Download developing resiliency skills to manage emotions

Kevin Harrington, PhD
www.kevinharringtonphd.com
Joy
“Surely joy
is the
condition of
life.”
-Thoreau
Resilience
Keeping the
container full.
LIFE OF A TEENAGER
 Stress at home, school and peers
 Depression and anxiety increasing at an
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alarming rate
Increase in suicide
Sleep, nutrition, exercise
Social Media
Socially isolated
Monkey brain
What Erodes Resilience?
 Body Imbalance and Toxicity
 Monkey Brain
 Not feeling connected to others
Skills You Need Before You
Go
 Developing self-care skills
 Developing non-critical view of
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self(compassion for self)
Ability to delay gratification
Ability to self calm-self soothe
Cognitive flexibility Problem solving skills
Comfortable with failure
Internal locus of control Develop your dream
Mind-Body Heart Balance
What your teen needs from
you before leaving
 Building their ship
 Validating their ship anointing your teen
 Managing our anxiety Did I do a good job?
 Letting your teen struggle to develop internal
resources
 Helping your teen be comfortable with their
full range of emotions
 Nurturing their independence
MIND-BODY-HEART
BALANCE
BODY
MIND
Heart
emotions
BRAIN BASICS
 Back of brain-Reptilian Alert
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Flight/Flight/Freeze
Middle –Limbic system Emotional Hub High
Front- Judgment, planning, natural
intelligence (Continues to develop until 25)
Memory
Plasticity of the brain Developing new brain
pathways
MOVING TO THE FRONT OF
THE BRAIN
 Calming the Body Nutrition, sleep, exercise
BREATHE- BREATHE- BREATHE
 Calming the Thoughts Discrimination skill
“Turning off false alarms” “How big of deal is
it?”
 Calming the Emotions Triggering feelings of
calm, competence, mastery ”You have what it
takes”
 Calming the Spirit
PHYSICAL BALANCE
 Nutrition
 Sleep
 Exercise
 Physical stamina
 Energy level
 Physical complaints
BRAIN BALANCE
 Internal conversations about self and others
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Internal critic
Discrimination Skills- How big of deal is it?
Turning off false alarms.
Cognitive flexibility- thinking outside the box,
ability to focus, problem solving
Making a plan.
Positive expectancy Internal locus of control
EMOTIONAL BALANCE
 Self acceptance I am competent. I have what
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it takes.
Treat self with kindness
Forgiveness and Empathy
Gratitude and appreciation
Feeling I matter, I am delighted in, I am
chosen, I am cherished
Feeling connected-part of the group.
Triggers that set off your
alarm
 Your 3 biggest
triggers
 Signs you have been
triggered- physicalmental –emotional
 Signs your teen is
 Your teens 3 biggest
triggers
triggered
ADDING PAUSE
THROUGHOUT THE DAY
 Breathing throughout the day. Mini-breaks
 Setting an intention for the day. Declaring what
you want to grow
 Pairing breathing with reviewing plan
 Images associated with feelings you want to
grow Reinforcing your competence
Helping Your Teenager
Learn to Pause
 You pausing before each transition and
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discussion
Asking to talk in 5 minutes when asked a
question
Taking a break anytime anyone is over a 3
Are you sure you want to do that? (refusal)
Being clear about what is open for discussion
Stating what you want to happen with your
teenager
Pause
 Ways you can pause
 Ways to help your
teen pause
 Ways you can help
your parent pause
Emotional balance
 Emotional tsunamis
 Emotional regulation Interrupting the storm
 Being able to tolerate unpleasant emotions
 Triggering positive emotions
 What you focus on is what you grow TWO
WOLVES
 Learning to take a different path
 AUTO BIOGRAPHY
The Two Wolves
WHEN TO Help/When to
Back Away
 What happens if I help too much?
 What happens if I don’t help enough?
 Managing your anxiety
 How to give the message “You have what it
takes”
 Identifying push back as anxiety
 How to help your teen learn to manage their
anxiety
DEVELOPING CONNECTIONS
 Self- Compassion for self, non-judgmental
view of self, self-reflection, self correction
 Family- siblings, parents, extended family
MANDATORY FUN
 Peers- friends, classmates, neighbors,
teammates
 Community- neighborhood, city, country,
world, universe
TECHNOLOGY
 When is technology helpful?
 When does it drain resiliency?
 HELPFUL APPS
Developing New Brain
Pathways 51% Rule
 Develop a practice
 Mindfulness
 Quieting monkey brain
 Developing feelings of gratitude
 Developing feelings of connection
 Logistics Set yourself up for success One
minute meditation
MOVEMENT
 Add movement to your day
 Triggering the relaxation response
 Changes the energy
 Running, yoga, walking
 Homework time
TAKEAWAYS
 Mind-Body Heart Balance
 Turning off false alarms
 Adding pause and movement to your day
 Developing a non critical view of yourself
 Developing connections
TAKEAWAYS/PARENTS
 Same as teens
 Give the message “You have what it takes”
by standing back when appropriate
 Developing a ritual for time together
Kevin Harrington, PhD
www.kevinharringtonphd.com
612-766-9255