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Audience-centered writing Julie Reynolds August 30, 2007 Much of the material from this writing module can be found in this book, which I recommend for a fuller study of these writing issues Why say this? An understanding of the causal factors involved in excessive drinking by students could lead to their more effective treatment. When you could say this: We could more effectively treat students who drink excessively if we understood why they do it. Writing fails for many reasons more serious than unclear sentences, including: Complex ideas that are not well organized Exclusionary language, including excessive use of jargon Writers who ignoring reasonable questions and objections to their claims Writers that “plump up” their prose in a misguided attempt to impress those who confuse a dense writing style with deep thinking But probably the biggest reason we write unclearly is…. …Our own ignorance of what our readers already know, what language they are familiar with, and what their level of interest in our topic is “Our own writing always seems clearer to us than it does to our readers, because we read into it what we wanted to mean when we wrote it, an advantage our readers lack.” -- Joseph Williams Principle #1: Are the subjects of your sentences also the topics? Reader expectation theory indicates that readers prefer the grammatical subject of sentences to also be the topic of the sentence. This is not always the case, however, and sometimes we intentionally create sentences in which the topic is not the subject (in order to increase cohesion, for example). In the following passage, notice what the topic of paragraph is, then notice what the grammatical subject of each sentence is. How often does the subject of a sentence differ from the topic of that sentence? Vegetation covers the earth, except for those areas continuously covered with ice or utterly scorched by continual heat. Richly fertilized plains and river valleys are places where plants grow most richly, but also at the edge of perpetual snow in high mountains. The ocean and its edges as well as in and around lakes and swamps are densely vegetated. The cracks of busy sidewalks have plants in them as well as in seemingly barren cliffs. Before humans existed, the earth was covered with vegetation, and the earth will have vegetation long after evolutionary history swallows us up. I have put the topic of the sentences in bold and have underlined the subject of the sentences. Notice that the only place where the topic and the subject are the same is in the first sentence of this paragraph. When this happens, readers often judge writing to be incoherent. Vegetation covers the earth, except for those areas continuously covered with ice or utterly scorched by continual heat. Richly fertilized plains and river valleys are places where plants grow most richly, but also at the edge of perpetual snow in high mountains. The ocean and its edges as well as in and around lakes and swamps are densely vegetated. The cracks of busy sidewalks have plants in them as well as in seemingly barren cliffs. Before humans existed, the earth was covered with vegetation, and the earth will have vegetation long after evolutionary history swallows us up. Now, let’s rewrite this paragraph to make the topics the subjects of sentences more often. We probably don’t want to have this always be the case, for that would lead to monotonous writing. Vegetation covers the earth, except for those areas continuously covered with ice or utterly scorched by continual heat. Plants grow most richly in fertilized plains and river valleys, but they also grow at the edge of perpetual snow in high mountains, along the ocean’s edges, as well as in and around lakes and swamps. Plants even grow within the cracks of busy sidewalks and in seemingly barren cliffs. Before humans existed, the earth was covered with vegetation, and the earth will have vegetation long after evolutionary history swallows us up. Principle #2: Put the action in the verbs Readers also expect the action of the sentence to be in verb, not in nouns or adverbs However, nominalizations (a noun created from a verb or adverb) are fairly common in professional and scholarly writing Writing that has excessive nominalizations tend to be less clear since the action of the sentence is hidden in a noun, when readers expect actions to be in verbs. Example of nominalization The noun discovery is derived from the verb discover. Similarly, discussion is derived from the verb discuss This sentence has the action in the noun “The problem was the topic of our discussion.” This sentence puts the action in the verb “We discussed the problem.” In the following list of words, some are adverbs, some are verbs, and some are nominalizations. Identify the part of speech of each word, and then convert it from a nominalization to an adverb/verb OR from an adverb/verb to a nominalization. Remember that some verbs and nominalizations have the same form (i.e., Poverty causes social problems. Poverty is a cause of social problems.) analysis suggest expression decrease emphasize believe approach failure improve explanation appearance attempt comparison intelligent increase description conclusion define thorough accuracy clear evaluate discuss Revise these sentences for nominalizations to increase clarity. Try to be as concise as possible, but be sure that you do not change the meaning of the sentence. The intention of the committee is to audit the records. There is no need for our further study of this problem . Their loss in sales was a result of their competitors’ expansion of outlets If you need a hint, I have identified the nominalizaitons for you in bold. The intention of the committee is to audit the records. There is no need for our further study of this problem . Their loss in sales was a result of their competitors’ expansion of outlets Here are suggested revisions, with the verbs underlined. The intention of the committee is to audit the records. The committee intends to audit the records There is no need for our further study of this problem. We need not study this problem further. Their loss in sales was a result of their competitors’ expansion of outlets. They lost sales because their competitors expanded their outlets. Now, you can apply these principles to your own writing. Try to make the topic of your sentences also the grammatical subject. Put the action of your sentences in the verbs Remember, these are principles, not rules, and need not be followed all the time. Perfection is the ideal, but the enemy of done. -- Joseph Williams