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Kevin Harrington, PhD www.kevinharringtonphd.com Joy “Surely joy is the condition of life.” -Thoreau Resilience Keeping the container full. LIFE OF A TEENAGER Stress at home, school and peers Depression and anxiety increasing at an alarming rate Increase in suicide Sleep, nutrition, exercise Social Media Socially isolated Monkey brain What Erodes Resilience? Body Imbalance and Toxicity Monkey Brain Not feeling connected to others Skills You Need Before You Go Developing self-care skills Developing non-critical view of self(compassion for self) Ability to delay gratification Ability to self calm-self soothe Cognitive flexibility Problem solving skills Comfortable with failure Internal locus of control Develop your dream Mind-Body Heart Balance What your teen needs from you before leaving Building their ship Validating their ship anointing your teen Managing our anxiety Did I do a good job? Letting your teen struggle to develop internal resources Helping your teen be comfortable with their full range of emotions Nurturing their independence MIND-BODY-HEART BALANCE BODY MIND Heart emotions BRAIN BASICS Back of brain-Reptilian Alert Flight/Flight/Freeze Middle –Limbic system Emotional Hub High Front- Judgment, planning, natural intelligence (Continues to develop until 25) Memory Plasticity of the brain Developing new brain pathways MOVING TO THE FRONT OF THE BRAIN Calming the Body Nutrition, sleep, exercise BREATHE- BREATHE- BREATHE Calming the Thoughts Discrimination skill “Turning off false alarms” “How big of deal is it?” Calming the Emotions Triggering feelings of calm, competence, mastery ”You have what it takes” Calming the Spirit PHYSICAL BALANCE Nutrition Sleep Exercise Physical stamina Energy level Physical complaints BRAIN BALANCE Internal conversations about self and others Internal critic Discrimination Skills- How big of deal is it? Turning off false alarms. Cognitive flexibility- thinking outside the box, ability to focus, problem solving Making a plan. Positive expectancy Internal locus of control EMOTIONAL BALANCE Self acceptance I am competent. I have what it takes. Treat self with kindness Forgiveness and Empathy Gratitude and appreciation Feeling I matter, I am delighted in, I am chosen, I am cherished Feeling connected-part of the group. Triggers that set off your alarm Your 3 biggest triggers Signs you have been triggered- physicalmental –emotional Signs your teen is Your teens 3 biggest triggers triggered ADDING PAUSE THROUGHOUT THE DAY Breathing throughout the day. Mini-breaks Setting an intention for the day. Declaring what you want to grow Pairing breathing with reviewing plan Images associated with feelings you want to grow Reinforcing your competence Helping Your Teenager Learn to Pause You pausing before each transition and discussion Asking to talk in 5 minutes when asked a question Taking a break anytime anyone is over a 3 Are you sure you want to do that? (refusal) Being clear about what is open for discussion Stating what you want to happen with your teenager Pause Ways you can pause Ways to help your teen pause Ways you can help your parent pause Emotional balance Emotional tsunamis Emotional regulation Interrupting the storm Being able to tolerate unpleasant emotions Triggering positive emotions What you focus on is what you grow TWO WOLVES Learning to take a different path AUTO BIOGRAPHY The Two Wolves WHEN TO Help/When to Back Away What happens if I help too much? What happens if I don’t help enough? Managing your anxiety How to give the message “You have what it takes” Identifying push back as anxiety How to help your teen learn to manage their anxiety DEVELOPING CONNECTIONS Self- Compassion for self, non-judgmental view of self, self-reflection, self correction Family- siblings, parents, extended family MANDATORY FUN Peers- friends, classmates, neighbors, teammates Community- neighborhood, city, country, world, universe TECHNOLOGY When is technology helpful? When does it drain resiliency? HELPFUL APPS Developing New Brain Pathways 51% Rule Develop a practice Mindfulness Quieting monkey brain Developing feelings of gratitude Developing feelings of connection Logistics Set yourself up for success One minute meditation MOVEMENT Add movement to your day Triggering the relaxation response Changes the energy Running, yoga, walking Homework time TAKEAWAYS Mind-Body Heart Balance Turning off false alarms Adding pause and movement to your day Developing a non critical view of yourself Developing connections TAKEAWAYS/PARENTS Same as teens Give the message “You have what it takes” by standing back when appropriate Developing a ritual for time together Kevin Harrington, PhD www.kevinharringtonphd.com 612-766-9255