Download 1. Try not to use cliché too much. A cliché‐ridden essay lacks high

Writing task1 :( Cambridge IELTS3, test1)
The bar chart clearly demonstrates the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995. Also
in the line graph, percentage of Japanese tourists coming to Australia on the vertical axis is platted against the
number of years on the horizontal axis. There are several features in these graphs.
From the chart we can see that in 1985 number of Japanese people that traveled to the Australia was 4.5 millions.
This population rose steadily to 1990, then bar chart began to decline and dropped to 10.5 millions and increased
again but more steeply to 14.5 millions in 1995.
The percentage of Japanese tourists coming to Australia was %2 of Japanese tourists travelling abroad. This
proportion increased to %4.7 in 1988 and then decreased to %4.2 in 1989. This percentage steadily rose to %6.5 in
1994 and declined to %6 in end of the period of time.
Comment [M1]: Don't say 'five/ten/fifteen
millions of sth', say five/ten/fifteen million sth:
The house cost 2 millions of dollars.
The house cost 2 million dollars.
When million is used without a particular number, it
is used in the plural form and is sometimes followed
by 'of':
The house cost millions (of dollars).
Comment [M2]: Repeated word
In conclusion Overall, the number of Japanese people who had traveled abroad increased over this period except
1991. The percentage of Japanese tourists who traveled to Australia increased too except in 1988 and 1993.
Writing task2 :( Cambridge IELTS3, test2)
Taking into technology into consideration as an essential need, it should be said that all countries effort to access
state- of- the- art devices to develop their technology; H however, some people believe that it is necessary to keep
the traditional skills while others think that the technological progress require that society never consider traditional
knowledge. More explanation will be put forward.
Emphasizing on the significance of technology, it should be mentioned that there are some reasons why keeping
traditional skills are helpful.
The new technology has caused society too much trouble. For example, nuclear or oil power plant pollute the rivers
basin and the air. They endanger people’s health but if countries keep ancient skills to produce clean r energy like
wind power (windmills) beside the other extended fossil power generation plants, they will keep the balance
between environmental issues and energy demands.
Comment [M3]: Need a verb
Nevertheless, the traditional professions and ways of life are very time-consuming. The modern technology has
increased provided/offered the convenience of living and the rate of progress.
In the past, people connected with each other by writing letters that sent by horse. Nowadays email and fax make the
connection easier and faster. Also using horses do not have any benefits for transportation systems.
In conclusion, development of technology helps people to improve their ways of life; H however, keeping
traditional skills are is more much safer. I strongly believe that extending knowledge and progress are is required to
eliminate some of ancient professions. (230 words)
Estimated Band Score: 5.5
Comments:
1. Try not to use cliché too much. A cliché‐ridden essay lacks high score
2. Try to get some readings about the use of verbs and sentence structures.
3. Try to use tenses in the right way, i.e., past for past actions, etc.
Formatted: Indent: Before: -0.05", Numbered
+ Level: 1 + Numbering Style: 1, 2, 3, … +
Start at: 1 + Alignment: Left + Aligned at:
1.56" + Indent at: 1.81"
Formatted: Font: Italic, Complex Script Font:
Italic
4. The number of words is less than desirable.(Task:2)
5. Please study more about the structures of essays in IELTS, some grammatical point or go
through Common Mistakes at IELTS, intermediate and advanced.
6.