agree with you about it. By summarizing what you have
read, you can:
•
•
enable readers who are unfamiliar with the text to understand your analysis and
conclusions.
enable readers who are already familiar with the text to judge whether your
understanding of the text is the same as theirs.
Identifying the source and the author
A summary should identify the text that is being summarized, including the title and the
name of the author. Use the author’s full name the first time you refer to him or her.
After that, use the last name only. Never refer to an author just by his or her first name:
INCORRECT: In Into the Wild, Jon writes about his own experiences as a mountain
climber. Jon draws parallels between his attempt to climb the Devil’s Thumb and Chris
McCandless’s journey into the Alaskan wilderness.
CORRECT: In Into the Wild, Jon Krakauer writes about his own experiences as a
mountain climber. Krakauer draws parallels between his attempt to climb the Devil’s
Thumb and Chris McCandless’s journey into the Alaskan wilderness.
Choosing the time frame
For your summary, you can choose to use either the past time frame or the present time
frame, which is called “the historical present.” Using the present time frame makes the
events seem more immediate and interesting even though your readers know they
actually occurred in the past.
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Exercise 2: Using the past time frame to summarize Into the Wild:
Directions: Fill in the blanks below with the correct form of the verb in parentheses. For
the summary, use verbs in the past time frame. Note: some verbs are in the passive.
Into the Wild, by Jon Krakauer, ___________ (publish) in 1996. It
____________ (tell) the story of Christopher McCandless, a young man who
___________ (go) to Alaska to try to find out about himself and about life. In doing this,
he __________ (inspire) by great writers like Thoreau, whose book, Walden,
____________ (offer) his reflections on living apart from mainstream life. However,
McCandless ____________ (be) unprepared for the brutality of the Alaskan wild. He
____________ (make) crucial mistakes that ____________ (lead) to his death and
____________ (leave) his family to grieve for him.
Exercise 3: Using the present time frame (historical present) to summarize Into
the Wild:
Directions: Fill in the blanks below with the correct form of the verb in parentheses. For
the summary, use verbs in the present time frame (historical present). Note: some verbs
are in the passive.
Into the Wild, by Jon Krakauer, ___________ (publish) in 1996. It
____________ (tell) the story of Christopher McCandless, a young man who
___________ (go) to Alaska to try to find out about himself and about life. In doing this,
he __________ (inspire) by great writers like Thoreau whose book, Walden,
____________ (offer) his reflections on living apart from mainstream life. However,
McCandless ____________ (be) unprepared for the brutality of the Alaskan wild. He
____________ (make) crucial mistakes that ____________ (lead) to his death and
____________ (leave) his family to grieve for him.
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Exercise 4: Summarizing part of a chapter
Based on Chapter Eight: “Alaska”
Directions: Write a summary of the story of Gene Rosellini (Begin with the paragraph
that starts, “And then there was the wayward genius . . .” and end with the paragraph
that starts, “The trip never got off the ground.”) Use the following sentence to start your
summary. Notice that it will determine the time frame for your summary.
In Chapter 8, “Alaska,” Krakauer reports that many Alaskans thought that
McCandless was just another young rebel. They compared him to Gene Rosellini
who . . .
8.2 Paraphrase
When writing an expository essay, telling your readers what an author has said is the
first step in evaluating text. You should paraphrase shorter pieces of text, such as a
paragraph, when you want to communicate the main ideas of the text and avoid quoting
long chunks of text. When you paraphrase, you must use your own words; however,
you must still indicate where the ideas occur in the original text by putting the page
number(s) in parentheses at the end of the paraphrase. If this happens at the end of
your sentence, the period goes after the parentheses.
Krakaurer’s actual words:
Driving west out of Atlanta, he intended to invent an utterly new life for
himself, one in which he would be free to wallow in unfiltered experience. To
symbolize the complete severance from his previous life, he even adopted a new
name. No longer would he answer to Chris McCandless; he was now Alexander
Supertramp, master of his own destiny (23).
Paraphrase of Krakauer’s words:
Krakauer concluded that when Chris McCandless left home, he hoped to create
a new identity and divorce himself from his old life. To show that he was
completely free of his past and open to new experiences, he took a new name:
Alexander Supertramp (23).
(The writer gives us a perspective on what he is paraphrasing by using
“concluded” to introduce it. The idea of the passage is expressed in different
words. The writer doesn’t have to put quotation marks around “Alexander
Supertramp” because it is a name.)
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Paraphrase that includes quoted material:
Krakauer concluded that when Chris McCandless left home, he hoped to create
a new identity and divorce himself from his old life, leaving him “free to wallow in
unfiltered experience” (23). To show that he was completely free of his past, he
took a new name: Alexander Supertramp.
(The writer uses a quotation because being “free to wallow in unfiltered
experience” implies a judgment about McCandless on Krakauer’s part—that he
was perhaps being self-indulgent—that the simple paraphrase doesn’t capture. It’s
is also a case where the author’s words are particularly expressive and, therefore,
worth preserving in the paraphrase.)
Guidelines for paraphrasing:
•
•
•
•
•
Reread the passage that you intend to paraphrase. Check any unfamiliar words
in a dictionary so you are sure you understand the passage accurately.
Write your paraphrase without looking back at the passage. Use your own
words.
Check what you have written against the original to make sure it is accurate.
Make any needed changes.
If you have used any distinctive words or phrases from the original, put quotation
marks around them.
Make sure you have included the name of the author, the name of the source (if
not already given), and the page reference for the passage you have
paraphrased.
Exercise 5: Paraphrasing a paragraph
Based on the last paragraph of Chapter 8, “Alaska”
Directions: Write a paraphrase of the following paragraph (the last paragraph in Chapter
8). Be careful to use all your own words; do not use any quotes. Also, check any words
that are unfamiliar in your dictionary to ensure that your paraphrase is accurate.
McCandless didn’t conform particularly well to the bush-casualty*
stereotype. Although he was rash, untutored in the ways of the backcountry, and
incautious to the point of foolhardiness, he wasn’t incompetent—he wouldn’t
have lasted 113 days if he were. And he wasn’t a nutcase, he wasn’t a
sociopath, he wasn’t an outcast. McCandless was something else—although
precisely what is hard to say. A pilgrim, perhaps (85).
* “bush” means wild, uncleared country; a bush-casualty is someone who has gone into the
wilderness and not survived.
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8.3 Quotation
Writers choose to quote when the author’s words are especially distinctive and meaning
might be lost in a paraphrase. Sometimes this means that a writer will quote whole
sentences or even a whole paragraph. Often, however, the best strategy is to use a
single sentence or even a phrase from the text and incorporate it into your own words
about the text.
Quoting Multiple Sentences:
Jon Krakauer in Into the Wild observes, “Alaska has long been a magnet for
dreamers and misfits, people who think the unsullied enormity of the Last
Frontier will patch all the holes in their lives. The bush is an unforgiving place,
however, that cares nothing for hope or longing” (4).
Quoting a Single Sentence:
Krakauer describes the way in which Alaska has always attracted people who
hope to escape the problems in their lives. They often find new problems,
however, because “the bush is an unforgiving place . . . that cares nothing for
hope or longing” (4).
Quoting a Phrase:
Krakauer calls Alaska “a magnet for dreamers and misfits” (4). According to him,
people try to escape their problems by going into the wilderness, but they
discover that the wilderness has no sympathy for their dreams.
Guidelines for Quoting:
•
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•
•
•
•
Always introduce the quotation using your own words. Use a variety of verbs to
introduce quotations and to suggest how you feel about the quotation. (See
Section 8.4 for more information about how to do this).
Fit the grammatical structure of the quotation into the grammatical structure of
your own sentence.
Give the author’s full name the first time you quote. After that, use only the last
name. Put the page number at the end of the quote.
Give the name of the source the first time you quote from it. Underline or use
italics for books, movies, and longer works: Into the Wild. Use quotation marks
for the titles of articles, essays, and chapters in books: “The Stikine Ice Cap.”
If the quotation is longer than four lines (for example, the quotation in Exercise
5), introduce it with a colon (:) and indent the whole quotation.
If you leave words out of the quotation, indicate the omission with three spaced
periods: . . . If you insert words, put them in brackets [ ] to show that they were
not in the original text.
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Keeping sentences grammatical when quoting
When you integrate a quotation into your own writing, your words and the quoted words
must fit together grammatically. This means that you may have to be careful about what
you quote and where you insert the quotation. You may also have to make changes
within the quote, in which case you need to put brackets [ ] around the changed words.
Krakauer’s actual words:
“That put us into a kind of a tizzy,” Walt admits. Both Billie and I come from bluecollar families. A college degree is something we don’t take lightly, OK, and we
worked hard to be able to send our kids to good schools. So Billie sat him down
and said, ‘Chris, if you really want to make a difference in the world, if you really
want to help people who are less fortunate, get yourself some leverage first. Go
to college, get a law degree, and then you’ll be able to have a real impact’”
(114).*
Incorporating a sentence:
McCandless’s parents were upset when he told them that he wasn’t going to
college. His mother Billie advised him, “Chris, if you really want to make a
difference in the world, if you really want to help people who are less fortunate,
get yourself some leverage first” (114).
Incorporating part of a sentence:
McCandless’s parents were upset when he told them that he wasn’t going to
college. His mother Billie advised Chris that if he “really want[ed] to make a
difference in the world” (114), he should go to law school before he tried to help
the homeless and the poor.
* Note that the original shows how to have a quotation within another quotation. Krakauer is
quoting McCandless’s father who is quoting his mother.
Exercise 6: Incorporating quotations
Based on Chapter Eight, “Alaska”
Directions: Write a short paragraph in which you explain what you think McCandless’s
motivation was for going into the wilderness. Incorporate one or more quotations from
Chapter 8, “Alaska.” Remember that you can agree or disagree with Krakauer’s
interpretation that McCandless did not want or plan to die.
8.4 Introducing Quotations
Writers try to make their writing interesting by choosing words that are precise and
varied. It is possible to introduce every quotation with “He said . . .”, but it would produce
boring and repetitive writing. Krakauer uses a variety of colorful verbs to introduce
quotations. He also varies the tenses that he uses to introduce quotations.
•
•
Past tense: (1) used to indicate that the speech occurred in the past; most
common tense used for quoting or reporting speech; (2) used when telling a
story in past
Present tense: used for vividness, to create the sense that the past action is
occurring as we speak
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•
•
Present perfect tense: used to show the past event is linked to the present
Past perfect tense: used to show the action occurred before something else
in the past
Exercise 7: Verbs to introduce the words of others
Based on Chapter Seventeen, “The Stampede Trail”
Directions: Go to the pages indicated in the chart where Krakauer introduces quotations
in Chapter Seventeen. Read the passage where the quotation or reported speech
occurs. Identify the verb tense that Krakauer uses, and explain why he used that
particular tense.
Phrase introducing a quote or
reported speech
Page
Verb tense
1. Roman shouts, “. . .
p. 173
present
2. Horowitz . . . had mused that
p. 174
3. both men insisted . . . that
p. 177
4. Thompson had told me, “
p. 177
5. Samel had scornfully piped in
p. 177
6. one Alaska correspondent
observed
p. 177
7. Roman remarks, “. . .
p. 178
8. Muir rapturously describes
p. 182
9. Andrew Liske points out
p. 183
10. Paul Shephard has observed
p. 183
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Reason for tense
Krakauer is telling the
story of his trip to the
bus in the present
(present narration).
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Additional Verbs to Introduce Quotes and Reported Speech:
The author . . .
explains
notes
admits
reflects
observes
argues
claims
insists
feels
stresses
maintains
believes
asserts
doubts
emphasizes
suggests
recommends
advises
shows
concludes
discusses
questions
explores
asks
examines
When you use the verbs in the first four columns to introduce reported speech, you will
use the pattern: subject + verb + “ that” clause:
Roman stressed that “living off the land . . . is incredibly difficult” (185).
When you use the verbs in the last column to introduce reported speech, you will use the
pattern: subject + verb + noun phrase (including phrases that begin with a question
word):
Krakauer explores how difficult it is for adults “to recall how forcefully we were
once buffeted by the passions and longings of youth” (186).
As a writer, you can communicate your interpretation of a quotation or reported speech
by the verb you choose to introduce it. Compare the two sentences:
Roman said that “living off the land . . . is incredibly difficult” (185).
Roman stressed that “living off the land . . . is incredibly difficult” (185).
Using “said” makes your position about the statement that follows neutral. If you choose
the verb “stressed,” you are communicating your interpretation that Roman felt the
challenge for Chris to try to live off the land was great.
Krakauer feels that it is for adults “to recall how forcefully we were once buffeted
by the passions and longings of youth” (186).
Krakauer explores how difficult it is for adults “to recall how forcefully we were
once buffeted by the passions and longings of youth” (186).
Using “feels” in the first example does not indicate any interpretation on your part. Using
“explores” suggests that you believe that Krakauer has thoughtfully looked at a variety of
explanations for why adults generally judged Chris’s actions harshly.
By carefully choosing the verb that you use to introduce a quotation or reported speech,
you suggest your position about the quotation before you actually analyze its meaning
and relevance to your argument.
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8.5 Making the Speaker and the Context Clear
When you incorporate quotations from a book or article into your own writing, it is
essential to indicate very specifically who is speaking and what the circumstances are.
This is especially important when you are quoting someone who is being quoted by the
author. In Into the Wild, Krakauer tells the story of Alex McCandless and provides his
own opinions about Alex and what happened to him. He also quotes what Alex had to
say about his own life in the journals. He quotes many people who came into contact
with Alex and who had varying points of view about his life and death. Finally, he quotes
a number of writers who wrote about living in the wilderness and the writers whose
books Alex took with him into the Alaska wild. When you quote these sources, you need
to let your reader know who is speaking or writing and the context of the quotation so a
reader can judge its relevance and the validity as support for your assertions.
Exercise 8: Making the speaker and context clear
Based on Chapter 9, “Davis Gulch”
Directions: Look up the following quotations in “Into the Wild.” Introduce each quotation,
making sure that you have made clear who is speaking and what the circumstances are.
1. While living on the streets in Las Vegas, McCandless wrote in his journal, “It is the
experiences, the memories, the great triumphant joy of living to the fullest extent in
which real meaning is found” (37).
2. “What Everett Reuss was after was beauty, and he conceived of beauty in pretty
romantic terms” (77).
3. “I have not tired of the wilderness. Rather, I enjoy its beauty and the vagrant life I lead
more keenly all the time” (87).
4. “Children can be harsh judges when it comes to their parents, disinclined to grant
clemency . . .” (122).
5. “If something captured my undisciplined imagination, I pursued it with a zeal
bordering on obsession” (134).
6. “No longer to be poisoned by civilization he flees, and walks alone upon the land to
become lost in the wild” (163).
7. “He had a need to test himself in ways, as he was fond of saying, ‘that mattered.’’’
(182).
8. “. . . his essence remains slippery, vague, elusive” (186).
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8.6 Punctuating Quotations:
To quote a whole sentence: Introduce the quote with your own words, use a comma,
quotations marks, and a capital letter for the first word of the quoted sentence. Put
quotation marks at the end of the quote. Then put the page of the text that the quote
appeared on in parentheses. Finally put the period.
Example:
Everett Reuss wrote in his last letter, “I have not tired of the wilderness; rather I
enjoy its beauty and the vagrant life I lead more keenly all the time” (87).
To quote a word or phrase, do use quotation marks, but do not capitalize the first
word of the quote.
Examples:
Krakauer calls Alaska “a magnet for dreamers and misfits” (4). According to him,
people try to escape their problems by going into the wilderness, but they
discover that the wilderness has no sympathy for their aspirations.
Krakauer suggested that the word that best described McCandless was “pilgrim”
(84).
To quote a longer passage: If you need to quote a passage that is four lines or longer,
use a colon at the end of the sentence you have used to introduce the quote and indent
the whole quote. When you do this, you do not need to use quotation marks, but you
still must indicate the page where the passage occurs.
Example:
In a letter to Ron Franz, an old man who befriended him, McCandless sets out
his philosophy of life:
The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure.
The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and
hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon,
for each day to have a new and different sun (57).
To shorten a quote, use ellipsis. (“Ellipsis” is 3 dots separated by spaces. Use 4 dots
if you are also leaving out a period from the original.) Be careful to make the final
wording clear and smooth.
Example:
McCandless recommended that Ron “adopt a helter-skelter style of life . . .and hit
the Road” (57).
To change a word in a quote: If you must change a word (or words) in a quote to
make it fit with your own words, use square brackets-- [
]
Example:
McCandless said that he hoped the next time he saw Ron he would “be a new
man with a vast array of new adventures and experiences behind [him]” (58).
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To quote a writer who quotes another person (a quote within a quote): Use
regular, double quotation marks ( “ ) to show that you are quoting the writer and single
quotation marks ( ‘ ) around the words that the writer quoted.
Example:
Krakauer noted, “Even staid, prissy Thoreau, who famously declared that it was
enough to have ‘travelled a good deal in Concord,’ felt compelled to visit the ore
fearsome wilds of nineteenth century Maine and climb Mt. Katahdin” (183).
Exercise 9: Punctuating quotations
Based on Chapter Eighteen, “The Stampede Trail”
Directions: Punctuate the following quotations from Chapter 18, “The Stampede Trail.”
Be sure to compare each sentence to the original and find which words are quoted
exactly. Be sure to cite the page number in parentheses at the end of the quoted
material.
1. Page 187: In Alaska, McCandless discovered the truth of John Campbell’s
observation that “the life of a hunter carries with it the threat of deprivation and death by
starvation” (187).
2. Page 187: Before his death, McCandless had underlined the passage in Doctor
Zhivago that asserts that love of one’s neighbor is essential for a human being to
contribute to progress.
3. Page 188: According to Krakauer, despite having killed and eaten animals and birds
and gathered wild potatoes, berries, and mushrooms, McCandless was on the
precarious edge of starvation because he had run up a sizable caloric deficit.
4. Page 189: Krakauer seems to believe that McCandless had learned that he needed
other people, and that he planned to become a member of the human community when
he returned to the Lower Forty-Eight.
5. Page 192: According to Krakauer’s initial theory, McCandless had committed a
careless blunder, confusing one plant for another, and died as a consequence.
6. Page 194: After finding out about the poison in potato seeds, however, he
concluded, he didn’t carelessly confuse one species with another: The plant that
poisoned him was not known to be toxic.
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7. Page 198: As he was dying, McCandless abandoned the cocky moniker, Alexander
Supertramp, in favor of the name given to him at birth by his parents.
8. Page 199: In spite of his lonely, agonizing death, McCandless’s last were words
were I have had a happy life and thank the Lord. Goodbye and May God Bless All!
8.7 Editing Student Writing
Exercise 10: Editing student writing
Directions: Read the following student essay. Then incorporate the selections from
“Into the Wild” below into the essay at the places indicated by the numbers in
parentheses. Follow the conventions for incorporating quotations and paraphrase into
your own writing. Make sure that you indicate clearly who is speaking in the quotation
and what the circumstances are.
Shaun Callerman is a typical critic of Chris McCandless (1) Callarman is
convinced that Chris was merely an ignorant young man biting off more than he could
chew, a young man who ventured arrogantly into the wild guided by farfetched ideas and
flawed logic. Although I agree to some extent with Callarman’s interpretation, I also
believe that he has failed to think about Chris’s childhood, upbringing, and subsequent
motives that brought him finally to a bus in the Alaskan wilderness.
Chris McCandless was not your average Joe. He chose a life of solitude and
shunned society and the things that it represented. (2) The question is, what led him to
act in this manner? Krakauer, the author of Into the Wild, delved into what could have
led Chris to choose such an uncommon lifestyle. One of the main factors that Krakauer
explores is Chris’s relationship with his father, Walt. (3) (4) These conflicting attitudes,
coupled with Walt’s alternate marriage and children, created a change in Chris’s outlook
which could have led him to make the decision to go into the wild. (5) Chris’s actions
were reasonable to himself, and I find it hard to say these actions were arrogant. To
him, they were noble ideas, worthy of his time and effort.
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However, Callerman is right that Chris McCandless made mistakes based on
arrogance. Chris can be admired for his ideas, but his execution was flawed. (6) He
made crucial mistakes that could have been avoided, and these mistakes cost him his
life. He put himself in a situation for which he was not fully prepared. It’s like a boxer
moving up a weight class when he’s not ready. He is courageous for doing so even
though his actions can be perceived as foolish or arrogant. Chris pushed himself too
hard and fast. He paid the price, but this doesn’t mean that his reasoning was wrong as
much as his timing and planning.
Callerman fails to realize that people do not act foolishly without having a reason.
People who appear to act foolishly always have a logical motive that can explain the
situation. (7) McCandless was not crazy; he was different. It wasn’t romantic silliness
that led him into the wild; it was the dream of finding himself and connecting on a higher
level that few of us can fully comprehend.
Text from Into the Wild to incorporate into student essay:
(1) I don’t admire him at all for his courage nor for his noble ideas. Really, I think he was
just plain crazy. (Shaun Callerman, quoted in Writing Topic)
(2) Oh, how one wishes sometimes to escape from the meaningless dullness of human
eloquence, from all those sublime phrases, to take refuge in nature . . . (passage
underlined by Chris in his copy of Doctor Zhivago, p. 189).
(3) Both father and son were stubborn and high-strung. (p. 64) OR
Given Walt’s need to exert control and Chris’s extravagantly independent nature,
polarization was inevitable. (p. 64)
(4) He had a need to test himself in ways, as he was fond of saying, “that mattered.” (p.
182) OR
He wanted to prove to himself that he could make it on his own, without anybody else’s
help. (Gaylord Stuckey, truck driver who gave Alex a ride from the Yukon Territory to
Fairbanks, Alaska, p. 159)
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(5) He tried to live entirely off the country—and he tried to do it without bothering to
master beforehand the full repertoire of crucial skills. (p. 182)
(6) And he wasn’t a nutcase, he wasn’t a sociopath, he wasn’t an outcast. McCandless
was something else—although precisely what is hard to say. A pilgrim, perhaps. (p. 85)
Exercise 11: Editing your guided composition
Directions to the teacher:
(1) Use an overhead projector or computer to project the Guided Composition
paragraph and ask students to read along as you read it out loud.
(2) Then project a student paragraph and discuss with the class the differences
between the original and the student paragraph (both paragraphs need to be
projected simultaneously).
(3) Return the student paragraphs and ask them to revise. Don’t give them access to
the original while they are doing this, but give them the quoted language below from
the original. Tell them they can quote or paraphrase.
Alex, just Alex.
He wasn’t carrying anywhere near as much food as you’d expect for that kind of
trip.
Living in the bush is no picnic.
Alex admitted that the only food in his pack was a ten pound bag of rice.
How I feed myself is none of the government’s business.
I don’t want to know what day it is or where I am. None of that matters.
(4) Ask students to compare their edited version with the original.
(5) Debrief by asking them what they learned through the comparison and what they
can apply to their own writing.
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Chapter 8
Exercise 12: Editing your own writing
Directions: Reread your essay on “Into the Wild.”
•
•
•
•
Use an asterisk (*) to mark a place where you have made an assertion
without adequate support. Find a passage in “Into the Wild” that provides
support for the assertion. Following the “Guidelines for Paraphrasing” above,
paraphrase the passages and incorporate it into your essay.
Use an asterisk to mark a second place where you have made an assertion
without adequate support. Following the “Guidelines for Quoting” above,
select the portion of the passage that you want to quote and insert it into your
essay. Make sure you have made the speaker and the context clear.
Exchange your essay with a partner and discuss any questions you have
about you partner’s addition of a paraphrase and a quotation. Check with
your teacher if you can’t agree on an answer.
Reread your entire essay to check that you have:
o reproduced quotations accurately.
o made the speaker and the context is clear.
o selected the best verb to introduce the quotation.
o punctuated quotations correctly.
.
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Chapter 8: Writing About What Others Say
Answer Key
Exercise 2: Using the past time frame to summarize Into the Wild:
Into the Wild, by Jon Krakauer, was published in 1996. It is ]the story of
Christopher McCandless, a young man who went to Alaska to try to find out about
himself and about life. In doing this, he was inspired by great writers like Thoreau,
whose book, Walden, offered his reflections on living apart from mainstream life.
However, McCandless was unprepared for the brutality of the Alaskan wild. He made
crucial mistakes that led to his death and left his family to grieve for him.
(Notice that the phrase “It is the story . . .” uses the present tense to make a
general statement even though the rest of the summary is in the past because
McCandless’s journey into the Alaskan wilderness took place in the past.)
Exercise 3: Using the present time frame (historical present) to summarize Into
the Wild:
Into the Wild, by Jon Krakauer, was published in 1996. It is the story of
Christopher McCandless, a young man who goes to Alaska to try to find out about
himself and about life. In doing this, he is inspired by great writers like Thoreau, whose
book, Walden, offers his reflections on living apart from mainstream life. However,
McCandless is unprepared for the brutality of the Alaskan wild. He makes crucial
mistakes that lead to his death and leave his family to grieve for him.
(This summary uses the historical present even though the events took place in
1992. When we read about events in the past, they seem closer to us when they are
described using the present tense. “Was published’ is in the past tense because
it refers explicitly to a definite past time, “in 1996”, but more importantly, it is
background information and not part of the story narrative.)
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Chapter 8-Answer Key
Exercise 4: Summarizing part of a chapter
Based on Chapter Eight: “Alaska”
Sample Response:
Some Alaskans thought that McCandless was just another bright young rebel
like Gene Rosellini. Gene Rosellini was a member of a prominent Seattle family and
had been an outstanding student and athlete in high school. Although he studied
everything from anthropology to philosophy in college, he never earned a degree.
Eventually, he left school and ended up in Cordova, Alaska, where he set out to see if it
was possible to live without any of the tools of modern life. He believed that modern
people had become inferior because of their dependence on technology. After more than
ten years, he concluded that it was no longer possible to live without tools. Soon after,
he committed suicide at the age of 49.
Exercise 5: Paraphrasing a paragraph
Sample response:
McCandless was different from other people who tried to escape their problems
by going into the wilderness. He wasn’t crazy or criminal or unable to get along with
people. He was reckless and ignorant about the Alaskan wilderness, but he was able to
take care of himself since he survived for 113 days. Unlike the others, McCandless
was searching for spiritual answers.
Exercise 6: Incorporating quotations
Sample response 1: Incorporating a quoted phrase
Krakauer believed that McCandless was “a pilgrim, perhaps” (85), searching
for the meaning of life far from civilization and friends. The notes that McCandless
made in his books certainly suggest that he was trying to discover the meaning of
life. He may even have realized towards the end that people mattered. However, I
think he had a suicidal streak as well. If not, he would have listened to the advice that
Jim Gallien, an Alaskan who was the last person to see McCandless alive, gave him.
He would have prepared himself much better for his journey. Someone who wants to
survive doesn’t go into the wilderness with ten pounds of rice, two tuna sandwiches,
and a bag of Fritos.
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Chapter 8-Answer Key
Sample response 2: Incorporating quoted sentences
Krakauer argues that “McCandless didn’t conform particularly well to the
bush-casualty stereotype” (85) and called him “a pilgrim, perhaps” (85). He searched
for solitude, but he wasn’t crazy, and he showed that he was resourceful during the
113 days he lived in the wilderness. He had rejected his parents’ affluent lifestyle and
wanted to simplify his life and find spiritual fulfillment, but he wasn’t suicidal and
didn’t want to die. As he neared death, he left a note asking to be saved: “S.O.S. I
need your help. I am injured, near death, and too weak to hike out of here. I am all
alone, this is no joke, in the name of God, please remain to save me” (198). These are
the words of someone eager to live and perhaps even to return to the civilization he had
left behind
Exercise 7: Verbs to introduce the words of others
Phrase introducing a quote or Page
reported speech
Verb tense
1. Roman shouts, “. . .
p. 173
present
2. Horowitz . . . had mused
that
p. 174
past perfect
3. both men insisted . . . that
p. 177
past
4. Thompson had told me, “
p. 177
past perfect
5. Samel had scornfully piped p. 177
in
past perfect
6. one Alaska correspondent
observed
p. 177
Expository Reading and Writing Course
past
164
Reason for tense
Krakauer is telling the
story of his trip to the bus
in the present (present
narration)
Horowitz had told
Krakauer this at a time
before Krakauer’s trip.
Krakauer is reporting what
the men said when he
talked to them shortly after
Chris’s body was found, in
other words in the past
before the trip.
Krakauer is introducing
reported speech in the past.
Note that he could have
used the simple past both to
report the speech and for the
speech itself.
Same as above.
Krakauer is reporting what
an Alaskan wrote after the
story of Chris’s death was
published.
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Chapter 8-Answer Key
7. Roman remarks, “. . .
p. 178
present
8. Muir rapturously describes
p. 182
present
9. Andrew Liske points out
p. 183
present
10. Paul Shephard has
observed
p. 183
present
perfect
Krakauer returns to the
present tense because he has
returned to the story of his
trip to the bus (present
narration).
Krakauer uses the present
tense for vividness to
introduce Muir’s
quotation. Muir’s
experience was actually in
1872.
Krakauer uses the present
tense for vividness. Liske
actually read the journal
before Krakauer’s trip to the
bus, so Krakauer could
have used past tense.
Krakauer uses the present
perfect tense to show that
Shephard’s comment has
current relevance.
Exercise 8: Making clear the speaker and the context
1. While living on the streets in Las Vegas, McCandless wrote in his journal, “It is the
experiences, the memories, the great triumphant joy of living to the fullest extent in
which real meaning is found” (37).
2. Wallace Stegner in Mormon Country argues, “What Everett Reuss was after was
beauty, and he conceived of beauty in pretty romantic terms” (77).
3. Everett Reuss wrote in his last letter, “I have not tired of the wilderness. Rather, I
enjoy its beauty and the vagrant life I lead more keenly all the time” (87).
4. Chris was deeply angered when he discovered his father’s previous marriage and
divorce. Krakauer observes, “Children can be harsh judges when it comes to their
parents, disinclined to grant clemency . . .” (122).
5. Krakauer’s own experience as a young man influenced his understanding of Chris’s
motivation. He said, “If something captured my undisciplined imagination, I pursued it
with a zeal bordering on obsession” (134).
6. In May 1992 Alex proclaimed on a sheet of plywood covering a broken window in the
bus, “No longer to be poisoned by civilization he flees, and walks alone upon the land to
become lost in the wild” (163).
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Chapter 8-Answer Key
7. Krakauer concluded, “He had a need to test himself in ways, as he was fond of
saying, ‘that mattered.’’’ (182).
8. Despite all his research and reflections on McCandless’s life and death, Krakauer still
discovered, “his essence remains slippery, vague, elusive” (186).
Exercise 9: Punctuating quotations
1. In Alaska, McCandless discovered the truth of John Campbell’s observation that “the
life of a hunter carries with it the threat of deprivation and death by starvation” (187).
2. Before his death, McCandless had underlined the passage in Doctor Zhivago that asserts
that “love of one’s neighbor” (187) is essential for a human being to contribute to progress.
3. According to Krakauer, despite having killed and eaten animals and birds and
gathered wild potatoes, berries, and mushrooms, McCandless was on the precarious
edge of starvation because he “had run up a sizable caloric deficit” (188).
4. Krakauer seems to believe that McCandless had learned that he needed other
people, and that he planned to “become a member of the human community” (189)
when he returned to the Lower Forty-Eight.
5. According to Krakauer’s initial theory, McCandless “had committed a careless
blunder, confusing one plant for another, and died as a consequence” (192).
6. After finding out about the poison in potato seeds, however, he concluded, “He didn’t
carelessly confuse one species with another: The plant that poisoned him was not
known to be toxic” (194).
7. As he was dying, McCandless “abandoned the cocky moniker, . . . Alexander
Supertramp, in favor of the name given to him at birth by his parents” (198).
8. In spite of his lonely, agonizing death, McCandless’s last were words were, “I have
had a happy life and thank the Lord. Goodbye and May God Bless All!” (199).
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Chapter 8-Answer Key
Exercise 11: Editing a student essay
Sample Response
Shaun Callerman is a typical critic of Chris McCandless. He acknowledges, “I
don’t admire him at all for his courage nor for his noble ideas. Really, I think he was just
plain crazy.” Callarman is convinced that Chris was merely an ignorant young man biting
off more than he could chew, a young man who ventured arrogantly into the wild guided
by farfetched ideas and flawed logic. Although I agree to some extent with Callarman’s
interpretation, I also believe that he has failed to think about Chris’s childhood,
upbringing, and subsequent motives that brought him finally to a bus in the Alaskan
wilderness.
Chris McCandless was not your average Joe. He chose a life of solitude and
shunned society and the things that it represented. A passage he underlined in his copy
of Dr. Zhivago suggests that he hoped “to escape from the meaningless dullness of
human eloquence, from all those sublime phrases, to take refuge in nature . . .” (189).
The question is, what led him to act in this manner? Krakauer, the author of Into the
Wild, delved into what could have led Chris to choose such an uncommon lifestyle. One
of the main factors that Krakauer explores is Chris’s relationship with his father, Walt.
“Given Walt’s need to exert control and Chris’s extravagantly independent nature,
polarization was inevitable” (64). These conflicting attitudes, coupled with Walt’s
alternate marriage and children, created a change in Chris’s outlook which could have
led him to make the decision to go into the wild. According to Gaylord Stuckey, a truck
driver who gave Alex a ride from the Yukon Territory to Fairbanks, Alex “wanted to
prove to himself that he could make it on his own, without anybody else’s help” (159).
Chris’s actions were reasonable to himself, and I find it hard to say this actions are
arrogant. To him, they were noble ideas, worthy of his time and effort.
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Chapter 8-Answer Key
However, Callerman is right that Chris McCandless made mistakes based on
arrogance. Chris can be admired for his ideas, but his execution was flawed. Krakauer
points out, “He tried to live entirely off the country—and he tried to do it without bothering
to master beforehand the full repertoire of crucial skills” (182). He made crucial mistakes
that could have been avoided, and these mistakes cost him his life. He put himself in a
situation for which he was not fully prepared. It’s like a boxer moving up a weight class
when he’s not ready. He is courageous for doing so even though his actions can be
perceived as foolish or arrogant. Chris pushed himself too hard and fast. He paid the
price, but this doesn’t mean that his reasoning was wrong so much as his timing and
planning.
Callerman fails to realize that people do not act foolishly without having a reason.
People who appear to act foolishly always have a logical motive that can explain the
situation. Krakauer’s final conclusion is that McCandless was not crazy; he was a
spiritual seeker (85). It wasn’t romantic silliness that led him into the wild; it was the
dream of finding himself and connecting on a higher level that few of us can fully
comprehend.
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APPENDIX—RESPONDING TO STUDENT WRITING FOR EDITING
Feedback plays a crucial role in acquiring a language. As students in the
Expository Reading and Writing Course struggle to express increasingly sophisticated
ideas in writing, they need to know if they “got it right” and if not, how they need to
modify what they have written so it will be “right.” The dilemma for the teacher is how to
provide feedback that is cost effective, in other words, where the teacher’s time and
effort and the student’s progress are in balance. Teachers can spend large amounts of
time marking students’ errors, but if the feedback doesn’t result in improved writing, it’s a
waste of time. They need to get the most out of a relatively modest amount of time
invested in marking student errors because they have to also give students feedback on
the global aspects of their writing, the ideas and the ways in which they are organized
and developed. What follows are some suggestions for responding efficiently and
effectively to student errors.
•
Ask students to edit for grammatical correctness as the last step of the
writing process. In an out-of-class writing situation, it’s a good idea to advise
students to set aside their paper and come back to it later with fresh eyes. In a
timed situation, students should budget their time and reserve the last few
minutes for editing.
•
Explain the role of editing. Help students keep sight of editing as a rhetorical
tool that they can use to make their arguments clearer and more persuasive.
Make sure they don’t view it simply as busy work and that they understand that
the skills they are learning will serve them well in college and on the job.
•
Target key error types. As you select what to mark, consider the seriousness
of the error, its frequency, and whether the rule is “portable.” Help students to
identify their patterns of error and edit systematically for them. Limit your
marking of other errors.
•
Identify errors, but don’t make corrections for the targeted error patterns.
At the beginning you will need to label targeted errors, but make students
responsible for repairing the error. Once students are familiar with their personal
patterns of error, you can simply underline or highlight errors. Ultimately,
students should be able to identify and correct their own errors. Supply
corrections for serious errors that you don’t think the student will be able to
correctly independently.
•
Provide students with correct words or phrases for lexical errors—those
not governed by rules. It isn’t helpful to tell students they have used a wrong
word since they have no way to figure out the right word. Instead, supply the
correct word or phrase, but Ask them to keep a log of these words that they can
use it edit future papers.
•
Teach students how to use a dictionary for editing. Dictionaries, particularly
those designed for learners of English, provide valuable information about the
language beyond definitions. Students can check if a noun is count or non-count
or find out what preposition follows a particular verb, but they need instruction
and practice in using a dictionary in this way.
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Appendix—Responding to Student Writing for Editing
•
Systematically mark the errors in one or two paragraphs. Give students
class time to edit when you return their essay. After reviewing the paragraph(s)
that you have marked, they can apply what they have learned to the rest of the
essay, and you can answer questions that arise on the spot.
•
Give students feedback about their editing. Even when students make their
best effort, they will produce new and different errors when they edit. They need
feedback so they don’t assume those new errors are correct.
•
Do debriefing. After students have written an in- or out-of-class assignment,
ask them about the editing strategies that they used and what they would do
differently next time. Before their next essay, remind them of what they learned
the last time.
A Very Short List of Editing Labels
Students need to have their sentence-level errors labeled in order for them to learn to
identify their errors. Using a minimum number of labels makes it easier for students to
remember what they mean and also speeds up the job of marking for teachers. The
following labels are used in the exercises in this book. Using them consistently in
marking student writing will help them locate their errors and understand that individual
errors are often part of a larger pattern of error that they can and should master.
noun
All errors in formation of nouns; plurals and singulars
verb
All errors of verb form (endings) and verb tense
s-v agree
Subject-verb agreement
run-on
Run-on sentence or comma splice
frag.
Sentence fragment
punct.
Punctuation error
sp.
Spelling error
sent.
Sentence error—error in the way clauses are formed and joined
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