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Communicating your meaning
Forms of communication
• Verbal- written or spoken
• Nonverbal- body language, appearance, and
personal space
Imagine life with no verbal
• Broken Square Game
– Find groups of 5
Effective verbal communication
Speak for yourself, not others
Be clear and direct
Be aware of audience
Ask questions for clarity
I – MESSAGES allow you to:
• Confront people in a positive way.
• Be open, honest, and straightforward about a
person’s unacceptable behavior.
• Avoid putting people on the defensive.
• Appeal for help in solving the problem.
• Communicate ownership of the problem.
YOU MESSAGES are totally ineffective
because they contain language that
sounds abrasive, judgmental,
condescending, or injurious to the selfesteem of the person confronted.
YOU MESSAGES are never well
received for several reasons:
• They make people feel guilty
• They can be interpreted as blame, put downs,
criticism and rejections.
• They communicate a lack of respect for others.
• They often cause reactive or retaliatory behavior.
• They damage the recipients self-esteem.
• They cause resistance rather the openness to
• They can make a person fell hurt, the resentful.
• They are often perceived as punitive.
You Messages contain two major obstacles that
severely inhibit communication and problem
• People don’t like to be told what to do, or
what not to do. They prefer to self-initiate
change when it becomes apparent that their
behavior is not productive for them.
• When the finger of blame is pointed, it
communicates that they should feel guilty and
How to say an “I message”
1. State your feelings
I feel upset…
2. Describe what happen to create those feelings
…when the trash isn’t taken out…
3. Tell the effect
…because I don’t have the time to take it to the
dump myself. Today was the last pick up day this
4. If applicable give a solution to the problem
Perhaps setting a reminder on my phone will
help get the trash out on time for pickup.
Set up I message- “you” is never
used in I messages
Ex. 1
I dislike it when _________ because
Ex. 2
I dislike when the counter is cluttered
because people would think I’m
“I” Message Role Play
• Play out an activity using the prompt
• Write the situation using “You” messages
– Then write saying “I” messages
Listening at numbers
• Get out your calculators- I have a few
• Listen to what I say
– I will NOT repeat a word
– Other students cannot speak or tell you what you
Improve your listening skills
• Give full attention
• Concentrate on what the speaker is saying (not
on what you need)
• Do not interrupt
• Look for non verbal cues pg 78-79
• Avoid quick judgment
• Resist distractions
• Give feedback to indicate you have understood
Body Language
• Interpreting Body Language
• Pg 78-79
Game Time: Telephone
• Discussion Questions:
– What happen to the statement?
– How is this like gossip?
The Effects of Gossip
• How can we avoid gossip?
• How will this effect relationships?
Rumor or gossip? Which is which!?!
• Rumor- a story that is not verified
– Could be true or not
• Gossip- the “juicy” details
– Shocking or personal
• Slander- rumors/ lies about a person to
purposely cause damage
– “Minnie cheats off anyone she sits next too!”
Urban Legends
• Rumors that lasted forever
• “Did you hear that when it’s halftime at the
Super Bowl, water supplies across the U.S. get
used up? It’s because of all the people going to
the bathroom at the same time!”
So why do people gossip?
Part of a group
Control/ power