Download empathic listening

In the name of Allah who is
the most Beneficial and
Merciful.
HABIT:5
Seek First to Understand,
Then to Be Understood

HERCEZ-BA-DA-NA-NE-GOREY
HERCEZ-BA-DEEPLY UDERSTANDINGKAWAY

DON’T TAKE ANY THING SUPPERFICIAL
BUT SEE DEEPLY TOUNDER STAND
Over view
 I learned from this habit that it is more
important to listen than it is to speak.
 This habit centre around the understanding of
the other person - what they want, need and
aspire to as well as what their motivations and
mindset are.
Over view
 Generally when we listen we don't understand at all.
We may think we do, but we don't.
 When we listen everything is "understood" within our
own frame of reference.
 When people have a problem, or ask for advice, we
see it from our point of view not theirs; we've failed to
understand completely.
Over view
 Unless we understand them, we can't help or
influence the situation as we can't see the world
through their eyes.
 Old saying of "In order to understand someone you
have to walk 100 miles in their shoes"
Principle Of Effective
Listening
 The single most important principle in the field of
interpersonal relations is this: Seek first to
understand, then to be understood.
 Most people listen, not with the intent to
understand, but with the intent to reply.
Principle Of Effective
Listening
 Where does understanding begin? Demanding to
be understood is a way of saying, "You open your
mind for me.
 " Wanting to understand the other person is a
way of saying, "I'll open my mind for you."
 The two are so different in tone and meaning
that it's hard to do both at the same time.
Principle Of Effective
Listening
 We generally focus on one or the other. Most
people want only to be understood.
 At the root of personality conflicts is the feeling
that "he or she doesn't understand me."
PRINCIPLES OF EMPATHIC
COMMUNICATION
“The heart has its reasons which reason
knows not of.”
(Pascal)
PRINCIPLES OF EMPATHIC
COMMUNICATION
 Empathy is a Greek word.
 The em-part of the empathy means "in."
 The -pathy part comes from pathos, which means
"feeling“.
PRINCIPLES OF EMPATHIC
COMMUNICATION
We have empathy when we place ourselves
within the other person, so to speak, in order to
experience his feelings as he experiences them.
Empathy does not mean we agree; it means
simply that we understand the other point of view.
Character and
Communication
 The real key to your influence with me is your
own example.
 Your example flow out of your character or the
kind of person you truly are--- not what others say
you are or what you may want me to think you
are.
Character Makes
Personality
 Character makes personality
executive.
 Your character is constantly radiating,
communicating.
Character Makes
Personality
 Character depends upon two factors,
 Private performance
 Public performance
 These are the key of character
 If your private performance don't square with your
public performance it is very hard for me to open up
with you.
Types of Communication
Listening
Communications
Reading
Writing
Speaking
EMPATHIC LISTENING
 It is sometimes the more
appropriate emotion and
response.
 Often feed on sympathy, it
makes them dependent
EMPATHIC LISTENING
 The essence of empathic listening is not that you
agree with someone; it’s that you fully, deeply,
understand that person, emotionally as well as
intellectually.
 When I say empathic listening, I mean listening
with intent understand.
EMPATHIC LISTENING
 I mean seeking first to understand, to really
understand.
 It’s an entirely different paradigm.
 Empathic listening gets inside another person’s
frame of reference.
 You look out through it, you see the world the way
they see the world, you understand their
paradigm, you understand how they feel.
Typical
Listening Responses
Ignoring:-
not listening at all
Pretending:not listening at all, but with mindless
Responses:(“Uh-hum”, “Yeah, that’s really interesting”)
Selective listening:not listening to everything, but hearing what you
want to hear
Typical
Listening Responses
 Attentive listening
really listening to the words
 Effective listening is about really wanting to listen,
wanting to understand the other. To achieve this
you have to go beyond the words.
Diagnose Before You
Prescribe
 It is a great principle manifest in many areas of
life.
 You wouldn’t have any confidence in a doctor’s
prescription unless you
diagnosis.
had confidence in the
Diagnose Before You
Prescribe
 The key to good judgment is understanding.
 By judging first, a person will never fully
understand.
 Seek first to understand is a correct principle
evident in all areas of life.
EXAMPLES:
 When our daughter Jenny was only two months
old, she was sick one Saturday the day of a
football game in our community . It was a
important game---- An effective sales person first seeks to
understand the needs, the concerns, the
situation of the customer.
EXAMPLES:
 The professional lawyer first gathers the facts to
understand the law before preparing a case.
 A good lawyer almost writes the opposing
attorney’s case before he writes his own.
EXAMPLES:
 A good engineer will understand the forces, the
stresses at work, before designing the bridge.
 A good teacher will assess the class before teaching.
 A good student will understand before he applies.
 A good parent will understand before evaluating or
judging.
Understanding and
Perception
 When you listen deeply to other people, you will
discover tremendous difference in perception.
 You will also begin to appreciate the impact that
these differences can have as people try to
work together in interdependent situations.
Difference in Perception
 Every one has its own perception
 You see the young woman; I see the old lady. And
both of us can be right.
 You may look at the world through spouse-
centered glasses; I see it through the moneycentered lens of economic concern.
Difference in Perception
 You may be scripted in the abundance mentality; I
may be scripted in the scarcity mentality.
 You may approach problems from a highly visual,
holistic right brain paradigm; I may be very left
brain’.
Difference in Perception
 Our perceptions can be vastly different.
 Yet we both have lived with our paradigms
for years, thinking they are “fact” and
questioning the character or the mental
competence of anyone who can’t “see the
facts”.
Seek to be Understood
Seed first to be understood then to be
understood. Knowing how to be
understood is the solution of win/win.
Seeking to be understand is requires
consideration; seeking to be
understood takes courage. Win/win
requires highly degree of both.
Example
An effective sales person first
seeks to understand the needs,
the concerns, the situation of the
customer. The amateur salesman
sells products; the professional
sells solutions to needs and
problems.
Then Seek to Understood
According to Philosophy of Greeks people
Greek people believe in three word logos
ethos, and pathos.
Logos; is the logic, the reasoning
part of the presentation.
Pathos; is the empathic side-it is
the feeling.
Ethos; is your personal credibility,
the faith people have in your
integrity and competency.