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Writing Research Session 1: reader-centred writing, basic skills and editing Part of Celebrating Research month at JCU Convenor: Liz Tynan JCU Graduate Research School 13 September 2011 Some opening thoughts “I do not like to write - I like to have written.” American writer Gloria Steinem “…a horrible, exhausting struggle, like a long bout of some painful illness.” English writer George Orwell Data gathering is only half the story Bad writing can slow down or prevent the publication of good research. Researchers can gather excellent data but unless that data can be turned into good writing, its importance can be lost. Darwin didn’t like writing either …a naturalist’s life would be a happy one if he only had to observe and never to write. Charles Darwin (Fortunately he did get around to doing some writing, however) The guiding principle of clarity 1 Clarity relies upon a robust understanding of the rules and conventions of English expression. Clear, grammatical and well-punctuated sentences transmit thought to the audience without confusion. Every sentence carries the possibility both of clear communication & of serious misunderstanding. Clarity needs strong writing and editing skills. Editing holds each word, phrase, clause, sentence and paragraph to the flame. The guiding principle of clarity 2 Another consequence of the iron rule of clarity is that you have to be exactly clear what you want to say. Ensure this inner understanding by beginning writing earlier rather than later in the process. Clarity comes from moving words around both in your head and on the page. The guiding principle of clarity 3 Question lazy but pervasive habits, such as overuse of jargon and hackneyed expressions. Readers respond to fresh expression. New ideas demand fresh writing, and fresh writing aids clarity. Sentences that fail the clarity test A large mass of literature has accumulated on the cell walls of staphylococci. The resulting disease has been described in detail in salmon. This book includes discussion of shock and renal failure in separate chapters. [Professor Colin Woolf] presented evidence that women who smoke are likely to have pulmonary abnormalities and impaired lung function at the annual meeting of the American Lung Association. (Examples from Robert A Day, How to Write and Publish a Scientific Paper, fifth edition, Oryx Press, Westport, 1998, p. 203.) The reader-centred approach Detach yourself from your work to empathise with your readers. Imagine one individual and write for that person. It is your job to make the meaning clear, not the reader’s job to interpret meaning. The reader is the most important person in this communication transaction. “What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure.” Samuel Johnson What academic readers want A clear summary at the beginning (the abstract) An introduction and conclusion to match Clear definitions of terms Clearly presented evidence and reasoning Concise writing Concrete, not abstract, writing No jargon, circumlocution, tautology or clichés Good use of English: grammar, spelling, punctuation and style Grammar Good English usage is essential for good research writing. You can’t fully control your writing without understanding the basic logic and technicalities of language. Parts of speech Noun Adjective Verb Adverb Preposition Pronoun Conjunction Interjection Plus their equivalents: adjectival phrase, adverbial clause, etc Numbers, cases, voices, persons and moods Two “numbers”: singular and plural; Five “cases”: particularly subject (nominative), object (accusative) and possessive (genitive); Three “persons”: first, second & third; Two “voices”: active and passive; Five “moods”: indicative (or declarative), subjunctive (or optative), imperative, interrogative and infinitive. …and tenses English verbs have 15 “tenses”. The large number of verbal tenses ensures that nuanced action can be reported in sentences. Today we will only consider the basics of past, present and future. Nouns and their cases All the cases relate to nouns and their relative position in a sentence. When a noun is in the nominative case it is the subject of the sentence. Placing the grammatical subject at the start ensures the most efficient information delivery system. Begin your sentences with strong key words and not strings of dead words. Pronouns Pronouns such as I, we, it, him, her, their, this and many others are useful for making the language flow more smoothly. The noun to which a pronoun refers is known as its antecedent. Floating pronouns Problems arise when pronouns float around without an obvious antecedent, which is why it may be unwise to use them to start a sentence. Consider this example: The rise in the dollar has been marked by reduced exports in the cattle industry. This has worried some economists. Does this say that the rise in the dollar or the reduced exports have worried economists? Verbs and tenses The finite verb shows whether the action is taking place in the past, present or future. Sentences can only be animated by finite verbs. No English sentence, at least in three of the four moods, can properly exist without at least one noun and one verb, in direct relationship to each other. Verbs of many tenses wrote [past] writes [present] will write [future] he had written (past perfect) he is writing (present continuous) he will be writing (future continuous) Consistency of tense Changing tenses randomly is annoying for the reader and may be confusing. Have a firm of idea of what the dominant tense in the piece of writing should be. Some academic papers are in the past tense, some are in the present and some dabble in the future tense. Aim for consistency. Classic declarative sentence The classical sentence construction is “subject-verb-object”, often shortened to SVO. For example: “Annette writes the paper.” The verb connects the topic of sentence, Annette, to the thing being acted upon, the object, also known as the predicate, or comment, or “accusative case”. In this sentence, the object is “the paper”. Efficient delivery system The SVO sentence is the essential information delivery system in English. The logical simplicity of the SVO sentence allows simple but powerful prose. Verb power To be correct, sentences have to be powered by a finite verb. In our SVO example, the finite verb is “writes”. It can be changed to indicate past, present or future tense: wrote, writes, will write. A common error A common error is attempting to use the word “being” as the driving force of the sentence. This construction is wrong: This being the ideal environment for coral. Fixing the error The word “being” is not be able to create an SVO sentence. It can become be grammatical if it is part of a bigger sentence: The seawater around the reef is pristine, this being the ideal environment for coral. Other ways to fix it Another way would be to change the verb to something suitable. For example: This is the ideal environment for coral. Even better, considering the need to emphasise the grammatical subject, to avoid a floating pronoun and to provide the extra information would be: Coral grows best in pristine seawater. More complicated sentences Complex sentences: a main clause and attached sub-ordinate clause/s Compound sentences: contains clauses of equal grammatical status. Limit your sentences to no more than two or three clauses. If your sentence has six clauses, you will have to restructure it. Complex sentences Subordinate clauses are joined to the main clause either by a conjunction or by a semi-colon: “The Prime Minister yesterday announced a sweeping review of the 1992 Broadcasting Act, though it was unlikely to reform the sector.” Compound sentences “The Prime Minister yesterday announced a sweeping review of the 1992 Broadcasting Act and the Communications Minister established an enquiry into the commercial radio sector.” In this case both clauses can stand alone grammatically, once you remove the “and”. This can’t happen with the subordinate clause. Subject-verb agreement The subject of a sentence must “agree” with the finite verb of the sentence. Singular subject = singular verb Plural subject = plural verb. The lawyer discusses her strategy. …and not: The lawyer discuss her strategy. Most people with a reasonable grasp of English will have no problem understanding SV agreement here. Less clear-cut S-V agreement What happens when the sentence is less clear-cut? Consider these sentences: The bittersweet flavour of youth – its trials, its joys, its adventures, its challenges – are not soon forgotten. OR The bittersweet flavour of youth – its trials, its joys, its adventures, its challenges – is not soon forgotten. Active and passive voice “Annette writes the paper”: active voice, because it follows the SVO construction. “The paper is written by Annette”: passive voice. What was the object now starts the sentence. The former subject (Annette) is now called the agent – “by Annette”. You must add in a new word to the verb, in this case “is”, to preserve the original meaning. The original verb also changes, from writes to written. Sometimes passive voice is necessary Passive voice guarantees a more wordy sentence: passive verbs are always at least two words. But you can’t always avoid passive voice. It may be necessary if the active subject is unknown or not easily stated: “Walter’s father was killed in the Second World War”. In this case, there can be no “agent” because we don’t have enough information to be able to say who carried out the action of the sentence. It can be used to conceal Sometimes, even when the “agent” is known, it is not stated. Passive voice can be used to distance the writer from the reader and from responsibility for the action in the sentence. For example: “The hospital beds have been shut down.” No agent stated, so no-one has responsibility. Maybe the sentence could correctly be rendered as: “The hospital beds have been shut down by the Health Department.” …in which case it could be rewritten in active voice as: “The Health Department shut down the hospital beds.” How can you tell what the voice is? You can usually identify a passive voice sentence if it has a compound verb like “was written” and if the word “by” is used to indicate the passive agent. However, in sentences where the subject is not known or where the agent is being concealed the word “by” is not used. Distorted passive 1. Acid-etching removed the rust. Active voice acceptable 2. The rust was removed by acid etching. Passive voice - acceptable 3. Removal of the rust was facilitated by acidetching. DP - unacceptable The problem with sentence 3 is that the real verb that shows the action (remove) is lost in a weak noun (removal), so another verb must be supplied. Rewriting distorted passive Check for a weak verb such as facilitated, undertaken etc. Find the hidden verb earlier in the sentence (in our example it was “remove” from the noun removal). Use this hidden verb as a direct verb in the sentence. Apostrophes Apostrophes are used: To indicate contraction: “It’s [It is] a pity that people don’t [do not] care about apostrophes.” To show possession (in nouns, not pronouns): “The editor’s lament” for singular; “The editors’ lament” for plural. Beware the greengrocers’ apostrophe Apple’s, pear’s, avocado’s The iron rule Simple plurals never need an apostrophe. Look at a word and see whether it is a contraction or a possessive and then apply the apostrophe accordingly. If the word is neither of these things, do not use an apostrophe. Grrrr Also common is leaving out apostrophes when they are clearly needed, such as: The prawns whiskers The projects results The managers decisions. They must be edited to the correct versions: The prawn’s whiskers/The prawns’ whiskers The project’s results/The projects’ results The manager’s decisions/The managers’ decisions Not needed here Modern Australian style dictates that you do not use an apostrophe in, for example, the 1970s or to show the plural of acronyms such as QCs or MPs. Here, just a lower case “s” is sufficient and it keeps it simple and elegant. Possessive apostrophes Possessive pronouns such as its, his, hers, ours, theirs, yours never have an apostrophe. In “The cat chased its tail” the possessive pronoun “its” does not have an apostrophe. Consider whether the word “its” is a contraction, in which case it must have an apostrophe, or whether it is possessive, in which case there is no apostrophe. Commas Commas are used to separate ideas in a sentence and to otherwise make meaning clear. They provide natural pauses within a sentence, to regulate rhythm in ways that assist meaning. Commas can make meaning The trend in standard Australian English is to cut down on commas where possible. However, commas can change the meaning of a sentence: The politicians, who liked to talk, were appointed to the committee. The politicians who liked to talk were appointed to the committee. Rules of comma use To avoid ambiguity: “When the father finished washing, the children went to the beach.” Between adjectives before a noun: A large, black van. In a list to separate the elements: The basic stages of writing an article are: outlining, researching, drafting, checking and confirming facts, redrafting and editing. To distinguish parenthetical words and phrases: My view, therefore, is that editors should always be consistent. Parenthetical commas Pay special attention to parenthetical words and phrases. Commas must always be used in pairs in this case. You cannot open such a phrase with a comma and not close it. In “My view, therefore, is that editors should always be consistent”, not placing the second comma after “therefore” would be grammatically incorrect. Do you need a pair of commas? See if the word or phrase could be taken out without damaging the grammatical integrity of the sentence. If it can be taken out, then you must use two commas around it. No comma between S and V You must not let a comma stand between a grammatical subject and its verb: “A grammatical subject links strongly to its verb.” Do not write: “A grammatical subject, links strongly to its verb.” A small complication… The complication arises when you are inserting a descriptive phrase: “The woman, who was increasingly impatient, waited in line.” The grammatical subject, “the woman” does have a comma after it. The commas enclose a parenthetical phrase that could be taken out without disrupting the grammar of the sentence Commas after linking devices Similarly, On the other hand, In conclusion, Therefore, In fact, That is, More importantly, Namely, Of course, Furthermore, Put simply, Semi-colons The semi-colon substitutes for a conjunction, as well as separating elements of a list. It is not interchangeable with commas. “Mary Shelley’s works are entertaining; they are full of engaging ideas.” Here the semi-colon is taking the place of a conjunction such as “because”. A related function They can be used to separate two thoughts in a compound sentence. For example: “They failed to convince the jury; however, the judge issued a suspended sentence.” Another way of expressing this information would be in two separate sentences. However, wanting the two facts to be placed together in a sentence is legitimate and this is the way to do it. Don’t use a comma. Colons A colon informs the reader that what follows proves and explains, or simply provides elements of, what is referred to before: “The system is designed to be foolproof: a user cannot access the system without three different user names and five passwords.” The material after the colon explains how the system is foolproof, providing back-up to the first part of the sentence. Quotation marks (inverted commas) Consistency is important. Stick with either single or double marks throughout your academic paper. Familiarise yourself with the style guides of the journals you write for. Some insist on single quote marks, others on double quote marks. Don’t mix them randomly in the same sentence. Quotes within quotes She said, “I think Lynne Truss is right when she says ‘It’s tough being a stickler for punctuation these days’.” Note that the quote within a quote is completed inside the sentence, so you close that quote before you close the larger quote. Editing mindstates These are the varied forms of focus that enable you to do effective edits. They involve a lofty view of the big picture: the whole meaning, the logic and structure of the piece. You then switch to a different state to investigate the fine detail, looking at each word individually. Stage 1: substance Review the whole document to examine substance. Read through as though you are new to the topic and ask yourself at the end what you have obtained from the writing. Ensure that the concept is correctly and logically in place and that the piece of writing works to honour its intentions. Your overall aim You are looking for cohesion, context and depth. Does the whole document actually make sense? Do the individual sections make sense? Does the reader know more at the end of the document than at the start? Have the stated intentions of the piece been fulfilled? Were you left with nagging unanswered questions at the end? Stage 2: structure The structure edit examines logical flow. Ensure that the introduction provides a roadmap to the whole document. Ensure that the sections exhibit a logical structure that aids the argument and that the reader can follow easily. Think about what the reader needs to know and expects from the document. Editing for structure An effectively written piece has coherency, internal logic and argument. Logic and intellectual sophistication come from good editing. You will see new patterns of information as you carry out a deep edit. Broad statements of theme should be set at the beginning, after which the document elaborates in a sensible order, from the general to the particular to the synthesis. Eliminate repetition The structure edit also involves tracking down and eliminating needless repetition. While there is a place for repeating points, just absently saying the same thing again has to go. A good structure is streamlined and lean. Stage 3: language pedantry The next editing state of mind is the word-by-word read. Think about each word, each phrase, each clause and each sentence. Ensure that each word is fulfilling its grammatical function. Look for: Subject-verb agreement Correct use of pronouns, including care with pronoun antecedents and ensuring there are no “floating” pronouns Correct use of prepositions Correct use of verbs Elimination of dangling or hanging modifiers Avoid using nouns instead of verbs Using nouns instead of verbs can be longwinded. For example: “The factory will begin production of more engines next year.” Make this stronger and simpler: “The factory will produce more engines from next year.” More examples X: Territory size was found to vary with population density. √: Territory size varied with population density. X: The typhoon had the effect of a destructive force on the manufacturing industry. √: The typhoon destroyed the manufacturing industry. X: The data provided supporting evidence for the results of Jones et al. √: The data supported Jones et al.’s results. Eliminate redundancies all of all-time record at this moment in time both shared completely full completely destroyed consensus of opinion early pioneer first origins for him personally future plans general consensus in actual fact •including for example •estimated at about •final outcome •essential condition •integrated together •join together •living memory •long period of time •original source •past history •4pm in the afternoon •blue in colour •four hectares of land •new innovation Flabby vs slim Flabby a large portion a number of behind schedule filled to capacity gained entrance to in addition to in close proximity in excess of in order to in short supply in spite of the fact in the near future made an approach to owing to the fact that previous to the majority of Slim much many, several late full got in also, too, and, besides, as well near more than to scarce though/although soon approached since or because before most Abstract vs concrete Abstract: Prosthetics have advanced beyond mere substitution to the ability to restore function. Concrete: Prosthetics have advanced beyond wooden legs and glass eyes to new devices, such as cochlea implants for the ears, which restore the patient’s use of the missing or defective body part. A closing thought for now… A writer is unfair to himself when he is unable to be hard on himself. American writer Marianne Moore