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Sample Student Text
Your thesis is not entirely
clear. Try to express it
more succinctly
Effective cross-cultural communication is an important tool in the twenty-first century.
Intercultural communication refers to the ‘communication between two people whose
cultural perceptions and symbol systems are distinct enough to alter the communication
event’ (Samovar & Porter 1991). Before the mid twen-tieth century, intercultural
communication was limited to only people who used cross-cultural communication on
a regular basis. For example, government rep-resentatives, merchants and traders,
missionaries, explorers, and tourists were the main groups of people who interacted with
foreign cultures. Nowadays, as people travel more often, the experiences of different
cultures has become more common. People have adapted to the diversely multicultural
countries of today, and Australia is a prime example. There are many aspects within crosscultural communication. On a large scale, these include, but are not limited to, the effects
that mass media plays on the way cultures interact, communication between nations and
governments, and communication that occurs in world-wide businesses and multinational
organizations, as well as cross-cultural com-munication on a personal basis. However,
this essay focuses on the essential tool of cross-cultural and intercultural communication
in the work place. As computer technology develops and transportation improves, it has
become a critical element of all individuals in the business world to acquire. As a result
of the changes, it is not unusual to find businesses with only one culture working there;
however, it is more often than not that large firms will have an assortment of cultures. This
essay will also explore the advantages to the business in having a multicultural workforce,
and describe the challenges when stereotypes arise.
You must deliver on your
promise in the essay
map above (i.e. begin
to deal with either tools
of cross cultural comm
in workplace) Do not
introduce background
information.
It is interesting to begin with the various types of religions and cultures around the world.
Samovar, Porter and McDaniel (2006) state that there are a few major cat-egories of
religion, which each have their own view of God, a founder, sacred writings, holy places
and sacred symbols. They state that ‘about 33 percent of the world’s population is
Christian. The second largest religion and the newest is Islam, with approximately 21
percent. Hinduism is next, with about 15 percent, followed by Buddhism and other Eastern
religions with 9 percent. Judaism com-prises less than 1 percent, tribal and shamanist
tradition 2.5 percent. Non religious or atheist views account for about 19 percent.’ Although
all of the world’s religions have the same structure, the belief systems differ. This is how the
formation of cross-cultural misunderstandings is formed.
This paragraph has no
direct relationship with
what you identified your
essay would be about.
Make sure each para is
linked directly to your
thesis and essay map
In everyday conversational circumstances, the difference of the language bar-rier is a
contributing factor that plays a large part in miscommunication. In an English speaking
country such as Australia, it is hard for many immigrants to learn the language to be able
to communicate within a largely westernised culture. These immigrants often come to
Australia for a better life, and then they have children. These children grow up in Australia
and learn English from a very young age. It often occurs that the children go to school and
learn English, and then they are able to assist their parents and grandparents into speaking
the language. This can therefore reduce the miscommunicative interactions between immigrants and English speaking individuals.
Use linking words (e.g.
therefore) to make the
connection between this
idea and your thesis even
more clear.
This miscommunication can also be seen in the workplace, with the results of the
‘Languages at work 2002’ global survey. It stated that 20% of businesses have admitted
to lost business because of the language and cultural barriers at work, which was a 5%
increase from the previous year. And because of the lack of language and cultural skills
that organisations have implemented, this loss could accumulate to over $20 million.
Globally, this figure would be a lot more and it is up to the business to put in place an
effective scheme to help minimise mis-communication in the workforce and therefore
boost profits to their peak. In a large business, it is imperative that workers be tolerant and
have patience as they work with others from cultures other than their own.
The connection between
this para and the one
before is not evident.
Make links clearer by
referring back to other
paras as well as your
thesis.
In the business world today, the leading employers have a densely populated multicultural
workplace. The communication between their workers and other businesses is clear and
precise. ‘Communicators have the responsibility to be pace setters in helping the world
articulate ideas more completely and with as few misunderstandings as possible’ (Stelin
& Winters 2005). Stelin and Winters are saying that it is up to the big businesses to be the
role models in what good and effective cross-cultural communication is.
This is your topic
sentence. Again, to make
your essay more logical
and coherent, place your
main point at the start of
each paragraph.
In Australia, it is working culture to go to work at 8 o’clock, take a fifteen minute coffee
break at 10 o’clock, a half hour to an hour break at midday, take another coffee break
about 3 o’clock in the afternoon and then leave the office at five o’clock. This is the average
routine that fits the needs of the dominant culture. People believe that when at work, you
are working for your employer and that other concerns and activities must wait until after
work has finished. However, as Samovar and Porter (1991) state ‘Mexicans have a different
cultural view about the importance of the family. They hold the family in high esteem, and it
is not uncommon for relatives to intrude upon the work scene because they perceive family
concerns as more important that business.’ Mexican believe that business and work can
be done at any time, but family problems come first. This is an example of how business
is conducted differently from culture to culture. As people from businesses visit different
countries for work, they must be aware of that culture’s work ethic and adhere to it whilst
on their trip.
You need to link the
role of gender and
culture in non-verbal
communication to your
thesis – i.e. state how
this impacts business.
Otherwise, it is largely
irrelevant.
The interpretation of non-verbal communication is often based on the culture and
gender of the individual. Workers may differ in non-verbal behaviour includ-ing dress and
appearance. A Hindu wearing a turban can cause other workers to feel uncomfortable
because they do not understand the significance and importance it has in that person’s
culture. It can also be said that some Austra-lians cannot understand why the females in
the Indian culture cover up their whole body even in the middle of a 40-degree summer.
While Australian females are going to the beach in their bikinis, some cannot understand
why they are fully clothed. However, it is the culture in which they belong to and the ethic
and values they have been taught that influence the way they dress.
Try to introduce your
point regarding the
negative impact of
stereotypes on business
more directly. It should
be expressed in the first
sentence if possible (topic
sentence)
Individuals are exposed to several stereotypes on a day-to-day basis. These stereotypes portray different groups of people in a way that is accepted by wider so-ciety. In
the workplace, these stereotypes contribute to people’s intolerance to other cultures.
Mass media play a significant role in boosting stereotypes and the way people think. The
newspaper article ‘Why I love this country’ (Ilhan 2007) gives the opinion of why Australia
is a wonderful place to live in. John Ilhan wasn’t born in Australia, but came here when he
was young with his Turkish parents, and because of his Muslim faith has acquired some
harsh stereotypes. Ilhan (2007, p. 4) says that ‘immigrants must learn the Australian way of
life and culture, and learn the English language.’ He continues to reflect on how significant
the heritage of Australia is. ‘Australia doesn’t owe us anything. We owe Australia.’ And this
is why John Ilhan, founder of Crazy Johns and wrote this for Australia Day before he died
three weeks ago. Ilhan found that he was exposed to stereotypes and wrote this article to
show the public that although he is of Muslim faith, he is still an Australian and knows the
culture and has lived here for many years. Stereotyping is an unjust and prejudice thing
and wider society needs to learn that there is no one thing that any culture adheres to.
The role of the conclusion
is to restate your thesis
and summarise the points
you made tin support of
it. You have not done this
clearly.
In conclusion, it is essential that the personal and the business world understand the
value of a multicultural workplace. It will lead to a better awareness of be-haviours,
which are acceptable. With the knowledge and understanding of the factors in creating
problems within cross-cultural communication, listening can be improved and therefore
miscommunication quashed. It is now becoming acceptable to understand people’s
behaviour in terms of region, culture, religion, ethnicity or language group (Eunson 2005).
This assists in explaining the reasons as to why miscommunications happen and the
understandings people must accredit to those who are finding it difficult.
Table 5: Sample student text from Business with problematic features highlighted