Download Sexual Flourishing in Marriage: Wisdom from the King

Jonathan Impellizzeri
PhD, LPC, NCC
[email protected]
Sexual
Flourishing
in Marriage:
Exploring Wisdom from
King Solomon on sexual
communication &
intimacy
2
What is our culture’s script
about sexuality?
What does the Bible have to say
about healthy sexuality & how
does it connect to the larger
drama of redemptive history?
The Song of Solomon
• Part of the OT Wisdom literature
• Not intended as a sex manual per se
but as love poetry
• Some debate among OT Scholars over
authorship and intended interpretive
framework
• The text encourages & validates their
lovemaking: “Eat, friends; Drink and
imbibe deeply, O lovers.” (SOS 5:1).
3
The Song of Solomon: Chapter 7:1-6
7 How beautiful are your feet in sandals,
O noble daughter!
Your rounded thighs are like jewels,
the work of a master hand.
2 Your navel is a rounded bowl
that never lacks mixed wine.
Your belly is a heap of wheat,
encircled with lilies.
3 Your two breasts are like two fawns,
twins of a gazelle.
4 Your neck is like an ivory tower.
Your eyes are pools in Heshbon,
by the gate of Bath-rabbim.
Your nose is like a tower of Lebanon,
which looks toward Damascus.
5 Your head crowns you like Carmel,
and your flowing locks are like purple;
a king is held captive in the tresses.
6 How beautiful and pleasant you are,
O loved one, with all your delights!
The Song of Solomon: Chapter 7:7-13
7
Your stature is like a palm tree,
and your breasts are like its clusters.
8 I say I will climb the palm tree
and lay hold of its fruit.
Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine,
and the scent of your breath like apples,
9 and your mouth like the best wine.
She
It goes down smoothly for my beloved,
gliding over lips and teeth.
10 I am my beloved's,
and his desire is for me.
The Bride Gives Her Love
11 Come, my beloved,
let us go out into the fields
and lodge in the villages;
12 let us go out early to the vineyards
and see whether the vines have budded,
whether the grape blossoms have opened
and the pomegranates are in bloom.
There I will give you my love.
13 The mandrakes give forth fragrance,
and beside our doors are all choice fruits,
new as well as old,
which I have laid up for you, O my beloved.
He notices her personhood
He TALKS!!! & Affirms her character
He talks to her about his longing for her
She is responsive & playful
She is assertive
She is creative
Great sex is far more about the character traits of
each partner & the quality of the relationship rather
than mastery of sexual techniques!
It tells us something about:
• Who God is as a Trinity
• Who we are as image bearers
• The nature of Christ’s relationship with
His church
“Research has consistently found that sexual
communication is important to sexual
satisfaction and sexual well being. That is,
individuals who self disclose more about their
sexual likes and dislikes to their partner report
having greater sexual wellbeing.”
Byers, E. S. (2011). Beyond the Birds and the Bees and Was It Good for You?:
Thirty Years of Research on Sexual Communication. Canadian Psychology,
52(1), 20-28. doi: 10.1037/a0022048
1. Complexity of gender, bodies,
& desire
2. Family/cultural confusion &
myths
3. Unresolved sexual hurts &
wounds
4. Inadequate language
(Rosenau & Sytsma, 2014)
1. Making love comes natural when you love
someone
2. Good sex must be spontaneous
3. I shouldn’t have to ask, we both should “want it”
4. What feels good to me will feel good to my
partner
5. Sex is serious business
6. Sex is neat
7. Routine sex will loose it’s enjoyment
1. Who initiates?
2. How often?
3. How they initiate?
4. What is initiated?
5. When the answer is “no”
1. Pick a book on Christian marital sexuality to read out loud to
each other.
a. Highly recommend When Two Become One by
Christopher and Rachel McCluskey.
b. Easy to read and accurate information.
2. Pick a time where you won’t be interrupted.
3. Settle down on your bed and take turns reading the book out
loud.
4. Pause often to discuss what you are reading.
a. Do you agree with the author?
b. Does what the author describes fit you, your spouse, or
your marriage?
5. Use the book’s language and subject as a spring board to start
your own discussion.
(Rosenau & Sytsma, 2014)
Hart, A., Hart-Webber, C., & Thomas, D. T. (2004). The secrets of eve. Thomas Nelson
Publishers.
A study of 2000 Christian women talking about their sex lives.. It’s a good reference for husbands to
understand their wives.
McCluskey, C., & McCluskey, R. (2004). When two become one: Achieving sexual
intimacy in marriage. Grand Rapids, MI: Revell.
An easy to read book that focuses on the spirit of the act.
Penner, C., & Penner J. (2003). The gift of sex: A guide to sexual fulfillment. Nashville, TN:
W. Publishers.
Another great manual by two of the leading writers and sex therapists. Filled with wisdom and
practical guidance.
Penner, C., & Penner J. (2007). The way to love your wife: creating greater love and
passion in the bedroom. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers.
A great book on the subject of sexuality from a Christian perspective.While targeted toward men,
this is a great choice for a couple to read together.
Rosenau, D. (2002). Celebration of sex. Nashville: Nelson.
A great manual for Christian couples. The first few chapters focus on the heart of sex and being a
great lover. The rest of the book addresses typical problem areas. Read through the first section and
then pick and choose what you think applies to your marriage.