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Chapter Outline
•
Developing a Smooth Flow of
Communication
•
Communication Skills Men and Women: Do
They Speak the Same Language?
•
Communication and Family Conflict
•
Family Life in the Information Age
Communication
•
Communication is the sending and receiving
of messages, intentional and unintentional,
verbal and nonverbal.
•
Communication is basic to every human
relationship.
Factors Related to Communication:
•
Trusting and confiding in one another
•
Trying new ways to deal with problems
•
Working together to solve problems
•
Expressing caring and affection for each
other daily
Factors Related to Communication:
•
At least one family member talking to his/her
parents regularly
•
Sharing feelings and concerns with close
friends
•
Parents spending time with teenagers for
private talks
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Checking in and out with each other
Good communication

Helps minimize hostilities

Conflict management is essential to all
intimate relationships

A person whose lack of communication skills
finally leads to the demise of their marriage
will soon find that any new relationship is also
in trouble
Communication failure

When communication is not accomplishing
what it is suppose to.

People seek pleasure and avoid pain

It is important to try to avoid negative
thoughts and communicate in a positive
manner
The Foundation Blocks of Successful
Communication
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Commitment: The partners must be committed to
make their relationship healthy and strong.
§
Couples often seek marriage counseling to late
and so much pain and suffering have occurred
that the commitment is destroyed
§
Principal of least interest
The Foundation Blocks of
Successful Communication
§
Growth orientation: The partners must accept
the fact that their relationship will always be
dynamic and changing, rather than static.
The Foundation Blocks of
Successful Communication
§
Noncoercive atmosphere: The partners must
feel free to be themselves, to be open, and to
be honest.

This cannot exist in a one-sided, totalitarian
relationship
3 types of marriages?

Laissez-faire: both partners have total
freedom of choice and action

Democratic: shared responsibility and
authority

Autocratic: both have responsibilities but
authority is assigned to a single leader
Communication Skills
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Communication Motivation: A felt need to
communicate
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Communication Skill: The ability to
accomplish one’s communication goals
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Communication Behavior: Verbal and
nonverbal actions that a person takes to
accomplish his/ her goals
Identifying Problem
Ownership
Clarifying responsibility, or
problem ownership, is an
important first step in problemsolving communication.
Self-assertion
Self-assertion is the process of
recognizing and expressing one’s
feelings, opinions, and attitudes
while remaining aware of the
feelings and needs of others.
You-, I-, and We-Statements

You statements are least effective in problem
solving situations.

Tend to create distance between people by
placing blame on the other

Create and maintain an adversarial “I versus
you or them” relationship
You-, I-, and We-Statements

I statements locate the feelings or concerns
inside the person who is making the
statement, rather than placing the problem on
the other partner


Less apt to provoke resistance
The other person however has been made
aware that he/she is the cause of the other
persons discontent
You-, I-, and We-Statements

We statements place the problem in the
group or relationship rather than on one of
the individuals in the relationship

Center the problem in both persons or in the
group, places responsibility on both people
Empathic Listening
Empathy means not only
understanding what the speaker
is saying, but also responding to
and feeling the speaker’s
nonverbal communications and
emotions.
Empathic Listening

Focus on the person who is talking

Nonjudgmental and accepting

Lets the speaker know that the listener hears
and cares

Listen fully not selectively
Nonverbal
Communication
If we are to be good listeners,
part of our attention needs to be
directed to the nonverbal
communications of the speaker,
often referred to as body
language.
Nonverbal communication

Emotions are reflected throughout the body



Hand gestures
Eye contact/avoidance of
Very descriptive of a persons feelings



Bodily expressions
Facial expressions
Personal space
Negotiating
In negotiation, the partners
alternate between self-assertion
and empathic listening.
How women and men
communicate

Page 140, lets go over this
Conflict-Causing Communication
Strategies
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Denial: when one partner does not
acknowledge the problem.
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Disqualification: when the person intends to
cover an emotion and deny that a real conflict
exists.
Conflict-Causing Communication
Strategies
•
Displacement: the person places emotional
reactions somewhere other than the real
conflict source.
•
Disengagement: family members avoid
conflict simply by avoiding one another.
Conflict-Causing Communication
Strategies
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Pseudomutuality: Family members appear to
be perfectly happy and delighted with each
other. In this style of anger, no hint of discord
is ever allowed to spoil the image of
perfection.
5 negative types of couple
interaction
1.
Contempt- indicating one partner is inferior
or undesirable
2.
Criticism- making disapproving judgments
about one’s partner
3.
Defensiveness- not listening, but defending
oneself against attack
4.
stonewalling- refusing to listen to a partners
complaints
5.
Belligerence- being provocative challenging
a partner’s power and authority
Anger

Mild anger episodes can strengthen relationships in
some cases

Constructive anger can alert a person to a problem
in the relationship (i.u,we statements)

Repressing anger over a long period of time can
lead to emotional detachment and indifference
Topics of Conflict
Handling money, dividing household
tasks, relative relationships, jobs,
social activities, alcohol use,
moodiness, handling anger, and
children all appear to be possible
areas of conflict for many couples.
1. The ability to accomplish one’s communication
goals is
a)
b)
c)
d)
Communication Behavior
Communication Motivation
Communication Skill
Commitment
Answer: c
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The ability to accomplish one’s
communication goals is called
communication skill.
2. According to the text, this is basic to every human
relationship.
a)
b)
c)
d)
Commitment
Growth
Trust
Communication
Answer: d
•
Communication is basic to every human
relationship.
3. The process of recognizing and expressing
one’s feelings, opinions, and attitudes while
remaining aware of the feelings and needs of
others is
a)
b)
c)
d)
Commitment
Self-assertion
Communication
Problem Ownership
3. The process of recognizing and expressing
one’s feelings, opinions, and attitudes while
remaining aware of the feelings and needs of
others is
a)
b)
c)
d)
Commitment
Self-assertion
Communication
Problem Ownership