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Communication
at Work
Janaki Severy
Managing Dynamics
206-478-7173
[email protected]
Managing Dynamics
Desired Outcomes

Be curious about what is underneath the iceberg

Learn about trust

Learn how to create rapport..

Use communication that is consistently effective.

Recognize and deal with challenges.

Learn how to influence/persuade.

Deal effectively with challenging people.
Managing Dynamics
The Circle of Knowing
What You Don’t Know
You Don’t Know
Change and Work

Change often causes stress

Changes often shift productivity

Change often distracts us

Change requires we learn new things

Change can cause lack of confidence

Change can require doing things differently

Doing things differently takes more time

We see that everyone adapts at different speeds

We have less patience

We judge more quickly

We can get defensive
Managing Dynamics
Communication is….
the creation of meaning in the mind of one person
stimulated by the words and actions of another.
Sender
Message
Receiver
REACTION TO
THE:
Ideas
Feelings
Intentions
Needs
Attitude interpretation
Goals
Values
Ideas
Feelings
Intention
Needs
Attitude towards you
Goal expectations
Value translation
RESULTING IN MEANING
Interpretation Determines Understanding
Common Myths
About Communication
1.
When I say things, others will
understand and respond as I
want them to.
2.
People attend primarily to the
message I am sending; my
words and actions are what
count.
3.
4.
Rather...
1.
People understand what their
internal voices tell them, then their
response is affected by their
perception
2.
Meaning is created, not transmitted.
My actions stimulate meaning, not
always what I sent; they control
interpretation.
Communication is relatively
simple and under the control of 3.
the communicators.
Communication takes place
only when I intend it to.
4.
Communication is complex;
misunderstanding is the rule, not the
exception.
All behavior is communication.
Communication Requires Listening

Listening lays foundations for clear understanding

Clear understanding allows appropriate responses

Appropriate responses facilitates high-quality
communication

High quality communication = organizational
cooperation

Organizational cooperation improves employee
morale

High morale increases job commitment

Job commitment leads to peak productivity.

Listening is good business
Building Blocks of Trust
 Consistency and clear communication
 Understanding everyone’s role and how you
interface with each other
 Recognizing your own issues and triggers
 Willingness to tackle awkward situations
 Using communication practices that improve
understanding
 Unwavering attention to demonstrating trusting
behaviors
 Believing that people are trust-worthy
Who You work with and for?
Communication style/need/emotional intensity?
2.5
DOMINANT
A Dominant May Want:
Authority, challenges, prestige, freedom,
varied activities, difficult assignments,
logical approach, opportunity for
advancement.
INFLUENCING
An Influencer May Want:
Social recognition, popularity, people to
talk to, freedom of speech, freedom
from control and detail, favorable
working conditions, recognition of
abilities, to help others, chance to
motivate people.
STEADY
A Steady May Want:
Security, no sudden changes, personal
attention, less responsibility, exact job
descriptions, controlled work
environment, status quo, reassurance, to
be part of a group.
CAUTIOUS
A Cautious May Want:
Status quo, security of situation, time to
adjust, appreciation, identification with
group, work pattern, limited territory,
areas of specialization.
DISC Responses to Stimuli . . .
How We Are Likely to Respond to
People, Events, Environments
E
N
D
U
R
I
N
G
“I”
“D”
DIRECT
INTERPERSONAL BEHAVIORAL RESPONSES
INDIRECT
INTERPERSONAL BEHAVIORAL RESPONSES
“C”
“S”
F
L
E
X
I
B
L
E
DISC-presentation
The “BOTTOM LINE” Perspective
“D”
…rides the “B.L.”
(How to get results!)
“C”
…thinks the “B.L.”
(How to make sure it works!)
“I”
…sells the “B.L.”
(How to get others
to “buy” your
perspective!)
“S”
…works for the “B.L.”
(How to handle the
task details!)
DISC-presentation
“OVEREXTENSIONS” of DISC Behavior
“I”
“…TALKS TOO
MUCH”
“S”
“…AGREES
TOO MUCH”
“C”
“…QUESTIONS
TOO MUCH”
“D”
“…DIRECTS
TOO MUCH”
DISC-presentation
Interpersonal Communications
If they are a……..
D: Be brief, concise, state bottom line
I: Be optimistic, alert to new ideas,
approaches
S: Allow time, respect tradition, process,
set dead lines, focus on “service” to
group
C: Provide facts, do your homework,
minimize risks, move slowly/seek
clarification
Behavioral “How’s” of Communication ??
 Eye contact
 Body posture
( It depends )
(Read whole person)
 Gestures (Do they really mean that?)
 Facial expression
(Depends on type)
 Voice tone, inflection, volume?
Managing Dynamics
Plan How to ask for What you Want
1.
Clarify your goal.
2.
Identify your feelings, thoughts, and
underlying assumptions.
3.
Explore the alternatives.
4.
Evaluate the risk/possible consequences.
5.
Carefully decide what you will say and how you will say it.
6.
Deliver the message
7.
Evaluate the results.
Managing Dynamics
Bridging
How to Establish and Gain Rapport
Managing Dynamics
Two Fundamental World Maps
Separate
Related

Seeing parts -- fragmented

Seeing whole -- systemic

I am separate
Fear
Ego-centered

I am related
Caring
Cooperative

How do I maximize winning
and avoid losing?

How do I (we) learn to create
what I (we) need?

Seek approval
Be nice; manage impressions

Be authentic
Forward purposeful action

Convince; avoid
disagreements and upsetting
people

Question assumptions and see
disagreements as an
opportunity

Monopolize air time
Protect turf
Competition

Build shared meaning
Build bridges
Cooperation










Pacing Opens Receptivity
 The purpose of pacing is to build rapport by
maximizing similarities.
 Rapport is the first and most critical ingredient
of the entire persuasion/trust process.
 Pacing allows you to gain trust and build
relationship with a person.
 When people are in rapport, they often trust
more and unconsciously allow the other
person to influence them.
Managing Dynamics
Pacing Benefits and Types
 Two types of pacing
 Direct: matching actual
language/words
Word choice is also matched on the
phone
 Complementary: matching intensity
Critical skill on the phone
Managing Dynamics
Methods of Pacing
 Verbal pacing
 Match the word choice and word type of
the person.
 Vocal pacing
 Match the pitch, rhythm, and intensity of
the voice of the person.
 Non-verbal pacing (if in-person)
 Match the rhythm and movements of the
person.
Managing Dynamics
Using Tie-Down Words/Phrases
 People use words that have meaning to
them to describe their emotional state.
These words will have a stronger tone or
emphasis than their other words.
 Note their words, get their meaning, and use their
language.
 If the person says, “I’m so frustrated,” and doesn’t
do a thorough job of explaining why, use their
word (“frustrated”) and say, “Tell me what is
frustrating you.” This allows you to learn “their
meaning”.
Managing Dynamics
Using Empathetic Words and Phrases
 Help the person to feel fully heard
before you ask for what you want.
 Thanks for sharing your frustration about this. I
have some different ideas, would you like to
hear them?
 I understand this is upsetting to you. It is to me
too. What can we do to correct this?
 It seems we see things differently. Let’s find a
way to work towards a common perspective
 I think we both heard something different. Let’s
share what we both heard and decide what will
meet our outcome
Managing Dynamics
Pacing and Listening
Activity
To get the feel for in-person pacing, find a
partner and match their voice, tone, and
body movements. Then switch and have
the other person match you.
 Discuss how this would transfer to pacing on the
phone. How about in email?
 What could you match to make the person feel
connected to you?
Managing Dynamics
Further Bridging
Gathering High-Quality Information
and Dealing with Feelings
Managing Dynamics
Before you ask for what you want.
 Be curious rather than be right.
 Ask the person to “tell you” about the situation,
instead of presume you know.
 Take notes on what they say (use their exact
language) and repeat back to them what they
said.
 Recognize that every person does things for a
reason. It is their reason, not your reason.
 If they have done something that irritates you,
ask yourself,
“What is it about this person that I can’t see
and don’t understand that would cause them
to behave this way?”
Managing Dynamics
Dealing with Your Feelings
Activity
 Deal with your stress to prevent
being triggered.
 List your known triggers.
 List what makes you most vulnerable to the
triggers (tired, many tough situations in a row,
not well, personal stuff).
 List your known resources (things you know
to do for yourself).
 Share with a neighbor and teach each other
one success strategy.
Managing Dynamics
Perception and Emotion and How They
Affect Communication
Managing Dynamics
Emotions Affect Thought

Human neural circuits are hardwired to sort 24/7 for danger.

Real or perceived danger triggers our limbic system or
midbrain, causing a flight/fight/paralysis response.

Perceived danger is screened 80,000 times faster than
other information.

Due to emotional primacy, people hear bad news first and
loudest.

Emotional radar subconsciously screens feedback we give
or receive for real or perceived danger.

If there is perceived danger, the emotional brain overrides
the logical brain and we become “emotionally hijacked.”
Managing Dynamics
Sympathetic and Parasympathetic
Managing Dynamics
Three Brains in One
Managing Dynamics
Reframing: Changing Meaning
 The meaning of any event depends on the
frame in which it is perceived.
 If you change the frame, you change the
meaning.
 If you change the other person’s frame of
reference, they will be more open to your
input and solutions.
Managing Dynamics
Reframing: Two Levels
 Internal reframing: reframe yourself to
generate more options and to produce
greater results.
 Check yourself for emotion from the last communication.
 Check yourself for judgment about the person and their
concerns.
 External reframing: reframe another to
consider other options and make a
commitment to a better one.
 Provide an opportunity for them to tell their story.
Managing Dynamics
Reframing Trust Principles
 Principle #1: People like people who like
them
 Find something about the person to appreciate, even if it’s
how clear they are about their anger.
 Treat the person the way you would want to be treated if you
were extremely disappointed or felt out of control.
 Principle #2: People have a need to fully
express themselves
 Create an experience that allows them to feel heard and
understood.
Managing Dynamics
3-Step Reframing Process
 Step 1: Deal with your feelings
 Step 2: Deal with the other person’s
feelings
 Step 3: Deal with the problem,
concern, or objection
Managing Dynamics
Dealing with Resistance
 The person is resisting something
not obvious to you or them
 They are not resisting you even if it
feels that way
 Resistance is an underlying
expression of employee’s concerns:
 Concerns over control
 Concerns over vulnerability
 It is usually not personal
 Discover the underlying concern
36
Levels of Resistance
 Avoid
 Tolerate
_____________
 Accept
 Understand
 Embrace
37
3 Critical Mistakes of Influence
1. Poor Rapport
2. Low Quality Information
3. Presenting Solutions Too Soon
38
Critical Principles of Persuasion
Principle 1:

People make decisions by subjective
experience (unconscious mind) and validate
with logic (conscious mind).
Principle 2:

People are more easily influenced by others
they perceive as similar to themselves.
Principle 3:

People have a need to feel fully understood.
Managing Dynamics
The Art of
Smarter Email
Focusing on
your inbox is
like driving a
different road….
Managing Dynamics
GOALS FOR EFFECTIVE EMAILS
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Simple
Convenient
Fast
Short Notes
Huge Files
Outcome Based
Drop Proof
If people
asked you
about the
relevance of
each email
you send,
could you
answer them?
Managing Dynamics
THINGS TO AVOID
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Hit “Reply All”
Spam
Jokes
Myths
Unnecessary
Sloppy
Embarrassing
Impolite
Mysterious
Break the Habit:
Hit reply or
forward…..
Then fill in the
addresses
Managing Dynamics
REMINDERS
• Remind others of NRN
No Reply Necessary
• Send Warnings, notices, advice, to
individuals, not the whole group
When I send an email to one person,
there is a 95% chance I will get a reply.
When I send to ten people, the chance
of a response drops to 5%
Managing Dynamics
MANAGING YOUR EMAILS
• Consider having a “No Email Friday”
• When overwhelmed and overloaded postpone
creating and sending important emails
• Be mindful of your timing
• Make sure your email delivers a relevant message
Businesses lose $650 million per
year in productivity as a direct
result of unnecessary e-mail
interruptions
Managing Dynamics
DE-MYSTIFY YOUR EMAILS
• Prioritize it
• Identify it
• Understand it
• Decide what to do with it
• Handle it
NRN
No Reply Necessary
RYN
Reply with “yes” or “no”
1QM
One Question Message
MQM Multiple Message
• File it
FYI
For Your Information
• Find it
EOM
End of Message
DNR2A Do Not Reply 2 Anyone
Managing Dynamics
ORGANIZE
•
•
•
•
Open with context and clarity
Use a smart/ informative subject line
Highlight the details
Finish with reminders, questions, or urgency
Managing Dynamics
WHEN DOES “CASUAL” BECOME
TOO CASUAL
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Sloppy ( unprofessional )
Harsh (insulting)
Silly (unprofessional)
Blasé (uncaring)
Off Color
Useless Communication
Unproductive
Embarassing
Managing Dynamics
WHEN EMAIL “IS NOT” THE ANSWER
1. Email caused the original problem
2. Things could get tense
3. The subject is complicated
4. You’re trying to convey “This is important”
5. You need an immediate reply
6. You want to keep it confidential
7. You have enormous files to attach
8. Your request isn’t crucial to the recipient
9. You haven’t spoken in a long time
10.You want to send a heartfelt thanks or apology
Managing Dynamics
EMAIL GOLDEN RULE !!!
Make sure you would be very comfortable
if your email dropped on the floor and
anyone “whether you knew them or not”,
picked it up and read it!
Managing Dynamics
Remember: Work with the Person,
then with the Problem
 Set the tone of conversation.
 Use pacing.
 Build rapport.
 Reframe communication to be more
positive.
 Ask for what you need/want
 Collaborate on solutions and then follow
through.
Managing Dynamics
Listen, Learn, and Understand
 Place yourself in the other person’s shoes
 Be curious and interested how they are doing
 Listen carefully and gather high-quality information
 Acknowledge their feelings and their right to have them
 Acknowledge their concern as they state them
 Summarize with understanding and move toward a
more useful perception