Survey
* Your assessment is very important for improving the workof artificial intelligence, which forms the content of this project
* Your assessment is very important for improving the workof artificial intelligence, which forms the content of this project
I. II. III. Passive Voice Wordiness Combining Sentences What it is: A. B. Why It’s bad: A. B. C. Passive = weak, indirect, and often long sentences Uses “to be verbs” (is, was, were, had been, has) + past tense verb Uses more words than necessary to articulate a point. Leads to wordiness. Tends to emphasize the least important information in the sentence Makes the reader work harder to grasp concepts Which is written in a passive way?: A. B. By the time we got to the line for the roller coaster, it had been shut down because the park officials had decided it would be dangerous to ride it. At the line for the roller coaster, we discovered that, due to the weather, park officials decided to shut down the ride. Active = strong, straightforward structure w/active verbs (present or past tense) Follows the Subject Verb Object Structure: Ex. “The T-Rex devoured the livestock.” S V O Rather than: “The livestock were devoured by the T-rex.” O V S How could we rewrite the following passive voice sentences? 1. 2. In 1776, it was decided by the drafting committee that the Declaration of Independence should be written on hemp paper. Because of the many injuries caused by the slippery grass, the coaches were required to call off the game so they wouldn’t get in trouble with the parents of the players. First, we need to identify passives (helping verbs, etc.) and who the subject of the sentence is. Secondly, we begin rewriting it by placing the subject first and following it with an active verb (present, or past tense) Finally, we end the sentence after the direct object and start a new independent clause w/ a semi-colon or period. Answer: 1. 2. The Declaration of Independence drafting committee decided in 1776 to write on hemp paper. The coaches feared trouble with their players’ parents, so they called off the game; the wet grass caused too many injuries. Excessive use of adjectives, adverbs, passive constructs, etc. => Any material not adding to the argument You should always ask yourself if your adverbs and adjectives are adding anything meaningful. Wordiness weakens arguments by overloading the sentence. Too much to focus on, so your main points get lost. ex. The Ambassador of Finland, a truly fastidious and well-groomed old man, delivered an awfully dull and laborious speech dripping with concern about the terrible, increasingly alarming downward trend of the international stock market. What words could I cut out? What information is necessary and what is extra information? First, identify the adjectives, adverbs, and prepositions (of, from, to, across, through, etc.) Determine the most basic meaning of the sentence (S-V-O). Judge whether we need or desire additional descriptive information Think of ways to eliminate the prepositions through reordering and reducing the sentence. Answers: 1. The well-groomed, old Ambassador of Finland delivered a dull, but concerned speech, regarding the alarming trends of the international stock market. 2. Even more to the point: The Finnish Ambassador delivered a speech concerning the global marketplace crash. Repetitive sentence patterns bore the reader. Too many periods makes arguments choppy. However, it’s often best to write simply for the first draft and then consider how to join independent clauses into more sophisticated structures. A passage written in short, simple sentences: 1. Richard went to the store on Wednesday. At the store, he bought pickles. Richard also purchased a cooler and a lantern. He was going camping that weekend. It was going to be hot. Richard knew that he would want a cooler for the fish. He bought a cooler because he wanted to keep his refreshments cold, too. So how do we make this less wordy and more sophisticated? Identify the most essential information in the sentence first. Then, order elements according to purpose and intent. If you have two sentences saying essentially the same thing (same verbs, pronouns, etc.) then you can list them. After combining sentences: 1. On Wednesday, Richard went to the store for his camping trip to buy pickles, a lantern, and a cooler; he knew the heat would spoil his fish and refreshments would without one. The purpose here is to avoid spoiled food/prepare for a trip. The intent is to purchase a set of items. Think of your first drafts as diamond or gold mines. You have to chisel out the valuable, necessary materials and cart out the rest. This is your final draft! = >