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Module Nine: Emotional Communication (Conversation) •81 Talk to Your Neighbour Discuss how you think you will do on the next test in this class – and why you think you’ll get the mark you think you will Complete Test Yourself in your EZ Guide •82 Body, Mind, and Culture in Emotions Emotions involve at least three parts: • Body – Most obvious reactions; blushing, sweating palms, smiling. • Mind – Involves evaluations and interpretations Evaluations of what happens have greater influence than what actually happens • Culture – Framework both for interpreting emotions and expressing emotions; saving face, revealing true feelings. •8 -3 Principles of Emotional Conversation Emotions are • always important. • not the same as expressions. • communicated verbally and nonverbally. • good and bad. • contagious. •8 -4 Obstacles in Communicating Emotions • Social rules and customs Training early in life when boys are taught not to cry and girls are encouraged to express emotions openly • Fear of exposing weakness Being vulnerable for attack and may lead to conflict • Inadequate interpersonal skills Many people cannot effectively communicate their feelings. •8 -5 Guidelines for Communicating Emotions Intrapersonal Tasks • Understand your emotions. • Decide if you wish to express your feelings. • Assess your communication options. Tasks for Expression • • • • Describe your feelings. Identify the reasons for your feelings. Anchor your feelings to the present. Own your own feelings. •8 -6 Anger Communication Get ready to communicate calmly and logically. Examine your communication options. Consider the advantages of delaying the expression of anger. Remember that different cultures have different norms for what is and what is not appropriate to display. Apply the relevant skills of interpersonal communication. Recall the irreversibility of communication. •8 -7 Opening: “Hi! What’s going on?” Feedforward: “I hate to bother you, but...” Business: “I’ve just found a new way to import a file.” Feedback: “So, you may want to try it.” Closing: “Got to go...” The Conversation Process: Conversation Methods •8 -8 Step One: Opening Can tell others that you’re accessible Can reveal important information about the relationship between yourself and the other person Helps maintain the relationship Is generally consistent in tone with the main part of the conversation •89 Step Two: Feedforward • Open the channels of communication • Preview future messages • Altercast – places receiver in specific role • Disclaimer – ensures your message is understood and will not reflect negatively on you •810 Step Three: Business Exchange of speaker and listener roles Goal-directed Cultural taboos Learn, relate, influence, play, help – the purpose of the conversation •811 Step Four: Feedback Positive or negative Person focused or message focused Immediate or delayed Low monitored (spontaneous, honest) or high monitored (constructed for specific purpose) Supportive or critical •812 Step Five: Closing Signals the end of access May signal some degree of supportiveness May summarize the interaction May be verbal, nonverbal, or a combination of both •813 How to Improve Conversations • Use openings that are sensitive • Use openers that acknowledge the listener • Avoid using overly long feed forwards • Use feed forward before a shocking message • Do business with the normally expected greetings • Give feedback • Use an appropriate closing • Give clear closure •814 Opening a Conversation: Make references to: Self Others Relationship Context Two general rules: 1. Be positive 2. Disclose appropriately •815 • Agree that you will cooperate in trying to understand each other Four conversational rules: • Quantity – only use info needed, omit the rest • Quality – be truthful • Relation – talk about what’s relevant to conversation • Manner – use terms listener will understand; omit or clarify terms you think they won’t understand The Principle of Cooperation •816 Conversational Rules and Culture Preserve peaceful relationships with others (Japan) Avoid taking credit for some accomplishment, or make less of some ability or talent you have (China) Be polite (universal) •817 Closing Conversations Leave-taking cues Reflect back on the conversation and briefly summarize it State the desire to end the conversation directly Refer to future interaction Ask for closure Say that you enjoyed the interaction •818 General Conversational Skills Mindfulness – aware of your reasons; be open Flexibility – vary messages – for different situations Cultural sensitivity – acknowledge cultural differences Metacommunication – verbal/nonverbal •819 Skills for Conversational Effectiveness Openness: self disclose, listen, react honestly Empathy: feel what they feel Positiveness Immediacy: convey a sense of interest and attention, a linking with the other person Interaction management: satisfying to both parties Expressiveness: vocals, gestures, cultures, feedback Other-orientation: adapt to the other person •820 Computer Conversation Watch your spelling Remember that what you write may become public Follow the rules of netiquette Clean up your writing Be explicit in your good intentions Follow the general rules for interpersonal communication •821 Complete Check Your Ability in your EZ Guide •822 Using Conversation Stack: Have a conversation •823 Ensure you have read Part II in “How To Win…” Complete Journals 2 •824