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LISTENING
Listening Facts . . .
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. . . 45% of people’s time is spent listening . . . (vii)
As one moves up the corporate ladder, the
percentage of time increases to 55%. (vii)
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. . . the idea of listening as a “skill” is unfamiliar.
Communication as a “skill” is a common enough
concept.
Yet, of all the time we spend in communication, by
far the greatest is spent in listening:
 40%
Listening, 35% Talking, 16% Reading, 9% Writing
(2).
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We spend 70% of our waking hours in verbal
communication. (2)
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When we think about listening, we tend to assume it
is basically the same as hearing.
This is a dangerous misconception because it leads
us to believe effective listening is instinctive.
As a result we make little effort to learn or develop
listening skills and unknowingly neglect a vital
communication function. (3)
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Consequently, we create unnecessary problems for
ourselves: misunderstandings, hurt feelings,
confused instructions, loss of important information,
embarrassment, and frustration.
We lose the opportunity to improve our professional
and personal relationships. (3)
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Listening involves a more sophisticated mental
process than hearing.
It demands energy and discipline. Listening is a
learned skill.
The first step is to realize that effective listening is
an active, not a passive process. (3)
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What is listening, then? One way to answer this
question is to ask two other questions:
 What
does it feel like to really listen to someone else?
 What does it feel like when someone really listens to
you? (3)
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The answers to these questions provide a definition
of effective listening . . .
Definition of Effective Listening
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Listening is
(a) taking in information from speakers, other people or
ourselves, while remaining nonjudgmental and empathetic;
 (b) acknowledging the talker in a way that invites the
communication to continue; and
 (c) providing limited, but encouraging, input to the talker’s
response, carrying the person’s idea one step forward.
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This definition stresses the listener’s responsibility in the
communication process. Although listening is one of the most
demanding aspects of communication, it is also one of the
most rewarding. (3)
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Listening as a way to acknowledge someone often
increases self-esteem. It is a way of saying to the
talker, “You are important, and I am not judging
you.” (5)
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People who are being listened to usually
appreciate the people who are doing the listening
and cooperate with them.
Why? Acknowledgment is a basic, universal, human
need. We are more likely to respond positively to
a person who meets these needs than to one who
does not. (5)
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Listening is a potent force for reducing stress and
tension. True listening builds teamwork, trust, and a
sense of belonging to a group.
When people know they are talking to a listener
instead of someone who sits in judgment, they
openly suggest ideas and share thoughts. (5)
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A request for listening is usually not a request for
giving advice. It is a request to be listened to
nonjudgmentally, from the heart. (6)
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Active listening alleviates a problem by giving the
person a chance to talk it through while
experiencing emotional release and at the same
time providing limited and empathetic input that
conveys to the talker your concern and
nonjudgmental attitude. (6)
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Given the opportunity to solve their own problems,
people tend to feel more confident in their abilities.
(6)
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Employees/students/people who are listened to will
not bottle up their feelings. Listening tells the
person, “Your feelings are legitimate.”
People who are not listened to get the message that
their feelings are not important. (6)
SELF-AWARENESS
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Effective listening involves not only tuning in to
others, but tuning in to ourselves. Listening carefully
to what we say and how we say it can teach us an
immense amount about ourselves. (6)
SELF-AWARENESS
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Statements we make about ourselves or others reflect
our own self-concept, our thought patterns, and our
belief systems. If, for example, you heard yourself
making the following statements, what would you learn
about yourself?
“I’m not very artistic—can’t draw a straight line with a
ruler.”
 “I can’t get a promotion—I don’t have a degree.”
 “I can’t get to anything on time.”
 “I’d like to tell my boss how I feel, but I can’t.”
 Someday I’m going to find time to get organized.”
 “I can’t handle angry people.”
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Bosses/teachers who listen earn the respect and
loyalty of their staff/students. They discover
important things about how the business/class is
going. (8)
The same applies to students: students who listen to
their teachers earn the respect and loyalty of their
teachers.
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Employees/students frequently have excellent ideas
about improving productivity of the work
environment.
Managers/teachers who listen for these ideas solve
more problems than those who do not. These
managers/teachers create a sense of concern for
their staff/students while receiving better-quality
information/learning. (8)
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All of us listen at different levels of efficiency
throughout the day, depending on the circumstances and
the people involved.
For instance, most often people have difficulty listening
effectively when in a conflict situation, when dealing
with emotional people, when criticism is being directed
at them, when they are being disciplined, or when
feeling anxious, fearful, or angry.
Others listen effectively on the job but tune out when
they get home. (13)
Three Levels of Listening:
 Level
 At
1: Empathetic Listening.
this level, listeners refrain from judging the talker and
place themselves in the other’s position, attempting to see
things from his or her point of view. The overall focus is to
listen from the heart, which opens the doorway to
understanding, caring, and empathy.
Three Levels of Listening:
 Level
 At
2: Hearing words, but not really listening.
this level, people stay at the surface of the communication
and do not understand the deeper meanings of what is
being said. They try to hear what the speaker is saying but
make little effort to understand the speaker’s intent.
 At Level 2, the speaker may be lulled into a false sense of
being listened to and understood.
Three Levels of Listening:
 Level
3: Listening in spurts.
 Tuning
in and tuning out, being somewhat aware of others,
but mainly paying attention to oneself. One follows the
discussion only enough to get a chance to talk.
 Often a person listening at this level is faking attention while
thinking about unrelated matters, making judgments, forming
rebuttals, or advice, or preparing what he or she wants to
say next.
 The listener may display a blank stare and is more
interested in talking than listening. (14)
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Most of us listen at all three levels during the course
of a day. However, the goal is to listen at level 1 in
all situations. (14)
Let’s become aware of the power of listening!!!