Download Three things I like I like the opening, using two distinctive

Three things I like
1. I like the opening, using two distinctive comparisons of different kinds of Indian
people to refer to the strong system supporting the stability of the society.
2. I like the conclusion, in which you view caste system from different perspectives.
One is for the benefit of India Society, the other for the benefit of individuals.
However, these two still combines in the final conclusion that this system is still
going to influence Indian people for years to come.
3. The main structure is organized. From introducing a little bit of the history to the
system, and then lastly their influence. And I like most of the wordings in your
essay. They just seem more sophisticated than mine!
Three confusing things
1. In the second paragraph, “In order to rule the land, the four-fold division of
society was developed and bound straight to the colour of a person’s
complexion.” This connection between cast system and complexion color is not
stated in any following paragraphs.
2. The four classifications of Caste system are not that new to me. I’m more
interested in the part that Caste system stabilizes India society, which seems to be
your thesis statement in the opening paragraph. However, the part depicting the
stabilizing function is not so convincing to me. Adding real examples might help
with this problem.
3.
Shudras carry the weight of the whole society. I don’t really understand what
“weight” it is refering to.
Questions
1. In the sixth paragraph, Vaishyas’s main jobs include business and farm work. But
in the end of the paragraph, businessmen and farmers seem to have different
ways to go in the growing economy. Does it mean that among Vaishyas are
splitting into two groups?
2. Only in the paragraph of Shudras did you talk about some changes made during
the years. What about changes made among the other three?
3. The law enacted requires people not to discriminate people in any kind of
position. What possibly would be the discrimination towards Brahmins,
Kshatriyas, and Vaishyas?
Grammar
1. In the third paragraph, “In modern India, in day-to-day life, caste still has strong
hold, especially in villages where there is a population of eighty percent of Indian
people although they can choose to convert to other religions to free from the
strict restrictions the system has imposed on them.” In this sentence, the subject
is “caste,” but later in the sentence, “they” actually refers to Indian people.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Different subjects appear in one same sentence. Adjustments are needed.
“…usually it is the king’s responsibility to protect his kingdom, people and further
to maintain the social order.” There should be an “and” between “kingdom” and
“people.”
In the fifth paragraph, the last sentence is not completed.
In the sixth paragraph, I’m wondering whether “involve with” is ok in the
sentence or not, “Their jobs are involved with business and farm work.”
In the seventh paragraph, “Carrying the weight of the whole society, they
perform sanitary and other menial work that other castes will never have to do
such as human waste cleaner, cremation ground worker and butchers.” You need
a comma before “such as.” Also, the seventh paragraph should be split into a new
paragraph starting from the sentence, “Though the caste system results in
inequality to most Indian people, it does have some advantages.”
Summary
The main structure of your essay is organized. You have a good opening and a
good conclusion. However, there are some confusing parts, the skin color part,
the stabilizing function of caste system, and the weight that the bottoms are
carrying. Other trivial things include some grammar mistakes, which are stated as
above. Moreover, there are some ideas with reference to the split among
Vaishyas, changes made towards the top three in cast system, and also to the
anti-discrimination law that I’m curious about. These are mainly my comment on
your classification essay.
After discussion
You can add examples with regard to each casts. How each casts hold an
irreplaceable career or role in society, and thus possibly stabilize society.