Download Styles of Communication

Styles of Communication
Every time we speak, we
choose and use one of three
basic communication styles:
Assertive
Aggressive
Passive
Assertive Communication:
• The most effective and healthiest
form of communication is the
assertive style. It's how we naturally
express ourselves when our selfesteem is intact, giving us the
confidence to communicate without
games and manipulation.
When we are being assertive, we work
hard to create mutually satisfying
solutions. We communicate our needs
clearly and forthrightly. We care about
the relationship and strive for a
win/win situation. We know our limits
and refuse to be pushed beyond them
just because someone else wants or
needs something from us. Surprisingly,
assertive is the style most people use
least.
Behaviours that express
thoughts and feelings in an
open, direct way. You ask
straightforwardly for things
you want, without putting
anyone down. You give an
honest "no" to things you
don't want. You can accept
"no" for an answer.
Examples:
• Speaks clearly and firmly using
statements.
• Shows respect for self and for
others.
• Makes steady eye contact.
• Uses an upright confident body
posture and a pleasant, firm voice.
Examples Con’t
• Speech is honest, direct, to the point and
you use "I" statements.
• Voice is clear, firm, pleasant and relaxed.
• You make direct eye contact without
staring.
• You have an upright confident posture
when you sit or stand
Result
• You may not get what you
want, but you keep your
self respect.
Aggressive Communication:
• Aggressive communication always involves
manipulation. We may attempt to make people do
what we want by inducing guilt (hurt) or by using
intimidation and control tactics (anger). Covert or
overt, we simply want our needs met - and right
now! Although there are a few arenas where
aggressive behavior is called for (i.e., sports or
war), it will never work in a relationship. Ironically,
the more aggressive sports rely heavily on team
members and rational coaching strategies. Even
war might be avoided if we could learn to be more
assertive and negotiate to solve our problems.
Aggressive Communication:
• Behaviours that express thoughts and
feelings in a threatening way. You may
attempt to get your own way by using
putdowns, threats or violating the
other person's rights.
Examples:
• Interrupts, exaggerates, blames,
makes demands; uses sarcasm.
• Makes glaring eye contact - cold,
staring, narrowed and angry.
• Yells, swears, calls names, clenches
fist.
Examples Con’t
• Ignores feelings of others.
• Voice may be tense, loud, harsh or
cold and quiet.
• You may have a stiff rigid posture.
• You may be physically threatening
(pushing, hitting, etc…).
Result:
• You may seem to get what you
want, but, in fact, you stand
to lose friends and self
respect.
Passive Communication:
• Passive communication is based on
compliance and hopes to avoid
confrontation at all costs. In this
mode we don't talk much, question
even less, and actually do very little.
We just don't want to rock the boat.
Passives have learned that it is safer
not to react and better to disappear
than to stand up and be noticed.
Passive Communication:
• Behaviours that do not express
thoughts and feelings. You may give in
and say "yes" when you don't really
want to. You may not speak up when
you want something.
Examples
• Hesitates, apologizes, gives in or says
nothing.
• Makes little eye contact - your eyes may be
downcast or looking away, frowns.
• Speaks in a shy or timid voice, or mumbles
• You may have a slumped posture with
shoulder and head down and with shifting
body movements.
Result:
• You usually do not get what
you want and you feel like
you've been used.