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Verbal Communication:
The Way People Speak
Vocabulary
• heated conversation: conversation characterized by
argument, loudness, a rapid exchange of words, and
interruptions
• hesitant conversation: conversation characterized by
politeness, indirectness, pauses, and a lack of
interruptions
• direct communication: a style of talking in which
speakers do not avoid issues, they “get to the point”
• indirect communication: a style of talking in which
speakers tend to avoid issues, hesitate, and “talk in
circles”
• conversation structure: the way people converse, the
pattern of their conversations
• judgment: an opinion, thought, or critical conclusion
I. Verbal Communication: The Way People Speak
• Cultures influence communication styles.
• Cultures styles can and do create
misunderstanding in conversations among
people from different cultures.
I.1-Conversational Involvement
•“High involvement” styles: talking
more, interrupting more, expecting to
be interrupted, talking more loudly at
times, talking more quickly
•“High
considerateness”
styles:
speaking one at a time, using polite
listening sounds, refraining from
interrupting, and giving plenty of
positive and respectful responses
I.2-Incorrect Judgment of Characters
• Americans can have problems while talking to
one another because of some differences.
For example, New Yorkers tend to talk faster and
respond more quickly (“high involvement”) than
Californians (“high considerateness”). To some New
Yorkers, Californians seem slower, less intelligent, and
not as responsive as them. To some Californians, New
Yorkers seem pushy and domineering.
• The judgments that people make about regional
differences within a country are similar to those
they make about people from another culture.
• The important differences in communication
create problems of stereotyping and incorrect
judgments among members of diverse groups.
I.3-Directness and Indirectness
• In the mainstream American culture, the ideal form of
communication is directness
• Cultural groups misjudge each other based on different
beliefs about directness and honesty in communication.
I.4- American Male-Female
Differences in Directness
• American women have traditionally been less
direct than men in making requests, expressing
criticism, and offering opinions.
• Women tend to be more direct than men when
talking about emotional issues and feelings.
• Nowadays, women are more direct when making
suggestions, giving criticism, and expressing
ideas.
I.5-Cross-Cultural Implications
• Americans may judge members of cultural
groups that value indirectness as not being
assertive enough.
• When Americans go to work in countries where
indirectness is valued, they may need to modify
their communication style.
II.CONSERVATION STRUCTURES
II.1- Some foreigners have observed that when
Americans hold a conversation, it seems
like are having a Ping-Pong game.
• One person has the ball and then hits it to
the other side of the table. The other
player hits the ball back and the game
continues. If one person do not return the
ball, then the conversation stops.
• Each part of the conversation follows this
pattern: the greeting and the opening, the
discussion of a topic, and the closing and
farwell.
• If either person talks too much, the other
may become impatient and feel that the
other is monopolizing the conversation.
• Similarly, if one person do not say enough
or ask enough questions to keep the
conversation moving, the conversation stop
II.2- In verbal communication, Vietnamese people highly value
formality, respect and interpersonal harmony.
•
•
•
•
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It is said that respect is the cornerstone of
interpersonal relationships in Vietnamese
society.
To avoid signs of disrespect, the Vietnamese
probably do not express their disagreement.
They often keep silent or reply indirectly,
instead.
To prevent conflict in relationships,
Vietnamese people often prefer to talk
about sensitive subjects, such as politics
and sex indirectly.
Besides, Vietnamese people always use Mr.
or Ms or a title plus the first name when
greeting others to address people formally
and respectfully.
Although the Vietnamese may nod their
heads and use the word “yes” or “ya” to
express respect and indicate that they are
listening attentively, this does not
necessarily show their understanding and
agreement.
II.3- The Vietnamese are great story-tellers and
orators
Whenever the Vietnamese meet, they
talk about their neighbors and friends
as a form of entertainment. Many
topics regarded as personal or
confidential one Western countries
may be openly discussed in Vietnam.
For example, the following questions
are usually asked by the Vietnamese
when they first meet each other.
• How old are you? (This information is
necessary in order to select correct
pronouns in Vietnamese)
• Are you married?
• Do you have children? Why not? Is
there anything wrong with your wife?
• How much money do you earn?
• People are also very interested in where you have been, who you
have seen and what you have done. In this way, information flows
very quickly. As a result, the accuracy of the information is not
always important to the story-teller.
• Because the Vietnamese society values stability in social
relations, relationships tend to be extremely intimate. The
Vietnamese are profoundly romantic, not only in a sexual sense
but also in their feelings towards their extended family, ancestors,
home villages and country.
• Visitors will be interested in this guide to regulate their gestures
and polite behavior when talking to Vietnamese people.
II.4- “Ping-Pong” and “Bowling” Conversation Styles
•
An example of a conversation style that contrasts with the American “Ping-Pong”
conversation style is a formal conversation among the Japanese, which has been
compared to bowling.
• The Bowling conversation style:
– Each participant in a Japanese conversation waits politely for a turn and knows
exactly when the time is right to speak. That is, they know their place in line.
– One’s turn depends on status, age, and the relationship to the other person.
– When it is time to take a turn, the person bowls carefully. The others watch
politely, and do not leave their places in line or take a turn out of order. No one
else speaks until the ball has reached the bowling pins.
– Anwers to questions are carefully thought out, rather than blurted out. In
Japanese conversations, long silences are tolerated.
• For Americans, even two or three seconds of silence can become uneasy.
Americans do not like the feeling of “pulling teeth” in conversations.
• According to some Japan people, Americans ask too many questions and do not
give the other person enough time to formulate a careful answer.
• Americans, however, do not do anything “wrong” or insensitive on purpose. The
Japanese feel that Americans are pushy and inquisitive because of cultural
differences.
This analogy is used to contrast the American conversation
style with the Japanese one
Ping Pong conversation style
Bowling conversation style
-A player starts the game by
-Players wait politely for a turn.
hitting the ball to the other side
of the table.
-Players watch other players
politely and appreciate their
-The other player must react
movement and strategy.
quickly and hit it back.
- When it is time to take a turn,
- If one person do not hit the
the player considers carefully
ball back, the game stops.
how to accomplish the
objective.
Ping Pong conversation style
- If either player takes too long to “play
the ball”, the other may become
impatient and feel the first player is not
focusing on the game.
- If players have different playing styles, it
is hard to get a good rally going.
Bowling conversation style
- Players do not speak until the ball has
reached the bowling pins.
- Players praise each other’s plays.
• To American people, the Japanese appear
passive and uninterested in conversations. The
Japanese style takes too long for the average
American.
• The Japanese do not do anything “wrong” and
are not less interested in conversations. They
have misjudged each other because neither is
familiar with their culturally different
conversational styles.
II.5- Ethnocentric Judgments
• Ethnocentrism is “the
tendency for individuals to
place their own group at the
center of their observations
of others and the world”
(Northouse, 2013).
• There may be a gap between
what a person is
communicating and how
people are understanding
the message.
• Ethnocentric Judgments
that people make about
each other are often
ethnocentric.
• People cannot assume
that their way of
communication
is
universal.
• If people from another culture seem to be communicating
in what you feel are “mysterious ways”, consider the
following four points:
(1). It is possible that the way they speak reflects a
cultural style.
(2). Your success in developing cross-cultural rapport is
directly related to your ability to understand others’
culturally influenced communication styles.
(3) Your ways seem as “mysterious” to others as their
ways seem to you.
(4). It is often valuable to talk about cultural
differences in communication styles before they result in
serious misunderstandings.
• Ethnocentrism is believed
in the superiority of one’s
ethnic group. Even though
it
sounds
bad,
ethnocentrism has positive
and negative effects.
+ For a minority group in oppressive conditions,
ethnocentrism enables the group to create and sustain an
identity over extended periods of time.
+ The downside of ethnocentrism is that it causes a
people from an ethnic group to look down on those who
are from other ethnic groups.
• American evangelicals can unfortunately be ethnocentric. One of the reason
is that the USA is a very wealthy country and its infrastructure works well
most of the time. This subconsciously makes Americans think their ways are
better- or it makes them think that their ways are right. When they
encounter suffering, sickness, and abject poverty that afflict so many people
in the developing and underdeveloped parts of the world, they assume that
their poverty and suffering are a result of doing things in the “wrong” way.
• When they are slow to understand, some of them makes the mistake of
evaluating these customs or behaviors as wrong rather than different. What
complicates this is that they tend to say what they think. When they
verbalize their judgmental thoughts, they can hurt the feelings of those in
their host culture. This is the sad result of ethnocentrism.
• However, Americans are not the only ones who can be ethnocentric. People
from any and every ethnic group can be ethnocentric. Due to this, When you
travel abroad, you become exposed to other people’s ethnocentrism. When
you encounter it, especially from those you consider your brothers and
sisters, you are often unprepared for it. When you do encounter it , your
feelings can be hurt.
II.6. CONVERSATION
ACTIVITIES
II.6.1. Rules of speaking
There are unspoken rules of speaking. These rules exist in every
language, but differ significantly from culture to culture. The rules
have to do with permissible degrees of directness, politeness, and
formality, and they affect many of functions of communication. The
following communication functions are common to all languages,
but their expression can be different across cultures.
II.6.2. Small talk
A conversation often begins with “small talk”. Small talk is an important
because it often helps to maintain conversation and it can lead to
interesting discussion. In an introductory meeting, maintaining a
conversation is easier when two people find that they have something in
common. We can use small talk (including questions) to discover what
they have in common. The common thing can be our hobby, favorite
food, or our school.
Initial Small Talk
(1.) How long have you lived here ?
(2.) Have you always lived in New York ?
(3.) What do you think of the weather we have been having ?
When we communicate, it will be better if we avoid asking question
related to such matters as marriage, income, age, religions, or
political systems. We can misunderstand, or annoy our partners
(1.) Are you married?
(2.) How much money do you earn ?
(3) What is your religion ?
(4.) Are you a Republican or Democrat?
A lot of small talk is “situational”; that is, people initiate conversation
about their common situation. It is often a starting point for further
conversation
Examples:
At the party: “ how do you know David?”
At the cinema: “How often do you go to see comedies film?”
II.6.3. Initiating and Maintaining
Conversations
Initiating and maintaining conversations are
necessary skill when one is learning a new
language. In English, one of the best way of
initiating and maintaining a conversation is for
at least ,one of the speaker to ask other
questions.
Avoid making a pattern feel frustrated, do
not just give a one-word response .
Examples: A sees B at the party and decides to
get to know her
A: Hello. Where are you from?
B: New York.
A: Why have you come to California?
B:To study
A: What are you studying?
B: Mathematic
A feels annoyed and unhappy. He decides not to
make friends with B
Another way of maintaining a conversation is to add extra information to
a one-or-two-word response. The conversation will get more and more
interesting.
Examples:
A: Where do you work?
B: I work at a university in San Diego. I am a computer operator.
A: What is the weather like in San Diego ?
B:It is warn most of time. For the past two winters, we have had a lot of
rain
II.6.4. Informality and Formality
In English, as in other languages, the type of vocabulary, structure, and
the tone used in conversation vary with the situation. For Example:
I am sorry to trouble you, but could you please tell me where
the library is? (formal)
Would you be so kind as to tell me where the library is? (formal)
Where is the library (informal)
Cultural Notes
1. In a formal introduction, Americans often use titles until they are told
they may use the first names.
2. When two people are introduced by a third person, the first and last
names are usually given.
A friend: Michael, I’d like you to meet my friend, Diane Rae
Diane, I’d like you to meet Michael Lipsett
(NB: In less formal introductions, last names may be dropped.)
3. A list of titles used in introductions and conversations:
Dr (Doctor) Used to address medical doctors (M.D) and university
professors who have earned a doctorate (Ph.D)
Prof (Professor) Used to address a college or university teacher
Teacher Used by very young children in school
Mrs. Used to address a married woman (teacher, director, etc)
Miss Used to address an unmarried woman (teacher, waitress,
businesswoman, etc.)
Ms. Used to address an unmarried or married woman (teacher, housewife,
professional, etc.)
Mr. Used to address a man (teacher, business man, etc.)
4. The following phrases may be used if a
name giving in an introduction is not
understood or is forgotten:
Informal:
- I’m sorry, what is your name again?
- Excuse me, I didn’t catch your name
Formal:
- Would you please repeat your name?
- May I please have your name again?
5.Complimenting can be a way of initiating
conversations.
III. NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION
III.1.Cultural Differences in Nonverbal Communication
Non-verbal communication expresses meanings or feelings
without words. Universal emotion such as happiness, fear, and
sadness are expressed in a similar non-verbal way throughout the
world. However, non-verbal differences across cultures may be a
source of confusion for foreigners.
Feelings of friendship exist everywhere in the world, but their
expression varies. It is acceptable in some countries for men to
embrace and for women to hold hands; in other countries, these
displays of affection are discouraged or prohibited.
As with verbal communication, what is considered usual or polite
behavior in one culture may be seen as unusual or impolite in
another. One culture may determine that snapping fingers to call
a waiter is appropriate, whereas another may consider this
gesture to be rude. We are often not aware of how gesture, facial
expressions, eye contact, and the use of conversational distance
affect communication. To interpret another culture’s style of
communication, it is necessary to study the “silent language” of
that culture.
III.2. Gesture and Body Positioning
Gestures are specific body movements that carry meaning.
Hand motions alone can convey many meanings: “come
here”, “go away”, “it’s OK”, and “that ‘s expensive!” are
just a few examples.
The gestures for these phrases often differ across cultures.
For examples, beckoning people to come with the palm up
is common in the United States. This same gesture in the
Philippines, Korea, and parts of Latin America as well as
other countries is considered to be rude. In some countries,
only an animal is beckoned with the palm up.
We intimate and learn to use these non-verbal movements
to accompany or replace words. When traveling to another
country, foreign visitors soon learn that not all at gestures
are universal.
Many American business executives enjoy relaxing with
their feet up on their desks. Yet, to show a person from
Saudi Arabia or Thailand the sole of one’s foot is extremely
insulting, because the foot is considered the dirtiest part of
the body.
III.3. Facial Expression
Facial expressions carry meaning that is determined by situations and relationships.
Our faces reveal emotions and attitudes, but we should not attempt to “read” people from
another culture as we would “read” some from our own culture. The degree of facial
expressiveness one exhibits varies among individuals and cultures. The fact that members of
one culture do not express their emotions as openly as those of another culture does not mean
that they do not experience emotions. Rather, there are cultural restraints on the amount of
non-verbal expressiveness permitted.
It is difficult to generalize Americans and their facial expressiveness because of individual and
ethic differences in the United States. People from certain ethnic backgrounds in the United
States tend to be more facially expressive than others. The key is to try not to judge people
whose ways of showing emotion are different. If we judge according to our own cultural
norms, we may make the mistake of “reading” the other person incorrectly
A smile is one of the most common examples of facial expressions in different cultures. While
Americans smile freely at strangers, in Russia, this is considered to be strange and even
impolite. In Asian cultures, a smile is unnecessarily an expression of joy and friendliness but
it can be used to convey pain and embarrassment. For many Scandinavians, a smile or any
facial expression used to convey emotions is untypical because it is considered a weakness to
show emotions.
III.4. Eye Contact
Eye contact is important because insufficient or excessive eye contact can create
communication barriers. In relationships, it servers to show intimacy, attention, and
influence. There are no specific rules governing eye behavior in the Unites States, except
that it is considered a rude stare, especially at strangers. In parts of the United States,
however, such as on the West Coast and in the South, it is quite common to glance at
strangers when passing them.
Patterns of eye contact are different across cultures. Some Americans fell uneasy with the
gaze that is sometimes associated with Arabian or Indian communication patterns. For
Americans, this style of eye contact is too intense. In other cultures like Asian ones,
prolonged eye contact is especially offensive, so you should avoid it at all costs. Yet, too
little eye contact may also be viewed negatively, because it may convey a lack of interest,
inattention, or even mistrust. The relationship between the lack of eye contact and mistrust
in the American culture is stated directly in the expression “Never trust a person who
doesn’t look you in the eyes. “In contrast, in many other parts of the world (especially in
Asian countries), a person’s lack of eye contact toward an authority figure signifies respect
and deference.
III.5. Conversational Distance
Unconsciously, we all keep a comfortable distance around
us when we interact with other. This distance has had
several names over the years, including “personal space”,
“interpersonal distance”, “comfort zone” and “body
bubble”. This space between us and another person forms
invisible walls that define how comfortable we feel at
various distances from other people.
The amount of space changes depending on the nature of
relationship. For example, we are usually more
comfortable standing close to our family members than
strangers. Personality also determines the size of the area
with which we are comfortable than talking to people.
Introverts often prefer to interact with others a great
distance than do extroverts. Cultural styles are important,
too. A Japanese employer and his employee usually stand
farther apart while talking than their American
counterparts. Latin Americans and Arabians tend to stand
close than Americans do while talking
-III.6.1-The Advantages of Non-Verbal Communication
-- You can communicate with someone who is hard of
hearing or deaf.
-- You can communicate with someone at a place where
you are supposed to maintain silence.
- You can communicate with someone if you are far
away from him. The person can see but not hear you.
-Non-verbal communication makes conversations
short and brief.
- You can save time and using it as a tool to
communicate with people who do not understand your
language.
III.6.2. The Disadvantages of Non-Verbal Communication
-- You can not have long conversations
-- The minutes of your message can not be discussed.
- It is difficult to understand conversations and requires
a lot of repetitions.
- It can not be used as a public tool for communication
everywhere.
- It is less influential than verbal communication.
- Not everybody prefers to communicate through nonverbal communication.
- It can not create an impression upon people/listeners
III.6.3. The Advantages of Verbal Communication
Saving Time
Under this system of communication, messages are communicated immediately
without consuming any time. Verbal communication is the only way out during a
urgent condition and when an immediate action is necessary
Saving money
As there is no formal method of communicating messages, no help of any particular
media of communication is taken, this type of communication saves a lot of money.
Being more effective
As there is direct touch of the sender of a message with the receiver of a message,
these messages prove to be more effective. The sender of a message can also exercise
his personal influence over the receiver of a message.
Knowledge of reaction of Message
An important advantage of verbal communication is that under this method of
communication, the sender of a message can judge the reaction of a message on its
receiver. He comes to know whether the receiver of that message will follow it or not.
Clearing doubts
Verbal communication helps form the point of view that doubts regarding a message, if
any, between the sender and the receiver of a message can immediately be cleared and the
receiver of the message can immediately get explanation regarding any point of the
message.
Increase in productivity and efficiency
Verbal communication is more effective. It increases the productivity and efficiency of
workers because they clearly understand and follow it.
III.6.4. The Disadvantages of Verbal Communication
 Lack of Proof of Messages
The greatest disadvantage of verbal communication is that there
is no proof of the message communicated.
 Not Suitable for Future Reference
As there is nothing in writing supporting messages
communicated under this method, it is unsuitable for future
reference. If there is any dispute on any point of the message, it
cannot be helped in any way.
 Unsuitable in case of distance
If the receiver and the sender of a message are staying at a
distance from each other, this method of communication is
unsuitable because it will increase the cost of communication, it
will not be effective because of the lack of personal touch and it
may not be clear and explanatory
The end