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Nonverbal Communication
Timothy C. Thomason
Northern Arizona University
Every Communication Has Two Parts
• Our verbal message is the content of what we
say.
• Our nonverbal message is everything else.
Verbal and Nonverbal Communication
• Verbal communication uses words.
• Nonverbal communication uses facial
expression, gestures, posture, eye contact,
etc.
• We cannot not communicate.
• It is not easy to fake nonverbal behavior.
Nonverbal Communication is Usually
Unconscious
“The unconscious of one person can act upon
that of another without passing through the
conscious mind.”
- Freud
We Are Always Communicating
Nonverbally
“No mortal can keep a secret. If the lips are
silent, he chatters with his fingertips; betrayal
oozes out of him at every pore. And thus the
task of making conscious the most hidden
recesses of the mind is one which is quite
possible to accomplish.”
- Freud
Nonverbal Behaviors are Tells
• They tell our state of mind.
• Poker emphasizes bluffing and deception.
• We can try to control our non-verbals, but
they may betray us.
• Play the coin game to practice reading tells.
Types of Nonverbal Communication
• Facial expression
– Especially important in the communication of
feelings.
• Body posture
– Erect vs. slumped; tense vs. relaxed; leaning.
• Gestures and physical movements (kinesics)
Types of Nonverbals, cont.
• Body adornment
– Clothes, hairstyle, jewelry, tattoos, etc.
• Touching
• Respiration
• Voice
– Pitch, volume, speed, inflection, etc.
Proxemics (Personal Distance)
• The greater the distance, the less intimate.
– Personal: 1 ½ to 4 feet
– Social: 4 feet to 12 feet
– Public: 20 feet or more
• Counseling is typically social (about 4 feet).
Nonverbals Modify Verbals
• People often notice our nonverbals more than
our verbals.
• Nonverbals may be congruent or incongruent
with our verbal message.
• It is easy to lie verbally but not so easy to lie
nonverbally.
Nonverbals Modify Verbals
• Confirming what is said verbally.
• Denying or confusing what is said verbally.
• Strengthening or emphasizing what is said
verbally.
• Adding intensity to a verbal message.
• Controlling or regulating what is said verbally.
Nonverbals in Counselors
• Counselors should notice both the client’s
verbal message and his or her nonverbals.
• Are they congruent?
• If not, probe deeper.
Some Therapy Models Pay More
Attention to Nonverbals Than Others
• Gestalt Therapy
• Client-Centered Therapy
• Psychodynamic therapies
Not so much in:
• Behavior therapy
• Cognitive therapy
• Solution-oriented therapy
Listen for Clients’ Nonverbal Messages
and Modifiers
• Read clients’ nonverbals but do not overinterpret them.
• Interpret nonverbals cautiously.
• Practice reading nonverbal behavior by
watching movies, television programs, and
counseling session videos with the sound off.
Nonverbals May Have Multiple
Meanings
• The context is important.
• Avoid becoming overly fixated on the details
of a client’s nonverbal behavior.
Caution
• There is no simple formula for interpreting the
meaning of nonverbal communications.
• Gestures and facial expressions have many
meanings which vary by context.
• People vary within and between cultures
regarding the meaning of nonverbals.
Myths About Nonverbal Behavior
• There is no such thing as nonverbal
communication.
• Nonverbal behavior accounts for most
communication in humans.
• You can read a person like a book.
• Nonverbal behaviors are the same across
cultures.
• Nonverbal behaviors mean the same thing in
different situations.
The Nonverbal Dictionary
The Center for Nonverbal Studies
http://center-for-nonverbal-studies.org
How Much of Communication is Verbal
vs. Nonverbal?
• This is very hard to quantify.
• In the 2013 book What Every Body is Saying
the author says 60% to 65% of interpersonal
communication is nonverbal. Often 100% of
communication during lovemaking is nonverbal.
Nonverbal Flirting
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Have an attractive appearance (clothes, hair).
Have an open body posture.
Face the person you are interested in.
Lean toward the person.
Smile and speak in a friendly tone of voice.
Sustained eye contact indicates interest.
Raised eyebrows indicate interest.
What Do the Following Mean?
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Playing with a pen while talking to someone.
Picking at your clothes while talking.
Touching a bracelet or necklace.
Touching your own body.
Clutching your hands together.
Crossing your arms.
Yawning.
Nonverbals Communicate Mood
• Sensing the emotional state of the other
person is an important part of social
interaction.
• People vary in how well they can read another
person’s emotional state.
• Some people who have autism and
schizophrenia find it difficult to detect other
people’s feelings and so have difficulty relating
to others.
Mood, cont.
• We sense the emotions of others by
combining disparate clues: facial expressions,
gestures, body posture, tone of voice, etc.
• Expressions can be classified as “facial action
units” which consist of combinations of
physical changes in the face.
• Software exists to interpret the emotional
cues in facial expressions and tones of speech.
The Eyes Test
• Online test to measure your ability to read the
thought or feeling a person is communicating
in their eyes.
• Google “reading the mind in the eyes” to find
it or go to
http://glennrowe.net/BaronCohen/Faces/Eyes
Test.aspx
• Caution: this test is not psychometrically wellstudied, so the results may be meaningless.
Eyes
• Pupil dilation may indicate interest or
emotional arousal or sexual arousal.
• Pupil dilation may also be a side effect of using
certain drugs.
• Pupil dilation may also mean the room is dark.
Examples of Nonverbal Prompts
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Lean forward attentively and wait.
Head nods.
Gestures.
Eye movements.
Avoid distracting behaviors.
Vocal and Verbal Prompts
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Um
Uh-huh
Sure
Yes
I see
Ah
Okay
Oh
Matching Nonverbals
• We tend to like people who are like us.
• We are not usually offended by the nonverbal
behaviors of people who have our same
nonverbals.
• Some research suggests that people who like
each other unconsciously sync their nonverbal
behaviors.
• Babies sync their head movements with mom.
Matching, cont.
• Research on Fritz Perls, Milton Erickson, and
Virginia Satir found that they all match or
mirror their client’s nonverbal behaviors.
• Matching the client’s nonverbals may increase
rapport.
• It may be possible to match and lead clients to
a different type of nonverbal behavior.
Matching, cont.
• Matching can be done with any and all
nonverbal behaviors.
• Matching may be more effective in building
rapport than SOLER in cross-cultural
counseling.
• Caution: matching should be subtle enough
that the client does not realize you are doing
it. If they notice, admit it and explain it.