Download Rough Draft Partner Study Harris Burdick

Rough Draft Partner Study: Mystery Story
1. T-Unit Analysis: A “T-Unit” is a thought unit or how many words and phrases you
embed in one sentence and it still “makes sense”.
Partner Check: Count how many words are in each the first ten sentences:
Sentence
1
Sentence
2
Sentence
3
Sentence
4
Sentence
5
Sentence
6
Sentence
7
Sentence
8
Sentence
9
Sentence
10
Total:
Average
Divide
by 10
NUMBER 2: ZOOM AND LAYER:
STEP 1Imagine you are a photographer viewing at
least FOUR of your sentences through a camera
zoom lens. Look for specific details—details that
you want to capture and use in the next step.
This zoom lens is unique. It allows you to examine
visual details that you can see and imaginary
details that you can’t see or hear. With this zoom
lens, you can also use your imagination to describe
things you can’t actually see.
Step 2: PAINT WITH GRAMMAR BRUSHSTROKES:
Paint with a Participle: Review how this
author zoomed and layered with participle
phrases:
Struggling with each sledgehammer
kick of the bull, holding tight with one
hand, the cowboy fought to stay on long
enough to win.
Paint with absolute phrases:
An absolute is a noun followed
by ING, ED, With or other
phrases.
The volcano erupted violently, molten lava ravaging the mountainside, smoke
clouds smothering the wildlife
3, Paint with an appositive. An appositive is a noun renaming a noun.
The raccoon, a clever scavenger, loves to hunt turtle eggs on dark spring nights.
4. Paint with adjectives out of order: The white horse, muscular and fearless,
galloped across the dusty field.
Placing two of the adjectives after the noun horse creates a spotlight, giving the
adjectives a more profound quality.
5. Strong Verbs: Active vs. Passive Tense:
Try this experiment. Close your eyes and visualize this sentence:
The gravel road was on the left side of the barn.
Now visualize the following sentence:
The gravel road curled around the left side of the barn.
Can you see the difference? The verb was creates a still photograph. The verb curled
creates a motion picture. Verbs are cameras that deliver images to your imagination.
“Being” verbs can weaken images by freezing the action, while action verbs create
motion pictures. Therefore, in the majority of sentences, authors prefer action verbs.
The most common being verbs include is, was, were, are, and am. Almost all other
verbs are active verbs:
Visualize the difference in the motion picture of your imagination as you compare
these two drafts, both written by Shawn Jividen. The first is from a rough draft of
her novel Goose Moon. The second is her final revision after eliminating being verbs.
FIRST DRAFT_ Underline the verbs of TO BE: AM, IS, ARE, WAS, WERE, BE,
BEING, BEEN.
Rockwell was a beautiful lake. Canada geese could be heard across the water bugling
like tuneless trumpets. Near the shore, two children were hidden behind a massive
maple tree. Watching quietly, they hoped to see the first gosling begin to hatch. Tiny
giggles escaped their whispers of excitement.
NOW SEE HOW THIS AUTHOR ELIMINATED VERBS OF ‘TO BE” AND CREATED A
MORE POWERFUL IMAGES
FINAL DRAFT
Rockwell Lake echoed with the sounds of Canada geese. Their honking bugled
across the water like tuneless trumpets. Two children hid behind a massive maple
tree. They silently watched, hoping to see the first gosling hatch. Tiny giggles
escaped their whispers of excitement.
PARTNER CHECK: CIRCLE OTHER DEAD WORDS: have, has, had, get, got, went,
started to, nice, good, great, guy,
PARNTER CHECK: REMEMBER: NTSCBWTSM. Underline any words that repeat in
the first line.
REVISE A MINIMUM OF FOUR SENTENCES: ZOOM AND LAYER. ADD STRONG
VERBS AND PHRASES YOU HAVE CAPTURED FROM YOUR WRITING:
Attach another sheet of paper and write at least five sentences you have revised by
using brushstrokes: Participles, absolute phrases, adjectives out of order, and
appositive, strong verbs. ) Highlight your original sentence in the story)
The real art of writing is revision. Now that you have analyzed your sentence length,
what new thoughts do you have about creating sentences?
Now that you have analyzed your verbs of TO BE and other dead words that weaken
your images, what insight do you have about this piece of writing and how you will
improve it?
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REVISE YOUR FIRST DRAFT and TYPE by Friday: Include a minimum of FOUR zoom
and layered sentences, eliminate verbs of TO BE, us AAAWUBBIS (although, as, after,
when, until, before, because, if and since) to solve NTSCBWTSW, Use FANBOYS for
conjunctions: For, and, nor, but, or, yet and so. If you can, print me TWO copies.
One for the wall and one for me to assess.w