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Chapter 9
Communication in
Relationships
Chapter Outline
The Nature of Interpersonal Communication
• Principles and Techniques of Effective
Communication
• Self-Disclosure, Honesty, and Lying
• Gender Differences in Communication
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Chapter Outline
Theories Applied to Relationship
Communication
• Conflicts in Relationships
• Fighting Fair: Five Steps in Conflict
Resolution
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True or False?
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It is possible to predict who is likely to be
unfaithful in a relationship.
Answer: True
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It is possible to predict who is likely to be
unfaithful in a relationship.
True or False?
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Lying about the number of previous partners
was the most frequently reported lie told by a
sample of university students.
Answer: True
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Lying about the number of previous partners
was the most frequently reported lie told by a
sample of university students.
Communication
Can be defined as the process of exchanging
information and feelings between two people.
• Although most communication is focused on
verbal content, much (estimated to be as high
as 80%) interpersonal communication is
nonverbal.
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Interpersonal Communication
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Pg. 253
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Regardless of what this
couple is saying, they
are communicating
negative nonverbal
feelings by their
behavior.
Principles And Techniques Of
Effective Communication
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Make communication a priority.
Establish and maintain eye contact.
Ask open-ended questions.
Use reflective listening.
Use “I” statements.
Avoid brutal criticism.
Say positive things about your partner.
Principles And Techniques Of
Effective Communication
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Tell your partner what you want.
Stay focused on the issue.
Make specific resolutions to disagreements.
Give congruent messages.
Share power.
Keep the process of communication going.
Question
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The process of exchanging information and
feelings between two people is called
A.
interaction.
B.
rapport.
C.
evaluation.
D.
communication.
Answer: D
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The process of exchanging information and
feelings between two people is called
communication.
Expressions of Power in
Relationships
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Withdrawal
Guilt induction
Being pleasant
Negotiation
Deception
Blackmail
Physical abuse or verbal threats
Criticism
Self-Disclosure
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Involves revealing personal information and feelings
about oneself to another person.
Relationships become more stable when individuals
disclose themselves:
– their formative years
– previous relationships (positive and negative)
– experiences of elation and sadness/depression
– goals (achieved and thwarted)
Extradyadic Activity
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A study noted that extradyadic activity
(kissing or sexual activity) among young
adults who were dating could be predicted.
– Young adults who had a high number of
previous sexual partners, who were
impulsive, who were not satisfied in their
relationship and who had attractive
alternatives were more likely to be
unfaithful.
Forms of Dishonesty and
Deception
In addition to telling a lie, people may
exaggerate the truth, pretend, conceal the
truth, or withhold information.
• Over 95% of university students in one study
reported having lied to their parents when
they were living at home.
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Your Opinion
How important is it to your partner to know
about your past?
• Do you want your partner to tell you
(honestly) about her or his past?
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Should One Partner Disclose
HIV/STD to the Other?
Avoiding disclosure or lying about having an
STD is a serious ethical violation.
• Some states and cities have laws that require
health care providers to advise all persons
with serious sexually transmitted diseases
about the importance of informing their sex or
needle-sharing partner(s).
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Your Opinion
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What do you think the penalty should be for
deliberately exposing a person to an STI?
Gender Differences in
Communication
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Men and women focus on different content in
their conversations.
– Men tend to focus on activities; women, on
relationships.
– To men, talk is information; to women, it is
interaction.
How Close Do You Want to Be?
Individuals differ in their capacity for and
interest in an emotionally close relationship.
• Individuals frequently choose partners
according to an “emotional fit”—agreement
about the amount of closeness they desire.
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How Close Do You Want to Be?
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Pg. 261
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Individuals vary in the degree to which they want to
have an emotionally close relationship. This couple
values emotional intensity.
Theories Applied to
Relationship Communication
Symbolic Interactionism
– Interactionists examine the process of
communication between two actors in
terms of the meanings each attaches to the
actions of the other.
• Social Exchange
– Suggest that communication can be
described as a ratio of rewards to costs.
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Conflicts in Relationships
Conflict is the interaction that results when
the behavior of one person interferes with
behavior of another.
• Conflict is inevitable in any intimate
relationship.
• Conflict can be healthy and productive for a
couple’s relationship.
– Ignoring an issue may result in the partners
becoming resentful and dissatisfied.
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Communication
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Pg. 263
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Daily communication provides the companionship
most couples seek in marriage.
Sources of Conflict
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Behavior
Cognitions and perceptions
Value differences
Inconsistent rules
Leadership ambiguity
Styles of Conflict
Competing Style
– Both partners are assertive and
uncooperative. Each tries to force their so
there is a winner and a loser.
• Collaborating Style
– Both partners are assertive and
cooperative. Each partner expresses his or
her view and cooperates
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Styles of Conflict
Compromising Style
– Both partners would find a middle ground
they could live with.
• Avoiding Style
– The partners are neither assertive nor
cooperative.
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Styles of Conflict
Accommodating Style
– The partners are not assertive but each
accommodates to the other’s point of view.
• Parallel Style
– Both partners deny, ignore, and retreat
from addressing a problem issue.
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Question
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The process of interaction that results when
one partner's behavior interferes with
another is called
A. communication.
B. contact.
C. symbolic interactionism.
D. conflict.
Answer: D
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The process of interaction that results when
one partner's behavior interferes with another
is called conflict.
Steps in Conflict Resolution
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Address Recurring, Disturbing Issues
Identify New Desired Behaviors
Identify Perceptions to Change
Summarize Your Partner’s Perspective
Generate Alternative Win-Win Solutions
Forgive
Be Alert to Defense Mechanisms
Marriage and Health
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Pg. 266
A high quality marriage relationship is good for the
spouse’s health.
Win-win relationships
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Relationships in which conflict is resolved so
each partner benefits from the resolution.
– Win-win
• Both partners get something they want.
– Win-lose
• Only one partner gets what they want.
– Lose-lose
• Both partners get nothing they want.
Defense Mechanisms
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Unconscious techniques that protect
individuals and minimize emotional hurt.
– Escapism
– Rationalization
– Projection
– Displacement
Question
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What is the most ineffective manner of
communication?
A. "I " statements
B. "you" statements
C. saying positive things about your
partner
D. sharing power
Answer: B
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The most ineffective manner of
communication is "you" statements.
Question
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Effective conflict resolution is often blocked
by
A. volatile conflict style.
B. defense mechanisms.
C. lose-lose situations.
D. avoidance.
Answer: B
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Effective conflict resolution is often blocked
by defense mechanisms.
Should Parents Argue
in Front of the Children?
Most therapists agree that being open is best.
• Children need to know relationships involve
conflict and how to resolve conflicts.
• In the absence of such exposure, children
may have an unrealistic view of relationships.
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