Download 200 Educating The Concept of Love in Islam Among Muslims

International Conference of Global Islamic Studies 2014
Educating The Concept of Love in Islam Among Muslims
Syaidatun Nazirah Abu Zahrin (Ph.D), Maznah Hj Ibrahim and Fazilah Idris, Assc.
Prof (Ph.D)
Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia
Pusat Pengajian Umum,
Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia,
43600 UKM Bangi,
Selangor Darul Ehsan.
[email protected]
Mobile: +60122056591
Fax: 603 8925 2976
Abstract
The concept of love in Islam is extremely broad. Love can motivate individuals, and
can also reduce dignity when it is misunderstood. This study aims to identify the
Malaysian Muslim youth’ understanding towards the concept of love in Islam. The
objectives of study were to establish the definitions of love in Islam and identify the
sources of learning about love. Muslims, in particular their youths are confused over
the concept of love. This study is an attempt to demonstrate that Muslims could be
motivated to think through proper understanding of the concept of love and in
particular the concept of love for Allah, the Creator. The concept of love in Islam is
broad and not confined to the common understanding of purely romantic love. The
study argues that proper understanding of the concept of love for Allah has embedded
within it the love for the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) and the love for the Qur’an. As a
consequence of this study, a few proposals have been outlined to help inculcate the
feeling of love for Allah, which should produce a dynamic effect among the young
generation. The implication of this study suggested that the understanding and
appreciation of love are particularly relevant to the Muslims in order to address
problems of wrongful behaviors rooted from the misunderstanding of the concept of
love. Parents, teachers, educationalists and policy makers in the Ministry of Education
and Ministry of Youth and Sports, and the individual student themselves in the whole
world, have a great role to play in actualizing and educating the concept of love in
Islam into a motivating factor of thinking and doing the best for Ummah.
Keywords: Love in Islam, youth, education, motivate
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Introduction
In Muslim countries, a bundle of love knowledge was spoken in the scope of the mass
media and popular publications. More motivation experts, speakers, and freelance
missionaries spoke actively about the concept of love through the writing of popular
books, speeches, lectures and forums in the mass media. The presence of these
motivational experts, speakers and preachers delivering on the questions of love has
attracted the Muslims to attend the forums, lectures, courses about family and
community activities. Hence, this phenomenon shows that Muslims are increasingly
concerned and interested in the science of love and also to practice the understanding
of true love in their daily life. However, contrary to that fact, studies done about love
in universities, especially in Malaysia, are still small amounts in number (Syaidatun
2013).
The teachings of love is embedded in the Qur'an as mentioned in Surah Ali Imran
verse 31: "Say, 'If ye do love Allah, follow me (Rasulullah SAW). Allah will love you
and forgive your sins; for Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.'" While in a hadith,
"Truly Allah has said: '....Nothing endears My servant to me than doing of what have
made obligatory upon him to do. And My servant ceases not seeking My nearness by
offering supererogatory (nawafil) prayers till I love him. When I love him, I shall be
his hearing with which he shall hear, his sight with which he shall see, his hands with
which he shall hold, and his feet with which he shall walk; and if he asks Me, I shall
surely give him, and if he takes refuge in Me, shall I certainly give him refuge.' "
(narrated by al-Bukhari, as cited in al-Nawawi, 1996, pp. 71-72.)
In reality, empirical studies on Muslims are still lacking although Islam is the second
largest religion in the world. Advances in scientific studies are hampered by too few
relevant instruments developed by Muslims (Abu Raiya et al., 2008). In addition, the
instrument of love that takes into account the suitability of Muslim respondents in
responding to the question of love in Islam has been very little in number. Since this
study focused on identifying the concept of love in Islam among Muslim Malay
youth, and the sources of learning love were identified, the researchers stressed the
reasonableness of using Islamic based psychological approach in understanding and
applying the Qur'anic and Sunnah teachings specifically in the concept of love in
Islam. Therefore, this article was intended to report the findings of this study which
intended to fulfill these research objectives: 1) to establish the definitions of love in
Islam and 2) to identify the sources of learning about love.
Research Methods
This research employed both qualitative and quantitative approaches, through
literature reviews and the distribution of questionnaires. 599 Malay Muslim students
from six higher institutions in Malaysia involved in this study by answering a short
questionnaire asking the questions of “What do you understand about love” and
“Please state the sources of learning about love.” This study has replicated the study
of Fehr (1988) on understanding the concept of love. The findings were analyze using
NVIVO and descriptive statistics. The definition of love is qualitative in nature and it
was analyzed using thematic approach as suggested by Creswell (2007). In order to
ensure the reliability of the definitions, the researchers had appointed two experts
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from the field of psychology and Islamic studies to assess the definitions of love
according the theme that have been created.
Findings and Discussions
Definition of Love by Muslim Malay Youth
The definition of love given by the Muslim Malay youth in Malaysia shows that they
have an extensive understanding of love. Love has been defined as "A wonderful
feeling in the heart, a natural instinct by the grace of Allah, and bounded by the
shariah. Love is a universal relationship that has the elements of affection,
motivation, sacrifice, understanding, sincerity, honesty and sharing.Love is the union
of two hearts, desire for a relationship after marriage in which actions of love become
permissible. Love subjectively understood is directed to God, the Prophet, parents,
family and fellow creatures.”
The 599 respondents in this study have provided various definitions of love based on
their views. Once analyzed, the researchers divided the definitions according to three
main themes: the purpose of love, the design of love and the elements of love. For the
purpose of love, it means to whom or to what the love is directed. Among them is
love for God, love of creatures, love of Prophet, love of parents, love of family, love
for the needy, the desire to have couple, love for oneself, love for knowledge and love
for religion.
Love design means the appearance of a love that is reflected in the relationship or
association. Among them are love is an award, feeling, relationships based in shariah,
universal, subjective, good faith, the union of two hearts, relationship after marriage,
beautiful, bonding, blind, relations between men and women, gambling, affection,
true and complete (love makes one life become complete).
While, for the elements of love, it means the properties or characteristics of a loving
relationship. Among them are sacrifice, motivation, and behaviorsor actions of love,
commitment, understanding, honesty, partnership, passion, trust, protect, possess,
tolerance, respect, acceptance, compassion , hope, friendship, loyalty , caring and
generous.
Next, a comparison were made between the definitions given by the Muslim Malay
youth and the experts in Psychology and Islamic studies, in order to see whether the
definition of love is timely as required in Islam. It was found that the definition of
love given by the Malay-Muslim youths in universities is not much different from the
definition given by the experts (please refer to Syaidatun 2013). In comparison with
both parties, the answers also highlighted the characteristics of human love and God's
relationship (vertical relationship) and human love relationships with other people
(horizontal relationship). In addition, both parties recognize that the nature of love is
wide and deep as it includes the love of Allah, the Prophet, oneself, your, beings,
knowledge and kindness. While being devoted to a love affair between man and
woman, the relationship referred to by both parties as a' relationship based on the laws
and piety' is onlypermissible in marriage. Thus, this study suggests that a good loving
relationship, meritorious and hosted by Islam, is the love after marriage.
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The findings highlighting the different types of love are consistent with studies
conducted by Rubin (1970) and Sternberg (1988), in which there are many elements
of love in romantic relationships between individuals. However, the researchers found
that there are differences in terms of affection and love between the West and the
Islamic perspectives. The Muslims associate love with God and the Prophet, whereas
this aspect is less spoken by the Western researchers. A very few psychologists says
about love and religion, as for example, Peck (1990) suggest that religion plays a role
in the formation of personality, and this includes the approach of love in religion in
order to educate and reach out to the children. According to him, love and religion are
both equally important and to be uphold in daily life.
However, the concept of love and sex are presented by Freud (1963, 2007) were
against the teachings of Islam as it puts the centrality of self-indulgence (gratifying
one’s lust/nafs) as the subject matter in a loving relationship, which deals with the
relationship between men and women, parents and children, siblings, or even between
same genders. In addition, the study done by Regan, Kocan and Whitlock (1998)
found that sexual urge is one of the special features or central in romantic love. It
turns out that contrary to the findings of this study indicate sexual impulse issimply a
common features in the definition of love, not a central feature of love.
In Islam, preserve the dignity and sanctity of oneself is very important and this can be
done by getting married or fasting (for those who cannot afford a marriage). Reviews
done on the Freud’s writings (1963, 2007) discovered that a variety of psychological
problems are centered on the desires and thoughts alone. He gave the impression if
the sexual desire is not fulfilled properly, or retarded caused by sexual abuse from
childhood, these become the root causes of the problems of love and sex that occurs in
adulthood. There is no doubt that the need to meet the sexual demands is important
for most people, but to understand the fact that love has many different types and
variations, these studies confirmed that sex is one of the common characteristics of
love, not the most important or fundamental. This is the fact that the most central
feature is to love God, not the gratification of lust. Gratification of lust is lawful,
between the husband and wife. In fact,it is a form of worship. However, the love of
God is the highest form of worship. The love of God is not only accessible to the
saints, scholars or the prophets, but it can also be enjoyed by the common people(alGhazali 1967, 2009).
Sources of Learning Love
In general, there are various sources of youth learn love, in which “friend” was the
highest contributing factor of 391 (65.3%), followed by“reading” of 332 (55.4 %),
“families” of 234 (39.1%), “school/university”of 219 (36.6%), “other” of 148 (24.7%)
and teachers/lecturers of 114 (19.0%). “Other” sources are made up of a total of 61
answered for “self”, 61 “media”, 14 “environment” and only 2 persons admitted that
the reading of the Qur'an and Hadith are the sources for them to learn about love.
According to this study, the highest source of learning about love is their friends. This
finding is supported by research done by Jumali et. al. (2010) and Muammar (2008)
which shows that adolescence is greatly influenced by external factors, including their
peer friends. Youth spend time with their peers at school and in the higher institutions
learning. Based on the family upbringing and one’s value system, youth are free to
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choose the kind of friends or colleagues who they wish to attach with. The importance
of choosing a good partner is crucialbecause they can influence the youth in making
judgments, decisions and actions. They love to chat and share experiences and
feelings with peers and friends.
Thus, when their friends are good, then they will behave. On the other hand, if their
friends do not behave well, then they will not behave well (Patterson & Dishion
1985). This is construed in accordance with the theory of moral development
(Kohlberg 1971) on the fifth stage in which the consciousness of the individual's right
make youth easily influenced by groups pursued because there are elements of
democracy and freedom of choice. Therefore, efforts to educate the concept of love
should be done among the students of secondary schools and institutions of higher
education because at this age they are more dependent on their peers. An accurate
understanding of the concept of love in Islam and ethics of love will be able to guide
young people to take care of themselves and avoid adultery with honor.
Reading is the second highest source of learning about love. There are a lot of
interesting reading materials about love that can be easily found in grocery stores and
large supermarkets. Among these are tabloids and magazines that spread the Islamic
understanding of love, as in Malaysian context, “I Luv Islam”, “Gen-Q”, “Nur” and
“Solusi.”Nevertheless, some youth were influenced by reading materialsthat
misrepresent or highlighting negative elements about love such as entertainment
magazines, Western novels, and romance comics produced for purely commercial
purposes. In fact in Malaysia, love much has been said in the scope of mass media and
popular publications. More and more motivation experts, speakers, and freelance
missionaries actively deal with the question of love through writing popular books,
speeches, lectures and forums in the fields and mass media. For example,
motivational experts, speakers and independent missionaries are Mohd Fadhilah
Kamsah (2005) , HM Tuah (2005, 2008, 2009), Hasrizal (2008, 2009, 2010, 2012),
PahrolJuoi (2006, 2009, 2010, 2012), Fatima Syarha (2007, 2011) and Farhan Hadi
(2010, 2012). The phenomenon deals with the question of love in Islam widely spread
through the mass media, popular publications, lectures and public speeches should be
a challenge to the academicians, especially Muslim psychologists and educationists.
According to this study, the family is the third source for young people to learn about
love, contrary to the fact that parents should be the first people to do so. In Malay
culture, love or sex are rarely discussed by common parents, except by those who are
highly educated. The implications of the gap in the relationship of parents and their
children, making them looking for friends or lover to fill the vacancy. Parents should
be the first human loved by children, and up to last a lifetime, love of parents should
not be faded. In addition, family members such as siblings also should serve to teach
the concept of love among each other. The study of the factors the parent-child
relationship has deepened further by other researchers focus on the aspects of
attachment (see Agars, McClure& Peacock 2003; Miller & Vock 2002). Close
relationship between parents and children will make youth feel valued and have the
support of their parents when they need it (Juliana Rosmidah 2005). In addition,
parents are directly involved in romantic relationships among adolescents (Florsheim,
Moore & Edgington 2003). Previous studies have shown that aspects of the
attachment between parent-child relationship as important as a mechanism to prevent
the kids from indulging themselves with delinquent acts. In addition, the type of
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parent-child attachment can predict whether children will be involved in adultery or
not (Fricker 2006) .
The study conducted by Jas Laile et al. (2008) found that family is the biggest factor
contributing to the happiness of individuals, followed by intrapersonal and
interpersonal relations. The study also found that family also is the biggest factor
contributing to the happiness of individuals in Malaysia and Indonesia. Families,
especially parents, are the ones who first invented the definition of love in the life of
the baby. A baby born into a family of those who uphold the teachings of Islam, must
be greeted with azan and iqamah. The first word heard by a Muslim child is the word
“Allah”. Thus, the parents are responsible for creating the love for Allah, educating
and raising children with love and care, and instills trust in them to the concept of
love in Islam.
Educational institutions, namely the school and university occupies fifth place as a
resource to learn about love. During this study take place (2013), researchers found
that there is no school or higher institutions of learning in Malaysia offer a subject or
a course specifically on love. The researchers identified four subjects that deliver
knowledge on love, i.e. Social Psychology, sex education, parenting and Tasawwuf.
However, these subjects are offered to certain groups only. Schools and Higher
Education Institutions only teach love as sub-topics across the curriculum, there is no
specific subject of "love” taught in Malaysia, but only in forums, public speeches and
reality programs on TV. Thus, results from this study, the researchers felt it is timely
to put the subject of love in the Malaysian education system. This coincided with the
invocation done by Saqeb (1999) that the education system must be revised and to
include the elements of love, as enshrined in the Qur'an and Sunnah.
Knox and Sporakowski (1968) and Prentice, Briggs and Bradley (1983) argued that
university students are exposed to the serious nature of romance. Thus, researchers are
seeing the importance of educating youth about love in the institutions of formal
education. According to this study, teachers and lecturers are the last resource for
youth to study about love. This is because there is no love of the subject or subjects
that are taught in the schools and in the institutions of higher learning. The subject of
love has been taught at the University of Southern California by Leo Buscaglia and it
got an overwhelming response from the students (see Buscaglia 1982). Researchers
are not sure whether the subject of love has taught at the universities of U.S. or
Britain, but a variety of forums, symposiums and conferences were held in the name
of "love". Studying the phenomenon of love is too new in Malaysia, only spelt out in
forums and speeches, but not yet mention as the main theme of a symposium or
conference. Subject or subjects of love, have not been taught in any school or
institution of formal education, especially in Malaysia.
Some respondents answered that they knew about love naturally, without anyone
teach or inform them. Love is a human nature, as human natural instinct need for food
and drink (Abdullah 1997). Every man and woman naturally want to be loved and to
give love. Youth who think rationally and morally when they are in love are capable
to have self-control, preserve the honor and dignity of the family (Sidek 2009).
Individuals should also be able to find out about how they experience love style by
associating it with their sexual experiences. Western psychologists study (Frey &
Hojjat 1998) found that there is a relationship between the love styles and manner of
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sexual styles. Love can also be understood through biological or physical of the
individuals (Zeki 2007). Thus, love can indeed be understood by individuals naturally
through reflection, understanding, and biological changes in the individuals
The mass media is another source of learning about the love, namely the TV shows,
internet, radio shows featuring about love in films and love songs. Mass media and
communication tools also play an important role because it is very close to the youth
(Muammar 2008). In addition, parents also play a key role in setting the appropriate
media for children (Elkind 1993). Almost every day people listening to radio and
watching television. The role played by the mass media and mass communications
technology give an easy access to information about love, whether positively or
negatively.
In introducing the concept of love of Islam, the researcher sternly believed that
nasyeed songs have played an important role in educating Muslims about
understanding love, especially when listening to the songs of the divine nature,
religion and love that is universal in nature. Among the most famous Muslim singers
nasyeed or artists are Maher Zain, Sami Yusuf, Yusuf Islam, Haddad Alwi, Hafiz
Hamidon, Amar and others. While the famous nasyeed group from Malaysia and
Indonesia are Raihan, Rabbani, Hijjaz, InTeam, Unic, Saujana, Opick, Edcoustic,
Snada, Saff One and many more.
This study proved that the concept of love in Islam is broad and not confined to the
common understanding of purely romantic love. The proper understanding of the
concept of love for Allah has embedded within it the love for the Prophet Muhammad
(pbuh) and the love for the Qur’an (Syaidatun 2004). As has been witness by the
answers given by the Malaysian Muslim youth in higher education institutions in the
six universities selected, they had highlighted the importance of Allah, Rasulullah
SAW, Qur’an and Sunnah in understanding the concept of love in Islam. There are
many verses of the Qur'an and Hadith that says about love. It have been discovered
that there are more than 70 verses in the Qur'an that touch on the topic of love and
hate, and more than 300 hadiths spoke about love in life (Syaidatun, Rozmi&Fazilah
2010).
However, one point that should be highlighted to Muslims today is that even though
Qur’an is mostly read, hadith or sunnah are not widely read by common people
(besides Islamic academicians, ulama or religious teachers). Thus, the efforts of
highlighting the Quranic verses and hadith that bring the messages of love are very
crucial nowadays.
Implications and Conclusion
As a conclusion, this study suggested that the Malaysian Muslim youth defined the
concept of love in Islam in a broad and does not confined to romantic relationships
alone. The highest form of love is directed and regarded to Allah SWT. Thus, the
inculcation of the feelings of love for Allah should be done in all walks of life. The
feelings of love for Allah SWT shall not be in a shallow manner. It should be very
deep and manifested in one’s characters, thoughts and actions. Doing things for Allah
is sincerity, and this will lead to the appreciation of Prophet Muhammad’s way of
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living and the well-being of Muslims in the whole world. The word of love in Islam
should promote peace, well-being and happiness in this world, and the Hereafter.
This study suggests that the understanding and appreciation of love are particularly
relevant to the adolescents in order to address problems of wrongful behaviors rooted
from the misunderstanding of the concept of love. Parents, teachers, educationalists
and policy makers in the Ministry of Education and Ministry of Youth and Sports, and
the individual student themselves in the whole world, have a great role to play in
actualizing and educating the concept of love in Islam into a motivating factor of
thinking and doing the best for Ummah.
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