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Chapter 06 - The Importance and Skill of Listening Chapter Six The Importance and Skill of Listening Chapter Overview Listening to others and understanding the meaning behind nonverbal messages is an important skill for managers today. In this chapter we discuss listening: what it is, why it’s important, and the barriers to effective listening. We discuss the characteristics of active listening and strategies for listening actively. We also discuss what is involved in nonverbal communication and how to improve one’s communication skills by being attuned to a person’s non-verbal messages. Learning Objectives After reading this chapter, the student/reader will be able to: Ask a friend to be a good listener or sounding board (rather than a problem solver) when discussing something important. Use behaviors that demonstrate willingness to be a good listener or sounding board. Differentiate between positive and negative listening behaviors. Accurately send nonverbal signals. Accurately interpret others' nonverbal signals. Chapter Outline Communication is the act of exchanging thoughts, messages, or information. This exchange can happen through any number of channels. There are rich channels of communication, such as face-to-face or telephone conversations, that are best used for messages with potentially unclear meanings or with emotional content. There are also lean channels, such as e-mails or memos, which are appropriate for routine messages. Communication is a two-way street. This chapter reviews the basic concepts of effective listening and the importance of nonverbal signals. What is Listening? Listening goes beyond merely hearing what another person is saying to constructing meaning from all the verbal and nonverbal signals the speaker is sending. Words often comprise only a small part of a message being sent. To obtain the complete message you must listen with your ears, eyes, and heart. Effective listening has three dimensions: 1. Sensing involves hearing the words and receiving the nonverbal signals such as body language and facial expressions. 2. Processing/evaluating involves understanding the meaning, interpreting the implications, evaluating the nonverbal cues, and remembering the message. 3. Responding involves the listener sending the speaker verbal or nonverbal signals that they are being heard. 6-1 Chapter 06 - The Importance and Skill of Listening There are several different types of listening: 1. Passive listening occurs when one is trying to absorb as much of the information presented as possible. 2. Attentive listening occurs when one is genuinely interested in the speaker’s point of view. 3. Active or empathetic listening is the most powerful level of listening; involves high levels of attentiveness, clarification and processing of messages. True active listeners spend almost 70 percent of their time listening and less than 30 percent of their time talking (the “70/30” principle). The Importance of Active Listening Active listening: Shows the listener that you are concerned. Leads to getting better information. Encourages further communication. Has the potential to enhance relationships, involves offering mutual support and developing common understanding. Strengthens trust and enhances interactions. Invites others to listen to you. Barriers to Effective Listening Many factors contribute to difficulties in listening: Physiological limitations. Inadequate background information. Selective perception. Selective memory. Selective expectation. Fear of being influenced or persuaded. Bias and being judgmental. Boredom. Partial listening and distractions. Rehearsing. Interference from emotions. Characteristics of Active Listening Several strategies to become an active listener: Show interest and be sincere in listening. Ask questions if you don't understand completely. Avoid distractions. Use direct eye contact. Do not interrupt. Read both the verbal and nonverbal messages. Be empathetic. Paraphrase to correct misinterpretations. Evaluate the message after hearing all the facts. 6-2 Chapter 06 - The Importance and Skill of Listening Concentrate on the message, not the messenger. Give feedback to check accuracy, express your perspective and broaden the interaction. Listen with your entire body. Don't talk so much yourself. Active Listening and Organizations Leads to higher levels of employee responsiveness. Provides clearer understanding of organizational issues. Increases employee commitment to quality. Improves intra-organizational communication. Nonverbal Communication Nonverbal communication is conveying meaning or expressing feelings consciously or subconsciously through means other than words. Research indicates that over 55 percent of interpersonal communication is conveyed nonverbally. Most of us trust nonverbal cues far more than we trust another’s words. When asked which part of a message they relied on to detect the speaker’s true feelings, people relied on the spoken word only 7 percent; on tone of voice and pace of speech, 38 percent; and on facial expression and other body language, 55 percent. People will almost always disbelieve the spoken word if an opposite message is being delivered with tone of voice, posture, and facial expression. Nonverbal communication cues fall into two broad classes. 1. Nonverbal visual cues include facial expressions, eye blinks, eye contact, gaze aversion, nodding, smiles, postural shifts, physical positioning, and other bodily behaviors. 2. Paraverbal communication cues include aspects related to speech, such as pitch, pauses, tone of voice, inflection, and voice volume. We communicate nonverbally in several ways: 1. Kinesics involves body movement, gestures and posture. 2. Para-language refers to the tone of voice, volume, pitch or speech rate. 3. Environment refers to the signals sent by the layout of the space or room, lighting, color scheme, noise, decorations, etc. 4. Chronemics is the study of how human beings use and structure time. 5. Proxemics is the study of what you communicate by the way you use interpersonal space. 6. Haptics (tactile communication) refers to the use of touch. 6-3 Chapter 06 - The Importance and Skill of Listening Teaching Notes Motivating the discussion Imagine you were traveling to a business meeting. You (or your secretary) made reservations several weeks earlier, yet when you arrive, there's only one room available and it's not non-smoking as you requested. You're upset. It's 2am, you're tired and you want the room you reserved. The desk clerk says there's nothing she can do; she'll call the manager. How are you feeling at this point? (Angry, frustrated that you have to wait to talk with the manager—without any guarantee that s/he will fix the problem). Now, what if the desk clerk said, "I'm truly sorry. I know how frustrated you must feel; I would if this happened to me. Let me get the manager; it's possible we can work something out that's acceptable to you." In this scenario, the desk clerk is still unable to offer immediate assistance, however, when she empathizes with you, you are more likely to calm down and become a little less upset than when no such empathy is offered. Discuss why this is so. Ask participants if they ever completed a task or assignment incorrectly because they misunderstood the directions given. How could the situation have been prevented? What responsibility do the student/teacher, employee/boss and/or child/parent have in the creation and resolution of this misunderstanding? Other questions that can be asked to motivate the discussion are: o Think about a recent time when you had a personal problem and shared your concern with a good friend. Was your friend a good listener? What listening behaviors did he or she exhibit that made you feel you were being heard/understood? o Can you identify someone in your workplace or class who is "good" at listening? What characteristics does this person exhibit? What behaviors do they use that exemplify effective listening? o Think about your most recent manager: your boss, summer employer, club officer, teacher or parent. Would you describe this person as a good listener? Why or why not? Ideas for presenting material One way to begin is with an activity like “Listening Via the Rumor Mill” (Exercise 6A). The difficulties in communication— especially listening—are likely to be illustrated clearly. You could then ask students to brainstorm the reasons why the beginning story became so modified in the end. Throughout the lecture, discussion, and activities, refer back to this brainstormed list, e.g., "by doing this, this particular problem should decrease." (Interesting data point: studies show that the grapevine is not only an important source of information, but it is also about 75% accurate.1) Another option is to videotape a talk show or debate (e.g., political). Show several minutes and ask students to identify characteristics of effective and ineffective listening skills. Ask students what impact one's listening skills have on "likeability," professionalism, etc. How do listening skills in a talk show or debate differ from those in a one-on-one conversation? 6-4 Chapter 06 - The Importance and Skill of Listening A dynamic way to begin the class is to have the participants engage in an activity designed to help them experience the frustration that non-listening can cause. Arrange the group into pairs and have one try to talk for a few minutes while the other actively engages in non-verbal and verbal ineffective listening behaviors. Anything short of hitting someone is permissible! The inattentive listener can avoid eye contact, take notes while "listening," talk about something else, say they're listening while looking around the room, pretend to watch TV or play a video game while "listening," overtalk, etc. Afterwards you can facilitate a discussion about (and scribe on the board) the non-verbal and verbal examples of non-effective listening that were the most frustrating for those who were trying to speak. This is a good lead-in to a discussion about what strategies do work when trying to listen effectively. Non-Verbal Messages and Organizations – Have students create a list of non-verbal signals organizations send to stakeholders. Using the non-verbal categories listed in the chapter, challenge groups to find examples for each category. Discuss how these messages can impact business. Discuss how organizations can use non-verbals to improve relationships with stakeholders Discussion Questions Why is active or empathic listening so hard to do? Selective perception, bias Physical and physiological barriers or limitations Selective memory Selective expectation or belief you know what the speaker is trying to say before s/he completes (related to this is the self fulfilling prophecy) Boredom or disinterest Preoccupied coming up with our rebuttals to the speaker's arguments Use of jargon or language specific to a group, organization, etc.—not mentioned in the book Few would argue the importance of active or empathic listening. However, there may be times when you aren't in the mood. Should a friend or loved one catch us at this time and begin sharing a problem with you, what would you do? One option is to pretend to listen. Nod and say "uh huh" now and again. Another is to gently stop your friend and say, "I really want to hear what you have to say, but I'm really preoccupied at the moment. Can we talk after lunch? Another option is to muster up the energy to get in the mood and be there for your friend. You'd want the same from him/her. Discuss these options. While there's no right answer, the first option is not recommended. Ask students why this is so. 6-5 Chapter 06 - The Importance and Skill of Listening One element of active listening is maintaining eye contact with the speaker. For various reasons, some people don't or can't do this. Why is this so and what impact might this have on communication? Why? Self-esteem issues, fear of appearing confrontational, cultural differences (in some cultures, direct eye contact is a sign of disrespect or challenge), habits. Based on our interpretation of eye contact, we could judge a speaker who makes little or no eye contact as untrustworthy, sneaky, trying to hide something, inattentive, uncaring. However, these interpretations may not hold in all cultures. The text discusses proxemics or the way in which we use space in communicating and how one's "safe zone" may be larger or smaller depending on the context (business or personal) and the culture. If someone were too close, how would you respond? One option is to back away. The closer they come, the more you move away. Another option is to give nonverbal indications that the distance between you is too small. Another option is to politely express your feelings about personal space in an "I" message. "I feel uncomfortable when you stand so close to me. I don't want to offend you, however, I need more space." Offer your conversation partner a seat across a table from you. Even if there's no table, some feel more comfortable when seated closely than when standing closely. Discuss the pros and cons of the options. Notes on Selected Exercises Exercise 6–A LISTENING VIA THE RUMOR MILL Purpose: To illustrate effective listening techniques Time: 20 min. Resources/Set-up: Need five volunteers, copies of the rumor or story (see below) and a chalkboard Activity Instructions: 1. Five volunteers will be listeners. Have four of the volunteers leave the room. 2. Instruct all others in the room to serve as observers, taking note of effective or ineffective listener behaviors (i.e., paraphrasing, eye contact, interrupting the speaker). 3. Tell the first listener (A) a brief story or read a short passage. Another volunteer (B) returns to the room. The first volunteer (A) relates the story to (B). They then have a conversation. Another volunteer (C) returns, and (B) relates the story to (C). This process continues through five volunteers. The final listening volunteer (E) writes on the board what (E) recalls of the story. 4. The volunteers are allowed to compare notes—and laugh at the distortions between the first version of the story and the last! 6-6 Chapter 06 - The Importance and Skill of Listening Possible story: Bonnie Simpson, an honors senior, is running for Student Government President against Bob Harper, a junior from Pittsburgh. My friend Mike Baker saw Bonnie at a Beta Sigma party last Friday, and she was drunk and obnoxious. Another friend Pam told me she saw Bonnie later that night cutting Bob apart and telling him how she was going to make a fool out of him in the election. Dr. Cook is looking into charges filed by Bob and may force Bonnie to leave the race. If so, I heard that Karen Piper, a senior basketball player, wants to run in her place. (or make up your own) Discussion/Debrief: See questions in text. This exercise could lead to a discussion on identifying effective techniques for improving listening skills as well as a discussion on the barriers to and importance of listening. Discuss what you can do as a listener and as a sender to ensure the message is sent and received correctly. You can also use this exercise to discuss the informal aspects (or grapevine) within an organization. Variations: This could be done with a shorter story, and/or with the entire class. Develop a scenario based around your organization or industry. Exercise 6–B ACTIVE LISTENING Purpose: To practice techniques for effective listening Time: 30-50 min. Resources/Set-up: Need groups of three, copy of the observation rating form (in chapter), list of potential topics to be used (see chapter) Activity Instructions: See chapter Discussion/Debrief: See questions in the text. Some points worth emphasizing relative to these questions include: 1. Behaviors that lead to effective communication and problem resolution. 2. The list of hindering factors should reinforce barriers to effective listening. 3. If the assigned position was opposite the student's actual position, some might note the difficulty of being persuasive. Others might note how taking the opposite position enabled them to put themselves in the other's shoes more easily—a kind of forced empathy. 6-7 Chapter 06 - The Importance and Skill of Listening 4. It's also possible that if the topic was uninteresting or didn't resonate for the student/s, there may have been no discernible difference on which position was taken. 5. This question can be discussed in small groups or as a large class discussion. Exercise 6–C TOOLS OF ACTIVE LISTENING Purpose: To practice developing appropriate responses and use of several active listening tools Time: 20-30 min. Resources/Set-up: Copy of Tools for Active Listening worksheet (in chapter) Activity Instructions: After providing information or a lecture on active listening, this exercise can be assigned as a homework/assessment worksheet and used to lead a discussion of active listening tools. Discussion/Debrief: A few areas worth clarification include: The first tool, empathetic response, seems simple, yet many students go too far in their listener response. Many will respond with statements like, "you should talk to your boss about this" or "this happened to me, too, and here's how I fixed it." Neither of these demonstrates empathetic listening; rather they represent problem solving. Instead, an appropriate empathetic response would be "I sense that you're upset about being told one thing and being treated differently. That must be frustrating." The difference between restatement and paraphrasing. Restatement uses the speaker's words to demonstrate you've heard what s/he has said. Paraphrasing involves your interpretation—in your own words—of what the speaker has said. It demonstrates you've heard and understood the speaker. Summative statements can be very helpful in negotiations, team meetings and conversations in which one or more speakers have agreed to do or decide on something. They can focus, reinforce key points, and bring closure to a discussion. The answers to the matching section are: 1-b, 2-f, 3-a, 4-e, 5-d, 6-c Exercise 6–D IMPROVING NONVERBAL OBSERVATION SKILLS Purpose: To observe and evaluate nonverbal gestures and communication. Time: Varies Resources/Set-up: TV, TV/VCR if in class/group setting; large room with significant open space 6-8 Chapter 06 - The Importance and Skill of Listening Activity Instructions: 1. Have participants observe on TV or in everyday life how people use body movements to convey meaning. Have them make note of: Facial gestures look at eyes and eyebrows, mouths, etc. Arm and hand gestures Feet, balance and posture Breathing What patterns do they pick up? Are there clusters of body movements, i.e., simultaneous hand, face and posture changes? If clusters are observed, are the components of the clusters congruent with one another? Have them specify these behaviors. If congruence is lacking, have them explain why this is the case and what impact this might have in communication. Are the nonverbal clusters congruent with the speaker's verbal message? Explain. 2. Have participants form dyads and have one participant stand in the middle of a room or empty space and have the other partner walk slowly toward them. The first partner should ask the other person to stop walking as soon as they begin to feel uncomfortable. They should then instruct their partner to move closer or further away until they are at a comfortable distance. This is your personal buffer zone. Does this zone change when different people walk toward you? Explain. Have them compare their notes with one or two others that have done this exercise. Were there differences? To what can they attribute these differences? Experiment with others' buffer zones. For example, stand "too close" while waiting in line, on an elevator or in a bus. Observe that person's response to you. (Proceed carefully…possibly with members of your own gender). Discussion/Debrief: See questions in text. Ask participants what they learned about themselves through this exercise. Ask participants to discuss in small groups how their behavior and reactions in this exercise are similar to/different from their behavior and reactions in past situations. What role does context (e.g., work, social, public setting) play? 6-9 Chapter 06 - The Importance and Skill of Listening Exercise 6–E NONVERBAL ROLE PLAY Purpose: To practice using and reading non-verbal gestures and messages Time: Depends on the number of scenes role-played; approx. 15 mins. per scene Resources/Set-up: Small groups of 3-5 Activity Instructions: 1. In small groups, have participants create a role-play involving only body language with no talking. They are to pick a scene and characters and let the rest be improvised by the members. 2. They are not to overplay the scene but rather allow the audience to guess and make assumptions based on use of everyday nonverbal cues. 3. Have the groups present their role-play in front of the class. They may or may not set up the scene for the audience. Allow them to play out the scene for a few minutes. Discussion/Debrief: Some possible scenes (if participants can't decide) include: getting a raise, being dumped by a boy/girlfriend, waiting for an important phone call, buying a car, disciplining a child, bartering for goods or services, preparing an elaborate meal, playing a game of basketball/baseball/volleyball, asking a professor for a higher grade. More elaborate scenes may require some initial set-up discussion. See questions in text for the basis of discussion and debrief. Exercise 6–F REFLECTION/ACTION PLAN This can be done by the participants as an assignment or they can discuss in pairs or a class discussion can be facilitated by the Instructor. Additional Exercises INTERPRETING BODY LANGUAGE Purpose: To discuss the meaning of non-verbal gestures Time: 20-30 minutes for each Resources/Set-up: None required 6-10 Chapter 06 - The Importance and Skill of Listening Activity Instructions: Divide group into small groups and have them discuss the two topics in the chapter. Hand Gestures Some gestures include: handshake, peace sign, hello (wave), the OK (North American) sign, scolding with index finger, high five, stop (fingers outstretched, arm extended, palm facing away), fist pounding on table, wringing of hands, pointing to nose Facial Emotions Some feelings or messages include: fear, sadness, anger, happiness, surprise, boredom, reassurance, "I disagree," "I don't care," "I don't like you" Discussion/Debrief: How clearly interpreted were the signals? To what do you attribute this? How does culture influence the interpretation of hand and facial gestures? How much of this is unconscious to the "speaker"? To the listener? How can you check whether your gestures are interpreted as intended? ELEVATING AWARNESS OF THE IMPORTANCE OF ATTENTIVE LISTENING, see “Sharing the importance of attentive listening skills,” Thomas Clark, Journal of Management Education, April 1999, Vol. 23, Iss.2, p216. Additional Resources Brooks B Kenny and Jill C Rasmussen, “Best Practices in Communications: Ten Tips for Improving Communications and Setting the Stage for Your Success,” Public Manager 34, no. 1 (Spring 2005), pp. 19–21. Claus Jacobs and David Coghlan, “Sound from Silence: On Listening In Organizational Learning,” Human Relations 58, no. 1 (Jan 2005), pp. 115–138. Max Messmer, “Communicating Effectively with Employees,” Strategic Finance 86, no. 8 (Feb 2005), pp. 15–16. Scott Nadler and Roy L. Simerly, “The Effect of Listening on the Formation of Students Trust and Commitment in Academic Advising: A Study at a United States University,” International Journal of Management 23, no. 2 (June 2006), pp. 215–221. James S. O'Rourke and Sandra D. Collins, Listening and Responding (Mason, OH: Thomson South-Western, 2005). J. William Pfeiffer, "Not Listening: A Dyadic Role Play," Structured Experiences Kit, locator # C-L-2, University Associates, San Diego, CA, International Authors B.V. 1980. 6-11 Chapter 06 - The Importance and Skill of Listening Pfeiffer, "Listening Triads: Building Communication Skills," locator # C-L-1. Rosemary P Ramsey and Ravipreet S Sohi, “Listening To Your Customers: The Impact of Perceived Salesperson Listening Behavior on Relationship Outcomes,” Academy of Marketing Science 25, no. 2 (Spring 1997) pp. 127–137. Carl R. Rogers, On Becoming A Person, Boston, MA: Houghton Mifflin, 1961. Robert Walsh, “Brain-friendly communication,” Training & Development, Feb 2000 v54 i2 p17. Endnotes R. Rowan, “Where Did That Rumor Come from?” Fortune, August 1979, p. 134, citing K. Davis, “Management Communication and the Grapevine,” Harvard Business review, Sept-Oct 1953, p. 43. 1 6-12