Survey
* Your assessment is very important for improving the workof artificial intelligence, which forms the content of this project
* Your assessment is very important for improving the workof artificial intelligence, which forms the content of this project
Scientific Writing Exercises Adapted from: Essentials of Biomedical Writing. (Mimi Zeiger) Successful Scientific Writing. (J and R Matthews) Identify the writing faults in each example. Improve by rewriting each example. 1. Renal blood was drastically compromised when the aorta was obstructed. - imprecise words: compromise, drastic Renal blood flow decreased by _% when the aorta was obstructed. 2. The salicylates are rapidly absorbed with a 2 h peak plasma concentration. - Imprecise use of with The salicylates are rapidly absorbed, reaching a peak plasma concentration at 2h. 3. Water is comprised of hydrogen and oxygen. Comprise is not used in passive form. Water is composed of hydrogen and oxygen. Water comprises hydrogen and oxygen. 4. In changing from a standing position to one that is lying down, the blood pressure changes noticeably. - dangling participle The blood pressure decreases noticeably when the subject changes from a standing to a supine position. 5. Oxygen uptake in response to drugs was examined and found to vary considerably. - unnecessary words: was examined, was found Oxygen uptake varied considerably in response to drugs. 6. This response was blocked by phentolamine but was not effected by propranolol. - effect vs affect This response was blocked by phentolamine but was not affected by propranolol. 7. The digoxin content was increased from 0.5 to 2.5 ng/ml. - content vs. concentration The digoxin concentration was increased from 0.5 to 2.5 ng/ml. 8. Each data point is one measurement of airway resistance. 1 represents: to serve as a sign/symbol of is: equal to Each data point represents one measurement of airway resistance. 9. Obesity should be controlled by diet or alternately by medical intervention. - alternatively: involving a choice between 2 or more courses of action Obesity should be controlled by diet or alternatively by medical intervention. 10. Two parameters were measured in the experiment: the concentration of drug and the heart rate. - variable: what is measured in an experiment i.e. the output of a repeatable operation. It can change in a given system. Two variables were measured in the experiment: the concentration of drug and the heart rate. 11. The city’s first commercial blood bank opened last week with blood samples from one hundred men stored in refrigerated units. with: imprecise; stored in refrigerated units: unclear modifier The city’s first commercial blood bank opened last week. One hundred samples were collected from men were stored in refrigerated units. 12. Treatment with methylprednisolone after the lesion is established significantly changes recovery. - changes: imprecise Treatment with methylprednisolone after the lesion is established significantly increases/decreases recovery. 13. It was interesting to note that no other drugs were used. - unnecessary words used is imprecise. No other drugs were given/administered/ingested/injected. 14. Following termination of avian exposure, there was a substantial incrementation in lung volume and at this moment in time, it would appear that there has been a marginal degree of improvement in diffusing capacity. - substantial and marginal: give precise numbers when possible. - unnecessary words When exposure to birds stopped, the lung volume increased by diffusing capacity improved marginally by %. % and 2 15. The haemodialysis procedure was repeated again after 4 h then completely terminated after 12 h. - completely: unnecessary word The haemodialysis procedure was repeated after 4 h and terminated after 12 h. 16. The surface topology inducing flow turbulence drastically enhanced the resistance by in excess of 30 percent. - noun cluster - enhance/increase - drastic: unnecessary Surface topology induced flow turbulence and increased the resistance by 30%. 17. Due to the fact that breeder flocks in most cases are being subjected to continuous vaccination programs, the virus disease spread has almost completely stopped. - continual: occurring at repeated intervals - continuous: uninterrupted, unbroken continuity - unnecessary words Since the breeder flocks are vaccinated continually, the spread of the virus has almost stopped. 18. This kitten that was the sole surviving litter member of the stray cat was devoid of hair that was white in colour. unnecessary words that/which This kitten, which was the sole survivor of the stray cat’s litter, had no white hair. The stray cat’s sole surviving offspring was a kitten without white hair. 19. Five two week old single comb white leghorn specific pathogen free chickens were inoculated with approximately 105 tissue culture infected doses of duck adenovirus. - noun cluster The single comb, white leghorn chickens, aged two weeks, were pathogen free. Five chickens were inoculated with 105 doses of duck adenovirus that were derived from infected tissue culture. 20. In the event that we hold a meeting at this point in time with reference to the data, a consensus of opinion should be difficult to attain. -unnecessary words 3 If we hold a meeting about the data now, a consensus should be difficult to attain. 21. It should be noted that the use of low molecular weight dextrans should be avoided in these patients which appear to pass through the damaged endothelium of pulmonary vessels. - which used incorrectly The use of low molecular weight dextrans, which pass through the damaged endothelium of pulmonary vessels, should be avoided in these patients. Low molecular weight dextrans should be avoided in these patients. These dextrans can pass through the damaged endothelium of pulmonary vessels. 22. Our efforts did not result in the location of the proposal which was missing. - unnecessary words - that/which Despite our efforts, we did not locate the missing proposal. We could not find the proposal that was missing. 23. Inadequate training in PCR techniques resulted in incomplete data. This has been our most pervasive problem. - unclear pronoun; this could refer to inadequate training or incomplete data. Because of inadequate training in PCR techniques,our data was incomplete. Training inadequacies have been our most pervasive problem. Inadequate training in PCR techniques has been our most pervasive problem and resulted in incomplete data. 24. The researcher tested the women observing this schedule. - dangling participle could refer to researcher or women. Observing this schedule, the researcher tested the women. The researcher tested the women who observed this schedule.. 25. Being in poor condition, we were unable to save the animals. - dangling participle Being in poor condition, the animals were not salvageable. 26. While having the committee meeting next door, the centrifuge exploded. - dangling participle While having the committee meeting next door, we heard the centrifuge explode. While we were having the committee meeting next door, the centrifuge exploded. 4 27. No bacteria were observed using trypan blue. - dangling participle Using trypan blue, we observed no bacteria. No bacteria were observed by means of trypan blue. 28. Following experimentation, bacteria multiplied. - dangling participle The bacteria multiplied after the experimentation. 29. The microscopes belonging to the graduate students that had been left leaning against the incubator were badly damaged beyond repair. - misplaced modifier - that/which The graduate students’ microscopes, which had been left leaning against the incubator, were damaged irreparably. 30. Using our inoculation procedures, infected hamsters developed granulomas. - dangling participle When we used our inoculation procedures, infected hamsters developed granulomas. Our inoculation procedures produced granulomas in infected hamsters. Infected hamsters that were subjected to our inoculation procedures developed granulomas. 31. Using time lapse photography, the changing shapes of nerve cells in tissue culture were recorded. - dangling participle We used time lapse photography to record the changing shapes of nerve cells in tissue culture. 32. To decrease blood volume by 10% in 2-3 minutes, blood was pooled in the subject’s legs by placing wide congesting cuffs around them and inflating them to diastolic brachial arterial pressure. - unclear pronouns To decrease blood volume by 10% in 2-3 minutes, blood was pooled in the subject’s legs. Wide, congesting cuffs were placed around the legs and then inflated to diastolic brachial arterial pressure. 5 Exercises 2 Sentence Structure Correct the faults in the following sentences. Make the topic the subject of the sentence and/or put the action in the verb. 1. The adults ended dialysis with a plasma acetate concentration almost double that of children. Adults - not the topic of sentence. Improper use of “with” Not good parallel form After dialysis, the plasma acetate concentration in adults was almost double that in children. After dialysis, the plasma acetate concentration in adults was almost twice as high as the acetate concentration in children. 2. The patient showed no change in symptoms. Action - not in verb. Patient is not topic. The patient’s symptoms did not change. 3. The patient was begun on 600 mg of ASA daily and had resolution of his symptoms. Action - not in verb. Unnecessary words The topic of the sentence could be either the patient or the symptoms. After treatment with 600mg ASA daily, the patient’s symptoms resolved. The patient’s symptoms resolved after treatment with 600mg ASA daily. The patient was treated with 600mg ASA daily and his symptoms resolved. 4. A progressive decrease in death rate occurred. Action - not in verb The death rate decreased progressively. 5. An abrupt increase in ventilation and respiratory frequency occurred in all dogs as exercise began. Action - not in verb Ventilation and respiratory frequency increased abruptly in all dogs as exercise began. Exercise increased ventilation and respiratory frequency abruptly in all dogs. 6. The mutation causes an embryonic lethality. Action - not in verb. The mutation kills the embryos. The mutation is lethal to embryos. 6 7. These agents exert their action by liver cholesterol synthesis inhibition. Action - not in verb. Noun cluster. These agents act by inhibiting the synthesis of liver cholesterol. These agents inhibit the synthesis of cholesterol in the liver. 8. Recently, evidence for signalling control over the nuclear import of a potential transcription factor has been provided. Action in verb (of subordinate claus) No need for present perfect tense – simple past is indicated Evidence that signalling controls the nuclear import of a potential transcription factor was provided recently. Recently, signalling was shown to control the nuclear import of a potential transcription factor. 9. A capsule of amyl nitrite was crushed and held in front of the nose for 20 seconds with normal respiration maintained. Use active verb for “held in front of the nose” Improper use of “with” A capsule of amyl nitrite was crushed and its content was inhaled nasally for 20 sec. while the patient breathed normally. The patient crushed the capsule of amyl nitritie and inhaled its content nasally for 20 sec. while breathing normally. (In this version “the patient” becomes topic of the sentence). 10. There is a modest enhancement in radical cleavage at base pairs 10-12. Topic as subject. Action in verb. enhancement/increase Radical cleavage is modestly increased at base pairs 10-12. Identify the major fault in the following sentences. Rewrite. 11. A temporal and spatial relationship between lipid peroxidation and type I collagen gene expression has been described in stellate cells and correlated with an in vitro model of coculture between stellate cells and hepatocytes in which, following addition of agonists in culture, collagen expression occurs in stellate cells located in the immediate vicinity of the stellate cell-hepatocyte boundary but not in distant cells or in stellate cells culture alone. Overloaded sentence. A temporal and spatial relationship between lipid peroxidation and type I collagen gene expression has been described in stellate cells. This relationship correlated with findings in vitro in a model of co-cultured stellate cells and hepatocytes. After the addition of agonists, collagen is expressed in 7 the stellate cells located next to hepatocytes but is not expressed in distant cells or in stellate cells cultured without hepatocytes. 12. Left ventricular function was impaired in the dogs which received endotoxin but not the control dogs. that/which repeat preposition Left ventricular function was impaired in the dogs that received endotoxin but not in the control dogs. 13. The tubes were spun on a Vortex mixer for 10 seconds, stored at 4 oC for 2 h, and then they were centrifuged at 500 x g for 10 min. The tubes were spun on a Vortex mixer for 10 s, stored at 4oC for 2 h, and then centrifuged at 500 x g for 10 min. 14. The greater stability in this study compared to the previous study resulted from more accurate marker digitization. Comparative adjective + than The greater stability in this study than in the previous study resulted from more accurate marker digitization. - or make accurate digitization the topic of the sentence. A more accurate marker digitization led to greater stability in this study than in the previous study. 15. Like subfragment 1, the protein composition of heavy meromyosin was homogeneous. Parallel comparisons The protein composition of heavy meromyosin, like that of subfragment 1, was homogeneous. Like the protein composition of subfragment 1, the protein composition of heavy meromyosin was homogeneous. 8 Corrected Writing Exercises for Paragraphs 1. The main message of the following paragraph from a methods section of a manuscript is obscure. Rewrite and improve. Rats were administered with a dose of 50mg/kg morphine given subcutaneously. After being anesthetized with pentobarbital (30mg(kg i.p.) rats were injected with salbutamol (0.6mg/kg s.c.) to counteract the respiratory impairment caused by morphine and 10 min later with morphine (20mg/kg), 12.5% solution in equal parts of 95% ethanol and Tween-80, diluted to 25mg/ml with saline. Two hours later, the rats were again anesthetized with pentobarbital (10-20 mg/kg) and injected with salbutamol, after which morphine (30mg/kg s.c.) was again injected. Control rats underwent the same procedure. Decide what the main point (message) is: morphine was given in two doses. Write a topic sentence to state main point with morphine (not rats) as subject. Organize supporting details from most to least important. Add transition term. Use the precise term “inject” rather than “give”. Use either “% “ or “mg/ml” to describe dissolution and dilution of morphine, but not both. Morphine (50 mg/kg) was injected subcutaneously into rats in two sequential doses. The first dose was 20 mg/kg. The second dose, given 2 h later, was 30 mg/kg. Morphine was first dissolved (125mg/ml) in 95% ethanol:Tween-80 (1:1), then further diluted to 25 mg/ml with saline. Before both morphine injections, rats were anaesthetized with pentobarbital (first dose, 30 mg/kg i.p; second dose, 10-20 mg/kg, i.p.). In addition, to counteract the respiratory impairment caused by morphine, salbutamol (0.6 mg/kg subcutaneously) was injected after the anaesthetic. Control rats underwent the same procedure but received drug solvents. 2. Make the main message of this paragraph clear. Improve the continuity. The extent of digestion of the liver can be determined empirically, on the basis of the softness of the organ in response to gentle scratches applied with sterile tweezers. When the hepatic surface is broken by these manipulations, digestion is considered complete. The key enzyme in the liver hepatocyte isolation method is collagenase. There is surprisingly little definitive information about what constitutes a good enzyme preparation for cell yield efficacy and viability and even what endpoint to use to judge efficacy. Decide what the main point should be. Ex. collagenase method is not standardized. Add a topic sentence to reflect your main point. Use key terms and transition words. Collagenase is the key enzyme in a method that digests the liver for hepatocyte isolation. Digestion is considered complete when the liver is soft and when its 9 surface breaks in response to gentle scratches applied with sterile tweezers. However, response to scratches is an empiric method that doesn’t rely on defined endpoints. In fact, endpoints that judge the efficacy of a collagenase enzyme preparation are surprisingly lacking. Endpoints that assess hepatocyte yield and viability could optimize the method of digestion with collagenase preparations. 3. Can better use of key terms improve the continuity between the following sentences? Cellular oncogenes are created when normal cellular genes that have latent transforming potential, that is, proto-oncogenes, are activated and key regulatory pathways that control cell proliferation are subverted. Several families of G-proteincoupled receptors, for example, the serotonin 5HT receptor family and the muscarinic cholinergic (m1, m2, m5) receptors, have been shown to result in conditional, agonist-dependent proto-oncogene activation. Repeat key term at beginning of sentence. Place new key term in stress position. “have been shown to result in…activation” = poor sentence construction Cellular oncogenes arise when normal cellular genes that have latent transforming potential, that is, proto-oncogenes, are activated, and key regulatory pathways that control cell proliferation are subverted. Protooncogenes can be activated conditionally by several families of G-proteincoupled receptors. For example, the serotonin 5HT receptor family and several muscarinic cholinergic (m1, m2, m5) receptors can activate proto-oncogenes. 4. Write a coherent paragraph from the 4 given fragments of sentences. - experimental focus now includes the entire trachea. - 72% of ganglion cell bodies located in the neural plexuses associated with the trachealis muscle and submucosal glands - 28% along longitudinal nerve trunks. - most ganglia in superficial muscle and gland plexuses have 1-4 ganglion cell bodies - previous reports: longitudinal nerve trunk ganglia contain 10-20 ganglion cell bodies Our experimental focus was extended to include the ganglia of the entire trachea. The greatest proportion of ganglion cell bodies (72%) was located in the neural plexuses associated with the trachealis muscle and submucosal glands. Only a small proportion (28%) of ganglion cell bodies was located along the longitudinal nerve trunks. Furthermore, most of the ganglia in the superficial muscle and gland plexuses contained only 1-4 ganglion cell bodies. Thus, our experiments on the entire trachea do not agree with previous reports, which showed that ganglia along the longitudinal nerve trunks contain 10-20 ganglion cell bodies. 10