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Writing for effectiveness
How to write for
Conciseness
Make your words count. Don't muddy your writing
with jargon, unclear construction and repetition.
write to impress!
Takes NOTES on today's review!
SAY WHAT YOU MEAN!
• Avoid - REDUNDANCIES AND WORDINESS
thinking to
myself
thinking
needless to say then why say it?
at the present
time
despite the fact
that
now
although
Mutual
cooperation
cooperation
Completely
destroyed
destroyed
Could care less
couldn't care less
consensus of
opinion
consensus
refer back
refer
INTENSIFIERS
Avoid overused intensifiers such as:
Very, Really, Truly, So, Completely, Totally, Positively, Perfectly.
Re-write for conciseness and description. For example:
very hungry
famished
really tired
exhausted
perfectly happy
content
so silly
ridiculous
truly angry
irate
SENTENCE FRAGMENT:
A group of words lacking one or more of the following: a subject, a predicate, a complete
thought (e.g, a dependent clause).
Although he passed the test.
"Now his concern is to be a normally functioning human being again. Without the
headaches, dizziness, memory loss and lethargy that have been part of his life for too
long."
RUN-ON SENTENCE:
Lacks proper punctuation e.g, COMMA SPLICE:
The professor dismissed the class, the students cheered.
Options to fix run-ons:
1) Create two sentences 2) Use a semi-colon 3) Use a coordinating conjunction
OVERSUBORDINATED SENTENCE:
Caused by several dependent clauses or one long dependent clause at the start of a
sentence. Problem: delays main idea.
Even though I felt sick and discouraged at the thought of taking the exam, I passed the
LSDT.
PASSIVE & ACTIVE VOICE
The "VOICE" of a sentence indicates the form of the verb.
PASSIVE VOICE: The subject is acted upon by the verb.
The test was passed by the student.
The meeting was led by the president.
The play was canceled.
CORRECTING PASSIVE VOICE:
Find the verb in the sentence
Ask who or what is performing the action.
Construct the sentence to that the "actor" (subject) performs the action.
Our conclusion was ignored by the committee.
Verb: ignored
Actor: committee
Re-write: The committee ignored our conclusions.
The infant was rescued from the blaze by his mother.
Verb: rescued
Actor: mother
Re-write: The infant's mother rescued him from the blaze.
If we write it: His mother rescued the infant from the blaze. "His" is unclear as a pronoun
reference.
WHEN PASSIVE VOICE IS JUSTIFIED:
The recipient of the action is more important (prominent) than the performer of the action.
President Clinton was heckled by an unidentified comedian posing as a journalist.
The actor or performer of the action is unknown, difficult to identify or irrelevant.
The gift was damaged during shipping.
NOTE: In this case, the indicative mood (was) is used to state merely a condition or
realistic explanation, not an implausible situation.
PARALLEL STRUCTURE (PARALLELISM):
Don't mix elements in a phrase or series.
He enjoys books, movies and driving his car. (NO
He enjoys reading books, watching movies and driving his car. (YES)
Don't mix verbals (e.g., gerunds and infinitives).
He believes in using force and then to resort to diplomacy only if all else fails. (NO)
He believes in using force and then resorting to diplomacy only if all else fails. (YES)
Don't mix tenses or voice.
Workers who were consulted regularly feel more committed to the company and had
lower rates of absenteeism. (NO)
Workers who are consulted regularly feel more committed to the company and have
lower rates of absenteeism. (NO)
Don't mix singular and plural subjects.
One should study; students should know that. (NO)
Students should know that they should study. (YES)
Don't use a dependent clause inappropriately.
The professor explained the theory of relativity, Newtonian Physics and that critical
thinking is at the heart of scientific study. (NO)
The professor explained the theory of relativity, Newtonian physics and the importance of
critical thinking in scientific study. (YES)
Be consistent with grammatical patterns in a sentence (e.g., verb-adjective-noun
pattern of three phrases)
He vowed to decrease federal taxes, increase social services and strengthen foreign
relations.
Clarity
As writers, our words are our tools. Therefore, with every word, phrase, clause and sentence
we write, we should be asking, "Is this the right tool for the job?" Is the way we have written
a sentence the clearest, most concise way to express what we are trying to say?
There are several danger zones to be mindful of as we are writing for clarity, conciseness and
coherence.
WORD CHOICE:
The words we choose should communicate just what we mean to communicate--nothing
more; nothing less. As noted in "When Words Collide," choosing the correct verb is a matter
of grammar; but choosing the right verb is a matter of conciseness and clarity.
Avoid UP
Bob appointed his uncle to head up the committee.
Bob appointed his uncle to head the committee.
The negligent father finally faced up to his responsibilities.
The negligent father finally faced his responsibilities.
His incessant questions only served to slow up the meeting.
His incessant questions only served to slow the meeting.
Avoid those verbs requiring "up" to complete their meaning. These verbs are not wrong; but they are
weak.
She suspected the student was making up the excuse.
She suspected the student was fabricating the excuse.
Business has been picking up since the street opened.
Business has improved since the street opened.
"VERBIZING NOUNS"
Adding the suffix "-ize" to any noun is usually unnecessary, and it often serves to confuse
the reader. Nonetheless, some "-ize" words are useful and provide a particular meaning.
Before tacking "-ize" onto a noun, subject it to these three tests.
Is it listed in the dictionary as an acceptable word?
Does it have a unique meaning? (e.g. pasteurize)
Does it have a sound that it not displeasing?
THAT
That serves a range of grammatical functions.
Adjective: That man is going to fall off of his bike.
Demonstrative pronoun: That is the last thing he will do.
Relative pronoun: Harvard is the university that he wants to attend.
Conjunction: My brother admitted that he is always wrong.
As a pronoun & conjunction, that can often be eliminated.
My brother admitted he is always wrong.
Harvard is the university he wants to attend.
Other times removing that requires a sentence be re-written.
She treasured the boat that was built by her father.
She treasured the boat her father built.
To determine if that is necessary, ask these two questions:
1. Can that be eliminated with no change in the meaning of the sentence?
2. Can the clause introduced by that be expressed more concisely?
MISPLACED WORDS
A modifier must point directly and clearly to what it modifies. Place the modifier next to or
as close as possible to what it is modifying.
Problem modifiers: only, nearly, almost, just, scarcely, even, hardly and merely.
ONLY
Only the coach lead the team to victory.
No one else can lead them.
The coach can only lead the team to victory.
The coach can't do anything more than lead them.
The coach can lead only the team to victory.
The coach can't lead anyone else.
Just the swimmer missed her chance to compete in the race.
No one else missed a chance.
JUST
The swimmer just missed her chance to compete in the race.
The swimmer barely or recently missed her chance
The swimmer missed her chance just to compete in the race.
The swimmer missed her chance simply to compete.
The swimmer missed her chance to compete in just the race.
The swimmer missed only once chance to compete: the race. Or she missed the chance to limit
her competing to one event: the race.
MISPLACED MODIFIERS
Phrases and clauses should also be placed next to or near what they modify.
Several of the children were confused by math in the class.
Rising to their feet, the fight song roared from the fans.
Joe found a twenty-dollar bill walking home.
A modifier "dangles" when what it is supposed to modify is not part of the sentence.
Before going on vacation, the bills need to be paid.
After cutting the grass, the garden was weeded.
SPLITTING AUXILIARY AND MAIN VERBS AND
SPLITTING INFINITIVES
Split verbs lead to incoherence. In most cases, it is best to keep auxiliary verbs next to the
main verb and to avoid splitting infinitives.
The students who have been, for more than a week, waiting for tickets were disappointed
with the news.
The burglar was, as far as the detectives could determine, hiding somewhere in the
building.
Splitting infinitives, though common practice is grammatically incorrect and makes for
sloppy writing.
For the information to truly be valuable, he will need to verify the source.
Sally intended to fully explain the proposal, but she missed the meeting.
SUBJUNCTIVE MOOD
A mood of the verb (to be) that expresses a condition or supposition that is contrary to
fact or highly improbable (a wish).
It is also used to express: DOUBTS, UNCERTAINTIES, REGRETS, DESIRES.
With subjunctive mood, use WERE instead of WAS.
If I were rich, I would still teach grammar
The students looked at me as if I were insane.
She wishes she were home in bed instead of in class.
BUT: --If the ex-convict was involved in the robbery, he
probably has left town.