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Interpersonal Communication
Interpersonal Communication
“ to speak, you have to address
another or others. People in their right
minds do not stray through the woods
just talking at random to nobody.
Even to talk to yourself you have to
pretend that you are two people.”
-Walter Ong
Interpersonal Communication
Introduction:
Our human senses provides us with data
from our environment.
Within that data we discover patterns
which evoke in our minds concepts that
are given meaning in part by our
personal experiences (schema) and in
part by the social conventions of the
groups in which we live.
Interpersonal Communication
Intro continued
While it is true that it is by means of
communication that humans express their inner
selves, it is equally true that humans are only
able to express themselves within the context
of the societies in which they live.
Similarly, while it is true that it is the social
context that gives meaning to the thoughts,
emotions, and ideas of the individual members,
it is equally true that human communication is
the process that establishes and defines human
societies.
Interpersonal Communication
Intro continued
However, scholars who try to move further in either of
these two directions – towards the self, or towards
society – find out that they cannot. At least not AND study
communication
If the focus of study is internal, individual and private then
it is beyond the study of communication and into the
realm of psychology, cognitive studies, or biology
If the focus of study is external, available, and social then
it is beyond the study of communication and into the
realm of sociology, political science, economics, etc.
Communication is an activity whose source is found in
the thoughts and actions of individual human beings.
Interpersonal Communication
Intro continued
In this section we will look at:
The interactive aspect of human
communication
How these interaction occur
How human relationships form and disperse
The problem of how the communicators
cannot directly experience each other’s
“self”
Interpersonal Communication
No matter how much effort one
person might put into understanding
another person’s message, he or she
can only receive it as a coded signal,
and in their own minds receivers can
only know what they decode the
signal to mean.
Interpersonal Communication
Similarly, when a sender takes that
which only s/he knows, and puts it
forth to be noticed by others, no
matter how much effort the sender
puts into trying to share his/her
experiences, it cannot be done
directly – messages must be encoded
as signals before they can be sent.
Interpersonal Communication
Because human communication
happens on many channels
simultaneously and involves continual
feedback, it is impossible to define
one person as the sender and the
other as the receiver.
(Shannon and weaver cannot explain
this kind of interactive communication
because of the complexity involved.)
Interpersonal Communication
The consequence of these two facts-1. that humans cannot know each others’ minds
directly,
2. and that the exchange of signals in human
communication is extremely complex
Means that interpersonal communication is not so
much a sending of clear, distinct messages
as a continual interpretation of an ongoing
stream of data in which the meanings of the
messages are continually renegotiated by the
participants.
Interpersonal Communication
As one anthropologist put it:
“When we talk about communication we are not talking about
a situation in which John acts and Mary reacts to John’s
action and in turn John reacts to Mary’s action in some
simple, ongoing, one-after-another sequence. Essentially, we
discuss communication as a complex and sustaining system
through which various members of the society interrelate
with more or less efficiency and facility. According to
communications theory, John does not communicate to
Mary, and Mary does not communicate to John; Mary and
John engage in communication”
Birdwhistle , 12
The word engagement is important here.
Interpersonal Communication
Communication is something that is not
only something that one human being does
to others, but something that humans do
together.
Individuals use communication to explore,
control and enjoy their environments, but
just as truly, communication “uses” them as
members of society.
Interpersonal Communication
This observation implies that in the
presence of other people, everything
that humans say or do (including
nothing) is noticed by others and has
meaning to them.
As an illustration of this consider one
particular type of communication that
we use everyday but seldom think
about…
Interpersonal Communication
NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION
All Language is communication but very little communication
is language.
With the 5 senses and body communication in general, our
non-linguistic modes of communication in society include
music, the visual arts, the visual aspects of film and
television; kinship, status, money, sex, and power; accent,
height, shape and beauty; much mathematics, dreams, and
fantasy; images, ideals, emotions, and desires; the
production and exchange of commodities; and class, caste,
race, and sex.
--- Anthony Wilden
Interpersonal Communication
Non-verbal communication makes no
use of the words, sentences,
grammar, and other structures that we
associate with spoken and written
language.
The term “non-verbal” refers to a
number of different communication
processes – gestures, facial
expressions, odors, touch, and so on.
Interpersonal Communication
Types of non-verbal studies:
KINESICS
Even within the United States there are “high smile”
areas, such as the South, where people do a lot of
smiling, and “low smile” areas where they don’t – for
example, New England, or even the more dour
western part of New York state.
– In the great Lakes region, a person who does a lot of
smiling may be asked what’s so funny;
– in Georgia, someone who doesn’t smile much may be
asked what’s wrong.
– Its not that people who smile more are happier, but
rather that as children all of us learn in which situations
we are expected to smile and in which ones we’re not
expected to, and we learn differently in different parts
of the country.
Interpersonal Communication
The term kinesics (k’ nees ix), was
coined by anthropologist Ray
Birdwhitsell to describe the role of
body movement in communication.
It refers to gestures, posture, facial
expressions, and other bodily
movements.
For example: the gestures we call
“smile” and “frown”
Interpersonal Communication
Although the difference between a
“smile” and a “frown” might seem to
convey only a simple message, a
small change in the arrangement of a
speaker’s or listener’s face can
dramatically alter the meaning of the
words being exchanged.
Interpersonal Communication
Consider these two variations of a
fictional exchange of communication
between Carlos and Marissa.
Although the words are the same in
each case, the facial expressions are
different.
SITUATION 1
Carlos: Hi
Marissa: Hi
Carlos: are you going to the party tonight?
Marissa: No. Probably not.
Carlos: Oh.
SITUATION 2
Carlos: Hi
Marissa: Hi
Carlos: are you going to the party tonight?
Marissa: No. Probably not.
Carlos: Oh.
Interpersonal Communication
What can be said about the first
conversation?
It would seem that the two
participants seem glad to see one
another; that Carlos is looking forward
to the party; that Marissa is
disappointed that she won’t be going;
that Carlos is too.
Interpersonal Communication
What can be said about the second
conversation?
In this case Marissa does not seem
happy to see Carlos; she is not upset
that she won’t be going to the party;
and that Carlos is disappointed that
Marissa won’t be going.
Interpersonal Communication
How do we know this?
We don’t. – not for 100% sure.
When humans perceive an expression that
is interpreted as a smile, they usually take it
to imply a certain state of mind is present in
the sender, and similarly with a frown.
As babies, we begin to notice the attitudes
of people around us when they smile and
frown, and our life experiences from then on
have reinforced those early interpretations
Interpersonal Communication
Non-verbal communication is very
complex.
In the previous examples
communication occurs on two
channels – an aural channel that
carries the spoken language, and a
visual channel that carries the nonverbal facial expressions.
Interpersonal Communication
However, even though it isn’t marked,
additional non-verbal communication
is present.
For example: the visual channel carries
the hand gestures and body positions of
the two participants, and the aural
channel carries each speaker’s tone of
voice and the way each pauses and
punctuates his and her speech.
Interpersonal Communication
Additional example of the power of
facial expression:
Interpersonal Communication
How do you “read” each expression –
that is, what does the person’s
expression tell you about his/her state
of mind?
Notice that in face E, the eyelid has
also moved. Does this make the
interpretation easier or more difficult?
Interpersonal Communication
Facial expressions operate as
indexes. That is they are directly
connected to the emotions of the
individual.
Because of this they are extremely
powerful tools for communication.
Interpersonal Communication
“Most encounters begin with eye contact. As an
opening gesture, it has distinct advantages – it can
be so tentative that the looker need not own up and
take responsibility for it, as he would have to if he
spoke his greeting. Nevertheless, as Goffman has
pointed out, once an American has allowed another
to catch his eye, he’s held to be open to whatever
follows. That’s why waitresses develop such skill at
not allowing their eyes to be caught when they’re
particularly busy. Children learn this particular
function of eye contact very early. When he was
just two-years old, my son, confined in a car seat
and longing to complain, would keep turning his
head to look at me but he wouldn’t say a word until
I allowed him to catch my eye.”
--Davis 1973, 69
Interpersonal Communication
As an example consider the next set
of faces in which the shape of the
eyebrows, the shape of the eyes, and
the shape of the mouth are all subject
to change.
Interpersonal Communication
Although much effort has gone into
the study of facial expressions and
other bodily movements, scholars are
far from understanding this very
complex means of communication.
There are many books and articles
written about the study of “body
language” if you are interested in
studying it further.
Interpersonal Communication
Distance and Space
The term proxemics was coined by Edward Hall
to describe the role of distance and
arrangement in human communication.
By distance we how close together or far apart
the participants are
By arrangement e mean the orientation of the
bodies – are they face-to-face, back-to-back, at
an angle to one another?
Hall’s studies showed not only that these are
important in communication, but that their use
differs from one society to another.
Interpersonal Communication
For example: the arrangement by which
people sit down around a table has much
to do with the communication that
follows.
D
F
F – A Across the corner
C—B
E
A
side by side
C – D Across the table
E – A From one end to the other
C
B
E – F Diagonally the length of table
C – F Diagonally across the table
Interpersonal Communication
While this seems to make a certain amount
of sense, i.e., “closer together” means
“more likely to converse,” other aspects of
arrangement are more complex.
The angle and distance that people put
between themselves in conversation often
indicates the closeness or their
relationship, yet this distance varies from
one society to another.
Interpersonal Communication
In American society, for example,
angle and distance often indicate the
relationship of the participants and the
intensity of their interaction.
side-by-side
90° Angle
face-to-face
Interpersonal Communication
In the United States side-by-side
conversation is usually more
impersonal – as, for example, in the
kind of conversation you might have
with someone standing beside you in
a crowd at a concert or while
watching a parade.
side-by-side
90° Angle
face-to-face
Interpersonal Communication
People who arrange themselves at a
90°angle are more likely to interact with
one another. This pattern is often seen in
conversation at parties– participants are
able to interact with a certain amount of
closeness, but they can also watch what is
going on around them.
side-by-side
90° Angle
face-to-face
Interpersonal Communication
Face-to-face communication is the most
private arrangement and it is often
associated with emotional expression. For
example, people who are arguing will often
place themselves face-to-face, as will close
friends who are engaged in an intimate
discussion.
side-by-side
90° Angle
face-to-face
Interpersonal Communication
The distance that two people put
between them in face-to-face
conversation varies considerably from
one society to another.
Some Mediterranean societies, for
example, favor closeness, while some
Asian societies, for example, favor
closeness, while some Asian societies
favor great distance.
Interpersonal Communication
Hall conducted extensive studies in the
differences between American and Arab
proxemics, noting, for example that:
…it used to puzzle me that a special Arab friend seemed unable
to walk and talk at the same time. After years in the United
States, he could not bring himself to stroll along, facing
forward while talking. Our progress would be arrested while
he edged ahead, cutting slightly in front of me and turning
sideways so that we could see each other. Once in this
position, he would stop. His behavior was explained when I
learned that for the Arabs to view the other person
peripherally is regarded as impolite, and to sit or stand backto-back is considered very rude. You must be involved when
interacting with Arabs who are friends.
--Hall 1969, 161
Interpersonal Communication
Proxemics includes many other aspects of nonverbal communication, including such as touching
behavior, posture, odor, body heat, eye contact,
and loudness or softness of speech.
Because human beings cannot live other than
together in the contexts of their societies, they
must be continually aware of one another.
And because in the presence of others such nonverbal acts as body movements, distances and
arrangements, odors, eye contact and the like
continually send messages whether we want them
to or not.
Interpersonal Communication
Speech Acts
…speaking a language is performing
speech acts, acts such as making
statements, giving commands, asking
questions, making promises, and so on.
-- John Searle
Interpersonal Communication
Suppose during dinner one evening you get
up, walk across the room, turn on the
faucet, and pour yourself a glass of water –
clearly, you performed an action.
Now, suppose that you are having dinner and
you ask a dinner partner to get you a glass
of water. This is also an action…the action
of asking. Speech, then, is not something
that just happens by coincidence. Rather,
to speak is to act.
Interpersonal Communication
One of the original scholars in this
area, Searle, identifies four basic
categories of speech acts such as:
utterances, propositional utterances,
illocutionary utterances, and
perlocutionary utterances.
These are not separate and
independent of each other. Rather
they are similar to building blocks.
Interpersonal Communication
Utterance
An utterance is a spoken word or string of
spoken words.
At the simplest level, to utter is simply to say a
word with no particular forethought or intention
to communicate meaning.
For Example, if you put your hand on the hood
of a car sitting out in the hot sun, you might
quickly pull it back while uttering the word, “oh!”
In this case, you don’t intend to communicate
meaning by this – it is simply a reflex action
brought on by surprise. (Someone who hears
you might take it to mean domething, but you
did not plan on it.)
Interpersonal Communication
Examples of pure utterances include
such as sing-song rhymes while
jumping rope or making choices (such
as for example, “one potato. Two
potato, three potato, four…”), singing
“scales” for practice, and other similar
meaningless expressions.
Interpersonal Communication
Propositional utterance
A more meaningful type of utterance makes
reference to or describes a real or imaginary
object.
In the act of making a propositional utterance
the speaker gains the opportunity to interact. If
speaker and listener are using the same code,
and if both recognize the object to which the
speaker is referring, then it becomes possible
for them to share meaning.
Interpersonal Communication
Propositional utterances need not be
sentences, and they do not have to
intend anything. Any phrase that
identifies or specifies something is a
propositional utterance.
It is important to see utterances and
propositions are not separate
categories – a proposition utterance is
a particular kind of utterance.
Interpersonal Communication
Illocutionary utterance
An illocutionary utterance is spoken with
the intention of making contact with a
listener.
Illocutionary utterances are usually
sentences that contain propositional
utterances, that is, they refer to things in
the world – but it is their intentional
nature that is of the most importance.
Interpersonal Communication
Once it becomes clear that the
speaker’s intention is important to the
meaning of an utterance, it can be seen
that the same set of words might have
different meanings depending on the
speaker’s intention.
This leads scholars to further categorize
illocutionary utterances in terms of how
they communicate such intent.
Interpersonal Communication
For example,
Consider the sentence, “I’m tired.”
Depending on the intention of the speaker, this utterance could
mean any of the following:
CONTEXT
INTENTION
MEANING
TYPE OF ACT
A friend has just
asked how I feel
To answer the
question
I feel fatigued
Statement
Someone I’m trying
to avoid has asked
me if I’d like to go
out tonight
To politely avoid her
I’d rather not
Statement
My husband and I
are watching a
football game on
television
That we do
something else
Could we turn this
off?
It’s late and my
small children are
asking if we can go
to the movies
To put them to bed
No, go to bed
Question or request
Command
Interpersonal Communication
Perlocutionary Utterances
Illocutionary speech acts may be
intended to provide information, solicit
answers to questions, give praise, and
so on, but they don’t necessarily require
that the listener change his/her behavior.
Perlocutionary utterances, on the other
hand, do attempt to effect a change.
Interpersonal Communication
As with the others, perlocutionary
speech acts are utterances; they
include propositions, and they intend
interaction with the receiver.
Thus, Searle’s model consists of a
series of levels, each of which forms
as the foundation for the levels that
rests upon it.
UTTERANCES
PROPOSITIONAL UTTERANCES
ILLOCUTIONARY UTTERANCES
PERLOCUTIONARY UTTERANCES
The intention to affect behavior
The intention to interact
Reference to other things
Words
The Speech Act Model
Interpersonal Communication
Its important to remember that each
speech act may be followed by a
return act on the part of the receiver.
Next we will consider how
communication with feedback leads to
the kind of continuing communication
that supports human relationships.
Interpersonal Communication
QUIZ
Decide which type of speech act is
represented by each of these statements.
1. Your teacher says, “ For class
tomorrow, please read pages twentyone through forty-seven.”
UTTERANCE
PROPOSITIONAL
ILLOCUTIONARY PERLOCUTIONARY
Interpersonal Communication
2. While talking to a group of friends, you
mention that you recently went to hear your
favorite band play at a local club.
UTTERANCE PROPOSITIONAL
ILLOCUTIONARY PERLOCUTIONARY
3. You and a friend are talking about a television
show that you both watched the night before.
You say, “what did you think about Luke’s
reaction to Laura’s news?”
UTTERANCE PROPOSITIONAL
ILLOCUTIONARY PERLOCUTIONARY
Interpersonal Communication
4. When you discover that the grade you got
on your math exam is a “B”, you let out a
sigh of relief.
UTTERANCE PROPOSITIONAL
ILLOCUTIONARY PERLOCUTIONARY
5. While sitting on a dock that sticks out into
the ocean, you see a dolphin. It surfaces
nearby and makes a series of highpitched sounds: “Chweee, chweee,
chweee.”
UTTERANCE PROPOSITIONAL
ILLOCUTIONARY PERLOCUTIONARY
Interpersonal Communication
6. For the last hour you have been riding
alone with your parents as they look at
houses that they might want to buy, and
they have not said much to you recently.
As the car passes through a
neighborhood with a house that has a
“For Sale” sign out front, you exclaim,
“Oh! There’s a nice house.”
UTTERANCE PROPOSITIONAL
ILLOCUTIONARY PERLOCUTIONARY
Interpersonal Communication
Relationships
Relationships are based not only on the
exchange of information but also on
interpersonal perceptions. A
relationship is defined not so much by
what is said as by the partners'
expectations for behavior.
- Littlejohn, 262
Interpersonal Communication
As scholars study the many ways in
which individuals interact within
society, they have discovered that
some kinds of interactions are
frequently repeated.
These continuous patterns of
interaction are called relationships,
and many interesting questions about
them can be asked -- for example:
Interpersonal Communication
How many different kinds of relationships
are there?
Human relationships include such as friendto-friend, enemy-to-enemy, parent-to-child,
sibling-to-sibling, employer-to-employee,
and many more. Each of these has its own
unique pattern of interactions, and so
scholars might wonder how many different
types of relationship there could be, and
how they might be categorized?
Interpersonal Communication
How do relationships begin?
The mother/child relationship begins at (or
perhaps before) birth. The
employer/employee relationship begins
with (or perhaps before) an offer of
employment. Scholars wonder how each of
the various kinds of relationships get
started, and seek to find general patterns
that might be present at the beginning of all
relationships.
Interpersonal Communication
How do relationships end?
The ending of a relationship involves a change in the
quality and amount of the communication between
the participants. Sometimes this occurs suddenly,
as when a parent dies, and sometimes it occurs
over a period of years, as when two friends "drift
apart." Scholars wonder how interaction patterns
change as relationships dissolve. They also study
the kinds of relationships that, instead of ending,
change from one type to another - as, for example,
when "friends" become "lovers."
Interpersonal Communication
What is the role of communication in
relationships?
Some relationships continue, and some don't.
Many, if not most, relationships change
over time, some becoming "closer and
more intimate;" some "more distant."
Scholars attempt to define terms such as
"close" and "distant", and they investigate
the role that communication plays in
maintaining relationships.
Interpersonal Communication
Because humans spend their entire lives engaged
in ongoing relationships of many kinds, the study
of relationships is important to understanding dayto-day life in any society.
Much more has been written on this subject than
could ever be covered here - so, the theories and
models that are discussed next were chosen to
illustrate a variety of approaches to the study of
communication in relationships. If you find this
subject interesting, a wealth of books and articles
await you in the library and/or on the internet.
Interpersonal Communication
CONTEXT
Because one person can never directly
know the contents of another person's
mind, one can ever be exactly sure how
others are interpreting his or her
messages. Another way of saying this is to
point out that humans cannot be absolutely
sure of the context in which others are
decoding their messages.
Interpersonal Communication
The study of speech acts shows the
importance of context in human
communication.
If two people are to understand one
another, not only must they speak the
same language, but they must make the
same assumptions with regard to what is
not said. This can lead to situations in
which both participants assume that they
understand what is being said when in fact
they do not.
Consider the following example:
Interpersonal Communication
Two college students, Karen and Mike,
converse as they leave their classroom
building late one Friday afternoon. "Will
you meet me at the party tonight?" Karen
says. "Yes," Mike replies. "It's a date."
They meet again on Saturday at lunch time
in the cafeteria. "Where were you?!" says
Mike. "Me!?" Karen replies, "I was there.
You're the one who didn't show up."
Interpersonal Communication
What's the problem here? Clearly Karen and Mike
understood what they said to one another on
Friday. How did they come to be so confused by
Saturday?
The answer of course is not in the content of their
speech but rather in its context -- in what was not
said. Each participant took the phrase "the party"
to refer to a party that they knew was to be
happening that evening, and each knew of a
different party. Thus, even though their statements
were true and communicated the proper
intentions, the final result was unexpected.
Interpersonal Communication
Because humans cannot
communicate all of the details that
relate to all of their messages all of
the time, speakers often depend on
the listener's knowledge of context to
be the same as theirs.
Interpersonal Communication
One way to view the nature of human
relationships, is to see interpersonal
communication not as two people throwing
messages at one another, but as two people
engaged in dancing.
In communicating, as in dancing, the partners
move in reaction to, but also in anticipation of, one
another's steps. If one or the other steps off in an
unexpected direction, the other becomes confused
and may not be able to follow.
In communication, as in dance, it makes little
sense to speak of what each partner does on his
or her own -- it is their mutual interaction that
constitutes the process.
Interpersonal Communication
KNOWING OTHERS
In order for us to deal with other human
beings in any systematic and
comfortable way, they must behave in a
predictable manner. In turn we must
behave predictably if we are to
comprehend ourselves, much less be
predictable to them. Being in some
measure predictable constitutes the sine
qua non of sanity and humanity.
- Ray Birdwhistle
Interpersonal Communication
Scholars who observe human relationships find
that certain patterns of behavior occur over and
over again, and that these can be identified in
terms of rules.
Human beings find themselves constrained by
many rules, some of which we never notice.
For example, we find ourselves unable to jump up
and hang suspended in the air. This is a constraint
that is imposed on all who reside on large chunks
of matter such as planets, and we are so
accustomed to it, that we seldom think about it.
Similarly, at an early age most of us learn the
constraint that we cannot breath water, and as
with the "gravity" rule, we simply follow it without
further thought.
Interpersonal Communication
The constraints imposed by social rules can be
just as invisible, but a significant difference
between natural and social rules is that social
rules are amenable to change.
For example, for many decades in American
society, if a man and a woman arrived at a door
simultaneously, the woman was constrained to
wait for the man to act, either by passing through
the door, or by offering to pass her through first.
That pattern of behavior has changed, and today
the "women must wait" rule no longer applies.
Interpersonal Communication
The "rules" approach to the study of human
relationships argues that relationships develop
within the constraints of social rules as people
engage in communication with one another.
The rules-based theory focuses on the
developmental aspect of social rules.
This theory, which was created by Gerald Miller
and Mark Steinberg argues that people work
within the constraints of three different kinds of
rules while they develop increasingly accurate
information about those who they meet.
Interpersonal Communication
These rules constrain behavior in an increasingly
narrow focus.
Cultural rules are followed by everyone,
sociological rules by the members of particular subgroups,
and psychological rules by two individuals.
Miller and Steinberg argue that relationships
develop as the participants become
constrained by progressively tighter sets of
rules. That is, complete strangers are likely to
follow cultural rules in their interaction.
Members of a group shift to sociological rules.
And, people who know one another well will
develop and follow psychological rules.
Interpersonal Communication
The Miller-Steinberg Model: Rules
Cultural Rules are the rules of broadest scope -- they constrain
everyone in the whole society. In U.S. society, for example, it is a
cultural rule that everyone should wear clothing at all times in
public.
Sociological Rules pertain to the subgroups that a person belongs
to within the larger society. "White collar" workers, for example,
wear suits to work, while "airline" workers wear uniforms. Not all
subgroups follow the same rules. For example, at many colleges,
the students wear relaxed, informal clothing to class. At other
colleges, however, students wear suits, and at some, they wear
uniforms.
Psychological Rules are the rules that two individuals create
between themselves as they get to know one another. For example,
as part of a couple going "out" to dinner, a husband might wear a
fancy shirt that his wife had given him to signal that he hopes this
will be an especially romantic evening. Or, two close friends might
wear jewelry that they have given each other to communicate their
dedication to one another.
Interpersonal Communication
As the rules become more tightly
focused, the participants become
better able to predict each others'
behavior. In terms of information, the
tighter the rules become, the more
uncertainty they eliminate. Thus,
psychological rules are more
informative than sociological rules,
which are more informative than
cultural rules.
Interpersonal Communication
In the same way that relationships
progress through levels of rules as they
develop, people's knowledge of their
partners in the relationship changes.
As the participants in a relationship
become more and more able to predict
each other's behavior, they feel as if they
"know" one another better and better.
Miller and Steinberg use three kinds of
"knowing" to describe the development of
relationships:
Interpersonal Communication
The Miller-Steinberg Model: Ways of Knowing
Descriptive Knowing allows us to recognize an individual
by means of his or her unique set of identifying
characteristics. For example, my friend, Mark, is short with
dark hair, has long arms, and so forth. He has a particular
way of standing and walking, and when I see him, even at a
distance, I know that it is him.
Predictive Knowing allows us to anticipate a person's
behavior. For example, I know that when I hit a tennis ball to
my friend Carol's backhand, that she will usually try to return
it straight ahead into the back corner of the court.
Explanatory Knowing allows us to have insight into the
reasons why others act as they do. For example, I am one of
the few people who knows that Brenda avoids James Bond
movies because she and her former husband, who she
misses terribly, went to see Diamonds Are Forever on their
first date.
Interpersonal Communication
As with the three levels of rules, the levels
of knowing become increasingly personal.
The Miller-Steinberg model says that as
relationships develop, the participants
gradually move towards explanatory
knowing and psychological rules as they
gain more and more information about one
another. In other words, as a relationship
grows stronger,
it grows increasingly
personal.
Interpersonal Communication
The Miller-Steinberg model is called a
structural model because it predicts that all
relationship patterns will have a certain
shape, or structure, as they develop over
time.
Notice, however, that while the model
predicts that as relationships become
stronger they will become more personal, it
has little to say about how the sharing of
personal information actually comes about.
The next section introduces a model that
investigates precisely that.
Interpersonal Communication
SELF-DISCLOSURE
As the participants in a relationship come
to know one another more completely, the
quality of their relationship tends to
deepen. An area of communication study
that has to do with how this comes about is
called self-disclosure.
Self-disclosure describes the ways in which
humans provide others with information
about themselves.
Interpersonal Communication
One simple, clear model
of self disclosure was
developed by
Joseph
Luft and
Harrington
Ingram in
1969. The
Johari
Window, as it is called, describes an
individual in terms of what is known
to him- or her-self and to others.
Interpersonal Communication
In the Johari Window model the Free
Area represents characteristics of
myself that have been shared with
others -- in other words, things I know
about myself that others know, too.
Interpersonal Communication
The Hidden Area represents
characteristics of myself that haven't
been shared with others.
Interpersonal Communication
The Blind Area represents public
characteristics of myself that are not
self-knowledge, that is, I don't know
about them, but others do.
Interpersonal Communication
The Unknown Area represents
characteristics of myself that are
known to no one, including myself.
Interpersonal Communication
Consider some examples:
Late in afternoon of a day on which I have missed lunch, I
find myself at a wedding reception. The host asks if I am
hungry. I am, but for reasons of my own, perhaps out of
politeness because no one else is eating yet, I say that I am
not. The knowledge that I am hungry is in the Hidden Area. I
know it, but no one else does.
Ali and most of Ali's friends know that he is allergic to cats.
This information is in his Free Area.
Margie, who often plays poker with her friends, has a habit of
smiling whenever she is "bluffing." She doesn't realize this,
but some of her friends do. This information is in Margie's
Blind Area.
Andrea has not yet discovered that she is pregnant. No one
else knows this, either. This fact is in her Unknown Area.
Interpersonal Communication
Taken together, Speech Act Theory,
the Miller-Steinberg Model and the
Johari Window provide us with many
interesting insights into the
interactive, engaging nature of human
communication.
Interpersonal Communication
For example,
consider a situation in which the speaker performs a
perlocutionary act (in an attempt to influence the
behavior of the receiver).
In doing so the speaker may be basing his or her
choice of message on assumptions that are false
because they are contained in the receivers
Hidden Area. In that case the receiver may be
unsure as to how to interpret the message and
may respond with a different action than the
speaker expects.
Interpersonal Communication
Interpersonal Communication
On the other hand, the receiver may
possess information from the addresser's
Blind Area, and may respond in a way that
seems arbitrary or mysterious to the
speaker but which in reality is based on the
self-characteristics that the speaker doesn't
know about.
Each of these situations may unfold
differently depending on the level of
communication rules and the level of
knowledge in use by the participants.
Interpersonal Communication
For example, in a previous example
we spoke of Margie who, when she
plays poker with her friends, has a
habit of smiling whenever she is
"bluffing." This information is in
Margie's Blind Area which means that
she doesn't realize it, although some
of her friends do.
Interpersonal Communication
Suppose that Margie makes a fairly large bet on a
relatively poor holding of cards, hoping to "fake
out" or "bluff" the other players into dropping out.
By this perlocutionary speech act she intends to
influence the others' behavior. But some of the
others see her smile and, recognizing that she is
bluffing, refuse to act as she wishes them to.
To Margie this response is at first puzzling, but if it
continues for a period of time, she may notice the
pattern and eventually deduce that she is giving
away her plans.
At this point, she may decline to self-disclose and
use her new self-knowledge to "fake" a bluff when
in fact she has a good hand.
Of course, if she succeeds at this, she will then
have disclosed this new knowledge (albeit
indirectly) to her friends.
Interpersonal Communication
Self-disclosure informs one participant in a
relationship about the other and thus
makes both more knowledgeable of the
context of their relationship. Thus, selfdisclosure can lead to the development of
personal rules and to closer and more
tightly focused relationships.
The next section shows how
misunderstanding can arise even when
both participants are satisfied with their
knowledge of one another.
Interpersonal Communication
PUNCTUATION
A group of theorists known as the
"Palo Alto Group," who are
represented here by the theories of
Paul Watzlawick, shift the focus of
communication in relationships from
the intentions of the individual
participants to their mutual interaction
within a communication system.
Interpersonal Communication
Watzlawick's model of interactive
communication separates the content
of the communication (or what is said)
from the form of the communication
(or how it is said).
Interpersonal Communication
Watzlawick's model of interactive
communication separates the content
of the communication (or what is said)
from the form of the communication
(or how it is said). In illustration of
this, consider Watzlawick's theory of
punctuation.
Interpersonal Communication
Relationships become stronger as the
participants become increasingly able to
predict one another's behavior.
Punctuation describes the way that
communicators anticipate the outcomes of
communication events as they organize the
reality of their day-to-day lives.
In particular, punctuation occurs when one
of the participants changes his or her
behavior based on an anticipation of what
the other will say before he or she actually
says it.
Interpersonal Communication
As an example of this, consider the situation in
which a student receives from a professor an
assignment to write a paper.
The student may punctuate this assignment by
anticipating that the professor expects the paper to
be a certain length, or to be written in a certain
style, and so may set out to write what the student
thinks the professor "wants."
The product of this process will be different than
what would have been produced if the student had
not taken the professor's preferences into account.
Interpersonal Communication
Because punctuation is an act that involves
one communicator's interpretation of
another's expectations, its effects tend to
produce ambiguity. In this case, for
example, it might be argued that the
student's creativity has been restricted by
this punctuation. But it also might be
argued that the punctuation gives guidance
to a student who is learning how to write.
Interpersonal Communication
As the participants in a relationship
punctuate their ongoing communication,
patterns of recurring behavior can arise.
For example, consider the relationship of
Tania and Gerald, two people who truly
enjoy one other's company. Tania likes to
"sit and chat" and enjoys "fixing up" and
doing odd jobs around the house. Gerald
likes to "fish" and enjoys the relaxed
atmosphere of being out on the water.
Interpersonal Communication
After a few weeks inside the house, Gerald begins
to feel "cooped up," on-the-other-hand, sitting in a
fishing boat all day leaves Tania feeling restless
and "bored."
At first, at home, they both feel good. But as Tania
keeps talking and finding new household fix-it jobs
for Gerald to do, he begins to feel cooped-up.
Tania anticipates his unhappiness and so she
suggests that they go fishing. At first, on the boat,
they both feel good. But as Gerald relaxes and
withdraws into his own thoughts, Tania begins to
feel bored. Gerald anticipates her unhappiness
and so he suggests that they go home.
Interpersonal Communication
Interpersonal Communication
Even though the participants encounter the same
data in the course of their communication, each
derives different information.
Tania punctuates the communication with regard
to Gerald's feeling "cooped-up," and Gerald
punctuates it in terms of Tania feeling "bored."
The result of this is that they establish a pattern of
behavior that neither of them fully comprehends.
In fact each of them would probably say that the
other is "causing" them to cut their favorite activity
short.
Interpersonal Communication
As with each of the theories and models
presented, there is much more to be said
of the work of Watzlawick and the Palo Alto
Group,
but the point of emphasize here is their
notion that a relationship is a system in
which the individual participants are only
partly responsible for what happens, and
that the full behavior of the system includes
effects that arise only as the two
participants interact.
Interpersonal Communication
COORDINATED MANAGEMENT OF
MEANING
... the individual must learn to behave in
appropriate ways which permit the other
members of the group to recognize and
anticipate his behavior. Society is that way
in which behavior is calibrated so that
existence is not a process of continuous
and wasteful trial and error.
- Ray Birdwhistle
Interpersonal Communication
Coordinated Management of Meaning (or,
CMM, as it will be abbreviated here) is not
a single theory -- rather, it is a unified
collection of interrelated definitions and
explanations, some of which have been
presented in other sections.
Taken together, the six elements of the
CMM model define a hierarchy of situations
and actions that describes the
"communication dance."
Interpersonal Communication
According to CMM, each of us recognizes and makes use of
the cultural patterns of our society. These are similar to what
other models call "social conventions." Within those patterns,
we "know who we are" -- that is, each of us posses a selfconcept. When we interact with others we do so in the
context of a relationship, and each contact
occurs as a particular
event or episode.
Our face-to-face
communication
consists primarily
of speech acts which
frame the actual words,
or the content, of our
speech.
Interpersonal Communication
CMM focuses neither on the individual
thoughts of the communicators, nor on the
characteristics of the society in which they
live. Instead, it focuses on the interaction
between the communicators and among
the communicators and the members of
the society. It is this interaction that
generates the meaning of the messages
that are sent and received.
Interpersonal Communication
To begin, imagine that there are two
people who are about to
communicate with one another in a
face-to-face situation.
Content
The content of the communication described by
CMM is contained in sentences that are spoken
aloud by the communicants.
The notion of content -- as data and information,
as signs, and as the paradigms and syntagms of
language appears in many of the theories
presented.
In this case the content is a series of vocal sounds
which the example represents by the string of
symbols: "Where's the beef?"
It is important to see that the content, by itself, is
not sufficient to establish the meaning of the
communication. All six levels of the model must
work together to do that.
Speech Act
Speech act theory is an integral part of the
CMM model. This theory defines
illocutionary speech as speech that intends
to make contact with a receiver and
perlocutionary speech as speech that
intends to alter the behavior of the receiver.
There are many different kinds of
illocutionary and perlocutionary acts -questions, answers, commands, promises,
and so forth -- and the participants'
knowledge of these plays a part in the
communication
The phrase "Where's the beef?" could be a
question -- that is, the speaker could be asking
where she might find the beef, or it might be a
statement -- that is, in response to the request
"Name a famous fast food advertising slogan from
the 1980s" she might respond, "Where's the
beef?"
The exchange between the two communicants is
constrained by the rules of the speech act. In this
example we will stipulate that the speaker is
asking a question -- this normally means that the
receiver feels obligated to respond with a
statement in the form of an "answer."
Episode
Every instance of face-to-face communication
occurs somewhere at some time and in the
context of whatever else is going on at the time.
This setting is called the episode. The same
content takes on different meanings when uttered
in different settings. A phrase used in a joke told
over dinner in a restaurant, for example, may take
on a very different meaning when used to make a
point in an argument that occurs at the office.
Although the type of speech act and the type of
episode both affect the meaning of the content,
they are not independent of one another. In other
words the episode plays a part in determining
which kind of speech act is in use, and the speech
acts play a part in defining the episode.
Relationship
The fact that they are speaking relates the
communicants to one another. At the very least,
they are two strangers, or they may be spouses,
coworkers, owner/employee, parent/child,
teacher/student, friends, enemies, and so on.
(And, of course, they might simultaneously be two
or more of these.)
As was noted earlier, the levels of the CMM model
affect one another. Thus, the relationship level
interacts with the episode, the speech act and the
content.
In this example we now reveal that the speaker is
the teacher and the other participant a student.
Self-Concept
The second person's response will
depend in part on the participants'
conceptions of "who they are," and on
the extent to which they have
disclosed their self-concepts to one
another.
If the teacher sees herself as a somewhat
humorous, interactive individual, then she
probably presents many questions to her
classes, and likely she presents some of
them as interesting puzzles or jokes.
If the student sees himself as a serious
intellectual, then it is likely that he will try to
respond with the correct answer to the
teacher's question.
Cultural Patterns
To some extent each of us acts in accordance with
the cultural values of our society, and these may
have to do with such as race, economic class,
gender, and ethnic background.
For example, people who work in the offices of
large corporations usually wear suits to work and
talk about business during lunch. People who live
in cardboard boxes on the streets of large cities
wear old clothes and don't meet regularly for
lunch. Men often refer to sports in their
conversation. Women often tell stories about their
personal experiences.
In this example suppose that the teacher is a
woman with a middle-class American cultural
background. Given her self-concept we might
expect her to conduct class in a relaxed setting
with much weight put on classroom discussion.
And, suppose that the student is a man with an
upper-class Chinese cultural background. In a
traditional Chinese educational setting, students
are expected to pay a great deal of respect to their
teachers and to remain quiet unless called upon.
Interpersonal Communication
In this case, then, the student might find
himself in an uncomfortable setting with a
teacher who is acting in what seems to be
a strange and unpredictable manner.
On the other hand, the teacher might feel
that the student is unprepared, not very
bright, extremely shy or otherwise unable
to participate in the class.
Because of their diverse cultural
backgrounds, they may have difficulty
doing the communication dance.
The “Dance”
The Dance
The author recalls a moment in high school
English class during which a seriously intellectual
teacher asked a humorously interactive student to
name the instrument being played by the damsel
in Coleridge's poem Kubla Khan. "A one-string
fiddle," the student replied, thereby earning a trip
to the principal's office.
He wasn't trying to be impolite, of course, but she
took it that way.
This is the essence of the CMM approach to faceto-face communication -- in the dance, the
partners have to agree on how to do the steps -- if
they don't, it doesn't work.
Interpersonal Communication
In summary, notice once again that the
Coordinated Management of Meaning
model focuses neither on the individual
thoughts of the communicators, nor on the
specific characteristics of the society in
which they live. Instead, it focuses on the
interaction between the communicators
within the context the society. It is this
interaction that generates the meaning of
the messages that are sent and received.