Download the Answer and Commentary - HKU Faculty of Dentistry

“Write Expressions” Quiz
from Expressions 2010 issue 2
Answers and Commentary:
FYI
Texting (text messaging) has evolved its own conventions for fast, usually informal, communication.
Some abbreviations used in text messaging are as follows:
FYI
AFAIAA
JTLYK
BICBW
TPAE
BTW
YANETUT
W.
L.On 2
IYW
4 FOMO
BBFN
© T Lane
for your information
as far as I am aware
just to let you know
but I could be wrong
the possibilities are endless
by the way
you are not expected to understand this
wink
log on to
if you wish
for fear of missing out
bye bye for now
© Faculty of Dentistry, The University of Hong Kong
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Quick quiz
(but slow answer)
Planned, careful writing differs from spontaneous, informal spoken language. By making
terms in a sentence “parallel” when you write, you create sentence “harmony” and achieve a
clear, logical, unambiguous message. Rephrasing sentences can be tricky but interesting!
(1) Bad grammar is like having bad breath: you may not realise it until a friend tells you.
Here, the phrases being compared in the first part of the sentence are not parallel. The
sentence can be rewritten in two ways:
(a) Use similar noun phrases (adjective + noun) for both terms:
Bad grammar is like bad breath: you may not realise it until a friend tells you.
(b) Use matching verb participles (here, –ing verb forms, or gerunds) for both terms:
Using bad grammar is like having bad breath: you may not realise it until a friend tells
you.
(2) Bad breath can either be directly or indirectly caused by strongly flavoured food.
Here, the two options are not parallel. Paired (correlative) conjunctions such as either…or
need to appear in equivalent positions. Other examples of correlative conjunctions are
neither…nor, both…and, not only…but also, and whether…or. The sentence can be rewritten
in the following ways:
(a) Repeat be and place it after each term (either…or) so the two options both begin with
bare infinitive verbs:
Bad breath can either be directly or be indirectly caused by strongly flavoured food.
(b) Place be before the first conjunction so it also applies to the second term and the two
options now refer to adverbs (a less clumsy alternative to (a)):
Bad breath can be either directly or indirectly caused by strongly flavoured food.
(c) Omit either because it may sound redundant in a choice between two options; this
version also allows the interpretation that both mechanisms could happen together:
Bad breath can be directly or indirectly caused by strongly flavoured food.
(or: Bad breath can be directly and indirectly caused by strongly flavoured food.)
(3) Causes of bad breath, or halitosis, includes digestive problems, not cleaning teeth
or dentures properly, and various medical conditions.
The main problem here is that the subject does not agree with the verb. The gerund (–ing
verb form) cleaning could be treated as a noun, but some people may prefer making the list of
nouns “more” parallel, by rephrasing in the following ways:
© T Lane
© Faculty of Dentistry, The University of Hong Kong
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(a) Make the noun-like quality of cleaning more obvious by using an adjective instead of
an adverb (improper instead of not…properly) and by including a possessive phrase:
Causes of bad breath, or halitosis, include digestive problems, improper cleaning of
teeth or dentures, and various medical conditions.
(b) Find an alternative head noun in the second noun phrase of the list, rephrase the
adverb (improperly instead of not…properly), and turn the gerund into a
participial/verbal adjective:
Causes of bad breath, or halitosis, include digestive problems, improperly cleaned
teeth or dentures, and various medical conditions.
(4) A reason that someone has bad breath or other oral health problems is smoking,
which the dentist may advise you to stop.
The “person” changes here from impersonal someone to second-person you, so it is
confusing why the definite article is used for the dentist to imply a well-known profession in
general. The relationship between the two clauses either side of the comma is also not clear,
and this is further complicated by an embedded cause-effect structure in the first clause. The
sentence can be rewritten in several ways, each with slight changes in meaning. See if you
can find other ways of getting the expression in writing just right.
(a) Keep the “person” impersonal and singular, make two sentences, use an introductory
connector in the second sentence to show logical consequence, and clarify what is to
be stopped (however, this solution assumes one to smoke and creates an overly
formal tone):
A reason that one has bad breath or other oral health problems is smoking. Therefore,
one’s dentist may advise one to stop smoking.
(b) Find a singular impersonal noun for the first clause that relates to the dentist, use the
connector so but keep one sentence, keep the definite article for the dentist, and
explain that the advice is for smokers (but the sentence now seems a bit clumsy):
A reason that a patient has bad breath or other oral health problems is smoking, so
the dentist may advise [a patient who is] a smoker to stop [smoking].
(or, because some writers try not to “label” people by using nouns and noun
complements: …so the dentist may advise a patient who smokes to stop
[smoking/doing so].)
(c) Modify the solution in (b) by embedding a subordinate clause for the reason (but
there are now two that’s and the use of he or she and him or her seems clumsy and
more unclear; use of generic they/them would create a new problem of parallelism):
A reason that a patient has bad breath or other oral health problems is that he or she
smokes, so the dentist may advise him or her to stop [smoking].
(d) Make all people plural, use the connector so for the second clause, and try to clarify
that not everyone smokes and that the dentist would give quitting advice to those who
do (or say they do):
A reason that some people/patients have bad breath or other oral health problems is
smoking, so dentists may advise such/those people/patients to stop [smoking].
(e) Shorten the sentence by making all people plural, revising and defining the subject of
the first clause with a relative pronoun, using the modal verb may in the first clause,
using the connector so and the third-person plural pronoun in the second clause, and
© T Lane
© Faculty of Dentistry, The University of Hong Kong
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(f)
(g)
(h)
(i)
© T Lane
changing the verb to quit:
People who smoke may have bad breath or other oral health problems, so dentists
may advise them to quit.
Rephrase the first clause to remove “people” language and make dentists plural:
A reason for bad breath and other oral health problems is smoking, so dentists may
advise smokers to quit.
(or because some writers try not to “label” people by using nouns: …so dentists may
advise patients who smoke to quit.)
(or: …so dentists may give advice on quitting smoking. [However, this clause may
need some elaboration, such as …so dentists may routinely give advice on quitting
smoking / …so dentists may give advice on quitting smoking when appropriate /…so
dentists are trained to give advice on quitting smoking.])
Change the subject of the first clause to remove people language and recast the
second clause as in (f):
Smoking causes bad breath and other oral health problems, so dentists may advise
smokers to quit.
Turn the first clause of (g) into a subordinate clause and recast:
Because smoking causes bad breath and other oral health problems, dentists may
advise smokers to quit.
Rephrase the solution in (h) using the passive:
Because bad breath and other oral health problems can be caused by smoking,
dentists may advise smokers to quit.
© Faculty of Dentistry, The University of Hong Kong
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