Download Carlock Master Class Family Comm

Exploring and
Strengthening
Your Family
Communication
Randel Carlock
Berghmans Lhoist Chaired
Professor in Entrepreneurial
Leadership
Founding Director, Wendel
International Centre for
Family Enterprise
INSEAD - Europe and
Asia
0
What is Communication? The Basis of All Relationships
Communication is when one person affects another;
it includes all human behavior.
Effective communication is listening to create a dialogue between
two or more persons with a goal of sharing information. The
communication process is completed when the receiver has
understood the sender’s message through feedback.
Exercise: Family Communication Questionnaire
Listed below are a series of statements that represent possible feelings that individuals might have about their family. Based on
your feelings about your family, please indicate your degree of agreement or disagreement with each statement by using one of
the five response choices below to rate each statement. Total your points as a tool for discussing family communications.
RESPONSE CHOICES
1
DOES NOT
describe our
family at all
2
SLIGHTLY
describes our
family
3
SOMEWHAT
describes our
Family
4
GENERALLY
describes our
family
5
VERY WELL
describes our
family
For each of the following statements, choose the number that best describes your family:
_____
1.
Family members are satisfied with how we communicate with each other.
_____
2.
Family members are good listeners.
_____
3.
Family members express affection to each other.
_____
4.
Family members talk about important issues.
_____
5.
When angry, family members avoid saying things that would be better left unsaid.
_____
6.
Family members discuss their beliefs and ideas with each other.
_____
7.
When family members ask questions of each other, we get honest answers.
_____
8.
Family members try to understand each other’s feelings.
_____
9.
Family members calmly discuss problems with each other.
_____
10.
We express our true feelings to each other
_____
Total Points
© 1996 D. H. Olson. Family Social Science. University of Minnesota. Modified 1999 by Randel S. Carlock
Family Communication Assessment Scoring
Family Communications
Effectiveness Rating
Communications
Score
Very High
50-44
High
43-38
Moderate
37-33
Low
32-29
Very Low
28-15
Positive Interpersonal Relationships Make a Happy Life
Happiness Dimensions of a Life
Family
Relationship Dimensions of a Life
Family
Friends
Marriage/
partnership
Extended
Family
Friends
Marriage/
partnership
Extended
Family
Next
generation
Community/so
ciety
Next
generation
Community/s
ociety
Environment
Work/career/v
ocation
Environment
Work/career/
vocation
Health &
fitness
Financial
Spiritual
Growth &
learning
Health &
fitness
Financial
Spiritual
Growth &
learning
Communication is not Easy for many Reasons
Sending the message
Encoding message
I agree! A new car
will be great for our
family!
Our careers are
going well and I
think we need a
new car!
Decoding message
Encoding message
Sending the message
Communications Skill One
Deeper Levels of Listening
Engaging in several
tasks including text
And conversation
Multi task listening
Conversational listening
Engaged but thinking of
rebuttals, your ideas
and point of view etc.
Confrontational listening
Active listening
Outside of yourself,
aware of both content
and meaning, hearing
with your 3rd ear
Casual listening, not
deeply engaged,
appearing interested
Deep listening
Very focused on what
the other person,
reflecting their ideas,
words and thinking
Communications Skill Two
Deep Listening Means Deep Respect
Effectiveness
Low
Respect and
Valuing
the Relationship
Lack of respect for
Feelings of others
Somewhat
respectful
of others feelings
High
Consistently
respectful of
other’s feelings
Communications Skill Three
Demonstrating Reflective or Active Listening
• Reflective listening starts with hearing not
speaking
• Reflective listening demonstrates hearing
and empathy
• Reflective listening means refusing to
think for the other
• Reflective listening is learning to discover
the other person’s inner qualities
Effectiveness
Low
Reflective
Listening
Seldom
reflects ideas
High
Sometimes
reflects
ideas
Often reflects
ideas
Communications Skill Four
Self-disclosure and “I” Statements
•
Values based (I believe)
•
Self disclosure (I am sad)
•
Demonstrated commitment to relationships (I
need you)
•
Strengthens family relationships based on trust (I
am hurt)
•
Key activity for problem-solving (I can help)
Effectiveness
Low
Self-disclosure
Low sharing of
feelings
“I” Statements
Often speaks for
others
High
High sharing of
feelings
Speaks for oneself
more than for
others
Moderate
sharing
of feelings
Speaks mainly
for oneself
Thank you for Listening
Listening may be the most beautiful gift that we
can give someone, it is like telling the other
person: You are important to me, you are
interesting, I am happy that you are here