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Persuasive Writing Task: Letter to the principal Adapted from the 2004 Queensland Years 3, 5 and 7 Test January 2011 Contents Section 1 .................................................................................................................... 1 Guidelines for using this task ...............................................................................1 Writing task stimulus: Letter to the principal .........................................................2 Scripted task instructions to students...................................................................3 Marking grids ......................................................................................................6 Section 2 .................................................................................................................... 9 Ideas for the teaching of writing ...........................................................................9 Commentary on student responses and teaching issues........................................9 Section 3 – Annotated exemplar scripts ..................................................................... 11 Section 4 – Grammar notes........................................................................................ 67 Section 5 – Glossary.................................................................................................. 76 Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | iii iv | Contents Section 1 Guidelines for using this task This Writing task was used in 2004 as part of the Queensland Years 3, 5 and 7 Literacy and Numeracy tests. It is adapted here to serve as a classroom resource. It can be used to teach students how to produce, on demand, the kind of writing which develops a “point of view”, to substantiate their opinion and thus display their ability to use language as a persuasive tool. Because the ethos, population and organisational structures of schools are different, the stimulus was intended to be a springboard for teachers to move discussion from the four examples given to other subject matter more relevant to the educational setting and interests of their students. To do the task well, students need to make decisions about “contextual factors”, namely • consider subject matter they need to include in their response • describe an issue that is important to them and about which they feel strongly • consider what effect they want their letter to have • understand a social situation and the role of people within it • demonstrate how this understanding is communicated through their choices of language. The result of these decisions will dictate how students construct their texts in reply. It will influence the • overall structure of the text • way the ideas are related to each other through the text • relative importance or weighting of ideas • certainty or power with which ideas are expressed • vocabulary through which they are expressed. The intention is to have students writing with a persuasive purpose rather than trying to create a script that copies a supposed model of a “persuasive text”. It is best to teach and assess the ability to make decisions about writing rather than the ability to copy a model. By analysing the student responses with the associated marking grid and the sample student responses and commentary from statewide performance on this task, teachers can assess where each student needs specific assistance to improve their abilities with persuasive writing or writing skills generally. Note on NAPLAN preparation The 2011 NAPLAN writing test, like this one, demands persuasive writing. However, the conditions for the NAPLAN persuasive writing test are much less scaffolded than those set out here and the format of the NAPLAN stimulus is also different. Writing tasks suitable for familiarising students with NAPLAN test conditions and formats are available on the QSA’s NAPLAN website along with a full set of literacy test items. The ACARA NAPLAN website also has a writing task and the NAPLAN marking guide. Materials Students need • the stimulus page (A4 colour page giving topic and task on one side and planning hints on the other side) • a soft pencil, eraser, • two or three pages of lined paper and one page for planning. Note: To prevent students taking time on the “salutation” part of a letter, ensure that all student responses begin with “Dear Principal” only. Teachers need • the marking grid (rubric). This rubric is designed specifically for this task. It helps to identify each student’s level of achievement and indicates what they need to be taught as a next step • sample student scripts (to help apply the marking grid) • commentary on statewide performance on the task (to guide follow-up teaching). Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 1 Writing task stimulus: Letter to the principal Think about something that concerns you about your school. Write a letter to your principal to explain ! what it is that you don’t like ! why you don’t like it ! how the problem could be fixed. 2 | Instruction and stimulus Scripted task instructions to students Note: The task was originally meant to be a standardised test with scripted administration instructions. For teaching purposes, teachers are free to vary this script. Copy this table below onto the board. WRITING TASK Steps Time 1. Introduction and discussion 10 minutes 2. Planning for the writing 5 minutes 3. Writing 25 minutes 4. Proofreading and editing 5 minutes 1. Introduction and discussion (up to 10 minutes) READ Look at the page with “Letter to the principal” written at the top. I want you to make your writing as real as possible, as if it really could be sent to our principal to convince [him/her] about something that you think they should do or know about the school. First, we will spend some time talking about the task. Then you will have about 5 minutes to plan before you begin to write your letter. You will have 25 minutes to write your letter and then 5 minutes to proofread and edit your work. Lead your students in a class discussion to raise ideas that students can write about. A quick and focused discussion is most likely to be effective. It is important to end the discussion before the topic becomes stale. If they wish to do so, allow students to write key words on the stimulus page or their planning page as the ideas are raised. The intent of the discussion is to help the students: • understand the task • engage with the task • create and order their own ideas. Teach students how to use a writing stimulus page. Show students how to find the topic and the task instructions. Show them how to brainstorm ideas then lead them to select and develop one idea. This task’s stimulus page provides four possible examples of topics that might concern students — playground facilities, bullying, littering and drinking fountains. Make sure students know that these are examples only and they are free to pick any issue that concerns them. Discourage students from doing a “tour of the stimulus” where they write about all the pictures. This will make it unlikely that they can develop a substantiated opinion. Include discussion of their audience — the role they want to take and the kind of relationship they want to build with the principal. They have to decide • what they want the principal to – know – think – feel • how they want the principal to react to their letter • what the principal’s role in the school is • what their role in the school is. Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 3 You might want to establish a believable context in which students would write directly to the school principal. For example, it could be a case where the teacher has specially asked students to write so that the principal will know what they think. If they wish to do so, allow students to write key words on the stimulus or their planning page as the ideas are raised. Teachers are only permitted to write Dear Principal on the board for the students to start their letter. Except for that, DO NOT WRITE ON THE BLACKBOARD. DO NOT WRITE OR SPELL ANY WORDS FOR STUDENTS. Allow up to 10 minutes for this discussion. 2. Planning the writing READ It is now time to decide what ideas you will write about, and then make some planning notes on a separate planning page to organise your ideas. Planning your writing helps you remember: • what you want to write about • how you want your readers to think and feel • how you want to organise your ideas. Think about the things we have just talked about. Remember you must write a letter to the principal about something that concerns you and that you would like to change. Plan to explain the reasons why you think so. It would also help the principal to understand if you explain how things might be changed or improved. Here are some ways to plan: • Make a web. Put the topic you want to write about in the middle. Put your ideas in bubbles around the sides. OR • Make a heading of the topic you want to write about. Then list some ideas underneath. OR • Draw some pictures about a topic you would like to write about. Make some labels to help you write. You can use your planning page any way you like BUT DO NOT BEGIN YOUR WRITING ON IT. It will not be marked. You must do your planning by yourself so the ideas you use belong only to you. This is what makes your writing unique. While you are planning, think about: • the issue you feel most strongly about • the ideas you have for improving or fixing this issue • how to order your ideas to present your case • how to link the ideas to make your letter easy to read • how to appeal to the editor so that she will want to publish your letter • how much you can write in 25 minutes. You have 5 minutes to do your planning. I will tell you when your time is up. Begin now. During the planning stage ensure all students are writing. The aim is to have students draft ideas that will assist their writing. • Remind students they must write a letter to the principal about something they feel quite strongly about. They do not have to limit themselves to the content shown on the stimulus, but what they write must be true to the task. • If some students cannot think of any ideas, you will need to revisit ideas from the earlier discussion. • Do not help students construct their letters. At the end of 5 minutes ask students to put their pencils down. 4 | Instruction and stimulus 3. Writing READ It is now time to begin writing your letter. Make your writing easy to read and interesting. Make sure you finish your letter and give all the information a reader needs to understand the arguments you are making. Your reader cannot ask you any questions if your writing is not clear. From your writing, your reader has to know what you think and feel about your ideas or any concerns you have identified. Make sure you explain why your ideas about this issue are good ones and why they will work. As you write, remember to: • explain what it is you think, why you think this way, what might happen (as a result of your ideas) • organise your ideas so that they are clear to your readers • write in sentences and paragraphs • use words that describe what you think and feel • use the right punctuation to make your meaning clear • use your best spelling and clear handwriting. Use one or both of the lined pages to write your letter. You have 25 minutes to write. Try to use all of your time. I will tell you when there are 5 minutes left so you can finish your writing. After that, there will be 5 minutes to proofread, edit and check your work. Begin now. Indicate to students exactly where they can write. After 20 minutes, READ You have 5 minutes left to finish your writing. If you have already finished, use this time to start checking your work. 4. Proofreading and editing After 5 minutes, READ You need to stop writing now. You now have 5 minutes to proofread and edit your work. Make sure it makes sense. You can write in extra words if you need to. Make sure you have used capital letters and punctuation in the right places. If you haven’t written in paragraphs, mark them in now. Check your spelling. You cannot use this time to totally rewrite your letter. You may proofread, correct and make slight changes to your work only. Students must use this time to edit their writing. After 5 minutes, READ Please put your pencils down. Thank you. That is the end of the writing. Well done! Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 5 Marking grids Marking rubric – Year 3 F Contextual factors Text structure Planned response that attempts to meet most demands of the task Opening statement to reader; statement of opinion (issue/ problem), reasons, solutions; concluding statement to reader attempts to engage the reader by including reasons, thoughts and actions to justify a stated point of view may include a conversational gambit — Hi my name is … some quality of personal voice emerges Gr, Voc, Co, Pu Spelling basic complex sentences, e.g. time, condition, place, reason, cause Uses knowledge of syllable patterns to spell multi-syllabic words with: some longer noun phrases — message for little kids plural or tense endings where base words change — activity/ activities, become/becoming begins to control modal verbs to construct point of view strong links between most dominant ideas; may have a minor disruption in the sequence F common homophones — there/ their, here/hear, right/write difficult contractions — doesn’t, wouldn’t mostly correct punctuation of basic complex & simple sentences E Planned response that attempts to build a shared experience with the reader Statement of opinion (issue/ problem), reason for issue, solution/s elaborated simple sentences some complex sentences, e.g. causal and conditional relations Uses knowledge of internal word patterns to spell multisyllabic words with: may have too many details or details not well integrated little elaboration of any of these stages simple reporting clause — I think even stress patterns — explain identifies and uses ideas from the stimulus may have lapses in links between the structural elements; significant disruption in the structural sequence may occur at one point action and simple thinking verbs, some modal verbs — must, could inflected endings with no change to base words — watching some well-chosen vocabulary — cautious compound words — teenagers, playground lapses in cohesion basic contractions — can’t, won’t basic compound sentences — begins to use and, but correctly Uses knowledge of internal word patterns to spell singlesyllable words with: constructs response as a personal view — I think people should D Response to the task shows some planning and sequencing ideas may not be well integrated to the task limited awareness of the reader self-centred point of view — I don’t like C Basic response to the task with little planning evident in text uses brief undeveloped ideas around a simple idea or theme Statement of opinion with some supporting details/reason, and a statement of response may include the same idea repeated in a number of different ways to bulk out the structure some causal relationships in complex sentences — because, so vocabulary is simple, precise but largely unelaborated common multi-syllabic words — skateboard, because two or more sentences around different single ideas simple sentences punctuated correctly Errors may include complex vowel patterns — health, weigh Statement of opinion with a brief attempt to support or elaborate simple sentences with some variety in structure Most phonemes in singlesyllable words are represented for mostly correct spelling of: List of single, undeveloped ideas expressed in sentences links between ideas largely implied by sentence order; and, then may connect some sentences punctuation of simple sentences largely correct B Response to the task shows little awareness of task demands meaning can be made from most of the text reads like oral language may be brief A Little response to the task some meaning can be made uses a few unrelated ideas from stimulus OR consonant blends & long vowels attempts to define pronouns one or two simple noun groups — good film, cool skateboard Simple statement supported by a series of sentences that lack coherence — trees are dying OR Brief sentence that lapses into words describing some stimulus aspects in an unconnected way Little discernible structure or one- or two-sentence response lists of individual words identifying ideas from the stimulus largely simple sentences with repetitive structure and may be used in place of a fullstop some sentence boundaries may be difficult to define D common long vowels — lines OR OR E C one syllable short-vowel words — bin, and, bring, have common words — school, park Errors may include letter patterns such as mp, nd — bup (bump) Dominant sounds within words are represented — hafta, wonsa pona tim (once upon a time) B Correct spelling of some known words — a, the, I, boy, own name everyday vocabulary some capitals and full stops used correctly incomplete or partial sentences may include words copied from the stimulus Words are represented by letters, letter strings and some letter-like symbols — m = mum. A little or no punctuation Creates a text that responds to none of the task 6 N Response is unintelligible or unable to be marked N O Nothing on the page. O | Instruction and stimulus Marking rubric – Year 5 Contextual factors H Response is planned to take account of the relationship between the writer & reader attempts to develop content/ logical & emotional themes attempts to persuade the reader of own point of view uses techniques such as rhetorical questions for emphasis/attention G Planned response that meets most demands of the task develops subject matter from a community or broader perspective response shows an awareness of the formality of the relationship between reader and writer develops a strong personal voice F Planned response that attempts to meet most demands of the task attempts to engage the reader by including reasons, thoughts and actions to justify a stated point of view Text structure Controls the structure to develop an opinion and supporting arguments with evidence &/or examples &/or elaboration paragraphs are used to group major ideas but the supporting ideas may be lacking Provides a brief introduction and/or states an opinion, developing a supporting argument logically without lapses in sequence some ideas are clustered to suggest paragraphs, i.e. the hard return Opening statement to reader; statement of opinion (issue/ problem), reasons, solutions; concluding statement to reader may include a conversational gambit — Hi my name is … some quality of personal voice emerges Gr, Voc, Co, Pu develops and controls some extended clause complexes uses some different reporting clauses — I find that … some figurative language — harebrained scheme punctuation correct most of the time in developed and varied sentence structures Spelling Uses internal word and syllable pattern knowledge to spell multi-syllabic words with: uncommon vowel patterns — drought common/subject-specific content — media, expensive, oxygen more difficult homophones — affect/effect; practice/practise simple, compound and complex sentences well constructed Uses knowledge of syllables and affixes to spell words with: chooses vocabulary sensitive to the relationship and purpose a spelling-meaning link — observe/observation controls verb groups for tenor — would be better to move simple prefixes/suffixes with no change to base words — recently, improvement, suggestion, healthy uses some extended noun groups to enhance meaning Uses knowledge of syllable patterns to spell multi-syllabic words with: some longer noun phrases — message for little kids plural or tense endings where base words change — activity/ activities, become/becoming strong links between most dominant ideas; may have a minor disruption in the sequence G uneven stress patterns – chocolate basic complex sentences, e.g. time, condition, place, reason, cause begins to control modal verbs to construct point of view H F common homophones — there/ their, here/hear, right/write difficult contractions — doesn’t, wouldn’t mostly correct punctuation of basic complex & simple sentences E Planned response that attempts to build a shared experience with the reader Statement of opinion (issue/ problem), reason for issue, solution/s elaborated simple sentences some complex sentences, e.g. causal and conditional relations Uses knowledge of internal word patterns to spell multisyllabic words with: may have too many details or details not well integrated little elaboration of any of these stages simple reporting clause — I think even stress patterns — explain identifies and uses ideas from the stimulus may have lapses in links between the structural elements; significant disruption in the structural sequence may occur at one point action and simple thinking verbs, some modal verbs — must, could inflected endings with no change to base words — watching some well-chosen vocabulary — cautious compound words — teenagers, playground lapses in cohesion basic contractions — can’t, won’t basic compound sentences — begins to use and, but correctly Uses knowledge of internal word patterns to spell singlesyllable words with: constructs response as a personal view — I think people should D Response to the task shows some planning and sequencing ideas may not be well integrated to the task limited awareness of the reader self-centred point of view — I don’t like C Basic response to the task with little planning evident in text uses brief undeveloped ideas around a simple idea or theme Statement of opinion with some supporting details/reason, and a statement of response may include the same idea repeated in a number of different ways to bulk out the structure some causal relationships in complex sentences — because, so vocabulary is simple, precise but largely unelaborated consonant blends & long vowels attempts to define pronouns common multi-syllabic words — skateboard, because two or more sentences around different single ideas simple sentences punctuated correctly Errors may include complex vowel patterns — health, weigh Statement of opinion with a brief attempt to support or elaborate simple sentences with some variety in structure Most phonemes in singlesyllable words are represented for mostly correct spelling of: List of single, undeveloped ideas expressed in sentences one or two simple noun groups — good film, cool skateboard links between ideas largely implied by sentence order; and, then may connect some sentences punctuation of simple sentences largely correct D common long vowels — lines OR OR E C one syllable short-vowel words — bin, and, bring, have common words — school, park Errors may include letter patterns such as mp, nd — bup (bump) N Response is unintelligible or unable to be marked N O Nothing on the page. O Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 7 Marking rubric – Years 7 and 9 J Contextual factors Text structure Controlled, complete, effective, response Deliberately controls and develops the structure for effect begins to control sentence form and length for effect Uses letter, syllable and meaning patterns to spell words with: controlled development of sophisticated subject matter in a coherent argument with ideas that are related to a central theme controls the structure to construct and develop different shifts in the argument clauses are signalled with accurate use of conjunctions common Latin and Greek roots — ecological, desalinated, anorexic increases lexical density, e.g. noun and verb groups cohesion between ideas is tight uses punctuation to pace the reader absorbed prefixes — impact, accumulate elaborates ideas with who, which, that, -ing and non-finite clauses chooses vocabulary with precision — meets council regulations maintains cohesion during shifts in argument Uses knowledge of syllables and the spelling-meaning connection to spell words with: understands & uses reader’s point of view to persuade paragraphing is developed and used appropriately throughout the text to link and structure ideas develops an authoritative voice I Well-crafted response to task that appeals emotionally and/or intellectually uses community values and beliefs to connect with a reader understands other points of view develops a personal style to appeal to the reader H Response is planned to take account of the relationship between the writer & reader attempts to develop content/ logical & emotional themes attempts to persuade the reader of own point of view uses techniques such as rhetorical questions for emphasis/attention G Planned response that meets most demands of the task develops subject matter from a community or broader perspective response shows an awareness of the formality of the relationship between reader and writer develops a strong personal voice F Planned response that attempts to meet most demands of the task attempts to engage the reader by including reasons, thoughts and actions to justify a stated point of view Develops an extended, logical text signals major ideas and their order of importance with structural devices such as topic sentences marked paragraphs organising the major and supporting ideas (may have some lapses) Controls the structure to develop an opinion and supporting arguments with evidence &/or examples &/or elaboration paragraphs are used to group major ideas but the supporting ideas may be lacking Provides a brief introduction and/or states an opinion, developing a supporting argument logically without lapses in sequence some ideas are clustered to suggest paragraphs, i.e. the hard return Opening statement to reader; statement of opinion (issue/ problem), reasons, solutions; concluding statement to reader may include a conversational gambit — Hi my name is … some quality of personal voice emerges Gr, Voc, Co, Pu Spelling J long to schwa (neutral) vowel changes — compete/competition I unusual consonant patterns — appreciate, martial predictable changes — consider/ consideration; rectangle/gular Errors in unstressed syllables of longer words — responsability develops and controls some extended clause complexes uses some different reporting clauses — I find that … some figurative language — harebrained scheme punctuation correct most of the time in developed and varied sentence structures Uses internal word and syllable pattern knowledge to spell multi-syllabic words with: uncommon vowel patterns — drought common/subject-specific content — media, expensive, oxygen more difficult homophones — affect/effect; practice/practise simple, compound and complex sentences well constructed Uses knowledge of syllables and affixes to spell words with: chooses vocabulary sensitive to the relationship and purpose a spelling-meaning link — observe/observation controls verb groups for tenor — would be better to move simple prefixes/suffixes with no change to base words — recently, improvement, suggestion, healthy uses some extended noun groups to enhance meaning Uses knowledge of syllable patterns to spell multi-syllabic words with: some longer noun phrases — message for little kids plural or tense endings where base words change — activity/ activities, become/becoming strong links between most dominant ideas; may have a minor disruption in the sequence G uneven stress patterns – chocolate basic complex sentences, e.g. time, condition, place, reason, cause begins to control modal verbs to construct point of view H F common homophones — there/ their, here/hear, right/write difficult contractions — doesn’t, wouldn’t mostly correct punctuation of basic complex & simple sentences E Planned response that attempts to build a shared experience with the reader Statement of opinion (issue/ problem), reason for issue, solution/s elaborated simple sentences some complex sentences, e.g. causal and conditional relations Uses knowledge of internal word patterns to spell multisyllabic words with: may have too many details or details not well integrated little elaboration of any of these stages simple reporting clause — I think even stress patterns — explain identifies and uses ideas from the stimulus may have lapses in links between the structural elements; significant disruption in the structural sequence may occur at one point action and simple thinking verbs, some modal verbs — must, could inflected endings with no change to base words — watching some well-chosen vocabulary — cautious compound words — teenagers, playground lapses in cohesion basic contractions — can’t, won’t constructs response as a personal view — I think people should 8 E N Response is unintelligible or unable to be marked N O Nothing on the page. O | Instruction and stimulus Section 2 Ideas for the teaching of writing • Study what you teach. Practice writing the texts you want your students to write. • Consider the use of a writing workshop. There are a number of commercial publications that will be of assistance in developing this approach. Be aware of the widespread influence of the book, The art of teaching writing by Lucy Calkins (1986). • At the beginning of your teaching sequence, provide a model of the kind of writing you want students to produce and let them know the criteria on which it will be judged. Ideally, build these up from reading lessons. When teaching reading or teaching from reading materials, help students to apply the techniques of authors to their writing. • Model for the students the thinking processes of writing. Show them how you bring ideas for writing together, the decisions you make and their relationship to your purpose and your target audience. Model how to select and develop a single theme. • The strategy of top-level structuring is useful for teaching students about the logical relations between clauses. • Use mini-lessons to develop particular skills such as the development of sentence structure or forming a good thesis. Spelling • Teach students about the spelling system through activities such as word sorts. Have a “no excuses” list of spelling that you and your students have identified during writing and spelling activities. The content of the list should change over time. • Make links between spelling and vocabulary. Use activities such as visual schematics, semantic maps, word maps or vocabulary notebooks. • Develop a spelling conscience in your students. Encourage students to spell correctly as often as possible and to develop strategies for monitoring and revising spelling. Commentary on student responses and teaching issues The commentary that follows was originally published in the 2004 Test reporting handbook and the comments apply to the writing produced that year. The comments below are arranged under the criteria contextual factors, textual factors and spelling. In the section that follows however, sample student scripts have been reproduced and the scores and annotations of these divide the criteria of textual factors into text structure on one hand and grammar, vocabulary, cohesion, punctuation on the other. Contextual factors Asking the students to write to their own school principal helped them to conceptualise the contextual demands of the task. Students had a chance to identify something that they felt strongly about. Like all of us, students write better when they are emotionally engaged and can write in their own voice. Students who understood and took control of the contextual factors showed qualities that made their writing really shine. They understood that writing to their principal required them to acknowledge the formal relationship between themselves and their principal. Accordingly, they needed to construct a respectful, organised and positive response. Comments from the markers indicated that they found the students’ letters interesting. On the other hand, the scripts that showed a recipe-like format lacked these qualities. More importantly, they lacked the individual voice of the students. Younger students tended to select issues that were of concern to them. These included personal issues such as too much spelling or maths or the lack of their desired food in the tuckshop. Typical examples can be seen in the scripts included in Appendix 12 (samples 2 and 3). As can be seen in the second example, students understood the power relationships of schools very well. Older students approached the task from a much more community-based perspective. They tended to identify issues that were of significance to the whole community. The way they structured their texts showed that they understood the need to develop a positive relationship with the principal and to develop a coherent explanation or argument to support their point of view. Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 9 The very best students could identify the issues relevant to their community and they could also identify with the principal, using his/her point of view to develop their ideas. Textual factors Students that scored highly in the writing task showed control and precision in their writing. They had effective, well-ordered organisation. The cohesion of their ideas through the text was for the most part very tight. These students were able to use their control over clause structure to signal the links between ideas and to extend their descriptions. These more able students were also able to use rhetorical devices such as humour to engage their audience and to develop their own voice. These students were also able to use paragraphing to group their ideas and lead readers through the text. They not only used punctuation to mark out the boundaries between ideas, they also were beginning to use punctuation to pace their readers. The lack of cohesion of the ideas and the quality of the clause structure were factors that marked the next groups of students. One of the reasons for telling the students to select only one issue to write about was because students are more likely to write more cohesively if they take one idea and develop it. Students in this group sometimes took several ideas and were unable to sustain a cohesive piece of writing. No additional penalty was applied to students for having written about more than one idea. The lack of control these students had over their clause structure was reflected in the phenomenon of ‘talk written down’. At times they still used clauses joined by and or and then to give sequence. Another manifestation of this problem was the use of unreferenced pronouns. Students awarded grades in the middle range sometimes had poorer punctuation than less able writers. This can occur when students begin to build better and more complex clause structures; students have trouble working out where the boundaries between the ideas are. While it can be a sign of growth in their writing, this seriously reduces the readability of the writing. Short lessons focused on the role punctuation plays in the construction of meaning would help this group. Students achieving lower grades tended to rely on the sequence of clauses to infer the relationship between their ideas. Spelling in writing The full range of spelling development is evident in the scripts. A very small percentage of students demonstrated spelling knowledge which appeared to be in the pre-phonemic stage of spelling — these are very largely students whose scripts were rated N — unable to be marked. These children presented words with letters and letter strings. A small but significant number of students were rated as showing spelling development in the semi-phonemic stage. These were students who represented the dominant sounds of words. Most students demonstrated spelling that suggested development in the letter-name, within-word and syllablejuncture stages. Many students are still developing control over the more sophisticated aspects of spelling, including the ability to: • use the correct letter patterns in unstressed syllables • add affixes, particularly to multisyllabic words, • use the spelling-meaning connection. In summary, the writing task was effective in discriminating aspects of writing performance. The task gave students the chance to write with their own voice and they appear to have done so. 10 | Commentary Section 3 – Annotated exemplar scripts These scripts, annotations and scores exemplify how the criteria and standards rubric is applied and how students at different levels tend to respond to the task. These scripts can be used with students in conversations about the different qualities of writing and what might be done by a particular writer to move the writing to the next level. They might also be used in porfessional deevlopment activities. To support that use, a commentary template has been included on page 66. Script 1 — Mr Sexton Contextual factors A Uses an idea from the stimulus. Some meaning can be made. Text structure A Paragraphs indicate some structural organisation in the text but organisation of ideas is not discernible. Grammar, vocabulary, cohesion, punctuation A Some sentence boundaries can be inferred. Little punctuation. Spelling B Correct spelling of some known words – is, so, the, look, we. Dominant sounds represented in most words – letr (litter) scoolle, skoolle (school) pepl (people). Word boundaries not well defined, Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 11 Script 1 — Mr Sexton Understands the purpose of a letter. States a problem. Some meaning can be made. Punctuation and conjunctions suggest relationships between ideas that cannot be discerned. States a solution, the meaning of which is unclear. Letter strings Little punctuation Word boundaries not well defined. 12 | Annotated scripts Script 2 — Mr Halster Contextual factors B Brief response to task. Meaning can be made from most of the text (when “yomfs” is understood as “uniforms”). Text structure B Simple orientation – states solution. Supported by 1 or 2 sentences – a problem and a reason. Grammar, vocabulary, cohesion, punctuation B Largely simple sentences. Some punctuation to mark sentence boundaries. Spelling B Represents the dominant sounds in two syllable words – yomfs (uniforms), noml (normal), misd (mister) wen (when). Correct spelling of known words – school, time, home, rid, day, get, of Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 13 Script 2 — Mr Halster Key to understanding States solution – order, inappropriate to student student– principal relationship. Order softened – please. States problem – “I” centred Some known words Supporting reason Some punctuation 14 | Annotated scripts Spelling – represents the dominant sounds Script 3 — Mr Hamling Contextual factors Begins to develop a self-centred focus. Too brief to merit a D score. C The attempt to mimic polite spoken requests shows some understanding of the tenor of the reader/ writer relationship. There is a little planning evident. The first sentence tries to be clear about what the writer does not like. Text structure C There is a statement of opinion with two suggested solutions. No reasons are given and the script is too brief for a D score. Grammar, vocabulary, cohesion, punctuation C The order of the sentences suggests the logical relationship between them. To move beyond C, the student needs to use words about cause and purpose. The noun group “short drink” is typical of a C. Sentence boundaries are shown, although required question marks are not used. Incorrect full stop after “people”. Spelling Most phonemes in single syllable words are represented. C Mostly correct spelling of single-syllable words – like, think. Despite some control of the internal patterns of words – could, please – errors show this skill is not mastered – field (filled), Hamiling (Hamling), evrey (every), wating (waiting) Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 15 Script 3— Dear Mr Hamling First person point of view Tenor appropriate to relationship Gives a reason States problem Errors include complex long vowels Suggests actions Mostly correct spelling of onesyllable short vowel words. 16 | Annotated scripts Represents single phonemes Script 4 — Mr McFadden Contextual factors D Response to the task shows some planning and sequencing. Selects an idea related to the task – could be better elaborated. Text structure E States problems; includes some details. States solution. Grammar, vocabulary, cohesion, punctuation D Simple causal relationships – I don’t like it because ... Spelling Mostly correct spelling of common long vowel patterns – canteen, prices. D Mostly correct spelling of words adding tense and plural endings – waiting, fixed Errors in representing final sounds amoud (amount), stuf (stuff), Error in a common word – to (too) Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 17 Script 4 — Mr McFadden States his purpose for writing States the problem Simple cause relationships Supports with reasons Solution 18 | Annotated scripts Unreferenced pronouns Prices aspect not elaborated Script 5 — Dear Principal (Zeke) Contextual factors E A planned response with episodic sequences. Shows an awareness of the need to build a shared experience – asks the principal to see the problem through his eyes. Text structure E Opening statement (description), problem and list of solutions. Ideas are organised from a personal perspective – I don’t like ..., I have a couple of ideas ..., we’re tired of waiting. Grammar, vocabulary, cohesion, punctuation Causes and consequences developed. Some clause structures are not well developed. Difficulty with pronoun referencing (page 2), which means some ideas are not well integrated. Spelling D Shows an understanding of the internal patterns of words – couple, mouth, waiting, bottle. Some lapses – beps (beeps), studets (students), teather (teacher), there (their), intil (until) judy (duty). Evidence that more advanced levels are not mastered – conesined (concerned), idears (ideas), funton (fountain). Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 19 Script 5 — Dear Principal (Zeke) Sets the scene through his eyes Cause Problem Personal view Justifies problem to other point of view 20 | Annotated scripts Script 5 — Dear Principal (Zeke) List of ideas Sentence boundaries unclear Repetitive sentence structure Multiple use of ‘you’unreferenced Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 21 Script 5 — Dear Principal Reason 22 | Annotated scripts Script 6 — Dear principal (K) Contextual factors A planned, sequenced response; related to topic and the demands of the task. F Attempts to engage reader by including reasons and thoughts. Contructs a personal but collective response – We can help you with this problem. Provides many details – some unnecessary. Text structure F Opening statement to the reader, problem, reasons, solutions, concluding statement I hope you will. Grammar, vocabulary, cohesion, punctuation Basic complex and compound sentences – some not well constructed. Some loss of punctuation to indicate the sentence boundaries. E Uses modal verbs to indicate the sense of obligation – you can put Some thinking feeling verbs – We don’t like ..., it frustrates us... Some ideas not well linked – difficulty in pronoun referencing. Some vocabulary chosen with precision – frustrates, dehydration, install. Spelling Shows an understanding of adding affixes – one error happend, (happened). E Mostly correct spelling of multi-syllabic words – frustrates, dehydration – errors soulutions (solutions). Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 23 Script 6 — Dear Principal (K) A planned and sequenced response, relates to the topic and task demands Attempts to engage the reader by including thoughts and reasons Painting the picture from her point of view Provides many details – some unnecessary Complex sentences some not well constructed States the problem Gives reasons Basic complex sentences 24 | Annotated scripts Puts the student point of view Script 6 — Dear Principal (K) No paragraphing in main body Vocabulary chosen for emotive effect Relationship building Modal verbs Change of tenor – awareness of reader Sentence boundaries lost Clarity lost in linking of ideas – pronoun referencing Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 25 Script 6 — Dear Principal (K) 26 | Annotated scripts Script 7 — Dear Mr Harrison Contextual factors G Response shows an awareness of the formality of the relationship between reader and writer. Attempts to develop the subject matter from a school or class perspective. Text structure G Sequences her argument factually and emotionally. The flow from one issue to another could be better sequenced and linked. Ideas are grouped into paragraphs. Grammar, vocabulary, cohesion, punctuation G Controls and varies sentence structures for effect, despite some verb flaws.. Chooses vocabulary sensitive to the relationship and purpose – privileged. Spelling Shows an understanding of adding affixes – installed, unicycles. E Correct spelling of mutisyllable words – proposals. Errors include intrests (interests), exersise (exercise), priveliged (privileged), nessercery (necessary). Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 27 Script 7 — Dear Mr Harrison Awareness of the relationship and its formality Sentences contain extending phrases Develops a strong personal voice Includes the weight of other’s point of view Argues the community benefit 28 | Annotated scripts Script 7 — Dear Mr Harrison Clusters ideas into paragraphs Structures the writing to appeal to to the reader emotionally and personally Uses simple and complex sentences effectively Appeals for action in a way that shows awareness of the relationship. Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 29 Script 8 — Dear Mr John Contextual factors I Attempts to develop a relationship with the reader – Although am overall very happy with the school ..., I enjoy being a student here ..., I want to thank you .. Understands other points of view – I am suggesting ..., if you could come up with a better point of view. Text structure H Structures the problem and solution sequence to appeal to the principal emotionally and personally. Grammar, vocabulary, cohesion, punctuation G Uses simple, compound and complex sentences with variety and some elaboration appropriately and for effect. Selects language that reflects the interpersonal or emotional aspects of the student–principal relationship – rather lacking, seem to disappear. Spelling E 30 Shows an understanding of syllables and adding affixes. Errors include minuetes (minutes), oppurtunity (opportunity). | Annotated scripts Script 8 — Dear Mr John Attempts to develop a relationship with the principal Structures the problem and solution sequence to appeal to the reader Uses simple, compound and complex sentences appropriately Uses emotive vocabulary Shows understanding of issues that might shape the principals’ view Some vocabulary is not consistent with tenor Sentences contain Sentences contain extending phrases Modulated language indicates the degree of obligation and certainty Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 31 Uses simple, compound and complex sentences appropriately Attempts to build a relationship with the principal Uses emotive vocabulary 32 | Annotated scripts Script 8 — Dear Mr John Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 33 Script 9 — Dear Mrs Noonan Contextual factors G Response is planned to take account of the relationship between the writer and the recipient. Attempts to persuade the reader to her point of view. Text structure G Structures the problem and solution logically and factually to the reader. The first type ... Another type ... Ideas are clustered into paragraphs. Grammar, vocabulary, cohesion, punctuation Overuse of the same sentence structure based on “because” clauses. G Vocabulary suitable to relationship – to express – and purpose serious, self-esteem. Sophisticated cohesion devices (such as ellipsis: Another form of bullying is physical [bullying]. Spelling E 34 Correct spelling of multi-syllabic words – concern, mental. Words with common prefixes ... conventions for adding - teasing, depression, depending. | Annotated scripts Script 9 — Dear Mrs Noonan Acknowledges the relationship – word choice States purpose Structures description of the problem logically and factually Phrases to extend descriptions of ideas Vocabulary appropriate to purpose Ideas clustered in paragraphs Develops a strong personal voice Develops the subject matter from a school perspective Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 35 Script 9 — Dear Mrs Noonan (Cont) Offers solution and supports with details Vocabulary chosen with precision 36 | Annotated scripts Script 10 — Dear Mr Stoyles Contextual factors Attempts to develop a relationship with the reader. I Shows an awareness of the school’s values and beliefs. Acknowledges the principal’s point of view. Text structure Constructs her argument justifying her position from multiple points of view. I Ideas are tightly linked through the text – jumpers, blazers, uniform. Uses vocabulary with precision – the ways and doings, absurd. Elaborates ideas with that, ing clauses. Grammar, vocabulary, cohesion, punctuation Control and variety of ambitious clauses and sentence structures. H Precise vocabulary to influence reader’s perceptions and acknowledge the social relationships with the reader. Tight cohesion amongst elaborated ideas. Spelling E Mostly correct spelling of multi-syllable words – festive, accompanied, unaccompanied, finally, respectable. Errors show some difficulty with sounds at the syllable juncture –occaisions (occasions), obsurd (absurd), adding affixes basicaly (basically). Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 37 Script 10 — Dear Mr Stoyles Elaborates the form to communicate multiple points of view Precise vocabulary Identifies with the school point of view Signals the issue States problem directly Elaborates with -ing clause Elaborates the rule with a that clause Re-establishes her understanding of the principal’s position 38 | Annotated scripts Ideas tightly linked through text Script 10 — Dear Mr Stoyles Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 39 Script 10— Dear Mr Stoyles 40 | Annotated scripts Script 11 — Dear Mr Hamiling (Brodie) Contextual factors Begins to develop a self-centred focus. Too brief to merit a D score. C The attempt to mimic polite spoken requests shows some understanding of the tenor of the reader/ writer relationship. There is a little planning evident. The first sentence tries to be clear about what the writer does not like. Text structure C There is a statement of opinion with two suggested solutions. No reasons are given and the script is too brief for a D score. Grammar, vocabulary, cohesion, punctuation C The order of the sentences suggests the logical relationship between them. To move beyond C, the student needs to use words about cause and purpose. The noun group “short drink” is typical of a C. Sentence boundaries are shown, although required question marks are not used. Incorrect full stop after “people”. Spelling C Mostly correct spelling of single-syllable words. Errors: field (filled), Hamiling (Hamling), evrey (every), wating (waiting) Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 41 Script 11— Dear Mr Hamiling (Brodie) 42 | Annotated scripts Script 12 — Dear School principle (Jacob) Contextual factors I Opens with community values to connect with the reader and argues from general rather than self interest (“unsanitary condition cannot be good for the health of the students”). Makes an intellectual appeal to the reader by presenting evidence (“I have been noting why some students litter”) and by the logical ordering and elaboration of lidless bin ideas. Not awarded a J score because there is too little analysis of the problem (i.e. “as a result of student behaviour”) and too little justification for a focus on a bin solution. Uses “our beloved school” to position both writer and reader as insiders. Takes account of other viewpoints; e.g. does not blame the staff. A personal voice shows in the writing. Text structure The first paragraph develops an opinion in a context while the second elaborates a response. H There is control of a logical internal structure within paragraphs. There is insufficient detail organised in marked paragraphs to earn an I score. Grammar, vocabulary, cohesion, punctuation The complex sentences (based on reported clauses (“I feel that”) and the conjunctions “so” and “if”) lack sophistication and variety but are used to some effect. H Precise vocabulary. Noun groups (“unsanitary conditions”, “the following results”, “a remedy for this”, “extra wide lidless bins”) and modal and precise verb groups (“could place”, “would encourage”, “currently attending”, “definitely improve”, “could install”). There are some flaws (“come out with” instead of “arrived at”, “In total” instead of “In combination”, “put these ideas into action” instead of “put these proposals in place” or “take these actions”). Good cohesive links, including signposts (Lately, First, second, in total) but also the repetitions and pronouns around the types of bins. Spelling Affixes without change to base: unsanitory, extremely, recently, encourage. G Spelling–meaning link: grateful, install, condition Errors: definately (definitely), principle (Principal) Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 43 Script 12 — Dear School principle (Jacob) Attempts to develop a relationship with the reader States the problem Supports with consequences for the community Uses the noun and verb groups to increase the lexical density Precise vocabulary choice Develops personal voice Links between ideas are tight and effective Uses simple compound & complex sentences appropriately Shows awareness of the values and beliefs of own community 44 | Annotated scripts Logical and ordered development of ideas Chooses vocabulary with precision Script 12 — Dear School principle (Jacob) Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 45 Script 13 — Ms Toffoli Contextual factors G Shows awareness of the formality of the relationship between reader and writer (“I would like to express”; “As you might know”; “I would suggest”). Develops some subject matter from a school or class perspective. Develops a strong personal voice – “my concern”, “I don’t like”, “we”, “some of us” Text structure G Structures the problem and solution logically and factually. In this case, the logic and coherence of the piece would have been improved by having the solutions follow the problems. The paragraphs cluster similar ideas. Grammar, vocabulary, cohesion, punctuation The problems with this student’s writing indicate the student’s aspirations to more sophisticated grammar. The errors indicate that the teaching focus for a student at the F level might apply. The student correctly attempts formal grammar and succeeds with some extending phrases: “One way of fixing this”, “allowed to spend money on that day and that day only”. The formal vocabulary (express, concern, encourages) is not sustained. F There are problems with mood (sentences that are half statement and half command, “people are only allowed” instead of “people should be allowed”) and mode (“encourages” instead of “would encourage”) and nominalisation (“get a punishment” instead of “be punished”; “to not allow sharing” instead of “to prohibit and punish sharing”) and tense (“they have got” instead of “they will have”). The student habitually leaves off the pluralising s where it is needed. Cohesion suffers from poor pronoun referencing and from the effect of the problems discussed above. Most punctuation is correct and helpful. Spelling F On the cusp of a score of E and F. Shows an understanding of adding affixes: punishment, encourages, sharing, sincerely. Correct homophone: allowed. Correct spelling of multisyllable words: concern, problem, express. Correct contraction: shouldn’t, don’t. Errors: jounoir (junior); common homophone: there (their); 46 | Annotated scripts Script 13 — Ms Toffoli Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 47 Script 13 — Ms Toffoli 48 | Annotated scripts Script 13 — Ms Toffoli Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 49 Script 14 — I don’t like traffic Contextual factors A little planning is evident in stating the problem, with supporting details then the solution, with a reason. D A self-centred view (“I don’t like the traffic”; “I don’t like being pushed”). The writer seems to be talking to himself rather than to a reader but this is modified by a small acknowledgment of the reader in the phrase “I suggest” and the pronoun “we”. Text structure D Implies a reason for his dislike of the staircase. Also implies (despite the lack of a causal sentence with a conjunction) that the problem is caused by the narrowness of the stairs rather than the “traffic of people” itself. Attempts to show details of inconvenience and of how to fix the problem (i.e. acting during the holidays when, by implication, the stairs will not be in use). If the student was aware of the need to make overt these implied ideas and if he had the grammatical knowledge to state them, then this script could jump to a much higher score. Grammar, vocabulary, cohesion, punctuation Contains three oral-based complex sentences, the first two with similar structure, the third with a causal clause but with missing verb and missing plural, i.e. while “time delay” is a good nominalisation, it needed the verb cause (“cause time delays” should have been used). C Precise use of “traffic of people” , “disturb classes”, “wider stair[s]”. Other vocabulary is idiomatic and plain. Too brief to give more evidence than score C. All sentence boundaries are punctuated. Spelling D 50 Correct spelling of one-syllable words (like), common words (people) and some two-syllable words (traffic, suggest). Errors show that knowledge about the internal patterns of words is not yet mastered: e.g. biuld (build), shaved (shoved), wighter (wider), distube (disturb) classies (classes). | Annotated scripts Script 14 — I don’t like traffic Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 51 Script 15 — Dear Mr Harrison (Ben) Contextual factors F A planned, sequenced response to task demands. Provides brief reasons and proposes actions relevant to his problems. Demonstrates awareness of the power relationship with the principal: e.g. “I would like”, “If you could”. Although the ultimatum and demanding tone of the final sentences misjudges the relationship, they are intended to engage the reader. Text structure F Very brief introduction that implies an opinion by the way it states the problems. Includes brief concluding gestures. The first two paragraphs are structured as a description followed by a proposed action. The third paragraph is really part of the second. The final paragraph is a call to action. Grammar, vocabulary, cohesion, punctuation Basic complex sentences (“The first is that ...”; “If you can ...”). F Uses modal verbs (“If you could trade”) to signal an obligation to act on his suggestions. One thinking verb (“choose”). Overuses “If” as a polite way to make a request (i.e. uses “if you could ...” to mean Could you please so that ...) Unsophisticated but adequate linkages between ideas. Mostly correct sentence punctuation. Spelling D 52 Shows an understanding of the internal patterns of words (unicycles, bullies, second, during). Errors in vowel patterns and other lapses: brake (break), ovel (oval), dont (don’t), cant (can’t) | Annotated scripts Script 15 — Dear Mr Harrison (Ben) Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 53 Script 16 — We need grass in our school Contextual factors E Attempts to bring the reader into a shared experience. Tries to invoke shared values but fails to appeal to an identified reader or to show how writing about the problem will serve the purpose. Some details are not integrated, e.g. the mud inthe church is unexplained for the reader. Text structure E Identifies the problem and makes clear statements in favour of grass. Little effective elaboration of these steps in the argument. The final paragraph fails to shape the text. Grammar, vocabulary, cohesion, punctuation E The first two sentences show the student is at the stage of experimenting with elaborated simple sentences and basic complex sentences. The second and third paragraph consists of an immature or uncontrolled sentence structure linked with ands. The writer falls back into simple indicative sentences (“We can improve”, “This situation will”) where qualified modal verbs should have been used (We would be able to, The situation could be). The student tries to use emotive and formal vocabulary (“outrageous”, “spectacular”, “current discussion”). Cohesion is poor. The writer assumes the reader knows the relation between grass in the school, mud in the church and gravel. The student misuses connectives (e.g. “more spectacular as” should be “than”). Spelling G 54 Good grasp of spelling/meaning patterns and affixes: discussion, situation, outrageous, spectacular Errors: maney (many), occure (occur), principle (Principal) | Annotated scripts Script 16 — We need grass in our school Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 55 Script 17 — The principal (Sean) Contextual factors D Response to the task shows some planning and sequencing. Selects ideas related to the task, but some are not well integrated. The writer understands the task as requiring emotional words, so he imitates the words of an angry parent. There is no cogent construction of the reader and writer roles or of what the letter is trying to achieve. Text structure D Mostly the script repeats the same idea. The statement of opinion and the response is repeated with arbitrary details added. Concluding statement repeats these ideas in another way. Grammar, vocabulary, cohesion, punctuation Many simple sentences. Some simple cause relationships (that’s why; because he got hurt by a bully). Overuse of and and because to link clauses. Many grammatical errors, especially of verb D tense. Simple vocabulary. Missing and misused words create gaps in cohesion. Little punctuation; sentence boundaries not marked. Spelling C 56 Correct spelling of simple single-syllable words (stop, hurt); common words (children, talk, every), long vowel patterns (need). Incorrect spelling gives clear evidence of difficulty with adding inflected endings: aloud (allowed), find (finds), anger (angry), angering (angry), one’s (once), bully’s (bullies). | Annotated scripts Script 17 — The principal (Sean) Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 57 Script 17 — The principal (Sean) 58 | Annotated scripts Script 18 — Dear principal ( A concerned student) Contextual factors H Uses the wider values of the school and “community” to base their opinion. Formal expression is used (rather too stuffily), to adopt a respectable persona to gain credibility. Logical structure of the final sentence is calculated to persuade the reader. Text structure G Introduction is rather too brief and the elaboration too unsustained for a higher score. Grammar, vocabulary, cohesion, punctuation Evidence of more sophisticated complex sentences. “Punish” is overused and “amount” misused (where “number” is needed.) G Tight lexical cohesion during jump from the statement of personal experience to the statements about the problem and solution. Controls punctuation of complex sentence boundaries. Spelling E Errors (writting, disrespectfull) give evidence that the writer has not mastered the syllable juncture stage. Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 59 Script 18 — Dear principal (A concerned student)l Response shows awareness of the formality of the relationship between reader and writer Opening statement Develops an overt personal voice Uses compound and complex sentences effectively Statement of problem Reason Attempts to develop subject matter from a school perspective Clustering of ideas into paragraphs Logical but basic development of the solution Vocabulary precise but? Concluding statement to the reader 60 | Annotated scripts Script 19 — Dear Principal (Michael) Contextual factors G Shows an awareness of the formality of the relationships between the reader and the writer in this context. This earns a score above F, despite the flaws in planning the writer role. The writer switches from the first person (“I have written”) to the third person (“We also advise”). The reader is left to wonder if the writer is a school administration officer, an individual student, a student representative or a local council officer. Text structure F Structures the problem and solution sequence logically and factually. Lacks elaboration. Grammar, vocabulary, cohesion, punctuation Extending phrases , e.g. “a growing concern about our water fountains”. Causal and defining links in subordinate clauses, e.g. “because people are clogging them”, “caught vandalising school property”. G Brief evidence and some uncertain and unnecessary mixing of tenses (e.g. “people are clogging” instead of people clog), but a G score is awarded because the student is attempting to use grammar to control the formal tenor of the reader–writer relationship. Chooses words sensitive to the relationship – “I hope you consider our advice”. Cohesion: There is confusion over the pronouns we and I. Spelling Correct spelling of multisyllable words: fountains, property E Correct spelling of words with simple affixes: complaining, punishments, constantly Errors: concider (consider), advise (advice), sinserly (sincerely), vanderlising (vandalising) Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 61 Script 19 — Dear Principal (Michael) 62 | Annotated scripts Script 20 — Dear Mr Williams Contextual factors Appeals to the intended reader intellectually and emotionally. Uses anecdote to help to define and explain. I Argues for a change that the Principal will care about and is able to act upon. Speaks from personal experience but reminds the reader that the problem affects students generally. Maintains politeness towards the Principal by acknowledging the difficulty of the problem, conceding weakness in his own argument (the first lock was not the school’s concern) and refrains from overstatement (e.g. “several other classmates and many other pupils”) but asserts his personality to make clear the strength of his feelings about the issue. Text structure The text is extended enough to explore two major aspects of the same topic. H The student avoids a schematic statement of opinion as an introduction. Instead, he establishes the topic then gives a statement of fact (“$54 spent on locks”) that leads straight into the argument. The division between the first and second sections is clear. The final sentence is too brief. Paragraphing is crude and minimal. Grammar, vocabulary, cohesion, punctuation Grammar: Uses varied sentence structures including one -ing clause (“without using a fair bit of money”), but with awkwardness that would not be evident in H scripts. Some good use of complex tenses (“could have easily been”; “I would ask that the lockers be caged”; “pupils have had their locks stolen”). G Vocabulary: Uses qualifying adjectives and formal nouns to suit the relationship to the reader (“soiree”, “entire central hallway”). Uses imagery to suggest the real distress caused by the apparently minor problem (“I have been battered and beaten by lockers, books, bags etc.”). There is an example of poor idiomatic usage (“on account of”). Cohesion: Overuses “lock” and shows some poor control of pronouns (“If it is possible for you, I have a suggestion”). Displays one sophisticated passage: “another issue ... which also concerns the lockers. Space. There is simply not enough space”). Punctuation: Sentence, clause and noun punctuation mostly correct. Spelling F Knows syllable patterns and common affixed words, e.g. easily, account, concern, roughly, suggestion. However, errors indicate this knowledge is not perfected, e.g. brocken (broken), inadequete (inadequate), seperated (separated), of (off) Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 63 Script 20 — Dear Mr Williams States purpose for writing States problem Justifies the problem from his perspective Attempts to engage the reader by includiing thoughts and actions 64 | Annotated scripts Script 20 — Dear Mr Williams Problem Aware of the relationship - clause Solution Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 65 Blank response form Script Name: Contextual factors Text structure Grammar, vocabulary, cohesion, punctuation Spelling 66 | Annotated scripts Section 4 – Grammar notes Grammar describes how the inflection (varied form) of words and the order of words contribute to meaning. In the model below, initial decisions about grammar are made at the cultural and situational levels. For instance, opinions are usually written in present tense whereas letters to the editor usually require formal expression. The following pages highlight grammatical decisions made at the levels of words and sentences. Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 67 Level of words and word groups Words sit at the “bottom” of this model of writing. There are two classes of words. Open word classes describe objects and concepts. Closed word classes, sometimes called grammatical word classes, provide structure in the language. Open word classes — objects and concepts Nouns are used to name or label objects, people, places, concepts and feelings. A noun answers the questions “What?” or “Who?” There are common nouns — cat, wombat, thought — and proper nouns — Sally, Brisbane, Queensland, Friday. Proper nouns are capitalised. Nouns Like other forms of vocabulary, nouns can denote the literal meaning of a word and also provide connotations of emotions and feelings associated with it — leave/abandon; thrifty/ stingy. Understanding this distinction is important to the development of students’ writing. Nominalisation is the formation of nouns from other words or phrases. The saving of water is urgent. Like any noun, this nominalised phrase can be introduced by the article “the”. In writing, nominalisation is a technique for expressing more abstract ideas and arguments. It can cloak the writer’s voice to represent opinion as fact. Writers pack noun groups to increase the amount or precision of detail. The ability to construct such groups deliberately and consciously is a measure of a student’s growing control of writing. Noun groups Verbs A noun group can be a single noun or pronoun or can be expanded to include adjectives or adjectival phrases before or after the noun. • front door knob • a long wailing note from Brian’s violin. Verbs provide the dynamism in sentences or clauses by giving a sense of something happening. They show processes such as: • action or doing — hop, drive, promote, design • thinking and feeling — plot, know, believe • saying — say, cry, yell, roar, thunder • being and having — is, was, are, has, have Verbs are changed in form to signal how or when they work. This is called inflection because it is usually accompanied by a raised tone in spoken language. Number The verb must “agree” with the subject of the clause, meaning that, for example, a plural subject must have a plural verb — The boys are brave. (Not boy are or boys is.) The band of wolves is waiting for the caribou. (Not band of wolves are ...) Tense and modality Verbs can be inflected to show when something occurred (present, future, or past). She likes (liked, will like) walking her dog. Because “walking” is a non-finite verb, it does not have a time inflection. In the example above, the future tense must be formed by adding another verb, “will”, as an auxiliary to the main verb, “like”. There are auxiliaries of being — do, have, be — and the modal auxiliaries — can, could, may, might, must, shall, should, ought, will, would. By attaching one of the modal auxiliaries to a verb, a writer can give information about the degree of certainty, probability or obligation that attaches to a stated act. Dinosaurs may have lived here. I have to care for my sister. 68 | Grammar notes Open word classes — objects and concepts The construction of tense and modality can be quite complex. For example, He had been going to be taking part in the attack on the fort. She would have liked to have gone with them. In these two examples, the verb construction is present, in future, in past. Control over these structures is critical in narrative writing, particularly in using literary devices such as flashbacks. Expository writing may also require complex tenses, such as: We were supposed to have had a new park a year ago. Verb groups Verb groups can also be formed by adding to the main verb the auxiliary verbs mentioned above as well as • prepositions — He woke up. • adverbs — He was fighting off the flu. • negatives — Mary would not go home. Elaborated phrases that function as a single verb help to make writing precise but with shades of additional meaning. Noun groups also achieve this function. Verb forms determine whether a sentence is written in the active or passive voice voice Active and passive voice active sentence order subject + verb + object example People make history. passive object + auxiliary (being verb) + verb + History is made preposition (by) + subject by people. effect focus on the agent of an activity focus on the thing affected Adjectives provide information about a noun. They are usually used within a noun group — exciting, new book — but can be used after a verb — She is pretty. Adjectives Adverbs Adjectives can: • describe — beautiful child • show number or quantify — two elephants • specify or point — this newspaper • indicate possession — Mary’s hat • compare — biggest diamond • classify — chemical formulae. Adverbs provide additional information about what is happening in the text. For example, they provide information about an action’s • manner of performance (how) — ran speedily • time of occurrence — came eventually • place of occurrence — born locally. They can give emphasis or intensify, provide indications of attitude and extent or limit the action. She sang happily. She sang very happily. The tenor sang briefly. Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 69 Closed word classes These are a restricted group of words that act as structural markers in the text. They show the logical relations between the ideas and also indicate the weighting of ideas. Articles The definite article the indicates which particular thing is being referred to —The dog next door. The indefinite article a (or an) indicates general nonspecific membership of a class — A pig raided the cabbage patch. Conjunctions show the relation between ideas in two parts of a sentence: one part of a sentence is coordinate with the other or else one part is subordinate to the other. The coordinating conjunctions (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so) show relationships between two ideas of equal importance. I want to go but I can’t. Subordinating conjunctions introduce and signal the function of a subordinate clause (just as prepositions do of phrases). Conjunctions These include relations of: • place — where the road bends • manner — as we did before • subsequent action — since, after • earlier action — before, once, until • concurrent action — whenever, as, while • reason — because • condition — if, unless, in case, that, unless • alternative — either ... or • concession — although, despite, while, even if, (and) yet. Precise conjunctions allow writers to specify precise relations between ideas. Even the conjunction and can be used precisely. Prepositions introduce nouns or phrases to link them to other parts of the sentence and signal the function of the phrase. They locate nouns or phrases in Prepositions time or place — on fire, at the beach, in the swampy field, throughout the text spatial relation — above water, under the influence, next to useless, inside the apple direction — to, on, in, into, onto etc. manner — despite all appearances. Pronouns allow repeated reference to a concept without repeating a noun. My cat [noun] is white. Its [possessive pronoun] mother is black. Some examples: Pronouns personal — I, me, you, they, he, she, it, we, us (see also cohesion below) possessive — our(s), my, mine, your(s), her(s), his, their(s), its reflexive — yourself, ourselves demonstrative — those, these, this indefinite — each, all, any, some interrogative — whose, which, what, whom. 70 | Grammar notes Level of clauses and sentences Moving “upwards” within the model of writing, we reach clauses. Clauses are the smallest structures that can contain a unified proposition. Clauses Unlike phrases or other grammatically connected groups of words, clauses contain a verb and its object. In addition, independent clauses contain a subject. Independent clauses can stand alone but in complex sentences they form the main clause. phrase — to the beach (preposition + noun group) independent clause — I run to the beach (subject + verb + object) subordinate clause — when I run to the beach (conjunction + subject+ verb + object phrase) A coordinated clause is a sentence capable of standing by itself but joined to another standalone clause by a conjunction (and, or, but, not only … but also etc.). Coordinated clauses Greer wants to go skiing at Mt Buffalo and then [Greer/she] wants to go to Sovereign Hill. I love chocolate but [I] don’t really like lollies. Two or more coordinated clauses joined with a conjunction construct a compound sentence. Compound sentences join together propositions that have equal ranking or status. Only the sequence in these sentences suggests the order in which a reader should attend to the meaning. A subordinate clause is a fragment of a sentence that provides extra information related to that given in a main or independent clause. They became lost [main] when they missed the turn [subordinate]. Subordinate clauses can give information about the participants within a main clause. Subordinate clauses Girls who are too concerned about body image can develop anorexia. In indirect speech, subordinate clauses can give information projected by a participant within the clause. My friend said that he wouldn’t be home that early. A complex sentence is formed when one main clause is joined by a subordinating conjunction to one or more subordinate clauses. Complex sentences contain clauses of unequal ranking or status. Sentences are either a single clause or a combination of clauses. As mood structures, they provide information about the writer’s relationship with an audience and the way information is to be regarded. When an independent clause is allowed to stand alone, it forms a simple sentence with a subject (Mary) a verb (goes) and an object (off to the shop). Some simple sentences can become quite elaborate, e.g. Papua New Guinea [subject] has [verb] a large number of active volcanoes. [object]. Sentences The order of sentence elements given in this example is the usual one: subject, verb, object. By changing the order, different emphases can be created. (E.g. Off to the shop goes Mary.) Sentences can take different forms: declaratives — used to make statements interrogatives — used to ask questions imperatives — used to give orders exclamations — used to express strong emotion, usually of surprise or disgust. These forms indicate the mood or power relationships between the writer and the intended audience. Students need to develop control over a repertoire of sentence forms to manage their stance and their audience appeal. Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 71 This term refers to the ordering of information within a clause. The theme of a clause is most often the subject of the clause and, in declarative sentences (sentences that make statements) it is often the participant in the stated event: Allan was hit by the bus. Theme/rheme The theme is usually placed at the beginning of the clause. It highlights to the reader the most significant component of the clause. However, other components of the clause can be in theme position: Around the corner came the speeding bus that hit Allan. Where the subject is not the theme, there is a level of increased emphasis given to the idea presented as theme. The patterns with which the theme and rheme of clauses link, adds to the cohesion. Level of paragraph or proposition Paragraphs are used to group the major ideas or propositions within a text. This organizes the ideas, thus helping readers to recognise the significant ideas and make associations between them. Paragraphs are also used to mark shifts in the flow of the text. Properly constructed, a paragraph leaves the reader in no doubt about how it links to what comes before and after it. This might require connective words or phrases (see next page). A paragraph has a topic sentence that indicates the substance of the paragraph. A topic sentence can be a summary of the ideas that appear in the paragraph or a super-ordinate idea or generalised statement that is exemplified or elaborated in the paragraph. Generally, the topic sentence appears at the beginning of the paragraph, but it need not necessarily do so. Level of text Moving up to the overall text level, there are a number of different devices that are used to organise and link the ideas in the text. 72 | Grammar notes Cohesion Cohesion is used to describe the devices that help move a reader through the text. Cohesion works in two major ways. One is called grammatical cohesion. This works largely through the use of the structural words that constitute the closed word classes which refer readers backwards and forwards through the text.. Pronouns Connectives These connect all the ideas associated with a basic noun. They either connect with a noun that has already been introduced or they can be introduced before the noun to which they refer. Skilled writers are able to use pronouns that are not defined in the text but which are defined by strong inferred connections to commonly held knowledge. Where multiple or long pronoun strings are introduced, the noun-pronoun reference needs to be re-established at the beginning of each paragraph. Where the distance between the referent and the pronoun is too great or where a reader may become confused by multiple pronoun strings, the pronoun needs to be redefined. Whereas conjunctions link two parts of a sentence together, connectives link two sentences or two paragraphs together. Connectives show relations of: • time – subsequent action — since then, after that, next, finally, as soon as, soon afterward – prior action — at first, until then, earlier – concurrent action — at the same time, meanwhile • cause – result — as a result, therefore, consequently – reason — because of, so that, due to – inference — otherwise, in that case, then – condition — granted that, considering how, now that, as long as • addition – equality — and, moreover, besides, furthermore, similarly – restatement — indeed, actually, namely, that is – example — for example, first, second, third, next, then, finally – summation — thus, overall, therefore, in conclusion, in short, in fact • contrast – antithesis — but, yet, rather, on the other hand – alternative — alternatively, however, rather than – comparison — in comparison, in contrast, likewise – concession — though, however, anyhow, in any case, despite that. The second way in which cohesion is developed is through the association between ideas. This is often referred to as lexical cohesion. These word associations are created by: • repetition — Algy met a bear. The bear was bulgy. • synonyms — The dragon was a coward, and she called him Custard. • antonyms — The wolf was happy, which gave the pig every reason to be sad. • associations of words around the same subject — As the jockey travelled to the racecourse, he wondered about his new mount. It was a stablemate of his last ride but was it a stallion or a mare? It would need the speed of Pegasus to win this race. This is the weakest form of cohesion. Used alone or as the dominant method of cohesion, it forces a reader to read and clarify using their own background knowledge. This can lead to ambiguous or confused understanding on the part of a reader. • taxonomies such as part to whole — Custard the dragon had big sharp teeth, And spikes on top of him and scales underneath. And class to subclass — A well known amphibian is the green frog. Stronger and unambiguous links between ideas and clear referencing between ideas will make the text more coherent and thus readable. Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 73 Notes on punctuation Punctuation is part of the orthographic code through which language is created on a page. It marks out the semantic boundaries between ideas and the function of particular words. Capital letters Capitals are required for: • proper nouns — Sally, Brisbane • proper adjectives — a Chinese restaurant • beginnings of sentences • titles — The Courier-Mail. Capital letters can also be used to give emphasis to the writing — “NO!” he screamed. End marks A full stop is required at the end of a declarative or imperative sentence. A question mark follows an interrogative sentence. An exclamation mark follows an exclamatory sentence. • The crocodile chased the boys. (declarative) • Don’t touch that book. (imperative) • How are you going to get to the other side? (interrogative) • This piece of writing is GREAT! (exclamative) As students develop their understanding of sentences, particularly when they start to build elaborated or sophisticated clause complexes, they may for a short time lose their sense of where the sentence boundaries are. Apostrophes Apostrophes should be used to show: • possessive singular nouns — sister’s hat • possessive plural nouns — students’ bags. Plural nouns that do not end in s are punctuated in the same way as singular nouns — children’s • the letters left out of a contraction — isn’t (is not). Commas Commas tell the reader to pause between words and thus to keep ideas separate. They can be used to: • separate the simple sentences in compound sentences — Some students were having lunch, but others were playing. • separate an initial subordinate clause from the main clause: After studying hard, I retired. • separate ideas in a list — Apples, peaches, apricots and grapes are grown in Stanthorpe. • mark out a noun or noun phrase in apposition — Napoleon, Emperor of France, institutionalised many of the reforms from the French revolution. • separate introductory words such as Well, … Yes, …, So, … from the remainder of the clause. Semicolons These are used where a strong pause is needed but where the ideas are still strongly related and form part of the same sentence — A burning twig snapped in the stove; the kettle hummed in an undertone. They can also be used in sentences that are constructed as a list — Multi-coloured umbrellas were going up – tilting at the sun; beach towels were being spread out; children were running everywhere. Colons Colons introduce a list or a quotation. They are also used where an author wants to clarify or expand on an idea — He turned his horse and headed for home, tearing at breakneck speed down the narrow road: the very road he had just travelled. (clarification) Her mother entered the room and was struck by an overwhelming feeling of loneliness: something to do with the book. (elaboration) Colons are often replaced by a dash: And the murderer was still there — in this very room, creeping towards him in the dark. 74 | Grammar notes Ellipsis marks are used to: Marks of elision (ellipsis) • show where words have been omitted from an expression or thought • increase suspense or a sense of mystery — He stopped short, suddenly realising Quotation marks • the names of short works or parts of a whole work. Titles of large, self-contained works are something … There were no taps in there. These are used to indicate: normally underlined/italicised, but quotation marks may be used too. • boundaries of quotations taken from other sources • the speaker’s exact words in direct speech — “Where”, asked the tourist, “is the turn-off to the Black Stump?” The punctuation marks relating to the words quoted belong inside the quotation marks. Direct speech and “paragraphing” — When a new speaker begins, the convention is to begin a new line. Knowledge of this convention does not mean that a student knows how to construct proper paragraphs with an internal structure. Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 75 Section 5 – Glossary This glossary is provided to clarify the terms used on the marking grids. Absorbed prefixes These are prefixes where the spelling of the consonant in the prefix has been altered so that it is assimilated or absorbed into the spelling of the sound at the beginning of the base word e.g. ad+tract = attract, in+legal = illegal. Inflection This is the change of form that words undergo to mark distinctions of number, person, active/passive verb form and tense. Reference is the relation of a word to what it describes. Nouns refer to things/persons, verbs to processes/actions, adjectives to qualities/properties of things and adverbs to qualities/properties of actions. Controlled reference is vital to communication. Pronoun reference Sentence The ability to make pronoun references is an important stage of growth. Pronouns can be referenced to nouns or noun groups that come before or after the pronoun. The referent can also be outside the text. Writers need to develop their awareness of how long the distance between the pronoun and its referent can be as well as how and when to redefine the referent when multiple pronoun strings appear in the text. A sentence is a unit of meaning. At its simplest, it is made up of one or more noun and verb groups. A simple sentence has a subject, verb and predicate. Compound sentences consist of at least two main clauses coordinated by and, or, for, but, nor, so and yet. A complex sentence has one main clause and at least one subordinate clause. Markers should attend to the variety and the complexity of sentence forms used in a script. Pre-phonemic stage of spelling development Spelling (Bear & Templeton) This is the first stage of students’ learning to spell. It marks the emergence of an understanding of our orthographic system. During this stage, children write by using strings of letters, letter-like symbols and/or numbers to represent words. Semi-phonemic stage of spelling development This is the second stage of spelling development in which students show their awareness that letters are used to represent the sounds of language. In this stage students may represent the sounds that seem most dominant to them, e.g. BD (bed). Correct order of sounds may not be a feature of the spelling in this stage. Letter-name or alphabetic stage of spelling This is a stage of development that marks the beginning of conventional spelling. Letter–name spellers spell in a linear, sound-by-sound way, writing down the sounds they hear. In its earliest stages, this may mean they write only the first and last sounds, BAK (bake). By the middle of this stage students put a vowel in most syllables, BAKR (baker), and by the end of it they represent the dominant sounds they hear, CORT (caught). Also by the end of this stage, they can map the sounds in short vowel words of the type consonant-vowel-consonant (CVC). An indication of students’ ability to move to the next level is their ability to spell words with nasal consonants like jump or bunch. 76 | Glossary Syllable juncture stage of spelling The earliest task at this stage is to understand consonant doubling.Toward the middle of this stage of development, students focus on the conventions and affixes for turning verbs into nouns. At the same time, teachers will engage with common prefixes and the construction of plurals. Students also examine the stress patterns within words, e.g. how a change in stress in words like con’tract/contract; re’cord/record changes the syntactic and semantic functions of the words. This is the beginning of understanding the spelling–meaning connection in spelling. Within–word pattern stage of spelling As the name suggests, students spelling at this level pay closer attention to the vowels within syllables. They begin to examine the long vowel patterns within words. This improves efficiency in both reading and writing. In the early stages students may choose a possible but incorrect spelling of a long vowel pattern — leeve (leave). By the middle stages, students can spell words with common long-vowel patterns correctly — same, hope (CVCe); train, peel, coat (CVVC); hay, tea, toe (CVV). In the latter stages, students begin to focus on the spelling of long vowel patterns in multi-syllable words. Derivational pattern stage of spelling In this stage, orthographic knowledge is focused on how words share common derivations. Spellers learn that the meaning and spelling of word parts remain constant across different words. Students begin to examine common prefixes and suffixes. They study the meaning of root and base words as well as the classical origins of the derivational morphology. During this stage of development, students learn how such patterns as vowel and consonant alternation make the spelling of words predictable. Syllables These are units of spoken language that consist of a vowel sound with one or more consonant sounds preceding or following it. Markers should attend especially to the spelling at syllable junctions. Tenor and tone Although we talk about the tenor of an argument as being its trend or tendency, the word tenor is also used to refer to the attitude of the writer to the reader. It is close in meaning to tone, which usually refers narrowly to the degree of formality of an utterance. Tense This is a distinction of form in a verb that locates an action in time relative to the “here and now” of the speaker. Markers should note the students’ ability to maintain consistent past or present tense, especially where they use more ambitious sentence forms. Inappropriately informal writing sometimes drifts into a present tense associated with oral recounts. (Personal) Voice Voice is the personality of the writer coming out on the page. It is a quality that gives writing its flavour and sense of uniqueness. At its best, voice gives readers the feeling that an author is communicating directly with them. A strong sense of voice becomes apparent when a writer writes with honesty and conviction. This notion is unrelated to grammatical voice, which refers to the active and passive ways to construct sentences. Queensland Studies Authority 2011 | 77 Queensland Studies Authority 154 Melbourne Street, South Brisbane PO Box 307 Spring Hill QLD 4004 Australia T +61 7 3864 0299 F +61 7 3221 2553 www.qsa.qld.edu.au
