Download Psychology 3533 Understanding Human Sexuality

Psychology 3533
Understanding Human Sexuality
Elena Hannah
CHAPTER 10: SEXUAL EXPRESSION AND COMMUNICATION
 Definitions:
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Autoeroticism
Erogenous Zone
Masturbation
Dildo
Coitus
Cunnilingus
Fellatio
Anilingus
Aphrodisiac
Anaphrodisiac
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 Smells:
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North American hang-ups
 Precautions
For Anal Sex
 French Attitude – Bidet
 Sex and Work; Sex as Work
 Performance Anxiety
 Newfoundland Statistics
CHAPTER 10
 Male
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Masturbation:
remember Oscar Wilde
 However:
not a preparation for
heterosexual sex for men
 Women:
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masturbation helps in heterosexual sex
 Gender
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Differences in Fantasy:
more detailed and elaborate in women.
Influence of culture.
CHAPTER 10
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Sex toys for solo sex or couples.
Variety. Therapeutic uses.
Giving permission to enjoy sex.
Techniques vs. genuine pleasure in
giving pleasure, focus on partner.
Importance of other senses, cleanliness.
Verbal sex.
CHAPTER 10
 Is
sex natural or does it require
learning?
 Basic impulse natural, behaviours to
satisfy mostly learned. Interesting
cultural differences.
TWO PERSON SEX
 General
and specific touching
 Can use hands, mouth, other body parts
or objects
 Vary touch, pressure, speed and
frequency based on reactions (verbal and
non-verbal)
TWO PERSON SEX
 Most
common erogenous zones:
 Males: penis, scrotum, area in front of the
anus (prostate gland)
 Females: nipples, whole breast, clitoris,
labia minora, mons
 These stimulations can lead to orgasm,
and/or be a preparation for sexual
intercourse
CHAPTER 10
 Foreplay:
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can begin hours before sexual intercourse, in
the kitchen, car, shopping mall, etc.: looks,
words
On the scene:
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touching
movements
sounds
smells
sights
varied speed and duration
Great variability between and within individuals
(fast/slow, rough/gentle, etc.)
TWO PERSON SEX
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Positions for penis-in-vagina intercourse; most
common:
man on top (missionary)
woman on top
rear entry
sideways
Almost endless variations
Oral-genital sex: cunnilingus, fellatio, sixty-nine
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Taste of ejaculate:
• bitter: coffee, alcohol, cigarettes, pot
• sharp: red meats, greasy foods, dairy, asparagus, spinach,
broccoli
• mild: vegetarian diet, fruit (pineapple), parsley, celery
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More likely in higher SES/education
CHAPTER 10
 Rule
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of Thumb:
ask (do you like this?) and observe
reactions.
 Role
trust.
of emotional involvement, love,
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Communication
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Communication:
• extremely important. Most problems involve
communication failure
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Patterns of Interaction:
• constructive vs. destructive
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constructive interaction strengthens human bonds and
enhances self-esteem
• Intimacy entails mutual self-disclosure. Need for
truthfulness, leads to trust. Trust strengthens
intimacy.
CHAPTER 10

Communication (Cont’d):
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Truth in Sex:
• Private vs. Public Talk
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Importance of non-verbal communication
(90%)
Intent:
• what you mean to say
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Impact:
• what the other hears
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Need for frequent clarification of both
CHAPTER 10
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Communication (Cont’d):
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Ambiguous vs. Non-Ambiguous Messages
 Fair Fighting
 Misinterpretation of Sex Signals
 Focus 10.2:
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Tannen’s Work
• Men tend to use language for information, status and oneupmanship
• Women tend to use language to get close, for intimacy,
sharing, rapport
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Recent research shows #s not so great, but are there
CHAPTER 10
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Communication (Cont’d):
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Receiving message:
• active listening
• non-defensive
• really listen
• feedback:
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I heard you say … paraphrasing
 Validation
 Non-Verbal
Communication
CHAPTER 10
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Communication (Cont’d):
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Active Listening:
• attentive body language, appropriate facial
expressions, asking questions, making brief
comments
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Paraphrasing, showing true
understanding of the message:
• rephrasing in own words what the listener
heard. Opportunity to clarify
misunderstandings.
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Communication (Cont’d):
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Feedback:
• communicate verbally our reaction to the
message
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Acceptance of Message:
• I really appreciate your telling me this. Your
disclosure sheds a lot of light on our
problem. What you told me makes it easier
for me to understand where you’re coming
from.
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Communication (Cont’d):
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Unconditional Positive Regard
• Conveying that you love the person no matter what
they reveal
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When questioning, use open-ended questions
rather than yes/no questions
• E.g. of yes/no:
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Do you like oral sex?
Did you come?
• E.g. of open-ended:
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What gives you the most pleasure?
Where do you like to be touched?
What are your feelings about oral sex?
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Communication (Cont’d):
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“I” statements”
• “You don’t care about me” vs. “I feel
ignored”.
• “You upset me” vs. “I’m upset”.
• “You don’t love me” vs. “I feel unloved”.
CHAPTER 10
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Communication (Cont’d):
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Documenting:
• stick to specifics
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Leveling:
• be honest and clear
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Editing:
• leave out hurtful comments
CHAPTER 10
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Communication (Cont’d):
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Alexithymia:
• Inability to verbalize one’s feelings or
emotions, or even be aware of them.
• Very common in men.
• Due to gender role socialization.
• In today’s context it has become
dysfunctional.
CHAPTER 10
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Communication (Cont’d):
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Alexithymia:
• Fear, sadness and shame:
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transformed into aggression
• Caring emotions:
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transformed into sex
CHAPTER 10
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Communication (Cont’d):
 Destructive
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patterns of interaction:
Criticism
Contempt
Defensiveness
Attack
Withdrawal, stonewalling