Download Communication

Communication
Communication:
• extremely important. Most problems
involve communication failure
Patterns of Interaction:
• constructive vs. destructive

constructive interaction strengthens human
bonds and enhances self-esteem
• Intimacy entails mutual self-disclosure.
Need for truthfulness, leads to trust. Trust
strengthens intimacy.
Communication (Cont’d):

Truth in Sex:
• Private vs. Public Talk
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Importance of non-verbal
communication (90%)
Intent:
• what you mean to say

Impact:
• what the other hears

Need for frequent clarification of both
Communication (Cont’d):
 Ambiguous
vs. Non-Ambiguous Messages
 Fair Fighting
 Misinterpretation of Sex Signals
 Focus 10.2:

Tannen’s Work
• Men tend to use language for information, status
and one-upmanship
• Women tend to use language to get close, for
intimacy, sharing, rapport

Recent research shows #s not so great, but
are there
Communication (Cont’d):

Receiving message:
• active listening
• non-defensive
• really listen
• feedback:

I heard you say … paraphrasing
 Validation
 Non-Verbal
Communication
Communication (Cont’d):

Active Listening:
• attentive body language, appropriate facial
expressions, asking questions, making brief
comments

Paraphrasing, showing true
understanding of the message:
• rephrasing in own words what the listener
heard. Opportunity to clarify
misunderstandings.
Communication (Cont’d):

Feedback:
• communicate verbally our reaction to the
message

Acceptance of Message:
• I really appreciate your telling me this. Your
disclosure sheds a lot of light on our
problem. What you told me makes it easier
for me to understand where you’re coming
from.
Communication (Cont’d):

Unconditional Positive Regard
• Conveying that you love the person no matter what
they reveal

When questioning, use open-ended questions
rather than yes/no questions
• E.g. of yes/no:

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Do you like oral sex?
Did you come?
• E.g. of open-ended:

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What gives you the most pleasure?
Where do you like to be touched?
What are your feelings about oral sex?
Communication (Cont’d):

“I” statements”
• “You don’t care about me” vs. “I feel
ignored”.
• “You upset me” vs. “I’m upset”.
• “You don’t love me” vs. “I feel unloved”.
Communication (Cont’d):

Documenting:
• stick to specifics

Leveling:
• be honest and clear

Editing:
• leave out hurtful comments
Communication (Cont’d):

Alexithymia:
• Inability to verbalize one’s feelings or
emotions, or even be aware of them.
• Very common in men.
• Due to gender role socialization.
• In today’s context it has become
dysfunctional.
Communication (Cont’d):

Alexithymia:
• Fear, sadness and shame:

transformed into aggression
• Caring emotions:

transformed into sex
Communication (Cont’d):
 Destructive

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patterns of interaction:
Criticism
Contempt
Defensiveness
Attack
Withdrawal, stonewalling