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Chapter Eight
Choosing Others: Dating and Mate Selection
Why do We Date?
• Manifest Functions Fulfilled
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Maturation
Fun and recreation
Companionship
Love and affection
Mate selection
Why do We Date?
• Latent Functions Fulfilled
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Socialization
Social status
Fulfillment of ego needs
Sexual experimentation and intimacy
Big business
The Dating Traditions
• Gender role scripts – who does what
• Bat mitzvah and bar mitzvah—rites of
passage in the Jewish community.
• Proms
• “Going steady” and “getting pinned” were
popular after WWII.
• What are the terms now?
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“Going with” or “going together”
“Hang out.”
“Getting together”
“Hooking up”
How Do We Meet People
Personal ads—published in mainstream
magazines, on the Web, etc.
Mail-order brides — 200+ international
services
Cyber dating & Online Matchmaking
How Do We Meet People?
Professional matchmakers—make a
living by matching people up.
Speed dating
Choosing Whom We Date:
Choices and Constraints
• What constrains us when it comes to
who we date?
Homogamy
• Homogamy refers to dating or
marrying someone with similar
backgrounds to our own.
• Why are we attracted to similarity?
Filter Theory
• According to filter theory, we use
specific criteria and narrow number of
candidates.
• What filters do you use?
Why Do We Date?
• Sociologists consider dating a marriage
market in which the participants look at the
assets and liabilities in each partner and
decide which is the best for what they have
to offer.
Who’s Available
Census Data – Who’s available
• Who’s Not in Prison?
• The Times interviewed parents Carl Harris and
Charlene Hamilton, whose daughters grew up
without a father. Mr. Harris, a crack dealer who
received a 20-year prison sentence at the age of
24, was forced to abandon his family when he was
locked up.
http://rt.com/usa/incarceration-african-black-prison-606/
Results of Men In Prison
“Basically, I was locked up with him,” she told
the Times. “My mind was locked up. My life
was locked up. Our daughters grew up
without a father.”
“A man will have three mistresses, and they’ll
each put up with it because there are no
other men around,” Hamilton said.
Epidemiologists believe the AIDS rate
among African-Americans would be lower if
the incarceration rate dropped.
Theories of Mate Selection
Social exchange theory—posits that
people will begin and remain in a
relationship if the rewards are higher
than the costs.
Equity theory—an intimate relationship
is satisfying and stable if both partners
see it as equitable and mutually
beneficial.
How We Evaluate a Relationship
Outcome Level – satisfaction based on rewards vs.
costs.
Comparison Level – comparison with past
relationships and other’s relationships
Comparison Alternative Level – comparison with next
best option (dependency)
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OL + Clalt > CL = Happy and not dependent
OL > CL > Clalt = Happy but dependent
CL > OL > Clalt = Unhappy without alternatives
Relationship Violence
When would you say “I deserved that”
after someone to hit you?
Relationship Violence
• Survey of 200 teens, 46% said she
was responsible.
Relationship Violence
• Types of violence
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Physical
Emotional
Sexual
Relationship Violence
• May come from jealousy
• May appear as pattern of control
• Controlling behaviors
• The narcissist
Cycle of Abuse
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Honeymoon Phase
Tension Building Phase
Acting Out Phase
Honeymoon Phase