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Kindness to Parents is an Ibadah
‫قال هللا تعالى‬
The Holy Quran says, " Your Lord has decreed that you
worship none but Him, and to parents, good treatment.
Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you,
say not to them [so much as], "uff" and do not repel them
but speak to them a noble word." - Surah Al Isra (17:23).
Brothers in Islam: Allah swt has ordained the good treatment of
parents and warned us against treating them with disrespect.
There are several verses in the Quran where kindness to parents
is coupled with the most important aspect of Islam, i.e.
worshipping Allah alone. This indicates that being kind to parents,
honouring and respecting them, is extremely important in Islam.
Honouring parents can be considered as ‘ibadah’ if the intention
is to please Allah swt by obeying His commands.
Allah swt continues this verse by reminding us that parents
deserve our kindness because they raised us with gentleness
and often made great sacrifices for our wellbeing.
Allah says in Surah Al Isra (17:24), And lower unto them the
wing of humility out of mercy and say, "My Lord, have mercy
upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small."
ً ‫ص ِغيرا‬
َ ‫ار َح ْم ُه َما َك َما َربَّيَا ِني‬
ْ ‫ب‬
ِِّ ‫َّر‬
There are many ahadith of our beloved Prophet (pbuh) on this
subject. A companion of the Prophet (pbuh) once asked him
which of the many good deeds a man can do that is most loved
by Allah. Prophet (pbuh) answered him by saying, “To offer the
prayer in its proper time”. The companion then asked, “And what
is next?” to which he (pbuh) replied, “To be good and dutiful to
your parents...” (Bukhari)
‫أيها المؤمنون‬: In another verse of the Quran Allah enjoins us the
need to show gratitude to Him, our Creator, as well as our
parents. Again, Allah clearly links the rights owed to Him to the
rights owed to parents as He says in Surah Luqman 31:14 And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his
parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship
upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two
years give thanks to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the
final destination.
In another aspect, Allah demands that children honour their
parents by saying "We have enjoined unto man kindness to
parents." (Surah Al-Ankabut 29:8 & Al-Ahqaf 46:15)
In Surah Al An'Am (6:151), Allah (swt) reiterates that people
should honour and be kind to parents, "Come, I will recite what
your Lord has prohibited you from: Join not anything in
worship with Him; be good and dutiful to your parents..."
Allah swt and His Messenger (pbuh) have both laid much
emphasis on obeying, serving and pleasing our parents. Allah
swt has mentioned at-least 15 times in the Holy Qur'an regarding
the kind treatment to parents and obeying them.
The Arabic word that is used in the Quran and in the narrations of
the Prophet (pbuh) to denote this kindness to parents is ‘Bir’, and
more often, it is translated as goodness. ‘Bir’ does not only mean
goodness; it contains shades of meaning that indicate kindness,
compassion, respect and even patience. Islam encompasses all
these qualities, and Muslims must strive to model this behaviour
in all dealings, particularly in the relationship between parents
and children.
Parents care and nurture their children their entire lives, but at
one point this duty reverses, parents become old and feeble and
in need of care and nurturing themselves. The child is obligated
to care for the parents by displaying all the qualities of ‘bir’ and
knowing that the reward for this is with Allah. The Prophet (pbuh)
said, “If anyone possesses these three characteristics Allah will
give him an easy death and enter him into His Paradise:
gentleness towards the weak, affection towards parents, and
kindness to slaves.” (Tirmidhi)
Love to your parents should be regarded as an honour and
means of recompense and redemption in the Hereafter. Ibn
Abbas (ra) narrates the following Hadith of the Holy Prophet
(pbuh): "Dutiful and good natured children who cast one loving
and affectionate look at their parents, receive from Allah’s
blessing equivalent to one approved Hajj." (Sahih Muslim)
In today’s culture there are many days set aside to honour and
appreciate special people in our lives. We have Mother's Day,
Father's Day etc. We do realise the significance of these
occasions and the ideals and philosophies of setting aside certain
days to recognise and appreciate these people. As for the
appreciation of parents, Islam teaches us to recognise and
celebrate the services and sacrifices of parents every day.
Status of Mother in Islam
Although Islam recognises both parents are important but
mothers are given special gratitude and respect. The Quran
enjoins upon every person to acknowledge the difficulties and
suffering that his mother has to bear during pregnancy, at
childbirth, feeding the child with her milk and in the upbringing of
the children.
It was narrated by Abu Huraira (ra) that a man came to the
Prophet (pbuh) and asked him, "Who amongst his near one had
the greatest right over him?" The Prophet replied, "Your mother".
The man then asked, "Who after that?" to which the Prophet
replied again, "Your mother". Asked who is next, the Prophet
again replied, "Your mother". When the man asked who after
that, the Prophet said, "Your father", then that of your near
relatives, and then of the relations next to them". (Sahih Bukhari)
In another hadith a man once came to the Prophet (pbuh) and
sought his advice about taking part in the war with him. Prophet
(pbuh) asked him whether his mother was alive? He answered in
the affirmative. Prophet (pbuh) then told him. "Go back home and
serve her as paradise lies under her feet." (Ibn-e-Majah)
Status of Father in Islam
Abdullah Ibn Amr (ra) reported that the Prophet (pbuh) said, ‘The
pleasure of the Lord lies in the pleasure of the father, and the
Lord’s wrath in the father’s wrath.” (Ahmed 27581)
Islam instructs the children to show respect for their father by not
walking in front of him, not taking his name but addressing him
with a courteous word and not sitting before him if he has no
place to sit.
Once a man came to the Holy Prophet (pbuh) and complained
that his father took from his belongings. When the Prophet
Muhammad (pbuh) sought explanation from the old man, he
replied “O Prophet of Allah. There was a time when he was weak
and I was strong. I was rich and he had nothing. I spent on him
and never stopped him from taking anything from me. Today, I
am weak and he is strong. Now he hides his belongings from
me.”
Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) had tears in his eyes. He took hold of
the son’s hand and put it in the father’s hand and told the son,
“You and your wealth belong to your father.” Ibn Majah - 2291
It is the duty of the children to provide for their comfort and fulfil
their material and financial needs when they have no or little
source of income.
Parents rights after their death
Abu Usaid (ra) narrated that once, while he was sitting with the
Holy Prophet (pbuh), someone asked the Holy Prophet whether
there were any steps which he could take to benefit his parents
who are no more. The Holy Prophet (pbuh) replied, "Yes", there
are four such things:
(1) to pray for their deliverance and forgiveness,
(2) to accomplish their promises and carry out the proper wills,
(3) to respect and treat their friends well,
(4) and to be nice and kind to those who are related to you
through your parents." (Al Adab Al-Mufrad)
In conclusion both the parents play their parts in bringing up the
children at the cost of their own comforts and pleasures. The
father feels happy to spend his hard earned money upon them
while the mother sacrifices her comforts. Thus the children are
brought up by the joint toil, love and affection of both their
parents. Therefore the children have been ordered for their best
treatment to their parents in the Holy Qur'an and Sunnah of our
beloved Prophet (pbuh).
Let us strive to show the respect and consideration asked of us
by Allah and His Messenger (pbuh) to our parents while they are
with us in this life. For those of us that have lost one or both
parents there are still actions that can be taken to honour them.
Make Du'a to Allah swt every day for them, give charity on their
behalf, institute a perpetual charity on their behalf such as a
Masjid, Islamic Library, Islamic materials for dawa etc.
Brothers in Islam, let us ask Allah swt to help us to do our best to
respect our parents, honour them, be kind to them, help them,
and please them to seek His pleasure. ameen