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Healthy Growth and Sexuality By Mr. Douglas Disclaimer *No personal remarks* Hands up if you have a question, or would like to add to the conversation. Developmental Stages of Sexuality Where you are now: Some various stage of puberty. Puberty typically starts between 10-14. Can vary greatly in timing and the rate of change. Varies between sexes. You are changing physically… and mentally: Positives You are becoming more mature Longer attention span Increase in cognitive capacity Negatives Mood Swings Distracted by urges Insecurities Finding your own identity Sexuality Coming of age sexually happens to a lot of people around the university age. Some earlier, some later. Although you may think there is stigma attached, there really isn’t. My advice is to wait until you are completely ready and understand what you want and know what the consequences are. Sexual relationships There maybe pressures to enter into a sexual relationship: Peers – friends bragging, making it seem normal to be sexually active and abnormal not to. Biology – your hormones, making urges very strong and overwhelming. Bad relationship – may have pressure from boyfriend/ girlfriend. Throwing alcohol into the mix: Puberty (emotionally unstable + strong urges) peer pressure X alcohol = Very bad decisions = The worst hangover ever. Pregnancy, STD’s, ruined lives: http://thechronicleherald.ca/metro/1250838-no-jailtime-in-high-profile-child-pornography-case-in-halifax http://www.buzzfeed.com/ryanhatesthis/no-jail-timefor-teen-who-took-photo-that-led-a-rape-victim You are VERY lucky to be from one of the most liberal and accepting places on the planet. It is very east to be yourself. (As a side note, racially too, Toronto is very accepting. It is normal to be different, which makes Toronto so diverse and interesting.) Some places in the world are not so good. http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/world/african-leaders-move-topass-anti-gay-laws-reports-say/article21688964/ Or places were it is not good to be born female: http://t.thestar.com/#/article/news/world/2008/03/08/ten_worst_countries _for_women.html Seeking help and advice If you are becoming uncomfortable with what is happening inside your own skin then you should seek help Talking about things is healthy Guys and girls are very different about seeking advice and talking about things Family: parents, brothers and sisters People at school: Guidance Counselor Friends (some more than others) *Someone who is trustworthy* So, before sexual relationships – you should be well aware of what a healthy relationship is A healthy relationship is one which both people involved benefit and feel comfortable. Characteristics of a healthy relationship: Mutual respect & consideration - fairness Honesty & trust Dependability / responsibility Commitment Caring Unhealthy relationship http://charmeck.org/city/charlotte/cmpd/organization/investigative/special victims/domesticviolence/pages/unhealthy%20relationship%27s%20characteris tics.aspx Three communication styles 1. Passive – involves inability or unwillingness to express thoughts and feelings. (Ex: A sister picks on her little brother, and he does not stand up for himself) 2. Aggressive – often try to get their way through bullying or intimidation 3. Assertive – involves expressing thoughts and feelings clearly and directly but without hurting others. Sustaining a healthy relationship What does it take? Individuals must utilize factors of healthy relationship to be able to maintain one Just because you are sometimes fair or sometimes caring does not mean you have a healthy relationship Attributes to your relationships must be consistent Factors that Lead to Responsible Sexual Relationships Education Understanding healthy relationship factors Positive self-esteem Hobbies and activities (other priorities) Problem solving strategies Knowing how to say “No” Self-respect Open communication (P, P, P) Communicating openly and honestly to your partner Know alternatives to sexual intercourse Knowing your comfort level Access to contraceptive Assertive communication What did you notice about the list? Communication is the #1 tool during an intimate relationship Talking and discussing issues or ideas is a great way to keep a healthy sexual relationship
